1 00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:03,669 Ted: Kids, I know you think that you've heard every story 2 00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,337 From back before I met your mother, 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,106 But there are some stories you tell 4 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,941 And some stories you don't. 5 00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:10,609 Oh, my god!... 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,311 oh, my god... 7 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,446 Use your words, ted. 8 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,116 Okay. Barney, I'm about to go for the belt. 9 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:17,850 The belt? 10 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:18,717 The belt. 11 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,386 But that's impossible. 12 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,353 You were up here less than half an hour ago. 13 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,325 Yes! Advantage... erikson. 14 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:29,161 Don't get cocky. Wimbledon lasts a fortnight. 15 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,362 "Fortnight." 16 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,197 British words are so cool. 17 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,732 Plus, did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? 18 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,567 I wear a wig to work, I'm a jackass. 19 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,336 Ted: All right. 20 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,504 I'm ready. Let's hit it. 21 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,072 We can't go. Tournament. 22 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,707 What? We agreed. I suited up... 23 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,242 You take too long to get ready. 24 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:44,977 What are you talking about? 25 00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:46,578 I got the low maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look. 26 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,213 Yeah, which takes an hour and a half 27 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,349 Of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve. 28 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:51,817 And then he starts on his hair. 29 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,819 Ace! 30 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,587 Look, are we going or not? 31 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:56,588 Just go without us. We'll be there in five minutes. 32 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:57,356 Really? 33 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,657 Yes! Yes! 34 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,159 All right, I'm going down to the bar. 35 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,527 I'm ordering three beers. 36 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:02,528 I'll see you guys in five minutes. 37 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,329 Three beers, five minutes. 38 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:05,931 Wii announcer: Love-30! 39 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,566 Thanks for lending me these boots. 40 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,501 Where'd you get them from? 41 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,503 This store in the village had one of those crazy sales. 42 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,205 It was a footwear feeding frenzy. 43 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,909 I saw 'em first! 44 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,679 You just made the list, bitch! 45 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,214 So many questions. 46 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,216 Firstly, what do you think would happen 47 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,518 If a guy walked into that store wearing a suit of boots? 48 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,954 You look fantastic in them, robin. 49 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,790 But don't you think they're a little high for that dress? 50 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,692 Well, that's the point: It's to hide that fact 51 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:34,726 That I haven't shaved my legs. 52 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,428 I've begun a strict no-shave policy 53 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,729 For the first three dates. 54 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,064 It's all about self-control. 55 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,633 If I don't shave, I must behave. 56 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,368 Fyi: It doesn't matter, baby. 57 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,937 Guys just want to get on the green. 58 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:47,139 They don't mind going through the rough. 59 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,874 Shh-clackey! 60 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,542 Stinson. 61 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,277 All right, the beers are here. 62 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,812 Barney: Yeah, we're not going to make it. 63 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,080 Oh, come on! We agreed... 64 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:56,915 Did marshall take his pants off? 65 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,117 Yeah, pants are off. 66 00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,818 This is wimbledon, ted. 67 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,254 I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide. 68 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,455 Cheerio! 69 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,457 Fine. 70 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,892 I don't need friends. 71 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,160 I got you guys. 72 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,062 You guys are my friends, 73 00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:12,097 My cold refreshing friends. 74 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:14,466 I'm talking to beer. 75 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,169 Ted? Trudy. 76 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,471 Trudy. 77 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,274 Oh, my god. I haven't seen you since... 78 00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:27,312 I slept with you, then climbed down the fire escape. 79 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,981 That was you? 80 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:32,251 I'm kidding. I was super-wasted. 81 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,853 These are not all for me. 82 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,856 No, I was going to call you, but I was so embarrassed. 83 00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,158 You were embarrassed? 84 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,926 I was like, "I really like this guy, 85 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:41,927 "and now I'm climbing out his window, 86 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,929 And I forgot my underwear..." 87 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,130 Those were yours? 88 00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:46,665 God, I thought they felt kind of tight. 89 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,300 I'm kidding. I don't wear underwear. 