1 00:00:01,447 --> 00:00:04,634 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,635 --> 00:00:08,248 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,249 --> 00:00:11,688 ♪ But where are those good old‐fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,755 --> 00:00:14,694 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,761 --> 00:00:18,335 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,402 --> 00:00:21,541 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,608 --> 00:00:23,212 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,279 --> 00:00:24,381 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,447 --> 00:00:30,226 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,740 Chris, you've hardly touched your food. 11 00:00:37,807 --> 00:00:40,413 - Mom, are you a scientist? - No. 12 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,419 Then quit putting me under a microscope! 13 00:00:43,485 --> 00:00:44,621 Ah, there you are. 14 00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:47,260 Boy, does it feel good to walk into the right house. 15 00:00:47,327 --> 00:00:50,466 - Hey, Dad, are you a scientist? - Don't answer, Peter. 16 00:00:50,533 --> 00:00:52,770 Oh, by the way, don't make plans for Sunday. 17 00:00:52,837 --> 00:00:54,774 We're taking Stewie to the children's museum. 18 00:00:54,841 --> 00:00:56,945 Can't go, Lois, I got tickets to a meaningless 19 00:00:57,012 --> 00:00:58,449 April baseball game. 20 00:00:58,515 --> 00:01:00,619 Now, who wants to come with me and be as cold as 21 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,256 you've ever been in your whole life? 22 00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,759 - I do. - Awesome. 23 00:01:03,826 --> 00:01:06,898 We're gonna have a great time, like flies on dog poop. 24 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:12,443 Sorry, gentlemen, the dog poop is full. 25 00:01:12,510 --> 00:01:14,514 Come on in, ladies. 26 00:01:25,703 --> 00:01:27,273 Why is Meg here? 27 00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:29,944 Something happened last week and she can't be left alone. 28 00:01:30,011 --> 00:01:31,915 Like, legally. 29 00:01:31,982 --> 00:01:34,287 Meg, where you going? 30 00:01:34,354 --> 00:01:35,923 Come on, Meg, you got to stay by me. 31 00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:37,460 I wasn't gonna do anything. 32 00:01:37,527 --> 00:01:39,397 Look, it's just a few months. 33 00:01:39,464 --> 00:01:42,737 - Next. - Hi. Three adults and one infant, please. 34 00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:45,476 Nice try, lady. That kid's at least three. 35 00:01:45,543 --> 00:01:48,315 What? That's insane. 36 00:01:48,382 --> 00:01:49,818 Brian, do I look old to you? 37 00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:52,757 You look fine. Guys shouldn't have those, by the way. 38 00:01:52,824 --> 00:01:54,694 But the museum man‐‐ Meg wandered off. 39 00:01:54,761 --> 00:01:56,041 That may end up being a problem. 40 00:01:56,098 --> 00:01:58,335 The museum man just said I looked over two. 41 00:01:58,402 --> 00:02:00,004 That's mid‐toddler. 42 00:02:00,072 --> 00:02:01,608 I ain't trying to hear that. 43 00:02:01,675 --> 00:02:04,280 Stewie, who cares? Let's just enjoy the museum. 44 00:02:04,347 --> 00:02:06,318 Uh‐oh, frustrated solo parent. 45 00:02:06,384 --> 00:02:08,655 I want the museum with the pumpkins. 46 00:02:08,722 --> 00:02:10,826 That's the pumpkin patch. It's gone. 47 00:02:10,893 --> 00:02:12,797 ‐ ‐Get up, Holden. 48 00:02:12,864 --> 00:02:15,603 Holden, get... up. 49 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,573 Get up. God! 50 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:20,846 - Get up and we'll get a toy. - Yay. 51 00:02:20,913 --> 00:02:22,984 I'm doing the best I can! 52 00:02:27,927 --> 00:02:29,531 Excuse us, coming through. 53 00:02:29,597 --> 00:02:30,766 Both fat. Sorry. 54 00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:32,336 All right, we got it. 55 00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:33,481 What is it, bottom of the fourth? 