1 00:00:02,776 --> 00:00:10,776 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 2 00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:12,144 So, I guess that decides it. 3 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,312 Yup. 4 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:17,182 Is not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar. 5 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:20,486 Man, what's that? 6 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:22,154 What? 7 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:25,691 That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name. 8 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,627 ♪ Somebody has a crush on you ♪ 9 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,630 ♪ Somebody thinks you're me. ♪ 10 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,632 Do you really think she likes me? 11 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,301 I mean, I guess it's not that surprising. 12 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:39,138 Every time I come in here, I do totally crack her up. 13 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,206 Marshall, here's your pumpkin latte. 14 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:44,309 Wow. How did you fit a pumpkin in this little cup? 15 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,313 I'll have a pumpkin latte. 16 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,549 How do they even fit a pumpkin in those little cups? 17 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,351 What? You got a shrink ray back there? 18 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,320 Yeah. 19 00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:57,723 Hey, remember that time I said that thing 20 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,224 About how do they fit a pumpkin 21 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,492 Into the little cup? 22 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,327 Which time? The first time. 23 00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:04,329 Yeah. That was really funny. 24 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,331 Right. 25 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:09,001 All right, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that. 26 00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:10,669 One, it's the first joke she's ever heard, 27 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,204 Or two, she likes you. 28 00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:13,505 You should totally ask her out. 29 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,507 You think? 30 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,707 Yeah, that why you're not 31 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,176 Back with lily, right? So you can experience 32 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,210 What it's like to be single. 33 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,411 Well, what if the heart 34 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,512 Doesn't mean anything? 35 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,347 What if she writes it on all the cups? 36 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,850 Mine says "ted," no heart. 37 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:28,754 Mine says... "swarley." 38 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,023 How'd they get "swarley" from "barney"? 39 00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:32,057 It's not even a name. 40 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,426 Who would ever be called "swarley"? 41 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,964 Oh, please don't start calling me "swarley." 42 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:43,135 This would never happen at a bar! 43 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,372 Man! What's up with swarley? 44 00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,875 I know. You almost never see old swarlz get that upset. 45 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:50,957 Psssh. 46 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,060 Hey, guess what? 47 00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:09,895 Oh, sorry. 48 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,063 It's only my mom. 49 00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:12,631 She's just rambling on like always. 50 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:13,565 Uh-huh. 51 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,567 What happened? 52 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,401 Marshall asked out a girl. 53 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:19,238 Wow. Well, if anything, that's dad's fault. 54 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,439 That'll keep her going a while. 55 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:23,575 Oh, of course, you know, he had a little help. 56 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,776 Swarley hooked him up? 57 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:25,778 Oh, good. You got my text. 58 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,246 Yeah. Oh. No, it was me. 59 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,148 I gave marshall one of my secrets. 60 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,083 So, what'd she say? 61 00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:32,384 Nothing. 62 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:34,286 I don't think she heard me. 63 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,587 It's pretty busy up there. 64 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,756 What? You gave her the look, right? 65 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,591 Head down, eyes looking up, 66 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,593 Hands in pockets, shoulders up, 67 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,296 Head slightly tilted, conveying shy vulnerability. 68 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,698 I think so. 69 00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,006 Look, can we just go? 70 00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:56,308 Pumpkin latte 71 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,409 For marshall. 72 00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,878 I didn't order that. 73 00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:08,921 Phone number. 74 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:11,790 I love that look. 75 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,126 I think I slept with you because of that look. 76 00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,460 And it's fake? 77 00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:16,795 Oh, and you biting your lower lip, 78 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:20,132 Shyly looking away and thrusting your chest out is natural? 79 00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:21,967 Yeah, I hear you. 80 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,703 Hey! Hey. Hey, guys. 81 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,805 Are you free tomorrow night? 82 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,807 I was thinking of having a wine tasting 83 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,210 Slash "help me catch the rat in my apartment" party. 84 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,212 That's a great idea. 85 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,979 You can put out cheese for both. 86 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:37,149 I should invite marshall, right? 