1 00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:03,769 Ted: Kids, everybody makes mistakes. 2 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,671 Take this girl meg for instance. 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,806 She made a mistake, a mistake named barney. 4 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,008 Yeah, 5 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:11,844 I thought I was gonna get married to my last boyfriend 6 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:15,114 But, boy, did that guy have commitment issues. 7 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,849 That whole relationship... 8 00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,651 That's three weeks of my life I'll never get back. 9 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:23,155 Well, I love commitment. 10 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,157 I wish I could marry commitment. 11 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,358 Barney: I met a girl 12 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,393 Last night. Really? 13 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,361 So perky and full of life 14 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,729 And not at all fake. 15 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,197 You're talking about her boobs, right? 16 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,365 Sí. 17 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,234 And that wasn't spanish, that was cup size. 18 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,869 What up? 19 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,671 So, these boobs... Hmm. 20 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,206 Paint me a word picture. 21 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,474 All right, ted. 22 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,344 Imagine the heads of two irish babies. Mmm. 23 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,578 Let's call them... 24 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,714 And... 25 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,516 Please stop! 26 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,217 Ted: When you get married, 27 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,353 You start outgrowing certain parts of your life. 28 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,388 And for lily and marshall, those certain parts were, 29 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,223 For the most part, me. 30 00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:01,493 Aaaaahh! 31 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,162 Why would you come in? 32 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,396 You heard me shaving! 33 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,198 I thought you were shaving your face! 34 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,500 Well, clearly I wasn't! 35 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:10,402 Oh! No, no! 36 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,703 Pay up! Ugh! 37 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:12,504 Hussy! 38 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:13,839 Guys. Hussy? What? 39 00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:14,706 Guys, 40 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,175 It's 3:00 in the morning 41 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,242 And it reeks in here. 42 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,410 Ted said it was okay. 43 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,445 Ah, hey, marshall. 44 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:20,913 You're still up? 45 00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:22,748 Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow? 46 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,716 Discontent was bubbling under the surface, 47 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,386 Until one day... 48 00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,388 Ted! 49 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:29,555 How many times 50 00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:31,290 Have I asked you to put the lid 51 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,858 Back on the peanut butter jar? 52 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,760 It's this sort of inconsiderate, 53 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,429 Immature jackassery that makes me feel 54 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,765 Like I'm living in the real world house, 55 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,267 And not the early years when they all had jobs 56 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,902 And social consciences. 57 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:44,937 I'm talking 58 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,405 About hawaii and after! 59 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,240 I can't take this anymore! 60 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,441 Ted, lily and I 61 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,943 Are married now! 62 00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:51,777 It's time! 63 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,446 We're getting our own place! 64 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,782 Actually, I left the lid off. 65 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:57,883 Sorry, baby. 66 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,119 But still, it was time to move forward. 67 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,621 So, they set out to find a new apartment to rent. 68 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,323 Hey, here's one. 69 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,492 Pre-war building, recently renovated, 70 00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,494 Hardwood floors, tons of light, 71 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,596 Two bedroom, two bath. 72 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,131 Oh, yeah, but that one's not for rent. 73 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,133 It's for sale. 74 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,733 Oh, right. 75 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,836 Kids, your uncle marshall always likes to say 76 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,472 That he had made three big mistakes in his life. 77 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,507 This was the first. 78 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,642 Jump, you big chicken! 79 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,977 Jump! You afraidy cat! 80 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,311 Jump! Jump! 81 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,479 This was the second. 82 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,449 No! 83 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,351 And this was the third and biggest. 84 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,186 We should buy a place! 85 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,154 What? 86 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,255 Baby, real estate 87 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,456 Is always a good investment. 88 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:38,524 It's not. 89 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,425 And the market is really hot right now. 90 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,493 It wasn't. 91 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,961 And because of my new job, 92 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,963 We are in such a strong place financially. 93 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:48,367 They weren't. Because lily had a secret. 94 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,468 Hi. 95 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:50,669 My name is lily 96 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,337 And I'm a shopaholic. 97 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,872 Hi, lily. 98 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,974 Oh, you guys don't do that here? 99 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,209 Sorry. 