1 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:04,838 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,133 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:11,720 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,723 On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:18,226 Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:21,521 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,106 All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,524 Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:30,113 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy. ♪ 10 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,287 {\an8}Okay, kids, remember, it's Father's Day, 11 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,663 {\an8}which is the one day a year 12 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,498 {\an8}we have to pretend your dad's annoying habits 13 00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:42,083 {\an8}are charming quirks. 14 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,711 {\an8}Here it comes, we get to watch him remove his mouth guard. 15 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,046 {\an8}Good morning, family. 16 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,422 {\an8}Let's see if I can break 17 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,549 {\an8}the nine-inch saliva string record. 18 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,012 {\an8}There it is, nine inches. 19 00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:55,722 {\an8}Peter, that's two inches. 20 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,515 {\an8}Saliva starts at the taint, Lois. 21 00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,601 {\an8}You always measure from the wrong place. 22 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,935 {\an8}- Brian? - Thank you. 23 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,896 {\an8}I'll just take that to the nibbling corner. 24 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,441 Mmm. 25 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,777 {\an8}Happy Father's Day, Dad. 26 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,696 {\an8}Okay, Peter, we have a special present for you this year. 27 00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:13,948 {\an8}We thought you could have the whole day 28 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,367 {\an8}- to yourself... - Yes! 29 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,452 {\an8}...to do the Father's Day scavenger hunt 30 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,746 {\an8}I organized with the other wives. 31 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:23,291 {\an8}No! No! 32 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,461 {\an8}No! No! 33 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:27,754 {\an8}What was that? 34 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,214 {\an8}My inner Al Pacino. 35 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,215 {\an8}Everybody has one. 36 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,050 {\an8}- I don't. - Sure you do. 37 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,551 {\an8}Since it's Father's Day, 38 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,553 {\an8}you have to do that thing in bed with me tonight. 39 00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:39,057 {\an8}No! 40 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:41,518 {\an8}Huh, son of a bitch. 41 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,396 {\an8}Anyway, I thought a scavenger hunt would be fun. 42 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:46,606 {\an8}Dads don't want fun on Father's Day. 43 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,441 {\an8}They want to put their hand down their pants, 44 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,360 {\an8}and watch a guy from a weird country 45 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,820 {\an8}win a golf tournament. 46 00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,325 {\an8}Who's ready to scavenger hunt? 47 00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:58,702 {\an8}I'll be your guide today. 48 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,037 {\an8}Hop on and, uh, please excuse the clutter. 49 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,581 {\an8}I'm kind of Nomadland -ing it in this thing. 50 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,874 {\an8}Can I move this bucket? 51 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:07,335 {\an8}I wouldn't move or open any buckets. 52 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,587 {\an8}Now, I'm gonna put on a microphone headset 53 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,423 {\an8}even though I'm mere feet from you. 54 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,466 Let's open that first clue 55 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,718 {\an8}and start pedaling. 56 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,056 {\an8}This is very hard. 57 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,976 {\an8}Yeah, it's usually bachelorette parties on these things, 58 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,062 {\an8}so they mostly run on "woos!" 59 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,773 {\an8}"Kids grow up so fast. 60 00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,692 {\an8}"Luckily, we are there for them 61 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,610 {\an8}"when they need that extra support. 62 00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:34,696 {\an8}This is where you bought Meg's first bra." 63 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:35,905 {\an8}At Goodwill. 64 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:38,158 {\an8}Oh, that's where I got Junior's first bra. 65 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,785 {\an8}Happy Father's Day, Daddy. 66 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,914 {\an8}A bunch of grabby fellas at the mall 67 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,250 {\an8}thought he was... Lizzo. 68 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,923 {\an8}Did you really buy Meg's first bra here? 69 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,050 {\an8}I didn't think they were allowed to sell 70 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:56,551 {\an8}used underwear products. 71 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,720 They do, there's just a special way you have to ask. 72 00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,804 - Hi. - Hi. 73 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,973 I'm looking for, um... 74 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,016 uh... 75 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,642 In a garbage bag behind the lamps. 76 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:05,935 Thank you. 77 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:07,854 I found it. 78 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,189 What's it say? 79 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,191 "Everybody's heard about this bird. 80 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,943 "The next clue can be found where he coops up. 81 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,905 But don't worry, I'm not talking about his coupons." 82 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:19,199 Sounds like the Giant Chicken's house. 83 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,372 This is where the Giant Chicken lives? 84 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,623 It's amazing. 85 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:27,916 How's he so rich? 86 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,959 His family got into the telecom game early. 