87 00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:38,383 It'd be weird if I didn't. 88 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,485 Yeah, I don't think he can go. 89 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,154 Really? Why not? 90 00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:44,156 Uh, okay, um... 91 00:03:44,158 --> 00:03:46,091 Lily, we have to tell you something. 92 00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:48,827 Marshall has a date. 93 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,663 Oh. Well... Good for him. 94 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,332 Really? You're okay with it? 95 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,500 Look, we've been broken up almost six months. 96 00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,502 I mean, I'm not thrilled about the idea, 97 00:03:57,504 --> 00:04:00,405 But he has every right to date someone else. 98 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,507 That's very mature. 99 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,209 Why are you holding the phone? 100 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:06,078 Oh, shoot. 101 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:10,182 That's hilarious, mom. 102 00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:11,583 Didn't even notice. 103 00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:16,021 Hey, dude, by the way, I really like that suit. 104 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,356 Tell me about the fabric. 105 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,357 Is it foreign or something? 106 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,858 Wow. It is foreign. 107 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,426 I'm impressed, ted. 108 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,427 It's moroccan, actually. Whoa. 109 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,530 I got a call for swarley. 110 00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:26,565 Is a swarley here? 111 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:27,766 You weren't interested 112 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,368 In my suit at all, were you? 113 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,436 Hmm? Swarley! 114 00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:34,706 Yeah, I know he's there. 115 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,108 It's really important. 116 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,209 Could you ask again? 117 00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:38,744 Important call for swarley! 118 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:39,711 Marshall: Geez, 119 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,879 Can't you hear him, swarley? 120 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:41,881 There's a call for you. 121 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,582 Stop calling me that. 122 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:46,051 Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys 123 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,386 To officially meet chloe. 124 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,754 Hi. Hi. Hi. 125 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,389 It's nice to meet you guys. 126 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:51,456 I'll be right back. 127 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,738 It's right back there. 128 00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:57,929 Right? 129 00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,564 Right? She's hot! 130 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,066 And she likes me? 131 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,434 She likes italian food. 132 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,436 I also like italian food. 133 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,604 She likes billy joel. 134 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,606 I also like... Music. 135 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:08,473 And I think 136 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,776 We're going to go out again. 137 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:11,910 Dude, you gotta ditch her. 138 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:12,944 Obviously. 139 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,613 What? Why? 140 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,248 She's got the crazy eyes. 141 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,749 Dude. The eyes. 142 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,151 They're crazy. 143 00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,586 What are you guys talking about, the crazy eyes? 144 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,121 It's a well-documented 145 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,590 Condition of the pupils, or pupi. 146 00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,758 No. Just pupils. 147 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,429 It's an indicator of future mental instability. 148 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,432 She does not have the crazy eyes. 149 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,467 You just can't see it because you're afflicted 150 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,336 With "haven't been laid in a while" blindness. 151 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,772 She was too far away in the coffee place, 152 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,607 But when I saw her up close, just now... 153 00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,676 Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet chloe. 154 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,345 Hi. Hi. Hi. 155 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,512 It's nice to meet you guys. 156 00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:55,954 You guys, I'm not going to stop dating chloe 157 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,789 Just because you think she has the crazy eyes. 158 00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,157 You can keep going out with her, 159 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,459 But you're gonna regret it. 160 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,361 One time, I met a girl at this very bar. 161 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:05,263 I saw that she had the crazy eyes... 162 00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:08,967 But I ignored it. 163 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,769 And then, sure enough. 164 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,972 Barney, can I ask you a question? 165 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,340 Anything. 166 00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,309 Would you like to have a threesome? 167 00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:20,145 Of course. 168 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,707 Great. It'd be me, you, and mr. Weasels. 169 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,518 So, did you do it? 170 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,321 No. It ended up being just a twosome 171 00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:31,803 With the third one watching from a chair. 