1 00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:04,169 Ted: It was a quiet November afternoon in 2007. 2 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,671 I was working from home, 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,973 Because, you know, no distractions. 4 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,675 This is incredible! Oh, my god! 5 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,043 I can't believe it! 6 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,344 I have big news. Oh, my god! 7 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,013 Okay, my thing's pretty huge. 8 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,814 But fine, you can go first. Okay, I just 9 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:18,150 Found out... I found a porno starring ted mosby! 10 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,318 What are you... 11 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,386 What are talking about? 12 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,987 I'm talking about... 13 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,889 Welcome to the sex plane, 14 00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:26,325 And look who plays the navigator, 15 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,327 Ted mosby. 16 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,862 Whoa. 17 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,630 It's the same exact spelling as my name. 18 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:32,664 Okay, you know, 19 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,066 Cute coincidence, barney. 20 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,200 Whatever. 21 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,036 I just got off the phone with the nr... 22 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,971 Oh, my god, this totally explains the thing 23 00:00:38,973 --> 00:00:40,339 At my doctor's the other day. 24 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,707 Open wide. 25 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,642 I guess you're more used to saying that 26 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,511 Than hearing it, huh, ted mosby? 27 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,548 Who is this guy? 28 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,650 And why is my doctor watching porn? 29 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,553 All right, let's meet your new doppelganger. 30 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,188 Or should I say doppel-banger? 31 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,190 Hey-oh. 32 00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,024 Guys, guys, guys! 33 00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:00,826 Can I tell my news? 34 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,594 It's pretty... This is really bizarre. 35 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,363 The only other famous mosby I know 36 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,531 Was a confederate general during the civil war. 37 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,366 Probably not the same guy. 38 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,368 I got the job at the nrdc! 39 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,236 You got the job! Oh! Yeah. 40 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:14,239 The nrdc, or national resources defense council, 41 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,241 Fought to preserve america's clean water, 42 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,677 Fresh air and pristine wilderness. 43 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,546 It was marshall's dream job. 44 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,414 Congrats, buddy! Thanks. 45 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,049 It's kind of weird hugging with porn on. 46 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,117 Yeah, it really is. 47 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,119 Oh! 48 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,453 Hey, hey-o! 49 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:28,921 New guy entering the cockpit. 50 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:31,523 Could it be the navigator, ted mosby? 51 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:32,758 Uh... No. 52 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,393 No, navigators have three stripes on their hats. 53 00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:35,561 Captains have four. 54 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:36,929 That guy's a captain. 55 00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:39,231 Yeah, and I'm sure complete accuracy 56 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:42,534 In all those details was very important to the directors... 57 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,471 "dirt and skank, the raunch brothers." 58 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:51,410 Baby, I have some exciting news! 59 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:54,046 I hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here. 60 00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:56,715 I got the job at the nrdc. 61 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,984 And I found a porno starring ted mosby! 62 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,886 Oh my god, that's amazing! 63 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,488 I know, right? 64 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,789 Oh, congratulations, marshall! 65 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,457 Congratulations to us all! 66 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,392 Oh, let's go celebrate! 67 00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,628 The fact that I found a porno starring a guy named ted mosby... 68 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,063 Let's do it! 69 00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:12,831 Oh, is that him? 70 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,166 'Cause that ted mosby 71 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,334 Really knows what he's doing. 72 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,735 No, that's not him. 73 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,237 What do you mean, 74 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,938 "that" ted mosby really knows what he's doing. 75 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,406 Oh, no. 76 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,642 No, I meant... "that ted mosby, 77 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,444 "he really knows what he's doing. 78 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,579 Like all ted mosbys." 79 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:28,914 Wow, nrdc. 80 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,149 Way to go, marshall. 81 00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,683 But you're still gonna go 82 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,852 To your job interview today, right, baby? 83 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,454 Marshall's interview was with 84 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,688 A firm called nicholson, hewitt and west. 85 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,457 They represented 86 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,992 Pretty much everybody marshall was going to sue 87 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,694 Once he started at the nrdc. 88 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:43,996 I'm not doing that interview. 89 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,797 Those people are evil. 90 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,600 Marshall, your dad went to a lot of trouble to set this up. 91 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,636 You can't just pull out at the last second. 92 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:51,878 Apparently you can. 93 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,174 Ted, ted, ted, guy in the hat! 94 00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:56,842 Three stripes! 95 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,844 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ted mosby, porn star. 96 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,646 Oh. Wow. Oh! 97 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,114 Oh. Wow. Whoa. 98 00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:03,715 I know what kind of plane this is. 99 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,983 It's a "boing." 