1 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,516 Ted: Kids, life is a dark road. 2 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,852 You never really know what's up ahead. 3 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:22,788 One night you're cruising along enjoying the ride, 4 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:25,891 And then all of a sudden, you're 28. 5 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,860 And for the birthday boy, 6 00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:28,894 Lasagna. Thank you. 7 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,363 Careful. The plate is very hot. 8 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,464 'Kay. 9 00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,801 Oh, go on, touch it. 10 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,637 ( Gasps ): Ah! Sweet damn, that's a hot plate. 11 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,840 All right, so, barney, are you doing this or what? 12 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,509 Oh, geez, barney, don't do this. 13 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,677 I have to, it's my birthday present to ted. 14 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,913 You don't have to. Please, it's going to be embarrassing 15 00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,582 And we're going to have to stop coming here, which will suck... 16 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,052 In addition to probably being kind of healthy. 17 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,686 Come on, marshall, 18 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,222 It's the greatest pickup line of all time. 19 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,858 Barney. 20 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,326 Oy, gevalt. 21 00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:02,728 Ah... 22 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,996 Happy birthday, ted. 23 00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:05,330 Whoo-hoo! 24 00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,234 Uh, excuse me, has anyone ever told y... 25 00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,669 Oh, my god. 26 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,204 What? Oh! 27 00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:13,238 Call an ambulance! 28 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,873 What's going on? 29 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,275 Try not to speak. Here, sit down. 30 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:17,910 Just don't talk, don't talk. 31 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:20,112 Is she okay? I'm serious, call 911. 32 00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,847 What's wrong? What's the matter? 33 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:22,849 Shh! Shh! Just don't move. 34 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,083 Don't move. Just try... 35 00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:26,018 Here, have some water. Water! 36 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:28,554 Here, drink this. 37 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,355 Shh! Shh! 38 00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,957 Robin: You know, the more I watch this, 39 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,358 The less convinced I am 40 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,627 That it's the greatest pickup line of all time. 41 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,729 Wait for it. 42 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:38,864 28. 43 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,200 Two more 'til the big one, three-oh. 44 00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:44,103 Actually, my 30th birthday wasn't so bad. 45 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,805 Well, except for the goat in my bathroom. 46 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:49,975 But I'll get to that later. 47 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,711 Still, you know, another year older. 48 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,812 Still single. 49 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,615 You don't hear your tedological clock ticking? 50 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,951 Nope. I hit the snooze button. 51 00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,453 And here come the paramedics. 52 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,222 Oh, thank god, you're here. 53 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,656 What is going on?! 54 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,125 I think there might be some internal bleeding. 55 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,659 Probably some fractures. 56 00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,760 We got to get her to the hospital. 57 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:09,761 What are you talking about? 58 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,163 You've had a terrible fall. 59 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,297 No, I haven't. 60 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,465 Really? 'cause I could swear 61 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,000 You fell straight out of heaven. 62 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:18,137 Angel... Bing! 63 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,906 ( Under his breath ): Give him your number. 64 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,074 What? 65 00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:23,842 ( Aloud ): Give him your number. 66 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,844 What? ( louder ): Give him your number. 67 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,412 Come on, you're embarrassing me. 68 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,248 ( Chanting ): Give him your number. 69 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,650 What are you...? Come on. Give him your number. 70 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,852 They're not going to stop 'til you give me your number. 71 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,621 Give him your number. All right! 72 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:36,655 It works! 73 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,524 ( Cheering ) 74 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:42,528 I cannot believe that she gave him her number. 75 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,164 Maybe she really does have a brain injury. 76 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:46,965 Thank you, everyone. 77 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,433 Thank you, everyone. It's been fun. 78 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,102 It's wendy the waitress. Tip her well. 79 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,270 Thanks a lot, guys. 80 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,172 Troilus and cressida. Neighborhood playhouse. 81 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,340 Check them out, they're good, they're good. 82 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,143 I realize why I'm still single. 83 00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,811 I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. 84 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,147 If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect. 85 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,482 Well, what's perfect? 86 00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:05,884 It's not like I have a list. Oh, yes, you do. 87 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:06,985 Attractive, college-educated, 88 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,787 She wants two kids... a boy and a girl... 89 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,022 That's not hard. I know at least... 90 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,523 I'm not done. She likes dogs, 91 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,859 Otis redding, does the crossword. 