1 00:00:02,471 --> 00:00:04,609 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,609 --> 00:00:07,816 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,949 --> 00:00:11,724 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,724 --> 00:00:14,730 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:18,170 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,170 --> 00:00:21,342 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,080 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:24,348 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,448 --> 00:00:30,293 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy. ♪ 10 00:00:37,876 --> 00:00:39,813 I... I don't get it. 11 00:00:39,813 --> 00:00:41,182 You thought this was gonna be 12 00:00:41,282 --> 00:00:43,621 the flea circus from Coraline, didn't you? 13 00:00:43,621 --> 00:00:46,259 I'm cursed with optimism. 14 00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:52,572 Oh, yous got a good eye. 15 00:00:52,572 --> 00:00:55,077 That there's a "Little Ms. Wedgewood" set. 16 00:00:57,782 --> 00:01:00,622 ♪ This is my handle, this is my spout ♪ 17 00:01:00,722 --> 00:01:02,692 Well, all the parts seem to be in the right places. 18 00:01:02,692 --> 00:01:04,629 I'll take it. 19 00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:08,269 Holy crap, a vintage Mr. Potato Head 20 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,808 from the good old days when potatoes were men 21 00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:11,944 and had penises. 22 00:01:11,944 --> 00:01:13,581 Peter, they never had penises. 23 00:01:13,581 --> 00:01:15,818 Well, you could put a nose down there and it kind of worked. 24 00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:17,822 The nostrils were balls, and... 25 00:01:17,822 --> 00:01:19,125 and so forth. 26 00:01:19,225 --> 00:01:21,564 That's the very potato I used in medical school 27 00:01:21,564 --> 00:01:24,101 to learn anatomy. I could let it go for 600. 28 00:01:24,101 --> 00:01:26,105 What are we thinking, Lois? Yes? 29 00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,109 No, we don't have that kind of money. 30 00:01:28,243 --> 00:01:30,749 Fine, I'll buy it with my magic beans. 31 00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:32,351 Those are Skittles. 32 00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:35,858 There's no room in this world for dreamers anymore. 33 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,336 Everything okay, Dad? 34 00:01:41,336 --> 00:01:43,474 Just adult stuff, buddy. 35 00:01:43,474 --> 00:01:46,847 Mom wouldn't let me buy a toy I wanted. 36 00:01:48,416 --> 00:01:50,386 Do you own a home, but can't afford 37 00:01:50,521 --> 00:01:53,093 the things you need to make your life more comfortable? 38 00:01:53,093 --> 00:01:55,130 Yes. Wait, is that... 39 00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:56,801 Hi, I'm Tom Selleck. 40 00:01:56,901 --> 00:02:00,407 Ask your nurse to turn down your breathing machine for a minute 41 00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:02,545 so I can tell you how a reverse mortgage 42 00:02:02,545 --> 00:02:04,883 from "Hey, Alright. Reverse Mortgages," 43 00:02:04,883 --> 00:02:06,621 or "HARM," can help you. 44 00:02:06,621 --> 00:02:07,822 This seems like a trick. 45 00:02:07,922 --> 00:02:12,131 I know this seems like a trick, but it's not a trick. 46 00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:13,333 Oh, that's nice to hear. 47 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,837 But is this his first rodeo? 48 00:02:14,837 --> 00:02:17,441 Look, this isn't my first rodeo. 49 00:02:17,543 --> 00:02:19,312 And I wouldn't be here if I thought 50 00:02:19,312 --> 00:02:21,550 reverse mortgages would hurt anyone. 51 00:02:21,650 --> 00:02:23,821 Well, I certainly believe Magnum P.I., 52 00:02:23,821 --> 00:02:25,991 but it's easy to say this stuff fully standing up. 53 00:02:25,991 --> 00:02:29,365 I wonder if he can half-lean on a fence post and say it? 54 00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:33,439 Do you really want your adult kids 55 00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:36,012 fighting over your money after you're gone? 56 00:02:36,012 --> 00:02:37,949 Isn't it better to spend it all now 57 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,787 so they don't have that option? 58 00:02:39,787 --> 00:02:42,558 He's making good points. I'll just run this by Lois. 59 00:02:42,558 --> 00:02:45,497 Men, please don't run things by your wives. 60 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:49,204 Just go to ".." I'm kidding. 