100 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,652 see. 101 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,620 This is way better than marshall's internship. 102 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,722 It's a real job. 103 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,357 Who is this guy? 104 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,659 Are we related? 105 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:14,893 Do, do I look like him? 106 00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,461 Um... 107 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,663 It's hard to tell. 108 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,032 Go, go like this. 109 00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:23,669 Oh, yeah, a little bit. Yeah. 110 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:27,071 More around the eyes. Oh, I do see that. 111 00:03:27,095 --> 00:03:35,095 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 112 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,852 And here's your water, 113 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,888 In case you're dehydrated, ted mosby. 114 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,690 Very funny, wendy. 115 00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,391 Now we know you watch porn. 116 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,528 This ted mosby must be getting kind of famous. 117 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,862 Mm. You're not wrong. 118 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,231 According to the web site, 119 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:54,713 Of the far superior ted mosby... 120 00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,268 He's been in the business 121 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,904 Three months, and he's made 125 movies. 122 00:03:58,906 --> 00:03:59,938 Wow. 123 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,274 That's 42 movies a month. 124 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,076 Who is he, jude law? 125 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:05,377 Right? 126 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:08,046 He makes a lot of movies. 127 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,114 I mean, 128 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,849 Not so much lately, 129 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,018 But maybe, like, two years ago, 130 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,387 You couldn't go to a movie without... Shh... 131 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,723 Oh, hey, look, check it out. 132 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,759 Ted mosby did an interview in adult video weekly. 133 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,928 Adult video weekly? 134 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,896 Oh, no. 135 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,200 Hello? 136 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,968 Hi, I'm looking for ted mosby. 137 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,770 It's leonard ross from avw. 138 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,772 Oh, my god! 139 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,072 Avw? 140 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,074 It's architecture vision weekly. 141 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,542 Um... 142 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,044 Wow, I've been reading your magazine 143 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,212 Since I was a little kid. 144 00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:41,947 Oh, that's a bummer. 145 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,416 Anyway, I'm calling to interview you about your latest project. 146 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,652 Well, I don't want to say it's my project. 147 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,720 I mean, I'll be working with at least three partners. 148 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,756 Oh! Group scene. Always fun. 149 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,924 Yeah, yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. 150 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,093 I mean, I know they're gonna ride me pretty hard 151 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,229 But they're great guys. 152 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,263 Guys? 153 00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:01,233 Whoa, there's a scoop. 154 00:05:01,235 --> 00:05:04,569 That interview went on for 20 more minutes. 155 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,571 "This project was so demanding, 156 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,140 "I can't tell you how many nights 157 00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:10,242 I spent bent over a table." 158 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,912 Oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go? 159 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,981 Um, interesting. 160 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,784 There I am in the office of jefferson coatsworth, 161 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,086 And I figure I'm not gonna take this job anyway, 162 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,422 I might as well give this old bastard a piece of my mind. 163 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,123 Jefferson coatsworth 164 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,125 Wasn't what I expected. 165 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,327 Marshall, 166 00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:30,228 Jeff coatsworth. 167 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:32,798 Hello. 168 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,667 Dude, I am so, so psyched that you're here. 169 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,336 Can I beer ya? 170 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,870 Marshall was thrown. 171 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,305 This guy seemed nice. 172 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,640 Of course, he wasn't. 173 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,509 You all go to hell! 174 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,111 I'd do it again! 175 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:49,314 I'm innocent. I'm innocent. 176 00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,716 Marshall... 177 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,117 Why do you want to work 178 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,152 At nicholson, hewitt & west? 179 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,654 Right, um, okay, jeff, 180 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,189 I've actually given this a lot of thought... 181 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,724 I'm sorry. Stop. 182 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,686 I can't do this with a straight face. 183 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,861 You don't want to work here. 184 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,463 You're only here 'cause your dad 185 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:05,397 Went to high school with joe hewitt. 186 00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,798 Fact is, 187 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,835 You just got a sweet job at the nrdc. 188 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,536 And it's awesome. 189 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,004 Man, I could 190 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,406 Have gone the non-profit route. 191 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,707 I didn't. 192 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,210 And it eats me up inside every day. 193 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:21,213 I hate myself. 194 00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,549 I hate myself. 195 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,551 Oh, he's good. 196 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,520 Classic seduction technique. 197 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:29,488 What do you mean? 198 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,089 Oh, I use it all the time. 199 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:34,059 First I buy her... And by her I mean you... a drink. 