1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,128 It seems today ♪ 2 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:04,921 That all you see ♪ 3 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,216 Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 4 00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:12,262 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 5 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,389 On which we used to rely? ♪ 6 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:18,059 Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 7 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:21,521 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 8 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,106 All the things that make us ♪ 9 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,441 Laugh and cry ♪ 10 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:30,071 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 11 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,123 {\an8}"Hey, guys, home with groceries. 12 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,792 {\an8}Could use a hand unloading." 13 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,377 {\an8}And send. 14 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:47,630 {\an8}Now I wait for them to come out to help their dear old mom. 15 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,924 Do it yourself! 16 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,561 {\an8}Hi, sad lady. 17 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:04,189 {\an8}Junior, our dinner talk stays inside. 18 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,149 {\an8}Hi, normal lady. 19 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,902 {\an8}What are you guys doing? It's Sunday. 20 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,404 {\an8}I thought husbands had to watch football all day 21 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:12,697 {\an8}or they get cancer. 22 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,449 {\an8}Today's our family fun day. 23 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:18,286 {\an8}That's right, a whole day dedicated to family and fun, 24 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,622 {\an8}ending in the bedroom with what I hope will be 25 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,290 {\an8}some back-end participation. 26 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,292 {\an8}- Hmm? - Mm-mmm. 27 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:30,924 {\an8}I am so tired of this family 28 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,967 {\an8}just sitting around and doing nothing. 29 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,761 {\an8}The Browns are outside having fun 30 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,096 {\an8}while we're in here loafing around 31 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,056 {\an8}like a bunch of stupid potatoes. 32 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,434 {\an8}Mom, I've been anonymously cyberbullied for a decade. 33 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,895 {\an8}"Stupid potato" doesn't even leave a mark. 34 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:47,232 {\an8}We need to spend some quality time together like the Browns. 35 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,651 {\an8}So we're doing a family fun day. 36 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,694 {\an8}Oh, family-free fun day sounds great. 37 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,738 {\an8}No, family fun day. 38 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,031 {\an8}Yeah, family-free fun day. 39 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,618 {\an8}No, Peter. Family. Fun. Day. 40 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,079 {\an8}Yeah, I'm already at The Clam. 41 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,372 {\an8}Have fun. 42 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,754 {\an8}All right, nothing's more fun than a family card game. 43 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,631 {\an8}Now, the game is euchre. 44 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:15,969 {\an8}"Begin by separating the nines, tens, face cards and aces 45 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,303 {\an8}"from the rest of the deck. 46 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,265 {\an8}"The goal is to win at least three 'tricks.' 47 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,684 {\an8}"Now, if the side that fixed the trump fails 48 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,603 {\an8}"to get three tricks, it is said to be 'euchred.' 49 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,815 {\an8}"The highest trump is the jack of the trump suit, 50 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,900 {\an8}"called the 'right bower.' 51 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,945 {\an8}"Partnership-making trump wins three or four tricks 52 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,405 {\an8}"and earns one point. 53 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,949 {\an8}"Lone hand wins three or four tricks, 54 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,285 {\an8}"also earns one point. 55 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,454 {\an8}"However, a lone hand wins five tricks, 56 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,290 {\an8}"that's worth four points. 57 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:49,586 {\an8}Many euchre games are scored by rubber points, as in whist." 58 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,630 {\an8}Ooh, ooh. "The first side to win two games 59 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,258 {\an8}wins the rubber." 60 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,969 "The dealer has the right to exchange 61 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,429 any turned-up card..." 62 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,389 Oh, my God, it's the same. 63 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:03,516 "If the face-up card is a jack, 64 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,143 it's considered bad luck for..." 65 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,688 "After two rounds, if no trump suit has been declared 66 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,024 "and the 'stick-the-dealer' rule is not in effect, 67 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,693 then the cards are collected and reshuffled." 68 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,154 Family Guy is brought to you by contract bridge. 69 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,864 Way simpler than euchre. 70 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,658 You see, in contract bridge, each player is dealt 13 cards 71 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,577 from a standard 52-card deck. 72 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,204 A trick starts when a player leads, 73 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,955 i.e. plays the first card. 74 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,209 The leader to the first trick is determined by the auction. 75 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:33,755 So, what do you think, gang? 76 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,174 I thought it could be a fun family activity 77 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,051 if we had a make-your-own-pizza night. 78 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,761 Or we could order Domino's. 79 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,888 No, come on, this'll be fun. 80 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,723 Everyone gets their own crust, 81 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:47,560 and you can choose from any of the items I put out, huh? 82 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:51,481 It could be olives, it could be peppers. 83 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:55,109 And for the risk takers, I even put out some pineapple. 84 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:58,279 You can put anything you want on your pizza. 85 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,950 Yeah, I'm putting a Domino's pizza on my pizza. 