1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,602 Ted: Kids, you know that photo in the den? 2 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:06,438 It was taken back in 2006, when grandma and grandpa 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,607 Came to visit me and we all went out to brunch. 4 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,342 We all look pretty happy, right? 5 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,443 Wrong. 6 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,145 I wish your face would melt off. 7 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,513 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 8 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,782 I hate you. I hate you more. 9 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:17,816 I'm going to kill him. 10 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,118 I can't say I blame you. 11 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,520 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 12 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,855 I don't care how unpleasant it is. 13 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,823 You have to talk to him. Not now. 14 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:25,791 Okay, if you don't, I will. 15 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,493 Robin... 16 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,561 Okay, for any of this to make sense, 17 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,364 You got to understand, there are three parts to this story. 18 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,867 Let's start with the marshall and lily part. 19 00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:38,637 As a 30th anniversary gift, I had flown 20 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,472 My parents to new york for the weekend. 21 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,708 Oh, I forgot to tell you, your cousin jimmy 22 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,577 Had a wonderful time at that spa he visited. 23 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,146 You mean the spa the judge ordered him 24 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,514 To go to to quit cocaine? 25 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:49,915 Coffee? 26 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:52,651 Now, grandma and grandpa didn't like to talk 27 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,820 About things that were uncomfortable, emotional, 28 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:57,990 Or in any way... Real. 29 00:00:57,992 --> 00:00:59,091 Hi, mr. And mrs. Mosby. 30 00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,326 Oh, lily! Hi, marshall. 31 00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:02,828 Good to see you. 32 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:03,662 I was just stopping by 33 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,664 To pick up some of my things. 34 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,400 Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your... 35 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,669 You know, the, the... 36 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,173 Well... 37 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,874 Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me? 38 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:19,078 Me begging marshall to take me back and him rejecting me? 39 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,979 I love your hair. 40 00:01:21,003 --> 00:01:31,003 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 41 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,363 Ted: This was only the second time marshall and lily 42 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,032 Had seen each other since breaking up, 43 00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,234 But to their credit, it wasn't that awkward. 44 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,535 Actually, we're cool. 45 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,937 We just divided up cds. 46 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,705 It was all very civil. 47 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,574 I'm proud of us; we're, we're good. 48 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:49,708 Mrs. Mosby: Well, we were all 49 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,211 Going to go to casa a pezzi at 8:00. 50 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,912 Lily, would you like to join us? 51 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,115 Um... 52 00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,249 What? 53 00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,051 Well, I-I don't want to go 54 00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:01,386 If it would make you uncomfortable. 55 00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,821 Why would it? 56 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:06,258 Well, I mean, yeah, we're... We're good, 57 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:10,762 But you got to admit there's that stuff between us. 58 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,297 Um, not for me. 59 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,233 Now it's just like we're friends. 60 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:17,302 It's like we're brother and sister. 61 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,306 "Brother and sister"?! 62 00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:22,774 Okay. 63 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,477 Fine, yeah, I'll see you at the restaurant, bro. 64 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:31,250 See? Not awkward at all. 65 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,252 Lily: Hello, everyone. Hi. Hi. 66 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,353 Hello, marshall. 67 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,954 Mrs. Mosby: Lily, that is 68 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,256 A stunning dress. 69 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,924 Oh, thanks. 70 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,125 It's kind of revealing, 71 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,028 But I thought, "hey, we're all family." 72 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,263 Right, bro? 73 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,265 Ooh. Ow. 74 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,132 What's wrong? 75 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,935 Oh, I, I hurt my ankle in yoga today. 76 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,671 The instructor told me to just take deep breaths 77 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,374 To get through the pain, just... 78 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,981 Are you all right? 79 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,950 You're kind of sweating. 80 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,351 No, I'm fine. 81 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,355 It's just... This roll is really spicy. 82 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:14,393 She just wore that dress to torture me. 83 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,461 Well, you know what? Two can play at that game. 84 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,997 See, at brunch, I'm going to torture lily right back. 85 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,299 Yeah. 86 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,335 There's a part of my body that she's got a weakness for, too. 87 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:26,004 Dude, you can't whip that out at brunch. 88 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,307 No, not that. 89 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:31,410 I'm going to unleash my calves. 