1 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:05,077 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,143 --> 00:00:08,416 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,483 --> 00:00:11,824 ♪ But where are those good old‐fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,891 --> 00:00:14,830 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,897 --> 00:00:18,504 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,571 --> 00:00:21,677 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,744 --> 00:00:23,413 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:24,482 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:30,260 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,439 Guys, sorry I'm late. 11 00:00:36,507 --> 00:00:38,678 I was watching The Muppet Show with Stewie. 12 00:00:39,713 --> 00:00:41,684 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 13 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,821 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 14 00:00:43,888 --> 00:00:45,792 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets ♪ 15 00:00:45,858 --> 00:00:47,461 ♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 16 00:00:47,529 --> 00:00:49,198 What's that from? 17 00:00:49,265 --> 00:00:51,570 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 18 00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:53,574 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 19 00:00:53,641 --> 00:00:55,578 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain ♪ 20 00:00:55,645 --> 00:00:57,682 ♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 21 00:00:57,749 --> 00:00:59,920 ♪ Why do we always come here? ♪ 22 00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:02,424 ♪ I guess we'll never know ♪ 23 00:01:02,491 --> 00:01:04,630 ♪ It's like some kind of torture ♪ 24 00:01:04,696 --> 00:01:06,232 ♪ To have to watch the show ♪ 25 00:01:08,537 --> 00:01:10,541 ♪ But now let's get things started ♪ 26 00:01:10,608 --> 00:01:12,679 ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪ 27 00:01:12,746 --> 00:01:14,549 ♪ It's time to get things started ♪ 28 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,920 ♪ On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 29 00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:19,291 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 30 00:01:19,358 --> 00:01:21,897 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 31 00:01:21,964 --> 00:01:26,674 ♪ The Muppet Show. 32 00:01:29,746 --> 00:01:32,184 Did you guys just make that up? 33 00:01:32,251 --> 00:01:35,490 Fellas, I want to introduce you to my fiancée Rachel. 34 00:01:35,558 --> 00:01:36,894 She's a wonderful woman, 35 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,798 and she's Madeleine Albright's niece. 36 00:01:38,864 --> 00:01:40,635 Oh, pleasure to meet you, Rachel. 37 00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:42,605 No! If you want to shake hands, 38 00:01:42,672 --> 00:01:44,208 put a sheet over that thing. 39 00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:46,780 I know it's last minute, but we got a great deal 40 00:01:46,847 --> 00:01:48,884 at CanceledBarMitzvahs.com, 41 00:01:48,951 --> 00:01:51,757 and you're all invited to our wedding this Thursday... 42 00:01:51,824 --> 00:01:53,561 - I can't go. - ...in New Orleans. 43 00:01:53,627 --> 00:01:54,972 By myself. I have to bring my family. 44 00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:56,767 - I'm in! - Yes! - Way in! 45 00:01:56,834 --> 00:02:00,273 Ah, New Orleans, combining the luck of Puerto Rico 46 00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:02,712 with the mosquitoes of Haiti. 47 00:02:08,256 --> 00:02:10,695 New Orleans. 48 00:02:10,762 --> 00:02:12,599 I can't wait to get up on a balcony 49 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:14,603 and bust out the twins. 50 00:02:14,669 --> 00:02:16,205 Did you hear what I said, Meg? 51 00:02:16,272 --> 00:02:17,942 I said I can't wait to get up on a balcony 52 00:02:18,009 --> 00:02:20,280 - and bust out the... - Yeah, I heard you. 53 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:25,257 Feels a little "hoo‐mid." 54 00:02:28,798 --> 00:02:30,668 What, what's that? 55 00:02:39,986 --> 00:02:41,790 Oh, every morning from 7:00 to 10:00 56 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,761 we serve a complimentary breakfast. 