1
00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:03,435
Ted: Kids, you remember
my first date with robin.

2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,437
I think I'm in love with you.

3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,338
What?!

4
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,673
Well, here's the thing,

5
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,109
Normal people, you know,
people who aren't your dad,

6
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,644
Usually take longer
to say "I love you."

7
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,613
Robin went through
the usual stages.

8
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,182
Spider!

9
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,544
Spider! I left something
in the hallway.

10
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,286
Where? Right there.

11
00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:22,621
Got it.

12
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:25,391
First there's the moment
when you think you think it.

13
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,426
Whoa, still alive.

14
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,529
There's the moment
you think you know it.

15
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,866
Oh, you don't want to
kiss me, you'll get sick.

16
00:00:33,890 --> 00:00:39,890
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com

17
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:43,475
Totally worth it.

18
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:46,378
There's the moment
where you know you know it,

19
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,347
But you can't yet say it.

20
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:49,848
All right, it's getting
to be that time.

21
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:50,916
I'll talk to you tomorrow?

22
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,651
Good night.

23
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,819
Good night.

24
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,821
Wait. Ted?

25
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:56,922
Yeah?

26
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,326
Good night.

27
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,830
Well, great, I'll see you then.

28
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:05,832
Bye, sweetie.

29
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,901
My sister katie is coming
to visit next weekend.

30
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,335
She gets in on Thursday.

31
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:11,904
That's awesome. You know
what I'm going to do?

32
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,338
I'm going to take
off work Friday.

33
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,174
We're gonna take her to
the empire state building.

34
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,743
Really? You'd do that?

35
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,878
Of course. Everyone should see
the empire state building.

36
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,249
And then there's the moment
when you know you know it,

37
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,251
And you can't keep it in
any longer.

38
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,953
Ted. Yeah?

39
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,924
Falafel.

40
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,043
Falafel?

41
00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:52,144
Falafel.

42
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,413
Instead of telling ted
you love him,

43
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,881
You said "falafel"?

44
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,216
I totally choked.

45
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:58,417
I just don't get it.

46
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,719
Why can't you tell
ted you love him?

47
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,588
Oh, come on, this
is a big deal for me.

48
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,991
Oh, god, you'd think you never
said it to a guy before.

49
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,594
No.

50
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,429
Okay, well, I don't
usually get this far

51
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,563
In the relationship.

52
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,565
I usually take
the three-week exit.

53
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,434
Don't tell me you're
actually buying into

54
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:16,902
Barney's freeway theory.

55
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,905
Watch your steps when you get
up, kids, 'cause I am about

56
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,573
To drop some knowledge.

57
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,809
Relationships are like
a freeway.

58
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,611
Wait a minute, a month ago
you told me relationships

59
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,246
Are like a traveling circus.

60
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,168
No, this is new.
This trumps that.

61
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:30,949
Freeways have exits.

62
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,351
So do relationships.

63
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:35,087
The first exit, my personal
favorite, is six hours in.

64
00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:36,455
You meet, you talk,
you have sex,

65
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,157
You exit when
she's in the shower.

66
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,758
So every girl you have sex with

67
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,994
Feels the immediate
need to shower?

68
00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:43,662
Actually, yeah, I get that.

69
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:47,599
The next exits are four days,
three weeks, seven months...

70
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,935
That's when you guys are gonna
break up, mark your calendars.

71
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,170
Hey! What?

72
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,871
Then a year and a half,
18 years,

73
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,173
And the last exit... death.

74
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:56,642
Which, if you've been with the
same woman for your entire life,

75
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:59,378
It's like, "are we there yet?"

76
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,381
So I've never been on the
freeway this long before.

77
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,449
I mean, usually by now,
I find out the guy

78
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,151
Has some weird personality thing

79
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:07,819
That makes me want
to take the next exit.

80
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,022
Yeah, been there.
I once dated a guy

81
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:11,490
Who could only
go to the bathroom

82
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,959
When classical music
was playing.

83
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,195
Okay, it was marshall.

84
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:19,631
It's just things are
going so well with ted.

85
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,633
I just don't want
to complicate it.

86
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,702
Relax, it'll happen
when it happens.

87
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,837
Which is also the advice
I gave marshall

88
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,640
To get him over
the classical music thing.

89
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,109
Oh, here comes katie.

90
00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:34,413
Aw, your sister's so cute. Yeah.