61 00:02:49,204 --> 00:02:51,811 Here's a phone number as big as we can put it. 62 00:02:51,911 --> 00:02:54,182 I'm getting my Mr. Potato Head. 63 00:02:54,182 --> 00:02:56,352 But that is a lot of numbers to dial. 64 00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:58,323 If that's too many numbers to dial, 65 00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:01,062 just say, "Siri, I'm old." 66 00:03:01,062 --> 00:03:02,431 Siri, I'm old. 67 00:03:02,431 --> 00:03:04,869 Dialing reverse mortgage company. 68 00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:11,415 Stewie? What is all this stuff? 69 00:03:11,415 --> 00:03:14,856 It turns out Rupert only likes "Peppa Pig" branded tea sets, 70 00:03:14,956 --> 00:03:16,159 which honestly, I get. 71 00:03:16,159 --> 00:03:18,931 So I sold my tea set at twice what I paid, 72 00:03:18,931 --> 00:03:20,234 then I bought more stuff to sell. 73 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,037 Really? Was it worth that much? 74 00:03:22,138 --> 00:03:25,177 Oh, sweetie, people have no clue what antiques are worth, 75 00:03:25,177 --> 00:03:26,746 so you just act like you know. 76 00:03:26,746 --> 00:03:29,384 I actually got a booth at the flea market next weekend. 77 00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:31,388 I have to say, I'm weirdly impressed. 78 00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:33,727 Yes, who would've thought a strange little guy like me 79 00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:37,368 could get super into tiny details of old furniture. 80 00:03:37,368 --> 00:03:38,904 Well, if you need any help, I'm in. 81 00:03:38,904 --> 00:03:40,240 All right. 82 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,576 - Is that... - Yes, most antiques 83 00:03:41,576 --> 00:03:44,917 are just racist old packaging from iconic companies. 84 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:46,988 Well, mostly syrup companies. 85 00:03:46,988 --> 00:03:48,289 Wow, that's very racist. 86 00:03:48,289 --> 00:03:51,362 Yep. Whole-blurry-shelf racist. 87 00:03:55,638 --> 00:03:57,676 I'm Mr. Kiki, the swim teacher 88 00:03:57,676 --> 00:04:00,681 who doesn't have a pool and drives very far 89 00:04:00,681 --> 00:04:03,687 to other people's pools for lessons. 90 00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:07,896 After this lesson, I sit at Panera Bread 91 00:04:07,896 --> 00:04:09,064 until traffic dies down. 92 00:04:09,064 --> 00:04:10,535 Panera Bread. 93 00:04:10,535 --> 00:04:12,237 Where swim teachers from other towns 94 00:04:12,237 --> 00:04:13,607 wait out traffic. 95 00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:16,313 Oh, my God, is that the expensive Mr. Potato Head 96 00:04:16,313 --> 00:04:17,615 from the flea market? 97 00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:19,619 I told you we couldn't afford that. 98 00:04:19,619 --> 00:04:21,189 Don't worry, I got a ton of money. 99 00:04:21,289 --> 00:04:23,326 I even bought a Jet Ski in Lake Havasu 100 00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:24,562 in case I ever get out there. 101 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,403 ♪ Spend all your time waiting... ♪ 102 00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:31,743 Every year, over 9,000 people 103 00:04:31,843 --> 00:04:35,585 buy Jet Skis and then leave them at Lake Havasu. 104 00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:39,726 Last year, over 700 Jet Skis were rescued 105 00:04:39,726 --> 00:04:42,832 and sent to some of the trashier Wisconsin lakes 106 00:04:42,832 --> 00:04:46,439 where tiny-teeth families gave them new lives. 107 00:04:46,439 --> 00:04:50,480 For hundreds of others, help came too late. 108 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,418 Where did you get all this money? 109 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:54,488 It was easy. I took out a reverse mortgage, 110 00:04:54,589 --> 00:04:56,826 which is that thing where your house gives you free money. 111 00:04:56,826 --> 00:04:59,364 Peter, how could you be so stupid? 112 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,170 Reverse mortgages are a total scam. 113 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:04,308 You need to call the bank right away. 114 00:05:04,308 --> 00:05:06,478 And take that Mr. Potato Head back. 115 00:05:06,579 --> 00:05:09,819 I can't. I wrote "Best Spuds 4 Life" all over the box. 116 00:05:09,819 --> 00:05:12,692 I almost love the box as much as the guy now. 117 00:05:12,692 --> 00:05:14,763 Peter, we could lose our house! 118 00:05:14,863 --> 00:05:17,835 Relax, Lois. Tom Selleck made a whole video about that 119 00:05:17,835 --> 00:05:20,341 for the wives, wearing his signature short shorts. 120 00:05:20,341 --> 00:05:21,944 Hello, wives. I'm... 121 00:05:21,944 --> 00:05:23,346 Sold. 122 00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:28,423 Now the bank is saying we could lose the house. 