1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,937 Ted: In may of 2007, aunt lily and uncle marshall got married 2 00:00:04,939 --> 00:00:08,040 At the historic van smoot house in upstate new york. 3 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:11,276 Wow, it's beautiful, lily. 4 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,845 Yeah. 5 00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:14,713 It's just how I always pictured it. 6 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:17,049 Ted: Well, that was a load of crap. 7 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,550 You see, kids, when you get married, 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,985 You learn a hard lesson. 9 00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,487 The wedding you set out to have 10 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:23,288 Is almost never the wedding you end up with. 11 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,456 So, we've decided 12 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,525 On a small, outdoor wedding, 13 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,994 Just family and close friends. 14 00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,863 No more than 25 people 15 00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,831 In a beautiful garden somewhere, 16 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,300 Maybe an acoustic guitar playing 17 00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,902 While we walk down the aisle. 18 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,038 And maybe you already know someone who went down 19 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,707 To the courthouse and registered as an officiant 20 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:45,344 So that he or she... he... Could perform the ceremony. 21 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,478 But you hate marriage. 22 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,147 Why do you want to perform the ceremony? 23 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:51,417 Because it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there 24 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:54,620 That when I ask a question, you say, "I do." 25 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,723 Yeah. 26 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,191 The closer you get to the big day, 27 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,893 The more concessions you make. Great. 28 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,896 Now my mom's making me invite the lessners. 29 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,533 This puts our numbers in the triple digits. 30 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:12,137 Wow. I guess sometimes, lessner is more... Ner. 31 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:15,174 You know how like sometimes less is more. 32 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,256 Yeah. This is one of those times, sweetie. 33 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,078 You know what? That's okay. 34 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,280 It'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding. 35 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:24,283 So it's not going to be an outdoor wedding anymore. 36 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:27,553 Marshall's dad is convinced if we have an outdoor wedding 37 00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,888 In new york, he's going to get mugged, 38 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,224 So it's going to be inside now. 39 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,258 It'll be great. 40 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,927 We're still going to have 41 00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,929 Our acoustic guitar player. 42 00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:39,865 So now, instead of an acoustic guitar, 43 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,200 We're having a harp player. 44 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,802 Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and... 45 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,604 That guy's daughter plays the harp. 46 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,939 Is she hot? 47 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,108 I'd love to be able to cross "harp player" off my list. 48 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,210 How long is this list? 49 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:54,713 Dude, I'm not gonna count how many pages the list is. 50 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,115 I'm not crass. 51 00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:58,951 Well, it doesn't matter anyway. She's pregnant. 52 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:01,234 Sweet! I can cross off two things. 53 00:02:01,258 --> 00:02:07,258 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 54 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,637 Ted: So the day arrived for lily and marshall's 55 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,773 Very big indoor wedding... With a harp. 56 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,808 Hi, lily. 57 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,810 Wow. Andrea. 58 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,311 You really are pregnant. 59 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,679 Yeah. Um... 60 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,748 How do you play the harp with your belly so...? 61 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,984 Oh, I don't really... I can only reach about half the strings. 62 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:34,786 You only play half the harp? 63 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:35,454 Yeah. 64 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,289 Oh, no. Uh, okay. 65 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,991 Lily, I will take care of this. 66 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,025 Um, I'll just pluck the other half. 67 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,527 Is it hard to learn? 68 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,629 I've been studying the harp for 12 years. 69 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,631 Yeah, but I'm a fast learner. 70 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,433 You ever hear of "guitar hero"? Learned that in a day. 71 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,635 Is there a "harp hero"? 72 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:50,669 Robin, it's fine. 73 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,005 So, so, when are you due? 74 00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,139 Tuesday. 75 00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,641 Wow, that's soon. 76 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,042 Last Tuesday. 77 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,646 Holy crap, we have to fire her. 78 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,781 She's gonna drop a shorty in the middle of your ceremony. 79 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:06,385 Robin, I'm not going to freak myself out. 80 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:09,721 I hate those women who say, "oh, my wedding has to be perfect." 81 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,456 Things go wrong. 82 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,293 Sometimes the deejay screws up your playlist. 83 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:17,829 Sometimes you slip on placenta during the recessional. 84 00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:20,332 Hey, can I grab a scotch and soda real quick? 