56 00:02:33,505 --> 00:02:35,509 My Lord, it's cold. 57 00:02:35,576 --> 00:02:38,715 Chris, look. Two Irish guys who aren't drinking. 58 00:02:38,782 --> 00:02:41,354 I just got me 30‐minute chip. 59 00:02:41,421 --> 00:02:44,961 Well done, lad. Here's to you. 60 00:02:45,029 --> 00:02:48,035 Oh, well, Finnegan begin again. 61 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,904 ANNOUNCER Now batting for Boston, 62 00:02:49,971 --> 00:02:51,374 Xander Bogaerts. 63 00:02:53,445 --> 00:02:55,549 All right, Dad, I've got my ball ready 64 00:02:55,616 --> 00:02:57,687 in case Xander hits a glove our way. 65 00:02:57,753 --> 00:03:00,459 Okay, got to talk more sports with you. 66 00:03:06,571 --> 00:03:08,342 Yeah! 67 00:03:10,412 --> 00:03:14,621 Folks, that was Xander Bogaerts' 200th career home run. 68 00:03:17,093 --> 00:03:19,564 Heavens to Betsy, what a home run. 69 00:03:19,631 --> 00:03:21,835 Aye. Now let's take offense at something 70 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,040 we thought we heard someone say. 71 00:03:24,107 --> 00:03:25,809 Let's go, Red Sox. 72 00:03:25,876 --> 00:03:27,747 What did you call me? 73 00:03:33,725 --> 00:03:36,064 Now, before you say anything, Brian, 74 00:03:36,131 --> 00:03:37,733 this is very important to me. 75 00:03:40,472 --> 00:03:42,510 Stewie, what the hell did you do to yourself? 76 00:03:42,576 --> 00:03:43,679 Nothing. Almost nothing. 77 00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,683 Just a little Botox, a little filler. 78 00:03:45,749 --> 00:03:47,920 - Maybe some strings. - Stewie, I can't believe... 79 00:03:47,987 --> 00:03:50,092 Oh, there's Meg. She's wandering outside. 80 00:03:50,159 --> 00:03:51,895 She shouldn't be doing that, right? 81 00:03:51,961 --> 00:03:54,534 Meg, come back inside. 82 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,073 You're not in trouble, just come back inside. 83 00:03:57,139 --> 00:04:00,112 She should be in her room thinking about what she did. 84 00:04:00,179 --> 00:04:02,049 Stewie, this face‐lift was a big mistake. 85 00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:04,887 Like letting ducks be part of the Boston Tea Party. 86 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,393 We're gonna storm that ship and get all the tea 87 00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:08,729 and throw it in the water. 88 00:04:10,632 --> 00:04:13,538 Yeah, but first we're gonna storm that other ship 89 00:04:13,605 --> 00:04:16,177 and get all the bread and throw it in the water. 90 00:04:16,244 --> 00:04:18,749 - Who's with me? - 91 00:04:18,815 --> 00:04:21,755 And we got to tear the bread into bite‐size pieces 92 00:04:21,821 --> 00:04:24,827 'cause of... for taxes! 93 00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,773 Thanks for taking me to the baseball game, Dad. 94 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:32,910 It was so fun to watch the basketball game 95 00:04:32,977 --> 00:04:34,947 on the phone of the guy in front of us. 96 00:04:35,014 --> 00:04:37,453 Yeah, I like that people are never doing what they're doing. 97 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,991 Hey, you're the dumpy kid who caught Xander's homer. 98 00:04:40,058 --> 00:04:41,628 I seen it on the jumbotron. 99 00:04:41,694 --> 00:04:43,632 I'll give you a hundred bucks for it right now. 100 00:04:43,698 --> 00:04:45,469 Oh, I just brought this ball from... 101 00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:50,145 Uh, uh, home. Caught from home. Home plate, where Xander was. 102 00:04:50,212 --> 00:04:52,015 We're gonna need 300 for it. 103 00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:54,487 Hmm. Well, I guess it's a historic ball. 104 00:04:54,554 --> 00:04:57,159 Okay, you got a deal. 105 00:04:57,226 --> 00:05:00,699 Wow, I can't believe that guy just paid us $300 106 00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:02,203 for a regular baseball. 107 00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:03,972 Yeah, that was so easy. 108 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,544 Man, people will buy anything if they think 109 00:05:06,611 --> 00:05:08,048 it's from something famous. 