90 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,479 That's crazy. 91 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,415 Nobody's turned on by men's calves. 92 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,984 They're a thoroughly unerotic body part. 93 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,419 Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, 94 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,754 If I had those skinny little chicken legs. 95 00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:47,392 I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology. 96 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:51,496 So marshall showed up at brunch with a plan. 97 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:52,831 Hello. Oh, hi. 98 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,333 Hey, marshall. Hey. 99 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,867 Hey. How are you feeling? 100 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,836 You looked kind of feverish last night. 101 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,005 Oh, no, I actually feel great. 102 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:03,408 It is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it? 103 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,078 Oh, I don't know, if anything, it's kind of... 104 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,212 What are you doing? 105 00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,214 Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. 106 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:13,018 I'm just making myself feel a little bit more... Comfortable. 107 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,791 Oh. 108 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,026 Oh, yes. 109 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,863 I've been doing all these toe lifts lately, and so... 110 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,033 My calves have really been cramping up. 111 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,111 Take off your dress. 112 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:40,879 Take off the rest of your pants. 113 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,914 Oh. Oh. 114 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,383 I really wasn't expecting that to happen. 115 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,817 Yeah, me neither. 116 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,819 It kind of complicates things, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. 117 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,822 Why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? 118 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,924 You know you have a punter's leg. 119 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,460 Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? 120 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:58,063 You know you have... Boobs. 121 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:01,833 Just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me. 122 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,602 Seduce you? You seduced me. 123 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,905 You sat down next to me and took most of your pants off. 124 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,573 You went to san francisco for three months. 125 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:10,409 How is that seducing you? 126 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,743 Well, it's not but I'm still mad about it. 127 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,613 All right, that's it... I want the beatles anthology. 128 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:15,914 Oh, well, that's too bad; I'm keeping it. 129 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,916 And you know the u2 box set I gave you? 130 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,085 Look inside... All dave matthews. 131 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,420 You are evil. 132 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,888 Smile. 133 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,024 I'm going to kill him. 134 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,492 I can't say I blame you. 135 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,995 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 136 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:34,199 Now let's talk about the barney part of the story. 137 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:38,270 This was going to be robin's first time meeting my parents, 138 00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,706 So we were both a little nervous. 139 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,809 Barney, what are you doing here? 140 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,310 Uh... I'm here to meet your parents. 141 00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,446 They must be dying to meet me after all 142 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,214 The legendary barney stories you've told them. 143 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,783 I haven't told them any legendary barney stories. What? 144 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,819 Barney, here is a list of all the things 145 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:58,056 I talk with my dad about: Baseball. 146 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,559 But I'm your best friend. 147 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:01,793 Well, actually marshall's my... 148 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,228 I'm the most important person in your life. 149 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,564 Well, robin's actually... Barney: How could your parents 150 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:06,998 Not know about me? 151 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,970 To us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. 152 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,739 I mean, come on, you're not exactly 153 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,174 The kind of friend parents want their kid to have. 154 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,743 Oh, really? 155 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,145 Then I guess those shoes aren't the thing 156 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,147 You're most wrong about today. 157 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,884 Um... 158 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:26,651 Hey, mom. 159 00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,019 Hey, dad. Mr. Mosby: Ted. 160 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,488 I know you've all been excited to meet... 161 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,922 Barney stinson. 162 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,658 An honor to meet the two of you. 163 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,094 That needlepoint "bless this mess" pillow you made for ted... 164 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,195 What a stitch. 165 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,264 Stitch! Did that just happen? 166 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,167 Uh, mom, dad, 167 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,201 This is my girlfriend, robin. 168 00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:44,203 Hello. Robin: Hello. 169 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,437 Mrs. Mosby: Oh, it's wonderful 170 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:46,505 To meet you, robin. 171 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,240 Oh, you are so pretty. 172 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,074 Isn't she pretty, al? 173 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,675 A real looker. 174 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,278 That's funny, I didn't even "look" in the mirror today. 