1 00:00:01,604 --> 00:00:04,643 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,643 --> 00:00:08,050 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,183 --> 00:00:11,757 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,757 --> 00:00:14,763 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:18,203 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,203 --> 00:00:21,375 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,475 --> 00:00:23,113 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,382 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:30,327 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:37,942 Boy, everybody's here. 11 00:00:37,942 --> 00:00:39,378 Why do you think we're gathering? 12 00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:41,950 This isn't about the soiled pants in the toilet, right? 13 00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:43,220 'Cause I hadn't heard about that. 14 00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:44,789 Good morning, employees. 15 00:00:44,789 --> 00:00:46,794 As some of you can tell by my face, 16 00:00:46,794 --> 00:00:48,229 I have some exciting news. 17 00:00:48,229 --> 00:00:50,936 But first, a pair of husky-size green pants were found 18 00:00:50,936 --> 00:00:53,406 in the men's room, positively destroyed. 19 00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:55,143 That's what I hadn't heard about. 20 00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:56,780 Now the exciting news. 21 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:59,151 The brewery is transitioning to an open floor plan 22 00:00:59,151 --> 00:01:01,791 and will be called the Pawtucket Patriot campus. 23 00:01:01,791 --> 00:01:04,696 To help explain the transition to our futuristic workplace, 24 00:01:04,796 --> 00:01:06,700 I'd like to share a video from our investor, 25 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,874 the confusingly charismatic WeWork lunatic. 26 00:01:09,974 --> 00:01:12,244 Hey, I'm the guy from WeWork. 27 00:01:12,344 --> 00:01:14,115 My foremost goal is to facilitate 28 00:01:14,215 --> 00:01:16,853 an experiential bandwidth of synergy. 29 00:01:16,853 --> 00:01:18,958 Hammock desks, scooter desks, 30 00:01:18,958 --> 00:01:21,263 and the world's first desk-desk. 31 00:01:21,396 --> 00:01:24,268 The only desk that functions as a working desk. 32 00:01:24,268 --> 00:01:27,308 I have been the WeWork lunatic, please don't google me. 33 00:01:27,308 --> 00:01:29,646 Our new office will also have 34 00:01:29,646 --> 00:01:31,650 a lady chef who only makes vegan food, 35 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:34,188 pinball machines, and nursing pods. 36 00:01:34,188 --> 00:01:37,160 Lastly, as we transition to our new open floor plan, 37 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,564 the brewery will be closed 38 00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:40,534 for the next two months for construction. 39 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,435 Yes, Griffin? 40 00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:45,410 Are the nursing pods, l-like, for anyone? 41 00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:51,156 If I ordered a whole Cornish game hen, 42 00:01:51,156 --> 00:01:52,391 would anyone have any? 43 00:01:52,391 --> 00:01:54,328 I'm in for a wing. What's the occasion? 44 00:01:54,428 --> 00:01:56,299 I just found out the brewery's closing 45 00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,969 so they can turn it into the kind of workplace 46 00:01:57,969 --> 00:01:59,840 you only see on TV shows. 47 00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:01,611 Work's been crazy for me, too. 48 00:02:01,611 --> 00:02:03,681 We have this case-- guy died on his birthday, 49 00:02:03,681 --> 00:02:05,552 and-- get this-- his family had gotten him 50 00:02:05,552 --> 00:02:06,554 an ice cream cake. 51 00:02:06,554 --> 00:02:08,558 You know, the kind with ice cream inside 52 00:02:08,558 --> 00:02:09,793 as the cake part? 53 00:02:11,530 --> 00:02:14,234 Wild stuff. So I'm at the scene... 54 00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,206 This story is already too complicated and boring. 55 00:02:16,206 --> 00:02:17,341 Peter, take over. 56 00:02:17,341 --> 00:02:19,078 My Amazon guy once delivered batteries 57 00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:21,349 - to Pat Sajak. - No way! 58 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,588 How did he know there were batteries in the box? 59 00:02:23,721 --> 00:02:24,790 You know, whenever they ship a battery, 60 00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:27,060 they got to put that little warning label on the box? 61 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,429 That's how. 62 00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:30,601 It could've just been something with a battery in it. 63 00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:32,438 No, he said he shook it real hard. 64 00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:34,576 I-I think the focus of this story is 65 00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:36,614 more Pat Sajak than the battery part. 66 00:02:36,714 --> 00:02:40,521 Hold on. There's no way that story was better than mine. 67 00:02:42,559 --> 00:02:44,597 Hey, Brian. What's all this? 68 00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:46,499 Oh, just following in the rich tradition 69 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,103 of Hemingway and Faulkner 70 00:02:48,103 --> 00:02:49,807 and putting a little damage on the old liver. 