1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,837 Ted: Kids, back in 2007, it seemed like everyone belonged 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:06,505 To these silly things called gyms. 3 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,607 The idea was you'd pay them lots of money 4 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,676 To run around and lift heavy things. 5 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,344 Biggest rip-off in the world. 6 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,846 And yet people fell for it. 7 00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,214 Including me. 8 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,649 Oh, forgot my wallet. 9 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,551 It started with one of those moments 10 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,153 When you realize you're not as in shape 11 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,622 As you want to be. 12 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,024 Whoo... 13 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,226 That's further than it looks. 14 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,961 Aw, coupon's on my dresser. 15 00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:31,563 That's too far. Forget it. 16 00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:34,366 Please don't judge me. 17 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,736 I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. 18 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,139 I woke up all greasy and sweaty. 19 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,709 My sheets looked like what they wrap deli sandwiches in. 20 00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:45,978 Maybe I should join a gym. 21 00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:47,546 Do you go to a gym? 22 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,482 Well, I go to total rip fitness, but I don't work out there. 23 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,484 What do you do? 24 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,152 I invest. 25 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,754 There goes one of my investments now. 26 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,656 Cheryl, hard work's paying off. 27 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,258 Keep up the good work. 28 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:02,494 So your investments are women? 29 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,496 Yes. 30 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:07,566 Women who, how shall I put this delicately? 31 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,734 They fat. 32 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,903 So, I come here, 33 00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:12,738 Give them lots of attention now. 34 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,441 Then when they get hot, who's the first guy they run to? 35 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:19,211 The one who invested in them when they weren't. 36 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,046 Wow, I can't decide if I'm thoroughly disgusted 37 00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:22,548 Or really, really impressed. 38 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:25,217 Of course, not all investments pay dividends. 39 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:28,220 See the girl over there at the vending machine... tonya. 40 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:31,657 She is one kit kat away from junk bond status. 41 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,725 Hey, barney. 42 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,060 Becky, elliptical machine's 43 00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:38,063 Really working for you. Nice stuff. 44 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:41,700 That one's going to reward shareholders soon. 45 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:45,571 I foresee aggressive growth in my future. 46 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,805 What up? 47 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,908 Wow, that makes me want to join a gym. 48 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,243 So I can get super strong 49 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,312 And punch you really hard in the face. 50 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:56,281 Yes, we should all do it. 51 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,717 Yeah, let's all punch barney in the face. 52 00:01:58,719 --> 00:01:59,952 No, I'm serious. 53 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,787 We should totally join a gym. 54 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,888 Come on, we put on 55 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,223 The beer weight together... 56 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,457 Might as well take it off together. 57 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,459 Or we could just stop drinking beer. 58 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:11,296 No. I say we join a gym. 59 00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:13,599 Are you marshall? Yeah. 60 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,566 Hi, I'm trish. 61 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,068 I'm the trainer you signed up for. 62 00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:16,935 Oh, hi. 63 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,737 Really great 64 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,105 To meet you, trish. 65 00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,640 It's a pleasure. 66 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,976 Marshall, can I talk to you for a second? 67 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:24,978 Sure. Great. 68 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,845 Just a second. 69 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,414 Yeah, sweetie, I think 70 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,784 She maybe just a little too hot to be your trainer. 71 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,419 I get it. 72 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,156 I mean, I see what you're worried about. 73 00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,092 But this is just about me taking care of myself. 74 00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,894 You'll always be my sugar. 75 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,197 So, marshall, are you ready 76 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,632 To make a commitment to your body? 77 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,368 Pssh! Please, I'm all about committing to my body. 78 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,837 I'll drive to vermont and have a commitment ceremony 79 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,172 To my body if you want. 80 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:54,940 That was a weird thing to say. 81 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,609 All right. Start with 100 push-ups. 82 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,945 All right, cool. How many do you want me to do? 100. 83 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:03,448 Oh, I thought that was a figure of speech... 100 push-ups, 84 00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,184 Like do a bazillion push-ups. 85 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,718 No one can do 100. 86 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,354 Do you smell that? 87 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,556 No. 88 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,718 It smells like there's a little bitch in my gym. 89 00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,960 Are you being a little bitch in my gym? 90 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,128 No. 91 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,163 Then get on the floor and give me 100! 92 00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,866 You don't have to yell at me. 93 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,568 I love it here. 94 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,703 It's just normal women who want to get in shape. 95 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:28,307 I don't have to put on makeup, do my hair, 96 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,975 Wear some trendy outfit. 97 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,710 Yeah, this place is great. 