175 00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:57,249 That's not anything, is it? 176 00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:02,287 So, I made a reservation at san marino tonight for 8:00. 177 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,523 San marino. 178 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,591 Oh, you're serious? Yikes. 179 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,860 No. We have to try casa a pezzi. 180 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,730 Best salmon risotto I have ever had. 181 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,365 I love salmon risotto. 182 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:14,933 I know. 183 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:18,370 How are we supposed to get a table at casa a pezzi? 184 00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:19,372 They're booked for weeks. 185 00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:20,539 Well, lucky for you, 186 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,407 I happen to know the head waitress, 187 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,542 Which is ironic because... 188 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,646 Ironic because we both work 189 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,215 At a homeless shelter where I serve the food. 190 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:34,252 Where do you volunteer, robin? 191 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,754 What's the matter with you? 192 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,989 I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not even trying that hard. 193 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,825 Way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass. 194 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,387 Robin, I'm his best friend. 195 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,831 Girlfriend, that's like a bad flu. 196 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:48,233 Out of your system after a couple weeks in bed. 197 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,955 High five. 198 00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:51,236 Can I help? 199 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,405 Yes, you can, virginia. 200 00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:55,173 There's a story behind that brooch, 201 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,341 And I'm going to hear it. 202 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,909 Well, funny you should ask. 203 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:05,951 Mr. Mosby: Whoa! Bravo, barney. 204 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,920 That is my all-time favorite sonata. 205 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,655 Barney, you are just delightful. 206 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,692 No, virginia, you're delightful, I am deligh-ted. 207 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,093 And he's just ted. 208 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,595 I'm really not planning these things; 209 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,263 They just keep happening. 210 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:22,300 I think I dropped an ice cube down here. 211 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,002 Ow, it's so cold. 212 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,671 All right, that's it, I'm out of here. 213 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,008 In a minute. 214 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,877 Anyone up for a drink at maclaren's? 215 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,145 No, I'm kind of tired. Me, too. 216 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,180 Yeah, I'm sure my folks are gonna want... 217 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:38,283 I feel like I could knock back a few cervezas. 218 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,684 Cervezas? 219 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,119 Did he fall? 220 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:45,390 But I want to get up early for mass tomorrow. 221 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:48,527 St. Peter's, 8:45 a.M., it's my favorite service. 222 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:53,198 Wait a minute... you're able to cross the threshold of a church? 223 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,466 I'll save you a seat. 224 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:57,068 Oh, you are just terrific. 225 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,803 Isn't he, susan? 226 00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:00,672 Robin. 227 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,275 Susan, her name is virginia. 228 00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:09,147 Dude, I am sincerely ticked at your dad right now. 229 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:13,018 Last night, we go to maclaren's for a drink, right? 230 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,987 So barney darts back into the burning house, 231 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,323 Lifts up the refrigerator I'm pinned under 232 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,724 And pulls me to safety. 233 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,527 Whoa. You're like a hero. 234 00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,496 Oh, I'm no hero, wendy. 235 00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,197 You know who is a hero? 236 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:29,334 My dalmatian, smokey. 237 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:33,872 He... Didn't... Make it out. 238 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:37,309 I'm sorry. 239 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,412 You poor, brave man. 240 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:43,214 Why don't you give the guy a hug? 241 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,483 I'm... Oh. 242 00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:50,855 My dad was your wingman? 243 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,558 This is really messing with my head. 244 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,460 Barney, is my dad cool? 245 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,861 I'm not done. 246 00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:58,697 So, your dad stays to finish his drink, 247 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,065 But I take off, 248 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:03,268 Because I have to be up early for mass with your mom. 249 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,402 Sure. 250 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,372 Anyway, I realize that I left my phone on the bar, 251 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,773 So I come back... 252 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,414 Mmm... 253 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,318 Oh, my god. 254 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,221 Is that really... 255 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,056 Oh, my god! 256 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:29,461 Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that? 257 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,736 My dad made out with wendy the waitress? 258 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:38,903 He cheated on my mom? 259 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,271 No, that's impossible. 260 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,575 Ted, it's a well-known statistic that 83% of people 261 00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:46,645 Married longer than six months are seeing someone on the side. 262 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,279 Do you know that when you make up 263 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,648 A statistic, you always use "83%"? 