1 00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:04,938 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,141 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:11,612 ♪ But where are those good old‐fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,715 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:17,985 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,588 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,156 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,825 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:30,197 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,806 God, can you believe that Trump hung himself in prison? 11 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:46,513 I know! And that Chris Christie lost all that weight. 12 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:51,251 He still looks terrible, though. 13 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,187 (knocking) 14 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,858 - Oh, hey, Joe. - Hey, Peter. If you have a sec, 15 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,027 there's something I want to talk to you about. 16 00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:01,461 PETER: Oh, boy, this is it. 17 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,363 He wants me to have sex with Bonnie. 18 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,732 Now, remember, Peter, you can't say yes right away. 19 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,501 You let him talk you into it. 20 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,671 He's watching for that. It's part of the dance. 21 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,940 I will absolutely have sex with Bonnie. 22 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,175 JOE: Sorry, Peter, you're too eager. 23 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,610 So, I came over to invite you 24 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,612 to Susie's christening this weekend. 25 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,582 - Oh. - And I don't just want you to be a guest. 26 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:24,484 I was wondering if you'd be willing to be the godfather. 27 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:26,653 - Godfather? - Yeah, you're my best friend, 28 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,023 and, well, I'd like you to be Susie's godfather, too. 29 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,659 - Godfather II? - Wow, you're really warming to this. 30 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,495 Well, you've made two very compelling arguments. 31 00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:39,132 Perhaps we should discuss this further in my poorly‐lit den. 32 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,035 So, about this offer... 33 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,870 What are you guys discussing? 34 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,706 And when did we get a den? 35 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,407 Sorry, Lois, half of being a godfather 36 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,409 is closing the door in your wife's face 37 00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:51,511 while she wonders what's going on inside. 38 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,614 But I just wanted to... 39 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,498 PETER: I forgot it was a swinging door. 40 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:14,534 (bell tolling) 41 00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:19,306 (Italian accent): DiGiorno. DiGiorno. 42 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,974 Joe Paterno. 43 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,442 DiGiorno. 44 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,444 Damn it, Peter, being Susie's godfather 45 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,846 doesn't mean you're in the mob. 46 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,748 And you can't bring a cat to church. 47 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,217 Why not? He's Cat'lic. 48 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:31,652 (cat snickering) 49 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,221 (giggles) He does a Muttley laugh. 50 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:35,822 Where's the priest? 51 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,125 Oh, the church ran out of priests months ago, 52 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:39,626 'cause of all the diddlin'. 53 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,895 Now they just have a rabbi fill in. 54 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,130 Shalom, everyone. 55 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,631 Welcome to the christening. 56 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,333 Now, before the child goes in the water, 57 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,635 has it been at least 20 minutes since she ate? 58 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,170 - Yes, Rabbi. - Wonderful. 59 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,039 Then let's dunk this kid like a doughnut. 60 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,441 I hereby christen this child in the name of Jesus Christ, 61 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,043 who was killed by we‐don't‐know‐who, 62 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,711 it's not important. 63 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,658 The last thing we want to do is point fingers... 64 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,648 Can you please take my daughter out of the water? 65 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,283 Sorry. 66 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,110 Congratulations, sweetie, you're a Christian. 67 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,988 From now on, every Sunday you get to eat a hard cookie 68 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,323 and pretend it's a guy. 69 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,362 ♪ ♪ 70 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,668 Coffee in the smallest cup we have, as you requested. 71 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,403 - Grazie. - And let me assure you, 72 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,338 any shouting you hear from the kitchen 73 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,808 is not Gordon Ramsay tearing us apart. 74 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,810 GORDON RAMSAY: Oh, disgusting! 75 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,812 ‐(dish shatters) ‐Scusi. 76 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,881 Oh, God, here comes Doug. He just got a race car bed, 77 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,983 and now I'm gonna have to hear about it. 78 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,120 Hey, Stewie. Still sleeping in the slow lane? 79 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,456 (forced chuckling) Okay. Okay. 80 00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,825 So, your mom still taking you to the ladies' room 81 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,027 - to go pee‐pee? - Actually, yes. 82 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,529 Yeah, me, too. I don't like the men's room. 83 00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,598 All the urinals are at mouth level. 