85 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,669 Nope; I'm not allowed to serve anything until the reception. 86 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,538 Wow. You just cost yourself a big tip, buddy. 87 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,408 I'm not allowed to accept tips, buddy. 88 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,043 You allowed to accept criticism? 89 00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:34,713 You, sir, are an ass... Buddy. 90 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:39,084 Hey, you want to know what line doesn't work on a harp player? 91 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,253 "Hey, baby, want to pluck?" 92 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,921 Really? That didn't work. 93 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,556 Not even a little. 94 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,558 Huh. Hey! 95 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,726 Who's bill? 96 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,894 Bill? 97 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,363 Yeah. This guy came up to me at the bar. 98 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,165 Can I ask you something? 99 00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:55,767 Where in the ceremony is the place where they ask 100 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,703 If anyone objects? 101 00:03:57,705 --> 00:04:00,706 Uh... Don't think they do that anymore. 102 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:03,275 Oh, so when do you think someone should do it? 103 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:06,078 Just wait for a lull or what? 104 00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:08,914 Oh, no. 105 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,782 Did he look like a guy who tried 106 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,851 To be an umpire but failed? 107 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,387 He kind of did. 108 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,955 That's scooter. 109 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,458 Your high school boyfriend, scooter? 110 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,093 His real name is bill. 111 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,794 My mom must have invited him. 112 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,062 Why? Why would she do that? 113 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,797 Our families are really close. 114 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,232 But my ex-boyfriend? 115 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,634 Come on, mom. 116 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,802 I didn't invite that professional squash player 117 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,471 Dad busted you with. 118 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:33,805 Oh, I need a glass 119 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,907 Of wine. I'll get it. 120 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:36,608 Oh, thanks. 121 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,776 Hey, how's marshall doing? 122 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,778 He's great. 123 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,579 He's about to get his hair cut. 124 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,714 Oh. I'm worried my cousin's going to cut it too short. 125 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,484 Me, too. I was up all night. 126 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,386 Hello, lily. 127 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,388 Hey, bill. 128 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,888 Hey, barney. 129 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,790 Scooter, what are you doing here? 130 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,625 It's not "scooter" anymore. 131 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,294 It's bill. 132 00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,829 A lot of things have changed about me, lily, 133 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:58,897 But one hasn't. 134 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,932 I still love you. 135 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,168 And I came here to win you back. 136 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,270 You're really cute. 137 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,638 Oh, no. Really? 138 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:11,343 Lily, I-I know it's crazy, but I love you, and if you 139 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,911 Can look me in the eye 140 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,113 And tell me that you want to marry marshall, 141 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,083 I will leave right now and be out of your life forever. 142 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,851 I want... 143 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:20,986 I... 144 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,822 I want... 145 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,357 Scooter! 146 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,627 And I need you to get out of my face. 147 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,128 It's for the bride, so... 148 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:30,962 White or red? 149 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,364 White. 150 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,866 And, uh... 151 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,702 She'd also like a scotch and soda. 152 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,504 She'd also like a bowl of smoked almonds. 153 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,873 I don't have any, but I guess I could run out 154 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:42,974 To the corner and get some. 155 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,976 Well, it's only the biggest day 156 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,346 Of her life, so... 157 00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,850 Let the games begin. 158 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,987 Here. Can't stay. Got to try something. 159 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,223 Maybe my words won't change your mind, 160 00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,859 But maybe the words of a poet will. 161 00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:05,731 I read from "November rain." 162 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,199 By w. Axl rose. 163 00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,067 That is a good song. 164 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,702 Barney said you needed me to bounce 165 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,264 Some guy named scooter? 166 00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:16,475 What's up with bill? 167 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,309 That's scooter. 168 00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:18,977 I'm on it. 169 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:25,083 Hey. Hey. 170 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,418 Can I have your phone number? 171 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,919 No. 172 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,988 It's for the bride. 173 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,857 Oh. Hold on. 174 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,291 Let me go get a pen. 175 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,229 The bride wants you to walk slower. 