1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,269 Ted: Kids, when you reach your late 20s you might be surprised 2 00:00:04,271 --> 00:00:06,772 To discover you still don't have life quite figured out. 3 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,040 Like with aunt lily. 4 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,609 Even though she was back from san francisco, 5 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,811 She was still on a quest to find herself. 6 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,381 It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. 7 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:18,183 I want to get out there and change the world. 8 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,486 I want to find my passion. 9 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,687 And she did find it. 10 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,856 I'm going to be a life coach. 11 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,791 In fact, she found it again and again. 12 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,560 I'm going to be a marine biologist. 13 00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:30,896 Slam poet. 14 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:31,797 Beekeeper! 15 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:35,501 Not a beekeeper. 16 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,636 Her newest lifelong dream? 17 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,805 Singing in a punk rock band. 18 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,707 What is she doing for money through all this? 19 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,143 Uh, she's waiting tables at big wave luau. 20 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,911 Wait, you mean that hawaiian place 21 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,413 Where they wear those embarrassing outfits? 22 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,848 No. 23 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,317 Here she comes. 24 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:53,886 Here she comes. 25 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,721 Welcome to big wave luau. 26 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,089 Can I tiki your drink order? 27 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,657 Oh, crap. 28 00:00:58,659 --> 00:00:59,825 I'm sorry. 29 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:00,893 Barney: Oh, hi, lily. 30 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,494 We were just in the neighborhood, 31 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,762 Thought we'd get some lunch. 32 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,324 We didn't even know you'd be here. 33 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,668 What do you want? 34 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,370 Whoa. I don't think that's how 35 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,972 You're supposed to greet a customer at big wave luau. 36 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:19,411 Aloha, island visitors. 37 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:23,715 The big wave brought you to our humble luau. 38 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:24,883 For that, we thank you. 39 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,852 Or in my native tongue, mahalo. 40 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:31,523 I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name? 41 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:32,958 No. 42 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,127 My name is anuhea. 43 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:37,629 It means cool and fragrant, 44 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,032 Much like any of our 12 specialty drinks. 45 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,534 Robin, nothing to add? No. 46 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,537 Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her 47 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,772 For trying to follow her dreams. 48 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:47,906 Thank you. 49 00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:50,042 Although, you might want to bring out 50 00:01:50,044 --> 00:01:52,878 The big hawaiian drum because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday. 51 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,947 Birthday girl! 52 00:01:54,971 --> 00:02:04,971 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 53 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:12,064 I have never needed beer more than I do right now. 54 00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:14,633 I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. 55 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,502 I remember because you were eating a piece of cake 56 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:19,805 At the time and you said, "dude, my semester is gonna be this." 57 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,740 Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, 58 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,976 But my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. 59 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,811 She had like a bad divorce this summer 60 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,446 And now she's taking it out on us. 61 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,815 To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid. 62 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,084 Really? Laid, you say? 63 00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:34,119 You wouldn't be into her. 64 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,488 She's, like, in her late 40s. She hot? 65 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,857 Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah. 66 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,526 And she's looking for some action. 67 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:43,529 Sounds to me like she could be a cougar. 68 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:44,863 A what? 69 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:45,931 A cougar. 70 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,267 An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, 71 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,503 Single and on the prowl for a younger man. 72 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,206 What's a woman in her 60s or 70s... a turtle? 73 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:58,210 Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge. 74 00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,846 I didn't challenge you to have sex with my... 75 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,114 Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins. 76 00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:04,950 So, I quit my job. 77 00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,119 I just couldn't take it anymore. 78 00:03:07,121 --> 00:03:10,489 Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei. 79 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,924 Classic. 80 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:13,992 Ted, didn't you tell me 81 00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,694 They need a new assistant in your office? 82 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:16,862 Yeah. 83 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,864 Somebody did just quit. 84 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,433 So, where should we eat today? 85 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:26,290 Oh, awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? 86 00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:35,681 Dude, that is cold-blooded. 87 00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:36,982 It was an honest mistake. 88 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,550 Look, when somebody opens up a container 89 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,185 With an entire chicken in it, 90 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,921 It's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone. 91 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,824 Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her. 92 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,192 It was an whole chicken. 93 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:49,761 And did I mention she had 12 sides? 94 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,063 Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. 95 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,331 Real classy, ted. 96 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,399 So, lily, what do you say? Do you want the job? 97 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,535 What would I be doing? 