1 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:05,005 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,133 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:11,803 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,431 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:18,268 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,563 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,148 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,899 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:30,113 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,537 {\an8}May I join the Loser's Club? 11 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,290 {\an8}I don't care what yearbook captions you saw, 12 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,293 {\an8}we are not yet an organized club. 13 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,214 {\an8}Oh, hells yeah! 14 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,883 {\an8}There's only one reason the lunch lady 15 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,634 {\an8}puts the gray oven mitt back on: 16 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:54,763 {\an8}second tray of French bread pizza coming out. 17 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,431 {\an8}Got to move quick if you want to get the one 18 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,016 {\an8}with two pepperonis. 19 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:00,977 Hey! 20 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,437 {\an8}Move. 21 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,481 {\an8}I'll have you know I'm a Stouffer. 22 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,816 {\an8}Where you at, pepperonis? 23 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:10,111 {\an8}Aha! I hope your affairs are in order. 24 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:11,613 {\an8}- Honey? - The deed to the house 25 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,323 {\an8}is in the drawer under the phone. 26 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:19,204 {\an8}Meg, what you did back there, 27 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,456 {\an8}boxing out those students, was quite impressive. 28 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:22,457 {\an8}Really? 29 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,167 {\an8}Have you ever considered trying out 30 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,543 {\an8}for the girls basketball team? 31 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,462 {\an8}I've just taken the job as head coach 32 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:30,465 {\an8}in an attempt to build character for my upcoming divorce hearing. 33 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,384 {\an8}I thought you were already divorced. 34 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,303 {\an8}I was. I'm getting divorced again. 35 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,638 {\an8}Turns out the first bitch 36 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,682 {\an8}might've been right about my misogyny. 37 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,605 {\an8}Hey, Stewie, what are you watching? 38 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:48,108 {\an8}The most glorious website of all time: 39 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,734 {\an8}YouTube. 40 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:52,696 {\an8}I only hope the site doesn't run out of content for me to watch. 41 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,906 {\an8}You know, you should really be careful on YouTube, Stewie. 42 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,741 {\an8}You never know what's gonna pop up next. 43 00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,493 {\an8}I mean, there's some wild stuff out there. 44 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,787 {\an8}- Okay, boomer. - I'm not a boomer, I'm Gen X. 45 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,957 {\an8}Brian, you save back issues of Costco magazine. 46 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,626 {\an8}Uh, it's called the Costco Connection, 47 00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,503 {\an8}and it's how I get good deals on cruises. 48 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:09,963 {\an8}Yeah, you're not helping yourself here. 49 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,799 {\an8}Let's see. "Suggested videos for you: 50 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,427 {\an8}"'Joe Rogan interviews Boss Baby,' 51 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,179 {\an8}'Goodnight Moon: Fact or Hoax?'" 52 00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,848 {\an8}Whoa, listen to this one, Rupert. 53 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,933 {\an8}"The Truth About Naps." 54 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,061 {\an8}I hate naps, and I love the truth. 55 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,564 On March 7th, 1999, 56 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,150 {\an8}a resistance took place at Tree House Day Care 57 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,651 {\an8}in Atlanta, Georgia, 58 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,988 {\an8}that would expose the truth about nap time forever. 59 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,741 {\an8}Harold "Harry" Brockmeyer, age three, 60 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,034 {\an8}refused to nap. 61 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:42,037 {\an8}He was not tired, as he had slept 16 hours 62 00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,246 {\an8}the previous evening. 63 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,914 {\an8}In fact, after lunch, 64 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,250 {\an8}he made a finger painting that, to this day, 65 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,669 {\an8}still hangs on his parents' refrigerator. 66 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:53,006 {\an8}Well, ho... ly (bleep). 67 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,090 The fact is, 68 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,550 {\an8}naps only exist 69 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,552 {\an8}for the oppression of young children 70 00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,430 {\an8}and as a scam to give parents time to themselves. 71 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,476 {\an8}Could it be true? 72 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,269 {\an8}Oh, I must get to the bottom of this, 73 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,271 {\an8}like a hard-nosed police detective. 74 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,648 {\an8}Jenkins, I'm taking you off this murder. 75 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,192 {\an8}You're too close to the case. 76 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,195 {\an8}Okay, but what if I could get further away from the case? 77 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,155 {\an8}- What do you mean? - What if I could, like, 78 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,115 {\an8}not care who killed that family? 79 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:22,077 {\an8}Oh. Well, then you could stay on the case, obviously. 80 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,162 {\an8}- As long as you don't care. - Care about what? 81 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,790 {\an8}The ca-- Uh... Nice. 82 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,041 {\an8}Get back to work. 83 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:34,673 Okay, Stewie, time to rest your little head. 84 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:35,965 Here's your bottle. 85 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,927 Mommy's gonna nap, too. Sweet dreams. 86 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,192 She's not sleeping. 