123 00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:30,829 I can't believe I got duped by Tom Selleck. 124 00:05:30,829 --> 00:05:32,532 Tom Selleck? 125 00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,103 Well, there's a name I haven't heard in years. 126 00:05:35,237 --> 00:05:37,609 Mayor Wild West, you know Tom Selleck? 127 00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:40,682 Oh, I used to. Many moons ago. 128 00:05:40,682 --> 00:05:41,783 How many? 129 00:05:41,783 --> 00:05:43,453 - Many. - Wow. 130 00:05:43,453 --> 00:05:46,258 If you fellas would allow me to jaw at you a minute, 131 00:05:46,358 --> 00:05:47,929 I'll spin you a yarn. 132 00:05:48,029 --> 00:05:50,768 Back when we grew younger men's mustaches, 133 00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,005 me and Tom carved ourselves out a niche 134 00:05:53,005 --> 00:05:57,715 as a hippie country duo called "Cold Hard 'Stache." 135 00:05:57,815 --> 00:06:00,487 ♪ See a penny, pick it up ♪ 136 00:06:00,588 --> 00:06:02,559 ♪ All the day you'll have to look ♪ 137 00:06:02,559 --> 00:06:05,430 ♪ For its rightful owner ♪ 138 00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:07,367 ♪ That's an honorable day ♪ 139 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:11,843 ♪ Looking for its rightful owner. ♪ 140 00:06:16,654 --> 00:06:19,559 Yeah, we were the talk of one corner of town. 141 00:06:19,559 --> 00:06:22,497 But as is often the case in these tales, 142 00:06:22,497 --> 00:06:24,435 drugs entered the picture, 143 00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:26,540 and when that trouble arrived, 144 00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,443 well, let's just say Ol' Tom 145 00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:30,213 offered it a place to set down. 146 00:06:30,314 --> 00:06:33,185 You're playing with fire, Kemosabe. 147 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:44,275 The next day he wrote a song called "Walk This Way 148 00:06:44,275 --> 00:06:49,920 ..." 149 00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,289 And that's when I knew, 150 00:06:51,289 --> 00:06:53,660 the One-A-Day Demon had got him. 151 00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:57,569 In the end, one-a-day was merely a suggestion. 152 00:06:57,569 --> 00:07:00,675 Nearest I can reckon, he was up to nine or ten a week. 153 00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:04,215 Anyhow, hearing he's peddling reverse mortgages now 154 00:07:04,315 --> 00:07:05,718 sounds about right. 155 00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:07,588 Do you know what a reverse mortgage is? 156 00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:09,726 Nearest I can figure, it's a loan 157 00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:11,128 that enables the borrower 158 00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:14,569 to access the unencumbered value of their property. 159 00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:16,574 That sounds kind of slick. 160 00:07:16,674 --> 00:07:19,444 Well, the rub is if you can't pay it back, 161 00:07:19,545 --> 00:07:21,449 they can snatch your abode. 162 00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:23,921 That strikes me as predatory. 163 00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:25,190 Why would Tom do this? 164 00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,593 He should know better. 165 00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:29,431 You see, having a mustache is a sacred oath. 166 00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,069 I have a mustache. 167 00:07:31,069 --> 00:07:32,103 I'm proud of you. 168 00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:33,841 He can't do this to people. 169 00:07:33,841 --> 00:07:36,245 I am gonna track him down and get the money back. 170 00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:37,716 Mr. Mayor, you're coming with me. 171 00:07:37,716 --> 00:07:40,521 Oh, I'm afraid those days are behind me. 172 00:07:40,621 --> 00:07:43,393 But I wish you the best of luck. 173 00:07:43,493 --> 00:07:45,063 That's fine, I'll go it alone, 174 00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:47,535 just like Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. 175 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:50,440 Sir, your millions from Netflix 176 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,311 for no one knows what. 177 00:07:52,311 --> 00:07:53,947 Put it with the rest of them. 178 00:07:55,049 --> 00:07:57,421 Babe, time to do our daily 179 00:07:57,421 --> 00:08:01,129 $250,000 sponsored Instagram post 180 00:08:01,229 --> 00:08:02,899 for Del Taco. 181 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,238 Oh, I shouldn't have left the made-up nonsense. 