71 00:02:49,907 --> 00:02:51,242 Another rosé, Brian? 72 00:02:51,342 --> 00:02:52,512 Put a spritz on it. 73 00:02:52,512 --> 00:02:56,352 So, is, uh, watching TikToks of underage girls 74 00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:58,456 also part of your writing process? 75 00:02:58,456 --> 00:03:01,697 The best writing happens when you're not actually writing. 76 00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:03,767 I just wish my muse would speak to me. 77 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,607 I'm having a tough time finding an idea for my next novel. 78 00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:10,113 Well, I'd tell you about one of my murder cases, 79 00:03:10,113 --> 00:03:12,484 but apparently I'm a bad storyteller. 80 00:03:12,585 --> 00:03:15,525 - Murder case? - Oh, yeah, we had one last year. 81 00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:17,762 All signs pointed to the husband. 82 00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:19,533 - What happened? - It was the husband. 83 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,071 You know, we have a whole file of cases in Quahog 84 00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:24,074 that would make great stories. 85 00:03:24,175 --> 00:03:26,513 A lot of murdered women out there, Bri. 86 00:03:26,513 --> 00:03:28,717 Half of them named Britney, half of them named Lacey. 87 00:03:28,717 --> 00:03:31,256 That's one piece of advice I always give young parents: 88 00:03:31,356 --> 00:03:33,059 don't name them Britney or Lacey. 89 00:03:33,059 --> 00:03:34,295 Yeah, sad stuff. 90 00:03:34,395 --> 00:03:36,232 You know, true crime is huge right now. 91 00:03:36,232 --> 00:03:37,669 You could be sitting on a gold mine. 92 00:03:37,669 --> 00:03:38,904 A gold mine, huh? 93 00:03:38,904 --> 00:03:42,477 And this whole day I thought it was just a smushed dook. 94 00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:47,321 ANNOUNCER We now return to Curb Your Enthusiasm, 95 00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:50,795 where Jeff Garlin just repeats everything Larry says. 96 00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:52,732 So, I put on the shirt. 97 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,603 You put on the shirt! 98 00:03:54,703 --> 00:03:56,005 I paid for it. 99 00:03:56,005 --> 00:03:57,708 You paid for it! 100 00:03:57,809 --> 00:04:00,114 I'm starting to think you're, uh, 101 00:04:00,214 --> 00:04:02,084 the weakest link in the cast. 102 00:04:02,084 --> 00:04:04,690 Easily the weakest link! 103 00:04:04,690 --> 00:04:07,428 Peter, the bank called to say we're overdrawn, 104 00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,432 and the credit card company sent us a letter 105 00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:11,703 that just says: "Bitch better have my money." 106 00:04:11,703 --> 00:04:12,939 Visa sent that? 107 00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:14,609 God, they can do whatever they want in Delaware. 108 00:04:14,609 --> 00:04:16,680 Thanks for nothing, Sleepy Joe. 109 00:04:16,780 --> 00:04:19,452 I wonder if this has anything to do with me not getting paid 110 00:04:19,452 --> 00:04:21,188 during the brewery renovations. 111 00:04:21,288 --> 00:04:23,327 Wh-What do you mean "not getting paid"? 112 00:04:23,327 --> 00:04:25,330 Well, Preston said we're all transitioning 113 00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:26,967 to being independent contractors. 114 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,071 The downside is we're losing our health insurance, 115 00:04:29,071 --> 00:04:32,044 but there's gonna be a pinball machine in the break room. 116 00:04:32,044 --> 00:04:33,915 Peter, we can't afford to go two months 117 00:04:33,915 --> 00:04:35,383 without your paycheck. 118 00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:37,822 You're gonna have to find a job in the meantime. 119 00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:40,795 Lois, don't worry. I got it all figured out. 120 00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:54,188 "Dear Mr. Griffin, we regret to inform you 121 00:04:54,321 --> 00:04:56,593 that we cannot offer you a space." 