1 00:00:01,604 --> 00:00:04,510 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,510 --> 00:00:07,682 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,782 --> 00:00:11,389 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,389 --> 00:00:14,395 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,395 --> 00:00:17,836 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,836 --> 00:00:21,243 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,243 --> 00:00:22,946 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,946 --> 00:00:24,215 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:30,193 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:34,937 --> 00:00:36,139 Good morning, family. 11 00:00:36,139 --> 00:00:38,410 Now, as you all know, since four minutes ago, 12 00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,047 when I heard it on the radio, 13 00:00:40,147 --> 00:00:41,683 it has been my lifelong dream 14 00:00:41,683 --> 00:00:44,589 to compete in the St. Philip's Greasy Pole Contest, 15 00:00:44,589 --> 00:00:47,896 where shirtless men try to climb across a greasy pole. 16 00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:49,065 Come on, Chris, let's go. 17 00:00:49,165 --> 00:00:50,836 Now, hold on, Peter, you promised 18 00:00:50,936 --> 00:00:52,371 you'd run errands with me today. 19 00:00:52,371 --> 00:00:55,277 You can't just bail 'cause you heard of some fun new thing. 20 00:00:55,377 --> 00:00:58,685 Lois, we both know I'm going to the whatever-I-just-said thing. 21 00:00:58,685 --> 00:00:59,820 Meg will fill in for me. 22 00:00:59,953 --> 00:01:01,022 Ugh, fine. 23 00:01:01,122 --> 00:01:03,193 All right, now, if you're gonna be filling in for me, 24 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,330 you need to complete the online course. 25 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,972 Congratulations on being picked to fill in for me 26 00:01:08,972 --> 00:01:10,508 while I have a horse-around day. 27 00:01:10,508 --> 00:01:13,781 Now, let's talk dos and don'ts around the workplace. 28 00:01:14,984 --> 00:01:16,653 Okay, let's see what you've learned. 29 00:01:16,753 --> 00:01:19,760 Describe the difference between a tunic and a shawl 30 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,597 in as much detail as possible. 31 00:01:21,597 --> 00:01:22,866 Ugh. 32 00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:24,970 Congratulations on being picked... 33 00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:27,008 Every year there's some hotshot who thinks 34 00:01:27,108 --> 00:01:29,278 they don't gotta watch the video. 35 00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,961 Oh, no, I left my phone in the car. 36 00:01:37,061 --> 00:01:38,864 Oh, weird. I forgot mine, too. 37 00:01:38,864 --> 00:01:40,267 Should I run back and grab them? 38 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,237 - Oh, we don't need 'em. - No, we do not. 39 00:01:42,237 --> 00:01:45,310 I for one welcome the lost art of conversation, 40 00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:47,715 of which we are both ninjas, my friend. 41 00:01:47,815 --> 00:01:49,819 Absolutely. 42 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,763 ♪ Bah dah buh buh ba ♪ 43 00:01:54,763 --> 00:01:57,902 ♪ Bah dah buh buh da dah! ♪ 44 00:01:58,002 --> 00:01:59,271 So, how you doing, man? 45 00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:02,377 All good. All good in the hood. 46 00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:04,015 Anything new? What's new? 47 00:02:04,015 --> 00:02:06,653 Same old, same old. Life good? Family good? 48 00:02:06,753 --> 00:02:07,956 Yep, living the dream. 49 00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:11,096 D-R-E-A-M. No complaints. 50 00:02:11,196 --> 00:02:12,532 Zero complaints. 51 00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:15,003 Dylan, right? Your son. He good? 52 00:02:15,103 --> 00:02:16,540 Most def. 53 00:02:17,743 --> 00:02:19,512 Most def. 54 00:02:22,051 --> 00:02:24,188 - Breaking news. - I can't believe this. 55 00:02:24,188 --> 00:02:26,661 I have a Samsung, so my alert hasn't come in yet. 56 00:02:26,661 --> 00:02:29,032 It's nice not being glued to our phones 57 00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:30,367 like these sheeple, huh? 58 00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:33,607 There it is. Oh, my God. 59 00:02:33,707 --> 00:02:35,911 Slaves to the screen. 