182 00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:10,915 Well, I'm off to New York City 183 00:08:10,915 --> 00:08:13,052 to find Tom Selleck and get our money back. 184 00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:14,923 How do you even know he's in New York? 185 00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:17,026 'Cause he's on CBS's loudest show, 186 00:08:17,026 --> 00:08:18,797 Blue Bloods, and they film there. 187 00:08:18,797 --> 00:08:20,801 No, Peter, you're not going anywhere. 188 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,272 Even for you, this is an absurd plan. 189 00:08:23,272 --> 00:08:25,243 Ain't nothin' absurd about this. 190 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,414 - Ma'am. - Sold. 191 00:08:27,414 --> 00:08:29,418 Mr. Mayor. You came. 192 00:08:29,418 --> 00:08:31,756 That's right. The only thing that can stop 193 00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:34,996 a bad guy with a mustache is a good guy with a mustache. 194 00:08:35,096 --> 00:08:38,135 So hop on up, we're taking a trip. 195 00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:44,081 I can't believe we're going to New York City. 196 00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:46,418 I've always wanted to see the Twin Towers. 197 00:08:48,189 --> 00:08:49,859 When? 198 00:08:59,245 --> 00:09:00,814 Look, it's Billy Joel. 199 00:09:00,914 --> 00:09:03,452 Uhp, no, it's just a drywall guy dressed up for church. 200 00:09:03,452 --> 00:09:07,328 So, is that whole retail establishment just M&Ms? 201 00:09:07,328 --> 00:09:08,697 Yes, and bad jackets. 202 00:09:08,697 --> 00:09:11,002 Like, so bad that Sinbad wouldn't even wear them. 203 00:09:11,002 --> 00:09:13,974 Not sure I quite understand New York City. 204 00:09:13,974 --> 00:09:15,945 Oh, well, this is just TV New York. 205 00:09:15,945 --> 00:09:18,817 You can tell 'cause all the cab drivers are impossibly white. 206 00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:21,021 I call this place "the big city," 207 00:09:21,121 --> 00:09:23,961 so you know I've been here a while. 208 00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:29,405 Mr. Mayor, allow me to show you my New York. 209 00:09:29,405 --> 00:09:32,845 Your New York is an ESPN Zone? 210 00:09:32,845 --> 00:09:35,584 I-I don't know, I like all the screens. 211 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,022 Peter, look at this. 212 00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:40,961 Black hair dye. 213 00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,838 We follow this trail, we find Selleck, 214 00:09:45,838 --> 00:09:49,144 or possibly Papa John or Rudy Giuliani, 215 00:09:49,144 --> 00:09:52,250 but that's a risk we're gonna have to take. 216 00:09:57,962 --> 00:10:00,300 Brian, time to teach you my techniques. 217 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,670 Watch and learn. 218 00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:03,073 You have a good eye. 219 00:10:03,073 --> 00:10:05,343 I just sold a piece by the same artist for 40. 220 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,915 - Lie. - That's a little out of my budget. 221 00:10:07,915 --> 00:10:11,122 Well, I'd like 30, but I'd take 25. 222 00:10:11,122 --> 00:10:13,727 Lowest I could let it go for is 20. 223 00:10:13,727 --> 00:10:14,929 Would you take 11? 224 00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:16,900 Well the frame alone is worth 30. 225 00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,369 Highest I can do is 12. 226 00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:19,673 Okay, but you got to pay me 227 00:10:19,673 --> 00:10:21,375 before my wife gets back from the bathroom. 228 00:10:21,475 --> 00:10:23,412 She's gonna kill me over this price. 229 00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:27,922 That's the dance. Give it a try. 230 00:10:28,022 --> 00:10:30,528 Hi, there, uh, how much for this vase? 231 00:10:30,528 --> 00:10:32,430 Five. 232 00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,633 What the hell was that? 233 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,103 That's not the dance, man. 234 00:10:35,103 --> 00:10:37,173 You got to put your hands up higher, move around a bit. 235 00:10:37,273 --> 00:10:38,644 My dance is the tango. 236 00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:40,179 You got to find yours. Go ahead. 237 00:10:40,179 --> 00:10:42,685 - Stewie, I'm not doing thi... - Find your dance! 238 00:10:42,819 --> 00:10:44,221 A Bolero man. 239 00:10:44,321 --> 00:10:46,527 Little dirty, but nobody's gonna bleed. 240 00:10:46,627 --> 00:10:49,264 You feel that? That's the bluff. 