122 00:04:57,461 --> 00:05:00,501 Another big dance check in the mail. 123 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:04,475 I was just five years away from three figures a month. 124 00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:13,326 Joe, this stuff is great. 125 00:05:13,427 --> 00:05:15,631 Yep, one man's murdered, estranged wife 126 00:05:15,631 --> 00:05:16,900 is another man's treasure. 127 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,340 Brian, I'm gonna have to ask you to put down the severed limb. 128 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,077 I brought this from home. 129 00:05:22,178 --> 00:05:24,015 Drop it. Drop it! 130 00:05:24,015 --> 00:05:27,220 Ah, damn it, you said "drop it," so now I got to drop it. 131 00:05:27,321 --> 00:05:30,126 You know, we should team up and write a true crime novel. 132 00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:31,362 You don't happen to have any cases 133 00:05:31,362 --> 00:05:33,232 featuring pretty blonde women, do you? 134 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,803 No, those get solved pretty quickly. 135 00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:37,976 This victim was brunette and a little heavy. 136 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,546 Okay, getting warmer. 137 00:05:39,546 --> 00:05:42,384 We'll just change a few key details so people care. 138 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,388 Gutierrez? Nope, Gordon. 139 00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,359 Murdered on an Indian reservation? 140 00:05:46,359 --> 00:05:47,762 Let's try Beverly Hills. 141 00:05:47,895 --> 00:05:50,602 I'm thinking we go novel, podcast, docuseries, 142 00:05:50,602 --> 00:05:52,505 then full-blown blockbuster. 143 00:05:52,505 --> 00:05:55,310 But we'd also be doing this for the families, right? 144 00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:56,780 Is that a new streaming platform? 145 00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:58,851 No, like, the families of the victims? 146 00:05:58,851 --> 00:05:59,853 Oh, right. Yeah, sure. 147 00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:02,424 In fact, we'll give them a sliver of the proceeds. 148 00:06:02,559 --> 00:06:04,529 And I'll give the fictional version 149 00:06:04,529 --> 00:06:06,132 of their daughter bigger boobs. 150 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,802 Like-like real heavy naturals. 151 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:11,041 Oh, yeah, that sounds like a good compromise. 152 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,720 Your special cart, Mrs. G. 153 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,358 Just gave the wheels a fresh coat of WD-40. 154 00:06:19,358 --> 00:06:21,963 Why, thank you, James. 155 00:06:22,899 --> 00:06:26,005 Oh, Roberto, if you weren't missing half an arm, 156 00:06:26,105 --> 00:06:27,542 I'd definitely consider it. 157 00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:30,080 Oh, how's the 6029s today, hmm? 158 00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:32,552 Oh, Mrs. Lois, very fresh. 159 00:06:32,552 --> 00:06:34,321 What's she talking about, Mommy? 160 00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:36,159 Kale, dear. 161 00:06:36,159 --> 00:06:38,764 It's insider speak for kale. 162 00:06:44,441 --> 00:06:46,212 That can't possibly be a thing. 163 00:06:46,212 --> 00:06:48,884 Let me just find someone to make sure. 164 00:06:51,222 --> 00:06:54,529 Oh, looks like someone got pulled from the night shift 165 00:06:54,529 --> 00:06:57,501 'cause I've never seen this free sample. 166 00:06:58,737 --> 00:07:01,175 - Peter?! - MAN Ladies and gentlemen, 167 00:07:01,276 --> 00:07:02,879 we have a plot twist on aisle four. 168 00:07:03,013 --> 00:07:05,685 I'm the assistant manager who thinks work should be fun, 169 00:07:05,685 --> 00:07:07,855 and definitely not a corporate spy 170 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:09,593 here to keep unions from forming. 171 00:07:09,693 --> 00:07:11,262 But now that we're talking about it, 172 00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:12,899 can you imagine if you had a grievance 173 00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,869 and couldn't talk to me directly? 174 00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:16,372 Anyway, I'm Elliot, 175 00:07:16,372 --> 00:07:17,842 and I'm paying close attention 176 00:07:17,842 --> 00:07:20,146 to who posts what on the break room cork board. 177 00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:27,762 Peter, what are you doing here? 178 00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:29,498 You told me to get a job, and they were hiring. 179 00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:30,635 I love it here! 180 00:07:30,735 --> 00:07:31,570 Plus, they let me joke around 181 00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:33,874 with the Wells Fargo guys who work here. 182 00:07:33,974 --> 00:07:36,746 Yes, I'd like to make a deposit, please. 