86 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,910 {\an8}Domino's-- we're both terrible 87 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,828 {\an8}and better than your pizza. 88 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,794 Ah, this is nice, huh? 89 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,004 Oh, it's so good to get the whole family 90 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,383 out of the house and see Quahog from a different perspective. 91 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,385 It's a little tight. 92 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,513 So, how'd you get into hot-air ballooning? 93 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,598 They don't do background checks. 94 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:29,394 Oh. What are we flying over now? 95 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,937 My ex-wife's house. 96 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:34,607 If you have any garbage or little bags of cat poo, 97 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,526 you can drop them now. 98 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:40,738 Did you know restraining orders only go side to side? 99 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,949 They don't go up and down. 100 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:48,454 Well, there's got to be one thing we can all 101 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,039 enjoy together as a family. 102 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,833 You know, I think we're trying too hard. 103 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,710 When I was a kid we did movie nights, 104 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,129 and it was the Holy Grail of family fun. 105 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,631 - I'd watch a movie. - I'd watch a porn movie. 106 00:04:58,715 --> 00:04:59,924 No, a family movie. 107 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,010 I'd watch a MILF porn movie. 108 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,262 Okay, technically that's accurate, but no porn. 109 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,181 All right, let's fire up Amazon or Netflix. 110 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,641 No streaming services. 111 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,184 They've ruined how we watch movies. 112 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,270 I'm talking about an old-school movie night 113 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,439 where we rent one from Blockbuster. 114 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,816 Some of my best childhood memories were when 115 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,693 I went to rent a video with my dad. 116 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,236 Him and I never really got along, 117 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,905 but the one place where we did was Blockbuster. 118 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,074 He'd let me pick out any snack I wanted 119 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,160 while he grabbed our fifth-choice movie 120 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,037 because we got there too late to get the good ones. 121 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,413 But that was part of it, 122 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,831 because it wasn't about the movie, 123 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,916 it was about the night you spent together. 124 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,002 I think renting a movie's a great idea. 125 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,003 Let's do it. 126 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,254 So it's settled. 127 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,422 The Griffins are making it 128 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,840 a Blockbuster night. 129 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,551 When we get there, I'll give you 20 bucks to say, 130 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:46,095 "I've heard Magic Mike is good." 131 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,186 Huh. This used to be the Blockbuster. 132 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,438 Oh, man, it's gone. 133 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,564 Were you also looking for... 134 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,566 Very tall prostitute, yes. 135 00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,984 Is that what you were going to say? 136 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,695 She used to hang out here-- hands like a palm leaf. 137 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:05,740 She would do sex but also help with light bulbs and stuff. 138 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,576 I think her name was Phillip. 139 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,995 I see some of my students in your car. 140 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,955 That's good for me. 141 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,583 I'm sure there's one still open. 142 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:16,959 I'll just google it. 143 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,213 Eh, I got to type in my code 'cause I got too fat 144 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,216 - for the facial recognition to work. - Brutal. 145 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,385 Oh, good. See? There is one still open. 146 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,012 Drive north for a quarter of a mile, 147 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,181 then turn left onto Highway 20. 148 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,559 Continue straight for 2,980 miles. 149 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,852 - What?! - Oh, yeah. 150 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,562 The last Blockbuster in existence 151 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,231 is in Bend, Oregon. 152 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,942 Did I not say that? Strap in, everybody, 153 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,361 the Griffins are going on a road trip. 154 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,155 Well, it looks like the family Griffin 155 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,992 is headed off down Holiday Road. 156 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:58,751 And Lindsey Buckingham has said no. 157 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,336 Well, that's all right. 158 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,422 I reckon, if you're a man named Lindsey, 159 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,466 you don't get to call the shots very often. 160 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,181 Peter, this is crazy. 161 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,518 We can't drive 3,000 miles just to rent a movie. 162 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,936 Would you please turn around? 163 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,313 Lois, the whole family fun thing was your idea. 164 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,232 Don't get mad at me 'cause I'm following through. 165 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,693 But I only have one pair of underwear. 166 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,153 Oh, that's not a problem. I got tons of 167 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,612 women's underwear in the back. 168 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,698 : Why, why do you have that? 169 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,824 Tons of it. 170 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:31,951 Don't we have a say in all this, Dad? 171 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,703 Yeah, we don't want to drive all the way to Oregon. 