91
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,715
This reminds me of
when I used to see her

92
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,884
Coming up the driveway
from school,

93
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:42,554
With her little pigtails
and her hello kitty backpack.

94
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,658
Well, hello, kitty. Oh, no.

95
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,994
No. No. No.

96
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,496
Hey, robin.

97
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,031
Hey. How are you?

98
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,900
Oh, good. Good.

99
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:59,371
So, who is this...
Tongue person?

100
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,439
Oh, robin,

101
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:01,840
This is my boyfriend kyle.

102
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:05,344
Looks like hotness
runs in the family.

103
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,679
Oh, you said that.

104
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:08,580
Great.

105
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,016
So how long have
you two been...?

106
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:14,353
He's actually coming to visit
family in new york, too.

107
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,355
Isn't that great?

108
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:16,455
My cousin.

109
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,023
He's 23, kind of a wad,

110
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,524
But he buys me beer, so...

111
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,026
that's cool.

112
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,028
This is my friend lily.

113
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,763
Hot.

114
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,365
You say things!

115
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,367
Well, come on, let's get you

116
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,369
Back to my place,
we'll get you settled.

117
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,537
Um, actually, I'm going
to stay with kyle tonight.

118
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:33,805
Uh, no, you're not.

119
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:34,539
Oh, come on.

120
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,242
It's kind of a special night.

121
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,810
If you know what I mean.

122
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,445
What?

123
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,982
Oh. Oh...

124
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,287
I can't believe my baby sister

125
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:49,755
Is planning
to lose her virginity

126
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:52,891
To a douche with a faux-hawk.

127
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,994
You guys have to help me
talk her out of it.

128
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:59,831
Speech to talk a girl
out of having sex.

129
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,733
Yeah, I don't have any of those.

130
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,636
Discouraging premarital sex
is against my religion.

131
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,606
Please? I'm her older sister.
I'm supposed to teach her

132
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,175
How to make good
and responsible decisions.

133
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:14,246
It's 2:00 and you've already
had three scotch and sodas.

134
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:16,448
That's why I need your help.

135
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,685
Robin convinced katie to stay
with her that first night.

136
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,086
And the next day,

137
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,689
I took everybody
to the empire state building.

138
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,624
You guys are lucky you came here
with an architect.

139
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,759
Empire state building
fun fact number one:

140
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,962
When construction began on March
17, 1930, the framework rose

141
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:33,765
At a rate of four and a half
stories per week.

142
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,380
Four and a half stories
per week.

143
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:38,804
Four and a half stories
per week.

144
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:40,439
Wow. There it is.

145
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:41,973
There it is. Come on.

146
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,310
These are fun facts, guys,
let's have fun with them.

147
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,045
You know, katie, I have wanted

148
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,781
To come to the empire state
building for so long,

149
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,517
But I waited to come here
with someone special.

150
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,152
Oh, here we go.

151
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,787
Marshall and I have never been

152
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,956
To the empire state
building, either.

153
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,959
I waited to do something
so important

154
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,194
With my fiancé.

155
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:03,962
Speaking of waiting,

156
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,997
I signed an abstinence
pledge in high school.

157
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,699
It's totally cool to wait.

158
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:11,136
And stay away from drugs...
Other than pot.

159
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,738
You told them?

160
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:13,705
Oh, okay, yes, I told them.

161
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,674
But only because I think
you should hear it

162
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:16,808
From other grownups, too.

163
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,511
Everyone thinks
you should wait, right, guys?

164
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:22,047
Totally. You should wait.
Sex is fun.

165
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,515
See?

166
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,483
You are such a hypocrite.

167
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,084
You were only 16
when you lost yours.

168
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,320
How do you know that?
You left your diary

169
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:30,255
In your old room
slash my new room.

170
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,758
I'll pay you $10,000
for that diary.

171
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,494
Look, I've been dating kyle
for two months now.

172
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,828
It's like forever.

173
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,398
I mean, we've already
done everything else.

174
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,432
I mean, we've even...

175
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,934
Oh. La, la, la, la, la.

176
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,737
La, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la.

177
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:49,775
Even kyle gets to do that.

178
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,411
You have no right
to tell me not to do it.

179
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,246
But kyle?
Why can't you just wait?

180
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,714
Because if you wait, you can get

181
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,783
A nice guy, like ted.

182
00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,751
Robin, this is happening.

183
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:03,288
Look, I already put it up
on my myspace page.

184
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,190
I need a clove.

185
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,025
You smoke now, too?