60 00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:46,032 Are we almost done? 61 00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,803 I need to find Stewie's rash cream, 62 00:02:47,803 --> 00:02:50,007 but if you're not having fun, go get a squeeze 63 00:02:50,107 --> 00:02:51,644 from the blood pressure machine. 64 00:02:51,644 --> 00:02:53,714 That always perks me up. 65 00:02:57,556 --> 00:02:59,893 Meg, oh, my God, it's crazy here. 66 00:02:59,993 --> 00:03:02,464 Dad fell off the pole and landed on his head, 67 00:03:02,565 --> 00:03:04,435 and one of his eyes popped out. 68 00:03:04,536 --> 00:03:06,574 We picked it up and jammed it back in, 69 00:03:06,707 --> 00:03:09,445 but the pupil was on the other side. 70 00:03:09,546 --> 00:03:11,449 I'm okay. Just got a little headache. 71 00:03:11,449 --> 00:03:14,055 Also, Dad gave me a hard lemonade. 72 00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:16,092 He's pretty out of it. 73 00:03:16,627 --> 00:03:19,131 Total shocker, Chris and Dad are having 74 00:03:19,131 --> 00:03:20,334 a very fun day. 75 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,204 They're not the only ones, huh? 76 00:03:22,304 --> 00:03:24,577 Oh, I also need to return this loofah. 77 00:03:24,577 --> 00:03:26,613 I mean, who was I kidding? I'm a Dial bar 78 00:03:26,613 --> 00:03:29,051 - smeared right on the skin gal. - Of course. 79 00:03:29,152 --> 00:03:31,957 Let me show you to the returns section. 80 00:03:34,229 --> 00:03:37,400 The Prestige. 81 00:03:40,006 --> 00:03:43,346 Well, I guess Janet forgave Robert for Jamaica. 82 00:03:43,346 --> 00:03:45,483 - What are you talking about? - The wedding's back on. 83 00:03:45,483 --> 00:03:48,791 And Janet officially has no backbone. 84 00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:49,960 What are you doing? 85 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,530 Um, eating a sandwich. 86 00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:54,235 Brian Griffin, I ordered ramen for us. 87 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:55,671 We planned this last night. 88 00:03:55,771 --> 00:03:58,009 We did? I don't-- I don't remember. 89 00:03:58,009 --> 00:03:59,679 You were too drunk to remember? 90 00:03:59,779 --> 00:04:01,249 I've been dying to try this place. 91 00:04:01,349 --> 00:04:02,518 You said we could do it together. 92 00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:04,254 Stewie, it's not-- 93 00:04:05,891 --> 00:04:08,096 Uh, ramen for Stewie and Brian? 94 00:04:08,096 --> 00:04:10,033 Apparently it's just for Stewie. 95 00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:12,171 - Everything okay? - No, it's not! 96 00:04:14,375 --> 00:04:15,845 Stewie, what the hell was that? 97 00:04:15,945 --> 00:04:17,147 What happened to us? 98 00:04:17,147 --> 00:04:18,584 I thought we were best friends. 99 00:04:18,584 --> 00:04:20,020 We have nothing to say at brunch, 100 00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:22,324 we don't listen to each other, we forget plans we made. 101 00:04:22,424 --> 00:04:24,629 By the way, the "we" in all this is you. 102 00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:26,667 Don't be dramatic, Stewie, we're fine. 103 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,405 No, we're not. Best friends talk about stuff. 104 00:04:29,506 --> 00:04:31,643 I-I don't-- What do you want me to do? 105 00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:34,248 If you're really asking, I saw a therapist 106 00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:35,685 on The Today Show talking about 107 00:04:35,785 --> 00:04:38,123 the emergence of friendship therapy. 108 00:04:38,123 --> 00:04:39,258 I think it could help us. 109 00:04:39,359 --> 00:04:41,797 No. 110 00:04:41,797 --> 00:04:44,334 - Fine. - Oh, Brian, this is great. 