172 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,493 Which one were you? 173 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,328 I'd rather not say. 174 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,330 Look, there was a time I didn't believe 175 00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,899 In the crazy eyes either, and then I met jeanine. 176 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:44,202 She had serious crazy eyes. 177 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,506 I told myself I was just imagining it, but then... 178 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,341 So, should we go get a drink? 179 00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:51,410 As long as it's in your apartment. 180 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,212 Whoa, I'm sorry. 181 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:57,916 Watch! Where! You're! Going! 182 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,454 So, where do you live? 183 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:06,925 You guys, chloe is not gonna do any of that stuff. 184 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,727 She's a nice girl from nebraska. 185 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,061 She's not crazy. 186 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,230 She's... She's awesome. 187 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,099 But you can't avoid the crazy eyes forever. 188 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,902 Sooner or later, the crazy comes bubbling to the surface. 189 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,036 Hello? 190 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,371 Marshall, it's chloe. 191 00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:22,207 Are you the one who's called me, like, nine times? 192 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,276 Yeah. Could you come get me? 193 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,878 I'm in the middle of taking a test. 194 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,214 Please. I'm so scared. 195 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,415 Well, what's going on? 196 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,417 This weird midget guy started following me 197 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,452 And he was screaming at me 198 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:36,121 And he had a limp and a big hump on his back 199 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,389 And the police didn't believe me 200 00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:40,392 And I almost got trampled by a horse and... 201 00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:44,095 God, I must sound totally crazy to you right now. 202 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,097 No. 203 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,398 Pfft. 204 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,599 Not at all. 205 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,601 So, she's needy crazy. 206 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,136 That's one of the worst kinds. 207 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:53,238 I've had one of those. 208 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,639 Makes up stories to get attention. 209 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:57,576 Went out with her for three weeks... her dad died twice. 210 00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,312 Guys, she was really freaked out, okay? 211 00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,147 Maybe the story is true. 212 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,415 What in the world 213 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:05,083 Would make you believe that's a true story? 214 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,118 She's really hot. 215 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,988 They always are. 216 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,090 You all done with that, ted? 217 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,092 Yeah. Ned. 218 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,559 I told you to call him ned. 219 00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,162 That's just sad. 220 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,663 Sorry, swarley. 221 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,435 So, do just you and ted live here 222 00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:24,636 Or does swarley live here, too? 223 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,038 Nah. "swahili" has his own place. 224 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:31,776 What was that? 225 00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:33,111 Oh, I, uh, dropped my keys. 226 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,346 Oh. 227 00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,449 So, here you go. 228 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,352 Two pumpkin beers. 229 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,754 I was joking. They're regular beers. 230 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,225 What is that? 231 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,034 This picture is broken. 232 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,270 Oh. That's too bad. 233 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:00,739 Is that lily? 234 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,707 Is that the girl you were going to marry? 235 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,310 Yeah. Is that what that sound was? 236 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,178 Did you just smash this? 237 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,680 No. 238 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,549 Why would I do that? 239 00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,419 Let me look into your eyes. 240 00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:17,455 Okay. 241 00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:22,227 I had a really nice time tonight. 242 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,229 Yeah, me, too. 243 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,563 Stop blinking. 244 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,432 I like your eyes a lot, too. 245 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,270 Stop! 246 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,809 Hi. I'm lily. 247 00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:44,916 Stop! 248 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,185 Now, I know aunt lily hiding in the apartment 249 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,187 While uncle marshall was on a date with another girl 250 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,089 Seems pretty crazy, but when you hear 251 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,593 Her side of the story, well, it's still pretty crazy. 252 00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,696 What's up, swarlz? No. 253 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,097 Okay? No. No more. 254 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,899 I will not let this become a thing. 255 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:01,733 It's over. 256 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,101 No more swarley. No swarlz. 257 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,737 ♪ No more swar-lay 258 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:08,707 ♪ no more swar... Wait for it... Ley ♪ 259 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,242 No more bob swarley, mon. 260 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,377 No more. 261 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,044 No! 262 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,112 It's over. 263 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,547 Do you understand? 