110 00:05:08,114 --> 00:05:10,886 And he didn't even check to see if that was the real ball. 111 00:05:10,953 --> 00:05:12,623 My God, you're right, Chris. 112 00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:14,994 I bet we could sell a ton of balls like that, 113 00:05:15,062 --> 00:05:17,600 and maybe other stuff, too, not just sports. 114 00:05:17,666 --> 00:05:20,572 Hey, what do you say you and me start 115 00:05:20,639 --> 00:05:22,610 a phony memorabilia business? 116 00:05:22,676 --> 00:05:24,012 - I'm in. - Great. 117 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,484 Now let's walk through the dangerous part of the city 118 00:05:26,551 --> 00:05:29,490 'cause Daddy didn't want to pay three extra bucks for parking. 119 00:05:29,557 --> 00:05:32,663 Aah! Boston University guys, not Harvard guys! 120 00:05:33,999 --> 00:05:37,072 Doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy... 121 00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:45,689 Hey, Chris, what are you up to? 122 00:05:45,756 --> 00:05:48,295 Just finishing our fake memorabilia website. 123 00:05:48,361 --> 00:05:50,699 - What's this now? - From last night. 124 00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:52,303 It was your idea. 125 00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:53,805 Oh, I was blacked out. 126 00:05:53,872 --> 00:05:57,011 - You drove us home. - Yeah, with the window open. 127 00:05:57,079 --> 00:05:59,550 You see, son, fresh air‐‐ Hey, Meg. 128 00:05:59,617 --> 00:06:01,721 Sweetie, where's your hallway buddy? 129 00:06:01,788 --> 00:06:02,957 Dad, I'm fine. 130 00:06:03,024 --> 00:06:04,927 I know you're fine. I'm fine. We're all fine. 131 00:06:04,994 --> 00:06:07,008 It's just I'm gonna need you to go find your hallway buddy. 132 00:06:07,032 --> 00:06:09,737 Okay? There's a good girl. Thank you. 133 00:06:15,849 --> 00:06:17,786 Oh, my God, your baby is adorable. 134 00:06:17,853 --> 00:06:21,060 - So cute. - Let me guess, ten months? 135 00:06:21,127 --> 00:06:23,898 Oh, my God, My new look is working. 136 00:06:23,965 --> 00:06:26,571 I'm back into months. 137 00:06:26,638 --> 00:06:28,642 Chris, what's all that lotion for? 138 00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,879 Are you a scientist, Mom? 139 00:06:30,946 --> 00:06:34,120 - I'm a scientist. - It's for masturbating. 140 00:06:38,161 --> 00:06:40,198 Okay, time to hit the road 141 00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:42,202 for the sports and memorabilia convention. 142 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,005 - Ready to go? - Yep. 143 00:06:44,073 --> 00:06:45,942 All right, here we go. 144 00:06:47,646 --> 00:06:49,250 I have to go to the bathroom. 145 00:06:49,316 --> 00:06:50,752 Chris, we just left. 146 00:06:50,819 --> 00:06:52,356 I know, but I got to go. 147 00:06:52,423 --> 00:06:55,362 Ah, fine. We'll pull over at Joe's. 148 00:06:55,429 --> 00:06:58,034 - Bathroom's for customers only. - 149 00:06:58,101 --> 00:06:59,603 All right, how much is the gum? 150 00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,240 - Four dollars. - For gum? 151 00:07:01,307 --> 00:07:04,180 - Go somewhere else. - Fine. 152 00:07:04,246 --> 00:07:06,584 Bathroom code is six‐six‐four‐eight‐two‐ 153 00:07:06,651 --> 00:07:08,722 six‐one‐zero‐three‐ five‐five‐four‐nine. 154 00:07:08,788 --> 00:07:10,559 Could you‐‐ Could you say that again? 155 00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:12,162 You got to buy another pack of gum. 156 00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,204 Six‐six‐four‐eight‐two‐six‐one‐ 157 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,074 zero‐three‐five‐five‐four‐nine. 158 00:07:18,141 --> 00:07:19,710 Okay, six‐six‐four‐eight‐two... 159 00:07:19,777 --> 00:07:20,779 What‐What's the rest? 160 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,118 Here, let me have Tommy Tutone sing it for you. 161 00:07:23,184 --> 00:07:25,122 ♪ Six‐six‐four‐eight ♪ 162 00:07:25,188 --> 00:07:27,926 ♪ Two‐six‐one‐zero‐three‐ five‐five‐four‐nine ♪ 163 00:07:27,993 --> 00:07:29,196 ♪ Six‐six‐four‐eight ♪ 164 00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:32,069 ♪ Two‐six‐one‐zero‐three‐ five‐five‐four‐nine ♪ 165 00:07:32,136 --> 00:07:33,938 - ♪ I got it ♪ - ♪ He got it ♪ 166 00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:35,609 ♪ I got it. ♪ 167 00:07:41,387 --> 00:07:42,956 What's this? 168 00:07:43,024 --> 00:07:45,962 This is O. J. Simpson's Heisman Trophy. 