87 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,212 They laid all the fiber from here to Barrington. 88 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,463 Chickens did that? 89 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,924 Quahog actually has five of the top 15 90 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,550 richest chickens in the world. 91 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,761 I did a whole episode about it on my podcast, 92 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,847 Joe's Gold: The Hidden Gems of Quahog. 93 00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:44,391 I didn't know you had a podcast. 94 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,602 Well, you have to ask questions to get answers, Peter. 95 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,729 Or as I say to my listeners, 96 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,107 "Ask and you shall Joe-ceive." 97 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,609 Is that supposed to rhyme? Because it doesn't. 98 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,986 Hey, you're Joe from Joe's Gold. 99 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,738 That's right. You want an autograph? 100 00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,906 No, I just want to say 101 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,991 your HelloFresh promo code doesn't work. 102 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,828 - Oh, did you type it in all caps? - Yes. 103 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,539 - Joe's Gold. All caps. - Yes. 104 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,457 It's got to be something on their end. 105 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:12,002 Hmm, I called them. They said it's your end. 106 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,380 And you did all caps? 107 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,054 We have reached our final destination. 108 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,932 I do accept tips, and I also offer them: 109 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,268 Do not become a high school principal. 110 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,562 We made it, guys. 111 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:33,231 Looks like the last clue is on that fence over there. 112 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,776 "Congratulations on finishing 113 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,820 "your Father's Day scavenger hunt. 114 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,780 You have earned your big gift." 115 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,658 "You are now the proud sponsor 116 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,702 of a rescue sheep on the ranch..." 117 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,829 - Oh, no. - Happy Father's Day. 118 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,499 Where we going to dinner? "Baa-ja" Fresh? 119 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:52,917 I'll be keeping the sheep. 120 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,509 What the hell is he doing? 121 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,970 He's doing what he does every Father's Day. 122 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,764 Waiting to shoot his dad. 123 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:10,518 Every year he stands under that there clocktower 124 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,730 at high noon, waiting to duel his father, Old West, 125 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,274 who abandoned the family to become an outlaw. 126 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,570 It was a promise he made to himself when he was just a boy, 127 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,782 a promise his mother asked him to keep on her deathbed. 128 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,202 "Pain for pain," she said. 129 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:30,413 So, every year, Wild West waits right there 130 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,998 for his father to show, 131 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,083 but every year... 132 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,919 ...his father never does. 133 00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:39,297 His mouth is very wet. 134 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,257 Hmm. Well, if he's just waiting there, 135 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,634 now seems like a good time 136 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,594 to ask him some chit-chatty questions. 137 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,805 Hey. Hi. 138 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:50,016 Heard about your dad. Crazy stuff. 139 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,394 I don't have time for pleasantries. 140 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,396 Totally get it. Hey, you run a small business. 141 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,272 I'm looking for a new paper shredder. 142 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,692 I can never find one that lasts. Any recommendations? 143 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,652 Are you using lubricator sheets? 144 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:01,986 I've never heard of that. 145 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:05,407 Buy lubricator sheets. Use them every 500 pages. 146 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,741 Do you have a brand you use? 147 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,535 - Nuova. - Muova? 148 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,577 Nuova. 149 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:10,954 That's what I said. Muova. 150 00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,164 It's Nuova with an "N." 151 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,083 - An "M?" - An "N." 152 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,167 N-N? 153 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,752 Just spell it? I'll write it down. 154 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:18,962 "N." 155 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,551 Hello, son. 156 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,927 Dad. 157 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,512 Fathers and sons 158 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,557 have one of the trickier relationships, historically. 159 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,976 We talk about that all the time on the pod. 160 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,729 Hey, you're Joe from Joe's Gold. 161 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,439 Guilty as charged. 162 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:40,483 Your HelloFresh promo code doesn't work. 163 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,652 We don't have any sponsors, I just made that up. 164 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,287 What kind of a man shoots another man 165 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,539 when he's not looking? You ambushed me. 166 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,584 A real man is always ready for an ambush. 167 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,711 Besides, I shot you in a limb. 168 00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,838 That's how cowboys show affection. 169 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,008 The Chris Brown defense. Not great. 170 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,677 Are you sure you don't want us to call a doctor, Mayor West? 171 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,429 That wound looks pretty gnarly. 