57 00:02:43,828 --> 00:02:45,665 Complimentary breakfast? 58 00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:48,369 Imagine the possibilities. 59 00:02:51,008 --> 00:02:52,612 Wow. 60 00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:55,317 - Can I get you a cup of coffee? - Coffee? 61 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,022 Imagine the possibilities. 62 00:03:00,728 --> 00:03:02,297 Wow. 63 00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:05,805 ♪ It's time to swim in coffee ♪ 64 00:03:05,872 --> 00:03:08,309 ♪ It's time to flutter kick. ♪ 65 00:03:08,376 --> 00:03:10,781 How did that Muppet song get in my head? 66 00:03:12,852 --> 00:03:14,789 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 67 00:03:14,856 --> 00:03:15,925 ♪ It's time to light... ♪ 68 00:03:15,992 --> 00:03:19,331 Oh, yeah, it was playing when we Inception‐ed. 69 00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:24,943 The bride and groom have written their own vows. 70 00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:26,813 Oh, no. 71 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,684 Rachel, I love you. 72 00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:31,924 And today we merge our lives, our hearts, 73 00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:33,961 and our fraudulent home businesses. 74 00:03:34,028 --> 00:03:37,334 Mort, may my plantar fasciitis act like the roots 75 00:03:37,401 --> 00:03:39,606 for our tree of love. 76 00:03:39,673 --> 00:03:42,010 We will reshape our lives together 77 00:03:42,077 --> 00:03:44,983 just as socks reshape my calves daily. 78 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:48,958 I am so happy to be merging the napkins in my pockets 79 00:03:49,024 --> 00:03:51,329 with the napkins in your pockets. 80 00:03:51,395 --> 00:03:53,466 Rachel, with you by my side 81 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:56,740 there is no Christmas display that I can't sue the city over. 82 00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:59,746 I vow to keep you nourished by filling our home 83 00:03:59,813 --> 00:04:01,683 with the worst wine in the world 84 00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:04,622 and preparing potatoes and applesauce. 85 00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:05,891 Just like nobody. 86 00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:07,829 And I vow to adorn our walls 87 00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:10,333 with only brown art from the '70s. 88 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,439 Mort, we're two peas in a pod. 89 00:04:13,507 --> 00:04:15,611 We just go together. 90 00:04:15,678 --> 00:04:19,051 You are the plastic covering to my furniture. 91 00:04:19,118 --> 00:04:21,322 And you are the little spit bubble 92 00:04:21,389 --> 00:04:22,925 in the corner of my mouth. 93 00:04:22,992 --> 00:04:26,733 Mort, you are my forever person. 94 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,535 Aw. 95 00:04:27,602 --> 00:04:29,939 May we continue to have no respect 96 00:04:30,006 --> 00:04:31,442 for other drivers on the road 97 00:04:31,510 --> 00:04:33,947 and view stop signs as suggestions. 98 00:04:34,014 --> 00:04:37,922 And, Rachel, you are my forever person. 99 00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:39,091 Aw. 100 00:04:39,158 --> 00:04:40,761 And may my dead ex‐wife's 101 00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:42,765 uncle's Netflix account continue 102 00:04:42,832 --> 00:04:46,038 to be fruitful to us for many years to come. 103 00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:47,975 Mort, do you take Rachel 104 00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:50,480 to be your wife in sickness and in sickness? 105 00:04:50,548 --> 00:04:51,883 I Jew. 106 00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:53,520 And, Rachel, do you take Mort 107 00:04:53,587 --> 00:04:56,726 to be your husband in bad times and bad? 108 00:04:56,793 --> 00:04:58,530 I Jew, too. 109 00:05:03,005 --> 00:05:04,676 Stewie, what's going on with you? 110 00:05:04,742 --> 00:05:07,114 I just found all that very moving. 