1
00:00:01,608 --> 00:00:05,134
♪ <i>It seems today
that all you see ♪</i>

2
00:00:05,308 --> 00:00:08,441
♪ <i>Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪</i>

3
00:00:08,615 --> 00:00:12,010
♪ <i>But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪</i>

4
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♪ <i>On which we used to rely?</i> ♪

5
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♪ <i>Lucky there's a family guy</i> ♪

6
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♪ <i>Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪</i>

7
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♪ <i>All the things that make us</i> ♪

8
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♪ <i>Laugh and cry</i> ♪

9
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♪ <i>He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪</i>

10
00:00:36,121 --> 00:00:39,124
Peter, I just hit a pothole
in the road and got a flat.

11
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The man who helped us
gave her his card.

12
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I'd keep an eye on that.

13
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This town is falling apart.

14
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Last week the bridge over
the collapsed bridge collapsed.

15
00:00:47,959 --> 00:00:49,719
Well, you're a middle-aged woman
with no job.

16
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Maybe you should get
really worked up about it.

17
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You know what? I think I will.

18
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I'm going down
to city hall to complain.

19
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This town needs a mayor.

20
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Y-You forgot your baby. Miss?

21
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Thank you all for coming over
to help us find

22
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the best candidate for mayor.

23
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:14,942
This room is so diverse,
so I'm assuming

24
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many of you have agendas.

25
00:01:17,771 --> 00:01:21,035
But let's keep in mind we need
a mayor who will represent

26
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all of Quahog
and not just satisfy

27
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your weird little fringe issues,

28
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which are important,
but not very important.

29
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As a descendent
of Quahog's Puritan forefathers,

30
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I think we should be able
to throw a woman into a pond

31
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to see if she's a witch.

32
00:01:34,614 --> 00:01:36,703
That seems a bit extreme,
don't you think?

33
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That's exactly
what a witch would say.

34
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Lois, you're making this harder
than it needs to be.

35
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Just get a former Batman
and move on.

36
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I'm sure Val Kilmer
could use the insurance.

37
00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,933
Peter, we're not going
to get a former Batman.

38
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That has been pitched
every day since Adam West died

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and the response
has been tepid at best.

40
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We need someone
with fresh ideas.

41
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Someone who knows the issues.

42
00:01:57,724 --> 00:02:00,945
Well, if you're looking
for someone with issues,

43
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I think you've found
your candidate.

44
00:02:03,339 --> 00:02:05,689
[laughs]

45
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[Stewie laughs]

46
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I had to go to bed early
because it's a grown-up party,

47
00:02:09,693 --> 00:02:11,129
but Mom said if I was quiet,

48
00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:13,131
I could listen
from the top of the stairs.

49
00:02:13,305 --> 00:02:16,047
You know, I think you might be
a really good candidate.

50
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You know the town, you're smart

51
00:02:18,223 --> 00:02:20,486
and you clearly have
nothing better to do.

52
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So all in favor of the librarian
running for mayor say aye.

53
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- ALL: Aye.
- What about ALF?

54
00:02:25,796 --> 00:02:27,885
Let's toast our new mayor...

55
00:02:28,059 --> 00:02:30,366
um, I'm sorry,
I don't even know your name.

56
00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,542
Elle. Elle Hitler.

57
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[laughs]
No relation.

58
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Elle Hitler? Eh.

59
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Let's all say hi to Elle Hitler.

60
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-Hi, Elle Hitler.
Yay!

61
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I can't believe Lois wants
the librarian to be mayor.

62
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I mean, Mayor West was a legend,

63
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and now they're gonna
replace him

64
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,060
with some third-tier character
with a joke name?

65
00:02:53,084 --> 00:02:55,869
- That's Chinatown, Peter.
- What?

66
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,872
I said, "That's Chinatown."
It's from the movie <i>Chinatown.</i>

67
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It means, like, "What are you
gonna do? That's Chinatown."