183 00:07:36,746 --> 00:07:39,653 Is it another 100 Grand chocolate bar? 184 00:07:39,653 --> 00:07:41,623 Okay, so I've had you before. 185 00:07:41,623 --> 00:07:44,562 Peter, the grocery store is kind of my domain. 186 00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:46,398 While I'm glad you got a job, 187 00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:48,336 I don't love that you got one here. 188 00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:49,806 Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here. 189 00:07:49,906 --> 00:07:51,376 Unless you're near the front door, 190 00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:53,179 which I can open with the Force. 191 00:07:53,179 --> 00:07:55,350 Excuse me, where are the peanuts? 192 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,787 Aisle seven. 193 00:07:56,887 --> 00:07:58,790 Peter, peanuts are on aisle two. 194 00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:00,126 Eh, I just tell 'em whatever number, 195 00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:02,665 and then I disappear into the produce mist. 196 00:08:04,434 --> 00:08:05,971 Peter? Peter? 197 00:08:05,971 --> 00:08:10,881 PETER There was never Peter, only loose carrots. 198 00:08:13,688 --> 00:08:16,693 The body was discovered around 9:00 p.m. 199 00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:19,498 Unfortunately, I couldn't make it down to the crime scene 200 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,202 because there were no ramps. 201 00:08:21,202 --> 00:08:22,639 Okay, I'm gonna write: 202 00:08:22,639 --> 00:08:24,609 "Tonight, all the streets in this town 203 00:08:24,609 --> 00:08:26,079 were a dead end." 204 00:08:26,079 --> 00:08:27,548 I never saw the body. 205 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,786 It was cold, so they sent me on a coffee run. 206 00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,790 My lap can accommodate two trays, 207 00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,527 and I can't feel the spills. 208 00:08:33,627 --> 00:08:36,633 "She was found in a creek, her bosoms frozen solid." 209 00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:40,173 She was a heavyset 60-something in welder's coveralls. 210 00:08:40,173 --> 00:08:42,846 "No one from Beverly Hills had ever been strangled 211 00:08:42,846 --> 00:08:45,083 by their own cheerleader skirt before." 212 00:08:46,352 --> 00:08:49,224 Wow, I can't believe I'm seeing how the sausage is made. 213 00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:52,698 Hey, so when you open a book and you see "Random House," 214 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,836 is that something we come up with? 215 00:08:54,836 --> 00:08:57,575 Uh, no, that's-that's the publisher's name. 216 00:08:57,675 --> 00:08:59,779 I see. Just drinking it all in. 217 00:08:59,779 --> 00:09:01,917 And what about the list of cities you see under that name? 218 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:05,223 Because I was thinking we should put New York, Paris, Kokomo. 219 00:09:05,223 --> 00:09:07,795 Those are just the cities where the publisher has offices. 220 00:09:07,795 --> 00:09:09,700 And Kokomo isn't a real city, Joe. 221 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,703 Try telling The Beach Boys that. 222 00:09:11,703 --> 00:09:14,208 I don't know what our title should be yet, but beneath it, 223 00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:17,014 it should say: "Soon to be a major motion picture." 224 00:09:17,114 --> 00:09:19,451 I always buy the book when I see that. 225 00:09:19,451 --> 00:09:20,888 Why don't we just focus on the writing? 226 00:09:20,988 --> 00:09:22,424 Oh, hey, you ever see books 227 00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:24,461 where the edges of the pages are gold? 228 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:26,966 - Yeah? - So cool. 229 00:09:32,244 --> 00:09:33,680 What is going on in here? 230 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,718 Who put price tags on all the cans? 231 00:09:35,718 --> 00:09:37,822 And why is everything labeled 69 cents? 232 00:09:37,922 --> 00:09:41,329 PETER Griffin Family Grocery is currently under renovation. 233 00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,466 Please excuse our dust. 234 00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,170 Peter? Where are you? 235 00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,508 Staring at butts from behind a one-way mirror. 236 00:09:47,508 --> 00:09:49,378 And why'd you rearrange everything? 237 00:09:49,478 --> 00:09:51,049 I just want to find my vitamins. 238 00:09:51,149 --> 00:09:53,587 Cupboard four. No, that's cupboard seven. 239 00:09:53,587 --> 00:09:55,390 No, wrong way. 240 00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:57,595 I'm not... Is it warmer or colder? 