92 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,694 She's into sports, but not so much so 93 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,363 That her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. 94 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,799 And she plays bass guitar like kim deal from the pixies. 95 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,334 Or kim gordon from sonic youth. 96 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,236 Any kim from any cool band, really. 97 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,671 Can't be too picky. 98 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,306 You're never going to find this girl. 99 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,975 Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. 100 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,678 I am done trying to plan the unplannable. 101 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,080 So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it? 102 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:38,250 That's the plan. 103 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:42,087 And little did I know, at that very moment, 104 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,022 Fate... in the form of a 600 gigahertz 105 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,058 Superprocessing computer... 106 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,760 Was taking care of it. 107 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,330 ( beeping ) 108 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,898 ( groaning softly) 109 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,566 Whoa, you're up early. 110 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,535 Yeah, thought I'd whip up some pancakes. 111 00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:57,569 Does marshall know? 112 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,904 He's still sound asleep. 113 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:06,912 Awesome. 114 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,581 So awesome. 115 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,416 God! Best girl ever. 116 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,618 Screw these pancakes, 117 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,120 I should cover you in syrup and gobble you up. 118 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:18,624 Ted: Please don't do that. 119 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,259 Hey, is this milk any good? 120 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,128 ( Retches, spits ) 121 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,797 Oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday. 122 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,767 God, why didn't you throw it away? 123 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,435 Lily: I'm going shopping after work. 124 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,970 I'll pick up some milk. 125 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,438 ( Groans): Oh...! 126 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,341 These pancakes are delightful. 127 00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:41,780 What's wrong, baby? 128 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,749 This is the high point of my day. 129 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,250 It was true. 130 00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:46,752 See, marshall had always dreamed 131 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,720 Of using his law degree to protect the environment. 132 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,489 But he needed money for the wedding, 133 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,058 So he'd been interning for two months at barney's firm... 134 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,660 And he hated every minute of it. 135 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,762 Hey, barney, I had some questions 136 00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,664 About filling out these requisition forms. 137 00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,666 Binoculars. 138 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:00,999 Second pair on my desk. 139 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,068 I don't have time to be creepy, dude. 140 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,469 I have a lot of work to do. 141 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,871 Just take a look, will ya? 142 00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:11,076 Okay, corner office. Top floor. 143 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,345 Check out that guy. 144 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,914 Name's clark butterfield. 145 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,150 He works over at nicholson, hewitt and west 146 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,018 And every morning, he orders a sandwich 147 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,320 From the deli downstairs. 148 00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:22,454 So? 149 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:25,991 So guess what I did to that sandwich? 150 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,426 Here, I took a picture. 151 00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:32,664 Oh! Sweet lord. 152 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:36,968 And now I'm e-mailing said picture to him. 153 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:40,238 ( Evil chuckling ) 154 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,381 Ooh! Duck! 155 00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,049 That is sick! 156 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:55,787 Why would you do that? 157 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,956 Who knows? This feud goes so far back 158 00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,025 I can't remember who fired the first shot. You? 159 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,360 Totally. 160 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,529 Well, look, if you would just... 161 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,265 Help me fill out these forms, that would be great. 162 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:09,201 What? 163 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,569 Butterfield is going to retaliate 164 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,003 Within the next four hours. 165 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,638 That's been his pattern. 166 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,573 This is war, eriksen. 167 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:15,974 I need you to clear your schedule, 168 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,709 Call lily, tell her you'll be home late. 169 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,077 This is stupid. 170 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,846 Stu... Come on, man, 171 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,648 I didn't recruit you to work here for your lawyering skills. 172 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:27,552 I recruited you to be my executive mischief consultant. 173 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,755 This is a job for me, barney. 174 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,757 It's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it. 175 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,760 Now I'm sorry, but I have work to do. 176 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,328 ( Typing ) 177 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,264 Tracy, could you come in here, please? 178 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,235 Would you please inform mr. Eriksen 179 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,803 That I'm no longer speaking to him. 180 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,774 Mr. Eriksen, mr. Stinson 181 00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:51,143 Is no longer... I get it. Thank you, tracy. 