200 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,694 Now, I'm the guy who gets her 201 00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:36,561 What she wants. 202 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,063 Then I pretend to care 203 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,865 About whatever idiotic thing she cares about. 204 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,267 For you, that would be the environment. 205 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,568 Now, I'm the great 206 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,070 Guy who shares her interests. 207 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,372 And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment 208 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:50,041 Shouting, "oh, oh, bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!" 209 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,209 And by you, 210 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,377 I mean her. 211 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,713 He is not trying to seduce me. 212 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,715 He didn't even offer me the job. 213 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:57,717 That comes later. 214 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:58,950 At dinner. 215 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,986 He did invite you to dinner, didn't he? 216 00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:03,422 Let me buy you dinner 217 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,190 Tomorrow night 218 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:06,758 As a thank you, okay? 219 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,560 You'll tell me all about the nrdc, 220 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,796 And we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients. 221 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,564 I, you know, I don't know, 222 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,466 I don't know if... Marshall, 223 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,469 You know what kobe beef is? 224 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:20,472 The most expensive beef in the world. 225 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:24,142 The place I'm taking you has kobe lobster. 226 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:28,313 That is lobster fed with kobe beef. 227 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,484 Oh, my god, he's trying to seduce me. 228 00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,419 So are you gonna go to dinner with him? 229 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,121 No. No way. 230 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,123 I promised myself to the nrdc. 231 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,491 I'm not that kind of lawyer. 232 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:40,926 Oh, you should go. 233 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,427 I mean, you're not gonna take the job, 234 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,562 But you might as well 235 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,963 Get a great meal out of the deal. 236 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,231 Don't wait up. 237 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,834 Guys, guys, guys, check this out. 238 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,569 Ted mosby porn star's bio 239 00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,637 Says his hometown is your hometown. 240 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,772 Shaker heights, ohio. 241 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:54,940 Ted: What? 242 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:55,841 Okay, this is getting creepy. 243 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,108 Who, who is this guy? 244 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,777 I gotta find him. 245 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,645 Well, it's your lucky day. He's gonna be signing 246 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,581 Autographs tomorrow night in manhattan 247 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,316 At something called the adult video expo. 248 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,318 Mm. Wait. 249 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,852 Are you telling me 250 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,653 That they actually have conventions for porn? 251 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,788 Affirmative. 252 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,189 Or to put it another way... 253 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,492 God bless america. 254 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,997 You can really taste the beef in that lobster. 255 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,065 Right. 256 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,501 Listen, 257 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,536 I know we're only here to screw over my client, 258 00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,171 Who quite frankly deserves it... 259 00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,140 But I gotta be able 260 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:31,109 To tell the guys upstairs I gave you the spiel, okay? 261 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,477 So, first up, 262 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,179 Starting salary. 263 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,280 Okay. 264 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,948 Here we go. 265 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,818 This is the big number that's supposed to impress me and... 266 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,319 Wow. 267 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,822 That is a big number. 268 00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,891 There's also a signing bonus, 269 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,893 Uh, use of a company car, 270 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,895 Expense account, blah, blah, blah. 271 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,564 Hey, by the way, turn around and wave to patrick swayze. 272 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,866 Hey. 273 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,870 I'm going to, uh, try to remain cool. 274 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,972 But you know patrick swayze?! 275 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,207 He's a client. 276 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,408 Who do you think bought us this wine. 277 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,243 Crazy swayze. 278 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,178 Cheers, buddy. 279 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,047 Okay. No. 280 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,016 Jeff, this is all very impressive, 281 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,417 But I just don't think that... Listen, I know, 282 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,185 I know. You're not gonna 283 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,988 Be tempted by big numbers and fancy perks. 284 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,090 You're gonna do the noble thing, 285 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,693 Take the low-paying job at the nrdc, 286 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,194 Live off your family money. 287 00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,429 Family money? 288 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,731 You do have family money, don't you? 289 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,600 No, um, not that I know of. 290 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:33,338 I do have an uncle who owns a, a pretty successful bait shop. 291 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,206 Nrdc. 292 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,742 No family money. 