111 00:05:07,180 --> 00:05:09,017 - Really? - Yes, I had no idea 112 00:05:09,084 --> 00:05:10,721 marriage could be that beautiful. 113 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:13,392 There really is somebody for everybody. 114 00:05:13,459 --> 00:05:15,798 Even Helen Keller had her tailor. 115 00:05:17,835 --> 00:05:21,977 $100, please, blind and deaf lady! 116 00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:30,928 Always nice coming back to your own house, huh? 117 00:05:30,995 --> 00:05:33,399 This isn't your house. It's my dad's. 118 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:35,069 I have a package for Stewie Griffin. 119 00:05:35,136 --> 00:05:37,942 - Day just starting or ending? - Smack dab in the middle. 120 00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:39,746 Oh, dude. Brutal. 121 00:05:39,812 --> 00:05:41,750 Well, welcome to the back nine. 122 00:05:45,824 --> 00:05:47,460 I can't believe this worked. 123 00:05:47,528 --> 00:05:50,568 I'm Stewie. I'm going to be your husband. 124 00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:53,874 - Zlata. - We're such each other's forever people. 125 00:05:53,941 --> 00:05:56,078 Brian, I'd like you to meet my fiancée 126 00:05:56,145 --> 00:05:59,752 that I ordered from the Ukraine, the soon‐to‐be Zlata Griffin. 127 00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:01,957 Is that‐‐ is there a dead body in there? 128 00:06:02,023 --> 00:06:04,027 Yeah, they send two in case one dies. 129 00:06:04,094 --> 00:06:05,531 She was sister. 130 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,133 Looks like her arm was gnawed off. 131 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,006 Babe, you don't have to eat people. We got food. 132 00:06:18,222 --> 00:06:19,959 Stewie, this is crazy. 133 00:06:20,026 --> 00:06:22,006 You can't marry that woman. You don't even know her. 134 00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:23,466 I know she can disassemble 135 00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:25,069 and reassemble a rifle in 15 seconds. 136 00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:26,916 - How does that matter... - I know it's adorable 137 00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:28,877 that she thinks we're gonna see Whoopi Goldberg 138 00:06:28,944 --> 00:06:30,146 - everywhere we go. - Stewie... 139 00:06:30,213 --> 00:06:32,852 I hear Whoopi Goldberg out here? 140 00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:35,056 Z and Bri, my two favorites. 141 00:06:35,123 --> 00:06:36,793 I‐I don't even... 142 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:39,064 Zlata, what‐‐ why would you marry a baby? 143 00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:42,003 In my country, everyone I know blows up. 144 00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:44,141 She wanted to leave, I had 200 bucks. 145 00:06:44,207 --> 00:06:46,546 Boom, we're each other's forever people. 146 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:51,021 Are there any more options for breakfast, Mom? 147 00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:54,094 Bread without whole walnuts in it? Yuck. 148 00:06:54,161 --> 00:06:55,998 What's going on with you two? 149 00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:58,503 Well, it's just, hotel living got us accustomed 150 00:06:58,570 --> 00:07:00,507 to having multiple breakfast options. 151 00:07:00,574 --> 00:07:02,912 Yeah, we're like when astronauts come back from space 152 00:07:02,978 --> 00:07:06,452 and can't fit back in with society, but with breakfasts. 153 00:07:06,519 --> 00:07:09,458 Well, I'd advise you space cadets to come back to Earth, 154 00:07:09,525 --> 00:07:11,161 because I'm only making one thing. 155 00:07:11,228 --> 00:07:13,867 Okay. Meg, did you hear what I said? 156 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,539 I said I'd advise you space cadets to come back 157 00:07:16,606 --> 00:07:18,246 - to Earth because... - Yeah, I heard you! 158 00:07:19,612 --> 00:07:22,250 You know, there is a Best Western in Quahog. 159 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,889 Well, yeah, but don't we need a room key to get breakfast? 