182 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,347 ( Telephone rings ) 183 00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:57,949 Hello? 184 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:02,087 Hello. May I speak with a mr. Ted mosby? 185 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:02,888 Speaking. 186 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,689 Mr. Mosby, how you doing, sir? 187 00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,225 Bob rorschach over here at love solutions. 188 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,728 You signed up for our services about six months ago. 189 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:10,962 Uh, yeah. 190 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,764 You guys never found me a match. 191 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,899 Right. Well... 192 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,901 Actually, that's why I'm calling. 193 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,602 We found her, sir. 194 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,172 We found your soul mate. 195 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,280 I don't understand. What happened to ellen pierce? 196 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,448 Doesn't she run this place? 197 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,616 Well, my firm bought out the company. 198 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,453 You know, we're a high-end meats and textiles conglomerate, 199 00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:35,887 But the geniuses 200 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:39,291 At corporate decided they wanted to diversify, so... 201 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,792 Here I am. 202 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,961 So I'm in good hands. 203 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,563 You found me a match? 204 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,797 There she is. 205 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,098 Your soul mate. 206 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,600 That'll be 500 bucks. 207 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,669 No way. The last time I did this, 208 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,003 The girl turned out to be engaged. 209 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,638 She's not engaged. 210 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,140 She's your soul mate. 211 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,508 Just read the file. 212 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:59,077 ( Sighs ) 213 00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:01,913 So I read the file. 214 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,950 And by god, this woman was perfect. 215 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:08,119 She liked dogs, she spent her summers in north carolina, 216 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,856 She played bass guitar, she did the times crossword, 217 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,657 She played tennis, she liked old movies, 218 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,793 Her favorite food was lasagna, her favorite book was 219 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,829 Her favorite singer was otis redding 220 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,532 And she wanted two kids... a boy and a girl. 221 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,667 All right, fine. 222 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,102 Set it up. 223 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:25,971 You wanted to see me, 224 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,806 So I guess that means we're talking again? 225 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,541 Will you taste this latte for me? 226 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,076 I think they gave me decaf. 227 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,115 Tastes normal to me. 228 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,650 That's what I thought, too. 229 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,285 Then I got this e-mail from butterfield. 230 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,354 Oh, god! 231 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,789 It got me as well. 232 00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,725 Well, then why did you have me drink it?! 233 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,360 Because now... 234 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,028 You're in. 235 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,830 Marshall: Okay. 236 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,565 Don't think I'm overlooking 237 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:56,668 The obvious fact that I should just be mad at you. 238 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,371 But executive mischief consultant marshall eriksen 239 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,973 Reporting for duty. 240 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,742 Let's make that bastard pay. 241 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,844 You think that we should brush our teeth first? 242 00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,646 Yeah, it's probably a good idea. 243 00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:10,682 So that night I had a blind date 244 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,017 With my perfect match. 245 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,419 I was so excited, I got there early. 246 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,021 But before it even started... 247 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,622 ( cell phone rings ) 248 00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,025 Lily? 249 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:21,927 Hey, ted, are you busy? 250 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,262 Um... Yes. 251 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,531 Oh, right. Soul mate. Forgot. 252 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,767 Listen, could you take a cab out to duchess county 253 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:32,170 And change a flat on marshall's fiero? 254 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,039 What? No. 255 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,407 Can't you just call marshall? 256 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,742 Marshall can't know about this. 257 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,711 Look, ted, it's dark, 258 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,346 I don't know how to change a tire, 259 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,048 And I've stumbled into the beginning 260 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,617 Of a very scary campfire story. 261 00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:46,851 Can you please hurry? 262 00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:47,853 I can't, I'm waiting... 263 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,554 Oh, my god, is that a drifter 264 00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:51,189 With a hook for a hand? 265 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,425 ( Gasps ): No, drifter, no! 266 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:54,626 Come on, lily. 267 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,861 But you see my point. 268 00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:57,863 ( Sighs ) 269 00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,230 All right, stay there. 