241 00:10:49,264 --> 00:10:50,500 I thought it was "the dance." 242 00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,837 Right, but at some point, 243 00:10:51,837 --> 00:10:53,707 the dance becomes the bluff. 244 00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:55,678 Are you just making all this up as you go? 245 00:10:55,678 --> 00:10:57,347 That's the dance, Bri. 246 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,588 All right, Brian, follow my lead. 247 00:11:00,688 --> 00:11:02,324 "Van Blunder" time. 248 00:11:02,457 --> 00:11:04,161 Ooh, how much for this? 249 00:11:04,161 --> 00:11:04,962 You're gonna hate me. 250 00:11:05,062 --> 00:11:06,465 So, everything you see here 251 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,504 is for sale, except that. 252 00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:09,806 I don't even know how it got out here, 253 00:11:09,806 --> 00:11:11,376 it's supposed to be in the van. 254 00:11:11,376 --> 00:11:13,313 Well, I really like it. 255 00:11:13,313 --> 00:11:14,949 Brian, what did you do? 256 00:11:15,082 --> 00:11:17,822 Oh, boy. That was a blunder on my part. 257 00:11:17,822 --> 00:11:20,426 That's a... that's a... that's a pretty big blunder. 258 00:11:20,426 --> 00:11:22,197 But look how much she loves it. 259 00:11:22,297 --> 00:11:23,299 Do you love it? 260 00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:26,104 I do. I can give you $10. 261 00:11:26,104 --> 00:11:28,677 Well, I do want it to go to someone who loves it. 262 00:11:28,777 --> 00:11:31,415 I'll tell you what, give me 11, and it's a deal. 263 00:11:31,415 --> 00:11:33,118 What a blunder. 264 00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:36,960 This is awkward, but y'alls horning in on my turf. 265 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,199 See, "Grandma's Little Loft" is the king of knick-knacks. 266 00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,870 Now yous selling 'em. 267 00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,072 Ha. That's a laugh. 268 00:11:43,072 --> 00:11:44,609 We'd never sell knick-knacks. 269 00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,012 We're tchotchke guys. 270 00:11:46,112 --> 00:11:48,717 If yous calling that vintage Chatillon dial-face 271 00:11:48,717 --> 00:11:50,387 hanging merchant's scale a tchotchke, 272 00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:51,756 y'alls sicker than I thought. 273 00:11:51,856 --> 00:11:53,527 Says the guy who has his what's-its 274 00:11:53,627 --> 00:11:55,196 mixed in with his who's-its. 275 00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:56,767 That's potpourri. 276 00:11:56,867 --> 00:12:00,006 Yous out of your league. That's what's happening here. 277 00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:01,475 You hearing footsteps, Gramps? 278 00:12:01,475 --> 00:12:03,212 Hows about a little contest? 279 00:12:03,212 --> 00:12:05,751 Whoever sells the most by end of day tomorrow 280 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,320 is the flea market champ. 281 00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:11,261 The loser gets out of the game. For good. 282 00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:12,798 Fine, you're on. 283 00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,569 And by the way, there was a dead cricket 284 00:12:14,569 --> 00:12:15,905 in the teapot you sold me. 285 00:12:16,005 --> 00:12:18,944 - Oh, no. - I know. 286 00:12:21,749 --> 00:12:24,421 The hair dye trail ends right here. 287 00:12:27,762 --> 00:12:30,735 Wait, only one guy would accept delivery 288 00:12:30,735 --> 00:12:33,038 of so many Hawaiian shirts. 289 00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:40,954 What is it, boy? 290 00:12:42,224 --> 00:12:45,430 Man, I love being paid for reverse mortgages 291 00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,200 in Hawaiian shirts. 292 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,070 So, it looks like there's a few more 293 00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:51,274 disgruntled customers down there. 294 00:12:53,179 --> 00:12:56,385 Well, that's a 'stache from the past. 295 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,523 This can't be good. Get in. 296 00:12:59,793 --> 00:13:01,495 Hey, NYPD? 297 00:13:01,495 --> 00:13:04,568 Yeah, it's Chief Whatever- My-Character's-Name-Is 298 00:13:04,669 --> 00:13:05,705 from Blue Bloods. 299 00:13:05,805 --> 00:13:07,373 There's a couple of trespassers 300 00:13:07,474 --> 00:13:08,844 outside my house. 301 00:13:11,783 --> 00:13:13,820 You guys are under arrest. 302 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,893 - Is this 'cause I rubbed on a lady in the subway? - No. 303 00:13:16,893 --> 00:13:18,963 - 'Cause I rubbed on a lady on the bus? - No. 304 00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,634 Do you do a lot of rubbing on people? 