172 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,765 I got some Minions Band-Aids if you want. 173 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,683 Just not Stuart, or Bob. 174 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,061 Kevin's kind of hilarious, too. 175 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,396 You know what, I rescind my Minions Band-Aid offer. 176 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,399 Look, son, I didn't come here to quarrel. 177 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,151 I came here to make things right. 178 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,778 You lost the right to make amends 179 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,238 the day you walked out on me and Ma. 180 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,115 Thankfully, Allen was there 181 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,910 to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. 182 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:35,622 Now, Wild, I do not want your blood sugar to get too low, 183 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,874 so look what I brought you. A juice box. 184 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,335 Oh, look who's here. Hello, Old West. 185 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,380 Allen. I see you still got the Civic running. 186 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,173 Oh, yeah. You know, every year 187 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,425 the dealership calls, asking me if I want to trade up, 188 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,261 but I tell them I just need to get from "A" to "B," 189 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,514 and I always do, thanks to "C." 190 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,141 You know, "C" is the Civic. 191 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,643 Right, I got that. 192 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,728 I think it's best if you leave. 193 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,856 Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. 194 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,818 Why? Do people get hit in the ass with it a lot? 195 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,611 It's just an expression. 196 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:10,031 Oh. I'm kind of worried about this door now, though. 197 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,199 Just leave. 198 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,582 Where did our bike go? 199 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,544 Sorry, it's gone. Sold it to a guy on Craigslist. 200 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,921 It looks like you got viciously assaulted. 201 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,881 Yeah. That's Craigslist. 202 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,341 How we gonna get back home? 203 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,927 I don't know, but I already bummed a ride with Allen. 204 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,429 Hey-hey-hey! 205 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,098 Hope you're okay with a little dog hair on the seats. 206 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:38,643 Oh, Allen, I'm okay with all kinds of hair. 207 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,480 Well, what are we supposed to do now? 208 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,315 I could give you a lift. 209 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,317 I'm already headed in that direction, 210 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,610 but I'm afraid we're gonna have to leave 211 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,362 your mangled man behind. 212 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,072 He'll only slow us down. 213 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:54,367 It'll be dark soon. You're gonna need this. 214 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,327 There's six bullets in there. 215 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,663 Five for prey, one for yourself. 216 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,582 We'll tell your wife you love her. 217 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,000 Nah, that's okay. 218 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,964 Well, here we are. 219 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,383 Peter, I was wondering if you'd maybe 220 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,761 let me set up camp here for the night? 221 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,513 Oh, boy. Nothing free is ever free. 222 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,723 Well, I don't see why not. 223 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,350 Let me go ask my wife if it's okay. 224 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,437 Hey, Lois, can my friend stay over tonight? 225 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:23,521 What? Who? 226 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,773 My cowboy friend. 227 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,232 - No. - Please? 228 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,777 No. You can't keep coming home with things. 229 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,445 - I don't. - This is the iguana all over again. 230 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,364 - This isn't the iguana. - I always end up 231 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:33,573 - having to take care of them. - His skin is very similar to the iguana, 232 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,492 - but it's not the iguana. - No. 233 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,744 Please? I think we could have fun. 234 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,079 I don't care what you think. 235 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,330 The answer is no. 236 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,915 It's not fair. Please? 237 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,458 I said, "No." 238 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,836 She said backyard's fine. 239 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:51,633 Now, I have to say, 240 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,176 I was a little hesitant to let you stay here, 241 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,637 but you've been a very considerate guest. 242 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,847 Every time I stand up, you stand, 243 00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,016 take your hat off, and say, "Ma'am." 244 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,601 Ma'am. 245 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,062 Ma'am. 246 00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,189 Ma... 247 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,565 ...am. 248 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,983 You know, I can't understand 249 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,361 why Mayor West wouldn't want you in his life. 250 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:14,197 - It's a long story. - How long? 251 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,699 My daddy was an outlaw, 252 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:18,243 just like his daddy, and his daddy before him. 253 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:20,286 "The end." Not so long. 254 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,539 They raised me to be the same. 255 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:25,000 After Wild was born, I... 256 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,251 I tried getting honest work. 257 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,752 Tried to go straight. 