68
00:03:02,136 --> 00:03:03,616
Joe, did you finally
get Netflix?

69
00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:05,923
I did.
And I just watched <i>Chinatown.</i>

70
00:03:06,097 --> 00:03:07,664
It's kind of gross.

71
00:03:07,838 --> 00:03:10,188
Quahog deserves a cool mayor,
like Mayor West was.

72
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But there's no one cooler
than Adam West.

73
00:03:12,364 --> 00:03:14,845
If only he had had a offspring.

74
00:03:15,019 --> 00:03:18,152
Speaking of offspring,
Faye Dunaway slept with her dad

75
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in <i>Chinatown
and then had his baby.</i>

76
00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:23,854
Guys, that movie
really messed me up.

77
00:03:24,028 --> 00:03:27,118
Wait a second,
Mayor West didn't have any kids,

78
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but he did have a cousin,
Wild West.

79
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,993
You guys don't know Wild West?

80
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No. And please don't diminish us

81
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for not knowing
the same things you know.

82
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You know
how to land an airplane?

83
00:03:37,607 --> 00:03:38,999
No, you don't. Asswipe.

84
00:03:39,173 --> 00:03:40,610
I'm sorry.
I see you, Quagmire.

85
00:03:40,784 --> 00:03:42,133
- I do.
- Thank you.

86
00:03:42,307 --> 00:03:44,962
Wild West is a legendary cowboy
and a spokesman

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for everything manly. Look.

88
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♪

89
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<i>WILD WEST:
You work hard,
and at the end of the day,</i>

90
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<i>you're more than tired.</i>

91
00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:57,017
<i>You're man tired.</i>

92
00:03:57,191 --> 00:04:00,369
<i>And when it's finally time to
kick off your boots and relax,</i>

93
00:04:00,543 --> 00:04:04,198
<i>nothing satisfies more
than Beef Cigarettes.</i>

94
00:04:04,373 --> 00:04:05,983
♪ <i>Give yourself a treat</i> ♪

95
00:04:06,157 --> 00:04:07,985
♪ <i>Nicotine and meat.</i> ♪

96
00:04:08,159 --> 00:04:09,203
<i>WILD WEST:
Beef Cigarettes,</i>

97
00:04:09,378 --> 00:04:11,902
<i>now with less hooves and snouts.</i>

98
00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:13,817
See? He'd be a great mayor.

99
00:04:13,991 --> 00:04:16,602
- Well, what's his stand
on abortion?
- What? I don't...

100
00:04:16,776 --> 00:04:18,561
Does he make exceptions
in cases of incest?

101
00:04:18,735 --> 00:04:20,345
Because I've seen
some things recently

102
00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:23,000
that make me think
he probably should.

103
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♪

104
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[chirping]

105
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[shushes]

106
00:04:57,904 --> 00:05:00,167
You came at the perfect time.

107
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[chirping]

108
00:05:04,911 --> 00:05:06,913
That was beautiful.

109
00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:08,872
If you think the birth
is beautiful,

110
00:05:09,046 --> 00:05:11,178
you should see the conception.

111
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:22,146
Mmm. Jasmine oolong.

112
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,148
What can I do you for, stranger?

113
00:05:24,322 --> 00:05:26,803
My name is Peter Griffin and
I'm from Quahog, Rhode Island,

114
00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:29,588
where your cousin Adam West
was our mayor for many years.

115
00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,416
And since he's gone
to a better place...

116
00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:34,550
- Duluth?
- I was thinking heaven,
but okay, sure.

117
00:05:34,724 --> 00:05:36,465
Beautiful country, Duluth.

118
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The air moves into your nostrils
like a welcome guest.

119
00:05:40,251 --> 00:05:41,905
God, that's awesome.

120
00:05:42,079 --> 00:05:44,081
Anyway, I thought you
would be the perfect person

121
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to take his place as our mayor.