84 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,634 I don't look at those. I'm too busy fixing my hair 85 00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,037 in the mirror... Oh! I'm sorry. 86 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,805 Ciao, Stewie! 87 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,307 God, that was humiliating. 88 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,109 This party has turned south quick. 89 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,112 Like Bryan Singer's remake of Casablanca. 90 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:08,315 Here's looking at you, actual kid. 91 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,217 Everyone, I'd like to say a few words. 92 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,152 Uh, it's a very special day, 93 00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:14,387 as we dedicate Susie's life to Christ 94 00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:16,223 before she can consent to it 95 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,625 or have any conception of what's happening. 96 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,361 Susie once licked a booger off my hand. 97 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,296 - I'm Chris, by the way. - Thanks, Chris, 98 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,298 but let's wait till we're called upon, bud. 99 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,234 Anyway, thank you all for coming. 100 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,835 And to the host. 101 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,804 Joe, thank you for having us in this restaurant 102 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,707 with a painted wall that makes Venice look terrible. 103 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,642 OTHERS: To Joe! 104 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:36,943 Everyone, enjoy. 105 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,745 Uh, for the kids, we've got games 106 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,947 and also a party princess dressed as Elsa 107 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,749 who's clearly a prostitute, 108 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,484 but please don't proposition her here, 109 00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:47,254 just nod in her direction‐‐ trust me, she'll get it. 110 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,222 It's her profession. 111 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,696 Oh, cool, they got a piñata! 112 00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:59,099 - Peter, it's for the kids. - Like hell it is. 113 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,067 I'm the godfather of this event, 114 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:04,271 and I want a debilitating wine‐and‐candy headache. 115 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,273 Give me that, kid. 116 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,275 I'm your son, you dick. 117 00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:10,277 Sir, please, you're making a scene. 118 00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:12,279 No, I'm not. I can do whatever I want. 119 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:13,880 I'm the godfather. 120 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,316 Uh‐oh. 121 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,418 I'm‐a so sorry, sir. I didn't know. 122 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,020 Stanley Tucci. 123 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:21,655 Bobby Cannavale. 124 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,624 Hey! Portuguese waiters pretending to be Italians! 125 00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:27,093 Get the godfather whatever he wants! 126 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,096 - Godfather? - There's a new godfather? - Aw, look at the wall. 127 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,999 Why does Venice always look‐a so terrible? 128 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,368 From now on, you eat on the house. 129 00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:39,673 You will be treated with the utmost respect, Godfather. 130 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:43,710 Grazie. Now please name the menu item I ordered after me. 131 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,412 The dinosaur chicken tenders? 132 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,013 All right, we'll find something else. 133 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,615 Thank you very much. 134 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,151 Hear that, Doug? My dad's now the godfather. 135 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:52,786 And yours is... 136 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,856 VP of Systems Integration or something? 137 00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,490 What was that, Stewie? 138 00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:59,526 I was invited to sit at the first grade table. 139 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,394 What?! How'd you get that invite? 140 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:02,996 Big D energy, Stewie. 141 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,265 You either got it or you don't. 142 00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:07,267 Oh, yeah? What does the "D" stand for? 143 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,369 - Divorced? - (others gasp) 144 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:12,439 - Wh‐What?! - Stewie, my parents are trying to make it work. 145 00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:14,641 - Gee, Stewie. - They're doing their best. 146 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,643 He ended things with the nanny. 147 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,812 Not that it's any of your business. 148 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:22,115 Oh, yeah. Uh, g‐g‐g‐good for them. 149 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,150 Gene and Sheryl are wonderful people. 150 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,820 I‐I hope they make it work. Good vibes. Healing. 151 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:30,690 G‐G‐G‐God bless you all. 152 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,500 God, I can't believe Mike Pence came out of the closet 153 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,403 just before he hung himself in prison. 154 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,975 - Bon Jovi, family. - Morning, Dad. 155 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:51,411 Are things gonna change now that you're a godfather? 156 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,680 Good question, Chris. And yes, quite a bit. 157 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,549 I'll be touching faces a lot more than I used to. 158 00:06:56,616 --> 00:07:00,020 My boys. My bambinos. 159 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,621 No touch. 160 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,957 And I'll be totally oblivious to the affair 161 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,059 between my bodyguard and my wife. 162 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,895 You look very nice today, Vincenzo. 