258 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:30,588 I auditioned for America's Got Talent, 259 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,715 but no one appreciates jumping in and out 260 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,508 of a spinning lasso anymore. 261 00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,093 When that didn't work out, 262 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,428 I turned to the only life I knew: 263 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,013 robbing and stealing. 264 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,226 Wild never forgave me for abandoning him. 265 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,438 How'd you get that scar on your face? 266 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,857 I got this scar working a heist. 267 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,568 A member of my posse got pinned down by gunfire 268 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,944 and I went back to save him. 269 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,279 When you work a job with someone, 270 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,364 you never leave another man behind. 271 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,824 You know what I think? 272 00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,535 With a little domestication, you'd make a good dad. 273 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,661 Why don't you stay with us 274 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,455 and I can help you win your son back? 275 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,081 Oh, that sounds swell. 276 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,709 Mind if I shoot my pistol in the air to celebrate? 277 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,382 Oh, boy, this is gonna turn into a mess on Nextdoor. 278 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,626 Are you sure this whole getup is necessary, Peter? 279 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,002 I feel a little foolish. 280 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,754 It's the perfect dad uniform. 281 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,589 The free Marriott polo shirt 282 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,758 tells everyone that you're handsy when you're drunk, 283 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,635 the jean shorts say you're impotent, 284 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,012 and the sunglasses say you stormed the Capitol. 285 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,223 That was a peaceful protest. 286 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,725 Yeah, it's not like they were kneeling at a football game. 287 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,352 On a Sunday. 288 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,355 Anyway, now you look like a man who's ready to be a dad. 289 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,065 In fact, my son was having a problem 290 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,401 that maybe a good dad could help him solve. 291 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,111 There's a girl I like at school, 292 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,655 and I'm not sure if she likes me back. 293 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,240 Now here's what you should do: 294 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,242 You take out a hefty silver dollar, 295 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,660 and you drop it in her corset. 296 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,787 If it's meant to be, she'll accept you 297 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:28,707 in a room full of distractingly floral wallpaper. 298 00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,417 If not, she'll stab you in the liver 299 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,501 with your own boot knife. 300 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,670 That's how I met my Pearl. 301 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,799 I think you're ready. 302 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:39,342 When Mayor West sees you now, 303 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,928 he's gonna know you're serious about being his dad. 304 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,930 Thank you for all your help, Peter. 305 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,640 You make a good partner, 306 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:46,891 and I want you to have something. 307 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,309 It's the dried hand 308 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,145 of a Paiute I found in the desert. 309 00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,896 It's very important to me, 310 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,648 and now it's yours. 311 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:57,027 Is-is this a way to break some kind of curse on you? 312 00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,238 You need to make the decision to take it. 313 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,198 Yeah, m-maybe just leave it on the ground. 314 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,408 It doesn't work like... 315 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:05,493 It'll just wind up back in my pocket. 316 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,494 Yeah, I'm gonna pass. 317 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,621 Well, looks like someone thinks 318 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,791 a shave and a haircut means he's a changed man. 319 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,837 Son, I don't know how much time I have left in this world. 320 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,380 Because of the cursed hand? 321 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,049 That does add to the stress. 322 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,885 I just want to make things right between us. 323 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,094 I don't buy it, 324 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:24,429 and I'm gonna do to you 325 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,389 what should have been done a long time ago. 326 00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:31,227 You're under arrest for shooting the mayor. 327 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,604 You ambushed me. 328 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,648 A real man is always ready for an ambush. 329 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,360 And a man also knows how to get out of an ambush. 330 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,117 Hmm. 331 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,454 Don't you have to work today? 332 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:51,081 No, I work on Thursday. 333 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,375 Uh, dude? Today is Thursday. 334 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:54,459 Dang it. 335 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,844 Forgot my phone. 336 00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:15,355 I should have never listened to you, Peter. 337 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,816 If I had my gun, I would have gotten out of this. 338 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,275 I was only trying to help. 339 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,694 You want to help? 340 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,904 Take this Paiute hand and put it in a safe place. 