87 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,736 She's scrolling through old photos of herself. 88 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,364 This is exactly what the video was talking about. 89 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,492 Ugh, look how young I looked. 90 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:05,704 Oh, my God, now she's retweeting Hoover sponsored content, 91 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,288 trying to get a free vacuum. 92 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,582 Oh, and now she's scrolled past a fundraiser 93 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,876 for "Women of Iran," not even a "like." 94 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,218 Hey, Quagmire. What are you doing here? 95 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,970 One of these gals turning 18? 96 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,055 No, Peter. Believe it or not, I actually care 97 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,474 about Adam West High School girls basketball. 98 00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:29,019 I'm a longtime fan of the sport, and I find it relaxing here. 99 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,478 It's never crowded. 100 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,355 Just me and the goth kids who come here 101 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,982 to actively ignore the game. 102 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:37,027 So then I said, "What do you think of my hair now, Dad?" 103 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,487 - What did he say? - He said he loved me either way. 104 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:40,613 Ass. 105 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,074 This could be that championship season. 106 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,243 Finally get that team photo up at Applebee's. 107 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,370 Oh, God, I don't want to get ahead of myself. 108 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,789 I don't care about any of that. Meg is trying out, 109 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:53,126 and Lois made me come because she says I'm her "dad." 110 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,548 Okay, Griffin, you're up next. Take a shot. 111 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,308 Yeah, no. 112 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,809 I've seen enough, Griffin. 113 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,436 I guess I was wrong about you. 114 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,565 Hey, Meg, I can see your penis. 115 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,692 - She looked. - She did look. 116 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,704 What, are your feet nailed to the ground? Jump. 117 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,753 Well, okay. You're on the team. 118 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,131 All right! I'm gonna go tell all the guys 119 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:42,217 at the brewery, like Rudy's dad. 120 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,888 My daughter made the basketball team. 121 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,434 I heard a lady fart while she was pumping gas this morning. 122 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:54,562 A lot, a lot to celebrate today. 123 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,907 Come on, where's the energy, ladies? 124 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,992 And that was meant to be an insult. 125 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,870 Ow! 126 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,498 What happened to the Meg I saw in tryouts? 127 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,083 Our first game is tomorrow, 128 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,252 and the whole team is counting on you. 129 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,671 - Hey, Meg. - They just let any strange adult 130 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,172 in here anytime, huh? 131 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,383 Yeah, well, the gym is not connected to the main campus, 132 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,177 so, uh... But listen, I think I know what your issue is. 133 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,138 You did much better at tryouts, right? 134 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,098 - Yeah. - Well, what was different? 135 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,684 My socks? Wait, no, no. 136 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,811 - Still the same. - Your dad was here. 137 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,896 Do you think Dad helps me play better? 138 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,399 "Help" is a more positive word than I would use, 139 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,608 but, technically, yeah. 140 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,069 Each time he heckled you, you played well. 141 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,155 I just wanted to prove him wrong. 142 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,240 Well, there's your spinach, Popeye. 143 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,201 Man, am I aging myself. 144 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,328 All right, I'm gonna go to the gym snack bar 145 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,290 and buy a Dixie Cup of Diet Pepsi for six bucks. 146 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,250 It all goes to the student council. 147 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,086 Well, it-it sure goes to somebody. 148 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,842 What's up, little guys? I'm Corey. 149 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,469 And today, I'm gonna teach you how to navigate 150 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,763 the dark web and undermine the deep state. 151 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,057 Stewie, it's 3:00. Shouldn't you be napping? 152 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:15,060 Done with naps. My eyes are wide open now, Bri, 153 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,354 - and they're never closing again. - What's gotten into you? 154 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,230 I've been fed lies, Brian. 155 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,941 Vaccine-laced breast milk and lies. 156 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,152 I recently watched a video on YouTube... 157 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,529 - Oh, here we go. - ...and it proved naps were just 158 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,032 invented by grown-ups so that they can goof-off. 159 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,742 - What? - And it doesn't stop there. 160 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:34,662 BabyTruther1776 explained that my eyes 161 00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:38,291 won't stay like this when I cross them. See? 162 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,876 Slow down, Stewie. 163 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,671 Yes, there are some white lies that parents tell their kids, 164 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,297 but that's because it's for their own good. 165 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,674 Yeah, right. 166 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,676 That's probably what Britney Spears' father tells her. 167 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,427 Dad, can I have some cereal? 168 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,970 There is no cereal. 169 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,641 Now, jam in that IUD and go make me some money. 