98 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,645 We're meeting our friend robin here. 99 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,980 I hope you don't hate her. She's pretty hot. 100 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:35,982 Shut up. 101 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,516 Lily, tell him to shut up. 102 00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:40,586 I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard, do we know each other? 103 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:44,423 Ted, lily, you'll never believe what just happened. 104 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,905 Oh, hey, dude, I'm barney. 105 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,861 So I was at the smoothie bar... 106 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,897 What can I get you? 107 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:55,234 Oh, my god! Rhonda? 108 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,602 It's barney. 109 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:59,238 Barney stinson from staten island boulevard. 110 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,773 Hey, barney stinson from staten island boulevard. 111 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,042 What can I get you? 112 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,711 I can't believe she didn't remember me. 113 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:06,845 Why? Who is she? 114 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,347 That's rhonda. 115 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:12,517 I lost my virginity to her. 116 00:04:12,541 --> 00:04:18,541 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 117 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,269 Aw, baby, are you still sore? 118 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,971 Trish made me do 70 push-ups, 119 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,040 But she only gave me credit for ten. 120 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,276 The she had me do 100 sit-ups 121 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:40,846 And then she made me cry, using only her words. 122 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,449 It just doesn't add up. 123 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,286 How could rhonda not remember me? 124 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,054 Well, maybe it wasn't that good for her. 125 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,756 I mean, it was your first time. 126 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,225 Ted, it's me. 127 00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,626 I rocked her world. 128 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,329 You don't believe me? Okay, story time. 129 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,097 The year was 1998. 130 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:02,501 I'd been going out with shannon since freshman year of college. 131 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,935 We were saving ourselves. 132 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,170 So, when we broke up, 133 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,639 There I was, 23 and still a virgin. 134 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,974 I knew nothing about girls. 135 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,676 So I went to the guy 136 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:14,079 Who knew everything about girls... my brother james. 137 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,181 Wait, your gay brother james? 138 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,083 Yeah, this was before he was gay. 139 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,427 Barney... 140 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,263 Barney, you need to find a girl 141 00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,298 And have sex with her asap. 142 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,033 That is what dudes do after a breakup. 143 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:39,938 I know. I want to, but... I guess I'm just scared. 144 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,673 Of course you're scared. 145 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:42,675 It's gross. 146 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,310 The thought of doing that with a woman... 147 00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,479 But it's part of being a guy. 148 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,880 Try thinking about baseball. 149 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,050 Somehow I imagine those players on the field 150 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,885 And it's over a lot faster. 151 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:58,123 But I don't know the first thing about seducing a woman. 152 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,792 What do you...? How do you...? 153 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:01,960 Where do you...? 154 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,462 Stop. Don't overthink it. 155 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,330 You don't want to get the yips. 156 00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,631 The yips? 157 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,201 Yeah, when you overthink simple things so much 158 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,869 That you can't do them at all. 159 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,704 The yips. 160 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,806 Yeah, it happens to athletes all the time. 161 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,042 Like the second baseman who suddenly can't throw to first 162 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,178 Or the figure skater who does a perfect triple toe loop 163 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,147 And then loses it on the arabesque. 164 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,249 I've actually really been getting into 165 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,418 Figure skating lately. 166 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,820 But, james... 167 00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:31,556 What woman's gonna want to have sex with me? 168 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,692 It's not like I'm a backstreet boy. 169 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:36,828 The man maker. 170 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,164 Barney: Rhonda "man maker" french 171 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,099 Was our mom's friend from down the street. 172 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,234 Got any kings? 173 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,336 Go fish. 174 00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:47,239 So, patty, know that new paperboy? 175 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:51,343 I let him throw one into my hedges, if you know what I mean. 176 00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:54,112 Did you see that new guy who cleans my pool? 177 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:58,583 I let him snake my drain, if you know what I mean. 178 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:01,286 You know that chinese food delivery boy? 179 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,954 I had sex with him. 180 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,357 I don't have a funny way of saying it yet. 181 00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:09,027 It just happened 20 minutes ago. 182 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,862 Of course. 183 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,063 The man maker. 184 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,065 And it'll be easier too, 185 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,400 'cause she knows me so well. 186 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,035 Hi, barry. 187 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,370 Barney. 188 00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:19,704 Hi, ms. French. 189 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,373 I know we haven't seen each other for a while, 190 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,808 But if there was any chance... 191 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,776 Oh, boy. 192 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:30,248 Wow, you just rocked my world. 