160 00:07:25,924 --> 00:07:28,162 You mean like this one? 161 00:07:28,229 --> 00:07:29,932 Oh, you dog. 162 00:07:29,999 --> 00:07:32,036 Grab your coat, we're going to the Best Western. 163 00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,840 I don't need my coat; it's hot. 164 00:07:33,907 --> 00:07:36,245 Get your coat now! 165 00:07:42,123 --> 00:07:43,123 That's the gatekeeper. 166 00:07:43,159 --> 00:07:45,931 We just show her the key and we get free food. 167 00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:47,668 Yep, just keep it simple. 168 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,872 Now, if asked, we're brothers from Sweden, 169 00:07:49,939 --> 00:07:51,208 same mom, different dad. 170 00:07:51,275 --> 00:07:52,845 Well, shouldn't it be same dad, 171 00:07:52,912 --> 00:07:54,072 - different mom? - No, no, no. 172 00:07:55,149 --> 00:07:55,984 The Swedes have a very long fertility window, Chris. 173 00:07:56,051 --> 00:07:58,957 Trust me on this. Remember, big accent. 174 00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:02,197 Hey, guys, FYI, breakfast is closing in five minutes. 175 00:08:02,263 --> 00:08:04,067 Ja. 176 00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:06,973 We're doing it, Chris. Our cover story is working. 177 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,277 I'm looking for a pair of half brothers 178 00:08:09,344 --> 00:08:11,950 with different fathers from Finland. 179 00:08:12,016 --> 00:08:13,620 Haloo? 180 00:08:13,687 --> 00:08:15,591 ‐ 181 00:08:15,657 --> 00:08:17,060 It's done. 182 00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:20,066 This is why Sweden, Chris. 183 00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,938 - Never Finland. - I'll never doubt you again. 184 00:08:23,005 --> 00:08:25,076 Good. Now grab a yogurt that's way smaller 185 00:08:25,142 --> 00:08:26,880 than you knew they made yogurts. 186 00:08:26,946 --> 00:08:28,984 And you grab an orange juice that doesn't taste 187 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,088 like orange juice, but like someone described 188 00:08:31,154 --> 00:08:33,994 the taste of orange juice to an alien. 189 00:08:43,647 --> 00:08:46,251 - I better get going. - Have good day at work, husband. 190 00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,090 Mwah. Babe, you're too good to me. 191 00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:54,234 I just left my car in stall four. 192 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,338 - Perfect. I can take it from here. - Okay, great. 193 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,610 And I apologize, but my son threw up in the back. 194 00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:00,657 Okay, it's no problem, we can clean that up for you. 195 00:09:00,681 --> 00:09:03,152 Thanks, you're the best. 196 00:09:03,218 --> 00:09:07,595 Hey, Levi, we got a backseat vomit in the maroon PT Cruiser. 197 00:09:07,661 --> 00:09:09,999 Levi? 198 00:09:10,066 --> 00:09:14,575 Levi? Levi? 199 00:09:23,092 --> 00:09:25,129 Hey, uh, so, I'm really sorry, but I‐I threw up 200 00:09:25,196 --> 00:09:27,066 - all over the front seat. - Not a problem. 201 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,703 Thanks, man. Late for a flight. 202 00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:31,108 Levi? 203 00:09:31,174 --> 00:09:34,247 Levi? Levi? 204 00:09:47,273 --> 00:09:49,745 Hey, I accidentally barfed in my car. 205 00:09:49,812 --> 00:09:51,281 They told me I could leave it here? 206 00:09:51,348 --> 00:09:53,052 - Yeah. I'll clean it. - Thanks. 207 00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:55,322 I got to catch my flight. 208 00:10:02,738 --> 00:10:06,278 Levi? Levi? 209 00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:14,829 Uh, this one looks good. The, uh, second cheapest one. 210 00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:17,200 I'd actually recommend that first Cab there. 211 00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:19,337 - Sound good. - I love Cab. 212 00:10:19,404 --> 00:10:21,208 That second cheapest one sounds great, too. 213 00:10:21,274 --> 00:10:22,778 We'll take that one. 214 00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:25,082 Indulge me in one more work story? 