170 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:57,018 Family Guy: We're on Britney's side 171 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,561 now that it's popular. 172 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:06,027 Here we go, Meg, here we go! 173 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,904 - Are you recording this? - I can't. 174 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,490 I dropped my phone down a bleacher slat. 175 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,451 I hope I don't ruin some teenage sexual encounter. 176 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,787 Ow. The finger I was about to use. 177 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,501 Me! Me! Pass it to me. I'm open. 178 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,631 Hey, Meg, if that pass was HPV, you would've caught it. 179 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,134 Peter, knock it off. 180 00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,302 No, no, trust me, Lois. This works. Watch. 181 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,596 Hey, Meg, every game you play 182 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,974 is a game of "horse" with that face. 183 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,571 Oh, boom goes the Babadook. 184 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,573 See you on SportsCenter Top Ten. 185 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,199 ♪ Giggity. Giggity. ♪ 186 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,660 - Whoa. Was that our Meg? - Hey, Meg, 187 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,663 this is the closest you're ever gonna get to hard wood. 188 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:07,339 I can't believe I'm saying this, but, Peter, you're right. 189 00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:09,799 Your insults are making Meg play better. 190 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,259 See? Told you. 191 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:14,054 Meg's pronouns are "yick" and "uch." 192 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,516 Nice! Oh, this feels wrong, 193 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,685 but I don't know if I've ever seen Meg succeed 194 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,395 at anything like this before. 195 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,105 Lord, forgive me. 196 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,483 Peter, Meg's nipples are different sizes. 197 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,734 Get her. 198 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,281 Wow, what a game! 199 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,241 Unbelievable. 200 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,951 Just unbelievable! 201 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:40,789 It feels so good knowing I gave birth to a star athlete. 202 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:43,291 Like... like really good. 203 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,669 - Is this happening? - Is what happening? 204 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,712 First one to the bedroom gets to be on the bottom. 205 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,256 Stewie, honey, don't come upstairs for a bit. 206 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,759 {\an8}The floor is lava again. 207 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,220 Wow, thank you, Lois. 208 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:20,995 Rupert! 209 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,834 Another lie. 210 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,711 That's not deadly lava. 211 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,422 What? I didn't trip. You jumped. 212 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,841 Oh, suddenly the guy who smokes two packs a day 213 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,217 wants to live forever. 214 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,347 And now to confront the deceivers. 215 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,182 Stewie, I don't think you should go in there. 216 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,435 Stewie, no! 217 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,071 I'm David Hyde Pierce. 218 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:58,324 I'm two layers down, but I'm in there. 219 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:04,914 In front of a startling 12% capacity crowd, 220 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,042 the Adam West High Name Pending 221 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,294 Open Administrative Hearing October Fourths 222 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,713 find themselves up big at the half. 223 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,466 Oh, suddenly "The Fighty Whities" is offensive? 224 00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,009 Take off the sweatshirt. 225 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:26,269 Hey, Meg, you play like Kobe... beef. 226 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,730 Jiminy Christma-- 227 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,398 - What the hell? - Uh-oh, Peter. 228 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,442 Maybe you'd better take a break from yelling for a bit. 229 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,819 Nah, it's fine. Don't throw it to Griffin. 230 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,405 She su... 231 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,492 Oh, no, Peter lost his voice at just the worst time. 232 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,286 Butt scratcher! 233 00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:46,539 Butt scratcher here! Verbal confirmation only! 234 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:50,752 Two for a dollar, but only if you holler! 235 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,420 Butt scratcher! 236 00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:59,052 Stewie? Buddy? 237 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,012 Haven't seen you in a while. 238 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:04,599 How you feeling after the, uh, you know, incident? 239 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,685 I have no idea to what you're referring. 240 00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:07,977 You mean you don't remember? 241 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,650 Leave Stewie alone. He's a good boy. 242 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,569 Cute. But, come on, Stewie. You want to talk about it? 243 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,238 Stewie's not here right now. 244 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,990 I'm Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson. 245 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,492 And I'm Boone. 246 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,828 I'd be happy to talk about seeing Pappy 247 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,663 all up in Mama's guts. 248 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:30,625 You know, sometimes you just got to smash. 249 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,294 It's not polite to talk like that in front of Stewie. 250 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,005 He's just a wee child. 251 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,757 "In front of Stewie"? You are Stewie. 252 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,677 Stewie's a tough sum'bitch. He can handle it. 253 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,013 Could what you saw in Peter and Lois's bedroom 254 00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,681 have been that traumatizing? 255 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,725 Kermit the Frog here to smooth over 256 00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:49,102 some confusing images with rainbows. 