293 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,945 Oh. 294 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:42,080 So you don't plan on having kids? 295 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,215 Actually, I, I want to have four kids. 296 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:47,519 Well... 297 00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,688 New york public schools make a lot of parents nervous, 298 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:54,526 But the kids who walk out, walk out proud. 299 00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,695 It was turning into a tough decision. 300 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,697 Now, kids, when I'm facing a tough decision 301 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,732 I like to get out the old yellow legal pad 302 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,400 And make a list of pros and cons. 303 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,935 Marshall knew all the cons, 304 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,737 But there was one thing he didn't know... 305 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,238 A big item in the "pros" column. 306 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,074 Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher. 307 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,809 Yeah. 'cause robin 308 00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,978 Was about to ask lily the one question... 309 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:16,081 An-and you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right? 310 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,382 Yeah. 311 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,551 That lily had been dreading for years. 312 00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,586 Well, how do you afford all of these expensive clothes? 313 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,556 I shop the sales. 314 00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,125 They were in the closet when we moved in. 315 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,259 I steal. 316 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,494 I'm a criminal. 317 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:33,331 I once shot a man just to watch him die. 318 00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,432 Lily? 319 00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,900 Okay. 320 00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:39,070 That's when lily showed robin her box of shame. 321 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,074 Lily, this is nuts. 322 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,776 How many credit cards do you have? 323 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:45,744 I don't know. 324 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,145 Well, how much do you owe? 325 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,080 I don't know! 326 00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:53,652 Wow... I can't believe this many people 327 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,453 Love porn this much, 328 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,856 Including that guy who works in human resources at my firm. 329 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,190 Hey. 330 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,326 Let's just wave at each other awkwardly. 331 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,029 That'll make it better. 332 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,830 Dude, come on, let's just find bizarro me 333 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:06,965 And get out of here. 334 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,099 Oh, 335 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,200 Oh, I get it. 336 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,269 Ted mosby, non-porn star, 337 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,171 Thinks this is all crude and disgusting. 338 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,673 You know who else was considered 339 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,640 Crude and disgusting? 340 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:16,642 Shakespeare. 341 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,376 Hmm. But his themes... 342 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:21,880 Love, lust, forbidden desire... were universal, 343 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,649 Which is why his work has stood the test of time. 344 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,484 And so will all this. 345 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:30,522 400 years from now, some high school drama class 346 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,224 Will be doing a plucky, spirited production 347 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,960 Of beef party vii. 348 00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:39,064 Oh, my god, lily, that is a lot of debt. 349 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,366 How did you get yourself into this situation? 350 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,401 I don't know what it is. 351 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:46,304 When I feel down about something, I shop. 352 00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,340 Ma'am, is everything okay? Oh, 353 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,676 I just had a huge fight with my mother. 354 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,645 She doesn't understand me at all. 355 00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:57,348 I swore that teaching would be a way 356 00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,050 To support my painting career, 357 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,252 But I never paint anymore. 358 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,824 I just got a huge credit card bill. 359 00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:08,193 Does marshall know? 360 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,195 No. 361 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,528 But you guys are the couple 362 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,830 Who tell each other everything. 363 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,264 And for god's sakes, lily, 364 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,166 You text him while he's on the can. 365 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,902 Well, I just want him to know I'm rooting for him. 366 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:21,372 Wait, okay, this all makes sense. 367 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,440 So when you said... 368 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,075 But you're still going to go 369 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,343 To your job interview today, right, baby? 370 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:26,077 Robin: And then... 371 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,378 Oh, you should go. 372 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,247 I mean, you're not going to take the job, 373 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,949 But you might as well get a great meal out of the deal. 374 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,684 You were pushing him 375 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,552 Into taking that high- paying corporate job. 376 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,020 I know. 377 00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:38,223 It's terrible that I was trying to get him to do that. 378 00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,225 Terrible? He has to take it. 379 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,260 I mean, how else are you going to pay off all that debt? 380 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,428 Lily, you have 381 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,696 To tell him about this 382 00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:46,131 Before he turns down that job. 383 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,032 You're right. 384 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,701 I feel awful. 385 00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,538 You know, there's a sale... We're not going shopping. 386 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,412 Ooh, there he is. Come on, let's go. 387 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:05,784 Why do I get so nervous around celebrities? 388 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,252 Hi, ted mosby. 389 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,554 I'm ted mosby. 