186
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,860
Oh, remember cloves?

187
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,595
No! No "aw, remember cloves?"

188
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,030
This can't happen.

189
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,064
She's my

190
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,967
She should be watching
the little mermaid

191
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,570
And drinking yoohoo,
and not having sex.

192
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,139
Come on, you were only
16 when you had sex.

193
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,040
I was 17.

194
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,074
We were 18.

195
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,543
Barney was probably 12.

196
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:27,105
Good one, ted.

197
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,215
I was, uh, six... Fourt...

198
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,750
How old were you again?

199
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:32,984
17.

200
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,753
Dude, me, too.

201
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,388
Barney, you okay?

202
00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:37,422
Yeah, of course.

203
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:38,590
What, you don't believe me?

204
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,759
It was at camp, so I'm...
What camp?

205
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,929
This place in the catskills.
Look it up.

206
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,031
I was there teaching
for the summer, so...

207
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,066
What did you teach?

208
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,235
Uh, dance.

209
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,503
Dance?

210
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,585
Yeah, ted, dance.
Maybe you've heard of it.

211
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,241
It was just a simple summer job,

212
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:59,010
But it turned into so much more.

213
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:01,980
Barney:
Her name was frances houseman,

214
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,281
But everyone called her baby.

215
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,449
♪ Sylvia

216
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,917
♪ yes, mickey?

217
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,119
♪ How you call your loverboy?

218
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,589
♪ Come here, loverboy

219
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,457
♪ and if he doesn't answer

220
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,626
♪ oh, loverboy

221
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,528
♪ and if he still doesn't
answer? ♪

222
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:20,632
♪ I simply say, baby...

223
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:24,769
♪ oh, baby

224
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,939
♪ my sweet baby

225
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,875
That's dirty dancing.

226
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,710
Ted: It was on last night.

227
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:32,811
No, it was two nights ago.

228
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:33,945
"She's like the wind"

229
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,981
Has been stuck in my brain
for about 40 hours.

230
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,149
I just got it out.
Now it's back in.

231
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,284
Damn you, swayze!

232
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,988
Do you remember our first time?

233
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,356
Yeah.

234
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:45,857
It was back in college.

235
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,960
Oh, wait, wait. Look...

236
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,963
I really want to do this, but...

237
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,132
We should make it
special, you know?

238
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,700
Do this right.

239
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,005
Okay.

240
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:00,972
You're right.

241
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,807
Maybe we could go to the beach

242
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,309
And get a house for the weekend.

243
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,478
Yeah, new year's eve.

244
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,813
Okay.

245
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:11,683
Oh, and we'll light candles

246
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:14,653
And maybe put on
some classical music.

247
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:15,987
That's not a good idea.

248
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,556
Why not?

249
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:18,823
Long story.

250
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,725
But maybe we could
put on some al green

251
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,661
And take a bubble bath together.

252
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,896
Oh, yeah, that sounds so good.

253
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:27,399
Oh, I love you, marshall.

254
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,101
I'm so glad we're waiting.

255
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:34,839
Oops.

256
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,074
Oh, that's adorable.

257
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,543
Yeah, tell her
what happened next.

258
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,111
That was amazing.

259
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,179
Yeah.

260
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,048
Want to do it again?

261
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,083
Please don't.

262
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,519
We said we were sorry.

263
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,087
Yeah, well, then
why'd you do it again?

264
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,789
You know what,
I loaned you my walkman.

265
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,891
The point is

266
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,459
No matter what,
it's never gonna be

267
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,261
As perfect as you want it to be.

268
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,862
Well, mine was terrible.

269
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,424
Wait, I've never
heard your story.

270
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,201
Well, as you know, I was 16.

271
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,137
And it was
with my boyfriend, brian.

272
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,542
Ready?

273
00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:11,977
Yeah.

274
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,878
Wow.

275
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,614
This feels so right.

276
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,082
Oh, I know.

277
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,084
Oh, robin.

278
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,352
Oh, brian.

279
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:24,522
Yeah, I'm gay.

280
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,459
I'm so sorry.

281
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,728
Eh, I should've known.

282
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,763
There were signs.

283
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,298
Oh, my god!

284
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,899
My mom's home. Quick!

285
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,581
Get under my bed. What?!

286
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:40,238
Oh, my god!

287
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,242
You only get one shot
at losing your virginity.

288
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,978
And even though I just barely
had sex, it counts.

289
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,648
What do you mean just barely?