169 00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:47,266 Are you crazy? 170 00:07:47,332 --> 00:07:49,236 You shouldn't claim to have that. 171 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,806 Relax, it's fine. 172 00:07:50,872 --> 00:07:53,178 What are the chances he tries to steal it back twice? 173 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,019 Hey, did he sign your head? 174 00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:59,657 - No. - He signed my head. 175 00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:06,747 Stewie, you know, I've been thinking about this whole‐‐ 176 00:08:06,771 --> 00:08:09,610 Oh, my God, what happened to your face? 177 00:08:09,677 --> 00:08:12,149 - Stewie? - Hello? Who's there? 178 00:08:12,216 --> 00:08:15,055 Sorry, Brian, my eyes don't close when I sleep, 179 00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:17,793 and I'm blind for a few seconds when I first wake up. 180 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:19,797 Stewie, you got more plastic surgery? 181 00:08:19,864 --> 00:08:21,334 I know, it was a mistake. 182 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,137 I told you not to do this. 183 00:08:23,204 --> 00:08:25,242 You're way too young to be getting plastic surgery. 184 00:08:27,412 --> 00:08:29,149 - Stewie! - What? Who's there? 185 00:08:29,216 --> 00:08:31,654 Sorry, Brian, my eyes don't close when I sleep, 186 00:08:31,721 --> 00:08:34,093 and I'm blind for a few seconds when I first wake up. 187 00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:35,279 Yeah, you already said that. 188 00:08:35,528 --> 00:08:38,101 I think one of the cuts got too close to my brain. 189 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:40,105 Brian, school pictures are in two days. 190 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,674 What am I gonna do? 191 00:08:41,741 --> 00:08:43,741 All right, don't worry. Here's what we're gonna do. 192 00:08:45,081 --> 00:08:46,350 - Stewie! - Who's there? 193 00:08:46,417 --> 00:08:49,056 Oh, Brian, I need your help. This is a nightmare. 194 00:08:49,123 --> 00:08:51,394 I couldn't afford Jennifer Aniston's doctor. 195 00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:53,364 I had to use Kenny Rogers'. 196 00:09:01,447 --> 00:09:03,151 Great news, Dad. 197 00:09:03,217 --> 00:09:06,657 Legit Collectibles just had our biggest sale ever. 198 00:09:06,724 --> 00:09:08,170 Shh, I don't want your mother to hear. 199 00:09:08,194 --> 00:09:09,663 Don't worry, she won't. 200 00:09:09,730 --> 00:09:12,102 She's on the phone with her dramatic friend Gina. 201 00:09:12,169 --> 00:09:14,273 No, I believe you saw a ghost, 202 00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:17,011 but y‐you talked to him for 45 minutes? 203 00:09:17,079 --> 00:09:18,982 Maybe that part was a dream. 204 00:09:19,049 --> 00:09:20,685 Okay, what'd we sell? 205 00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:22,956 You know the captain's hat we said Sully Sullenberger 206 00:09:23,024 --> 00:09:25,028 was wearing when he landed in the Hudson? 207 00:09:25,095 --> 00:09:27,899 Someone bought it off our website for five grand. 208 00:09:27,966 --> 00:09:30,405 No way. What moron paid that much? 209 00:09:30,472 --> 00:09:33,711 Um, someone named 210 00:09:33,778 --> 00:09:35,482 Obi‐Wan Quagmire. 211 00:09:35,548 --> 00:09:38,888 - I wonder if they mean old Glenn Quagmire. - 212 00:09:40,158 --> 00:09:42,396 Check out my new Sully Sullenberger hat. 213 00:09:42,462 --> 00:09:44,099 And tell Kate to clear the runway 214 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,070 'cause I'm going down on the Hudson. 215 00:09:46,137 --> 00:09:47,773 The‐the Hudson Brothers? 