264 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,282 You think I'm lying. 265 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,785 Well, have you done any surveys on the subject? 266 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,420 Because the good people at 267 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:59,691 Www.Swingers.Open-marriage-is natural\legalize-polygamy.Org 268 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,660 Have, and they beg to differ. 269 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,094 That's not a real web site. 270 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,363 Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real t-shirt 271 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,531 For running in their 10k. 272 00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:12,203 Hi, dad. Hey, ted. 273 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,472 Ted: Enjoying your vacation so far? 274 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,940 Oh, yeah. 275 00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,176 Uh, listen, can I speak to you outside for a sec? 276 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,277 Sure. 277 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,316 So you went out with barney last night? 278 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,618 Yeah. 279 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:27,819 You have a good time? 280 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,381 Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry you couldn't join us. 281 00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,693 Yeah. 282 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,461 So... 283 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:37,796 What? 284 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,832 Well... 285 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,567 Well, what? 286 00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:47,405 You think cerrano's got a shot at the rbi title? 287 00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,742 I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. 288 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,644 I guess I got the let's-not-talk-about- 289 00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:55,647 Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, 290 00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:56,681 That's for sure. 291 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,383 Smile. 292 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,818 Great. 293 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,720 I don't care how unpleasant it is. 294 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,188 You have to talk to him. 295 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,089 Not now. 296 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,824 Okay, if you don't, I will. 297 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:06,826 Robin...! 298 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,260 Ted: Okay, now I got to back up 299 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:13,431 To tell you the me and robin part of the story. 300 00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:17,535 We were expecting my parents at any minute. 301 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,003 One last thing about my mom. 302 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,405 She grills every single one of 303 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,907 My girlfriends about when we're gonna get married and have kids. 304 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,843 But this is the first time she's meeting me. 305 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:25,845 Doesn't matter. 306 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,245 And you'll know it's coming 307 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,048 When she mentions my cousin stacy... six kids in five years. 308 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,950 The woman's basically a ride at a water park. 309 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:35,854 But I don't want to get married and have kids. 310 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,622 What am I supposed to say? 311 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,224 You know what? 312 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,760 You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. 313 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,428 You shouldn't have to apologize for them. 314 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,797 I'm gonna lie. I would. 315 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,899 Thanks again for letting me have 316 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,100 The u2 box set. 317 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,603 I know how important it is to you. 318 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,038 I talked to aunt caroline the other day. 319 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,474 Stacy's pregnant again. 320 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,043 Oh, good for her. 321 00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,546 So, dear... Oh, boy. 322 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,881 Tell us what it's like being a journalist. 323 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,048 I'm just not ready. 324 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,618 Okay. No pressure. 325 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,886 Oh. 326 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:10,588 Uh, I thought you, um... 327 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:11,756 It's great. 328 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,958 Good. Focus on your job now, 329 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,127 Because your career clock is ticking. 330 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,929 There's time for marriage and kids 331 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,064 And all that other stuff later. 332 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,067 Ooh, a piano! 333 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,070 Ted: You lucked out with 334 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,405 My mom last night, huh? 335 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,907 What a relief, right? 336 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,575 Oh, absolutely. Whew, what a relief it is 337 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,609 To know I'm the one girlfriend 338 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,745 Your mom doesn't want you to have kids with. 339 00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:36,414 Hooray? 340 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,917 I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend 341 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,119 Cheryl would pop out attractive children? 342 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,254 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, 343 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,323 That girl had a brow ridge like a caveman. 344 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,459 Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. 345 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,862 And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. 346 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,097 It was her... It's not important. 347 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,035 What happened to marshall and lily? 348 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,269 They've been fighting lately. 349 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,605 They're probably off somewhere going at it. 350 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,940 More coffee? 