111 00:04:44,435 --> 00:04:46,272 It'll give us the fresh start we need. 112 00:04:46,405 --> 00:04:48,578 Like when Tom Brady moved to Tampa Bay. 113 00:04:48,578 --> 00:04:52,318 All right! Now I get to cheat in shorts. 114 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:55,658 I'm Peyton Manning, and I approve this message. 115 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,974 So, yeah, this is how I reload my purse with mom stuff. 116 00:05:04,075 --> 00:05:07,582 - It's very important to always be prepared. - Didn't ask. 117 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,787 Travel-size lotion, hand sanitizer, 118 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:12,559 Tic Tacs, so I can skip brushing my teeth. 119 00:05:12,559 --> 00:05:14,195 Dawg, you still gotta brush. 120 00:05:14,195 --> 00:05:16,131 Oh, and mom hack 68: 121 00:05:16,131 --> 00:05:18,436 buy the $2.00 plastic rain bonnet. 122 00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:22,311 They're made at the same factory that makes the $9.00 ones. 123 00:05:22,311 --> 00:05:25,885 Don't ask me how I know. 124 00:05:26,987 --> 00:05:29,458 Oh, Meg, don't look for a sec. 125 00:05:30,293 --> 00:05:32,698 Okay, it's safe. 126 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,941 Our treat for an epic errands day. 127 00:05:37,041 --> 00:05:39,078 Amazing. 128 00:05:39,211 --> 00:05:41,783 Big surprise, I didn't win. 129 00:05:41,783 --> 00:05:43,520 Didn't win what? 130 00:05:47,361 --> 00:05:50,366 Oh, my God, Meg, I won! 131 00:05:51,837 --> 00:05:54,475 You're kidding. Mom, this is amazing. 132 00:05:54,475 --> 00:05:56,245 Ah! I know, I can't believe it. 133 00:05:56,245 --> 00:05:59,620 It's even more exciting than the creation of Broccolini. 134 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,355 What is this new plant? 135 00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:02,926 Let me ask you a question. 136 00:06:02,926 --> 00:06:04,929 - Do you like broccoli? - Not really. 137 00:06:05,029 --> 00:06:09,806 Well, I think I just figured out a way to make it harder to eat. 138 00:06:13,179 --> 00:06:15,384 I can't believe you won ten grand. 139 00:06:15,484 --> 00:06:17,722 I know. I wonder how soon I can get that 140 00:06:17,722 --> 00:06:20,060 house water filtration system installed. 141 00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,696 A couple weeks? A month? 142 00:06:21,696 --> 00:06:24,168 - What is wrong with you? - Wh-What do you mean? 143 00:06:24,168 --> 00:06:26,673 You win a boatload of money, and your first thought is 144 00:06:26,773 --> 00:06:28,409 a water filtration system?! 145 00:06:28,409 --> 00:06:31,015 How do you not blow your brains out? 146 00:06:31,115 --> 00:06:33,119 Oh, these systems are very cool. 147 00:06:33,119 --> 00:06:35,390 No, they're not! They're boring. 148 00:06:35,490 --> 00:06:37,529 Everything you do is boring. 149 00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:39,699 That's why we all want to hang out with Dad. 150 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,570 Imagine what he'd do with ten grand. 151 00:06:41,703 --> 00:06:44,742 Something super stupid and selfish and awesome, 152 00:06:44,842 --> 00:06:45,911 that's what. 153 00:06:49,986 --> 00:06:53,694 - Dad's not the only fun one, you know. - Uh-huh? 154 00:06:53,694 --> 00:06:55,998 Oh, you don't believe me? Okay, okay. 155 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:58,470 Well, what if-- What if we use the money 156 00:06:58,571 --> 00:07:00,608 for something fun? For just us. 157 00:07:00,608 --> 00:07:03,312 - Like what? - Like going on a top-secret 158 00:07:03,312 --> 00:07:05,551 - mother/daughter trip. - Really? 159 00:07:05,651 --> 00:07:07,822 Mom, that would be amazing. 160 00:07:07,922 --> 00:07:10,527 Great. Now let's keep this same energy 161 00:07:10,527 --> 00:07:13,232 while we take a quick detour for my mammogram. 162 00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,538 Whoo-hoo! Girls' trip! 163 00:07:15,638 --> 00:07:16,807 How's it looking in there? 164 00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:19,278 Well, it's probably nothing. 165 00:07:19,378 --> 00:07:21,916 Ooh, girls' trip. 166 00:07:27,127 --> 00:07:29,432 Final call for Vacation Airlines flight 167 00:07:29,566 --> 00:07:30,968 to Vacation Destination. 