290
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,850
Well, he didn't dive
all the way into the pool,

291
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:56,655
But he... Splashed around
in the shallow end.

292
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,757
Then you didn't lose
your virginity to him.

293
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,759
"Just barely" doesn't count.

294
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:01,860
Yes, it does.

295
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:02,927
No, it doesn't. Yes, it does.

296
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:03,962
No, it doesn't.

297
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,031
It doesn't count. End of story.

298
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:09,968
Ooh, why, lily aldrin,
you saucy little harlot.

299
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,269
Could it be that before marshall

300
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:14,439
Took a swim,
someone else tested the water?

301
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:18,576
: No. Nobody else
tested the water, right?

302
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,780
Scooter?

303
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,981
Who's scooter?

304
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:23,882
My high school boyfriend,

305
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,850
Who I did not have sex with.

306
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,852
I can't believe this.

307
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,388
We're marshall and lily...
When people see us, they say,

308
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,525
"oh, look at them, they've
only had sex with each other."

309
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,626
No, marshall, they say,

310
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:35,894
"oh, look at them,

311
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,996
They've only had sex
with each other."

312
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,164
Marshall: But now

313
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,566
That's not true anymore...
Now you've had sex

314
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,668
With twice as many
people as I have.

315
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,904
I knew that you were
too good at it.

316
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,972
Know what? I don't want to see

317
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,307
The stupid
empire state building anymore.

318
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,809
It's not stupid.

319
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:51,811
I'm going to see kyle.

320
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:52,977
Katie, please.

321
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,213
You only get
to lose your virginity once.

322
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,982
You should only be having sex
with someone who's special.

323
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:00,852
Oh, please... you've had sex
with, like, a hundred guys.

324
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,721
It's not a hundred guys.

325
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,589
It's not a hundred guys.

326
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,991
I'm sure you were madly
in love with all of them.

327
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:10,161
I had different levels
of feeling for each of the...

328
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,263
Very reasonable number of guys.

329
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,499
Really.

330
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,135
Well, do you love ted?

331
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,243
Do you love ted?

332
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:28,046
I, um...
Okay, empire state building

333
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,014
Fun fact number 22:

334
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:32,183
The empire state building
has tons of places

335
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,919
Where people can have
private conversations.

336
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,088
You're off the hook, okay?
Just let me explain.

337
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,690
You don't have to
explain anything.

338
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,692
You don't have to
say it... it's fine.

339
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:44,529
Okay, but if relationships
are like a freeway,

340
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,298
Then saying... "hm hm hm"

341
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,968
Is like... Getting
into the carpool lane.

342
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:53,037
And I don't want
to take an exit, but...

343
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,039
At the same time,

344
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,274
I'm not ready to get
into the carpool lane.

345
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,976
Because what's
in the carpool lane?

346
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,912
Oh, it's a big diamond,
and I'm just not ready to get...

347
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,881
Okay, robin, robin, stop.

348
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,083
It's no big deal...
You don't have to say it.

349
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,652
It's just, it's a big thing
to say to someone,

350
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,120
And I don't want
to say it too soon.

351
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,156
What, you mean like I did?

352
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,724
No. I didn't...

353
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:15,126
Yeah, like you did.

354
00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:19,564
I mean, you have to admit it,
ted, it was a little weird.

355
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:22,100
Weird... Or courageous?

356
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,068
Pretty sure weird. Okay.

357
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,404
I mean, who gives it up
on the first date?

358
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,907
Well, come on, it shows I'm
brave and bold, like a knight.

359
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,009
No, it shows that you're
an I-love-you slut.

360
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,077
Well, then you're an
I-love-you prude.

361
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,913
You know what? I take mine back.

362
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,581
You... What? I take
my "I love you" back.

363
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:39,083
You can't take it back. Nah. Just did.
Got it right here.

364
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,685
But, you know, I'm such a slut,

365
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:41,786
I'm just gonna give it away

366
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,354
Hey, you, sir. I love you.

367
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,856
Thank you, man.

368
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:48,092
I was going up there to jump.

369
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,198
Lily: Marshall, why is
this such a big deal?

370
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,500
Why is this such a big deal?

371
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,368
Oh, uh, sorry,
christopher columbus,

372
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,604
Guess who actually
discovered the new world.

373
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,806
Some dude named scooter.

374
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:04,642
Neil armstrong,
it actually goes like this:

375
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:08,112
"one small step for man,
one giant leap for scooter."