241 00:09:57,595 --> 00:09:59,765 Cupboard four. Cupboard four. 242 00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:04,642 Ma'am, don't worry, this happens all the time. 243 00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,412 I'm sure you have your receipt. 244 00:10:06,412 --> 00:10:08,215 What? No, I don't have a receipt. 245 00:10:08,215 --> 00:10:10,487 Okay, then, we're just gonna go to the office, 246 00:10:10,621 --> 00:10:13,894 call your parents, and send you on your way. 247 00:10:15,129 --> 00:10:17,602 - Daddy, I just... - There are gonna be some changes around here. 248 00:10:17,602 --> 00:10:19,606 First off, no more lipstick. 249 00:10:19,606 --> 00:10:22,410 That's how all this trouble started. 250 00:10:26,653 --> 00:10:27,856 Okay, so we just need the ending. 251 00:10:27,856 --> 00:10:29,091 Who was the murderer? 252 00:10:29,091 --> 00:10:31,863 Oh, I have no idea. It's a cold case. 253 00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:34,368 That's what makes 'em cold-- no one knows how to solve 'em. 254 00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,571 Well, how do we finish our novel 255 00:10:35,571 --> 00:10:38,109 if we don't know what happened in real life? 256 00:10:38,109 --> 00:10:39,613 - Ghost cop. - No. 257 00:10:39,613 --> 00:10:40,748 Do you know what this means? 258 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,685 We're gonna put on our Sherlock Holmes hats 259 00:10:42,819 --> 00:10:44,922 and solve the murder ourselves? 260 00:10:44,922 --> 00:10:47,394 Deerstalker hats, Joe. But yes. 261 00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:50,099 Stupid nonwriter! 262 00:10:52,905 --> 00:10:54,809 Okay, Brian, now, when you're visiting 263 00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,411 the family of a deceased victim, 264 00:10:56,513 --> 00:10:58,116 you need to hold a hat over your chest. 265 00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,218 It shows you care. 266 00:10:59,318 --> 00:11:01,488 All I have is this crown from our Burger King lunch. 267 00:11:01,589 --> 00:11:02,892 Hat's a hat. 268 00:11:03,994 --> 00:11:07,000 How can I help you, Officer and Your Highness? 269 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,808 Hi, yes. We're here with many questions about your daughter. 270 00:11:10,808 --> 00:11:12,612 You know, the dead one? You-you remember her? 271 00:11:12,612 --> 00:11:14,314 We'd love any details. 272 00:11:14,314 --> 00:11:16,452 Is this some sort of sick joke? 273 00:11:16,452 --> 00:11:17,788 I assure you it's not, ma'am. 274 00:11:17,788 --> 00:11:19,559 We're writing a future hit novel 275 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:20,828 based on your daughter's murder. 276 00:11:20,928 --> 00:11:22,196 We just need to know who did it. 277 00:11:22,196 --> 00:11:24,936 And, between us, it'd be great if one of you did. 278 00:11:24,936 --> 00:11:26,673 What is this? What do you want? 279 00:11:26,673 --> 00:11:28,544 Did you know JonBenét Ramsey's dad 280 00:11:28,544 --> 00:11:31,181 dated Natalee Holloway's mom? 281 00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:32,718 What does that have to do with our case? 282 00:11:32,718 --> 00:11:34,722 Well, nothing, it's just kind of weird, right? 283 00:11:34,722 --> 00:11:37,762 Do you happen to have any grainy video footage 284 00:11:37,762 --> 00:11:40,735 of her singing an emotional song at a talent show? 285 00:11:40,735 --> 00:11:42,337 Maybe Green Day's "Time of Your Life"? 286 00:11:42,437 --> 00:11:45,343 That would really bust this project wide open for us. 287 00:11:45,477 --> 00:11:47,447 You're both unwell. 288 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,320 Well, that was a bust. 289 00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:52,825 Sorry, I've been holding this in since Burger King. 290 00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:54,996 Oh, seriously? You're just gonna leave that there? 291 00:11:55,096 --> 00:11:57,768 These people have suffered a terrible loss. 292 00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,073 At least cover it with leaves or something. 293 00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:01,509 Ugh, fine. 294 00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,054 Joe, look. I found something. 295 00:12:07,855 --> 00:12:10,260 - It's a key to a storage unit. - How do you know that? 296 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:12,798 Yeah, me and Bonnie have been doing a fun role-play thing 297 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,869 where she dresses up like a sexy maid 298 00:12:14,869 --> 00:12:18,076 and then locks me in a storage unit while guys come over. 299 00:12:18,076 --> 00:12:20,012 - Oh. - Yeah, it's pretty kinky. 300 00:12:20,112 --> 00:12:23,319 I, uh, I play the role of a sexy armoire, 301 00:12:23,319 --> 00:12:24,689 waiting in another room. 302 00:12:24,689 --> 00:12:27,595 Sounds like she just wants you out of the house for a while. 