100 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,478 Proceed. 101 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,114 I buy designer clothes and accessories 102 00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:03,882 That I can't afford. 103 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:07,119 I have 15 credit cards, and they're all maxed out. 104 00:03:07,121 --> 00:03:08,554 And no one 105 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,356 Outside of this room, not even my husband, knows. 106 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,991 And I, I feel terrible 107 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:15,661 Because all I want to do right now is ask you 108 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,196 Where you got those shoes. 109 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,198 They're adorable. 110 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,300 We can't buy; we have debt. 111 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,334 Yeah, I know, 112 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,002 My student loans are pretty big. 113 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,370 I forgive you. 114 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,205 What? 115 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:27,339 Well... 116 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,174 I'm just saying, as your wife, you know, 117 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:32,344 I'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars 118 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,179 On a brand name law school. 119 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:38,517 Because I know it makes you feel good and pretty. 120 00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:41,019 Let's just go take a look at this place. 121 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,421 Where is it? 122 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,991 Uh, it's in a neighborhood called... 123 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,361 Dowisetrepla? 124 00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,396 Dowisetrepla. 125 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,666 Oh, I see, you're not new yorkers. 126 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,668 Oh, actually we live on the upper west side, so... 127 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,537 No need to be embarrassed, listen, 128 00:03:58,539 --> 00:03:59,571 Here in new york we just shorten the names 129 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,073 Of all the neighborhoods, 130 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,542 Soho, tribeca, nolita... 131 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,010 Oh, right. 132 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,111 Dowisetrepla. 133 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,846 No, I'm, I'm from new york. 134 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,248 I know this neighborhood. 135 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,916 I'm down with d-town. 136 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,051 Oh, well, nobody calls it d-town. 137 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,186 Dowisetrepla 138 00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:15,954 Is the up-and-coming neighborhood. 139 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,089 And I have to tell you, for these prices, 140 00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:19,024 You're not going to be able to find another... 141 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,793 I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there. 142 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,595 Don't bother with the hard sell. 143 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,230 This place is, is way out of our price range, 144 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,699 And besides, we've only just started to looking. 145 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,568 Is what marshall should have said. 146 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,070 I'm gonna stop you right there. 147 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,405 I love it! 148 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:34,473 Let's get it! 149 00:04:34,497 --> 00:04:40,497 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 150 00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,757 Marshall: Thank you, guys, for coming down here so quickly. 151 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,592 I've never been to this neighborhood. 152 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:56,161 Kind of thought this part of town was water. 153 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,163 No, dude. 154 00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,598 This is dowisetrepla. 155 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,433 Dowisetrepla? Yeah. 156 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,101 Is that an abbreviation for something? 157 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,972 He's from ohio. 158 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:10,008 Dowisetrepla is the up-and- coming neighborhood. Oh. 159 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,810 I think this might be the place 160 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,745 Where lily and I start a family. 161 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,614 I can see it now. 162 00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:20,385 Two, three, four. 163 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:24,656 All right, bring it home, boys. 164 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,692 Lily: Sounds great, boys. 165 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:29,761 Who wants chocolate pancakes? 166 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,030 Thanks, mommy! 167 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,467 Man... 168 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,302 Life is gonna be sweet! 169 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,805 Oh, my god, lily, have you seen this kitchen? 170 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:40,839 I know. It's... 171 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,774 Isn't it amazing? 172 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,643 I just love it so... What the hell 173 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:45,811 Are you doing? 174 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,145 You can't buy this place. 175 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:47,946 Lily, you have a debt 176 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,548 The size of mount waddington! 177 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,649 Waddington? 178 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,384 It's the tallest mountain in canada. 179 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,319 It's like 4,000 meters high. 180 00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:54,986 Meters? 181 00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,488 Don't let marshall 182 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,856 Fall in love with this apartment. 183 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,491 I know, I know, I know, I know, 184 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,126 But what do I tell him? 185 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,828 I-I don't know, tell him, um, 186 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,296 Tell him you saw a ghost. Tell him it's haunted. 187 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:07,099 You really don't know marshall at all. 188 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,503 So, uh, the owners, 189 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,738 Where are they? Oh. 190 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:13,972 They're on vacation in France 191 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,207 For two of weeks. I see. 192 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,908 Between you and me, 193 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,478 I'm also interested in the apartment. 