172 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,163 Aw, it's gonna be fun, guys. 173 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,497 We're gonna see the whole country, 174 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:37,748 like we're in one of those 175 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,251 Bruce Springsteen Jeep commercials. 176 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:43,421 America is made up of a lot of states. 177 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,549 Some of them really stink, but some of them don't stink. 178 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,593 So buy a Jeep. 179 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,387 They flip easy, but you'll be okay. 180 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,222 Probably be okay. 181 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,560 One of the perks of a cross-country trip 182 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,313 is stopping for a meal and meeting the friendly folks 183 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,483 who make up the heart and soul of our country. 184 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,610 Hello, we're from the Northeast. 185 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:12,575 Okay, then. 186 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,119 : We'll do 55 pancakes to go. 187 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,625 : Trump! 188 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,794 - Trump! - Trump! 189 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,214 - Trump. - Trump. 190 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,728 - Trump! - Trump! - Trump... 191 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:52,031 I'm not getting any service. 192 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,616 - Where are we? - Hey, I don't know. 193 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,244 But we can figure it out by which radio stations come in. 194 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:01,541 You're listening to G-U-N-S AM radio. 195 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,001 All guns all the time. 196 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,878 Is the caller there? 197 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,880 Ha, ha, I couldn't agree more. 198 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,423 Sounds like we're somewhere between 199 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,883 Washington and Washington. 200 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,177 Well, we got to almost be there, right? 201 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,387 A few more hours. 202 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,763 Trust me, it'll all be worth it 203 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,431 once we walk into that store. 204 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:18,975 Plus, I'll be able to finally return 205 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,726 this copy of Ladyhawke. 206 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:24,105 You remembered to rewind that, right? 207 00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,579 You know what I'm thinking, Peter? 208 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,747 Instead of going to Blockbuster, we drive right into 209 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,457 the first pond we see. 210 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,459 It'll be a quicker death than this trip. 211 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:48,004 Guys, look. 212 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,884 Ah! Oh, my God, it's real. 213 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,678 We made it. 214 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,559 Well, I suppose I should be the responsible one 215 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,894 and release all the car farts. 216 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:08,107 You're free now. Go. 217 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,113 I said go! 218 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,712 Here it is, guys. 219 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,048 This is where kids would come every Friday night 220 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,966 and see their teacher wearing jeans. 221 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,844 Dad, who's Christian Slater? 222 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:40,056 Some actors never made it out of Blockbuster, Chris. 223 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,603 Sliver. Fun movie. 224 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,813 Yeah, it's Sharon Stone, so it's nudity 225 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,106 moms will put up with. 226 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:54,278 Hmm, it looks like you have a late fee for Ladyhawke. 227 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,572 Ah, no problem. How much is it? 228 00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,576 $32,419. 229 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:04,080 Look, uh, we traveled a really long way to get here, 230 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,540 and I kind of promised my family a movie night. 231 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:09,210 Oh. Then the plot just got interesting. 232 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,128 Where are you on your journey? 233 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,421 About the end of act two? 234 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,507 I read a lot of screenplay books. 235 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,759 There's got to be some way we can work this out. 236 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,387 Sorry, but we're pretty strict about our late fees. 237 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,223 We kind of blew up our whole company for 'em. 238 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,392 So, no money, no rental. 239 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,435 Uh, $32,000, you say? 240 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,605 I don't have that on my person. 241 00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:36,612 Hands ♪ 242 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:40,700 Touching hands ♪ 243 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,244 Reaching out ♪ 244 00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,872 Touching me ♪ 245 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,249 Touching you. ♪ 246 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:50,960 Ah, here it comes. All together now... 247 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,087 Drive, Lois, drive! 248 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,009 Nothing worse than a case 249 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,303 of Neil Diamond blue balls. Am I right? 250 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:11,897 Peter, just pull over. 251 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,941 We can talk to them and figure this out. 252 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,277 No. A high-speed chase is preferred 253 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,946 over small talk with an employee. Aah! 254 00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:21,073 I hear Magic Mike is good. 255 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,284 Way too late, dude. 256 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:26,954 I can lose these guys. 257 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:29,373 Chris, pour me out a handful of those Runts. 258 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,542 How's eating candy gonna help us? 259 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,919 Runts are the hardest candy in the world. 260 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,172 They're not for eating, they're for hucking. 261 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,341 Aah! 262 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,428 Meg, there's a stack of posters in the back. 263 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,555 We can throw 'em out the car and blind 'em. 264 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,056 Just run the posters by me first. 