303 00:12:27,595 --> 00:12:29,999 Nah. No. 304 00:12:35,009 --> 00:12:37,080 It's okay, Lois. It's a big store. 305 00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,784 You may not even run into Peter. 306 00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,756 Good morning. How much are the mussels? 307 00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:44,094 $34 a month at Bally's Total Fitness. 308 00:12:44,094 --> 00:12:45,564 Peter? 309 00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,234 Why are you behind the fish counter? 310 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:50,373 I got a promotion, emphasis on the "otion." 311 00:12:50,473 --> 00:12:51,776 Fine. 312 00:12:51,776 --> 00:12:53,513 What do you got that's fresh? 313 00:12:53,613 --> 00:12:55,049 Well, I got a teenage son at home. 314 00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:56,953 What a mouth on that kid. 315 00:12:56,953 --> 00:12:59,826 That's it! You have ruined groceries for me! 316 00:12:59,926 --> 00:13:02,196 Get the hell out of my store, you imbecile! 317 00:13:02,196 --> 00:13:05,303 Um, excuse me, miss, did you just yell at this employee? 318 00:13:05,403 --> 00:13:06,806 You're damn right I did. 319 00:13:06,806 --> 00:13:08,944 He has no business being here. 320 00:13:08,944 --> 00:13:11,583 This man is a member of the Stop 'n Shop family. 321 00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,787 He has every business being here. 322 00:13:13,787 --> 00:13:15,958 You, on the other hand, will have to go. 323 00:13:16,058 --> 00:13:17,227 You're banned from the store. 324 00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:18,964 What? No. 325 00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,266 Y-You can't do this. 326 00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,136 I have shopped here my whole life. 327 00:13:22,237 --> 00:13:24,207 Yes, we know. If it's any consolation, 328 00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:25,978 you'll be in the "In Memoriam" section 329 00:13:26,078 --> 00:13:27,915 of the Grocery Store Oscars. 330 00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:35,965 ♪ I will remember you ♪ 331 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:42,043 ♪ Will you remember me? ♪ 332 00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:46,451 ♪ Don't let your life... ♪ 333 00:13:46,552 --> 00:13:49,425 No! No, no, no. You can't put me after Betty White. 334 00:13:49,425 --> 00:13:51,830 Didn't Brenda Vaccaro die or something? 335 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,399 No. 336 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:56,706 I live here in aisle four with the Kotex tampons. 337 00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:00,748 Still more absorbent than the leading brand. 338 00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:10,066 The worst part is, I can't even go back 339 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,937 to my favorite grocery store. 340 00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:14,542 I personally think you should give Peter a taste 341 00:14:14,675 --> 00:14:18,049 of his own medicine and get a job at his special place. 342 00:14:18,049 --> 00:14:20,053 The men's room at Logan Airport? 343 00:14:20,053 --> 00:14:21,856 No, the Drunken Clam. 344 00:14:21,856 --> 00:14:24,161 Oh, okay, 'cause he had this one experience there 345 00:14:24,261 --> 00:14:25,931 that he still talks about to this day, 346 00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:28,637 but that is an intriguing idea, Bonnie. 347 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,139 I'm glad you think so. 348 00:14:30,139 --> 00:14:32,778 Well, as white women in conversation, 349 00:14:32,778 --> 00:14:34,849 we're now obligated to spend five minutes 350 00:14:34,849 --> 00:14:36,753 talking about Sedona, Arizona. 351 00:14:36,853 --> 00:14:38,557 - Oh, I'd love to go. - I know. 352 00:14:38,557 --> 00:14:41,997 My friend Linda got a massage there after her divorce. 353 00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:44,067 And my friend Trish bought a painting there. 354 00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,539 - Oh, we got to go. - We got to go. 355 00:14:50,312 --> 00:14:53,218 Hey, you two haven't seen Peter, have you? 356 00:14:53,218 --> 00:14:55,322 Asking as a waitress trying to teach him a lesson 357 00:14:55,322 --> 00:14:57,928 by working at his favorite place, not as his wife. 358 00:14:57,928 --> 00:15:00,967 Whoa, check out the turd-cutter on the new chick. 359 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,939 That's right. I work here now. 360 00:15:03,039 --> 00:15:05,043 I'm gonna be here all the time. 361 00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:07,047 Oh, how does it feel to have someone invade 362 00:15:07,147 --> 00:15:08,784 your special space? 