122
00:05:52,176 --> 00:05:55,005
Peter, have you ever
killed a man?

123
00:05:55,179 --> 00:05:57,660
Reddit says I've killed 39,
but that seems low.

124
00:05:57,834 --> 00:06:00,750
- Why do you ask?
- Just making conversation.

125
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,494
Look, I know it's a lot
to ask, but Quahog needs you.

126
00:06:05,668 --> 00:06:07,452
You're the perfect person
to lead us through

127
00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:10,281
the last five years
of the United States' existence.

128
00:06:10,455 --> 00:06:12,762
So, what do you say?
Will you be our mayor?

129
00:06:17,027 --> 00:06:19,333
Can I tell you a secret, Peter?

130
00:06:19,508 --> 00:06:21,379
I can levitate.

131
00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:24,469
- No way. Can you show me?
- No. But it's true.

132
00:06:24,643 --> 00:06:26,083
Uh, that seems like
the kind of thing

133
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:27,951
you have to prove
right when you say it.

134
00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:29,822
Well, I suppose you're right.

135
00:06:29,996 --> 00:06:32,216
I appreciate you coming
all this way, Peter,

136
00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:33,870
but I can't be your mayor.

137
00:06:34,044 --> 00:06:36,960
- But, Wild West, we need you.
- [whistles]

138
00:06:40,354 --> 00:06:42,618
I'm sorry.

139
00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:46,448
You get home safe, now.
Hyah!

140
00:06:49,363 --> 00:06:51,409
♪

141
00:06:57,807 --> 00:07:00,287
Thank you for coming out
to celebrate

142
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,507
a new day in Quahog.

143
00:07:02,681 --> 00:07:05,162
I would like to ask all
the women to please put aside

144
00:07:05,336 --> 00:07:06,903
your blinding hatred
of other women

145
00:07:07,077 --> 00:07:10,515
and vote for this incredibly
qualified candidate.

146
00:07:10,689 --> 00:07:12,735
ELIJAH:

147
00:07:12,909 --> 00:07:15,955
Stranger comin'!

148
00:07:16,129 --> 00:07:18,436
♪

149
00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:29,011
[neighs]

150
00:07:29,142 --> 00:07:30,274
He came.

151
00:07:38,587 --> 00:07:40,284
Howdy, Quahog.

152
00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:42,242
My name's Wild West,
and I'm here

153
00:07:42,416 --> 00:07:45,463
to throw my hat in the ring
to be your next mayor.

154
00:07:47,117 --> 00:07:49,293
[crowd cheering]

155
00:07:50,729 --> 00:07:54,690
And I want to say
one more thing: I can levitate.

156
00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:57,388
- [all gasping]
- But not right now.

157
00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:59,564
That seems like something
he should have to prove

158
00:07:59,738 --> 00:08:02,338
-when he says it.
-When he says it.
That's, uh, that's what I said.

159
00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:11,576
Peter, what the hell
is wrong with you?

160
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:13,535
You don't know
anything about politics.

161
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:14,927
Well, you don't know anything

162
00:08:15,101 --> 00:08:17,626
about landing a airplane,
asswipe.

163
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,758
Besides, Wild West
would make a great mayor.

164
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,979
He's a man...

165
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:25,416
What does that have
to do with anything?

166
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,113
Because this is America, Lois.

167
00:08:27,287 --> 00:08:29,327
Men have always run things
and there have never been

168
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:31,161
any problems whatsoever.

169
00:08:31,335 --> 00:08:33,511
And don't say the economy
or Iraq or income inequality

170
00:08:33,685 --> 00:08:35,992
or racism or Brett Kavanaugh
or air pollution or Vietnam

171
00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:38,168
or slavery or Watergate
or capitalism

172
00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:40,518
or #MeToo or homelessness
or police brutality

173
00:08:40,692 --> 00:08:42,999
or homophobia or Monica Lewinsky
or school shootings

174
00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:45,088
or Native American genocide
or Fox News

175
00:08:45,262 --> 00:08:46,916
or Tim Allen or climate change.