215 00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:27,788 So, last week I put this nice family in a Sonata. 216 00:10:27,855 --> 00:10:29,725 Those are supposed to be great cars. 217 00:10:29,792 --> 00:10:31,228 Actually, uh, yeah... 218 00:10:31,294 --> 00:10:33,165 They're‐they're not great. They're okay. 219 00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:35,737 Anyway, he says he'll fill the car up before he brings it back. 220 00:10:35,804 --> 00:10:37,508 He opts out of buying our gas. 221 00:10:37,574 --> 00:10:41,081 Which is, like, ten percent of less than anywhere in town. 222 00:10:41,148 --> 00:10:42,283 That's right, babe. 223 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,496 But that's his prerogative, as Mitch says. 224 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:44,855 Mitch is my manager. 225 00:10:44,922 --> 00:10:46,358 So, fast‐forward to this morning. 226 00:10:46,424 --> 00:10:48,763 I get the car back, I check the tank. 227 00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:51,401 Three‐quarters full. Quahog, we have a problem. 228 00:10:51,468 --> 00:10:54,775 Stewie, you're so funny. 229 00:10:54,842 --> 00:10:55,911 It's from a movie. 230 00:10:55,977 --> 00:10:58,081 Anyway, that's a 150% markup. 231 00:10:58,148 --> 00:10:59,895 Turns out he was late for a flight and figured 232 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,488 it's worth it to eat the nine bucks. 233 00:11:01,556 --> 00:11:04,728 So, yeah, a Wednesday I won't soon be forgetting. 234 00:11:04,795 --> 00:11:08,135 - One check fine? - $15 on this, the rest on theirs. 235 00:11:12,143 --> 00:11:13,813 - I like them. - Hmm? 236 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,084 Aaron and Shauna. They're nice. I like them. 237 00:11:16,151 --> 00:11:18,288 - Yeah. - It's comfortable going out with people 238 00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:21,061 in the same socioeconomic class as us, you know? 239 00:11:21,127 --> 00:11:22,841 I mean, I love the Burtons, but I don't really like 240 00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:24,902 to go to dinner parties in apartments. 241 00:11:24,969 --> 00:11:27,841 Apartment no worse than room in house. 242 00:11:27,908 --> 00:11:30,179 You're having a lot of those tonight. 243 00:11:30,246 --> 00:11:32,784 I think there's a new This Is Us. 244 00:11:32,851 --> 00:11:34,922 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 245 00:11:34,989 --> 00:11:36,525 Babe, no. Our show. 246 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,836 What's Kate up to this week? 247 00:11:41,903 --> 00:11:43,438 Losing weight with Toby maybe? 248 00:11:43,506 --> 00:11:46,478 Why you not have sex with me? 249 00:11:46,545 --> 00:11:48,215 No, I know. I totally want to. 250 00:11:48,282 --> 00:11:50,352 It's just, it's our show, you know? 251 00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:51,856 We watch show later. 252 00:11:51,923 --> 00:11:53,826 Uh, and we sleep... when? 253 00:11:53,893 --> 00:11:56,331 Uh, th‐there's just only so many hours in the day. 254 00:11:56,398 --> 00:11:58,135 - You know? - No more putting off. 255 00:11:58,201 --> 00:12:00,339 Sex now. 256 00:12:00,406 --> 00:12:03,111 Wait, wait, wait. Black man in glasses? 257 00:12:03,178 --> 00:12:05,249 Yes, yes. It's a Sterling Brown episode. 258 00:12:05,316 --> 00:12:08,388 I like Black man in glasses. 259 00:12:12,196 --> 00:12:14,334 Okay, now we don't have a room key for this hotel, 260 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,537 so follow my lead. 261 00:12:15,603 --> 00:12:17,306 They didn't even ask at the last place. 262 00:12:17,373 --> 00:12:19,310 Yeah, but we had one and we carried ourselves 263 00:12:19,377 --> 00:12:22,450 - with key card confidence. - So, what's the plan? 264 00:12:22,517 --> 00:12:24,354 - Let's try hello. - Got it. 265 00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:25,957 Good morning, how may I help you? 266 00:12:26,024 --> 00:12:27,594 Hello... 267 00:12:27,661 --> 00:12:29,965 Good morning, I'm staying here with my son, 268 00:12:30,032 --> 00:12:32,336 the Guinness record holder for longest hello. 