98 00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:59,037 Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant. 99 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,005 You'll sit there. 100 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,740 My station is right over here. 101 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,609 And things are a little bit crazy right now 102 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,711 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client. 103 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:07,913 Oh, right, is that the...? Yeah. 104 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,195 Here's the model. 105 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,185 You weren't kidding. 106 00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:15,787 It really does look like a giant penis. 107 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,022 I know. 108 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,258 For whatever reason, mr. Druthers just doesn't see it. 109 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,226 How can he not see it? 110 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,728 I mean there's the... I know. 111 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,029 And the way it... I know. 112 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,365 And the two little... I know. 113 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,433 Wow, it is just... 114 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,935 Spectacular? Why, thank you. 115 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,103 Lily, this is mr. Druthers, 116 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,372 The head architect on the project. 117 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,574 Lily's going to be our new office assistant. 118 00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:37,542 Ah. Nice to meet you. 119 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:42,114 Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. 120 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,650 Tell me, do you want to be an architect? 121 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,953 I, uh... I am an architect. 122 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,655 Really? 123 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:52,324 Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with legos. 124 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,925 Is he an architect? 125 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:58,597 Not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams. 126 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:01,400 Ted, you've got promise, 127 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,435 But you have to study what I do more carefully. 128 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,103 Now I want you 129 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:08,907 To design some styrofoam trees for the building model. 130 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,108 Think you can handle that? 131 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,009 Absolutely. 132 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:14,780 So you're going to design the... 133 00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,481 Styrofoam trees. 134 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,350 Once again... with feeling. 135 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:21,119 Styrofoam trees. 136 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,154 Styrofoam trees! 137 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,156 Styrofoam trees! 138 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,589 That's the spirit. 139 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,158 Now, gather 'round. 140 00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:32,130 This isn't just about trees, ted. 141 00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,598 This is about life. 142 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,100 And sometimes in life, 143 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:39,371 You have to get the trees just right or you're fired, hmm? 144 00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:46,345 Man, that guy is a total, well... 145 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:52,017 Okay, wait, wait, wait. 146 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,952 That's professor lewis's office there. 147 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,555 Okay, let's take a look. 148 00:05:56,557 --> 00:06:02,494 Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. 149 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:05,063 A prime specimen. 150 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:08,967 See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. 151 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,335 Start with the hair. 152 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:13,305 The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles 153 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:15,173 As a form of camouflage. 154 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:18,910 The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar 155 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,079 Until he's already being dragged, helpless, 156 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,147 Back to her lair. 157 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,349 Now, the blouse. 158 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:28,186 The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible 159 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,322 To captivate her prey. 160 00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:34,593 If you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. 161 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,228 And see the claws? 162 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:39,264 Long and sharp, 163 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:42,167 To ward off rival females... 164 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,002 Or open alimony checks. 165 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:48,273 Yeah, this one's a beaut. 166 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,278 Okay, 167 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,213 Let the hunt begin. 168 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,114 No, wait. 169 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,516 I'm not so sure I'm comfortable 170 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,085 With you hunting my constitutional law professor. 171 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:03,255 Who do you rather have grading your papers... 172 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,892 A savage, man-eating jungle cat, 173 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:10,362 Or a purring, satisfied kitty? 174 00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:14,800 Go, barney. 175 00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:17,836 Go mount and stuff that cougar. 176 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,107 Scusi, 177 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:25,076 I am luigi, italian exchange student. 178 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,711 I was, uh, 179 00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:31,817 Walking to class, but then I noticed you... 180 00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,085 Bella principessa... 181 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,621 Tell me what you want or get out. 182 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,123 Direct. 183 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,758 I like that. 184 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,226 The name's barney. 185 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,229 What I want... Is you. 186 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,234 Turn around. 187 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,572 My place. Two hours. 188 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,041 Don't be tardy. 189 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,513 I can't believe how mr. Druthers treats people. 190 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:02,914 And that building? 191 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,950 Talk about overcompensating. 192 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,184 He's not usually this bad. 193 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,453 It's just that the partners have made it very clear 194 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,288 This project is make or break for us, 195 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,210 So lately he's been a little testy. 196 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,126 You know what I mean... Crotchety. 197 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,763 I'm just saying, it's been hard on him. 198 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,765 Okay. All right, stop. 199 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:24,002 Did you show lily your design? No. 200 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,136 What design? 