90 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,601 Ladies' underwear. 91 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,702 Often. 92 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,838 Ah! Again, I'm kidding. 93 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,274 I'm so glad I ran into you. 94 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,942 I know. Do you want to...? Trudy?! 95 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,710 No way! 96 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,345 Oh, my god! Rachel, how are you? 97 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,783 Ted, this is rachel. 98 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:05,884 Hi! 99 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,287 Kappa epsilon gamma! Kappa epsilon gamma! 100 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,788 Whoo! Whoo! 101 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,323 Wait, let me guess. You guys met in prison. 102 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:16,028 No! We were sorority sisters. 103 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,297 And best friends forever all sophomore year. 104 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,065 When we weren't at each other's throats. 105 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,466 We could be so competitive. 106 00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:23,202 Uh, but that's all behind us now. 107 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,370 Hey, mista! Hey, mista! 108 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,005 Stay away from my sista! Stay away from my sista! 109 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,907 Whoo! Whoo! 110 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,642 We have so much catching up to do. 111 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,377 Okay. Are you going to stacey's wedding? 112 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,812 Oh, it's off. Apparently, he's into dudes. 113 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,981 Nah! Again?! That's like her third one. 114 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,382 Trudy: I know! 115 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,917 Well, beers, what do you want to do? 116 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,385 We could stay here... 117 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,721 Or I know this other place called "my belly." 118 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,090 So, trudy and I got a table. 119 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,892 Oh, that's cool. I was going to get out of here anyway. 120 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:47,826 I'm really tired. 121 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,895 I want you to stay. 122 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,731 Tired of people who fold early, 'cause I am wide awake! 123 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,436 Okay, guys... Be cool. 124 00:03:57,460 --> 00:04:05,460 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 125 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,954 Ka-zowie! Aah! 126 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,422 You've been vanquished, old bean. 127 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,191 That's 'cause you distracted me. 128 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:21,960 You've been hanging crumpet ever since the third set. 129 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,765 Ah... Stinson. 130 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,700 I've got a situation. 131 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,803 Trudy is here... you know, from the pineapple incident? 132 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,872 Oh, you mean the girl that chalked your pool cue 133 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,474 And snuck down the fire escape? 134 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:36,908 Respect. 135 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,543 So, we're hitting it off and then her friend shows up 136 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,612 And they're kind of competitive. 137 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,381 I think the new girl's kind of into me. 138 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,750 So you now have two on the line? 139 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,118 And I don't know which one to go for. 140 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,419 Go for the new girl! 141 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,554 Given the choice, always party with dr. Strangelove. 142 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,156 New girl? What new girl? 143 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,591 Two girls are allegedly vying 144 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,259 For ted's affections, and I think... 145 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,560 Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. 146 00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:56,895 Give it to me. 147 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:57,897 Are they friends? 148 00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,131 Yeah. Uh, no... I-I don't know. 149 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,132 They're old sorority sisters. 150 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,066 Are they betas? 151 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,434 Because they're all sluts, 152 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,902 And you can tell them right now 153 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,404 I didn't want to be in their sorority anyway. 154 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,139 They're kappas, and... 155 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,774 I think I can score with one of them. 156 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,275 I don't know which one, 157 00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,610 And if I chose wrong, I lose them both. 158 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,412 Okay, well, don't worry. 159 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,574 I'll-I'll come down and help you figure it out. 160 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,116 I thought we were in for the evening? 161 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,185 That's what I thought about your bangers and mash down there, 162 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,147 But I guess we're both wrong, guv'na. 163 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,158 Hey. Oh, ted. Okay... 164 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,793 Settle an argument. Mm-hmm. 165 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,961 Is it stealing if you go out with someone's boyfriend 166 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,630 After they've broken up? 167 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,131 Well, that's very complicated... 168 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,833 See?! He agrees with me. 169 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,668 You're such a little man-thief. 170 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,637 You're the man-thief, man-thief. 171 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,872 Oh, somebody should lock you girls up. 172 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,209 You're so funny. 173 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,378 I think ted is funny. 174 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:50,649 Really? I think ted is hilarious. 175 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,151 I am never not wearing a suit again. 176 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,386 Hello? 