216 00:09:47,839 --> 00:09:49,276 No. Who are they? 217 00:09:49,343 --> 00:09:50,912 Oh, we've got a short clip. 218 00:09:53,284 --> 00:09:56,090 ‐ 219 00:09:56,157 --> 00:09:57,259 It's The Hudson Brothers 220 00:09:57,325 --> 00:09:59,096 Razzle Dazzle Show, 221 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:03,037 starring Bill, Mark and Brett, the Hudson Brothers. 222 00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:10,218 With Ted Zeigler, 223 00:10:10,285 --> 00:10:12,122 Billy Van, 224 00:10:12,189 --> 00:10:14,226 and Peter Cullen. 225 00:10:14,293 --> 00:10:16,464 Murray Langston and Freeman King. 226 00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:19,001 Avril Chown. 227 00:10:19,069 --> 00:10:21,507 The Bear. 228 00:10:21,574 --> 00:10:26,183 And Rod Hull and his extraordinary Australian emu. 229 00:10:29,056 --> 00:10:31,260 And sets, lights, and all sorts of fun things... 230 00:10:32,662 --> 00:10:36,303 ...on The Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show. 231 00:10:38,574 --> 00:10:40,612 - ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ - ♪ Set yourself down ♪ 232 00:10:40,678 --> 00:10:43,016 - ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ - ♪ It's time to turn it on ♪ 233 00:10:43,084 --> 00:10:45,021 - ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ - ♪ Get up on your feet ♪ 234 00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:48,027 ♪ And razzle‐dazzle ♪ 235 00:10:57,279 --> 00:10:59,883 - ♪ Hey, do you want a good time? ♪ - ♪ Razzle ♪ 236 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:02,064 - ♪ Well, we're gonna lay it on the line ♪ - ♪ Dazzle ♪ 237 00:11:02,088 --> 00:11:03,858 ♪ Now we're gonna have a good time ♪ 238 00:11:03,925 --> 00:11:05,995 ♪ And razzle‐dazzle ♪ 239 00:11:06,063 --> 00:11:08,501 - ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ - ♪ Set yourself down ♪ 240 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,106 - ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ - ♪ It's time to turn it on ♪ 241 00:11:11,173 --> 00:11:13,110 - ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ - ♪ Get up on your feet ♪ 242 00:11:13,177 --> 00:11:14,980 ♪ And razzle‐dazzle... ♪ 243 00:11:16,584 --> 00:11:18,154 ...take my Saturday morning away. 244 00:11:18,221 --> 00:11:20,925 I'll show them... 245 00:11:49,249 --> 00:11:52,222 And here they are, the Hudson Brothers. 246 00:12:02,142 --> 00:12:06,317 ♪ We're gonna razzle‐dazzle you ♪ 247 00:12:06,383 --> 00:12:09,489 ♪ You'll never believe all the things we can do ♪ 248 00:12:09,556 --> 00:12:13,064 ♪ We're gonna razzle‐dazzle you ♪ 249 00:12:13,130 --> 00:12:17,004 ♪ Yes, we're gonna razzle‐dazzle ♪ 250 00:12:17,072 --> 00:12:18,174 ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ 251 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,576 ♪ Set yourself down ♪ 252 00:12:19,643 --> 00:12:21,280 ♪ Razzle dazzle ♪ 253 00:12:21,347 --> 00:12:23,016 ♪ It's time to turn it on ♪ 254 00:12:23,084 --> 00:12:27,058 ♪ Razzle dazzle. ♪ 255 00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,280 We'll be right back. 256 00:12:46,907 --> 00:12:48,877 Bird strike. We hit a goose. 257 00:12:48,944 --> 00:12:50,915 I'm going down. I'm going down. 258 00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:54,689 Nope. Not today. 259 00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:00,701 Oh, boy, we are screwed. 260 00:13:00,768 --> 00:13:03,741 If Mr. Quagmire ever finds out that's just The Skipper's hat 261 00:13:03,807 --> 00:13:06,813 from our Skipper and Gilligan Halloween costume last year... 262 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,218 You sold him my Skipper hat? 263 00:13:10,821 --> 00:13:13,427 Damn it, I need the hat. But you're right. 264 00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:14,839 If he ever figures it out, we're in trouble. 265 00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:16,333 What are we gonna do? 266 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,773 Well, we definitely shouldn't kill him, Dad. 267 00:13:19,839 --> 00:13:22,445 Right? That's not an option? 