201 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,638 It's nothing. It's fantastic. 202 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,341 Just for fun, ted's been working on his own design, 203 00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:32,143 And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. 204 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,346 At least, not healthy male genitalia. 205 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,982 Ted, you should pitch your building to druthers. 206 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,316 Are you kidding? He's hammond druthers. 207 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,284 He's a legend. 208 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,553 I'm just part of his team. 209 00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,388 This building is huge for the firm, 210 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,357 So it's really important we don't blow it. 211 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:48,326 All right, enough. 212 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:51,229 Oh, my god. 213 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,298 Incredible. 214 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,034 Hmm... C-minus. 215 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,503 C-minus? 216 00:08:58,505 --> 00:08:59,971 What are you talking about? 217 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,007 I just pulled an all-nighter! 218 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:04,409 You didn't budget your time well, 219 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:08,179 You glossed over some of the most important points, 220 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,049 And your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive. 221 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:16,388 Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees 222 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,890 Or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 223 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,593 Then he stared at me until I laughed. 224 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,663 Okay, I'm done. 225 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,898 Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him. 226 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,767 Great. Thanks. 227 00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,503 Oh, finally. 228 00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:34,673 I wondered whether you were making the trees 229 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,509 Or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 230 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,347 Good one, sir. 231 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,281 Anyway, here they are. 232 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,884 Hmm. 233 00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:47,886 Too green. 234 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,187 Too green? 235 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,856 Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. 236 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,558 Almost brunette. 237 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,393 And think bushier. 238 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,962 I want this tower to rise 239 00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:01,533 From a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. 240 00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,234 Can you picture it, ted? 241 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,804 I can't un-picture it. 242 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,239 Good. 243 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,475 Oh, my god. 244 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:11,810 It's gone! 245 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,411 What? What's gone? 246 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:17,115 My baseball, signed three times by pete rose. 247 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,317 Well, it's got to be around here somewhere. 248 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,419 What do you think, ted, 249 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,389 It just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? 250 00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:26,491 Somebody stole it. 251 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:30,161 Well, um, I better get back to these styrofoam trees. 252 00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,831 Oh, who cares about the trees? 253 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,634 It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing. 254 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,902 Inspiring as always, sir. 255 00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,639 Lily? 256 00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,910 Where'd she put those paints? 257 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,993 Hey. Hey. 258 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,162 Um, lily, question for you. 259 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,931 Why did I find mr. Druthers' baseball, 260 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,434 Signed three times by pete rose, in your desk drawer? 261 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,269 That's easy. I took it. 262 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,271 Why? 263 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,972 It's simple. 264 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:17,609 I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. 265 00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:22,047 I guess you were sick the day they taught that at sandwich university. 266 00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:29,954 Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. 267 00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,724 I didn't get you a birthday present. 268 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,166 What? You gonna cry? 269 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,369 Huh? Little crybaby's going to cry? 270 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,371 Hey, everybody, look! 271 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,173 The little crybaby's gonna cry! 272 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,412 I lost my ice cream! 273 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:57,148 Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, 274 00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:00,552 But the point is, he was mean. 275 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:02,353 And that's why I took away his ball. 276 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,856 What does his ball have to do with anything? 277 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:07,559 Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. 278 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:08,660 When I was teaching 279 00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:10,729 Kindergarten, whenever a kid was mean, 280 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,530 I would take away one of his toys. 281 00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,666 The kid would be upset at first, 282 00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:17,102 But then he'd learn to stop being mean. 283 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,837 Hey, guys. What's going on? 284 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,839 Lily stole my boss' baseball, 285 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,107 Signed three times by pete rose. 286 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,241 Why? Was he being mean? 287 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,176 You know about this? 288 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,078 Yeah. It's her own personal form of justice. 289 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,380 Did you tell him about that time at the gap? 290 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,015 Ooh, that was a good one. 291 00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,584 This sales guy was rude to robin, 292 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,052 So I took a pair of khakis. 293 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,087 I gave them to you for your birthday. 294 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,189 So I've been walking around in stolen khakis? 295 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,959 I prefer to call them "justice khakis." 296 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,093 That's not justice. 297 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,062 It's shoplifting, and it's a crime. 