269 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,416 We were just wondering, where's your breakfast buffet? 270 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,380 - Just through those doors. - Thank you. 271 00:12:37,446 --> 00:12:39,985 ...o... 272 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,924 - What is it? - Nothing, it's just... 273 00:12:42,991 --> 00:12:46,565 ...this job is so cool. 274 00:13:39,705 --> 00:13:42,443 My God, Chris, look. 275 00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:45,550 The crown jewel of hotel breakfasts. 276 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,255 The Suites. At The Point. 277 00:13:48,321 --> 00:13:49,357 At The Quahog. 278 00:13:49,423 --> 00:13:50,459 At The Harbor. 279 00:13:50,527 --> 00:13:51,695 At The Promenade. 280 00:13:51,762 --> 00:13:53,265 At the goofy squirrel. 281 00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:54,701 I'm not a part of the sign. 282 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:58,375 But I am a little nutty. 283 00:13:58,441 --> 00:14:00,947 - That's our next target. - I don't like it. 284 00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:03,653 I hear that breakfast buffet is like Fort Knox. 285 00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:05,389 I'll figure out a way in. 286 00:14:05,455 --> 00:14:08,428 After all, I snuck into Bryan Singer's birthday party. 287 00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:11,034 Excuse me, how old are you? 288 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,038 Not of legal age anywhere in the world. 289 00:14:13,104 --> 00:14:14,675 Have fun, tell whoever you want. 290 00:14:14,741 --> 00:14:17,246 Weirdly, no one cares about this. 291 00:14:24,126 --> 00:14:25,563 Hey. Is Stewie around? 292 00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:28,468 - No, he's still at work. - Cool. Cool. 293 00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:30,607 Uh, can you just let him know I stopped by? 294 00:14:30,673 --> 00:14:32,544 You can stay and wait for him. 295 00:14:32,611 --> 00:14:34,948 Yeah, no, I'm just‐‐ I'm just late for my thing. 296 00:14:35,015 --> 00:14:37,086 I hear you are famous writer. 297 00:14:37,152 --> 00:14:38,956 I want to talk your book. 298 00:14:39,023 --> 00:14:42,263 I have Dasani water bottle full of Rite Aid vodka. 299 00:14:42,329 --> 00:14:43,733 I could chat for a second. 300 00:14:48,341 --> 00:14:50,580 Every damn Wednesday. 301 00:14:52,817 --> 00:14:55,022 Sorry I'm so late, babe. Levi no‐showed again... 302 00:14:56,157 --> 00:14:57,994 Uh, hey, Stewie. 303 00:14:58,061 --> 00:14:59,631 Brian? What the hell? 304 00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:01,602 That's my wife, man. Get off her. 305 00:15:01,669 --> 00:15:04,340 - Stewie, wait, I‐I can explain. - What's there to explain, Brian? 306 00:15:04,407 --> 00:15:06,679 - You... - 307 00:15:06,745 --> 00:15:10,085 Hello? Levi, where you been, man? 308 00:15:10,152 --> 00:15:11,765 Look, I already gave you a verbal warning, 309 00:15:11,789 --> 00:15:13,659 so I'm gonna have to write you up. 310 00:15:13,726 --> 00:15:16,431 Levi, don't call me that. Don't‐don't use that word. 311 00:15:16,497 --> 00:15:18,034 Stop‐stop using that word. 312 00:15:18,101 --> 00:15:19,547 I already warned you about calling me that 313 00:15:19,571 --> 00:15:21,307 at the last staff meeting. 314 00:15:21,374 --> 00:15:23,445 Okay, now that's strike two, Levi. 315 00:15:23,512 --> 00:15:25,315 I can, too, give strikes. 316 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:28,522 Mitch said I can give strikes. Don't call Mitch that. 317 00:15:28,589 --> 00:15:30,292 Listen, I can't talk about this right now. 318 00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:32,329 My dog is banging my wife. 319 00:15:32,396 --> 00:15:34,109 I'm not gonna write him up. He's the only one strong enough 320 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,435 to change the water jugs. 321 00:15:41,447 --> 00:15:42,751 Look, Stewie, I'm sorry. 