176
00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:48,787
[sighs]
You make a good point.

177
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,964
But I still think more women
should be in positions of power,

178
00:08:52,138 --> 00:08:55,272
and I'm gonna work my butt off
to make sure the librarian

179
00:08:55,446 --> 00:08:57,187
becomes our next mayor.

180
00:08:57,361 --> 00:08:59,711
And I'm gonna prove that
Wild West is the better choice.

181
00:08:59,885 --> 00:09:01,931
I've already made
my first campaign poster.

182
00:09:02,105 --> 00:09:04,890
I always start too big.

183
00:09:09,329 --> 00:09:10,853
Afternoon, citizen.

184
00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:13,769
My name's Wild West
and I'm running for mayor.

185
00:09:13,943 --> 00:09:16,293
- What might your name be?
- Bruce.

186
00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:19,165
Pleasure, Bruce.
If'n you don't mind,

187
00:09:19,339 --> 00:09:22,473
I'd like to roll up your garden
hose for you, the right way.

188
00:09:22,647 --> 00:09:24,606
- Oh, okay.
- You see, Bruce,

189
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:26,695
every hose has a memory.

190
00:09:26,869 --> 00:09:29,306
And you just got to tap
into that memory.

191
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,960
You see this kink here?

192
00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:34,703
I, uh... [gulps]
I do see that kink.

193
00:09:34,877 --> 00:09:39,316
Well, a hose is very desirous
of its original shape,

194
00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:41,231
and if you know
how to work those kinks,

195
00:09:41,405 --> 00:09:44,408
it should straighten
itself right out.

196
00:09:44,582 --> 00:09:46,628
[moans]
Oh, merciful heavens.

197
00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,325
[sighs]

198
00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,719
If you need some help
on your campaign,

199
00:09:50,893 --> 00:09:54,331
I'm very experienced
at taking polls.

200
00:09:57,726 --> 00:09:59,553
Wild West,
this is my daughter Meg.

201
00:09:59,728 --> 00:10:01,425
She also has a mustache.

202
00:10:01,599 --> 00:10:04,036
I can see that.
Nice to meet you, Meg.

203
00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:06,386
Wow, you've got a great voice.

204
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,824
Would you record
my outgoing voice-mail message?

205
00:10:08,998 --> 00:10:10,739
Ah, I'd be happy to.

206
00:10:10,913 --> 00:10:13,872
And could you make it sound like
one of your truck commercials?

207
00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:17,223
If you're looking for something
rugged, something durable,

208
00:10:17,397 --> 00:10:20,052
something with
an endless supply of gas

209
00:10:20,226 --> 00:10:22,707
and a tailgate made for dumping,

210
00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:25,101
then you must be
looking for Meg Griffin.

211
00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:27,451
Meg might not be much
to look at,

212
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:29,540
but with two different-shaped
airbags,

213
00:10:29,714 --> 00:10:32,108
Meg is one ride
you won't mind taking out

214
00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:35,198
to the middle of nowhere
and giving it your all.

215
00:10:35,372 --> 00:10:37,853
She's road-ready, and rode hard.

216
00:10:38,027 --> 00:10:39,463
Meg Griffin.

217
00:10:39,637 --> 00:10:42,596
Kindly leave your go-by
and Roman numerics

218
00:10:42,771 --> 00:10:44,511
at the sound of the chow bell.

219
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,165
[bell dinging]

220
00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:51,127
♪

221
00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:56,412
Peter, I don't even know
why you're bothering

222
00:10:56,567 --> 00:10:57,916
to take me to meet Wild West.

223
00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,875
I will never
change my mind about him.

224
00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,833
That's all I ask.

225
00:11:07,752 --> 00:11:10,276
Afternoon, Griffins.
Glad you could make it.