163 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,897 Hey! She gave you a compliment. 164 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,233 What, do you got cotton in your ears? Answer her. 165 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,702 Yeah, meathead. What's with this guy, Pop? 166 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,438 And as a mafioso, I'll be doing more voice‐overs, 167 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,775 which will always begin by naming everyone at the event. 168 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,053 - What does that even mean? - PETER: There we were - at breakfast. 169 00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,112 It was me, Chris G., 170 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,014 Meggs, Lois Griff, 171 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,182 Little Stew 172 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,051 and Uncle Junior Grandpa Nephew 173 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,786 who was my cousin. 174 00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:34,530 It was one of those breakfasts where you realize 175 00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,256 you put on your boxers the wrong way 176 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,224 and you need an excuse to leave the room. 177 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,761 - We're out of syrup. - I'll get it. You stay here. 178 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,863 And will you be a stricter dad now? 179 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,665 Interesting question. My value system 180 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:48,668 will vary wildly between incredible immorality 181 00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,837 and intense social conservatism. 182 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,139 Dad, there's a shipment of heroin in our driveway. 183 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,343 - Excellent. - I watched a PG‐13 movie last night. 184 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,511 In your mother's house? 185 00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,780 Now, everyone keep eating until you throw up. 186 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:03,283 What's this? As a leader in the Italian community, 187 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:07,053 I'll be getting very upset about store‐bought pasta sauce. 188 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,688 Peter, what the hell? 189 00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,390 That was our Prego. 190 00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,959 Yeah, and prego means "you're welcome." 191 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,962 It's a very cocky name for an average pasta sauce. 192 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,798 The rest of this is just jokes, but that's kind of a good point. 193 00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,600 Now, kids, before you go to school, 194 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,969 let's discuss what you tell your friends about me. 195 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,871 That your fingernails are so filthy 196 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,906 because you do scratchers all day? 197 00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,441 Never talk about the family business! 198 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,143 Things are too hot here for you now. 199 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,145 You need to go to Italy for five years. 200 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,147 - What?! - You're not safe here anymore, 201 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,649 so I'm gonna send you where all the murderers are from. 202 00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,752 ♪ ♪ 203 00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,229 (gasps) 204 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:52,766 A questo brajola que facia te di. 205 00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,667 Rudy Giuliani. 206 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:58,671 Antipasti di Miguel Corleone a Sicilia di movies! 207 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:03,743 Mario Batali el gropo Buca di Beppo Ford Coppola. 208 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,845 ♪ ♪ 209 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,717 Ooh! Aah! Mama Mia! 210 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,556 Check it out. Like all cool mobsters, 211 00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,792 my office is at a strip club. 212 00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:21,394 Yeah, but why's it in a male strip club? 213 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,930 Are you kidding? Dingaling's is great. 214 00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,474 Now, just watch where you hang your hat. 215 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,933 'Cause of boners. 216 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,102 Now, you three are gonna be my lieutenants. 217 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,337 And don't worry, you're all equal in my eyes. 218 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,773 I don't care one bit if you laugh at my jokes. 219 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,443 I mean, this is the Mafia, not the Laugh Factory, right? 220 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,012 - Ha! That's hilarious. - Quagmire is now my top lieutenant. 221 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,481 What?! You said we don't have to like your jokes. 222 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:44,417 Well, I didn't realize it was such a chore. 223 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,286 This is bullcrap. 224 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,788 And, Joe, you're a cop‐‐ how are you okay with any of this? 225 00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:51,991 Are you asking an Irish cop why he's corrupt? 226 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:53,626 Question withdrawn. 227 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,628 So, uh, what do we do now, Peter? 228 00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,630 Well, now that we're a Mafia crew, 229 00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,365 I have to do voice‐over naming everyone 230 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,134 - at the event. - What does that even m... 231 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,602 PETER: There we were at the club. 232 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,839 It was me, Glenn Quags, Joey Swan 233 00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,874 and Downtown Julie Cleveland Brown. 234 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,510 You remember when there were two Julie Browns in the '90s? 235 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,645 What a mess. 236 00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:13,913 ♪ ♪ 237 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,849 With the guys at my side, 238 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:19,185 we were the most powerful criminal organization in Quahog 239 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,640 We lived like kings, 240 00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:42,642 until things started to come apart 241 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,812 after the Lufthansa heist. 