177 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,954 It's me. I'm at the bar. 178 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,522 Don't look. Just call me "mom." 179 00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,625 Uh, hey, mom. How's dad's... Colon? 180 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,994 What? What's the matter with you? 181 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:06,565 Anyway, both of these girls are into you; take your pick. 182 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,834 They are? Are you sure? Yes, of course. 183 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,869 They're playing with their hair and touching your arm. 184 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,471 Classic green light. 185 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,139 Are you positive? 186 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,908 Oh, that is so fascinating. 187 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,310 So what happened? 188 00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:19,878 Well, after 18 hours of surgery, 189 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,646 I closed, and, thankfully, 190 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,515 Both girls just celebrated their second birthday. 191 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,585 Wow. Gosh, separating conjoined twins, 192 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:30,088 That must be the most amazing feeling. 193 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,057 True, but now the parents don't know what to do 194 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,725 With their huge supply of four-legged overalls. 195 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,361 That is so funny. 196 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:39,197 You're so funny. 197 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,600 Lily: Positive. They both want you bad. 198 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,469 It's a clearance sale and you're the boots, baby. 199 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,672 Oh, it's robin. Good luck. 200 00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:48,573 Bye, mom. 201 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,076 That's my mom. 202 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:51,943 Hello? 203 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,044 Bring me a razor. 204 00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,513 What about the no-shave rule? 205 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,515 What happened to your convictions? 206 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,718 They've been surgically removed by dr. Awesome. 207 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,186 No, I'm not doing it. 208 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,921 The whole point to not shaving was to... 209 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,723 Lily, please! He's really cute, 210 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,625 And I really like him, and he's got a british accent. 211 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,193 I'm on my way. 212 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:11,062 So this college boyfriend, who won him? 213 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,864 Neither of us. 214 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,066 He left. Junior year abroad. 215 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,102 It's really too bad, 'cause... 216 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:21,440 There was that one thing we wanted to do. 217 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,908 We were going to do... 218 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,943 But we never did. 219 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,280 Why? Wait, what were you guys going to do but never did? 220 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,781 No, it's too embarrassing. 221 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,082 You tell him. No, you tell him. 222 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,617 No, I don't care if you don't care. 223 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,320 Nobody cares! Just say it. 224 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:38,089 Why don't we tell him together. 225 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,558 Okay. 226 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,759 On three. 227 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,994 One... 228 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,830 Well, he's right: It's a dead heat. 229 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,565 Two... 230 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,266 Neither one is giving ground. 231 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,935 I could not tell who was the third wheel. 232 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,269 Three. 233 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,938 It's a tricycle. 234 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,006 No way, no way, no way! 235 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,141 What's happening? 236 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,742 It's a tricycle. 237 00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,478 No way, no way, no way. 238 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,745 It's a tricycle. 239 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,314 Well, I'll just say it right now. 240 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,416 All sorority girls are sluts. 241 00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,151 Put him on speaker. 242 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,853 So what you're saying to us right now 243 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,855 Is that you have a shot at the belt? 244 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,256 Wait-wait-wait. What belt? 245 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,024 Well, barney and I have 246 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,626 This running joke that the first guy to actually pull this off 247 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,127 Would "win" the championship belt. 248 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:19,130 Oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right? 249 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,967 Behold... 250 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:24,002 You actually bought a belt. 251 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,804 That's right. It's resplendent. 252 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,839 Come on, it was just a thing we said. 253 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,341 We were kidding around. 254 00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:30,809 I never kid. 255 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,677 Remember you said if I ever slept with that girl 256 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,879 From days of our lives, I'd be the king? 257 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,947 Well... 258 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,019 Why wasn't I told about the belt? 259 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,354 I could go for the belt. 260 00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:49,528 If lily were to die before me, then I could ride the tricycle. 261 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:52,831 If I died, I would just come back and haunt your penis. 262 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,900 Guys, come on! Help me out. What do I do? 263 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,669 All right, ted, if you're going to go for the belt, 264 00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,005 Then the bylaws require me to ask the following questions: 265 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:03,141 One: Is the aggregate age of all participants under 83? 