176 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:40,599 Oh... 177 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,067 Oh, wow. 178 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,403 Oh. Robin... 179 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,438 My makeup looks perfect right now, 180 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,440 And I'm about to cry. Do something. 181 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,041 Oh. Um... 182 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,676 Uh. I have hairy nipples. 183 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:52,711 Really? 184 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:53,993 No, but it worked, didn't it? 185 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,515 Hey. Funny story. 186 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,450 I tackled this guy I thought was scooter. 187 00:06:58,452 --> 00:06:59,785 Turns out it was your photographer. 188 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:00,952 Don't worry. 189 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,220 I got this sweet camera phone, 190 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,955 So we're covered. 191 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,024 There's no photographer? 192 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:09,594 Okay, I just have to call... Robin, stop. Stop. 193 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:14,766 It's okay. I am not gonna let anything get to me today. 194 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,535 I just got a call from the florist. 195 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,104 The flowers won't be here till halfway through the ceremony. 196 00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:22,974 I'm okay. 197 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,476 I hate to bother you, but... 198 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,598 I think I found your veil in the parking lot. 199 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,014 I'm fine. 200 00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,083 Just fyi: My water broke. 201 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,645 But I can probably... 202 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,624 Make it through. 203 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,026 Totally cool. 204 00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:44,596 Oh, no. 205 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,999 Lily, I think I forgot your bridal panties. 206 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,168 I-I thought I had them. I'm so sorry. 207 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,404 Oh, it's okay, I'll just wear the ones I have on. 208 00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:53,104 Are you sure? 209 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,807 I'm marrying marshall today. 210 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,175 So it doesn't even matter 211 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,911 That I'm gonna walk down the aisle without a veil 212 00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:02,113 In a room that has no flowers 213 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,949 To the music of half a harp 214 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,817 Played by a woman who's crowning, 215 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:06,985 As my high school boyfriend 216 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,954 Reads guns n' roses lyrics. 217 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,689 But that's okay, 218 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,957 Because there's no photographer there 219 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,092 To take any pictures of it anyway. 220 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:16,995 Lily, are you okay? 221 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,163 What do you think?! 222 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,464 Of course I'm not okay! 223 00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:22,701 Everything that could possibly go wrong at my wedding has! 224 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,169 Well... It's ruined! 225 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,204 What happened to "I don't want a perfect wedding"? 226 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,138 Oh, grow up, robin! 227 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,874 Of course I want a perfect wedding! 228 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,142 Oh, god. 229 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,379 I wanted... I wanted not to care about the wedding, but... 230 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:35,847 I do. 231 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,984 I... I'm supposed to feel like a princess today. 232 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,185 And you will. 233 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,354 It's gonna be okay, sweetie. 234 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,223 I have something that'll make you feel better. 235 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,825 What could you have 236 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,867 That could possibly make me feel better? 237 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,367 God, I hope marshall's having a better day 238 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,202 Than I'm having. 239 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,004 Oh, my god. 240 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,506 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 241 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,008 Oh, my god. 242 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,010 Oh, my god! 243 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,111 What? 244 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,054 Well, it's not too short. 245 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,602 My hair! Look at my hair! 246 00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,737 She ruined my hair! 247 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,040 I look like one of the backstreet boys! 248 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:35,941 You totally do. 249 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,409 And not even the good backstreet boys, 250 00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:40,779 The older, lame dance move, comeback tour backstreet boys. 251 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,548 The good backstreet boys? 252 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,616 Marshall: Guys! Guys! 253 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:45,784 What am I gonna do?! 254 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,719 What-what the hell happened to you? 255 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,754 Lily's cousin is in beauty school, 256 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,690 And lily didn't want her to do her hair, 257 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,124 So she said she could do mine. 258 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,594 So, um, just not-not too short, okay? 259 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:58,063 Mm-hmm. Oh, no, we don't even have to cut it at all. 260 00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,931 Could just give it some style. 261 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,299 Oh, okay, yeah, that's great. 262 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,368 'Cause, um, when it gets too short, it starts to look weird. 