242 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:51,985 We discussed laying low, but not everyone agreed with that. 243 00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,353 Be careful with this. 244 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:54,954 We stole it. 245 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,326 Hey, Brian, just a heads‐up. 246 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,095 Now that I'm an Italian mob boss, 247 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,130 I may be treating dogs more roughly. 248 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,399 Uh, okay. 249 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,835 Now, where's my chicken parm from last night? 250 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,770 Oh, I, uh, I ate it. 251 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,772 - You ate it? - Yeah, there was no name on it. 252 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:13,973 It was just sitting there. 253 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,040 Is there a problem? 254 00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:16,976 No. No. 255 00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,311 No problem. 256 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,083 (engine starts) 257 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,451 (grunting) 258 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,520 LOIS: Peter, I'm home from the market! 259 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,089 I got steak sandwiches on ciabatta. 260 00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,958 Oh, that's way better than chicken parm. 261 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,694 I'm gonna have it with my last can of cream soda. 262 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,796 Uh, actually, I finished that, too. 263 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,531 That's okay, Brian. 264 00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:41,034 Let's take a ride and get some at the grocery store. 265 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,535 Pull over here. 266 00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,103 I got to take a leak. 267 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,277 ‐(gunshots) ‐(horn honking) 268 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,681 Leave the gun. 269 00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:57,684 Take the cream soda. 270 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,988 What's going on in here? 271 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,823 Even since Dad became a mobster, 272 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,459 he's been giving me a ton of Italian children's books. 273 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,628 Green Eggs and Pancetta; 274 00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:10,663 Horton Hears a Yo; 275 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,799 Good Night, Mooks; 276 00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:15,335 and Where the Wild Things Is. 277 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,837 - Stewie, this is ridiculous. - It's not all bad. 278 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,173 I like having those Stella D'oro breakfast cookies. 279 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,175 Oh, I ate those, sorry. 280 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,510 Ah, no problem, Brian, no problem at all. 281 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,447 Hey, what do you say you and I do a little fishing? 282 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,623 (gunshot) 283 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,691 Peter, I just got a call from the school. 284 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,093 When is Chris coming back? 285 00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,160 Not for a while. 286 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,595 He moved in with his girlfriend. 287 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,064 But, apparently, they hit a rough patch. 288 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,400 (door opens) 289 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,751 (both laugh) 290 00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:13,059 Good news, guys. I'm fixing the Olympics. 291 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,028 I paid a diver to take a dive. 292 00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,696 (phone rings) 293 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,498 What do you mean he won? 294 00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,933 You know, Peter, you've been a mobster for a while now. 295 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,436 I'm surprised we haven't had any run‐ins with rival families. 296 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,538 What are you talking about? They love me. 297 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,840 Like, look at this, this morning, totally unprompted, 298 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,876 they sent me a lovely wrapped fish. 299 00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:31,177 What? 300 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,879 Peter, do you know what this means? 301 00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:34,647 Yeah, that they're nice guys. 302 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:37,083 Yesterday, one of them even drove by my house to say 303 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,030 I had a beautiful family and it would be a shame 304 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,453 if anything happened to them. 305 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,989 And that's a compliment and empathy. 306 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,034 When's the last time you guys said something like that? 307 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,327 - Uh, Peter, I'm not sure you... - And look at this. 308 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,462 They found Meg's ear and returned it. 309 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,164 They returned it! You know how many guys 310 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,498 would keep something like that? 311 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,167 Peter, please close the box. 312 00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,878 I think you need to get wise to what's going on here, 313 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:59,839 because their next message may not be so subtle. 314 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,175 ♪ ♪ 315 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,422 (screaming) 316 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,692 There it is. 317 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,495 I've been looking for that. 318 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,031 Oh, thank God, the Mafia doesn't hate me. 319 00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,102 "You's dead, fat ass. 320 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:30,903 Love, the Mafia." 