1 00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:03,135 Ted: Kids, there's nothing 2 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,837 More wonderful than new york city 3 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,373 In the winter... Except the view of new york city 4 00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,141 In the winter through your apartment window. 5 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,543 In the winter of 2006, 6 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,278 Marshall, lily, robin and I were all deep 7 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,347 In couple hibernation mode. 8 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,616 Sadly, this left uncle barney out in the cold. 9 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:18,817 Okay. 10 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,152 All-night rave, 11 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,987 Abandoned tire factory in newark. 12 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,722 We're on the list. Who's in? 13 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,604 Nope. No. No. No. 14 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,360 Private jet. 15 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,461 Teeterboro airport, 16 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,196 Skinny-skydiving. Who's in? 17 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,431 Nope. Nah. No, thanks. 18 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,701 One beer. 19 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,569 Bar, downstairs, 20 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,638 15-second walk. Who's in? 21 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,340 Shh... 22 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,142 Lily went sleepy-bye. 23 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,645 It got so bad, barney 24 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,814 Tried to be his own wingman. Hi. 25 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,449 Have you met me? 26 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:55,254 Finally, he decided to bring in reinforcements. 27 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,555 All: No. 28 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,391 Yes. And do you know why? 29 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,728 Hang on to your bedsores, grandparents from willy wonka, 30 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,329 Because guess who's 31 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,331 On his way up to this apartment right now? 32 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,934 My... Wait for it... 33 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,403 Brother, james. React. 34 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,871 All: Hey! 35 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:13,906 You have a brother? 36 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,674 Yeah. He's the "awesome-est," 37 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,210 Most best "looking-est," greatest guy ever. 38 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,379 He's exactly like barney. 39 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,481 That's what I just said. 40 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,751 Well, barney and his brother aren't exactly alike. 41 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:26,785 James is gay. 42 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:27,987 Really? 43 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:30,055 Never in a million years 44 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,523 Would I picture you with a gay brother, that's awesome. 45 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:32,458 Yeah. I just wanted you 46 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,359 To have a heads up, so you don't 47 00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,727 Act all surprised when he gets here. 48 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,529 Here he is. 49 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:41,767 What up, new york? 50 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,004 Thanks for the heads up. 51 00:02:01,387 --> 00:02:03,622 How in god's name did it never come up 52 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,290 That barney has a gay, black brother? 53 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,559 Is he black? 54 00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,228 I guess I'm the kind of person that focuses 55 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,430 On who people are on the inside 56 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:12,831 Rather than the color of their skin. 57 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,967 I'm kidding, I just wanted to see your face. 58 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,970 Yeah, so now the wedding's back on. 59 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,505 Anyway, james, how have you been? 60 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,273 Awesome, as per "yoozh." 61 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,741 I just went skinny-skydiving. 62 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:23,976 Legendary. 63 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,277 And my laser tag team, 64 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,612 Just made it to regional finals. 65 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,113 "Legendarier." 66 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,515 And by now you've 67 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,517 Noticed the suit... Go 'head, touch it. 68 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,919 Handcrafted by pietro dellacamera, 69 00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:38,490 Milan's famous 101-year-old tailor 70 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,359 Who upon completing the very last stitch 71 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,528 In this suit dropped dead, 72 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,429 Which is ironic because that is how 73 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,365 Gorgeous I look in it. C'mon. 74 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,338 Gimme five. 75 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,140 Is "gimme five" back? Oh, yeah. 76 00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,109 I put it in my blog this morning. 77 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,678 Guys, "gimme five" is back! 78 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,980 Oh, james, this is my girlfriend, robin. Hey. 79 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,316 It's so nice to meet you. You, too. 80 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,652 So, I have to ask, there's a story here. 81 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,021 Both: Please. 82 00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:11,890 The truth is, barney and james got a lot of... 83 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,026 Different explanations from their mom over the years. 84 00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:16,395 Well, boys, you look different 85 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,297 Because when I was pregnant with you, 86 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,465 I only ate vanilla ice cream. 87 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,534 And when I was pregnant with you, 88 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,369 Can you guess what kind of ice cream I ate? 89 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,738 Coffee? No, james, 90 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,974 I ate chocolate ice cream. 91 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,076 But I did drink tons of coffee 92 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,377 When I was pregnant with both of you. 93 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,979 Can't smoke without my coffee. 94 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:39,585 I don't know, boys, I guess it's just one of those things. 95 00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,221 Stop asking me! 96 00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,255 You know what you two are? 97 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,524 You're little racists! 