168 00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:33,205 I can't believe we're going on a secret trip. 169 00:07:33,306 --> 00:07:35,845 This is so cool. What did you tell Dad? 170 00:07:35,945 --> 00:07:37,848 Oh, pfft, he won't even know we're gone. 171 00:07:37,948 --> 00:07:39,652 I got him his favorite babysitter. 172 00:07:39,652 --> 00:07:42,625 Lois says we're allowed to stay up past 9:00. 173 00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:44,228 The note says 9:00. 174 00:07:44,328 --> 00:07:45,565 Not if it's special. 175 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:47,167 And we're allowed to watch Beetlejuice. 176 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,708 The note specifically says "no Beetlejuice." 177 00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:53,580 I'm allowed to watch Coco, 178 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:56,151 and it's basically the same thing. 179 00:08:00,594 --> 00:08:03,466 I'm Dr. Wagner. Please take a seat. 180 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:04,769 This is a test, right? 181 00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:07,675 You're free to sit anywhere you like. 182 00:08:09,111 --> 00:08:10,614 Yeah? This right? 183 00:08:10,614 --> 00:08:12,985 There's no right or wrong. 184 00:08:15,858 --> 00:08:18,028 Aha, you lost. You sat too quick. 185 00:08:18,128 --> 00:08:20,099 Are you uncomfortable that Brian had the confidence 186 00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,637 - to choose a seat? - Yes! 187 00:08:21,637 --> 00:08:23,006 Brian one, Stewie zero. 188 00:08:23,106 --> 00:08:25,511 Actually, Brian, this isn't a contest. 189 00:08:25,511 --> 00:08:27,013 Yes. One to one. 190 00:08:27,013 --> 00:08:28,216 Stewie, please sit. 191 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,452 I may just stand. 192 00:08:29,452 --> 00:08:31,590 Oh, indecisive. Two to one. 193 00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:34,495 Doc's going pen to pad, and you gotta think 194 00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,900 Stewie just evened up the score. 195 00:08:43,681 --> 00:08:46,519 It does look like we have an ocean-view suite available 196 00:08:46,653 --> 00:08:49,057 for an extra $500 if you are interested. 197 00:08:49,057 --> 00:08:51,830 You know what, yes, we'll take it. 198 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:54,101 The Snapple babes are living it up. 199 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,337 Very good. 200 00:08:55,437 --> 00:08:56,907 So the room isn't quite ready. 201 00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:58,442 Would you like to inconveniently 202 00:08:58,544 --> 00:08:59,779 grab your swimsuits from your luggage 203 00:08:59,779 --> 00:09:01,049 and use the pool while you wait? 204 00:09:01,182 --> 00:09:04,188 Oh, that's okay, we'll just buy new bathing suits 205 00:09:04,288 --> 00:09:05,991 at the lobby store. 206 00:09:07,294 --> 00:09:09,131 Snapple babes? 207 00:09:09,231 --> 00:09:10,433 And for our survey, 208 00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:11,803 how'd you hear about the resort? 209 00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:14,609 That rich lady from the news was murdered here. 210 00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:17,280 Yep, that is what most people say. 211 00:09:20,387 --> 00:09:21,990 Hey, Stewie, what are you watching? 212 00:09:22,091 --> 00:09:25,263 - Uh, uh, The Gilded Age. - Seriously?! 213 00:09:25,263 --> 00:09:26,633 I couldn't wait, I'm sorry. 214 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,102 I'll watch it again with you tonight. 215 00:09:28,202 --> 00:09:29,706 Oh, and have you stare at me right before 216 00:09:29,806 --> 00:09:31,475 something big happens? No way. 217 00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:32,779 You know what, you know what, good. 218 00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:34,114 I'll watch shows on my own, too. 219 00:09:34,214 --> 00:09:36,719 I can finally watch something after 7:00 p.m. 220 00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:39,959 Dr. Wagner would want us to play Big Problem, Small Problem. 