390 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,456 Ted mosby, it's you. 391 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:12,924 Have we met? 392 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,093 Mr. Mosby, it is an honor to meet you, sir. 393 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,095 Starney binson. 394 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,162 Barney stinson. 395 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,630 Damn it. 396 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,831 We have met. 397 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,299 My real name is steve biel. 398 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,268 When I was in fourth grade, you were in ninth, 399 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,003 And, and one day I was out behind the school 400 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,838 And a bunch of seventh graders 401 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,273 Were just beating the crap out of me. 402 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,275 Oh, yeah, I remember. That was you? 403 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,477 Yeah, but you pulled them off me. 404 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,813 You told them to go pick on someone their own size. 405 00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:35,815 Huh. 406 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,282 I vowed right then 407 00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,450 That when I made something of myself, 408 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,252 I would honor you somehow. 409 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,688 So you took my name and starred 410 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,191 In welcome to the sex truck? 411 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:49,160 Yeah. 412 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,696 Um, yeah, listen, ted, you got to stop using my name. 413 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:55,099 I-I'm trying to make a career as an architect. 414 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:56,668 Architect, huh? 415 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,637 You mean like a sex architect? 416 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,706 What? Yeah, you know, you're on to something. 417 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,008 That would make a great title of a film. 418 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:07,645 Ted mosby, sex architect. 419 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,948 You know, I'm actually looking for a new project 420 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,950 To shoot next Friday afternoon. 421 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,719 Yeah, listen, isn't, isn't there some other way 422 00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:15,954 You could honor me? 423 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,488 With all due respect. 424 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,457 Wait, you're not mad, are you? 425 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,327 Oh, man, I knew it. 426 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,496 My father said, "just plant a tree in israel." 427 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,631 I'm such an idiot. 428 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:27,665 I guess 429 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,400 I thought you'd be psyched. 430 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:32,136 I am. 431 00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,571 I am; it's just 432 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,740 I feel a little guilty because I'm not 433 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,475 The one who saved you that day. 434 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:40,478 The guy who actually saved you was... 435 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:45,650 Named... Lance hardwood. 436 00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,020 Lance hardwood, yeah. 437 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,822 Really? Mm. 438 00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,891 You know, you might not know this, 439 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,960 But in my business, that's kind of a killer name. 440 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,030 Yeah, I guess, I guess it is. 441 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,565 I can see the poster now. 442 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,934 Lance hardwood, sex architect. 443 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:03,902 Starring... 444 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,403 Ted mosby. 445 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,838 I love it. 446 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:10,675 Ted: Marshall and jeff stayed pretty late at the restaurant. 447 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,043 They stayed so late 448 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,411 That marshall crashed on jeff's couch, 449 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,679 And the next day, 450 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,514 Marshall took part in a Sunday morning tradition 451 00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:21,085 As old as the city itself: The walk of shame, 452 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,354 The long journey home after doing something you regret 453 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,589 The night before. 454 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,291 I'll take the job. 455 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,293 That's awesome! 456 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:28,793 Yeah! Yeah! 457 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:31,529 Great time last night. 458 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,564 I'll call you later. 459 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:36,046 He's not going to call you. 460 00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:39,704 Hey. Hey. 461 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,239 Um, did you get my message? 462 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,374 I just, I crashed uptown. Yeah, yeah. 463 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,945 Listen, I have, uh, something to tell you. 464 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,414 Uh, I have something I need to tell you also. 465 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,749 Mine's pretty huge. 466 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,284 You go first. 467 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,286 Well... I took 468 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,387 The job. 469 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,822 I'm sorry. 470 00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:58,723 I'm so sorry. 471 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,158 I was drunk, 472 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:04,162 And it was a haze of cigars and scotch and swayze, 473 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,730 And they offered me, like, 474 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,933 Like, like, like, a lot of money. 475 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,702 Oh, marshall. 476 00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,638 How much money? 477 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,476 Here. 478 00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:23,114 Whee! 479 00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,249 Yeah! 480 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:27,919 It's completely despicable. 481 00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:29,420 I know, I know, I sold out 482 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:33,758 For a huge pile of disgusting money, 483 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:38,496 Disgusting money that could help our future family 484 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,131 Have some financial security 485 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,432 And could help pay for law school. 486 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,801 Law school. 