226
00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:12,409
Can I-can I go play
with the barn mustaches?

227
00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:15,151
- Please? Please?
- Of course you can.

228
00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:16,805
[babbles excitedly]

229
00:11:16,979 --> 00:11:18,937
- [chirping]
- [laughs]

230
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:22,593
Peter said something about me
really sticks in your craw.

231
00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:25,683
[chuckles]
Let's not make this sexy, okay?

232
00:11:25,857 --> 00:11:28,512
I just don't think it's fair
for you to breeze into town

233
00:11:28,686 --> 00:11:31,428
with your rugged good looks
and voice of the gods

234
00:11:31,602 --> 00:11:33,212
and assume you should be mayor.

235
00:11:33,386 --> 00:11:35,519
Especially when you're
taking an opportunity away

236
00:11:35,693 --> 00:11:37,434
from a very deserving woman.

237
00:11:37,608 --> 00:11:39,436
That's a fair point, Lois.

238
00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:42,482
Do you mind if I make you
a sweater while I respond?

239
00:11:42,656 --> 00:11:44,920
[exhales]
Uh, no.

240
00:11:45,094 --> 00:11:46,835
No, that would be fine.

241
00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:50,839
Lois, I moved my whole family
to Oregon when I was 13,

242
00:11:51,013 --> 00:11:53,493
and it taught me that
a town is like a horse.

243
00:11:53,667 --> 00:11:54,930
You don't choose it.

244
00:11:55,104 --> 00:11:56,714
- [bleats]
- It chooses you.

245
00:11:56,888 --> 00:11:59,021
And I believe Quahog
has chosen me,

246
00:11:59,195 --> 00:12:01,153
just like it chose
my cousin Adam.

247
00:12:01,327 --> 00:12:04,983
Now, the last thing I want to do
is take something from a woman.

248
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:07,681
There's nothing
I respect more than women.

249
00:12:07,856 --> 00:12:09,988
[giggles]
Is that so?

250
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,990
Yes'm.
I've raised 16 daughters

251
00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:14,688
into strong, independent women,

252
00:12:14,863 --> 00:12:16,908
I'm a registered doula,

253
00:12:17,082 --> 00:12:20,303
and I always order edamame
for the table.

254
00:12:20,477 --> 00:12:23,828
[sighing]:
Oh, my God. Oh. Huh.

255
00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:26,309
So, y-you're all alone...
up here?

256
00:12:26,483 --> 00:12:28,006
With no one to...

257
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,530
touch your sweaty biceps?

258
00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:31,836
Huh?

259
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,882
A man's never alone, Lois,

260
00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:36,449
so long as he has
his principles.

261
00:12:37,494 --> 00:12:40,323
[shuddering]:
H-H-Holy thundering Lord.

262
00:12:40,497 --> 00:12:43,326
Lois, can we keep it?
I'll take care of it, I promise.

263
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,675
- [chomps]
- Aah!

264
00:12:44,849 --> 00:12:46,155
Ow! He bit me!

265
00:12:46,329 --> 00:12:47,678
I don't like it now.

266
00:12:47,852 --> 00:12:48,852
[squealing]

267
00:12:53,466 --> 00:12:57,166
Peter, do you wanna maybe
do some role-playing?

268
00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:59,342
Okay.
I'll be Quentin Tarantino,

269
00:12:59,516 --> 00:13:01,344
and you be the foot
I make a mess on.

270
00:13:01,518 --> 00:13:03,346
No, actually, I-I was thinking

271
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,044
that maybe you could pretend
to be a cowboy.

272
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:07,916
Okay.

273
00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:09,308
[sighs]:
Oh, Lois...

274
00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:11,049
LOIS:
Uh, make your voice deeper.

275
00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:13,051
- PETER [deeper]: Oh, Lois...
- Deeper!