351 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:04,809 Oh, no, thank you. 352 00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:06,711 Isn't she sweet? 353 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,881 Well, if she's so sweet, maybe she should have ted's babies. 354 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,317 Excuse me? 355 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,519 Nothing. 356 00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:20,992 Lily: Just a minute. 357 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,360 Marshall: Maybe less. 358 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,062 Robin, dear. 359 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,897 Did I say something to upset you? 360 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,966 Why don't you want me to have your grandkids? 361 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,902 Do you want to have my grandkids? 362 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:31,970 No! 363 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,738 I mean, I don't know. 364 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:34,806 I just... 365 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:36,007 I want you to want me 366 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,075 To want to have your grandkids. 367 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,042 And you should. 368 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,044 I'm a genetic gold mine. 369 00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:41,713 No family history of diabetes 370 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:45,783 Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. 371 00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,321 I had one schizophrenic uncle, but even he had perfect vision, 372 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,190 Which was unfortunate for the people around 373 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:55,026 The bell tower he was in, but still he was 374 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,728 A very fine man, and... 375 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,996 Excuse me. Sorry. 376 00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,497 Didn't know that there was a line. 377 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,766 Marshall, your zipper. 378 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,167 Oh. Right. 379 00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,710 Robin, it's not that I don't want grandkids. 380 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,246 It's just I don't think anyone should make the mistake 381 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,081 Of getting married too young. 382 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,249 Why do you say that? 383 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,018 I mean, you got married pretty young. 384 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,185 That wasn't a mistake. 385 00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:23,955 Was it? 386 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,957 Well... 387 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,859 Okay, there's something you don't know. 388 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,061 Waitress: Smile. 389 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,529 I wish your face would melt off. 390 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,964 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 391 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,032 I'm gonna kill him. 392 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,133 I don't care how unpleasant it is, 393 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,301 You have to talk to him. 394 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,102 Not now. Okay, if you don't, I will. 395 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,238 Robin...! 396 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,074 Oh, gosh, let me help you pick those up, sweetheart. 397 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,475 Sweetheart? 398 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,944 Sweetheart?! 399 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,045 The only sweetheart in your life 400 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,379 Should be the woman you married 30 years ago, 401 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,048 Not the waitress at the bar last night 402 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,449 And not this clumsy floozy! 403 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,384 I'm sorry, you're not a floozy. 404 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,426 I'm upset; I don't know what I'm saying. 405 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,122 But stay away from my dad. 406 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,925 Ted, what are you talking about? 407 00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,393 Dad? 408 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,063 You, uh, want to tell mom 409 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:07,198 What happened at the bar last night? 410 00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,169 Okay. 411 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,371 I hooked up with a waitress. 412 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,673 Oh. 413 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,108 "Oh"? 414 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,344 I mean, oh! 415 00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:22,080 Oh! Ooh! 416 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,481 We're going to have a serious talk 417 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,016 About this when we get home, al. 418 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,751 Oh, ooh! 419 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,653 Serious talk? 420 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,487 Mom, what...? 421 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,989 He was kissing another woman. 422 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:31,991 Don't you care? 423 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,491 Mrs. Mosby? 424 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,963 Ted, we weren't quite sure how to tell you this... 425 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,833 Your mother and I are divorced. 426 00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:46,938 You... 427 00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:48,439 What do you mean you're divorced? 428 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:49,441 Since when? 429 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:52,143 Oh, gosh, it's been about nine months now. 430 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,778 Closer to ten, I think. 431 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,513 Time flies. 432 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,216 So ten months ago, you just up and decided 433 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,018 To get divorced without telling me? 434 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,652 No, it wasn't a snap decision. 435 00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,855 We'd been separated almost two years. 436 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,957 How could you not tell me this?! 437 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:09,293 We meant to, it just never seemed like the right time. 438 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,396 So last christmas...? 439 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,464 We talked about telling you kids then, 440 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,700 But it didn't seem very christmasy. 441 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,302 I got you a tandem bike. 442 00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:19,537 Oh, it didn't go to waste. 