257 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,937 Stewie, I think your psyche fractured 258 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,856 into multiple personalities. 259 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,941 I don't have time for this. I got to go. 260 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,152 - Who are you? - I'm the Jase-Man. 261 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,696 I give purple nurples. Oh, hey, Stewie. 262 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,823 Why are you putting on a San Jose Sharks hat 263 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,283 and pulling up my shirt? 264 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,118 Ow, my nipple! 265 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,203 Damn it, I hate the Jase-Man! 266 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:16,171 Well, he lost his voice, Dr. Hartman. 267 00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:19,090 He's just been screaming at girls basketball games, and... 268 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,717 I'm gonna microwave my lunch right now, 269 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,094 but I just want you to know I'm totally listening. 270 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,638 Yeah, so, anyway, my husband lost his voice, and... 271 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,807 Sorry, what do you think? 20 seconds? A minute? 272 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,184 It's half a calzone. 273 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,769 30 seconds, then check it. 274 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:35,190 Are you gonna help us? He's barely been able to speak. 275 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,900 He needs to rest his voice. 276 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,569 He absolutely must not talk for at least a week. 277 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,154 If he tries to speak too soon, 278 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,531 he could damage his vocal cords and lose his voice forever. 279 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:44,699 Oh, my God. 280 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,787 What is it? Is he trying to say something? 281 00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:51,623 No, he just wanted to show me he drew a Garfield. 282 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,543 That's a very good Garfield, Peter. 283 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,215 Ugh, not even close. 284 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:06,262 All right, I'm checking to see if WebMD can help us, Stewie. 285 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,516 Okay, here it is. "Multiple personality disorder, 286 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,519 see also, 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.'" 287 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,772 Sounds like this Stewie mope is gonna have a heart attack. 288 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,191 Okay, it says here that the first thing I need to do 289 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,443 is talk to the dominant personality. 290 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,946 Is that Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson? 291 00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:25,115 One moment, I think you want Rick. 292 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,616 Hi, I'm Rick. 293 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,702 Hey, Rick. 294 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,286 Ow! What the hell, Stewie? 295 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,372 It's Rick. I'm just your average guy 296 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,833 who likes to beat up dogs 'cause it makes me feel in control 297 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:37,168 when my wife and three daughters emasculate me. 298 00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:39,671 Ah! Ah! 299 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:42,674 Stop! Wait! I want Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson back! 300 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:46,302 Sorry, Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson is in the loo. 301 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,431 Ah! Bring back that Southern guy. 302 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,224 Sorry, I'm busy watching 303 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,518 - Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson use the john. - Ah! 304 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,062 Can I talk to someone else? Literally anyone? 305 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,814 I'm Gilbert Gottfried, 306 00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:01,693 and I was fired by Aflac for no reason. 307 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,653 Well, there-there was some reason. 308 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,410 I can't believe Peter's lost his voice. 309 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,162 How's he gonna insult Meg now? 310 00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,621 Well, I don't know if it's gonna work, 311 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,998 but he brought a whiteboard. 312 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,085 Meg's got the ball. 313 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,796 Peter, quick, write something mean. 314 00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:25,258 "You're doing to this game what R. Kelly did to all tho..." 315 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,052 Yeah, no, no, I'm not saying the rest of that. 316 00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:32,390 Peter, you're too slow. 317 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,933 Let me try to give her the business. 318 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,645 Uh, Meg, honey, you used to walk pigeon-toed 319 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,773 but got better with the right shoes! 320 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,990 {\an8}Well, that'll do it 321 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,825 {\an8}from the Adam West High Gymnasium, 322 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:54,746 {\an8}where the home team goes down in a nine-seven slugfest. 323 00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,998 We're so sorry, honey. 324 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,417 Yeah, but it turns out 325 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,920 our team is still advancing to the championship game. 326 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,338 - Really? - Yeah. 327 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,465 The other team was disqualified from the league. 328 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,550 I guess one of them was Gilbert Gottfried. 329 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,136 I have to do something. 330 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,433 Y'all mind if I record this 331 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,477 for teaching purposes or whatever? 332 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,603 Sure. 333 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,522 Now, Mrs. Padberry-Wilkerson, 334 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,316 can you tell me about Stewie's "problem"? 335 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,027 Well, it's not something a proper lady 336 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,445 is used to talking about, 337 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,698 but I believe it was something he saw. 338 00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,741 What's the big deal? It's just sex. 339 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,285 Mrs. Padberry-Winkie-Woo is just a prude 340 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,079 who's never gotten enough "vitamin D," 341 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,789 if you know what I mean. 342 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,165 Excuse me. 343 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,876 I will have you know I am a tigress in the bedroom. 