276
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:14,879
PETER [very deep]:
Oh, Lois.

277
00:13:15,053 --> 00:13:16,228
LOIS:
Good.

278
00:13:16,402 --> 00:13:19,753
Now say, "Beef:
it's what's for dinner."

279
00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:21,712
- PETER: I-I don't...
- Say it!
- [loud slap]

280
00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:23,406
- PETER [very deep]: Beef...
- Oh, yes.

281
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:25,368
- it's what's for dinner.
- [laughs]: Oh, yes!

282
00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:27,718
Oh, Wild West, Wild West.

283
00:13:27,892 --> 00:13:29,067
PETER:
What?!

284
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:30,939
Peter, what the hell
are you wearing?

285
00:13:31,113 --> 00:13:33,550
I went a different direction,
cowboy-wise,

286
00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:35,030
but don't change the subject!

287
00:13:40,426 --> 00:13:41,645
[paint can rattles]

288
00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:45,736
- Peter, what are you doing?
- I've decided that Wild West

289
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:48,086
is the worst possible person
to be mayor,

290
00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:50,436
and I'm gonna do
whatever I can to stop him.

291
00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:53,222
O-Okay, is this because I called
out his name twice during sex

292
00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,485
and once
while I was peeing after?

293
00:13:55,659 --> 00:13:58,923
- That's part of it, yes.
- I'm sorry, Peter,
it just slipped out.

294
00:13:59,097 --> 00:14:01,578
Well, I'm sorry I'm the length
of a Mike and Ike!

295
00:14:01,752 --> 00:14:03,667
In your dreams.

296
00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:06,278
[takes deep breath]

297
00:14:06,452 --> 00:14:07,889
That one stung, Lois.

298
00:14:08,063 --> 00:14:09,107
[takes deep breath]

299
00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,414
Ooh, that one stung.

300
00:14:14,504 --> 00:14:15,984
All right, I'm on your side now.

301
00:14:16,158 --> 00:14:17,811
And if you're gonna
beat Wild West,

302
00:14:17,986 --> 00:14:20,007
you have to recognize that
one of his greatest strengths

303
00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:23,078
is his voice, which makes him
sound sexy and smart

304
00:14:23,252 --> 00:14:24,949
and sexy and sexy.

305
00:14:25,123 --> 00:14:27,386
Where your voice sounds
like your dad's second wife

306
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,172
trying to describe
something she saw on Facebook.

307
00:14:30,346 --> 00:14:31,346
Oh, speaking of,

308
00:14:31,477 --> 00:14:34,611
do you know what a meme is?

309
00:14:34,785 --> 00:14:36,265
What...
Course I do.

310
00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:37,831
And it's pronounced "me-me."

311
00:14:38,006 --> 00:14:40,617
Well, the other day, I saw one

312
00:14:40,791 --> 00:14:42,488
with the most adorable kitten

313
00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:44,577
tangled in a ball of yarn.

314
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,928
[laughing]

315
00:14:47,102 --> 00:14:49,234
And underneath...

316
00:14:49,408 --> 00:14:52,107
underneath, it said:
"[bleep] the police."

317
00:14:52,281 --> 00:14:53,804
[laughing]

318
00:14:53,978 --> 00:14:55,980
Okay, that was unexpected,
so I'm gonna ignore it

319
00:14:56,154 --> 00:14:57,939
and bring in Morgan Freeman,
who I've hired

320
00:14:58,113 --> 00:14:59,636
to narrate your commercials.

321
00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:02,030
We're gonna fight voice
with voice.

322
00:15:02,204 --> 00:15:04,815
Wild West claims to know
what's best for Quahog,

323
00:15:04,989 --> 00:15:06,643
but there's a better choice.

324
00:15:06,817 --> 00:15:08,210
And I know about choice.

325
00:15:08,384 --> 00:15:10,386
I chose to be in <i>Ted 2.</i>

326
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:11,735
Nobody made me.