263 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,904 And I don't want to look weird when I'm up there, you know. 264 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,906 Ooh, I could give you some cool guy tips. 265 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:11,543 I don't think I need advice on how to be cool, 266 00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:14,179 But yeah, great, lay them on me. 267 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,581 I can't get married like this! 268 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,649 There's no way! 269 00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,250 Ah, let me see what I can do. 270 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,652 What? What can you do? 271 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:23,154 I have a superpower. 272 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:26,091 Lily is gonna kill me! 273 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:29,127 She's not gonna want to marry me like this. 274 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,895 That's crazy. Of course she will. 275 00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:31,763 Would you marry me? 276 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,465 No. But not because of the hair. 277 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,000 It's because I have a rule: 278 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,402 Never marry anyone you've had a farting contest with. 279 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,937 Oh, great. 280 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,539 So now you're saying lily and I shouldn't even get married? 281 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,889 Could I have everyone's attention, please? 282 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,346 It's for the bride. 283 00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:53,918 One, the bride would... 284 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,454 Like all of this tension out of my shoulders. 285 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,790 And she would like, let's say, 286 00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,158 You in the inappropriately 287 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,126 Short dress 288 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:01,826 To rub them. 289 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,163 Two... 290 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,532 What was two? 291 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:11,369 Okay, we have a bit of a situation. 292 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,705 Let's not panic. 293 00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,775 Let's just find a solution. 294 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:33,892 Dude, you shaved your freakin' head. 295 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,027 Yeah, yeah, but it's good. 296 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,395 I ought to shave it all off. 297 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,830 What a great solution. 298 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,366 Just be bald 'cause it's cool, right? 299 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,735 Bruce willis, michael jordan, britney spears... 300 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,071 Oh, god, what did I do?! 301 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,872 How could you let me shave my head?! 302 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,507 You're the worst best man ever! 303 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,375 I hate you! 304 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,143 I'm not going out there! 305 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,478 I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. 306 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,080 I'm gonna go find that money under the rock 307 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,181 By the tree and go live 308 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,149 With the guys on the beach in zihautanejo. 309 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:01,219 Only red andy was falsely accused. 310 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,922 Ted, you're my best man! You got to do something! 311 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,890 Okay, all right, come here. 312 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:06,991 Just breathe, breathe, all right? 313 00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,994 Don't worry. Don't worry. 314 00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,362 I'll just... I'll take these. 315 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,832 No! 316 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,070 Uh, hi. Uncle ben, right? 317 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,072 Yes. 318 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,506 Yes, we're, we're having a little bit 319 00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:22,707 Of a problem back there. 320 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:25,009 Um, and I was wondering if you could help us out. 321 00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,077 Yeah. 322 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:31,249 Marshall accidentally shaved part of his head. 323 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,717 Oh, no! Yeah. 324 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:35,186 Yeah, so here's what I was thinking. 325 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:40,391 Um, what if I found something to cover up the bald area? 326 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:44,796 Yeah, that would probably work, but with what? 327 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,632 Hmm, that's a tough one. 328 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:51,936 Maybe a wig of some sort or a, um... 329 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,538 Toupee. 330 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:54,639 Something that 331 00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:55,707 Matches his hair color, 332 00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:57,442 Which is, which is kind of the same color 333 00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,812 As the top of your hair. 334 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,947 Mm, yeah. 335 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,717 Does anyone here wear a toupee? 336 00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:07,886 Shouldn't be hard to find out. 337 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,320 Most of them are pretty bad. 338 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,990 That is true. That is true. 339 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,659 We just need to find someone who wears a toupee 340 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:17,162 That is the same color as marshall's 341 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:20,231 And your hair. 342 00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:23,434 Boy, that's a pretty tall order. 343 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,304 Really? You can't think of any place 344 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,006 In the general area where there might 345 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,809 Be a toupee of the kind I'm describing to you? 346 00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,411 No, not off the top of my... 347 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:37,415 No. Can't. 348 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,850 All right, let me come at this from a different angle. 