321 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,372 (gasps) Oh, my God. 322 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,440 The Mafia does hate me. (grunts) 323 00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:35,947 MOBSTER 1: Lenny, what are you doing? 324 00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,343 I already threw the rock! 325 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,978 MOBSTER 2: I wanted to throw the rock. 326 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,013 We talked about this‐‐ you wrote the note, 327 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,483 - I throw the rock. - So let me get this straight‐‐ 328 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,785 I do the homework and you get to throw the rock? 329 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,988 - I played baseball in college! - Junior college. 330 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,400 MOBSTER 2: The coach from University of Vermont invited me to walk on! 331 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,402 MOBSTER 1: I didn't even know you liked chucking rocks. 332 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,003 MOBSTER 2: Who doesn't like chucking rocks? 333 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,672 I didn't get into the mob to write letters. 334 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,532 I did it to chuck rocks and eat sandwiches out of foil. 335 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,009 MOBSTER 1: Hey, that actually sounds pretty good. 336 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,735 You want to go get a sandwich? 337 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,113 MOBSTER 2: Sure, from Big Sal's or Fat Sal's? 338 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,139 MOBSTER 1: What's the difference? 339 00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:08,565 MOBSTER 2: One's big, one's fat. What's wrong with you today? 340 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,083 God, I can't believe Melania was deported to Slovenia 341 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,419 and then hung herself in a European prison. 342 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,923 Man, Peter, what are you gonna do about the mob? 343 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:25,825 Don't worry, I got a plan. 344 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,527 I'm gonna hide and change my identity 345 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,029 to a name no one else has ever heard of. 346 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,731 Roberta Brown. 347 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,499 Peter, that's my daughter's name. 348 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,835 No, it's just some girl I follow on Instagram. 349 00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:38,070 You know, Peter, there may be a way out of this. 350 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:39,214 Cops have been trying to bring down 351 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:41,073 the Rhode Island mob for years. 352 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:43,476 If you can schedule a meeting to discuss your differences 353 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,846 and wear a wire, we'll arrest them after. 354 00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,614 Testify against the mob? 355 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,183 How dumb do you think I am? 356 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,018 (hacking) 357 00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,787 ‐(gasping) ‐Oh, my son! 358 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,423 I thought that hard‐boiled egg seemed a little shouty. 359 00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,891 All right, I'll do it. 360 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,127 But, man, if I'm in danger, so is Chris. 361 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,463 I better warn him to be on the lookout. 362 00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,031 (cheering) 363 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:13,473 La dolce vita de duay que questa di Beverly Hills BMW. 364 00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:14,941 Ay! 365 00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,376 Que cosa mi amor. 366 00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:20,813 Italiana, tu patri telefona Boyardee. 367 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:25,785 Grazie. Uno momento, Vinny Testaverde con Carmine Ragusa. 368 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:28,921 Ciao, Francesco Di Napoli. 369 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:36,295 Tammy! 370 00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:39,165 ♪ ♪ 371 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,467 Okay, Peter, I'm gonna attach the wire now. 372 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,736 And I'm telling you in advance that it's cold. 373 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,471 Aah! Oh, it's cold! Oh, it's too cold. 374 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,640 - This is why I told you in advance. - It's too cold. 375 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,451 - I don't want to do this anymore. - Your body heat will warm it. 376 00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:50,819 - I regret this decision deeply. - Just let your body heat 377 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,854 - do the work. - Oh, it's fine now. 378 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,980 See? That's the body heat. 379 00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,482 Now, if you get into trouble, department regulations say 380 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,851 we can't go in there unless you say a code phrase. 381 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,120 Something that you'd never actually say in conversation 382 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,788 so we know it's a signal. 383 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,724 The phrase is, 384 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,592 "Did you see the new Paul Rudd movie? 385 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,227 It's laugh‐out‐loud funny." 386 00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,795 Come on, can't I just say "watchable"? 387 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,597 No, no, you have to say it exactly. 388 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,945 "Heartwarming"? I‐I mean, I could just say "heartwarming." 389 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,434 Peter, the phrase is the phrase. 390 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,470 Now, you ready to meet those godfathers? 391 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,238 I guess. 392 00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,440 Wonder where the word "godfather" came from, anyway. 393 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:24,644 I don't know. I assume it started with God's father. 