194 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,079 So is there any way I could 195 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,848 Come back later and check it out 196 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,349 While you're showing them other places? 197 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,251 The lockbox combination is 198 00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,319 1421. 199 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,087 And here is my card. 200 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,558 Are you serious? 201 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,060 You're trying to snake this apartment 202 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,161 Away from marshall and lily? 203 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:36,995 Ted, do you think 204 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,064 I have no morals whatsoever? 205 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,198 I simply want 206 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,367 To fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment 207 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:44,903 So I can nail her once and never have to see her again. 208 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,505 I'm not a monster. 209 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,240 Now, listen, I don't want to put a lot 210 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:50,175 Of pressure on you, but there is one other couple 211 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,877 That's expressed very serious interest. 212 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:54,713 I see what you're doing here. 213 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,181 "Another couple." 214 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,718 That crap is page one out of the realtor's playbook. 215 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,219 And we're not buying it. 216 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,422 Is what marshall should have said. 217 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:04,890 Another couple? No! 218 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,792 We want it. Sell it to us. 219 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:08,226 We'll give you so much more money. 220 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,862 Oh, marshall, can I talk to you? 221 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,765 Marshall, I just... 222 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,067 I don't know if now is the right time to buy. 223 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,936 But we're not doing this for now, 224 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,138 We're doing this for our future. 225 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,606 Can't you imagine 226 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,774 Starting a family here? 227 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,212 Oh, persephone! 228 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,747 Oh, daphne! 229 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,415 These'll be a perfect additions 230 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:33,185 To our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the met. 231 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:36,254 Looks great, girls. 232 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,490 Who wants crêpes au chocolat? 233 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,460 Lily/girls: Merci, papa! 234 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:44,262 So... What do you guys think? 235 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,564 Oh... 236 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,933 I love it, but, marshall, 237 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,936 I should have told you this a long time ago. 238 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:53,772 We can't afford to buy an apartment 239 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,675 Because I have too much credit card debt. 240 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,510 I am so sorry. 241 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,078 Is what she should have said. 242 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,747 I love it. Let's get it. 243 00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:04,483 Can we charge it? 244 00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,017 To lily and marshall 245 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,986 And their momentous step forward into adulthood. 246 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,921 Cheers. 247 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,756 Barney/ted/robin: Chug! Chug! Chug! 248 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:12,858 Chug! Chug! Chug! Drink it! 249 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,426 Yes! Well done. Nice! Yeah! 250 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:15,794 Anything else? 251 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,629 Yes... I've been staring 252 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,631 At that thing for years. 253 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:20,765 Wendy, 254 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,467 Bring me the comically large 255 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,702 Bottle of champagne 256 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,006 Really? Are you sure? 257 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,808 It's never been refrigerated. 258 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,943 And I think at some point there was a fish in it. 259 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:35,380 Honey, once you've made the sale, stop sellin'. 260 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,316 All right, but you guys have to help me carry it. 261 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,518 All right, let's do it. 262 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,852 Whatever. Let's do this. 263 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,654 I know what you're thinking. 264 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,389 I should tell marshall the truth. 265 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,290 Hey, 266 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,192 I've got the whole thing figured out. 267 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,127 We'll apply for the loan under marshall's name, 268 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,962 And he'll never need to know. 269 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,798 And then in the meantime, I'll slowly work down my debt. 270 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,667 Right after I furnish the apartment. 271 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,870 I saw this amazing leather sofa today. 272 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,506 You should be a reality show. 273 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,508 Nice! 274 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,343 Nice. 275 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,345 Wait! 276 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,480 That cork is the size of a softball 277 00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,749 And you're pointing it directly at wendy the waitress's face. 278 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,751 Is what he should have said. 279 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,388 Now, if you're thinking of buying an apartment, 280 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,690 It's always good to check the place out at night. 281 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:20,992 Welcome to my humble abode. 282 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,094 This place is so nice. 283 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,829 Ah, make yourself at home. 284 00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,331 Please, get comfortable. 285 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:29,000 If you see something you like, just take it. 286 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:31,503 Who are these people? 