298 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:48,066 Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. 299 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,034 In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. 300 00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,270 Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball. 301 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,139 Well, that's why I left a note. 302 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,106 A note? 303 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,274 Yeah. When he finds it, 304 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,576 He'll understand why his ball was taken away, 305 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,078 He'll stop being mean, 306 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,781 And the office will be a nicer place to work. 307 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,216 Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas. 308 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,752 Look, lil, we're all tolerating 309 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:10,722 This prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, 310 00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:13,391 With the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, 311 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,660 But this is my career you're messing with. 312 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,429 I'm not sure I like your tone. 313 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:21,366 You know what? Now you just lost the ball. 314 00:13:25,337 --> 00:13:26,971 Hey. 315 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:30,275 I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. 316 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,976 Nobody got higher than a c-minus. 317 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,945 I know, I know. 318 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,747 You claim to have so much sex. 319 00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:37,649 I only assumed you'd be good at it. 320 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,450 Look, I miscalculated. 321 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:43,121 I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. 322 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,957 But kitty's got claws. 323 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,091 Don't worry though. 324 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,827 Tonight, I'm seeing her again. 325 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,128 Just let it go, man. 326 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,129 You're making things worse. 327 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,530 I promise you, after tonight, 328 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,499 That cougar will be my pet, 329 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,601 And I its master. 330 00:13:56,603 --> 00:14:01,606 I think I'm falling in love with you. 331 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:04,275 Oh, god. That wasn't your first time, was it? 332 00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:08,012 Although that would explain a lot. 333 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:11,516 What? No. We had sex yesterday. 334 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,519 Oh, right. That. 335 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,989 Well, you had sex yesterday. 336 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:22,060 I revised my syllabus for the spring semester. 337 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,897 When druthers goes to get his bagel, 338 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,299 I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. 339 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:32,303 If something goes wrong, yell out, "who wants espresso?" 340 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,404 So I'll know he's coming. 341 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,673 Got it? Okay, now give me the ball. 342 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:36,675 No. 343 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:37,909 What do you mean, no? 344 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,044 I mean I stand by what I did, ted. 345 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,413 Come on, lily. We're running out of time. 346 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:46,251 Everybody get in here now! 347 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,919 Who wants espresso? 348 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,360 Now, as most of you know, 349 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:58,997 My pete rose, pete rose, pete rose baseball has been stolen. 350 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,665 Well, I just found this note. 351 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:05,236 "Dear mr. Druthers, I, your baseball, am leaving. 352 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,071 "Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. 353 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:11,175 "If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. 354 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:14,012 "In fact, I overheard your ipod talking, 355 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,414 And he may shuffle off at any minute." 356 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,950 Normally, 357 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:22,086 I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, 358 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,923 But maybe that's the wrong reaction here. 359 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,292 Interesting. 360 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:31,195 Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day 361 00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:33,197 To decide he's homesick, or tomorrow morning, 362 00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:36,100 I'll begin firing three people an hour. 363 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,971 And, if the thief doesn't believe me, 364 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:43,041 Well, then, you are gambling more than pete rose... 365 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,143 Major league baseball's all-time hit leader, 366 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,779 A man whose absence from the hall of fame is a travesty 367 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,714 To the entire sports world... 368 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,450 Ever "allegedly" did! 369 00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:57,055 Wow. Looks like bye-bye, ipod. 370 00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:01,459 Give him his ball back right now. 371 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,261 People are going to get fired. 372 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,662 No, they're not. 373 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,230 It's just a tantrum, ted. 374 00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,399 I saw this in kindergarten all the time. 375 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,934 This isn't kindergarten. 376 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,269 Mr. Druthers is an adult, 377 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,804 And he wants his ball back. 378 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:16,841 All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans. 379 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,776 No. You'll give it back or you're fired. 380 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,478 I'm sorry, ted. I just can't do that. 381 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,980 Then you're fired. 382 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,749 Fine. 383 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,485 Here's the ball. 384 00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:30,655 At least you have one now. 385 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:37,161 Dude, you're killing me. 386 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,296 You didn't tame the cougar. 387 00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,031 You just made her angrier. 388 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:43,801 Do you not see the powerbar in my hand? 389 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,837 I'm fueling up. 390 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,039 So you're going back over there? 391 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:51,342 Oh, yeah. And tonight, just like john mellencamp, 392 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:55,346 I am going to get rid of the "cougar" once and for all. 393 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,315 Get it? 394 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,357 'Cause that's what he did with his name. 395 00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,163 I can't stop thinking about you. 396 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,831 Please give me another chance. 