363 00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:09,952 It feels great! 364 00:15:10,052 --> 00:15:11,790 Speaking of invading special places, 365 00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:12,925 how about this? 366 00:15:13,025 --> 00:15:14,728 Hey, sweetie, when do you get off work? 367 00:15:14,829 --> 00:15:17,333 Me and my wife are more friends at this point than anything. 368 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,904 Don't get me wrong, she's a great gal, 369 00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:20,807 raised my children, but time takes its toll, 370 00:15:20,907 --> 00:15:21,943 you know what I mean? 371 00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:23,613 What? My wife and I have an arrangement, 372 00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:26,218 so I'm not doing anything wrong here, technically. 373 00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:28,389 Ah, well, this isn't working. 374 00:15:28,389 --> 00:15:30,561 If you want to meet me in my car later, 375 00:15:30,561 --> 00:15:33,199 it's the one with the "Blue Lives Matter" sticker. 376 00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:36,371 But, like, not for cops, it's for, it's for Grover. 377 00:15:40,614 --> 00:15:42,116 Who's going in first? 378 00:15:42,116 --> 00:15:44,487 Kind of feels like you should since you're a dog. 379 00:15:44,487 --> 00:15:45,725 Are you scared, Joe? 380 00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:47,795 Would a scared person do this? 381 00:15:47,795 --> 00:15:50,701 Not so fast. 382 00:15:52,939 --> 00:15:54,408 Who is that? 383 00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:56,512 I'm guessing it's the lady from Serial. 384 00:15:56,512 --> 00:16:00,153 Oh, I certainly wouldn't recognize a podcaster visually. 385 00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:02,792 - I'm Sarah Koenig. - Big fan of your work. 386 00:16:02,892 --> 00:16:05,564 No one turns another person's suffering into profit better. 387 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,804 Listen up, I want this case for my podcast, 388 00:16:08,804 --> 00:16:10,140 so you need to drop it. 389 00:16:10,140 --> 00:16:12,812 And if you don't, I could make you disappear. 390 00:16:12,812 --> 00:16:15,116 We're sponsored by Casper mattresses. 391 00:16:15,116 --> 00:16:17,588 That wasn't a threat. I have a code if you want it. 392 00:16:17,588 --> 00:16:19,859 Stand down, Sarah. 393 00:16:19,859 --> 00:16:21,729 I'm Keith Morrison, 394 00:16:21,830 --> 00:16:24,267 and I want this case for Dateline. 395 00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:27,774 There are only a few hundred unsolved murders left, 396 00:16:27,774 --> 00:16:31,650 and there's a million true crime content creators. 397 00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,254 My grandson taught me that term. 398 00:16:34,354 --> 00:16:37,326 Who's "okay, boomer" now? 399 00:16:38,429 --> 00:16:41,302 We're NPR's team of women with lisps 400 00:16:41,302 --> 00:16:43,405 and names nobody's ever had, 401 00:16:43,405 --> 00:16:47,314 like Sylvia Delgado-Smith, and Audie Takahashi O'Shea. 402 00:16:47,414 --> 00:16:49,417 I'm Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator, 403 00:16:49,518 --> 00:16:51,556 and I'm just here in case any of you 404 00:16:51,556 --> 00:16:52,858 turn out to be pedophiles. 405 00:16:52,858 --> 00:16:55,196 Warm chocolate chip cookie, anyone? 406 00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:57,901 No! I claimed this cold case for Serial. 407 00:16:57,901 --> 00:17:01,474 Not if I record a Dateline first. 408 00:17:28,028 --> 00:17:31,368 Please... rate and review my life. 409 00:17:31,368 --> 00:17:33,573 And someone take care of my dog 410 00:17:33,573 --> 00:17:36,746 you could usually hear in the background of my podcast. 411 00:17:41,155 --> 00:17:44,193 A foggy night at a storage unit in Quahog. 412 00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:47,100 The sleepy little town of Quahog 413 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:50,908 is usually all tucked in by 10:00 p.m. 414 00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:54,982 You know what? We're no better than them. 415 00:17:55,082 --> 00:17:56,853 We've been exploiting the victim's life 416 00:17:56,853 --> 00:17:58,388 for our own personal gain. 417 00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:00,861 I-I think it's time for us to abandon writing this book. 418 00:18:00,861 --> 00:18:05,103 Or... maybe we set it to rap lyrics and take it to Broadway? 419 00:18:05,236 --> 00:18:07,173 I think we're done here. 420 00:18:08,275 --> 00:18:10,079 You know, Joe, even though it didn't work out, 421 00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:11,883 it was nice to spend some time with someone 422 00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:13,486 who actually believed in my writing. 