98 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,192 So what are you guys gonna do tonight? 99 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,760 I'll tell you what james is gonna do. 100 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,662 He's gonna do the job you've been neglecting. 101 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,331 And, as always, he'll do it 102 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,899 A lot better than you ever did. 103 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,901 Ted... 104 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,837 James is my wingman now. 105 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,373 Okay. 106 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,408 Last time james was in town, 107 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,244 Barney got slapped once, 108 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,878 Lucky twice, and... 109 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,780 Whose penthouse hot tub did you end up in? 110 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,782 Ah, public figure, confidentiality agreement. 111 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,217 But I will say this: 112 00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:14,086 Way more back hair than any guy 113 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:16,421 Who can afford laser hair removal should have. 114 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,724 And then there was the time 115 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,959 They scored the brother/sister combo. 116 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,194 Barney: It was everything 117 00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:23,528 We ever dreamed of when watching 118 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,063 Donnie and marie. 119 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,732 She was a little bit country. 120 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:29,568 He was a little bit way into black guys. 121 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,971 Yeah, barney and james together was a lethal combination. 122 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,407 Since there was never any crossover in targets, 123 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,809 James was always there for barney with the assist. 124 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,982 Whoa. 125 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,717 Your scarf... 126 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,052 It is fierce! 127 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,553 Thanks. H&m. 128 00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:49,955 What? I would never know, 129 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,591 'cause it is so hot that my eyes are melting. 130 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,459 Oh, I can't see. 131 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,995 Hey! You know, speaking of things 132 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,131 That would look good wrapped around you, 133 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,667 Have you met my straight brother, barney? 134 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,669 Oh, he is fab... Don't you go nowhere... 135 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:04,903 "ulous." okay? 136 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,273 And barney always returned the favor. 137 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:09,775 Help, I don't think he's breathing. 138 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,610 Does anyone know mouth-to-mouth? 139 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:12,978 Oh, my god, I do! 140 00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:16,506 Okay, great. How 'bout you instead? 141 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,651 Oh, man, I am so excited that you're here! 142 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,320 It has been forever since I have been around 143 00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:23,155 Anyone even remotely fun. 144 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,023 Uh, yes offense. 145 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,826 You guys are still going out with us tonight, right? 146 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:28,627 No. 147 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:29,629 Jammies. I don't think so. 148 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,363 Tonight? It's after 9:00, 149 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:34,499 And... I have warm soup belly. 150 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,935 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Guys... 151 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:40,205 You are young, attractive people here 152 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,174 In the greatest city on earth. 153 00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,009 There are boys and girls 154 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,478 In nobody cares, wyoming, wishing they could be here, 155 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,480 But instead, they are in someone's basement 156 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,482 Drinking bad malt liquor, debating 157 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,784 Whether or not they're going to spend their Saturday night 158 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,119 In the parking lot of the feed store 159 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,054 Or in some other dude's basement. 160 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,956 You owe it to them 161 00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,659 To rise up and shimmy your lazy asses 162 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,527 Into something hot, and you go out there 163 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,463 And you live their dream! 164 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:05,497 Can I get a "hell, yeah"? 165 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,865 Hell, yeah! Hell, yeah! 166 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,700 Can I get a "hell, yeah"? All: Hell, yeah! 167 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,869 Can I get a "whoo-whoo"? All: Woo-woo! 168 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:11,837 Go do it for wyoming! 169 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,805 Yes! 170 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,640 Testify! 171 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,210 So that night, barney got his wish. 172 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,711 We all went out. 173 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,013 Daddy's home! 174 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,982 Yeah. 175 00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,252 All right, bro. What do you like? 176 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,221 Guy in super tight black t? 177 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,323 Super tight black guy? 178 00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:32,724 Guy who looks like mr. T? 179 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,226 Mmm, yes, yes, and... 180 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,361 Talk to me after two martinis. 181 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,230 Let's focus on you, my man. 182 00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,865 I'm feeling lazy. 183 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,933 : How 'bout girl with the chocolatini? 184 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,336 Oh... Boom, back tattoo. 185 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,172 Hero and the pig? Let's ride. 186 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,607 Fo' 'sho. 187 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:53,545 Damn baby, nice tramp stamp! 188 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,013 Get off me, you pig! 189 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,348 Hey! Her body art 190 00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:57,682 Is not an invitation to grope her, 191 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,518 It's an expression of her inner self. 192 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,186 I'm sure, in many ways, she is 193 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,321 The dolphin encircled by flowers. 