376
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,547
Whoa, hey, adam,

377
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,816
Guess who got with eve before you did...
Okay, marshall,

378
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,786
It's a big deal because
it rewrites our history.

379
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:16,120
No, it doesn't.

380
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:18,823
Look, have you been
to the empire state building?

381
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,625
No. You've only been
in the lobby.

382
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,961
People don't buy tickets
to get in the lobby.

383
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,330
They buy tickets
to get to the top.

384
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:26,364
Scooter only

385
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,298
Got in the lobby,

386
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,967
And the lobby doesn't count.

387
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,169
Really. Excuse me, sir,
uh, can you tell me

388
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,004
How to get to the empire
state building?

389
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,839
Um, we're in it right now.

390
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,140
Thank you, sir.

391
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:38,810
You're a very wise
and brilliant man.

392
00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:39,978
You're right.

393
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,813
Why would I throw that all away?

394
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:44,148
I'm having the best day!

395
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:46,918
Katie, I'll admit,

396
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,420
Maybe I'm not in any
place to lecture you

397
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,755
On romantic
relationships, but...

398
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,156
But I just don't want you

399
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,659
To make the same mistakes
that I've made.

400
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,829
: Oh, believe
me, kyle is not gay.

401
00:14:57,831 --> 00:14:59,664
That's not what I meant.

402
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:03,668
I just wish you weren't
in such a rush to grow up.

403
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:06,738
Please don't do this.

404
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:10,842
Ted: But, kids, later
that night katie did it,

405
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,343
And she got pregnant...

406
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,512
With quintuplets...

407
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:17,749
And she lived out her days
in a trailer park...

408
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,018
Where she died an alcoholic.

409
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,686
So the moral here, kids,

410
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,022
Don't have sex
until you're married.

411
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:26,257
Maybe even wait
a year or two into marriage.

412
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,426
Dad! Dad! Come on,
what really happened?

413
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,227
All right,

414
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,795
Here's what really happened.

415
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:31,930
Hey. Hey.

416
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:33,197
She didn't do it.

417
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,733
Hey, that's great!
You got through to her.

418
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,368
No, I didn't. You did.

419
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,930
She told me that
you talked to her.

420
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,273
Hey, katie.

421
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,374
Hey.

422
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,110
Got another empire state
building fun fact for me?

423
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,645
No. I wouldn't bore you

424
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,948
With the seven million man-hours
it took to build

425
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:53,618
This 102-story testament
to human will.

426
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:56,487
So, you okay?

427
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,890
I don't know what everyone
is freaking out about.

428
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,725
Kyle, he's a really nice guy.

429
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:01,626
He could've cheated on me

430
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,894
With my lab partner
gretchen gwynn,

431
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:04,162
But he didn't.

432
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:07,165
Because he said
he knew I'd find out.

433
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:10,902
That's very gallant.

434
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:12,003
Well, I don't know what

435
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,404
Your sister's freaking
out about, either.

436
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,239
I was your age my first time.
Oh, really?

437
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:18,242
Yeah, yeah. It was, uh,
it was with this girl, molly.

438
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,112
I love you, ted.

439
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:24,015
Oh, I love you, too, molly.

440
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,917
But I didn't.

441
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:27,986
That was amazing.

442
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,588
Look, I got to go.

443
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,256
Where are you going?

444
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:35,026
My cousin got some
firecrackers from mexico.

445
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,928
We're going out to
the woods to light 'em...

446
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:37,962
It's gonna be awesome.

447
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,263
Well, will you call me?

448
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:42,266
Yeah. Yeah,
I'll totally call you.

449
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,702
But I didn't.

450
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:47,972
Molly?

451
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,440
Yeah?

452
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:52,643
Can I borrow 20 bucks?
I'll totally pay you back.

453
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:53,945
But I didn't.

454
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:57,348
And I never saw her again.

455
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,685
I told her I loved her, but...
I just wanted to have sex.

456
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,221
I-I would've said anything
to make that happen, and...

457
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,056
That's exactly what I did.

458
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:07,959
Oh. Look, I'm not telling you

459
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:09,327
What to do.

460
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:12,797
I'm just telling you what
all 17-year-old boys are like.

461
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,199
Even the nice ones.

462
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:18,002
So I told kyle I
wanted to wait...

463
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,805
And he dumped me.

464
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,807
Oh, oh, sweetie,

465
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,409
I'm so sorry.

466
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:27,979
Aw, honey.