264 00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:16,715 Yes. Yes. 265 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,183 Thank you. 266 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,220 Nice. 267 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,122 Why didn't you call me? Was I supposed to call you? 268 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,258 Yes, about the whole marshall- dating-another-girl thing. 269 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,393 You said you were fine with it. 270 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:31,129 Yeah, in front of ted, but then I shot you a look. 271 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,230 What look? 272 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,299 This. 273 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:37,102 That doesn't seem like a look. 274 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,938 Yes it is. It means, "I'm upset call me later." 275 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,140 You should have pulled me aside and told me what the look meant. 276 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,142 If I pulled you aside, I wouldn't need the look. 277 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,744 Well, maybe if it was a more distinctive look... 278 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,078 Okay, the look isn't important. 279 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,115 What's important is that I can't stand the idea 280 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,916 Of marshall dating another woman. 281 00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,118 I mean, what if 282 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,252 He falls in love with her? 283 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,287 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 284 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,256 Ted says she has the crazy eyes. 285 00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,658 What's that? 286 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,760 Apparently, a thing women have that guys can see 287 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,495 And it tells them that the girl's crazy. 288 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:07,098 Oh, kind of like how you never want to date a guy 289 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:07,932 With perfect fingernails? 290 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,101 Jerk nails. Exactly. 291 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,137 Well, did-did ted say whether she was good-looking? 292 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,439 I mean, 'cause if I knew she was ugly, 293 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,474 Then maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out. 294 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,943 Uh, he didn't say, but you can find out. 295 00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,178 I think her name is chloe... 296 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,447 She works at cosa coffee on 78th. 297 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:25,183 Phone call for swarles barkley? 298 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,751 Carl. 299 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:29,621 Hey, ted. No, he's not here. 300 00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:31,623 Good one, though... Remember that one. 301 00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,296 Is, um, 302 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:39,298 Chloe here? 303 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,465 She just left. 304 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,033 You can probably still catch her. 305 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,135 She's easy to spot... She's got a pink umbrella. 306 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,371 Oh, thanks, brian. 307 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,305 My name is scott. 308 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,340 Your tag says brian. 309 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:50,842 I know. Funny story. 310 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,644 So, I wake up this morning, and... 311 00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,012 Yeah, see you later, brian. 312 00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,856 Lily: There she is. 313 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:07,192 She doesn't look that great. 314 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,494 She's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. 315 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,330 I know tons of skinny, ugly women. 316 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,866 That's right, snotty girl in my yoga class, 317 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,568 I'm talking to you. 318 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:21,172 Come on, chloe, turn around. 319 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:24,008 Here we go. Turn around, chloe. 320 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:26,077 Come on, show me that hideous face. 321 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,880 Damn it! 322 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,015 Ooh, I know, I'll get ahead of her, 323 00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,417 Then I'll cut back so I... 324 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,518 Aah! 325 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:39,057 Turn around! 326 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,526 Come on! Just turn around! 327 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,361 Okay, this is ridiculous. 328 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,263 Hey! 329 00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,702 Turn around! What's the matter with you? 330 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,771 Hey, you! 331 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,608 Turn around! 332 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:01,279 Turn around, chloe! 333 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:09,220 She's hot? I'm so sorry. 334 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,388 No, it's fine. 335 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,890 I-it just makes things easier. 336 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,793 Now that I know she's a threat, all I have to do 337 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,928 Is keep marshall from ever seeing her again. 338 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,464 Okay, I have two plans... You can help me choose. 339 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,733 Plan a... remember that time marshall and I 340 00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,401 Had sex in the bathroom? 341 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,403 Oops, I got knocked up. 342 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:26,137 Lily. 343 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,739 Okay, plan b 344 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:30,408 Is called "chloe's accident." 