268 00:13:22,512 --> 00:13:24,849 At this point, there's only one way out of this. 269 00:13:24,916 --> 00:13:27,789 Time to use the go bag. 270 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,863 Chris, you are now Colin Parmesan of Athens, Greece. 271 00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:34,502 You sell prosthetic ears to veterans. 272 00:13:34,569 --> 00:13:36,673 - Got it. - Would you like any more details? 273 00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:39,879 Dad, I'm an ear salesman. I got it. 274 00:13:39,946 --> 00:13:44,221 And I'm Mr. Fields, husband of cookie legend Mrs. Fields. 275 00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:45,891 You could pick anyone and you chose 276 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,230 to be the husband of somebody famous? 277 00:13:48,297 --> 00:13:50,367 Look, it lets me have all the cookies I want 278 00:13:50,434 --> 00:13:51,737 and play golf every day. 279 00:13:51,803 --> 00:13:53,240 Okay, I guess you're right. 280 00:13:53,307 --> 00:13:55,244 Happily married, you do what you like. 281 00:13:55,311 --> 00:13:56,680 Well, we're great friends. 282 00:13:56,747 --> 00:13:58,684 Oh, I'm sorry. 283 00:13:58,751 --> 00:14:00,354 No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. 284 00:14:00,421 --> 00:14:01,923 We‐we both realized the physical thing 285 00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:04,194 wasn't working for us anymore and we sleep much better 286 00:14:04,262 --> 00:14:06,533 in our separate bedrooms in the same house. 287 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,506 And I can keep my room cold, how I like it. 288 00:14:09,572 --> 00:14:12,378 Dad, you sound like you're gonna cry. 289 00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:16,253 Sometimes you realize happily ever after isn't for everyone. 290 00:14:16,319 --> 00:14:19,292 ‐ ‐I don't think this is gonna work. 291 00:14:25,638 --> 00:14:27,542 What you keep looking at, Peter? 292 00:14:27,608 --> 00:14:29,512 Do you know about some terror? 293 00:14:29,579 --> 00:14:32,518 No, no, relax. I'm‐I'm just, uh, just curious to see 294 00:14:32,585 --> 00:14:34,622 what Quagmire's gonna be wearing when he gets here. 295 00:14:34,689 --> 00:14:38,530 I think our outfits are pretty much set, Pete. 296 00:14:38,597 --> 00:14:41,703 Check it out, guys, 297 00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,640 the cap Sully Sullenberger wore 298 00:14:43,707 --> 00:14:45,277 when he landed in the Hudson River. 299 00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:46,746 Whoa, that's his actual hat? 300 00:14:46,813 --> 00:14:48,951 Yep. Want to smell Sully's sweat? 301 00:14:49,017 --> 00:14:51,289 I don't smell anything. 302 00:14:51,356 --> 00:14:55,464 That's right. 'Cause Sully never sweats. 303 00:14:55,531 --> 00:14:57,835 Is this someone white people know? 304 00:14:57,902 --> 00:14:59,973 I'm gonna get it signed by the man himself. 305 00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:03,313 Wait, Sully's alive? And you're gonna show it to him? 306 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:04,883 Sure am. He's doing a signing tomorrow 307 00:15:04,949 --> 00:15:06,553 at the airport bookstore. 308 00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:08,700 Uh, hey, listen, I don't know about this plan, Glenn. 309 00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:10,928 Uh, nobody likes to see their old hats. 310 00:15:10,995 --> 00:15:12,441 Hey, if you're gonna be at the airport, 311 00:15:12,465 --> 00:15:14,302 could you pick me up a $45 neck pillow 312 00:15:14,369 --> 00:15:16,606 I'll forget to pack for my next trip? 313 00:15:16,673 --> 00:15:18,644 - I love this hat. - You know, Quagmire, 314 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,781 I was gonna be at the airport tomorrow anyway. 315 00:15:20,848 --> 00:15:22,861 Why don't I take your hat and get it signed for you? 316 00:15:22,885 --> 00:15:24,455 Why are you going to the airport? 