287 00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:32,871 Uh... That's my parents. 288 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,674 They're asian. 289 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,008 Yeah. 290 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,044 They're a chinese couple that wanted a white baby. 291 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,612 It works both ways. 292 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,347 Cookie. 293 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,682 Wow. 294 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:44,849 Did you make those? 295 00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,184 You got me. 296 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,852 My sisters taught me how to bake 297 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,354 And how to listen. 298 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,589 Wow. 299 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,857 I feel so at home here. 300 00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:55,460 I'm glad. Sometimes, I don't. 301 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:58,863 A place like this really needs a lady of the house. 302 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:01,366 I know it's early to be thinking of you as... 303 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,868 Oh, god, I'm freaking you out, aren't I? 304 00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,204 It's just you make me feel so safe... 305 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,639 I didn't... 306 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,042 The next day, lily and marshall went 307 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,611 To the mortgage broker to get a loan. 308 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:13,712 Hey, uh, 309 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,380 Can we get this in singles? 310 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,915 Before we get the apartment, I want to put in a kiddie pool 311 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,316 And swim around in it naked. 312 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,220 Great, that is great! Thank you. 313 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,388 Thank you. 314 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:26,424 Okay, all right, back to business now. 315 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,726 All right, mrs. Aldrin, 316 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,494 I'm going to need your social as well. 317 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,162 What? Why? 318 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,131 I mean, you already have marshall's. 319 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,933 Yes, but since you're a married couple, 320 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,402 You'll be applying for a joint loan, so... 321 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,470 Well, can we just 322 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,106 Go ahead and do it in my husband's name? 323 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:43,008 He's the head of the household. 324 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,242 He earns the big bucks. 325 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,379 I mean, can women even own property? 326 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,914 Go ahead, just give him your social. 327 00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:52,817 Okay, my... My social is, uh... 328 00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,488 Got it. 329 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,622 Okay. 330 00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:01,259 Let's see what kind of rate I can get you two. 331 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,861 Under six percent. Under six percent. 332 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,329 Under six percent, please. 333 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:07,032 There we go. Congratulations. 334 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,633 You have been approved for a loan 335 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,201 At 18%. 336 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:13,772 No, way. That-that can't be right. 337 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,273 You're lucky to be getting a mortgage. 338 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,008 Let's get out of here, marshall. 339 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,977 Hold it, I-I don't understand. 340 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,645 Did we do something wrong or...? 341 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,547 You have quite a bit of debt. 342 00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,983 My student loans. Great. 343 00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,618 I thought we were friends. 344 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:27,786 You know what, it's fine 345 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,120 To penalize me for trying 346 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,622 To get an education and build a career, 347 00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:32,390 But I will not let you deprive my beautiful wife 348 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,392 Of her dream home just because I... 349 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:38,029 Okay, actually, it's because of your wife's credit card debt. 350 00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:44,035 Oh, my god. 351 00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:48,406 Marshall, there's something I have to tell you, 352 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,543 And I want you to hear it from me first. 353 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,350 Okay, so let me get this straight. 354 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,920 You just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment? 355 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,655 Yeah, we spent the night. 356 00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:05,824 Hey, look at you. 357 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,726 Hey. 358 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,228 I'm wearing your bathrobe. 359 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,163 I hope you don't mind. 360 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,598 The only thing missing from that bathrobe 361 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,166 Are your initials. 362 00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:19,504 My mom's gonna be in town next week. 363 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:22,407 Is it okay if she stays with us? 364 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,744 Only if she sleeps in the bed 365 00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,545 And I sleep on the couch. 366 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,681 You're so sweet. 367 00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:31,082 I love you. 368 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,785 There, I said it and I'm not taking it back. 369 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,421 Oh, my god! I love you, too. 370 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,390 I'm finally not the first one to say it! 371 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:42,060 How about you get in the shower, 372 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:44,729 And I will make us some waffles. 373 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:46,264 Uh-huh. 374 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:01,813 Works every time. 375 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,414 Wait. 376 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,216 That time that you offered to walk my dogs 377 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,318 When I went to visit my dad in vancouver... 