270 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,466 I'm on my way. 271 00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:11,710 Ted: And, so, one $90 cab ride later, 272 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,082 Oh, thank god. 273 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,317 I'm so sorry about this. 274 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,552 Did you get ahold of your date? 275 00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,120 Yes. And was she okay 276 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,755 About pushing it back? Yes. 277 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,790 Because she's perfect. So what am I doing here? 278 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,926 You can never tell marshall. 279 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:32,430 Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl. 280 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,266 I swear on luke and leia. 281 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:39,938 About a month ago, I started getting insomnia. 282 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:43,308 Marrying marshall had been all I wanted for a long time. 283 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,176 But, now that it was really happening, 284 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,512 It seemed kind of huge and scary. 285 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,147 Ted: Did you talk to marshall about it? 286 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,949 Lily: He wouldn't have understood. 287 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:53,485 He's not exactly nervous about tying the knot. 288 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,587 ( snoring) 289 00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,925 So I spent my nights reading, painting, 290 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,194 Setting the high score on super bomber man... 291 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,763 Ted: That was you? Awesome! 292 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,298 Lily: I know! I just got in the zone and... 293 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,467 Not the point of the story. 294 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,803 And then I started thinking about victoria 295 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,772 And how she followed her dream to germany, 296 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,674 And I found this art fellowship. 297 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:18,276 Let me guess. It's somewhere far away. 298 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,945 San francisco. 299 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,448 But it's not like I'm going to do it. 300 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,884 The dates conflict with the wedding. 301 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,787 But I love painting, 302 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:32,490 And I've always wondered if I'm any good. 303 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,392 This was a way to find out. 304 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,227 And the interview is tonight. 305 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,296 In new haven. 306 00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:44,202 You don't want to get married. 307 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,338 Of course I want to get married. 308 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:51,009 I... It's not like I was ever going to do it. 309 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:54,979 I just... I just really wanted to see if I could get this. 310 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,248 Lily, we live in the center 311 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,184 Of art and culture in america. 312 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,885 I'm sure you could find a program here 313 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,053 That's just as selective. 314 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,422 But you chose one in a city 3,000 miles away, 315 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,091 And you didn't tell marshall. 316 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,927 I think it's pretty clear what that means. 317 00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:15,100 Okay, I was... I was having second thoughts. 318 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,234 Oh, man! 319 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,369 But I'm not anymore. 320 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:21,573 I... I mean, this flat tire was a sign. 321 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,608 I'm not supposed to do this. 322 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:27,846 I'm supposed to go home and-and be with marshall. 323 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,948 You must think I'm so stupid. 324 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:32,016 I don't think you're stupid. 325 00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,785 I love marshall. 326 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,253 I know you do. Come here. 327 00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:41,526 It's okay. Look... 328 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,128 Marriage is big. 329 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,863 You're allowed to freak out. 330 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:47,398 But why am I the only one? 331 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,901 How come marshall isn't doing anything crazy? 332 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:54,939 So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice. 333 00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,610 All done. 334 00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:03,381 Ted, let's go to new haven. 335 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,917 Lily, don't do this to yourself. 336 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,720 I just need to know if I can get in. 337 00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:10,889 If I do this interview, and get into the program, 338 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,625 Then I'll know, and I can forget all about it, and get married. 339 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,627 Come on! 340 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:15,994 It's an adventure. 341 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,262 No, it's not an adventure. 342 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,396 It's a mistake. 343 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,331 Okay, yes, it's a mistake. 344 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,833 I know it's a mistake. 345 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,968 But there are certain things in life 346 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,270 Where you know it's a mistake 347 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,805 But you don't really know it's a mistake 348 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,840 Because the only way to really know it's a mistake 349 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,975 Is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, "yep. 350 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,110 That was a mistake." 351 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,845 So, really, the bigger mistake 352 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,413 Would be to not make the mistake, 353 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,815 Because then you go your whole life 354 00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:39,250 Not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. 355 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,486 And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! 