266 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,509 Yes. 267 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,378 Two: Is the aggregate weight of all participants 268 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,913 Under 400 pounds? 269 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,147 Yes. 270 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,249 Theodore mosby... 271 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,817 Are you paying these women? 272 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,019 What? No. 273 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,488 Ted... 274 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,423 No. Look, I got to go. They're going to think 275 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,792 I inherited my dad's imaginary bathroom issues. 276 00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:24,329 Oh, are you guys leaving? 277 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:27,866 Well, it is getting pretty late. 278 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,868 Right. Well, well, it's been... 279 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,770 Maybe we could all go listen to that wilco cd 280 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,205 You talked about before. 281 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,907 Great! I have it right upstairs. 282 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,543 It's in my apartment upstairs. Let's go upstairs. 283 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:41,246 I'm sorry. Where was your apartment again? 284 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,448 Ha, that's funny. I love that. 285 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,517 You should tell more jokes in my apartment upstairs. 286 00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:53,024 Scenario ♪12: We're in a horrific car crash. 287 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,926 You die. I'm left paralyzed. 288 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,529 Two sexy nurses, with a six-pack of wine coolers, 289 00:09:57,531 --> 00:09:59,064 Sneak into my room late at night. 290 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,266 I try to blink at them in morse code. 291 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,136 "Please, don't. I love my dead wife." 292 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,205 But they're medical professionals, 293 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:10,108 And I got to think, somehow, they're saving my life. 294 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,776 Fine. Sleep with your nurses. 295 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,812 Tonight you ride the unicycle. 296 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,014 I already did this morning. 297 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,618 Hello. 298 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:22,821 Lily, I have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. 299 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,489 Pretty soon, I won't have to shave... 300 00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,591 The hair is going to vibrate off my legs. 301 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,259 I'm sorry, I can't leave now. 302 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,761 Lily, he can't see my legs like this. 303 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,730 I look like a turkish lesbian. 304 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,900 There's, um, a pharmacy across the street. 305 00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,302 Would 20 bucks buy me a razor? 306 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,237 No, but 50 will. 307 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,841 Hold on. Ted's texting me. 308 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:46,578 "We're combing up-sars." 309 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,446 "combing up-sars." what does that mean? 310 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,928 It means they're coming upstairs. 311 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,655 Where's my pants? Where's my pants? 312 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,956 Where's my pants?! 313 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,257 Got 'em. 314 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:04,829 Ooh! Nice place. 315 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,798 Hey, are these your roommates? 316 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,601 Yes. Uh, yes, but they are not here. 317 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,336 They are somewhere else. 318 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,304 We have total privacy 319 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:17,208 Because privacy is essential when you're listening to music. 320 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,745 You know what else is essential when you're listening to music? 321 00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:22,981 Music. 322 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,482 That's hilarious. 323 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:25,784 You are hilarious! 324 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,352 I'll go get it in my bedroom. 325 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,687 The cd's in my bedroom. 326 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,055 Bedroom... 327 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,524 Okay. We'll try and stay out of trouble. 328 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,292 Of course, we can't promise anything. 329 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,130 This is going to be awesome. 330 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,703 No! 331 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:49,240 : What are you guys doing here? I've got, I've got, I've got... 332 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,842 We know, ted, well done. 333 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,243 This is very impressive. 334 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,212 Up top. Yeah, bro, up top. 335 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,580 Oh, don't be gross. 336 00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,248 Ted: You guys need to get out of here. 337 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,483 Please, take the fire escape. 338 00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,684 No, no way. 339 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,352 The other day I saw a pigeon take a crap on it 340 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:04,422 And the whole thing shifted. 341 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,990 Oh, you can use our bedroom. 342 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,592 Okay, all I need to seal the deal 343 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,661 Is the wilco cd, barney. 344 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,200 What are you doing?! 345 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,335 I cannot allow ted to do this. 346 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,603 Wh-what? Why? 347 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,271 Because the belt is my birthright! 348 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,040 You cannot claim it before I do. 349 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,609 That would be like jimmy olsen capturing lex luthor 350 00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,945 While superman watches impotently from the bedroom. 