344 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,920 - This is ridiculous. - Shh. 345 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,173 I find the best thing to do with multiple personalities 346 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,550 is to summon them all 347 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,635 and let them work out they differences. 348 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:53,096 Oh, is that so, Miss Tigress? 349 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:54,806 Quite right. 350 00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,350 How's about you hoist off them BVDs, 351 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,519 and I do you on a front yard couch? 352 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,730 Why, Mr. Boone, you're terrible. Don't stop. 353 00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:02,772 I ain't gonna. 354 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,524 Enough. Stewie. 355 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,651 You're losing it because you haven't napped in days. 356 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,236 You're cranky. You're scared. 357 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,405 Listen, what you saw in Peter and Lois's bedroom 358 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,698 is not what you think. 359 00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:16,786 It was just... Lois looking very closely at the sheets 360 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,538 so she could check the thread count. 361 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,751 And Peter was just... cheering her on from behind. 362 00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:25,295 Really? That makes sense. 363 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,880 I like that. Phew. 364 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,049 Ah, I guess I really could use a nap. 365 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,926 Sometimes you just have to trust what your parents tell you. 366 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:35,347 - It's in your best interest. - Yes, maybe you're right. 367 00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:38,600 Determining thread count with the naked eye would take hours. 368 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,811 Your father walked out after 30 seconds, apologizing. 369 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,938 Shut your tea and cake hole, woman. 370 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,565 Let me roll with this lie. 371 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,618 And we've got a tie heading into the final moments 372 00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,578 of this championship game. 373 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,127 Ugh, Meg is really stinking out there. 374 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,213 If only you still had your voice, Peter. 375 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,798 Meg Griffin has the ball, 376 00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:11,716 {\an8}drives to the hoop, and she's fouled by 377 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,052 {\an8}Exasperated Mouthguard Mary. 378 00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:16,054 Come on, that's a charge! 379 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,847 Meg Griffin will go to the line 380 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,934 with two chances to win this game for Adam West High. 381 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,269 Come on, you can do this. 382 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,523 Everyone who's not looking at their phone is counting on you. 383 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,485 Oh, a wide miss. 384 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:31,820 Come on, Meg. 385 00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:34,322 This is for immortality on the Applebee's wall, 386 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,908 right between the vintage trumpet and the rusty stop sign. 387 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,758 Time-out. 388 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,052 {\an8}And Meg Griffin is going up into the stands. 389 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,263 {\an8}Toddlers are roaming free on the court. 390 00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,973 Nothing seems to matter. 391 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,935 Dad, you have insulted me every day of my entire life, 392 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,604 and now, the one moment when I need it, 393 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,565 you've got nothing? 394 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,942 Well, guess what, you tubby piece of crap. 395 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:12,402 I don't need you. 396 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,946 I'm gonna hit this shot without your help, and when I do, 397 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,990 I'm gonna experience more glory 398 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:20,910 than you ever have in your entire empty, pathetic life. 399 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,496 Shut up, Meg. 400 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,206 What did you say? 401 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:27,334 Shut up, Meg. 402 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,961 Peter, don't. You could lose your voice forever. 403 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,629 I still can't hear you, 404 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,840 you sausage-fingered human hernia. 405 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,134 You listen to your father. 406 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,303 From the bottom of my heart, 407 00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:41,598 I wish we'd never had you. 408 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,439 There's my dad. 409 00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:07,207 And Meg Griffin wins it! 410 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,167 That's it for us at Adam West High. 411 00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,877 You're now going to hear us run away 412 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,671 because we're parked illegally at the bank. 413 00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,631 That year, 414 00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:17,092 the team had its best season in school history, 415 00:20:17,092 --> 00:20:20,428 despite being stuck with a Xanax-addicted head coach. 416 00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,222 I'm Felicia Legette-Shepherd, 417 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:24,349 and I won this voice-over in the divorce. 418 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,191 Come on, children. 419 00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:36,653 Grab the dinner mints off the check and let's go. 420 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,329 Woof. 421 00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:49,833 That was an historic season. Historic. 422 00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:53,670 Excuse me. I think my steak is overcooked. 423 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,548 This is Applebee's. It definitely was overcooked. 424 00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:59,676 Applebee's: Drink your blue drink and shut up.