487 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,104 Law school that I went to to help protect the environment, 488 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,372 Not help destroy it. 489 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,473 And for what? 490 00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:51,275 For, for... A lot of money. 491 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:57,949 Okay, okay, you've got to stop screaming. 492 00:16:57,951 --> 00:16:59,517 Listen, marshall, you know what I like 493 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,885 To do in situations like this? 494 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,554 Ted, if you say "make a list of pros and cons," 495 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:04,789 I'm going to smack you. 496 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:05,957 I wasn't going to say that. 497 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,992 Okay, two beers, 498 00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:11,162 And ted, here's that yellow legal pad you asked for. 499 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,030 Yellow legal pad? 500 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,698 I ordered fries. 501 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,567 Maybe you should use this to write down people's orders. 502 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:21,639 Guys, I don't- I don't know what to do. 503 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:22,874 Take the money. 504 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,476 Money's good, money is happiness. 505 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,345 If I work there, 506 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,514 I'll be representing the most evil corporations in the world. 507 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,050 Kind of sounds like a pro and con list to me. 508 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,252 Lily, you have to tell him. 509 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:36,187 You can help him make this decision. 510 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,189 Oh, I think he's doing fine on his own. 511 00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:45,263 All right. 512 00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:49,834 Marshall, 513 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,537 I have something to say, 514 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,539 And it's going to help you make your decision. 515 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:58,042 Oh, of course, you know my heart better than I do. 516 00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,111 You know what's best for me and for us. 517 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:03,414 Please, please tell me what to do. 518 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:10,788 I think you should take the job at the nrdc. 519 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,291 Of course I should, of course I should. 520 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,126 Guys, 521 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,528 I'm going to save the planet earth. 522 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,864 I got to go call jeff. 523 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,702 What is the matter with you? 524 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,204 I can't ask him to make himself miserable 525 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,739 Because of a mistake I made. 526 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:31,209 It's my problem; I'll figure it out. 527 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,578 That's really sweet. 528 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,246 Are those new earrings? 529 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,548 What are you, my mom? 530 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,718 Jeff, hey, um, it's marshall. 531 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,453 Jeff: Hey, marshall. 532 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,789 I have something that I need to tell you. 533 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,991 I feel really weird about doing this over the phone. 534 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,159 Then don't. 535 00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,429 Before you say anything, 536 00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:54,565 Come take a ride in this awesome limo with me. 537 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,267 Where are we going? 538 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,935 Tuckahoe funland. 539 00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,804 I'm sorry. 540 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,240 It sounded like you said "tuckahoe funland, 541 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,842 The magic factory where dreams are made." 542 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,310 Get in. 543 00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:14,085 Man, I-I love this place. 544 00:19:14,087 --> 00:19:16,287 Me, too, buddy. 545 00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:19,090 So what did you want to tell me? 546 00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:21,459 I can't work for you. 547 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,660 I know, dude. 548 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,629 It's fine. 549 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,165 Marshall eriksen wants to preserve the environment, 550 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,500 So that our children can enjoy it as we have. 551 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,469 I get it. 552 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:34,338 Good. Thank you. 553 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:39,143 I look down and see children enjoying this place. 554 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:41,646 Yeah, because somebody fought to preserve it. 555 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,782 If they ever shut this place down, it would be a tragedy. 556 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:48,986 Well, the good news is, that'll never happen. 557 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,188 You won't let it. 558 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,856 Because when you work for us, 559 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:56,561 Your only client will be this place... 560 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,896 Tuckahoe funland. 561 00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:03,367 I'm taking the job. 562 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,402 Hey! All right. 563 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,836 And the best part is 564 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,071 I'm not even going to be representing 565 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,706 Some sort of evil corporation. 566 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,375 I will be representing tuckahoe funland, 567 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,344 The least evil place in the world. 568 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,079 Or so marshall thought. 569 00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:22,353 Great news, great news. 570 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,922 Uh-oh. 571 00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:28,092 Oh, I better check on him. 572 00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:39,036 Barney: Got it. Lance hardwood, 573 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,772 Sex architect starring ted mosby. 574 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,107 Terrific. 575 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:46,043 You'll notice I'm in the credits. 576 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,946 I did some location scouting. 577 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:59,390 Here are the plans for the new international sex building. 578 00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:02,927 Wow, that really looks like our apartment. 579 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:03,929 It is. 580 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,097 Oh, I should return these. 581 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,565 Oh, 582 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:10,401 Sex architect, you've done it again. 583 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:13,304 Let's go celebrate on the couch.