351 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:30,115 But, barney, you've done way dirtier stuff than ted. 352 00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,183 You're disgusting. 353 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,652 I've never ridden the tricycle. 354 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,755 I was on the verge last year. 355 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,056 I was so close. 356 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,727 So ladies, why don't we move this party 357 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:45,964 To a more horizontal location? 358 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,732 Oh, my god, my new carpet! 359 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,634 Oh, my god, this is a disaster. 360 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:50,935 You get the carpet cleaner. I'll get a towel. 361 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,237 Okay. I'll get the video camera. 362 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,472 Get out! Okay then. 363 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,040 So let me get this straight. 364 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,442 You're going to trike-block me? 365 00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,745 That is so petty. It's like you're... 366 00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,380 Tom petty. Tom petty. 367 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,481 You're tom petty. 368 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:06,017 Where's lily? 369 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:09,954 Still looking for that cd, 370 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,689 So... 371 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:15,827 What are you doing? 372 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,162 I knew it. I had a hunch about that girl 373 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,429 And I was right. 374 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,899 I saw 'em first! 375 00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:24,469 You just made the list, bitch. 376 00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:28,740 I cannot give up my bedroom to a boot thief. 377 00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:31,109 She should be punished, not rewarded. 378 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,111 Fine, then I'll try to work in a little light spanking. Just do this for me! 379 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,679 No, never. 380 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,347 What if I reimburse you for the boots, full retail? 381 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,082 Please enjoy our bedroom. Great. 382 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,651 Just take it. 383 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,820 Okay, wish me luck. 384 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:50,261 Oh, my god. It looks fine. 385 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,030 You're such a girl. 386 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,798 Where's the shaving cream? 387 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,433 Well, you didn't ask me for shaving cream. 388 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,035 Well, it was implied. 389 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,536 Who buys a razor without buying shaving cream? 390 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,638 Well, who doesn't shave their legs for a date? 391 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,540 Well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude? 392 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,676 Well, here's a little tip for you: 393 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,045 Shave your legs before you leave the house, sasquatch. 394 00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,984 Hey, robin, um, the valet's brought the car around. 395 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,652 I thought we'd go to my place, 396 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,454 If you're in the mood for a nightcap. 397 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,457 Absolutely. I just have to go to the ladies' room. 398 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,526 I've got tb. 399 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,794 Tiny bladder. 400 00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,063 I'll meet you out front. 401 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,398 Yeah. 402 00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:42,313 You've got to be kidding me. 403 00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:46,751 Excuse me. Sorry. 404 00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:08,706 So, I'm having a little trouble finding the cd. 405 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,175 That's okay. 406 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:14,078 We don't need music to have fun. 407 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,680 Exactly. 408 00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:20,118 You do like to have fun, don't you, ted? 409 00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:32,597 It's getting late. I'll get your coats. 410 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,269 "I'll get your coats"?! 411 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,071 I don't know why I said that. Why'd I say that? 412 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,739 It's the opposite of what I meant. 413 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,041 I wanna take clothes off them, not put more on. 414 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:46,311 Ted, you're ruining this for everyone. 415 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,645 Leave him alone! 416 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,314 Sometimes even 417 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,983 The greatest warriors shoot themselves in the foot. 418 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,918 What are you talking about? 419 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,422 If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction 420 00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,924 That stopped me from riding the tricycle that night. 421 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,893 So, barney, why don't we 422 00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:05,196 Take this party to a more horizontal location? 423 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,644 Oh, no, the night's ruined! 424 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,279 No, baby, it's not. 425 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,281 Yes, it is! Whatever this night was heading towards is ruined. 426 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:24,649 Where's my coat? 427 00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:27,785 Why would you do that to yourself? 428 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,587 Because you get up in your head, man. 429 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,022 You start thinking, 430 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:33,124 "I can't do this. It's two women." 431 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,360 That's two of everything, four of some things. 432 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:39,163 The logistics alone are enough to cripple even a pro like me. 433 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,999 See, if a complete degenerate like barney choked, 434 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,500 What chance do I have? 435 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,737 The best chance in the world. 436 00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:50,441 Fear took the belt from me. 437 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:54,145 Fear rode the tricycle that night, my friends. 