378 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,153 Yup. 379 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,988 Is that why my yorkie trembled 380 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,990 For like a week after I got back? 381 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,424 Yeah. 382 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,906 That little guy saw some stuff I'm not proud of. 383 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:19,297 Whoa. What? 384 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,633 There was a fight here. 385 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,234 What do you mean? 386 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,403 Whenever marshall and lily have a big argument, they always 387 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,272 Leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment. 388 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,907 Oh, god, here we go. 389 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,342 He had a detective club as a kid. 390 00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:33,011 Uh, the mosby boys 391 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,679 Cracked a lot of big cases. 392 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,247 The mosby boys? 393 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,316 You mean you and your sister. 394 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,451 We solved the mystery of the missing retainer. 395 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,021 Hmm, let me guess: It was in the garbage. 396 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,356 Why are you like this? 397 00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:47,859 Anyway, this is serious. 398 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,194 I know lily and marshall. 399 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,795 All the telltale signs are here. 400 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,697 Like this. 401 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:55,633 A water bottle? Don't touch the evidence! 402 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,302 I got your back, partner. 403 00:13:57,304 --> 00:14:00,038 It's not just any water bottle. 404 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,440 Notice the label is peeled off. 405 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:04,642 Lily always peels labels off 406 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,845 The bottle when she's feeling guilty. 407 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:10,782 This label is not only peeled off, but torn up. 408 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:16,221 Oh, man, she must have done something bad. 409 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,323 Which means marshall must have been really angry, 410 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,124 And when marshall gets really angry... 411 00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:22,293 He eats. 412 00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:31,736 Just as I suspected, 413 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,638 Cherry garcia. 414 00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:37,242 Given the liquid consistency, 415 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:41,980 I place the fight between... Noon and 1:00. 416 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,048 Ew, that was on the floor. 417 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,084 If you want to get to the bottom of this, 418 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,720 You're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll-face. 419 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,355 Marshall stood here. 420 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,591 Eating and yelling, yelling and eating. 421 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,094 Lily stood here. 422 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,862 Crying. 423 00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,264 Ew, ted. 424 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,499 And then marshall tried 425 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,201 To storm out... 426 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,671 But lily went for the hail mary pass. 427 00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:11,476 Which would mean... 428 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,448 What do you think, makeup sex? 429 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,251 No. There'd be a bigger mess. 430 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,587 Tempted as he was, marshall was still too upset. 431 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,123 He had to get out of here, any way he could. 432 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,258 He chose the door, 433 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,693 Slamming it behind him. 434 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:31,129 Which is why this picture is crooked. 435 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,630 Nice catch, rook. 436 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,600 I'll just, uh, take this down to the lab. 437 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,437 Now all we need is a motive. 438 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,039 The million-dollar question. 439 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,573 What were they fighting about? 440 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,309 I know what they've been fighting... 441 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,410 Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. 442 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,712 There's only one possible conclusion. 443 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,915 Lily and marshall were fighting about: 444 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:53,318 Peanut butter. Ah. 445 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,955 Lily left the lid off... 446 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,290 Then marshall blew his. 447 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,926 I know what they were fighting about, 448 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,428 And it wasn't peanut butter. 449 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,929 Robin, just... I appreciate your help, 450 00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,765 But there's a reason your name is robin, not batman. 451 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,069 They were fighting because they didn't get the loan 452 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,437 And it's all lily's fault. 453 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,005 Robin, just... What? 454 00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:18,343 Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of mount... Rushmore. 455 00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,844 Nice try, robin. 456 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,412 So, the next thing lily did 457 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,848 Was give marshall a few hours to cool off about 458 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,117 The peanut butter. 459 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,485 Then she called him 460 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,089 To apologize, which is why the last number dialed is... 461 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:34,011 Woman: Greenstein and lee, divorce attorneys. 462 00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,328 This can't be happening. 463 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,831 They can't... Get divorced. 464 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,632 Not lily and marshall, no way. 465 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,334 Well, it's been nice knowing you guys. 466 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,869 What do you mean? Well... 467 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,372 Marshall's gonna get you guys, lily's gonna get me. 468 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,040 Even if they did break up, that doesn't mean 469 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,708 We can't all still hang out. 470 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,377 I mean, we broke up and we still hang out... it's not weird. 