356 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,989 I've done all of this... my life, my relationship, 357 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,826 My career... mistake-free. 358 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:50,261 Does any of this make sense to you? 359 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,664 I don't know. You said "mistake" a lot. 360 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:56,267 Lily, don't do this. 361 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,802 Ted, I'm getting married in two months, 362 00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,938 And I'm freaking out, and you're my best friend, 363 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,639 And you just have to forgive me for this. 364 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,007 Forgive you for what? 365 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,910 Lily. Lily! 366 00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:16,387 Hey, lily, this is ted, 367 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,324 The guy you left stranded by the side of the road. 368 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,492 I just wanted to say good luck with the interview, 369 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:22,794 Remember to pick up some milk... 370 00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:24,562 Oh, and, when I get home, 371 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,165 I'm going to kill you. 372 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,534 And, also, I texted you the same thing. 373 00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:38,843 Hey, I need a big favor. 374 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,011 Anything, bro. 375 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,046 I need you to come up to duchess county and pick me up. 376 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,681 No. 377 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,683 It's kind of an emergency. 378 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,318 What are you doing in duchess county? 379 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,187 Apple picking. 380 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,521 Can you just get up here? 381 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:53,024 I wish I could help, buddy, but I'm stuck here at work. 382 00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,525 We're kind of swamped. 383 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,760 Is that ted? 384 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,262 Yeah. He's stuck in duchess county. 385 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,330 Don't you have a big date tonight? 386 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,166 Uh... Marshall. Hi. Yes. Yes, I do. 387 00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:04,202 So what are you doing in duchess county? 388 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,504 Can't a brother go apple picking 389 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,207 Without getting the third degree? Damn! 390 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,175 Okay, well, hang on. I'm coming to get you. 391 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,745 Relax, man. I'll take the fiero. 392 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,780 No, no, no. Just... Forget it. 393 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,515 Ha, ha! A little prank. 394 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,017 I'm not in duchess county. 395 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,518 So that's the prank? 396 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,587 That you're not in duchess county? 397 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,723 Yep. Gotcha! Classic! 398 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,292 Gotta go. 399 00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:31,863 Hey, check out this one. 400 00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:34,098 It actually looks like butterfield. 401 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,701 You know, over at the nrdc, 402 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,403 It's a bunch of really committed people 403 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:39,737 Who take their job of saving the earth 404 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:42,106 Very, very seriously. 405 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,808 Which is great, and everything, 406 00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:47,111 But I can't imagine having this much fun over there. 407 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,981 You thinking about coming to work here full-time? 408 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,950 Maybe. 409 00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:53,985 Don't tell lily, okay? 410 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:55,386 Taking off for the night. 411 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,754 Thanks, tracy. 412 00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:01,159 Are you guys planning on punching some holes in that box? 413 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,962 Of course we are. 414 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:06,731 Were you going to think of that? No. 415 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,633 That would have been bad. Horrible. Ooh! 416 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,303 Luckily, there was still one person I could call 417 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,571 To get a ride home. 418 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,139 Need a ride, cowboy? 419 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,475 Sorry. I don't get in vans with strangers. 420 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,410 Hmm, too bad. I got candy. 421 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,179 Candy?! 422 00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,350 So you're not going to tell me what you were doing 423 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,518 By the side of a highway in duchess county? 424 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,020 Nope. Sworn to secrecy. 425 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:30,355 Oh, come on. 426 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,856 I like your hat. 427 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,425 Right. This is embarrassing. 428 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,027 I got highlights. 429 00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,830 Oh, for the waiting room of your dental practice? 430 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,766 Highlights is a children's magazine. 431 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:42,800 Yeah, I got it. 432 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,470 I thought it might look cool. 433 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:47,939 Of course my colorist took "highlights" to mean, 434 00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:51,175 "I want to look like a tiger," hence the hat. 435 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,777 Oh. I gotta see this. 436 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:53,779 No way. 437 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:54,780 Please. 438 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,214 I bet it doesn't look that bad. 439 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,816 I bet it looks grr-eat! 440 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:03,554 So, she says, changing the subject. 441 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,123 Big date tonight. 442 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,358 How does she rate on the mosby checklist? 443 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,726 Kind of amazingly. 444 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,194 Uh, she's 28, like me. 445 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,563 Wow, I'm 28. 446 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,298 Hmm. Uh... 447 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,466 College educated... check. 448 00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,868 Plays tennis... check. 449 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,704 Uh, favorite book is love in the time of cholera... check. 450 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,005 I read that. 451 00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:23,841 More like "love in the time of don't bothera." 