327
00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:13,737
I wasn't forced at gunpoint.

328
00:15:13,911 --> 00:15:17,219
I relied on my advisors,
and they let me down.

329
00:15:17,393 --> 00:15:19,047
"They'll fix the script,"
they said.

330
00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:20,700
Well, they were wrong.

331
00:15:20,874 --> 00:15:22,964
I thought I'd get to act
with a talking teddy bear,

332
00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:24,530
but when I got there,

333
00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:27,533
it was just two ping-pong balls
on a stick.

334
00:15:27,707 --> 00:15:29,971
Or maybe that was
Amanda Seyfried.

335
00:15:30,145 --> 00:15:31,842
I don't know.

336
00:15:32,016 --> 00:15:34,932
Okay, thank-thank you.
Thank you, Morgan. Thank you.

337
00:15:35,106 --> 00:15:37,369
Peter, just let me speak
to the voters

338
00:15:37,543 --> 00:15:40,068
about the issues
they're concerned about.

339
00:15:40,242 --> 00:15:42,070
Or, instead of doing
that stupid thing,

340
00:15:42,244 --> 00:15:44,420
we could sabotage
Wild West's campaign.

341
00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:46,117
Come on, you can drive.

342
00:15:51,209 --> 00:15:53,081
Big Garfield fan, huh?

343
00:15:53,255 --> 00:15:54,604
Me, too.

344
00:15:54,778 --> 00:15:56,458
- Not this big.
- You know, a lot of people

345
00:15:56,606 --> 00:16:00,175
think I'm obsessed,
but I think I'm pretty <i>nermal.</i>

346
00:16:00,349 --> 00:16:02,003
[laughing]

347
00:16:02,177 --> 00:16:04,483
Okay, you reeled me back in.

348
00:16:20,804 --> 00:16:24,503
[quietly]:
Let's see how popular you are
when I cut off your mustache.

349
00:16:44,219 --> 00:16:45,263
[grunts]

350
00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:48,310
How is this so strong?

351
00:16:48,484 --> 00:16:52,575
My hair follicles run deeper
than the roots of a sequoia.

352
00:16:52,749 --> 00:16:54,403
Git him, fella.

353
00:16:54,577 --> 00:16:56,057
Oh! Aah!

354
00:16:56,231 --> 00:16:57,231
[grunts]

355
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,409
Aah!

356
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:01,845
Nice work.

357
00:17:02,019 --> 00:17:04,065
MUSTACHE [deep voice]:
Thanks, boss.

358
00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:06,937
[bushes rustling]

359
00:17:15,163 --> 00:17:17,078
[sizzling]

360
00:17:23,649 --> 00:17:24,476
Uh-oh.

361
00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:25,912
Hello?

362
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,958
Could somebody help me?

363
00:17:28,132 --> 00:17:30,569
Don't panic, The Librarian.

364
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,879
[screams]

365
00:17:38,229 --> 00:17:40,188
WILD WEST:
Hang on, little lady.

366
00:17:40,362 --> 00:17:41,798
I'm a-comin'.

367
00:17:45,454 --> 00:17:47,108
♪

368
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,910
[gasps]

369
00:18:09,826 --> 00:18:12,829
- I told you I could levitate.
- You did.

370
00:18:13,003 --> 00:18:15,484
BRUCE:
Do the thing with the hose!

371
00:18:15,658 --> 00:18:18,226
[indistinct chatter]

372
00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:20,967
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.

373
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,534
Our top story tonight:

374
00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:25,363
Quahog's new mayor is Wild West.

375
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,844
[cheering]

376
00:18:28,018 --> 00:18:30,194
With a final vote of 43 to 19,

377
00:18:30,368 --> 00:18:32,370
it's clear that
no one really cared.

378
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,155
Nice job, guys.

379
00:18:34,329 --> 00:18:36,287
Peter, can I talk to you?