317 00:15:24,522 --> 00:15:26,101 I want to hang out with the boarding group B 318 00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:27,795 cell phone holster guys. 319 00:15:27,862 --> 00:15:29,432 It's mostly just standing around 320 00:15:29,499 --> 00:15:32,338 and asking each other if we're also in group B. 321 00:15:32,405 --> 00:15:34,085 Do you also ask if group B has boarded yet, 322 00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,613 and "is this the line for boarding group B?" 323 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,319 Yeah, you know it, Joe. Are you a boarding group B guy? 324 00:15:39,385 --> 00:15:40,921 Me? Oh. 325 00:15:40,988 --> 00:15:42,925 No, no, no, no, no. 326 00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:46,333 I, uh, I get on early with the babies. 327 00:15:46,399 --> 00:15:47,544 Look, I'm already gonna be there, 328 00:15:47,568 --> 00:15:49,339 so you should just give me the hat. 329 00:15:49,405 --> 00:15:51,051 Yeah, thanks for the offer, but I'm not passing up 330 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,012 a chance to meet my hero. 331 00:15:53,079 --> 00:15:56,453 Is this the guy we're talking about? 332 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,965 Wow, I can't believe this. 333 00:16:03,032 --> 00:16:05,471 Daryl Hannah, it is an absolute pleasure. 334 00:16:05,537 --> 00:16:08,343 - I loved you in Splash. - No, Doctor, this is Stewie. 335 00:16:08,410 --> 00:16:10,079 He needs you to help fix his face. 336 00:16:10,146 --> 00:16:11,783 Oh, absolutely, I can do that. 337 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:13,954 Great. Is it a simple procedure? 338 00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:16,359 Oh, sure. We just break every bone in his face 339 00:16:16,426 --> 00:16:18,663 and then smush 'em back into position. 340 00:16:18,730 --> 00:16:21,503 Dr. Hartman, where'd you get your medical degree from? 341 00:16:21,569 --> 00:16:24,375 I went to BU. You know our fight song, right? 342 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:27,548 ♪ Doy, doy, d‐doy‐doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy. ♪ 343 00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:34,729 All right, Stewie. You ready? 344 00:16:34,796 --> 00:16:37,701 Wow. Dr. Hartman really did a good job. 345 00:16:37,768 --> 00:16:40,541 Yep. He told me bed rest and ice packs for two days 346 00:16:40,607 --> 00:16:43,145 so it can set, but I'm not missing picture day. 347 00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:45,751 Huh. You sure you shouldn't listen to the doctor? 348 00:16:45,818 --> 00:16:48,557 - Brian, I know what I'm doing. - Next. 349 00:16:50,126 --> 00:16:53,065 One, two, three. 350 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,749 Oh, my God, Tyler. Do you remember this? 351 00:17:01,816 --> 00:17:04,689 I do, I do. We've come a long way. 352 00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:07,695 We've come a lot of ways. 353 00:17:12,705 --> 00:17:14,675 All right, Chris, we got to stop Quagmire 354 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,412 from meeting Captain Sullenberger. 355 00:17:16,479 --> 00:17:19,151 Only thing is, since 9/11, you can't run in airports, 356 00:17:19,217 --> 00:17:21,956 so we got to fat‐guy hustle‐walk our way there. 357 00:17:30,139 --> 00:17:31,743 Oh, no. We're too late. 358 00:17:31,809 --> 00:17:34,582 We shouldn't have stopped for that airport Toblerone. 359 00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:37,821 We had to. It's like European shark teeth. 360 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:43,098 Hold on, Sully's looking at the hat. 361 00:17:43,165 --> 00:17:44,869 It is an honor to meet you, sir. 362 00:17:44,936 --> 00:17:47,106 And it was an honor to purchase the actual hat 363 00:17:47,173 --> 00:17:48,944 you wore on that fateful day. 364 00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:51,649 - You know, I'm a pilot myself. - Oh, you are? 365 00:17:51,716 --> 00:17:53,553 What's your record for longest "uh"? 