345 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,976 Just stop. What? 346 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,778 Lily, you can't do any of those things. 347 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,947 If you two are ever gonna get back together, 348 00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,283 You have to let him work out whatever this is. 349 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,652 I know. You're right. 350 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,288 Now, come on, ted asked us to be upstairs at 6:00. 351 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,756 Some surprise for barney. 352 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:45,790 Barney? 353 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,158 Uh, swarley. 354 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,793 Hey, guys. Hey. 355 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:51,796 Hey. Where's marshall? 356 00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,131 Oh, he's getting a haircut. 357 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,266 Oh. For his date. 358 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,801 Good for him. 359 00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:58,670 Hope he has a good time tonight. 360 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,638 Relax, you've got nothing to worry about. 361 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,006 The girl's crazy. 362 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,942 Thanks! He'll just have 363 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,110 Wild monkey sex with her five times, max, 364 00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,478 And be done with her. 365 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,247 Thanks again. 366 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,016 What are you doing? 367 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,451 I just wanted to listen 368 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,953 To a little music, that's all. 369 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,822 Deejay: And this next one's going out to swarley. 370 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,291 All your friends know you miss barney, 371 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,493 But he's gone, and you got to accept that, baby. 372 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:25,663 And, swarley, you're gonna be a better woman for it. 373 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,632 Here's "I am woman" by helen reddy. 374 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:28,800 ♪ I am woman... 375 00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:30,635 Ha-ha! Now I'm a woman. I love it! 376 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,871 You know, I was thinking 377 00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,973 About this whole new name thing last night, 378 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,140 And you know what I realized? 379 00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,208 I like it. 380 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,977 You like being called swarley? 381 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,879 Are you kidding? I want you to call me that. 382 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,146 Do you really think this is gonna work? 383 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,648 Do I think what's gonna work? 384 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,817 I'm just saying, I love my new name, 385 00:14:45,819 --> 00:14:48,119 So please only call me that from now on. 386 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,021 Call you what? 387 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,390 You know, that-that-that new name 388 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,058 That you've been calling me. 389 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,660 Say it. 390 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,996 Why? You guys know what it is. 391 00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,197 Say the name. 392 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:02,200 No, I don't want to! 393 00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:04,068 I hate it! I hate it! 394 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,503 It's not funny! 395 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,006 It's never been funny! I've never done any... 396 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,908 No! 397 00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,010 Man, he is really gonna lose it 398 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,412 When all the magazine subscriptions start coming in. 399 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,882 I signed him up for people in espanol, 400 00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,752 But I addressed it to swarlos. 401 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:24,188 Hey, where's the picture of marshall and me at the pier? 402 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,391 Didn't it used to be by that window? 403 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:29,861 Oh, yeah, he, uh, he sort of took it down when you left. 404 00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:31,696 Put it behind some books, I think. 405 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,098 Oh, well-well, maybe I should put it back up. 406 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,267 Why, so chloe'll see it and get scared off? 407 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,368 No. 408 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:40,004 So marshall'll see it and feel guilty. 409 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,240 Yeah, okay. 410 00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:43,908 Ted: But she wasn't okay. 411 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:48,079 Later that night, while marshall was on his date, 412 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:08,466 Anymore. 413 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,068 Pretty impressive, huh? 414 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,070 Wow, you really did memorize all the lyrics 415 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,438 To "we didn't start the fire." 416 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,405 Yeah. 417 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,807 Marshall: Can I, uh, can I 418 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,608 Get you a drink? I'd love a beer. 419 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,310 You got it. 420 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:24,749 Lily did what any sensible woman would do. 421 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,587 And she stayed there, listening to her ex-fiance 422 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,923 On a date with another woman. 423 00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:34,659 Chloe: I had a really nice time tonight. 424 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,761 Marshall: Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking. 425 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:39,097 I like your eyes a lot, too. 426 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,432 Until, finally, much like billy joel, 427 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,434 She couldn't take it anymore. 