322 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,654 I honestly didn't think you'd care. 323 00:15:44,721 --> 00:15:46,491 It's not like you're having sex with her. 324 00:15:46,558 --> 00:15:49,531 I know, right? Once they say "I do," they don't. 325 00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,434 Stewie, don't be mad. 326 00:15:51,502 --> 00:15:52,604 Don't be mad? 327 00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:54,173 I'm driving all over New England 328 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,144 picking up rigs and scrubbing upholstery 329 00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:58,047 so I can take you to nice places, 330 00:15:58,114 --> 00:16:00,653 and you're in bed with my friend pitching woo? 331 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,659 I'll show you what happens to guys who touch my wife 332 00:16:03,726 --> 00:16:06,330 with this Mike Moustakas signature bat. 333 00:16:06,397 --> 00:16:08,067 Geez, they're getting rather loosey‐goosey 334 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,704 with signature bats. 335 00:16:12,075 --> 00:16:13,679 Stewie play ball? 336 00:16:13,746 --> 00:16:15,783 - Stewie, wait. - Aw. 337 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:19,023 A boy and his dog. 338 00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:21,127 You play doctor with my wife, Bri? 339 00:16:21,194 --> 00:16:23,097 You show her yours? 340 00:16:23,164 --> 00:16:24,701 She show you hers? 341 00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:26,437 Those are private parts. 342 00:16:26,505 --> 00:16:29,176 We don't touch private parts. 343 00:16:29,243 --> 00:16:31,748 Did you kiss butts? Did you, Bri? 344 00:16:31,815 --> 00:16:35,121 I kiss butts with a lot of people, but, Stewie, I'm sorry. 345 00:16:35,188 --> 00:16:37,192 I guess I just got carried away in the moment. 346 00:16:37,259 --> 00:16:41,568 Well, I'm getting a little carried away right now. 347 00:16:41,635 --> 00:16:43,606 Bad one to miss on right there. 348 00:16:43,672 --> 00:16:47,079 Do I even need to ask, have you had your cooties shot? 349 00:16:47,145 --> 00:16:49,116 - Stewie, come on. - Just answer me, man. 350 00:16:50,686 --> 00:16:54,393 Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I've got the cooties shot. 351 00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,497 You can't get it here. 352 00:16:56,565 --> 00:16:59,838 It has to be at school. 353 00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:06,450 Well, Dad, we did it. 354 00:17:06,518 --> 00:17:08,154 We sure did, Chris. 355 00:17:08,221 --> 00:17:10,660 What did we do again? 356 00:17:17,574 --> 00:17:19,711 - He passed him a note. - What's it say? 357 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,741 Okay, it's okay. Just let them keep talking. 358 00:17:34,808 --> 00:17:36,410 He'll mess up‐‐ why is he getting up? 359 00:17:36,477 --> 00:17:38,181 Why is he getting up? 360 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,183 He's on the move. 361 00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:47,432 - What do you got? - I got nothing. 362 00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:49,436 Are you kidding me? 363 00:17:51,508 --> 00:17:54,581 They never did catch my dad, 364 00:17:54,648 --> 00:17:57,920 but I wasn't so lucky. 365 00:17:57,987 --> 00:18:00,626 That's breakfast, ladies. 366 00:18:00,693 --> 00:18:05,101 I was sentenced to 12 to 15 years for hotel breakfast crim. 367 00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:08,575 But I wouldn't snitch on the old man. 368 00:18:09,577 --> 00:18:10,846 Hey, give me that oatmeal. 369 00:18:14,788 --> 00:18:16,625 In the end, Dad figured out a way 370 00:18:16,692 --> 00:18:18,796 we could keep eating breakfast together. 371 00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:21,200 We just had to kill a guard or two. 372 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,471 Actually, we had to kill a bunch of guards. 373 00:18:23,539 --> 00:18:24,908 It was bad. 374 00:18:24,974 --> 00:18:26,845 It became a so‐so Netflix documentary 375 00:18:26,912 --> 00:18:28,749 that Mort and Rachel were able to watch 376 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,688 with his dead wife's uncle's password. 377 00:18:37,232 --> 00:18:39,537 Why always we come only here? 378 00:18:39,604 --> 00:18:42,175 Babe, when‐when you find gold, 379 00:18:42,242 --> 00:18:44,848 you don't then, like, go looking for silver. 