221 00:09:40,059 --> 00:09:42,965 A big problem is sometimes a hospital problem. 222 00:09:42,965 --> 00:09:44,702 A small problem is something like 223 00:09:44,702 --> 00:09:46,005 your friend watches a show-- 224 00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:48,176 I'm not listening to this crap. This is stupid. 225 00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:50,180 You feel like this is stupid? 226 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,119 Dr. Wagner says to use "I feel" statements. 227 00:09:53,119 --> 00:09:55,691 I feel like you are making up rules-- 228 00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:57,461 Oh, Stewie's got the iPad. 229 00:09:57,461 --> 00:09:59,498 Stewie, Daddy's just gonna take the iPad 230 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,268 into the bathroom, okay? 231 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,574 He took my Etch A Sketch. 232 00:10:03,674 --> 00:10:07,280 Siri, show me "busty Latinas." 233 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,688 Busty Latinas. 234 00:10:10,688 --> 00:10:13,627 Can somebody reset the Wi-Fi? 235 00:10:19,371 --> 00:10:20,741 - Have you decided? - Yes. 236 00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:24,115 We'd like two Lava Flows in hollowed-out pineapples, 237 00:10:24,215 --> 00:10:27,522 and sweet potato fries in a hollowed-out coconut. 238 00:10:27,622 --> 00:10:28,958 Any food or drink you bring us 239 00:10:28,958 --> 00:10:31,195 should be inside a hollow fruit. 240 00:10:31,295 --> 00:10:34,068 Excuse me, my son and I couldn't help but notice 241 00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:37,341 you ordered all your food in hollowed-out fruit. 242 00:10:37,341 --> 00:10:38,777 You must be very rich. 243 00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:40,748 Oh, thanks for noticing. 244 00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:41,916 So what are your names? 245 00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:44,288 You can call us the Snapple babes. 246 00:10:44,288 --> 00:10:46,760 Yeah, we're famous. 247 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,462 Well, maybe you can tell us 248 00:10:48,462 --> 00:10:49,766 all about it over dinner. 249 00:10:49,766 --> 00:10:51,770 Shall we say one of the three overpriced 250 00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,138 hotel restaurants at 8:00? 251 00:10:53,138 --> 00:10:56,679 - We shall. - See you then. 252 00:11:04,327 --> 00:11:06,098 I forgot these are prescription, 253 00:11:06,231 --> 00:11:09,371 but those are two smokin'-hot blobs. 254 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:16,318 So, last session I asked you each 255 00:11:16,318 --> 00:11:18,857 to write a love song to your friendship. 256 00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:20,795 Let's start with Brian. 257 00:11:20,895 --> 00:11:22,732 Whatever. 258 00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:24,234 ♪ Stewie, Stewie ♪ 259 00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:26,238 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 260 00:11:26,238 --> 00:11:27,407 ♪ Awesome guy. ♪ 261 00:11:27,407 --> 00:11:29,612 What the hell was that? You couldn't be bothered 262 00:11:29,612 --> 00:11:31,717 to spend five minutes preparing something? 263 00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:34,121 Like it matters. This is so stupid. 264 00:11:34,121 --> 00:11:34,989 You're stupid! 265 00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:37,427 Guys, please. 266 00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:39,230 Admit you exaggerate your accent. 267 00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:42,905 Admit you wear shirts from museums you've never been to. 268 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,711 Enough! 269 00:11:46,245 --> 00:11:47,749 This is ridiculous. 270 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,385 Your relationship is toxic. 271 00:11:49,485 --> 00:11:51,489 You're not married, you're not blood relatives. 