349 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,185 I got $50 in my pocket 350 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,186 Which is probably a lot more... 351 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,468 The bride needs this. 352 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:00,471 Actually, I think it kinda works. 353 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,007 It totally does. 354 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:08,346 Barney? 355 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,547 To be honest, 356 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,750 I'm, uh, I'm jealous I don't get to wear it. 357 00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:22,961 Okay, problem solved. Crisis averted. 358 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,729 Let's get me married. 359 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:25,964 It looks terrible, doesn't it? 360 00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:29,033 It kinda looks like fur, 361 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,134 Which gives you the appearance 362 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:31,536 Of a cleaned-up bigfoot. 363 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,570 Oh, you know... 364 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:33,471 In a bad way. 365 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,608 Hey, cool hair, bro. 366 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,376 What happened to your shirt? 367 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,310 I got sauce on it 368 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,378 When I tackled the caterer. 369 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,513 You gonna put another shirt on? 370 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,481 No, I'm good. 371 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,983 Hey, you guys seen scooter? 372 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,218 What? What? Scooter's here? 373 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,653 That guy's at my wedding? 374 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,221 Not for long, bro. 375 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,257 Not for long. 376 00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:56,995 Okay, you know what? 377 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,096 I need some air. 378 00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,531 I think we should go for a walk, okay? 379 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:01,900 Yep. 380 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,369 It would cover up the problem. 381 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:08,072 It's festive and it celebrates the heritage 382 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,240 Of this great nation. 383 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,542 Okay, unless you actually have one in your car, 384 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,746 Stop suggesting authentic native american headdress. 385 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,947 Oh, no. 386 00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:19,417 Oh, my god! 387 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,886 Lily, you're not supposed to see me. 388 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,187 Holy crap, I don't think 389 00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,622 Anyone's supposed to see you. 390 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,625 What happened? Did amy do this to you? 391 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,427 Just the frosted tips. I did the rest. 392 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,429 I'm sorry, baby. 393 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,096 I've ruined the whole wedding, haven't I? 394 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,766 Oh, no, you didn't ruin the wedding, sweetie. 395 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,134 It was already ruined. 396 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,269 There's no flowers, no photographer. 397 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,871 Oh, and scooter's here, by the way. 398 00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:41,105 Yeah, I know. I heard. 399 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,608 My veil got thrashed; the harp player is in labor, 400 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,210 And I'm not wearing my wedding underwear. 401 00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,446 What? No "property of marshall" across the back? 402 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,448 How are people going to know whose butt that is? 403 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,984 What happened? 404 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:57,255 Remember the wedding we wanted, the intimate outdoor ceremony? 405 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,817 I wish we could have that wedding. 406 00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:03,494 So do it. 407 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:04,162 What? 408 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,663 Get married now. 409 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,165 Right here. 410 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,267 Look, it's outside like you always wanted. 411 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,669 Intimate, close friends. 412 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,104 There's no guitar, 413 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,339 But it's pretty close. 414 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,107 Barney can officiate. 415 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,509 Yes. 416 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,978 Yes, I can. 417 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,980 Uh, excuse me, guys. 418 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,648 You all dropped something: 419 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,451 Your jaws... Because barney stinson 420 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:29,320 Is about to aid and abet a marriage. 421 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,922 Could we even do that? 422 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,924 I mean, what about all those people in there? 423 00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,325 Do that one, too. 424 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,094 And then when everything goes wrong, you won't care 425 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,656 Because you already had the real wedding out here. 426 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,432 What do you think, baby? 427 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,534 I love it. 428 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,836 Me, too. 429 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,371 Let's do it. 430 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,172 Let's get married before we get married. 431 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,007 Oh, great. 432 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,209 Wait, hold on. 433 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:57,148 Excuse me, sir. Could we borrow your hat? 434 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:58,716 Okay. 435 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,251 Thank you. 436 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:12,397 Hat. We thought of authentic native american headdress 437 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,198 Before we thought of hat. 438 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,102 Thank you all for coming. 439 00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:23,474 For those of you who don't know me... 440 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,977 I'm not the biggest believer in marriage. 