471 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,112 It's a little weird. 472 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,048 Yeah, it is. It's weird. 473 00:16:57,983 --> 00:16:59,517 The world needs 474 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,553 Marshall and lily... Together. 475 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,725 I'm not crying, there's something in my eye. 476 00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,428 They're back. 477 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,399 Hey, hey, guys. Hey. 478 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,534 We have an announcement. 479 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,903 I know, it's a terrible idea. 480 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,405 You can't do it! 481 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:23,708 Just look at me. 482 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,543 Oh... 483 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,245 I hit redial on the phone. 484 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,546 Divorce lawyers? 485 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,082 Oh, I should explain. 486 00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,851 We got in a pretty big fight. 487 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,087 Yeah, I know. 488 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,989 Marshall stormed out. 489 00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,824 I went, uh, to the bar. 490 00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:43,161 Still drinking that? 491 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,829 I paid for it. 492 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:48,566 And apparently money's tight now, so... 493 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,335 Listen, I've been thinking about this, 494 00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:54,072 And I know there's no way to undo what I've done, 495 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:58,076 But, well, I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer. 496 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,277 What?! What?! 497 00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,611 Oh, no, no, no, no-no. 498 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:01,913 What, you want a divorce now? No. 499 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,081 I just mean on paper, 500 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,715 So that you can buy the apartment 501 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:07,418 Without my bad credit dragging us down. Lily... 502 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,520 Are you trying to kill me? 503 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:13,091 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part. 504 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,326 No, you shouldn't have. 505 00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:17,929 I love you, lily. 506 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,764 I love you, too. 507 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,600 And I want us to have our dream home. 508 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,769 And, well, I don't know. 509 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,938 It seems like this is a way to do it. 510 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,272 So... 511 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,942 Marshall eriksen, 512 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,877 Will you divorce me? 513 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:36,747 That's the sweetest divorce proposal I've ever heard. 514 00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:37,915 So is that a yes? 515 00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,084 You can't sleep with other women though. 516 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,286 No, we're not getting divorced, 517 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,955 Not even on paper. 518 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,791 When I married you, I married your problems, too. 519 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,661 The ones I knew about and the ones I didn't. 520 00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:52,997 So, that was the deal. 521 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,799 We'll figure this out together. 522 00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:01,038 Can I get you guys anything else? 523 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,442 So you're not getting a divorce? 524 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,077 No. Ted: Wow, you guys 525 00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:08,646 Scared us. Oh, thank god. 526 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,681 'Cause, I mean if you did, 527 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,784 Then who'd be the lame married couple I get to make fun of? 528 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,621 Like, "hey, marshall, you married miss right." 529 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,990 You just didn't know her first name was always." 530 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,472 That stuff is gold. 531 00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,829 So, what's the announcement? 532 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,598 I just got off the phone with the realtor. 533 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,168 We told her that, uh, because of our finances, 534 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,769 We're not getting the place. 535 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,804 It's just... It's not the right time. 536 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,439 Ted: Is what marshall should have said. 537 00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:38,176 I just got off the phone with the realtor. 538 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,310 We got the place! 539 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:40,678 We're homeowners! 540 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,113 Don't do it. Are you insane? 541 00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:43,214 Have you lost your mind? 542 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,649 Is what we should have said. 543 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,551 Yes! Congratulations! That's awesome! 544 00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:50,188 Wow! Wow! Thank you. 545 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,158 Aw! This is exciting! 546 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,494 Yeah. There it is! 547 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,197 Our new home. 548 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,464 Shall we? 549 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,533 We shall. 550 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,204 Oh! Oh! 551 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,206 Oh, what a horrible smell. 552 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,540 It reeks. 553 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,175 Oh, that's just the plant. 554 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,077 Don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends. 555 00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,245 Wh-what plant? 556 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,880 What are you talking about? 557 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,048 Don't you know? 558 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,549 Baby, this whole neighborhood is downwind 559 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,751 Of the sewage treatment plant. 560 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,022 Wait... What did you just say? 561 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,591 I said, we're downwind 562 00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:29,961 Of the sewage treatment plant. 563 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,834 Uh-oh. Uh-oh.