305 00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,339 Hey, eight million people, we all got to fit somewhere. 306 00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:34,996 I'm sorry for dragging you into this, Mr. Mayor. 307 00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:37,568 Lois was right, this was a stupid plan. 308 00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:39,305 Don't beat yourself up, hoss. 309 00:13:39,305 --> 00:13:40,740 When your cause is just, 310 00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:42,879 any action you take is honorable. 311 00:13:42,979 --> 00:13:46,720 Besides, fate has a funny way of takin' care of folks. 312 00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:58,042 I'd be much obliged if you'd go ahead and open up for me. 313 00:13:58,844 --> 00:14:00,146 How did you do that? 314 00:14:00,246 --> 00:14:01,716 Well, this ain't the first Schlage 315 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,987 to which I've pitched woo. 316 00:14:06,626 --> 00:14:08,564 Oh, Brian, look, 317 00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:09,899 it's this antique's last day 318 00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,468 selling antiques. 319 00:14:11,569 --> 00:14:13,873 You alls can eat my dust. 320 00:14:15,276 --> 00:14:18,015 Oh, we got quite a showdown here today 321 00:14:18,015 --> 00:14:19,752 at Flea Market Regionals, Jim. 322 00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:21,857 "Grandma's Little Loft" has the experience, 323 00:14:21,857 --> 00:14:25,029 but don't count out "The Brian, the Bitch, and the Wardrobe." 324 00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:27,869 And the question we've been hearing the most today: 325 00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:30,206 Why does a flea market have announcers? 326 00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:32,143 Well, sometimes major network announcers 327 00:14:32,244 --> 00:14:34,348 have one too many at a golf tournament 328 00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:35,651 and hit a guy in their car 329 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,387 and then have to work their way back. 330 00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:40,493 Hi, do you have any vintage Southwestern lifestyle stuff? 331 00:14:40,493 --> 00:14:42,532 Bro, it's 7:30 a.m. 332 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,334 That stuff is long gone by 5:15. 333 00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:46,639 I's about to open a storage container 334 00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:48,911 fresh from Tempe. Come on by. 335 00:14:49,044 --> 00:14:50,346 - What? - How is that possible? 336 00:14:50,446 --> 00:14:51,916 And in crunch time, 337 00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:53,352 the game just slows down 338 00:14:53,452 --> 00:14:56,058 for a veteran booth like "Grandma's Little Loft." 339 00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:58,096 A large, Native American-looking teen 340 00:14:58,096 --> 00:15:00,133 has grumpily plopped down on a camp chair 341 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,236 with an iPad at Bruce's booth. 342 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,974 This guy's on another level. 343 00:15:03,974 --> 00:15:06,212 There's no way we can catch him. 344 00:15:06,312 --> 00:15:08,182 This could be the nail in the coffin 345 00:15:08,182 --> 00:15:10,521 as other booths have started shaking 346 00:15:10,621 --> 00:15:12,691 their mis-prescribed opiates in salute. 347 00:15:12,691 --> 00:15:14,629 They call that the "Battle Rattle," 348 00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:17,568 and it's the ultimate flea market show of respect. 349 00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:19,638 This one's all but over. 350 00:15:22,845 --> 00:15:24,916 Welcome back to Flea Market Regionals, 351 00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:26,318 brought to you by Warm Coke. 352 00:15:26,318 --> 00:15:29,457 Warm Coke: Sometimes they're just warm. 353 00:15:29,457 --> 00:15:31,094 "Grandma's Little Loft" 354 00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:33,933 is putting the finishing touches on a dominant win. 355 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,136 Hey, we got lots of great 356 00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:37,608 one-of-a-kind stuff here. Please. 357 00:15:37,608 --> 00:15:40,648 And, of course, the old guy who last-minute decides 358 00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:43,753 he wants to keep his stuff has never really been a factor. 