423 00:18:13,486 --> 00:18:17,360 Well, as someone who's never read a book, I absolutely do. 424 00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:24,107 The waitress from the Clam! Holy crap, has Lois seen you?! 425 00:18:24,107 --> 00:18:25,242 We really don't have an arrangement. 426 00:18:25,342 --> 00:18:26,244 You got to get out of here! 427 00:18:26,345 --> 00:18:27,815 Oh, Peter, enough. 428 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,086 - What's the matter? - You wouldn't understand. 429 00:18:30,086 --> 00:18:32,423 Okay. 430 00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:35,864 I'd get back in there, chief. 431 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,404 Chris made me come back. 432 00:18:39,404 --> 00:18:41,843 Oh, honey, the grocery store isn't just 433 00:18:41,843 --> 00:18:43,980 where I buy food for the family. 434 00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:45,316 It's my escape. 435 00:18:45,316 --> 00:18:47,386 My refuge from being pestered 436 00:18:47,386 --> 00:18:49,090 with dumb questions from the kids, 437 00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:50,827 or having to clean up your messes. 438 00:18:50,827 --> 00:18:54,167 Sometimes, just a stroll down the ethnic food aisle 439 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,673 makes me feel like I'm in a North African bazaar. 440 00:18:56,773 --> 00:18:58,710 Yeah, I don't like the smells on that aisle. 441 00:18:58,843 --> 00:19:02,016 - And I don't know, it's hard to explain, but... - There's more?! 442 00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,722 It's not just a grocery store to me. 443 00:19:04,722 --> 00:19:06,893 There's a whole community of people there 444 00:19:06,893 --> 00:19:08,395 who feel like family. 445 00:19:08,395 --> 00:19:10,867 And now, now I have nothing. 446 00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:15,076 Aw, Lois, I'm so sorry for ruining your happy place. 447 00:19:15,076 --> 00:19:16,746 And I'm gonna take care of it. 448 00:19:16,746 --> 00:19:19,351 Just like I've been taking care of that egg since high school. 449 00:19:19,484 --> 00:19:22,456 Oh, my God, I forgot to pick him up from soccer practice! 450 00:19:23,191 --> 00:19:26,264 Hey, do you need me to call your yolks? 451 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,640 Look, you got to let Lois come back. 452 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,312 Please remove the ban. She loves this place. 453 00:19:33,312 --> 00:19:34,314 I'm sorry, but I can't do that. 454 00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:36,753 She yelled at a mentally-challenged person, 455 00:19:36,753 --> 00:19:37,922 and that's unforgivable. 456 00:19:38,055 --> 00:19:39,457 What? I'm not mentally challenged. 457 00:19:39,457 --> 00:19:41,361 You're not? But that's literally 458 00:19:41,361 --> 00:19:43,331 the only reason we hired you. 459 00:19:43,331 --> 00:19:46,839 Would a mentally challenged person be able to do this? 460 00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:53,219 Your name tag says "Big Petey." 461 00:19:53,219 --> 00:19:55,490 Why do you think we all gather round 462 00:19:55,591 --> 00:19:57,092 and applaud you while you ride 463 00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:58,863 the coin-operated horse out front? 464 00:19:58,863 --> 00:20:00,233 'Cause I'm good at horses? 465 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,638 Wow. I really thought... 466 00:20:02,638 --> 00:20:04,909 You know, we don't let all our employees insist 467 00:20:05,009 --> 00:20:07,848 the customers feel their muscles after bagging their order. 468 00:20:07,848 --> 00:20:09,083 Right? 469 00:20:09,183 --> 00:20:10,285 Okay, fine. 470 00:20:10,386 --> 00:20:12,256 Lois can come back, but you're fired. 471 00:20:12,256 --> 00:20:14,127 I need you to turn in your gun and badge. 472 00:20:14,261 --> 00:20:16,699 Well, I guess my work here is done. 473 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,468 To the Mickey-Copter! 474 00:20:21,141 --> 00:20:22,276 See, Disney? 475 00:20:22,276 --> 00:20:24,447 Nothing here but respectful synergy. 476 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,537 What happened to the open floor plan? 477 00:20:35,637 --> 00:20:38,441 Long story. The WeWork guy took our entire budget 478 00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:40,814 for the project as a holiday bonus. 479 00:20:40,814 --> 00:20:42,952 But he has long hair and speaks confidently 480 00:20:42,952 --> 00:20:44,121 about the Internet, 481 00:20:44,121 --> 00:20:46,125 so he will get about eight more chances. 482 00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:48,797 Ah, yes, the WeWork guy. 483 00:20:48,797 --> 00:20:53,272 They thought he had created a $47 billion unicorn. 484 00:20:53,272 --> 00:20:56,679 Turns out it was only a two-bit donkey. 485 00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:58,716 That's wet paint, by the way. 486 00:20:59,685 --> 00:21:00,987 Ah, son of a...