397 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,533 Barney, I teach all day. 398 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,236 It's the last thing I want to do when I get home. 399 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,405 But you don't understand. 400 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,240 See, I've been going easy on you, holding back, 401 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,475 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. 402 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,411 But, this time, no mercy. 403 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:30,481 I don't care how long it takes... Days, weeks, half a year. 404 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:33,251 Fine. 405 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,819 Come in. You can start 406 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,555 While I finish grading some papers. 407 00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,260 Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. 408 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,829 Now, slide it closer to his chair. 409 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:48,433 I want this thing to really smack him in the face. 410 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,903 Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about lily. 411 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,372 Oh. Well, I pity her. 412 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,840 I mean, to steal from my office 413 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,676 And then write that slanderous note... 414 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,612 You might say that lily was mentally deranged. 415 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:05,083 You might say that, ted. 416 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:09,187 Lily was mentally deranged. 417 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:13,091 You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear. 418 00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:17,562 Lily was mentally deranged! 419 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:21,466 Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, ted? 420 00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,434 The clients are here. 421 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,069 Excellent. Bring them in. 422 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,971 Our client was a major bank 423 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,373 And financial services company in spokane. 424 00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:32,777 That still captured the distinct flavor 425 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,645 And history of the northwest. 426 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,315 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 427 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:41,052 The spokane national bank building. 428 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,690 That's a penis! 429 00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:49,994 That's... That's ridiculous. 430 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,629 There's no way 431 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,731 This majestic tower can be confused 432 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,400 With the male organ of love. 433 00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:59,137 We're not building a penis. 434 00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,338 You got any other ideas? 435 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:03,407 Other ideas? 436 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:06,277 You said you wanted hammond druthers. 437 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,846 This is hammond druthers. 438 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,115 Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, 439 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:13,317 But I'm not building it. 440 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,521 We're done here. 441 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,923 The trajectory of my entire career 442 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:23,261 Had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day. 443 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:24,695 Wait! 444 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,999 We have one more idea for you. 445 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:29,867 Ted, what are you doing? 446 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,502 I have another design. 447 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,938 Sit down, shut up, right now. 448 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,540 No. 449 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:39,110 ♪ Thank you for the invitation 450 00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:42,647 ♪ she showed me very nice... 451 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,115 To ted! The youngest person to ever design a building 452 00:19:44,117 --> 00:19:46,651 Over 70 stories, probably! 453 00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,419 All: Probably! 454 00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:51,389 Congrats, ted. 455 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,457 Hey, thanks for telling me 456 00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:55,393 To stand up to druthers and pitch my idea. 457 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,362 Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you. 458 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,631 Oh. You know what, ted? 459 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,533 That was very nice. 460 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,735 You have earned these screws back. 461 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:08,506 Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in. 462 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:11,242 Hey, I'm project manager now, 463 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,044 So, if you want your old job back... 464 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,812 No, thanks. 465 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:18,983 I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. 466 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,184 ♪ Check the score... 467 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:25,022 Casey, that's not how we treat people. 468 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,758 You'll get this back when you learn to be nice. 469 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,260 ♪ We're number one 470 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:32,763 ♪ ...Back where you're from 471 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:37,134 ♪ wrote this to suit everybody's... ♪ 472 00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:42,173 Barney! Oh, my god! 473 00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:43,341 What happened? 474 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,278 He broke his hip. 475 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,380 That's not true. 476 00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,515 It's just temporarily dislocated. 477 00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:52,550 Seriously, I'm fine. 478 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,685 No, he's not fine. 479 00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,787 Professor lewis, hi. 480 00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,690 Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. 481 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:03,461 I was pleasantly surprised. 482 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:04,962 Yeah, she was. 483 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:07,198 B-plus. 484 00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:10,134 B-plus?! 485 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,303 Marshall, after I've gone through 486 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:14,038 My eight weeks of physical therapy, 487 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,806 I am going to get you that "a"! 488 00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,209 Let her go. 489 00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:21,279 She belongs out there, in the wild. 490 00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:23,714 You should feel proud. 491 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,384 You fought the cougar and lived. 492 00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:29,387 It was an amazing safari. 493 00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:33,224 I can't wait to show you guys the slides.