359 00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:45,724 For him, it's more about telling people 360 00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:47,360 where he got the stuff. 361 00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:49,832 Well, we gave it a good shot, 362 00:15:49,832 --> 00:15:51,368 but we're not gonna catch Bruce. 363 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,905 I guess we should go tell him he won. 364 00:15:52,905 --> 00:15:55,544 Hold the phone. Looks like we got a guy 365 00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:58,516 bringing his home trash to the flea market garbage can. 366 00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,554 And this is where the lone garbage can 367 00:16:00,654 --> 00:16:02,992 being right by "Grandma's Little Loft" 368 00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,294 could come into play. 369 00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:05,664 Sure looks like a bag 370 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:08,336 of mostly full diapers and half-eaten burritos. 371 00:16:08,436 --> 00:16:10,707 And that's just a bee's dream bag. 372 00:16:10,808 --> 00:16:12,845 Hey, we just wanted to say, you wo... 373 00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:24,635 And once that money belt is zipped... 374 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,508 It's official. "The Brian, the Bitch, and the Wardrobe" 375 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,514 win Flea Market Regionals. What a comeback. 376 00:16:30,514 --> 00:16:33,385 Boy, you said it. I told ESPN I'd quit 377 00:16:33,385 --> 00:16:35,223 after a "Magic: The Gathering" tournament, 378 00:16:35,223 --> 00:16:37,728 but this time, I'm serious. 379 00:16:37,728 --> 00:16:40,032 Well, yous won fair and square. 380 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,638 Y'alls the best flea market weirdos. 381 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,744 I sure am gonna miss this place. 382 00:16:45,844 --> 00:16:47,013 Sorry about the bees. 383 00:16:47,147 --> 00:16:49,785 Part of the game. Hey, before I go... 384 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:51,723 would y'all be willing to sell your whole inventory 385 00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:53,626 for nine dollars? 386 00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:55,196 - Would you do 11? - No. 387 00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:57,734 You got yourself a deal. I never want to come back here. 388 00:16:57,734 --> 00:17:00,941 Everyone, you're all within 500 feet of a school. 389 00:17:02,443 --> 00:17:05,316 Over 200 arrests were made that day. 390 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,153 It's still known in flea market lore 391 00:17:07,153 --> 00:17:09,157 as "Extinction Sunday." 392 00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:11,696 I'm Chris Griffin, and my brother and my dog 393 00:17:11,796 --> 00:17:14,100 left me in a very hot car. 394 00:17:17,841 --> 00:17:19,477 Hi, Shannon, the line producer, 395 00:17:19,477 --> 00:17:21,348 said I could have another plate of lasagna. 396 00:17:21,348 --> 00:17:23,920 That's not Shannon's call. 397 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,624 You were right. 398 00:17:25,624 --> 00:17:26,926 Becoming extras on his show 399 00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:28,696 was the only way to get close to Tom. 400 00:17:28,696 --> 00:17:32,070 Once the cameras start rolling, we'll make our move. 401 00:17:32,070 --> 00:17:34,173 Blue Bloods, episode a million, 402 00:17:34,173 --> 00:17:36,111 season blabbity-blah. Hollywood, go. 403 00:17:36,111 --> 00:17:38,115 These guys are pros. 404 00:17:38,215 --> 00:17:39,250 Action. 405 00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:42,256 Chief Whatever-Your-Character's- Name-Is from Blue Bloods, 406 00:17:42,256 --> 00:17:43,993 do you recognize this man? 407 00:17:43,993 --> 00:17:46,866 I do. He owns the bodega on 56... 408 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:47,668 Blue Bloods. 409 00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:49,905 Cut. - Who is this guy? 410 00:17:49,905 --> 00:17:51,475 My name is Peter Griffin, 411 00:17:51,475 --> 00:17:53,212 and I'm here 'cause you screwed me over 412 00:17:53,312 --> 00:17:54,982 with your trick reverse mortgage. 413 00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:56,418 It's not a trick. 414 00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:57,955 Overruled. 415 00:17:58,055 --> 00:17:59,992 What are you... you're an actor. 416 00:18:00,092 --> 00:18:02,397 Time to acknowledge the corn, Tom. 417 00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:05,938 Wild West? I had you arrested. 