443 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,305 Your mother and frank ride it all the time. 444 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,074 Who the hell is frank?! 445 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,009 Oh, great guy. 446 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:26,811 I actually set them up. 447 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,179 You remember dr. Muchnik. 448 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,647 He did your braces. 449 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,552 Okay, my head's about to explode, 450 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,988 And I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, 451 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,823 So I am leaving. 452 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:40,558 Teddy bear, oh... 453 00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:47,098 You know, he mentioned he was divorced last night. 454 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,566 I totally spaced on that. 455 00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,670 Ooh, no line at the omelet station. 456 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:00,344 Lily... 457 00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:03,581 I'm sorry that I said all those things. 458 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,516 Me, too. 459 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:10,054 I just find it really confusing to be around you right now. 460 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,422 It's the same for me. 461 00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:14,625 I think we're probably both better off 462 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,894 Trying to keep some distance for a while. 463 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,363 Yeah, I think you're right. 464 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:28,873 Are you wearing a push-up bra? 465 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,141 Did you mystic tan your calves? 466 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,910 I withdraw the question. 467 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:36,547 We're sorry we didn't say anything about the divorce. 468 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,716 It was wrong not to tell you. 469 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,618 Thank you. 470 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,053 But listen, don't tell your sister. 471 00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,421 It would just upset her. 472 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:46,090 No, this is ridiculous! 473 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,060 We have to start talking about stuff, and not just baseball. 474 00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:51,562 Indians won today on a walk-off double. 475 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,132 Against the red sox? Boy, that's a big win. 476 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,299 No. No. No. 477 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,901 We're not gonna blow past this. 478 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:57,903 I mean, I don't even 479 00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,103 Know who you people. 480 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,605 I don't even know how you met. 481 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:02,940 I never told you how I met your mother? 482 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:03,841 No. 483 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,076 Oh, great story. 484 00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:06,978 At a bar. 485 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,647 That's it? 486 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,150 That's what passes for communication in our family? 487 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,351 Man, when I have kids, 488 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,486 And I tell them how I met their mother, 489 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,322 I'm gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story. 490 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,126 I think it was an irish bar. 491 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,930 I just, I don't... I don't understand. 492 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:26,932 You seemed so happy. 493 00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,132 When I was growing up, 494 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,867 You seemed so... 495 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,202 What happened? 496 00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,771 We just realized we're very different people. 497 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,374 Your father's kind of a head-in-the-clouds romantic, 498 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,209 And I'm much more down-to-earth. 499 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,977 So? 500 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,279 Robin and I are like that. 501 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,346 That doesn't mean anything. 502 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,215 I wanted kids. 503 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:46,450 And your mother... 504 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,386 Also wanted kids. 505 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:51,522 Robin and I have different views on families. 506 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,558 We're not about to break up because of it. 507 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,793 On some level, I always knew. 508 00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:58,529 I didn't even want to go out with him in the beginning, 509 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:02,033 But he spent months badgering me until I finally gave in. 510 00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:05,036 Huh. 511 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,305 Well, when you don't connect on that many fundamental levels, 512 00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:09,207 It's only a matter of time before you realize 513 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,741 You're not meant to be together. 514 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,979 But we love robin. 515 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,082 Meeting you was the highlight of my trip. 516 00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:20,718 Well, second highlight. 517 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,553 Mrs. Mosby: We'll see you inside. 518 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,722 Sorry. 519 00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,328 Wow. 520 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,996 I know. 521 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,932 They love me! 522 00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:42,340 We are definitely going to try and communicate more. 523 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,741 From now on, full disclosure. 524 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,044 Good. Good, I think it'll be really good for the family. 525 00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,346 By the way, how's grandma? 526 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,908 She hasn't returned my last couple calls. 527 00:20:57,356 --> 00:20:59,916 I'm gonna get some juice. 528 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,928 No. 529 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,531 No. 530 00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,034 You missed a great game last night. 531 00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:12,036 Real squeaker.