272 00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:53,059 Why continue? 273 00:11:54,829 --> 00:11:57,367 In my entire career, 274 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:01,141 I have never given this advice, but it is my opinion 275 00:12:01,141 --> 00:12:04,548 that you should end this friendship. 276 00:12:04,548 --> 00:12:06,887 - Fine by me. - Makes my life easier. 277 00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,757 Also, your insurance card didn't go through, 278 00:12:08,891 --> 00:12:10,459 and when I looked again I realized 279 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:11,897 it was a Robek's juice card. 280 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,734 You went to SUNY Albany. 281 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,469 You'll take it and like it. 282 00:12:18,276 --> 00:12:20,881 Okay, this is a bartering culture, 283 00:12:20,881 --> 00:12:22,986 so we have to haggle over an amount of money 284 00:12:23,086 --> 00:12:25,891 we wouldn't even pick up if we dropped it on the ground. 285 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,180 Mom, what are they gonna do with us? 286 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,883 If you let my daughter go, 287 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,554 you can do whatever you want to me. 288 00:12:40,554 --> 00:12:44,194 In the following order: you, you, blond-arm-hair guy, 289 00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:46,232 you two, maybe a quick lunch and shower, 290 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,469 then blond-arm-hair guy again if he's into it. 291 00:13:00,928 --> 00:13:02,665 You two? 292 00:13:02,665 --> 00:13:04,367 Where are we? 293 00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,279 It's a co-kidnapping space. 294 00:13:10,379 --> 00:13:11,716 It used to be a WeWork. 295 00:13:11,716 --> 00:13:13,754 Oh, I saw that documentary. Meh. 296 00:13:13,754 --> 00:13:15,223 Sorry to interrupt. 297 00:13:15,223 --> 00:13:17,227 Is there, like, a trick to the Keurig machine? 298 00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:19,565 Hey, man. Yeah, it's probably just out of water. 299 00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:23,940 God, there's nothing in here. 300 00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:25,510 Where's the money? 301 00:13:25,510 --> 00:13:27,515 Uh, I'd look in the lobby store. 302 00:13:27,615 --> 00:13:29,952 Ah, guilty as charged. 303 00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:32,090 No, but they do have fun stuff in there. 304 00:13:32,090 --> 00:13:34,896 Shut up! The real money will be the ransom, anyways. 305 00:13:34,896 --> 00:13:36,967 We've never captured a beverage heiress before. 306 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,304 What?! Who do you think we are? 307 00:13:39,304 --> 00:13:41,709 We know you're the Snapple Family. 308 00:13:41,809 --> 00:13:42,979 Oh, no. 309 00:13:42,979 --> 00:13:45,049 This is a big misunderstanding. 310 00:13:45,049 --> 00:13:48,824 We just won a Snapple contest, then spent all the money. 311 00:13:48,824 --> 00:13:50,595 You're worthless! 312 00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:54,602 It was the water. 313 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,012 And do you, Janet, take Robert to be your husband? 314 00:14:00,112 --> 00:14:01,449 I do. 315 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:02,851 ...forgive you about Jamaica. 316 00:14:02,951 --> 00:14:04,855 Am I right? 317 00:14:08,997 --> 00:14:10,901 Brian, what are you doing here? 318 00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:12,370 I should ask you that. 319 00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:14,174 Can't believe you came, knowing I'd be here. 320 00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:17,013 Well, I'm not gonna punish Janet for what happened between us. 321 00:14:17,113 --> 00:14:19,018 Okay, but just keep your distance. 322 00:14:19,018 --> 00:14:20,954 Fine, I get from the bar 323 00:14:20,954 --> 00:14:23,326 to the bridesmaid having a terse, ugly argument 324 00:14:23,426 --> 00:14:24,529 with her boyfriend. 