467
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:30,415
I promise everything
is gonna be okay.

468
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,489
And drink some yoo-hoo?

469
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:42,293
Only if you put a buttload
of kahlua in it.

470
00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:44,896
Don't tell mom.

471
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,733
Thanks for doing that.

472
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,567
You're welcome.

473
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,202
I knew it meant a lot to you.

474
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,437
But, man, your story,

475
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,999
I mean, it doesn't
even sound like you.

476
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:57,642
Yeah, well...

477
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,179
I love you, molly.

478
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,282
Oh, I love you, too, ted.

479
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:07,685
Wow. That was amazing.

480
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:10,121
Look, I got to go.

481
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,356
Wh-where are you going?

482
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:14,525
Uh, my cousin got some
firecrackers from mexico.

483
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,761
We're going into the woods
to light them.

484
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,695
It's gonna be awesome.

485
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,297
Will you call me?

486
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,466
Yeah. I'll totally call you.

487
00:18:23,535 --> 00:18:24,802
Oh, ted?

488
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:25,903
Yeah?

489
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,940
Can I borrow 20 bucks?
I'll totally pay you back.

490
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,642
But she didn't.

491
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,010
Oh, come here.

492
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,952
I love you.

493
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,843
I said it.

494
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,426
Feels right.

495
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,795
I love you. I'm gay.

496
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,831
Oh... I'm kidding.

497
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:54,999
I love you, too.

498
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,935
Mmm... Mmm...

499
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,403
Hey...

500
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,772
You lost your I-love-you-ginity.

501
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,241
Yeah.

502
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:06,577
I guess I was just
waiting for the right guy.

503
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:15,019
Katie ended up having
a great first time in new york.

504
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,588
And the last thing we did
before she left

505
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,357
Was go
to the empire state building.

506
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,692
Wow, I am so glad we're
finally doing this.

507
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,528
What are you talking about?
We were here yesterday.

508
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,763
Yeah, but that
didn't really count.

509
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,131
Oh, crap.

510
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,432
Exactly!

511
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:29,600
So yesterday doesn't count

512
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,603
As having gone
to the empire state building.

513
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,306
So I lost it to you, marshall.

514
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,675
And I rode that elevator
to the top,

515
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:42,446
And I saw that view,
and I basked in the awesomeness.

516
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:43,981
And that's our story.

517
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,317
Yeah. Yeah, that's our story.

518
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,986
We've only had sex
with each other.

519
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:51,189
We've only had sex
with each other.

520
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,124
They've only had sex
with each other.

521
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:58,329
Ooh, okay, in, in we go,
in we go.

522
00:19:58,331 --> 00:19:59,630
Ha-ha-ha!

523
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:02,500
Okay, empire state building
fun fact number 81:

524
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:03,801
There are 1,860 steps

525
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,169
From this... Whoa, whoa!

526
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,538
Come on!

527
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:14,745
So, now you guys can finally say

528
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:15,980
You've been to the
empire state building.

529
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,649
How have you lived here so long
and never been to the top?

530
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,851
Well, we're usually busy...

531
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,386
Drinking.

532
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,854
Lily: Speaking of first times,

533
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:27,425
We never got to hear your
virginity story. Oh, yeah.

534
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,160
That's right, I almost forgot.

535
00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:31,562
Okay. I was 16,

536
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,831
And it was
in a baseball dugout...

537
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:37,001
I mean, I was in a subway
with a high-priced call girl...

538
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:40,004
I was accidentally
hacking into norad's computer...

539
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,373
That's war games, and there's
not even a sex scene in it.

540
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,741
All right!

541
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,278
I was 23, and it was
with my mom's 45-year-old

542
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,746
Divorced friend, rhonda.

543
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,281
She called me "barry"
the whole time,

544
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:53,117
And for two weeks, my comforter
smelled like menthol cigarettes.

545
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:54,652
You happy?

546
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:02,426
Hey...

547
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,694
Why don't you

548
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,396
Tell us again about
your first time

549
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,958
At the camp in the catskills.

550
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,768
Baby and her family spent
every summer at kellerman's.

551
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,204
Her dad did not approve
of our love.

552
00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:15,473
Did anyone put baby in a corner?

553
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,108
Oh, god, no.

554
00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:19,744
What can I say, I...

555
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:22,947
Had... The time of my life.

556
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,049
True story. Mm.

557
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:27,385
♪ I had

558
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:29,720
♪ the time of my life.