194 00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:04,723 What? What? What? What? 195 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:07,159 Cool. Popozao. 196 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,229 Let me know if he bothers you again. Thanks. 197 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:14,032 You should stay close... Just in case. 198 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,301 Oh. If it'll make you feel safer. 199 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,236 I'm barney. 200 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:21,640 Now, kids, when you're out at a noisy, crowded bar, 201 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,208 You can always tell the difference 202 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,776 Between the singles 203 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,244 And the couples. 204 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,246 You just have to look for the signs. 205 00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,582 Break. Boiling hot. 206 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,717 Singles stay on their feet for maneuverability. 207 00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:33,985 Hey! Hi, how are ya? 208 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,655 Both: Have you met my brother? 209 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,958 Oh, hello. Have a drink. 210 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,493 Nice to meet you. 211 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,765 Couples, exhausted by the sheer act of leaving the house, 212 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:50,335 Are obsessed with finding a place to sit down. 213 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,003 There are a lot of other indicators, too. 214 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,339 From choice of social lubricant... 215 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,740 Whoo! Wow! 216 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,009 To basic body language. 217 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,078 But the point is, 218 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,581 There are many ways to tell whether someone has 219 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,083 Single stamina or couples coma. 220 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,651 I wish I would've worn sneakers. 221 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,321 I just got finished running from some fat, hairy guy 222 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:12,123 Who was periscoping out of his pleather pants. 223 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,025 Permission to come aboard denied. 224 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,361 I miss my jammies. 225 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:18,864 I can't believe I wore a bra for this. 226 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:22,000 Bras suck... they're so confining and unnatural. 227 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,702 Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo. 228 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:24,836 Man: Well, why don't you 229 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,438 Take it off then and let those puppies breathe? 230 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,607 Oh, please go sweat on someone else. 231 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,309 Poor guy. 232 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,111 Poor guy? Poor my boobs. 233 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,046 Well, it takes a lot of guts to approach 234 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,948 A girl, and you just crushed him. 235 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,284 Oh, yeah, yeah. He looks all broken up inside. 236 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,186 Robin: Whatever, you guys 237 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,748 Have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end. 238 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:47,359 "Oh, poor me. I'm a pretty girl 239 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,160 "and everybody everywhere wants to buy me 240 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,328 Drinks and have sex with me." 241 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,830 Waa. 242 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,466 "Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy, pink drinks 243 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,701 "with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like, 244 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,003 But can't order because they'll be made fun of." 245 00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,739 Dude. They're delicious! 246 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,308 Excuse me. Join me in a shot? 247 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,243 Oh, no thanks. I've had enough. 248 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,082 He's too in shape; we'd spend all night 249 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,051 Talking about his body fat content. 250 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,855 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have 251 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,890 A yummy, pink drink with fruit in it... 252 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,158 Because I can. 253 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,429 You know, that was, like, the third hot guy 254 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:25,864 That james blew off tonight. 255 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,666 Yeah, he's turning down shots, 256 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,935 He's yawning, he's whining about his feet. 257 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,536 He's as bad as we are. 258 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,004 He is. 259 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,406 Wait, he's exactly as bad as we are. 260 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,373 You guys don't think 261 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,776 That james is... In a relationship? 262 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,879 No. There's no way. He's barney's brother. 263 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,180 Look at that. 264 00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:45,617 He's texting! 265 00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,752 Ted: Oh, my god! 266 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,020 He is in a couple. 267 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,189 This is gonna kill barney. 268 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,490 What's gonna kill me? 269 00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,926 What's going on? 270 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,695 B-barney? 271 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,930 Have you noticed anything... 272 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,732 Different about james? 273 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,534 No. 274 00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:05,470 I mean, he's glowing from his peel, if that's what you mean. 275 00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,307 We have reason to believe that james is, 276 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,142 Uh, maybe hiding something from you. 277 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,078 I-I know you're not gonna like hearing this, but... 278 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,312 Barney... 279 00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:17,816 Your brother is... 280 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,118 Monogamous. 281 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,554 That's ridiculous! 282 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,290 Just because he's a little sleepy, 283 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,458 And he hasn't had sex 284 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,160 With anyone in a bathroom stall... 285 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,829 Huh. 286 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,798 He hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall. 287 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,134 And, barney... 288 00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:38,103 I hate to be the one 289 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:41,673 To tell you this, but... He's texting. 290 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,574 No, he... 291 00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:43,908 No! 292 00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,278 That... 293 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,547 Is impossible. 294 00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:52,917 Excuse... 295 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,986 Excuse... Ex... 296 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,022 Hey, bro. 297 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,857 Don't change the subject. 298 00:10:58,859 --> 00:10:59,859 Let me see your phone. 299 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:00,959 Why? 300 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:01,993 I just want to see your phone. 301 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,294 Let me see your phone. 302 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,996 No, it's just a phone. It's just a phone! 303 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,365 And it's got internet access, and it's got a camera on it, 304 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,267 And you can surf the web and do the whole thing. 305 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,835 It's so amazing how far technology has come. 306 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,170 What kind of phone do you have? 307 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,005 I got... 308 00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:19,944 Who is this? 309 00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:22,747 And the answer better be: "I don't remember his name." 310 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:25,950 That is tom. 311 00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:28,920 And he's my fiancé. 312 00:11:28,944 --> 00:11:34,944 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 313 00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:37,028 Hey. 314 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,066 I don't support this. 315 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,133 Gay marriage? 316 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,803 Not gay marriage... marriage! 317 00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,472 How can you do this? 318 00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:50,341 We were raised in the same house, with the same values! 319 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,343 Believe me, 320 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,812 I fought this for a long time. 321 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,647 Come on, it's embarrassing. 322 00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:57,549 Look, 323 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,517 This felt unnatural to me, too, at first. 324 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,586 But I fell in love. 325 00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,422 And tom and I realized you can't fight love. 326 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,690 Oh, god. 327 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,158 Is that what you two do together? 328 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,661 You sit around the house and talk about love? 329 00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:11,663 I think... I'm gonna be sick. 330 00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:13,698 Okay, okay, look, 331 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,567 I need you to wrap your head around this, okay? 332 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:16,801 Because it is happening. 333 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,105 And I want you to be my best man. 334 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,706 What? 335 00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,074 No way. 336 00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:29,247 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. 337 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,521 I hope you change your mind. 338 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,894 Two beers, one shot. 339 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,463 Oh, it's a freaking epidemic. 340 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,969 Oh, sweetie! 341 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,337 Did you make that for me? 342 00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,839 Yes. 343 00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:58,243 Clam bake. 344 00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,844 Staten island. Who's in? 345 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,114 Okay, I didn't have high hopes for that one. 346 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,617 Okay, here's my thing. 347 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,452 If gay guys start getting married, 348 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,154 Then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. 349 00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,622 That's how it works. 350 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,290 They start something, then six months later, 351 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,658 Everyone follows. 352 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,507 Like now everyone gets manicures. 353 00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:17,662 I don't get manicures. 354 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,497 Okay, then like how... 355 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:20,732 Like getting your chest waxed. 356 00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:22,567 You get your chest waxed? 357 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,035 You know what I mean! 358 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,638 Gay marriage is going to cause 359 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,174 Single life, as we know it, to die out. 360 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:32,744 Think of how the american family will be strengthened. 361 00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:33,978 Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, 362 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,414 But you got to suck it up and be a man about this. 363 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,918 No. It's always been me and him together, 364 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,588 Being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two 365 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,657 Onto your ark of sexless boredom. 366 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,826 Just because james is getting married 367 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,994 Doesn't mean things are going to change. 368 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,529 Yeah. 369 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,651 Like things haven't changed with you people. 370 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,601 Look, my sister married a guy I didn't like. 371 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,137 Sandals and socks... Come on, buddy. 372 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,339 But I took her out, we celebrated. 373 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,107 It was the right thing to do. 374 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,109 You got to support him. 375 00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,277 Hmm. 376 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,346 You're right, ted. 377 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,115 This is a cause for celebration. 378 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,619 We need to take him out and celebrate the commitment 379 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,721 He and tom are about to make. 380 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,358 Yeah. 381 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,293 This is where we're celebrating the commitment 382 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,028 That tom and I are about to make? 383 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,129 What? Yeah! 384 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:28,366 See, that cage represents your commitment. 385 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,173 Oh, my god. 386 00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,975 Freedom has never tasted so delicious. 387 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,910 Hey. 388 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:39,978 You work out? 389 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,146 I do. 390 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,648 And thank you for noticing. 391 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:44,716 You're obviously 392 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:45,984 In very good shape yourself. 393 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,752 Well, I try. 394 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:48,987 So you want to dance? 395 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,555 You know what? 396 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,323 I'm very flattered, and, objectively, 397 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,725 You're a very attractive man, 398 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,026 But this is actually my fiancée. 399 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,594 I'm sorry. 400 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,062 You know, I saw your drink and I... 401 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,731 No, no, this isn't my drink. 402 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,199 This is hers. 403 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,201 No, it isn't. 404 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,335 Whatever. 405 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,436 How 'bout you? 406 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,538 Oh, I'm straight, too. 407 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,707 But I thank you for your time, 408 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,343 And I appreciate your interest in my body. 409 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:17,415 Being hit on doesn't have to be terrible. 410 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,285 I feel flattered, and everyone left with their dignity. 411 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,389 Hey, I really like your sweater. 412 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:25,757 Wow. 413 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,025 You actually do, don't you? 414 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,226 You're not checking out 415 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,794 My boobs or anything. 416 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,696 My name's gay ken, what do you think? 417 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:33,965 I love this place! 418 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,533 Let's dance! And not get groped! 419 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,602 Whoo! Thank you. 420 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,905 Damn. 421 00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:43,574 Thank you! 422 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,576 We're hot. Totally. 423 00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,280 And then tom says to the dealer 424 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,650 That the handmade georgian clock has a chip on the corner. 425 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,585 Blam, we get that puppy half price. 426 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:55,653 What up?! 427 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,555 Bam! 428 00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:00,124 Sounds like you really rocked that... 429 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,626 Arts and crafts fair. 430 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,827 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. 431 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,829 Hey, oh, my god. 432 00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,632 This is so liberating, being able to talk about this to you. 433 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,634 I cannot wait for you to meet tom. 434 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,102 And I cannot wait for you 435 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,570 To meet my good friend... 436 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,272 This guy. 437 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,607 Excuse me, do you know anyone who would like to buy 438 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,310 My incredibly muscular, fun, large-handed brother a drink? 439 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,013 Eh, eh, eh, let's focus on you, barnaby. 440 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,515 Okay. 441 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,651 All right. 442 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,820 I spy a group of women who have let their defenses down 443 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,088 Because they are in a gay club. 444 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,990 You see that chick right there? 445 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,524 She looks like she'd fall 446 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,159 For sports agent and football player. 447 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,494 Okay, I'm in. 448 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,462 Which one am I? 449 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:39,664 Please. 450 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,767 He's very shy, 451 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,002 Loves tennis and brazil, 452 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,336 And drops his pants after three dirty martinis. 453 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,404 Now go, man, go! 454 00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:55,380 I just never thought I'd see barney so vulnerable. 455 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,048 Well, I guess no one wants to feel like 456 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,149 They're going through the world alone. 457 00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,852 Look at me, in a yummy sandwich! 458 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,021 Okay, we're actually right in the middle 459 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,122 Of something right now, so... 460 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,790 Ooh, I know what I want to be 461 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:06,824 In the middle of. Thoughts? 462 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,626 Can't two straight guys 463 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,495 Come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno 464 00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,617 And good conversation without being bothered? 465 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,468 How's it going, guys? 466 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,570 Still enjoying the attentions of men? 467 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,006 That's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. 468 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,674 It's like, "hello, my eyes are up here." 469 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,210 And it's never the hot ones. 470 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,545 It's always the losers. Bums me out! 471 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,381 Looks like the boys learned their lesson. 472 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,316 Do you totally miss being hit on? 473 00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:34,358 Oh, totally. Let's go find a sports bar. 474 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,589 James, james, since you like arts and crafts, 475 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,058 Look at what charles here made 476 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,592 With cherry stems. 477 00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:43,661 He did it with his tongue. 478 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:44,762 Yeah. 479 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:45,696 Barney. 480 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,198 So, charles, 481 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,167 Why don't you put your number in my brother's phone, 482 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,601 And once he's in a funner mood... 483 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,236 Barney, barney, I don't want his number. 484 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,872 I don't want anyone's number, okay? 485 00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,741 I'm getting married. 486 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,210 Wow. Best of luck to you both. 487 00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,378 Thank you. 488 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,546 My number's in here. 489 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,414 I'm very discreet. 490 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,018 Okay, okay, excuse me. 491 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,853 Barney, family talk. 492 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,922 Okay, dude, you have got to stop this, okay? 493 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,557 I know that my getting married is threatening 494 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:13,691 To your way of life... 495 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,093 Oh, so now it's my way of life? 496 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,695 I thought it was our way of life. 497 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,530 You've completely turned your back on it. 498 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,299 Look at you, not even suited up. 499 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,401 Do you remember why we suit up, james? 500 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,303 To get laid. 501 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,472 To show people that we are different 502 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:30,041 From the millions of t-shirt- and-jeans lemmings out there. 503 00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:31,375 The suit shows 504 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:33,144 That we are a force to be reckoned with, 505 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,580 A two-person army that plays by its own rules. 506 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,115 But you've taken off the uniform, 507 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,383 You've crossed enemy lines, and you've abandoned me. 508 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,952 Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. 509 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:44,455 It's not too late to back out of this stupid marriage thing! 510 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,157 You don't have to do this, bro! 511 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,558 Yes, I do. Why?! 512 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,260 Because tom and I are gonna have a baby. 513 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,629 What? There's gonna be a baby? 514 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,966 Yes. 515 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,267 We're adopting. 516 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,002 Oh, my god. 517 00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,670 I'm gonna be an uncle? 518 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,206 For the rest of your life. 519 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,578 Ted: And that's how barney became uncle barney. 520 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,914 A year later, at james's wedding, 521 00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,682 Barney could not have been more proud. 522 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,684 To james and tom. 523 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,754 May you have a long and happy life together. 524 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,289 And may I always have the skin and libido 525 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,323 Of a much younger man. 526 00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,725 Cheers. All: Cheers. 527 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,661 Nice one. 528 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,330 Thanks. I decided to leave out the hetero college phase. 529 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,832 No one wants to hear about that. 530 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,367 It was perfect. 531 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,702 You even made tom's dad cry. 532 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,172 Might have been doing that because he's a republican. 533 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,341 Whoa. 534 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,442 It's 9:00. 535 00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:39,377 We should be getting back. 536 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,878 You guys want to split a cab? 537 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,147 Uh, no, I think I'm gonna stay a little bit longer. 538 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,849 Yeah, me, too. I'm not tired at all. 539 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,184 All right, well, it's getting late. 540 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,451 Got to get the wife home. 541 00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:48,486 Oh, stop calling me that. 542 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,787 It makes me sound fat. 543 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,556 Baby. 544 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,858 Ugh, it's a freaking epidemic. 545 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,726 See ya. 546 00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:02,033 ♪ 547 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,408 May I? Yeah. 548 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:18,049 Hey, buddy. 549 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,317 Your parents are married. 550 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,752 Now, listen, you. 551 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,355 Just because you're being raised by married people 552 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,424 Doesn't mean you have to choose that lifestyle. 553 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:27,925 High-five. 554 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:31,062 Luckily, you got me. 555 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:34,098 In 20 and a half years, you'll be 21, 556 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,867 And I will be... 557 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,669 Well, I haven't decided how old I'll be yet. 558 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,371 But we are gonna 559 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,873 Bro out, uncle and nephew style. 560 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,276 Stick with me, kid. 561 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:49,180 I am gonna teach you how to live. 562 00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:50,781 Great suit, by the way. 563 00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,354 Who is the cutest? 564 00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:06,697 I don't get it. 565 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,433 Tom liked my breasts in the tenth grade. 566 00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:13,704 Why doesn't he like them now? 567 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,206 Why? 568 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:19,043 Rosa, why always be attracted to the unavailable ones? 569 00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:21,412 Why not accept the fact that you're a beautiful woman 570 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,980 Who is worthy of love? 571 00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:25,082 Are you brave enough to hear that? 572 00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,550 You... 573 00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:28,352 Mmm.