325 00:14:24,629 --> 00:14:26,566 Okay, and I get from her 326 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:30,874 to the bald uncle looking around before telling a racist joke. 327 00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:33,278 So, how long we thinking 328 00:14:33,378 --> 00:14:35,383 until Stewie makes this whole event about him? 329 00:14:35,383 --> 00:14:38,388 Ten minutes? Shall we put a little cashish on it? 330 00:14:38,388 --> 00:14:40,594 I just asked you to pass the butter. 331 00:14:40,594 --> 00:14:42,397 I don't know who Stewie is. 332 00:14:42,397 --> 00:14:44,401 Do yourself a favor, keep it that way. 333 00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:47,207 I think we're supposed to sit at the tables we were assigned. 334 00:14:47,307 --> 00:14:49,945 Yeah, no, they said I could kind of be a roamer. 335 00:14:51,749 --> 00:14:53,319 Smells like butt. 336 00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:55,223 Let me guess. Brian was just here? 337 00:14:55,223 --> 00:14:57,628 - Who's Brian? - I think that's the dog guy. 338 00:14:57,728 --> 00:15:00,634 I thought this table was just supposed to be Cornell people. 339 00:15:05,678 --> 00:15:08,215 Oh, my God. Mom, we're gonna die. 340 00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,560 Oh, no, we're not. 341 00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:15,029 I have a plan. 342 00:15:15,129 --> 00:15:17,167 Uh, hey, guys, you know, if you're hungry, 343 00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:19,471 I have a half a granola bar in my purse. 344 00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:22,276 This purse is useless, just like you! 345 00:15:23,046 --> 00:15:24,348 Huh. The good people 346 00:15:24,348 --> 00:15:26,786 at T.J. Maxx may disagree with you there. 347 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,005 Huh? 348 00:16:07,868 --> 00:16:09,572 - Good day. - Good day. 349 00:16:09,572 --> 00:16:10,974 Good day. 350 00:16:10,974 --> 00:16:14,481 It was them in the nine-dollar rain bonnets! 351 00:16:14,481 --> 00:16:17,320 Told you these look like the expensive ones. 352 00:16:36,859 --> 00:16:39,130 Never mess with a mom. 353 00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,001 Meg, help me tie up their hands 354 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,972 with these extremely long CVS receipts. 355 00:16:42,972 --> 00:16:44,509 Why did you save these? 356 00:16:44,509 --> 00:16:46,111 Oh, there's a carpet-cleaning coupon 357 00:16:46,111 --> 00:16:48,516 on the back that I'm curious about. 358 00:16:54,896 --> 00:16:56,933 I'd like to invite all the single ladies 359 00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:58,603 to the dance floor! 360 00:17:00,875 --> 00:17:03,045 How about the single fellas? 361 00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:10,427 Now, some slowly-building emotional music 362 00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:12,999 for estranged friends to look at each other 363 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,871 and regret their rift! 364 00:17:27,995 --> 00:17:31,067 Ah. What are we doing? 365 00:17:33,138 --> 00:17:35,777 Hey, I, uh, have a toast. 366 00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:41,388 You know, sometimes, against all odds, 367 00:17:41,388 --> 00:17:43,325 two people find each other 368 00:17:43,425 --> 00:17:45,664 in this crazy place we call "Earth." 369 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,637 Sure, they might have problems, 370 00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:50,607 and they might not always agree with each other, 371 00:17:50,607 --> 00:17:54,314 and a therapist may even tell them they shouldn't be friends. 372 00:17:55,316 --> 00:17:57,086 But what I realized is 373 00:17:57,186 --> 00:17:59,091 I don't want a friend I can get along with. 374 00:17:59,191 --> 00:18:00,827 I can get along with anybody. 