441 00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:31,983 But... You two are so great together, you know? 442 00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:39,891 Uh, it's like you were, uh, made for each other. 443 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,192 He's gonna cry. 444 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,761 No, I'm not. 445 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,954 I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. 446 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,076 Lily and marshall... 447 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:01,446 When everyone sees you, they... 448 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,114 See true love. 449 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:09,287 It's the best love... 450 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:15,793 Can we just, um, move on to the rings or something? 451 00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:20,865 Oh, no. 452 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,134 I don't have my vows. 453 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,268 I don't have mine either. 454 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,403 You don't need your vows. 455 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,005 Just say why you love each other. 456 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:33,811 Okay, I'll go first. 457 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:39,484 Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. 458 00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:42,320 You make me laugh 459 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,822 And you take care of me when I'm sick. 460 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,125 You're sweet and caring 461 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:50,061 And you even created an egg dish and named it after me. 462 00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,063 She puts a little italian dressing in scrambled eggs 463 00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,764 Before she cooks them. 464 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,926 It's called "eggs marshall," and it's awesome. 465 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,804 But the main reason that I love you is 466 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,639 That you're my best friend, lily. 467 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,074 You're, uh... 468 00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,409 You're the best friend that I've ever had. 469 00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:06,177 I'm sorry, buddy. 470 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:06,777 No problem. 471 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,846 It's totally okay. 472 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,314 My turn. 473 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,184 Oh, thank you. 474 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,153 Marshall, 475 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,288 I love you because you're, 476 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,691 You're funny and you make me feel loved 477 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,327 And you make me feel safe 478 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:27,198 And for our anniversary, you gave me a sweatshirt 479 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,568 That says, "lily and marshall. Rockin' it since '96." 480 00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:34,138 I kinda wish I was wearing it right now 481 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,707 'cause it smells like you. 482 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:41,612 But the main reason I love you, marshall ericksen, 483 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,781 Is you make me happy. 484 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:46,791 You make me happy all the time. 485 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:53,491 Hey, I found your panties! 486 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,726 I'm good. 487 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,828 Okay. 488 00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,363 Marshall, do you take lily to be your wife 489 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,631 To have and to hold from this day forward? 490 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,967 From this day forward so as long as you both shall live? 491 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,669 I do. 492 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,170 Lily, do you promise to take marshall to be your husband 493 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,206 From this day forward as long as you both shall live? 494 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,340 I do. 495 00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,508 Okay, then, 496 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,076 By the power vested in me 497 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:15,079 By the very bitter old pakistani man who works down 498 00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,847 At the courthouse on lafayette street, 499 00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:20,651 I now pronounce you man and wife. 500 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,019 You may kiss the bride. 501 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,501 Oh... Oh... 502 00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:30,828 Do you smoke? 503 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:31,996 No. 504 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,498 Wow. First lie of the marriage. 505 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:35,633 That was fast. 506 00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:39,003 After that, we all went back inside 507 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,371 For the second wedding. 508 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,406 And yeah, a lot of things did go wrong, 509 00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,075 But it didn't matter 510 00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,010 Because when we all look back on that day, 511 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:47,745 What I remember is the first wedding; 512 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,382 The intimate outdoor ceremony with just close friends 513 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:52,416 And an acoustic guitar. 514 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:59,490 ♪ 515 00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:07,231 Oh... 516 00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:08,299 How do you feel? 517 00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:11,435 Tired. I got married twice today. 518 00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:15,606 Ooh. 519 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,209 So where do you want to do it for the first time 520 00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:19,543 As a married couple, 521 00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:20,911 Nice hotel room or a reception hall bathroom? 522 00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,813 What do you think? 523 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,415 Bathroom, of course. 524 00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:25,950 Mm. 525 00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,552 Ted: Please don't. 526 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,755 Sorry, ted. Sorry, ted. 527 00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:33,837 Captioned by media access group at wgb access.Wgbh.Org