265 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,808 - Judge Dredd? - Nah, keep that one. 266 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,018 I want to put it in the basement. 267 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,269 - Cool World? - Keep. 268 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,645 - Milk Money? - Uh, keep. 269 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,105 These are all terrible movies. 270 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,857 Just throw one out. 271 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,861 You know, that movie still holds up. 272 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,488 It didn't hold up then. 273 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,323 - Aah! - Aah! 274 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,452 It worked. We lost them. 275 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:10,164 Yes! No one ruins a Griffin family fun day. 276 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,041 Who wants a turnaround high five? 277 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,334 Dad, watch the road! 278 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,258 Is everyone okay? 279 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,843 I swallowed my retainer, 280 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,513 but I'll do a little stool fishing later. 281 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,894 Oh, they're still after us. We got to run. 282 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,117 Give up. We got you. It's over. 283 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,953 Well, actually it's not. 284 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,164 I think this might be the "all is lost" moment. 285 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,208 - What? - You know, it seems over 286 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,627 because there's an insurmountable obstacle 287 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,295 in their way, but instead of giving up, 288 00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,421 they double down. 289 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,632 - Lois, we got to jump. - See? 290 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,133 The fall will kill us. 291 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,969 I've seen Rambo jump from higher. 292 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,471 I think if we jump it'll cut to that scene. 293 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:08,806 Peter, that's crazy. 294 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:09,890 Do you trust me? 295 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:10,933 No! 296 00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:26,532 Oh, what the hell? 297 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,464 - I told you. - I know. 298 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,174 Peter Griffin, PhD. 299 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,885 Petty, heavy dope. 300 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,970 Wow, she really had that locked and loaded. 301 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,680 This is crazy. Those guys are trying to kill us 302 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,140 because of a late movie. 303 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,349 We should just call the police. 304 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,184 Oh, look who's already walking back 305 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,978 their "Defund the Police" stance. 306 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,521 Little different when it's real life 307 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,357 and not trying to impress Alyssa Milano on Twitter. Hmm? 308 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:03,110 Oh, this is not good. It's gonna get dark soon. 309 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,612 - We need a plan. - Don't worry. 310 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,030 We can hike back to the car 311 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,364 and call for help from the road. 312 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,574 We're gonna get through this. 313 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,825 Now, before we head off, 314 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,160 I'm gonna divvy out our rations. 315 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,370 I'll start with this pack of Starbursts. 316 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,874 There's pink for you, orange for you, red for me, 317 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,502 yellow for you, pink for you, red for me... 318 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,338 You keep giving yourself all the reds. 319 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,298 It's just completely random. I'm just going in order. 320 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:25,507 I can't help where I'm standing. 321 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,635 Okay, where was I? Yellow for Chris, 322 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,720 - red for me... - You did it again. 323 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,430 Okay, y-you know, I tried being fair, 324 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,891 but now I'm just gonna lick all the reds. 325 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,852 Now they have to be mine. Next food-- Spree. 326 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:40,439 Green for you, orange for you, red for me! 327 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,156 I think we're lost. 328 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,699 We're gonna die out here. 329 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,409 Guys, we can't give up now. 330 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,411 We can and I shall. 331 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,289 I'm gonna close my eyes and go to my happy place, 332 00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:00,542 being screamed at by children while playing Fortnite. 333 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,545 No, your mom's a whore. 334 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,381 Wait, guys, look. 335 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,841 I think I see a cabin. 336 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,390 It is a cabin. We're saved. 337 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,809 You can't say that word, Brayden. 338 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,103 None of you can say that word. 339 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,821 Look, there's a radio. We can... 340 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,781 Watch Sliver on that VCR. 341 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,158 What? No. We need to call for help. 342 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,451 We can do both. 343 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,328 I am not gonna give up on this movie night 344 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,871 like we gave up on our marriage. 345 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,708 Four therapy sessions is enough to know where it's headed. 346 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:43,335 There's a map on the wall with government buildings 347 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,878 connected by strings. 348 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,296 Look, I know this hasn't been 349 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,756 the easiest couple of days, guys, 350 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,342 but it'll all be worth it once I put this tape in. 351 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,053 I present to you Sliver. 352 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,180 And it's Sliders, season two. 353 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,641 Classic Blockbuster blunder. 354 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:02,771 Oh, good. You numbskulls put the wrong movie in here. 355 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:03,981 I want a refund. 