375 00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:02,631 Table two hates you, dude! 376 00:18:02,631 --> 00:18:05,369 I want a friend who I can laugh with because they also noticed 377 00:18:05,469 --> 00:18:07,373 that no one else is drinking cream soda, 378 00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:09,712 which means the guy in jeans brought it from home. 379 00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:11,448 I knew they wouldn't have it! 380 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:12,585 I want a friend 381 00:18:12,585 --> 00:18:14,721 who will publicly shame a mom-and-pop cafe 382 00:18:14,721 --> 00:18:16,960 for having slightly too few blueberries in their muffin. 383 00:18:17,093 --> 00:18:18,462 Call it something else, 384 00:18:18,462 --> 00:18:20,166 'cause it ain't a blueberry muffin. 385 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,303 Stewie, this is for you. 386 00:18:29,652 --> 00:18:31,355 ♪ Stewie, Stewie ♪ 387 00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:35,062 ♪ Oh, yeah, you're my best friend! ♪ 388 00:18:35,062 --> 00:18:37,400 He did the work. 389 00:18:44,615 --> 00:18:47,988 Stewie, I'd rather be toxic and unhealthy together 390 00:18:47,988 --> 00:18:49,993 than toxic and unhealthy apart. 391 00:18:50,093 --> 00:18:52,665 Me, too, Bri. Let's be best friends again. 392 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,367 What do you say we hit the photo booth 393 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,137 and take a couple of funny photos? 394 00:18:56,238 --> 00:18:57,842 I've heard they have hilarious props. 395 00:18:57,942 --> 00:19:00,212 - No props. - Yeah, no props, yeah. 396 00:19:01,783 --> 00:19:03,653 But Stewie did use props, 397 00:19:03,787 --> 00:19:05,490 and they had a big fight about it, 398 00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:07,026 and it took a whole other wedding 399 00:19:07,126 --> 00:19:08,396 for them to make up again. 400 00:19:08,396 --> 00:19:10,166 I'm Cleveland Brown, 401 00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:13,205 and I know my show was better than this. 402 00:19:16,378 --> 00:19:18,449 I can't believe we made it home safe. 403 00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:21,421 It was so lucky you had all that stuff in your purse. 404 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,327 Oh, sweetie, luck had nothing to do with it. 405 00:19:24,427 --> 00:19:27,535 I'm a mom, and moms have to be prepared for anything. 406 00:19:27,535 --> 00:19:29,872 I really wanted to show you I could be fun like Dad, 407 00:19:29,972 --> 00:19:31,308 but look where that got us. 408 00:19:31,408 --> 00:19:32,744 At the end of the day, 409 00:19:32,744 --> 00:19:35,182 someone's got to be the responsible one here. 410 00:19:35,182 --> 00:19:36,686 I guess you're right, Mom. 411 00:19:36,686 --> 00:19:39,423 I mean, we all love your father's water balloon fights, 412 00:19:39,423 --> 00:19:42,029 but someone's got to pick up all the tiny balloon pieces 413 00:19:42,029 --> 00:19:43,399 from the grass. 414 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,570 That's my role, and it's fine. 415 00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:47,307 Do you think someday I'll be a boring, 416 00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:49,244 taken-for-granted wife and mom? 417 00:19:49,244 --> 00:19:52,517 Oh, I think you're well on your way, sweetheart. 418 00:19:56,725 --> 00:19:58,964 Oh. How was he? 419 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,801 Fine, but let's just say 420 00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,507 there's the exact same number of carrots as when you left. 421 00:20:03,607 --> 00:20:05,376 Well, that sounds about right. 422 00:20:05,476 --> 00:20:07,180 He also said you said 423 00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:09,685 yogurt-covered pretzels are a healthy snack. 424 00:20:09,685 --> 00:20:11,689 You did say that! 425 00:20:11,689 --> 00:20:14,528 - Compared to Cheetos, they are. - You just said it again! 426 00:20:21,843 --> 00:20:23,947 - Here are your waffles. - Thanks so much. 427 00:20:24,047 --> 00:20:25,283 Yay, that was quick. 428 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,737 Can I grab anything else for you? 429 00:20:35,737 --> 00:20:38,008 - No, this is great! - Cheat day!