380
00:18:36,461 --> 00:18:39,595
- What?
- Look, I know we've had
our differences,

381
00:18:39,769 --> 00:18:42,685
but I'm hoping that someday
we can bury the hatchet,

382
00:18:42,859 --> 00:18:44,469
maybe even be friends.

383
00:18:44,643 --> 00:18:48,430
Until then, I want you
to take care of this for me.

384
00:18:48,604 --> 00:18:50,258
[quiet squeaking]

385
00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:52,521
[gasps]
For me?

386
00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:54,610
Thank you, Wild West.

387
00:18:54,784 --> 00:18:57,874
And... I'm sorry I tried
to destroy your reputation

388
00:18:58,048 --> 00:18:59,963
by burning down a library.

389
00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:03,401
I can see now that...
I'm better than that.

390
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:06,404
[squeaking]

391
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,972
Wild West, I just want to say
congratulations,

392
00:19:09,146 --> 00:19:11,714
and I know you'll do a great job
for our town.

393
00:19:11,888 --> 00:19:14,456
I appreciate that, Lois,
and you can rest easy

394
00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:17,198
knowing that you
and the good people of Quahog

395
00:19:17,372 --> 00:19:20,244
are safe under my watchful eye.

396
00:19:20,418 --> 00:19:23,378
- You ever kill a man?
- What?! Why?

397
00:19:23,552 --> 00:19:25,902
Just making conversation.

398
00:19:32,430 --> 00:19:34,998
Wild West,
why don't you play us a song?

399
00:19:35,172 --> 00:19:38,393
Aw, shucks,
I don't know if I could do that.

400
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,356
[playing intro
to "Blue Shadows on the Trail"]

401
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:51,014
♪ <i>Arizona moon keep shining</i> ♪

402
00:19:52,798 --> 00:19:56,846
♪ <i>From the desert sky above</i> ♪

403
00:19:58,804 --> 00:20:00,415
♪ <i>You know pretty soon</i> ♪

404
00:20:00,589 --> 00:20:03,113
♪ <i>That big yellow moon</i> ♪

405
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:05,507
♪ <i>Will light the way back</i> ♪

406
00:20:05,681 --> 00:20:09,424
♪ <i>To the one you love</i> ♪

407
00:20:09,598 --> 00:20:11,948
♪ <i>Blue</i> ♪

408
00:20:12,122 --> 00:20:13,776
♪ <i>Shadows</i> ♪

409
00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:18,259
♪ <i>On the trail</i> ♪

410
00:20:22,132 --> 00:20:24,308
♪ <i>Little cowboy</i> ♪

411
00:20:24,482 --> 00:20:27,268
♪ <i>Close your eyes</i> ♪

412
00:20:27,442 --> 00:20:29,879
♪ <i>And dream</i> ♪

413
00:20:31,446 --> 00:20:33,012
♪ <i>All of the doggies</i> ♪

414
00:20:33,186 --> 00:20:36,407
♪ <i>Are in the corral</i> ♪

415
00:20:36,581 --> 00:20:39,410
♪ <i>All of your work is done</i> ♪

416
00:20:42,152 --> 00:20:43,980
♪ <i>Just close your eyes</i> ♪

417
00:20:44,154 --> 00:20:46,809
♪ <i>And dream, little pal</i> ♪

418
00:20:46,983 --> 00:20:49,115
♪ <i>Dream of</i> ♪

419
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,640
♪ <i>Someone</i> ♪

420
00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:55,426
♪ <i>Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom,
bom-bom-bom ♪</i>

421
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,994
♪ <i>Bom, bom-bom-bom,
bom-bom, bom-bom ♪</i>

422
00:20:58,168 --> 00:21:00,736
♪ <i>Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom,
bom-bom-bom ♪</i>

423
00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:04,305
♪ <i>Bom, bom-bom-bom,
bom-bom, bom-bom, bom. ♪</i>