428 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,870 Stop! 429 00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:48,773 Hi. 430 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,408 I'm lily. 431 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,444 Lily... 432 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,613 Lily, what the hell are you doing? 433 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:56,848 I don't know. I... 434 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,449 I don't know... What I'm doing. 435 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,619 Oh, pumpkin beer... That was a good one. 436 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,855 I'm just... I'm gonna go. 437 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,289 I... I'm so sorry. 438 00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:08,860 En-enjoy the rest of your date. 439 00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:15,233 She seems nice. 440 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,881 Lilly, what the hell... I'm sorry. 441 00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,183 I only snuck up there because... 442 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:35,019 When I saw how cute she was yesterday, I freaked out. 443 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:36,487 Lily, you saw her yesterday? 444 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,022 Yeah, I... 445 00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:40,958 Kind of chased her down the street. 446 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,065 Wait, so you were the hunchback with the limp? 447 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,000 Yeah. 448 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:53,104 And she didn't break the picture, I did. 449 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,843 So chloe's not crazy, she's... 450 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:01,879 Just a nice, normal girl. 451 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:05,516 Yeah, she is. 452 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:09,353 And you deserve a nice, normal girl. 453 00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:12,423 So, why don't you just go back up there 454 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,159 And-and finish your date. 455 00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,362 Yeah. 456 00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:20,031 Okay. 457 00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:21,866 Okay. 458 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,203 Wait, if you were the hunchback, 459 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:27,271 Then why did she think you were a guy? 460 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,575 I-I might have used a voice 461 00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,410 That sounded like this. 462 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,712 Why? 463 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:37,215 Because I didn't want her to know it was me, 464 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,050 Which I now realize doesn't make sense, 465 00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,285 Because she hadn't even met me. 466 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,054 You're crazy. 467 00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:50,795 You have... Crazier eyes than anybody that I have ever met. 468 00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,732 Shouldn't you be going back up... 469 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,467 I mean, you're out of your mind. 470 00:18:56,469 --> 00:19:00,404 You're... Just absolutely insane. 471 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:07,478 Shouldn't you be going back upstairs? 472 00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:12,650 I've missed you so much. 473 00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,160 Okay, I ran it by the group, 474 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,262 And we decided we're gonna give you a choice. 475 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,430 We will agree to stop calling you swarley, 476 00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:29,500 But instead, we'll call you Jennifer. 477 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,670 Well? 478 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,773 I'm thinking. 479 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:36,941 How about this? Mm-hmm? 480 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,943 On mondays, wednesdays and fridays... 481 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,244 Hey. 482 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,680 Look at this. 483 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,285 That six months earlier I had walked up and found 484 00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,820 Marshall alone, crying over his breakup with lily, 485 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,489 I found him again. 486 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:55,293 Only this time he wasn't alone, and he was happy. 487 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:58,462 So we went to the bar to celebrate, and it was great. 488 00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:01,465 I was with robin, marshall and lily were back together, 489 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,471 Until we got back to the apartment. 490 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:10,308 Oh, my god. 491 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,043 Hey, chloe, I... 492 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,011 Guess I forgot I left you up here. 493 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:17,949 I was gonna leave, but I can't find my keys. 494 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,185 They're right there on the coffee table. 495 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,655 Silly me. 496 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,224 I must have looked 497 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,226 Everywhere else. 498 00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,698 Well... I'm just gonna go. 499 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,200 Oh, I don't think we've met. 500 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,335 I'm chloe. 501 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,669 Robin. 502 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,671 It's nice to meet you, roland. 503 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,306 I'll see you guys later. 504 00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:48,379 Roland? 505 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,014 Your name's roland. 506 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:53,384 That's funny, right? 507 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,553 Rock and roland. 508 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,855 Warsaw is the capital of what? 509 00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,757 Roland. 510 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,928 You're monica roland-ski. 511 00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:06,197 Hey, yeah, 512 00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:08,599 That's just how I roland. 513 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:11,168 Nice try, swarley. Damn it. 514 00:21:21,214 --> 00:21:25,283 ♪ Sometimes you want to go 515 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:30,087 ♪ where everybody knows your name ♪ 516 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:33,157 ♪ And they're always glad you came... ♪