366 00:17:53,620 --> 00:17:55,657 - Eleven seconds. - Let's hear it. 367 00:17:55,724 --> 00:17:58,730 Folks, from the tower, uh... 368 00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:09,852 ...they've cleared us to push back, 369 00:18:09,919 --> 00:18:11,456 we'll be departing shortly. 370 00:18:11,522 --> 00:18:14,729 Hey, that's great. My personal best is 34 sec... 371 00:18:14,795 --> 00:18:16,733 34 seconds in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 372 00:18:16,799 --> 00:18:20,674 I know. The Tulsa Uh. As I said, big fan. 373 00:18:24,849 --> 00:18:26,184 Here you go. 374 00:18:27,855 --> 00:18:29,859 Thank you, sir. 375 00:18:32,998 --> 00:18:35,804 Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to my life 376 00:18:35,871 --> 00:18:38,943 as the most famous Chesley who's ever lived. 377 00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,516 This is the greatest day of my life. 378 00:18:43,185 --> 00:18:44,689 ‐ ‐Ow, my smoothie. 379 00:18:44,755 --> 00:18:47,761 Ow, mine, too. I'm on the other side. 380 00:18:47,828 --> 00:18:51,001 I can't believe it. Sully didn't tell him the hat was fake. 381 00:18:51,068 --> 00:18:54,875 Well, he's not that smart. He did crash a plane. 382 00:18:54,942 --> 00:18:57,013 Excuse me, uh, Captain Sullenberger, 383 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,850 I was just wondering why you pretended 384 00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:00,687 that was your real hat just then. 385 00:19:00,754 --> 00:19:02,558 - Well, Peter... - I never said my name. 386 00:19:02,624 --> 00:19:04,127 ...when my plane was going down, 387 00:19:04,194 --> 00:19:07,166 I remembered a famous saying we have in aviation. 388 00:19:07,234 --> 00:19:11,943 It goes, "Chesley is a perfectly normal name for a person." 389 00:19:12,009 --> 00:19:14,949 And what it means is, you have to believe in yourself. 390 00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:17,688 I didn't think I could land my plane in the Hudson, 391 00:19:17,755 --> 00:19:19,492 but I believed I could. 392 00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:22,598 And that belief gave me the courage to try. 393 00:19:22,664 --> 00:19:25,035 So, if that man believes he has my hat, 394 00:19:25,102 --> 00:19:27,808 maybe that'll make him a little bit better husband... 395 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,177 - Nope. - Little better dad... 396 00:19:29,245 --> 00:19:30,947 - Nope. - Little better sex character 397 00:19:31,014 --> 00:19:33,553 who doesn't play as well in the Me Too era. 398 00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:35,122 Oh, so you do watch the show. 399 00:19:35,189 --> 00:19:37,961 It's on, I‐it's on a lot of planes. 400 00:19:38,028 --> 00:19:42,136 All I know is, I didn't save 155 souls 401 00:19:42,203 --> 00:19:45,844 on the Hudson just to shatter dreams on land. 402 00:19:45,911 --> 00:19:49,017 You know what? You're as good a guy as they say. 403 00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:51,556 Hey, why do they call this place the Hudson News? 404 00:19:51,622 --> 00:19:53,091 I assume it's because they're owned 405 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:55,263 - by the Hudson Brothers. - Sully, no! 406 00:19:58,135 --> 00:20:00,707 ‐ 407 00:20:00,774 --> 00:20:03,613 It's the Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show, 408 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,588 starring Bill, Mark and Brett, the Hudson Brothers. 409 00:20:15,035 --> 00:20:17,274 Well, Chris, I guess we learned our lesson 410 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,110 about selling phony memorabilia. 411 00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:20,280 Did we? 412 00:20:20,547 --> 00:20:23,620 We never got caught and we actually made some money. 413 00:20:23,686 --> 00:20:25,122 Oh, yeah, you're right. 414 00:20:25,189 --> 00:20:27,895 Hey, hand me that stack of Kobe jerseys and a Sharpie. 415 00:20:27,961 --> 00:20:29,899 Guys, I just found Meg's ankle bracelet. 416 00:20:29,965 --> 00:20:32,169 - So? - Her foot's still in it. 417 00:20:53,246 --> 00:20:56,051 Hey, Meg? Where's your creek buddy? 418 00:20:56,117 --> 00:20:59,190 You're not in any trouble, you just need a creek buddy.