341 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,906 Oh, okay, yeah, I can... Oh, wait a minute. 342 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,826 And I reckon you're pretty happy with yourself, 343 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,786 getting your father arrested like this. 344 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,830 I reckon you have no right to reckon about 345 00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,540 what I'm reckoning about. 346 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,208 That's where you're wrong. 347 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,253 I reckon I can reckon about what I reckon please. 348 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,130 I reckon you should check yourself 349 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,881 before you reckon yourself. 350 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,385 I reckon you know I always come in like a reckon ball. 351 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,678 That Miley? 352 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,179 I reckon it is. 353 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,557 I don't agree with all the piercings and haircuts, 354 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,684 but she's got one hell of a voice. 355 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,144 A hell of a voice. 356 00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,480 Joe, you can't arrest him. 357 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,982 He shot the mayor, Peter. 358 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,693 Plus, he's got multiple warrants in multiple states. 359 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:04,571 Yeah, I know, he really messed up. Like David Geffen. 360 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,075 What the hell was that? 361 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,910 Yeah, David Geffen paid us $10 million 362 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,953 not to do the cutaway. 363 00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,538 Huh. Was it bad? 364 00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,582 I'm not allowed to say as part of the settlement. 365 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,793 All I will say is from film, to music, to politics, 366 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:22,505 no one has been more influential than David Geffen. 367 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:26,926 What's the matter, Peter? 368 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,803 Ah, I don't know, I just feel bad 369 00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,221 about what happened with Old West. 370 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:31,848 It's my fault he got arrested. 371 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,600 He's probably gonna die in jail 372 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,393 without ever making up with his son. 373 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,562 Well, I know how painful it is 374 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:40,273 to see a man you've known for 18 hours in distress, 375 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,025 but you've got to let it go, Peter. 376 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,611 I can't do that. Old West and I were partners, 377 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,155 and he taught me that when you work a job with someone, 378 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,074 you never leave a man behind. 379 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,701 We got to form a posse and break him out. 380 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,578 - I'm in. - Let's do this. 381 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:56,623 - Yeah. - Next up for Clam Karaoke Night: 382 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,083 it's the "Glam Guys." 383 00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:00,085 All right, let's go rock Wilson Phillips 384 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:01,795 and then do the posse thing. 385 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,800 Where's your horse? 386 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,260 It's very hard to get a horse last-minute. 387 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,595 You should have called last night. 388 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,847 I did. You all got the last horses. 389 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,016 The guy was totally overwhelmed on the phone. 390 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,893 He yelled at me. 391 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:19,854 All right, Peter, what's the plan? 392 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,481 I thought you guys were gonna have the plan. 393 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,816 I formed the posse. 394 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,234 Yeah, those usually go together. 395 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:25,235 All right, let's brainstorm. 396 00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,695 How do we fool the police 397 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,697 into breaking someone out of a jail cell? 398 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,408 Trojan Bosch. 399 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:38,415 Oh, no way, Harry Bosch. My favorite TV cop. 400 00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,000 I have so many questions for you. 401 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,794 How's L.A.? You ever meet Richard Dean Anderson? 402 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,546 He lives in L.A., right? Where does he live? 403 00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:46,715 Um, hey, settle a bet for me, Bosch. 404 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,967 In all those scenes where you're in Italian restaurants, 405 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:51,302 is it true you're eating real spaghetti? 406 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,512 Shut up. 407 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,847 I knew it was real spaghetti. 408 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,432 All right, I'm gonna go get us some coffees. 409 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,058 You mind holding down the fort for a sec? 410 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,393 Thanks, Bosch. 411 00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,270 Real spaghetti. Wow. 412 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:03,231 He's gone. Everybody out the black jeans door. 413 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:06,067 Straight flush. You got to strip. 414 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,403 What about tonight? 415 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,863 What? 416 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,906 Oh, did you say, "I'm never gonna get out of here?" 417 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,826 No, I was telling my horse to get naked. 418 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,996 Oh. Oh, well-well, we're breaking you out tonight. 419 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,206 I'm surprised you came back for me. 420 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,876 You taught me to never leave another man behind. 421 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,711 I didn't think you'd remember. 