380 00:18:44,914 --> 00:18:46,518 Stewie, why are we here? 381 00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:48,488 Look, Brian, you're my best friend. 382 00:18:48,555 --> 00:18:50,593 Zlata, you're my wife. 383 00:18:50,659 --> 00:18:52,864 Mistakes have been made, but we need to move forward. 384 00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:55,669 - We all agree on that? - So, you forgive me? 385 00:18:55,736 --> 00:18:57,740 Well, I've been thinking about this situation, 386 00:18:57,807 --> 00:18:59,611 and I have a proposal for you. 387 00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:02,249 I want you to sleep with my wife again. 388 00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:03,315 What? 389 00:19:04,153 --> 00:19:06,758 I want you to have no‐ties sex with my wife. 390 00:19:06,825 --> 00:19:09,163 But that's it. If you think for one second 391 00:19:09,229 --> 00:19:11,735 that you're gonna take her to a museum, think again. 392 00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:14,541 - You blew that chance. - Um... 393 00:19:14,607 --> 00:19:17,245 I'm talking like, right when you're done boning, you're gone. 394 00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:18,949 Stew Man comes in for the cuddles. 395 00:19:19,016 --> 00:19:21,253 Stew Man cleans up wet spots. 396 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,859 You don't get to do that. Not after what you did. 397 00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:26,263 Uh, I'm‐I'm a little confused. 398 00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:28,869 Look, together we're kind of the perfect husband. 399 00:19:28,936 --> 00:19:31,842 While you're banging her, I'm walking with a shoebox 400 00:19:31,908 --> 00:19:33,979 full of our receipts to H&R Block. 401 00:19:34,046 --> 00:19:37,219 So, y‐you just want the crappy parts of marriage? 402 00:19:37,285 --> 00:19:39,323 My friend, we have a very different idea 403 00:19:39,389 --> 00:19:40,759 of what that is. 404 00:19:40,826 --> 00:19:42,864 And I'm serious, if I catch you pulling 405 00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:46,337 one hair tie from her jeans pocket before you do laundry, 406 00:19:46,403 --> 00:19:47,974 I'll break your arm, man. 407 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,579 Okay, Stewie, I‐I guess I'm in. 408 00:19:50,646 --> 00:19:52,315 - Just one thing. - What's that? 409 00:19:52,382 --> 00:19:53,919 I'm gonna need some more breadsticks. 410 00:19:57,025 --> 00:19:58,562 Macaroni Grill. 411 00:19:58,629 --> 00:20:00,365 Come arrange your cuckolding agreement here. 412 00:20:07,345 --> 00:20:08,615 Hey, Stewie, where's Zlata? 413 00:20:08,682 --> 00:20:09,851 It's over. She left. 414 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,721 I'm boxing up her underwear. 415 00:20:11,788 --> 00:20:13,324 She would just take them off 416 00:20:13,391 --> 00:20:15,004 and kick them into the corner of the room. 417 00:20:15,028 --> 00:20:18,034 - Hey, Stewie. - Hey, Doug. 418 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:19,938 Oh, I heard about Splitsville. 419 00:20:20,004 --> 00:20:22,375 Uh, that's why I prefer 420 00:20:22,442 --> 00:20:24,079 just me, my big wheel, 421 00:20:24,146 --> 00:20:26,417 and the doll I draw private parts on. 422 00:20:26,483 --> 00:20:27,720 I hear you. 423 00:20:27,787 --> 00:20:29,958 I like to put rocks in cups, Stewie. 424 00:20:30,024 --> 00:20:33,397 You can't really do that with some gnat buzzing in your ear. 425 00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:34,734 Do you shake the cup? 426 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:38,107 Not sure what else you do with rocks in a cup. 427 00:20:40,078 --> 00:20:42,817 God, he's so cool. I hate it. 428 00:20:42,883 --> 00:20:45,823 Well, there's only one thing left for me to do. 429 00:20:45,889 --> 00:20:48,762 - You can take this job and... - Surprise! 430 00:20:48,829 --> 00:20:51,968 Me? Yes, yes. Thank you. 431 00:20:52,035 --> 00:20:55,375 You don't know how much I needed this today. 432 00:20:55,441 --> 00:20:56,911 You're all right, Griffin. 433 00:20:56,978 --> 00:20:59,049 - Levi... - For a 434 00:20:59,116 --> 00:21:01,053 Stop using that word.