452 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,410 ( laughs ) 453 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,345 You know, it's very rude to wear a hat indoors. 454 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,679 I'm just saying. 455 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,881 We're not indoors. We're in a van. 456 00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,883 Vans have doors... let me see your hair. 457 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,818 Never. What else? 458 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:34,852 She loves lasagna. 459 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:35,854 Barf. 460 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,922 You know, I am sensing a pattern here. 461 00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,857 What else? 462 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:40,992 ( Inhales deeply) 463 00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:42,060 Let's see what else... 464 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,995 Oh, she doesn't look like a tiger... check. 465 00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:45,263 Ah! 466 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,999 And she's looking to get married and have kids? 467 00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:49,167 Check and check. 468 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,668 She wants two kids... a boy and a girl. 469 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,103 Wow. 470 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,906 You know, I've been thinking about this. 471 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:57,075 I think I want to have zero kids. 472 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,709 Really? You don't want kids? 473 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:03,014 You know, ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you. 474 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,517 Hey. I'm driving. 475 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,622 ( Sighs) look at that. 476 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,424 8:56. You're early. 477 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,860 Hey, thanks for picking me up. 478 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:16,894 Good luck on your date. 479 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,797 I hope she's everything you're looking for. 480 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,166 Thanks. 481 00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:25,570 ( Exhales heavily ) 482 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,272 All right, you've clearly had a rough night. 483 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,740 I want you to go in there 484 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:33,411 With a smile on your face, so, uh, here's what I'm going to do. 485 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,912 You're going to show me your hair? 486 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,948 Actually, I was going to show you my breasts, 487 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,549 But... Sure, we can do hair. 488 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:39,984 ( Chuckles ) 489 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,126 ( chuckles softly ) 490 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,294 You just made my night. 491 00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,998 Go. 492 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,068 ♪ Oh, mother of pearl 493 00:18:57,070 --> 00:19:03,841 ♪ submarine lover in a shrinking world ♪ 494 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,611 ♪ Oh, lonely dreamer 495 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:12,850 ♪ your choker provokes a picture cameo ♪ 496 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,520 ♪ Oh, mother of pearl 497 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:22,293 ♪ so, so semi-precious in your detached world ♪ 498 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,129 ♪ Oh, mother of pearl 499 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:29,534 ♪ I wouldn't trade you for another girl ♪ 500 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,438 ♪ Oh, mother of pearl 501 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:39,210 ♪ I wouldn't trade you for another girl ♪ 502 00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:43,314 ♪ Oh, mother of pearl 503 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:46,784 ♪ I wouldn't trade you for another girl... ♪ 504 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,220 ( Music stops) 505 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,961 Tomorrow morning, barney's going to send out the package, 506 00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,064 And butterfield's going to be knee-deep in angry white mice. 507 00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,399 ( Iaughing ) 508 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,401 Oh, hey, dude. 509 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,568 Hey, guys. 510 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,169 Hi. 511 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,504 Hey. 512 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:10,708 So, lil, did you, uh, get the milk? 513 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,843 Yeah. 514 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,580 Yeah, I-I got it. 515 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:19,317 You think you might want to... Drink the milk? 516 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:22,019 No. 517 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,654 Nope, I'm good. 518 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:27,124 I don't need any milk. 519 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:31,529 Look, guys, I know milk is important... 520 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,031 It's got vitamin a, vitamin d, 521 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,100 It's a great way to start the morning... 522 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,435 But ted just had a huge date. 523 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,936 How'd it go, dude? 524 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,005 I didn't go. 525 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,540 What? Why? 526 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:45,042 I changed my mind. I don't want to meet her. 527 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,211 Why? She sounds perfect. 528 00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:49,714 I don't want perfect. 529 00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:51,182 I want robin. 530 00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:54,452 Oh, god, not this again. 531 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:55,886 Ted, it's a mistake. 532 00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:57,521 Maybe. 533 00:20:57,523 --> 00:20:59,924 But it's a mistake I have to make. 534 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,526 Wrong. It's a mistake you don't have to make. 535 00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:03,761 Look at the evidence. 536 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,230 You and robin have tried this again and again... 537 00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,132 Ted: Here's the thing about mistakes. 538 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,035 Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, 539 00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:13,037 You gotta make it anyway. 540 00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:16,107 Ah, sweet damn that's a hot plate. 541 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,508 Hey, is this milk any good? 542 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:20,945 ( Grunts and spits ) 543 00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:27,218 Even really, really dumb mistakes. 544 00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:28,686 ( mouse squeaking )