438 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,881 But fear will not get a second turn. 439 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,884 It won't? No. 440 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:03,388 Because I now realize it isn't my destiny to win the belt. 441 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:06,691 It is my destiny to help my friend win it. 442 00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:11,863 Ted is fated to go there first. 443 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,931 He is our neil armstrong. 444 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,401 Spacesuit up, ted, 445 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,802 'cause you're going to the moon. 446 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:18,970 Step one. 447 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,974 Ladies. 448 00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:24,409 I couldn't find your coats, 449 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,878 But I did find... Tequila. 450 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,083 Wait, wait, wait, a remote control fireplace? 451 00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,685 We don't have a remote control fireplace. 452 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,086 Right, that's my apartment. 453 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,521 The dressing gown's mine, too. 454 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,056 Damn, this should be me. 455 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,490 Anyway, continuing... 456 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,062 Whew! 457 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:48,232 I am so exhausted. 458 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,436 So exhausted. 459 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,538 Wait, why would I want to tire them out? 460 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,907 That's your excuse to unleash pretext 461 00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:57,809 For physical contact ♪1. 462 00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:04,115 Oh, you give the most amazing foot massage. 463 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,584 That's 'cause I used to practice 464 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,920 All the time on my grandmother. 465 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,255 Why in god's name would I say that? 466 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,057 It's endearing. You're a caregiver. 467 00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:15,026 Never take family values out of the equation. 468 00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:16,594 Step three. 469 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,365 Ted, what's wrong? 470 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:25,470 I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once 471 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,952 About something called a super volcano. 472 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,707 Okay, what the hell? 473 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:30,975 Wait for it. 474 00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,044 It can happen at any time. 475 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,547 And obliterate all life on earth, 476 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:39,217 Which is why I live by three simple words. 477 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:44,122 Don't postpone joy. 478 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,058 Oh, my god. 479 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,960 That's so true. 480 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,129 Yeah. 481 00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:55,099 The mortality angle. 482 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,901 That's actually pretty good. 483 00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:00,671 I can do this. Yes, you can. 484 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,840 Yeah. I can't believe I'm going to say this, 485 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,275 But I'm actually moved. 486 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,743 Bring it in, guys. 487 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,648 All right. 488 00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,587 I'll see you on the other side. 489 00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,855 So what happened next? Did you do it? 490 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,957 It doesn't seem right to talk about it. 491 00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,793 What? No! Tell me. 492 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,130 Don't tell me because you don't have to 493 00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:00,631 Because you didn't do it. 494 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,568 You didn't do it. You did it. 495 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,902 You did it, didn't you? 496 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,470 Did you? 497 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,505 You didn't do it. 498 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,407 Yes, you did. You did. 499 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,341 No, you didn't. 500 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,410 Tell me! 501 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:15,246 Some stories you tell, some stories you don't. 502 00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,415 That's because you didn't do it. 503 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,517 He didn't do it. 504 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,152 You did it. You did it, didn't you? 505 00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:22,620 You did it. Tell me, did you? 506 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,522 Ted, belt. Did you? 507 00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,690 Did you or didn't you? 508 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,325 Did? 509 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,826 Tell me, please. For the love... 510 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,348 Do you know if he did or didn't? 511 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,864 Oh, hey, um, hmm? 512 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,766 Would you go in there and see if my date's okay? 513 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:36,834 No problem. 514 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,135 Thank you. 515 00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:49,847 No, nobody's in there, but the window's actually open. 516 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,849 I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. 517 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,884 I mean, she was acting weird all night, right? 518 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:56,554 Yeah, you know... 519 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:59,023 Why don't I buy you a drink? 520 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,691 Okay. 521 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,927 Did I overhear that you're a surgeon? 522 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,629 Guilty as charged. 523 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,165 Oh, you're so funny. 524 00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:10,134 I'm here! 525 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:11,302 I'm fine! 526 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:13,204 My head is bleeding. 527 00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:14,839 Going down again.