394 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,779 (phone rings) 395 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,448 - Yello? - Hey, Dad, I wrote a big show, 396 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:31,217 and your grandson Jesus is in it. 397 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,295 He's kind of the star of it, really. Can you make it? 398 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,454 (laughs): Well, look at you. I'm there, pal. 399 00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,123 When is it? When's the big show? 400 00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,592 - It's Good Friday. - Oh, don't say Friday. 401 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,260 Ah, I was afraid of that. 402 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,071 Well, there's kind of a postscript to the story. 403 00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,331 - Maybe you could catch that? - Oh, you betcha, slugger. 404 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,133 - It's on Sunday. - Oh, you're kidding! 405 00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,936 Doesn't anyone do anything on Tuesdays anymore? 406 00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,338 Listen, I'm getting pulled into this meeting right now, 407 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,839 but good luck with your thing. 408 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:58,978 I promise I'm going to be so nice to my son. 409 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:01,013 ♪ ♪ 410 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:06,285 JOE: Okay, Peter, this is it. 411 00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:09,055 Hey, who are you? 412 00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:11,057 Just act natural. And even though you're miked, 413 00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:13,059 try not to use your radio voice. 414 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,469 (Rick Dees' voice): Hey, Providence. 415 00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,729 This is Peter Whirlybird Griffin 416 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,365 comin' at you on a sizzlin' Sunday afternoon. 417 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,200 - Peter, no! - Wait a minute. 418 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,135 You're the new don from Quahog. 419 00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,004 Follow me. 420 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:30,109 We're glad that you finally decided to play ball with us. 421 00:18:30,176 --> 00:18:32,745 Let me introduce you to the other dons. 422 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,414 Don Duck. Don Keykong. 423 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:38,150 - Don Amnesia. - Forget about it. 424 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,486 - Don Omatopoeia. - Bang. 425 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,422 - The Land Don Under. - You come to me today, 426 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:45,424 on the day of me daughter's barbecue. 427 00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:47,159 Don Imus. 428 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:49,996 The Rutgers basketball team is Black and disgusting. 429 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,098 That's a wrap for Don Imus. 430 00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:54,667 Finally, the scariest don of them all: 431 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:57,136 - Don De‐Don‐Don. - Thank you. 432 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,705 I'd like to introduce you all to my suspenseful son, 433 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:02,742 Don Don‐Don...! 434 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,680 And‐and the guy says, "Oh, I thought you were complaining 435 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,682 about your angina." 436 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:13,219 - You never told us a beginning to that joke. - Oh. Sorry. 437 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:15,054 JOE: Okay, Peter, the meeting's almost over. 438 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,156 Just don't blow your cover, and we're home free. 439 00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:19,492 Hey, anybody want to do karaoke after this? 440 00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,861 Sure. I can use the mic taped to my chest. 441 00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,263 Peter, no! 442 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,233 Uh, the new Paul Rudd movie is watchable. 443 00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:29,301 I repeat, it's very watchable. 444 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:31,804 Damn it, Peter! You have to say it exactly. 445 00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,607 Fine. It's laugh‐out‐loud funny. 446 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,077 Freeze! You're all under arrest. 447 00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,645 Good job, Peter. 448 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,682 ♪ ♪ 449 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,451 Freeze! 450 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,187 All right, nobody do anything stupid. 451 00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:50,156 H‐Hold on, I'm just allowing LinkedIn 452 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,758 to send automated e‐mails to all my contacts. 453 00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,960 I said don't do anything stupid. 454 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,763 - (phone chimes) - "Peter Griffin wants to add you 455 00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,532 to his professional network." 456 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,434 Oh! Damn it, Peter! 457 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,370 Hands behind your head. On the ground. 458 00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:06,806 Aw, we're gonna die. 459 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,341 All right. So long, you two. 460 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,243 ♪ ♪ 461 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:15,781 (gunshot) 462 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,658 Oh, my God. Thank you. 463 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,760 Prego. 464 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,865 Well, turns out being a mobster isn't for me. 465 00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,867 Well, I'm just happy you're home safe. 466 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,335 Me, too, Dad. 467 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,537 Has anyone seen the rest of my white wine? 468 00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:40,473 Sorry, Lois. I drank that. 469 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:44,043 Oh. That's fine, Brian. 470 00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:48,114 Hey, what do you say you and me go for a walk in the woods? 471 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,517 You know what? This is kind of nice. 472 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,120 I thought you were gonna do some kind of Godfather murder on me. 473 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:57,022 Oh, Brian, I don't watch Mafia movies. 474 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,558 - But I did see Fargo. - Huh?