422 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,797 I associate you with guns, guns make me think of war, 423 00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,007 Vietnam was a war, 424 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,384 and N.A.M. is "Never Abandon Man." 425 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,595 I-I don't need to hear the process. 426 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,306 Allen, you came. 427 00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:37,599 Of course I did. 428 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,893 And I think margs are gonna be on you 429 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,519 after this adventure, huh? 430 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,104 I don't drink that (bleep). 431 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,689 Okay, we'll figure something out. 432 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,274 Everyone wanted to help. 433 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,610 We even got a member of your original posse to show up. 434 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,571 The Melanoma Kid. 435 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,198 I wouldn't miss it... 436 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,076 ...for the world. 437 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,369 That's a guy? 438 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:59,204 I thought it was a big autumn leaf. 439 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,456 Sorry, Bosch, we ran out of milk, 440 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,541 so I put in a dollop of cream cheese. 441 00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,460 Had to stir a lot, so... 442 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,212 Tell me about your hooker mom. 443 00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,172 What was that like? 444 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,134 What the hell happened in here, Bosch? 445 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,470 Wait a minute. Frozen expression, 446 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,722 painted-on clothes, open ass door. 447 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:20,100 We've been Trojan Bosched again. 448 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,566 Looks like Daddy West is flying the coop again. 449 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:31,027 You keep eating apples like that, Caleb, 450 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,196 you're gonna get diarrhea. 451 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,325 I think we lost them. 452 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,077 Pretty sure my Chapstick fell out. 453 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,204 Almost certain of it. 454 00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:44,708 I'm gonna need you boys to turn right back around. 455 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,043 Mayor West, we broke him out for you. 456 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:49,045 Can't you see he wants to make things right? 457 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,464 There's only one person he's ever cared about, 458 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,882 and it's himself. 459 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,802 He's done walking out of towns consequence-free. 460 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:59,097 I knew once I broke out that I'd see you again. 461 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,557 Maybe I do deserve 462 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:03,852 to spend my remaining days in a jail cell. 463 00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:05,353 And I'll let you take me, 464 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,814 but not until I say what I have to say. 465 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,650 Say it, then. Why'd you leave us? 466 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,485 Because if I stayed, 467 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,280 you would have grown up to be just like your father, 468 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,700 a lonely, loveless, no-good outlaw. 469 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:22,245 I wanted you to be a better man than I ever could be. 470 00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:25,665 And look at you now. Tell me it didn't work. 471 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:31,713 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball... ♪ 472 00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,715 Aw, hell, Daddy. 473 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,637 Happy Father's Day. 474 00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,681 I never want to see you again. 475 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,266 You never will. 476 00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:46,728 Where you gonna go now? 477 00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,688 I have another son in Utah 478 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,191 who wants to shoot me on the Fourth of July. 479 00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:54,611 I'll probably head that way. So long. 480 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,738 Goodbye, Old West. 481 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,829 Well, I spy a group of guys 482 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:08,249 that could use a frosty mug of root beer at the A&W. 483 00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,460 You know, Mayor West, you're pretty lucky 484 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,128 to have a stepdad like Allen. 485 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:15,131 Yeah. Aside from not believing in vaccines, 486 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,092 - he's a pretty cool guy. - Oh. 487 00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:25,183 I sure am gonna miss Old West. 488 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,102 He taught me a lot about friendship 489 00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:28,853 and what it means to be a dad. 490 00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,772 Like what? What did he teach you? 491 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,066 I-I don't know. Cowboy stuff? 492 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,652 I didn't realize there was gonna be a quiz. 493 00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:39,197 Well, it's probably time to hang this up, huh, Dad? 494 00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,907 Yep, I suppose so. 495 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,992 "The David Geffen Living Room?" 496 00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,452 What... What is this? 497 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,913 Oh, the lawyers said since he gave us $10 million, 498 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,331 he's contractually entitled 499 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,916 to have his name on a part of the house. 500 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,376 That doesn't seem fair. 501 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:53,712 I know, such rich guy bull crap. 502 00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,714 But we'll have to continue this conversation 503 00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:58,967 on next week's episode of David Geffen's Family Guy. 504 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,927 - What? - David Geffen good night.