418 00:18:05,938 --> 00:18:07,641 When you got hooked on multis 419 00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:10,514 and started singing mean-spirited songs, 420 00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:13,318 I figured you were young, it was a phase. 421 00:18:13,418 --> 00:18:16,157 But now you went and got mixed up with reverse mortgages, 422 00:18:16,257 --> 00:18:19,264 and that, partner, violates the mustache code. 423 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,870 Yeah. And besides, you're Magnum P.I. 424 00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:23,239 You're like my TV boss. 425 00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:25,711 Regular guys like me trust you. 426 00:18:25,711 --> 00:18:28,216 I didn't make you do anything. 427 00:18:28,216 --> 00:18:31,354 Only one thing left to try. 428 00:18:33,392 --> 00:18:36,098 ♪ See a penny, pick it up ♪ 429 00:18:36,098 --> 00:18:38,235 ♪ All the day you'll have to look ♪ 430 00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:41,074 ♪ For its rightful owner ♪ 431 00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:43,011 ♪ That's an honorable day ♪ 432 00:18:43,111 --> 00:18:48,255 ♪ Looking for its rightful owner ♪ 433 00:18:49,257 --> 00:18:51,763 I-I'm not gonna sing. 434 00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:54,200 - Your Honor? - I'll allow it. 435 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,404 ♪ A penny saved is a penny earned ♪ 436 00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:58,877 ♪ But if it ain't yours, I've learned ♪ 437 00:18:58,877 --> 00:19:05,055 ♪ To find its rightful owner. ♪ 438 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:11,334 This court finds that the world could use more songs like that. 439 00:19:11,434 --> 00:19:14,307 Peter, I think you and I might just have to 440 00:19:14,307 --> 00:19:16,311 agree to disagree when it comes to 441 00:19:16,411 --> 00:19:19,618 the financial propriety of reverse mortgages. 442 00:19:19,718 --> 00:19:21,956 That said, I certainly never meant 443 00:19:22,056 --> 00:19:23,693 to cause you any distress. 444 00:19:23,793 --> 00:19:26,064 And Wild, back in the day, 445 00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:28,068 I turned my back on you, 446 00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,774 and I turned my back on my mustache. 447 00:19:30,874 --> 00:19:33,346 Think you can forgive me? 448 00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:36,184 Eh, nothin' a firm, two-handed handshake 449 00:19:36,184 --> 00:19:38,556 with eye contact can't solve. 450 00:19:41,061 --> 00:19:43,332 And Peter, I don't want there 451 00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:45,036 to be any hard feelings, 452 00:19:45,036 --> 00:19:46,606 so I'm gonna write you a check 453 00:19:46,739 --> 00:19:49,578 for a little bit of the lot of money I've made 454 00:19:49,678 --> 00:19:52,083 selling legitimate reverse mortgages 455 00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,153 to people who, to the best of my knowledge, 456 00:19:54,153 --> 00:19:56,559 understand fully what they're entering into. 457 00:19:56,659 --> 00:19:58,228 How are you 78? 458 00:19:58,228 --> 00:19:59,665 This ought to take care of it. 459 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,102 And hey, just to make sure we're good, 460 00:20:02,102 --> 00:20:04,708 how'd you like a line on the show? 461 00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:05,944 Blue Bloods. 462 00:20:05,944 --> 00:20:08,750 It might not be just saying the show. 463 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,221 I understand. Tom, would it be possible 464 00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:12,892 for me to get another plate of lasagna? 465 00:20:12,992 --> 00:20:15,363 That's not my call, Peter. That's Shannon's call. 466 00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:17,333 It's not Shannon's call. 467 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,519 Follow that car. 468 00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:28,155 First time in the big city? 469 00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:29,491 Blue Bloods. 470 00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:31,261 That last line was improvised. 471 00:20:31,261 --> 00:20:34,400 Oh, look out, Ryan Stiles, huh? 472 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,338 Oh, you know, I'm just glad 473 00:20:36,338 --> 00:20:38,843 we don't have to worry about losing our house anymore. 474 00:20:38,843 --> 00:20:40,647 Me, too. I guess I learned 475 00:20:40,647 --> 00:20:42,518 celebrities always do the right thing 476 00:20:42,518 --> 00:20:44,989 once you publicly guilt them into it.