356 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,233 Everybody outside now. 357 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,609 I can't believe this. 358 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,570 All I was trying to do was have a nice movie night 359 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,239 with my family, and you guys keep ruining it. 360 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:15,576 Wow, this is very similar to a screenplay I wrote. 361 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,328 This guy is too into movies. 362 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,872 Remember, the one I had you read 363 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,958 that was like Love Actually meets Independence Day? 364 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,127 Uh, yeah, sure, I remember. 365 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,212 - You didn't read it? - I'm gonna. 366 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:30,507 Don't be mad at me. Be mad at, you know, these guys. 367 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:33,010 I'm sorry, kids, all I wanted to do 368 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,928 was something special with you guys. 369 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,056 That one thing you'd remember doing with me 370 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,850 for the rest of your lives, but I failed. 371 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:43,020 Another failure in a long string of failures. 372 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,688 Are you kidding, Dad? 373 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,775 - This has been the most exciting day ever. - It has? 374 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:51,195 Yeah. We left the house three days ago to rent a movie 375 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,739 and now we're in the middle of the woods in Oregon 376 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,158 and might get murdered by Blockbuster guys. 377 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,951 Like, what is this? 378 00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:00,245 Yeah, we never know what you're gonna do. 379 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,498 It's usually silly or dangerous, 380 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,458 but it's also kind of awesome. 381 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,543 Yeah. Remember when he had tiny arms 382 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,254 - for, like, three months? - Or when he brought home that horse. 383 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,632 Or that falcon. Or that parrot. 384 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,759 Lot of illegal animals. 385 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,261 Or when that little guy lived in his neck. 386 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,138 What the hell was that? 387 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,307 Every few years he fights a giant chicken 388 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,433 and destroys a city. 389 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,477 No one's named a good thing yet. 390 00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,979 You had a blimp with your face on it. 391 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:28,524 Your mother put me on pills after I bought that. 392 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,859 You see, Dad, we don't need a movie night 393 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,444 for us to remember you. 394 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,364 Every day is like a movie night with you. 395 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,620 Well, I guess Mom knew what she was doing 396 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,414 when she insisted on family fun day. 397 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,917 Super sweet moment, guys. 398 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,044 I'm gonna assume this was all a callback 399 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,462 to something in act one. 400 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,590 Time to go outside now. 401 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:59,805 Guys, please, I'm the one with the late fees. 402 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,182 Don't hurt my family. I'll do anything. 403 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,227 Well, I have this screenplay, it-it's an epic sci-fi, 404 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,771 and it's mostly stage directions where they... 405 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:08,814 Just kill us! 406 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,152 What the hell?! 407 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,046 Amazon drones? You saved us. 408 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:37,593 Once again a streaming service annihilates a Blockbuster. 409 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,677 Wa-boosh! 410 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,054 How did you even know we were here? 411 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:44,683 Based on your recent purchases, viewing habits and stored data, 412 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,435 we determined that you were being chased 413 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,145 through the wilderness by the last two 414 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,022 Blockbuster employees on Earth. 415 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,565 Wow. Scary. 416 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,901 I owe you an apology, Amazon. 417 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,528 You're a pretty amazing service after all. 418 00:19:56,612 --> 00:20:00,741 DRONE 2: Yes, I agree. Amazon workers should not unionize. 419 00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,075 I-I didn't... I didn't say that. 420 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,369 Well, they sure can play dumb when they want to. 421 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,371 Please stop spying on us, Alexa. 422 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,749 Okay. Playing holiday music now. 423 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:12,669 And since we've no place to go ♪ 424 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:17,090 Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. ♪ 425 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,806 Well, that Blockbuster adventure sure was fun, 426 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,516 but we should probably just watch movies 427 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,684 at home from now on. 428 00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,144 You know, Dad, while we were flying home, 429 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:32,022 I did order something special for you. 430 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:35,442 Sliver! We can still do our old-school movie night. 431 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,777 I'll hook up the VCR. 432 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,989 Aw, damn it, we can't watch it. 433 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,366 I don't have the right adaptor cable. 434 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,326 The last Circuit City in the U.S. 435 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,079 is in St. Augustine, Florida. 436 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,540 Let's go. 437 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,084 I'll start the car. 438 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,836 Looks like the Griffins are at it again. 439 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,131 Hi, I'm Jeff Bezos, and I'm rich and bald. 440 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,884 Guess which one matters. Good night. 441 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,961 {\an8}Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH