1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:02,801 Ted: Kids, as you know, 2 00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,136 Christmas is a time you spend with your family. 3 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:07,439 So in December of 2006, I had three options. 4 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:10,809 Spend it with my mom and her new boyfriend clint, 5 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:14,780 Spend it with my dad and his new girlfriend micro-brewing, 6 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,782 Or head down to staten island to spend it 7 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,952 With my super religious cousin stacy and her family. 8 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,720 So I opted for none of the above 9 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,490 And decided to spend christmas 2006 10 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,658 In manhattan... 11 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,894 Celebrating with my other family. 12 00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:34,833 Okay, I have one last paper due at 5:00 p.M. Today, 13 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,902 So until then, I will be at the law library at school, 14 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,670 But I'm not to be disturbed for any reason. 15 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:39,738 Dude, open your eyes. 16 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,140 You're going to hurt yourself. 17 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,207 No, no. 18 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,809 Christmas eve winter wonderland is my reward 19 00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,477 For finishing my paper. 20 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:46,712 Oh. 21 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,580 Baby, do I smell your sinfully cinnamon cookies? 22 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,315 Yes. 23 00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,351 Damn me and my heightened other senses. 24 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,919 Must be strong. 25 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:56,088 Okay, I'll be back here at 5:00. 26 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:57,990 Save me at least 20 cookies 27 00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:00,552 And do not clean the bowl. 28 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:03,662 Is that a reindeer? 29 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:04,897 I don't want to know! 30 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,903 Hey, look. 31 00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:13,005 Our old answering machine. Oh, yeah. 32 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,773 After you left, we, uh, we unplugged it 33 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:15,841 Because it reminded marshall 34 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,743 Of how you used to, you know, leave messages. 35 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,211 But hey, 36 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,546 You guys are back together. 37 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:23,782 I say we're plugging it back in. 38 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,685 It's good to have you back. 39 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:30,722 Oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here. 40 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,192 Mr. Mosby: Hey ted, it's dad calling to check in. 41 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,627 I'm going fishing this weekend with my friend clint, 42 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,262 So if I don't hear from you beforehand, 43 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,231 I'll talk to you next week. 44 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,833 Yes, same clint. 45 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,736 Are you lying on the couch right now moping about lily? 46 00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,705 You are, aren't you? Oh... 47 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:47,773 Well, stop it. 48 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:48,807 She's not worth it. 49 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,610 You gotta get over that grinch. 50 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,378 But I didn't say "grinch." 51 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,947 I said a bad word. 52 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:57,716 A very, very bad word. 53 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,787 Oh, fudge. 54 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,523 But I didn't say fudge. 55 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:19,638 I'm... 56 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,773 A what? 57 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,641 I... 58 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,576 That was barney, that was barney. 59 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,745 That was you, ted. That was marshall. 60 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,447 Marshall left a message for marshall? 61 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:33,018 You know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. 62 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,754 Man, that machine, it really garbles your voice. 63 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,756 You know, it almost made it sound like I said... 64 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,758 Why would you call me that? 65 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,627 It was a fair question. 66 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,262 Marshall's breakup with lily had sent him 67 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,763 Into a deep depression 68 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,698 And nothing could get him out of it. 69 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,533 Until one day... 70 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,868 She was perfect. 71 00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,371 I lost the perfect woman. 72 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:55,774 I should have knocked her up when I had the chance. 73 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:56,608 Okay. 74 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,443 That's it. 75 00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,811 You're never going to get over her 76 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,813 Until you stop putting her on a pedestal. 77 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,549 So no more ice cream until you tell me 78 00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,471 One thing that's wrong with lily. 79 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,719 There's only one of her? 80 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,354 Okay. 81 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,890 She called off your wedding and dumped you 82 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,559 To be a painter in san francisco. 83 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,693 What do you call that? 84 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,696 Fiercely independent? Uh-uh. 85 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,698 Brave? 86 00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,735 I guess it was a little selfish. 87 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,204 There you go. 88 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,573 And in almost no time, 89 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:30,409 That spark turned into a roaring fire. 90 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,811 Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything. 91 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,580 She'd give it up for a bad pun. 92 00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,415 I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut. 93 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,217 Remember that time we heard her laughing 94 00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,052 And we thought she was watching weekend at bernie's, 95 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,888 But it turned out she was watching weekend at bernie's 2? 96 00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:44,756 And her art? 97 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,725 "I'm lily, I'm an artist." 98 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,727 She doesn't even own a beret. 99 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,029 Yeah, and if she's such a great "artist," 100 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,165 Why does she suck at pictionary? 101 00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:55,434 Who draws a ninja star like a star of david? 102 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,536 Come on, come on. Right, right? Yeah! 103 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,604 Another round! 104 00:03:58,606 --> 00:03:59,738 Yeah! 105 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,872 I was trying to help him. 106 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,107 I'm his best friend. 107 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,409 That's the best friend's job. 108 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,079 The best friend's job is to call me that word? 109 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,314 Yeah. 110 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:11,583 Oh, ted. 111 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,051 Oh, teddy boy. 112 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,586 Why is this such a big deal? 113 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,721 It's just a word. 114 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,289 We use lots of words, every day. 115 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,625 It shouldn't be any different than any other word. 116 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,193 Then why don't you say it now? 117 00:04:21,195 --> 00:04:22,995 Grinch. 118 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,732 You timed that didn't you? 119 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,066 Perfectly. 120 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,628 Well, at least you apologized. 121 00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:32,738 You apologized, didn't you? 122 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,039 Oh, yeah. 123 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,742 "I'm sorry" were the first words out of my mouth. 124 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,877 I'm sorry, but I am not apologizing. 125 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,380 I was just trying to put the guy back together. 126 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:42,714 You smashed him to pieces. 127 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,717 Are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that...? 128 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:46,918 No! Why not? 129 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:47,619 Because, lily, this summer, 130 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,087 You were kind of a grinch. 131 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,529 Both: Oooh. 132 00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:54,393 Oh, you'll be sorry, ted mosby. 133 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,596 Ted vivian mosby! 134 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:58,630 That's not my middle name. 135 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,799 You kiss your mother with that mouth? 136 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,401 Like you've never said that word. 137 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,436 I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. 138 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,604 Yet. 139 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:08,740 Are you sick? 140 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,008 Is it sick to find maturity 141 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,243 And experience sexy? 142 00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:12,245 No, I meant 143 00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:13,246 Do you have a cold? 144 00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:14,346 I'm fine. 145 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,285 I'm fine. 146 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,953 My nose is just overflowing with awesome 147 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,922 And I had to get some of it out. 148 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:27,759 Now, if you'll excuse me, the holidays are a time when people 149 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,328 Are lonely and desperate. 150 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:32,531 It's the most wonderful time of the year. 151 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,767 I should go apologize. 152 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,102 It's christmas eve. 153 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:41,139 Yeah. I mean, slamming doors and screaming curses? 154 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:45,177 If I wanted that, I would have gone home for the holidays. 155 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,281 I don't see any mistletoe, but... 156 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:55,220 Oh! Oh, god! 157 00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,222 Uh... "bless you" would have been nice. 158 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:00,359 You're sick. I'm not sick. 159 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,460 You're sick. 160 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,627 You know what? I am sick. 161 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,329 Sick of you telling me I'm sick. 162 00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,366 What up? 163 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:15,507 Ahh... Three flights of stairs, not a drop spilled. 164 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,641 Hey, buddy. 165 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,711 You sure this is gonna work? 166 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,979 Yeah, this is our thing. 167 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,381 In college, whenever I wanted to make up 168 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:24,216 With her, I'd buy her a beer. Cute, right? 169 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,251 Totally. Plus free mug. 170 00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:28,553 Come on. 171 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,256 Usually that would've done the trick, 172 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,392 But it turned out this was a problem 173 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,634 Not even alcohol could solve. 174 00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:45,404 Actually the beer helped a little. 175 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,910 She took the decorations. 176 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,879 She took the decorations! 177 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,280 What a grinch! 178 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,549 That time I did say "grinch." 179 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,750 All right. 180 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,152 I guess I have to call her, right? 181 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,288 Lily's cell phone. 182 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,792 She'll listen to reason... right? 183 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:08,293 Oh, hey, billy. 184 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:11,797 Actually, funny thing... The voice dial got you. 185 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,765 I was trying to call... 186 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,768 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 187 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,872 Yeah, the holidays are a rough time for everyone, billy. 188 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,941 Okay, yeah, dinner next Wednesday. 189 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,243 Okay. 190 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,878 Damn voice dial. 191 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:30,749 Barney! 192 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,250 What the hell are you doing?! 193 00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,953 Get in here, it's freezing outside. 194 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,421 Are you insane? 195 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:38,123 Hey, blame lily and her 196 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,959 Oppressive "no cigars in the apartment rule." 197 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,961 God, it's like marshall's marrying the taliban. 198 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:44,964 High five. 199 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,431 Eww. No. 200 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:49,968 You have to go home and get to bed. 201 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,405 Oh, robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, 202 00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:55,740 Let me tell you 203 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,844 About a little thing I like to call mind over body. 204 00:07:58,846 --> 00:07:59,945 You see, 205 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,813 Whenever I start feeling sick, 206 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,951 I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. 207 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,085 True story. 208 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:10,288 Yeah, in two minutes, 209 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:14,793 I'm going to pound a sixer of red bull, hop in a cab, 210 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,962 Play a couple of hours of laser tag, 211 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:21,266 Maybe get a spray-on tan. 212 00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,702 It's gonna be legen... 213 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,871 Wait for it... 214 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:30,108 Lily! 215 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,010 Merry christmas, assface. 216 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,545 Um, lily? 217 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,347 Where are the christmas decorations? 218 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:37,816 At my apartment. 219 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,619 So we can celebrate christmas together... please? 220 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:43,221 Ted, do you know what I would do 221 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,390 If one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? 222 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,526 I would be on the phone with their parents. 223 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,461 Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner. 224 00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:50,529 Exactly. 225 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:51,563 You know what that word means. 226 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,398 You know that calling people names 227 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,535 Is mean and hurtful... Assface. 228 00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:57,569 Lily, if you don't 229 00:08:57,571 --> 00:09:00,131 Bring that stuff back right now, we... 230 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,840 She hung up. 231 00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,742 She's just mad. She'll cool down. 232 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:04,376 Mm-hmm. 233 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,911 Aha. 234 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,045 Lily... 235 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,547 Don't forget to take the cookies 236 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,382 Out of the oven... Assface! 237 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,183 Damn it! 238 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:13,985 I could be in cleveland right now 239 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,221 Making peppermint lager with my dad. 240 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,889 Where are you going? 241 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,024 Marshall gets home in three hours. 242 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:22,661 He's gonna show up... No lily, no winter wonderland. 243 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:23,962 I gotta get up to the bronx. 244 00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:27,799 Dary. 245 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,705 Hey, dude, how's the paper going? 246 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,106 Screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? 247 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,108 Is it magical? 248 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,043 Oh... So magical. 249 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,911 When you walk through the door, does it feel 250 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,746 Like you've been slapped in the face by christmas? 251 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:42,681 Sure does. 252 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:43,782 Look, I gotta go. 253 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,216 Come on, man, describe it! 254 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,685 Tell me about the decorations. 255 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,552 Is rudolph there? 256 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:48,554 He is, isn't he? 257 00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,255 Hi, rudolph! 258 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,223 Ah, yeah, but, you know... 259 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,793 Decorations, is that really what christmas is about? 260 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,428 Hell, yeah! What else would it be about? 261 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,763 Uh, try the birth of christ. 262 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:02,601 You know, christmas... Christ mas, 263 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,437 Which means "more christ" to our spanish friends. 264 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,607 Yeah, well, all I know is walking through that door 265 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:11,443 And seeing the winter wonderland and seeing lily 266 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,078 And all you guys, just... 267 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,412 I can't wait. 268 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,914 Right. I gotta go. 269 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,482 Right. Okay. Oh, wait. 270 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,950 Ted, ted, ted, ted. One more thing. 271 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,032 How about the cookies? Are they delicious? 272 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,993 You know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought. 273 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:29,761 Oh! I got another call. 274 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,063 Well, tell lily I love her. 275 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,065 Right. 276 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,265 Hello? 277 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,267 Ted evelyn mosby! 278 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,602 Oh. Uh, hey, mom. 279 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:41,940 I just got the most disturbing call from lily. 280 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:45,343 How could you use such a horrible word? 281 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,312 Oh, god, she called you? 282 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,414 Are you acting out because of the divorce? 283 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:50,749 Is-is this all about clint? 284 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,751 No, mom, why would it be about clint? 285 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,953 Hey, buddy, it's clint. 286 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,655 How you doing, champ? 287 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,289 Hey, clint. Listen, um, 288 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,258 Hey, hey, no, I don't really have time to... 289 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:00,959 No, no. Ted, ted. 290 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,027 You don't know this yet, 291 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,796 But you and I are going to be great friends. 292 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,164 Now, 293 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,726 The native americans have this ritual... 294 00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:14,750 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 295 00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,077 This is a low moment for the barnacle. 296 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:23,181 I should be off playing laser tag right now, 297 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,849 But instead... 298 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,519 Don't look at me. I'm hideous. 299 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,854 You just look like a regular guy. 300 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,056 Exactly. 301 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,457 I'm a ted. 302 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,859 I'm wearing elastic-waist fleece pants. 303 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,728 And isn't it more comfy? 304 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,730 Yes. 305 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,799 Come on, you need eat something. 306 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,568 Too weak... 307 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:46,204 To hold... Bowl. 308 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,407 Fine, I'll feed you. 309 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,809 Mmm. 310 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,648 Ouchie in my mouth! 311 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,888 I don't want it. I want ice cream. 312 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,423 No, you're not having ice cream 313 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,891 For dinner just 'cause you're sick. 314 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,560 But my throat hurts. No. 315 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:09,594 I hate you! 316 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,663 Oh. Don't leave me. 317 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,105 Who is it? 318 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,240 Pizza delivery. 319 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,378 Whoa. 320 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,280 Hey, you tricked me. 321 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,882 You really thought I was the pizza delivery guy? 322 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,184 No, I knew it was you. 323 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,854 I just thought you'd at least bring a pizza. 324 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:39,090 Yeah, well, I brought a beer, 325 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,292 But I gave it to a homeless guy. 326 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,728 All right, he took it from me. 327 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,764 Now, will you please come home? 328 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,733 No, I'm not spending christmas with you. 329 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:52,937 Okay, I'm sorry for calling you a... That word, 330 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,039 Over the summer, 331 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,708 And for saying it again today. 332 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,043 And for thinking it a lot on the subway ride over. 333 00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:01,079 I had no right to say that. 334 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,480 It was hurtful 335 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,882 And immature and I'm sorry. 336 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,250 Oh, shut up. 337 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,718 You think I don't know 338 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,787 Your fake apologies by now, ted mosby? 339 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:09,754 Huh? 340 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,923 You're clearly still mad at me. 341 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,892 I'm not mad at you. Yes, you are. 342 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,594 I am not mad at you, lily. Now, can we please just... 343 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,630 I've apologized to marshall and he's forgiven me 344 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,799 And we've moved passed it. Why can't you? 345 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,401 Because you never apologized to me. 346 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,839 You leave for three months, you don't even call. 347 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,275 Come on, lily, we're supposed to be friends! 348 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,410 Yeah, some friend, you called me a grinch. 349 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:33,344 You were a grinch! 350 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,313 How can you... Grinchy, 351 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:39,184 Grinch, grinch, grinch grinch, grinch, grinch. 352 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:41,653 Happy? 353 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,855 Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs. 354 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,291 Yeah, I'm sure god cares if I... 355 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,360 Big guy upstairs: You use that language again and I'll turn off your water! 356 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,362 That's my super. He lives above me. 357 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,364 Great. 358 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,698 Thanks to your filthy mouth, 359 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,201 Now I'm going to have christmas alone in the dark. 360 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:58,970 Fine. I don't want to ruin christmas. 361 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,104 You can have the apartment. 362 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,472 Don't worry about seeing me there 363 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,208 I'll be in staten island with my cousin stacy. 364 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,343 Just... 365 00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:08,780 Ow. 366 00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:13,685 Merry christmas. 367 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:17,021 You're spending christmas eve with your family? 368 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:20,058 Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry. 369 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,460 Uh, they're fine. They're just... They're a little weird. 370 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,896 You know they don't believe in gifts or christmas trees. 371 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,031 And they think santa's how satan spells his name 372 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,967 When he wants to trick us. 373 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,402 Well, do you want me to go with you? 374 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,070 Was that a sincere offer? 375 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,905 First tell me your answer. 376 00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:36,040 Stay there. Save yourself. 377 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,575 We'll spend all day together tomorrow. 378 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,409 Okay. 379 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:42,513 You mean the whiney bottomless pit of neediness? 380 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:46,251 He was bugging me, so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine. 381 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,721 You're gonna be a great mom. 382 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,456 Mm-hmm. 383 00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:59,063 Holy crap, the magical christmas season is upon us. 384 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:02,200 And thank god we don't pay for utilities. 385 00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:06,070 Merry christmas! What's in the box? 386 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,340 Only the best christmas present for the best girl ever. 387 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,042 It took me all day to track it down. 388 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,244 I thought you were writing a paper. 389 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,412 Ah, naw, I blew that off. 390 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,914 I'll get an extension. School's not important. 391 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:19,617 What is that pitter patter on the roof? 392 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:23,621 Could it be the sound of an awesome christmas story 393 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,390 About to come down the chimney? 394 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,525 Why, yes, it is. 395 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:30,361 'Twas the day before christmas... 396 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,630 It was supposed to arrive, like, five days ago, 397 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,432 But then it got lost and rerouted. 398 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,433 I checked two other branches, 399 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,035 Finally they told me it was here. 400 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:39,537 Yeah, all I needed to know was the tracking number. 401 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,873 Looks like it's headed out 402 00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,608 To our regional branch in poughkeepsie. 403 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,076 What? 404 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:48,379 No, no, no, no, I need that package today. 405 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,415 Listen, the truck already left five minutes ago, 406 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,583 So unless you want to run after it... 407 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,486 Stop! 408 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,155 Stop! 409 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,257 Stop, please, stop. 410 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:02,026 Stop the truck. 411 00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:06,731 I need a package on your truck. 412 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,099 Can I please take a look in back? 413 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:10,401 Sure. But I gotta keep driving my route. 414 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:11,636 I'm running behind. 415 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,942 Whoa. 416 00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,243 Wpd driver: My bad. 417 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,312 I'm okay. 418 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,782 Hey, man, 419 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,118 Thanks for helping me make my fiancée's christmas. 420 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,252 No problem. 421 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,188 Too bad I can't deliver all these packages 422 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,522 By the end of the day. 423 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,258 Wait, so some people aren't going to get their gifts 424 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,927 In time for christmas? 425 00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:38,329 Sadly, no. 426 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:52,210 ♪ They call me back door santa 427 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:56,514 ♪ I make my runs about the break of day ♪ 428 00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:02,286 ♪ They call me back door santa 429 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:06,024 ♪ I make my runs about the break of day ♪ 430 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,191 ♪ Oh, ho, ho 431 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,862 ♪ I make all the little girls happy... ♪ 432 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:13,498 We delivered every single package on that truck. 433 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,500 Oh. 434 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,134 But I still have one package left to give. 435 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:16,801 Mmm. 436 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:17,735 Yeah, I did. 437 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,705 Merry christmas. 438 00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,408 Open it, baby. Okay. 439 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,742 Ah. 440 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,744 Oh, my god. 441 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,480 An easy bake oven! 442 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:32,350 I've wanted one of these ever since I was a little girl. 443 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,118 In this exact model. 444 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,622 I never told you that. How did you know? 445 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,992 It's our first christmas since we got back together. 446 00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:42,693 I want to get her something really special. 447 00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,395 So I'm getting her a jukebox. 448 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,564 Wow, that's a great gift. 449 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,901 Not really. It's this big and it dispenses gum. 450 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:53,738 Oh, man, I know something you could get her 451 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,907 That would blow her mind. 452 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,109 Ready? 453 00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,410 Eight years ago... 454 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:06,184 When I was a kid, all I wanted was an easy bake oven. 455 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,920 I begged and I begged, but all I got 456 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,588 Was a stupid lego set 457 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,191 Because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming 458 00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,726 To traditional gender roles. 459 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:20,832 Easy bake oven... that's what I'm going to call my van. 460 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,936 Dude... 461 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,804 How was the concert? 462 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:31,742 I couldn't find the outside. 463 00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:38,916 I can't believe ted remembered after all these years. 464 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,219 Yeah, and after all that weed. 465 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:43,588 Where is he anyway? 466 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,723 Staten island. 467 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,725 Why? 468 00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:52,597 All right, don't tell your mom, 469 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,266 But I got you guys some presents. 470 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,168 Like the the gift of god's love? 471 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,303 No, dude, real presents. 472 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,540 Uncle ted got us presents! 473 00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:07,278 That's okay, ted, we'll just give them to charity. 474 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,412 Yay! 475 00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:09,981 Uh, not you, charity. 476 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,849 I meant the less fortunate. 477 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,620 Ted, how would you like to say grace tonight? 478 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,356 Uh, you know what, why don't you say it. 479 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,191 I really wouldn't know what to say. 480 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,627 Why don't you recite your favorite passage of scripture. 481 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,263 That's a great idea, charity. 482 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,864 But, really, I don't know. 483 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,433 I mean how do you choose your favorite passage? 484 00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:30,501 It's the bible; 485 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,337 There's so many... Great ones... 486 00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:38,109 ooh, I'll get it. Charity, I'm tapping you in. 487 00:19:38,111 --> 00:19:41,045 Dear, father, thank you for this day, 488 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,814 And thank you for bringing this family together. 489 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,116 Amen. 490 00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:46,450 Who is it, ted? 491 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:51,389 Uh, it's... It's just, um, carolers. 492 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:58,196 ♪ Silent night 493 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:01,899 All: ♪ holy night... 494 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:05,803 I came here to apologize. 495 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,138 I'm so sorry, ted. 496 00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:08,506 I accept. Give me the beer. 497 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,141 Mmm... 498 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,413 Mm, oh, it is so good to see you guys. 499 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,847 Are you coming home? 500 00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:19,884 Totally. 501 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,019 But first, lily, I owe you an apology. 502 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:26,023 Oh, for the love of god, are you as sick of apologies as I am? Yes! 503 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:29,493 Can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving? Yes. 504 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:34,031 And I promise, I will never ever call you a... You know, again. 505 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,333 That's okay. 506 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,034 I was kind of a grinch. 507 00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,803 What's a grinch? 508 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,107 Nothing. It's something you shouldn't say. 509 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,576 Mom, what's a grinch? 510 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:47,945 Grinch, grinch, grinch... 511 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:48,913 Grinch, grinch, grinch... 512 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,215 Grinch, grinch, grinch... 513 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,017 Grinch, grinch, grinch... 514 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,720 Grinch, grinch... Merry christmas, everybody. 515 00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:58,289 Run, run. 516 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:19,210 Merry christmas, marshall.