193 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,685 That was the best sex I ever had. 194 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:38,123 Barney: That was the night I was born. 195 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:42,494 I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom 196 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,396 And strode into the world, 197 00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:45,297 Armani-clad 198 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:48,500 And fully awesome. 199 00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:51,336 God, please let me stop! 200 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:52,904 Yes, great, let's stop. 201 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,340 Let's just kick back and wait for the massive coronary 202 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:56,475 You're going to have a couple years from now 203 00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:57,409 When you're 40. 204 00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:59,811 I'm... I'm 29. 205 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,947 50 more! 206 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,449 Lily: Hi, sweetie. 207 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,117 I got a trainer, too. 208 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,419 This is max. 209 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,787 We're going to focus on flexibility. 210 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,922 Yeah, I'm gonna stretch her out. 211 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,291 Great... Wait, what? 212 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,861 50 more, now! 213 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,032 Huh? 214 00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,205 Hey... 215 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:34,179 Okay, well, that's not cool. 216 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:38,016 You know, rhonda, 217 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,451 Running into you 218 00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:41,620 Really got me thinking about the old days. 219 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,654 You were quite popular. 220 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,990 I sure got around back then. 221 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:51,029 And there was one young man who stood out above the pack. 222 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,497 Freddy chibatoni. 223 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,633 That kid had a tongue like a gecko. 224 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:58,870 No, no, I was thinking about someone else. 225 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,005 Chaz alderman. 226 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,340 Hips like a woman, but he knew how to use them. 227 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,075 What about me?! 228 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,310 You? 229 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,412 Yes. We slept together. 230 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,215 And you said I was the best you ever had. 231 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,183 Did I? 232 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,352 Oh, right. 233 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,488 About that... 234 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,822 And tell him that 235 00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,357 He's the best you ever had. 236 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,026 Oh, I don't know. 237 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,894 He's just a kid. 238 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,097 No he isn't. He's 23 and he is really hurting, rhonda. 239 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,198 Please. 240 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,168 Maybe we could make a deal. 241 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,337 What? 242 00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:33,572 I don't know... 243 00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,675 Oh... 244 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,510 No, girl, I got a girlfriend. 245 00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:41,379 Yeah, yeah, yeah, hers is the only vagina for me. 246 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,381 Oh... I love it. 247 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,351 It... It isn't scary at all. 248 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,686 Well, too bad. 249 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,387 I guess your brother's going to stay a virgin. 250 00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:56,595 Fine. 251 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,697 Reggie jackson, reggie jackson, 252 00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,864 Reggie jackson... 253 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:02,267 But those compliments you gave me. 254 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,602 Wow... 255 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,804 You just rocked my world. 256 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:09,307 That was the best sex I ever had. 257 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,211 But you said I rocked your world. 258 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,213 All subsequent 259 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,880 Worlds that I rocked 260 00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:18,550 Were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned 261 00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:20,619 From said first world rocking. 262 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:23,388 Sorry, barry. 263 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:26,124 It's barney. 264 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:31,730 So I'm doing sit-ups 265 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,264 And she says, "all right, marshall," 266 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,735 So I summon all my strength and I do that set, 267 00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:37,669 And then she says, 268 00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,404 "give me another set." 269 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,239 So I'm like, "is this the last set?" 270 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,407 And she says yes. 271 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,242 So I do that set and then she says, 272 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,310 "give me another set." 273 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,312 She lied to my face! 274 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,446 Everything hurts. 275 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,416 Baby, the whole point of working out 276 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,784 Is to feel better. 277 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,252 This trainer is making you miserable. 278 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,087 You have to call her and quit. 279 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,089 I got to work through it. I got to finish what I started. 280 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,924 If you're too scared, I can call her. 281 00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,893 Her number's on this card. 282 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,131 Hi. Is this trish? 283 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,866 This is marshall's wife. 284 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,935 Listen, we have a problem here and it's you. 285 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:13,872 I don't know who the hell you think you are, 286 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,275 But from now on, you don't tell marshall what to do. 287 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,110 You are an employee. 288 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,779 We tell you what to do. 289 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:24,215 And I'm telling you you're fired, bitch. 290 00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:28,820 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, bye. 291 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,288 You better get down there, baby. 292 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,357 She's pretty pissed. 293 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,625 Hey, buddy. 294 00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:35,527 Still bummed about the whole rhonda thing? 295 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:39,631 No. Why would I let the approval of one woman define who I am? 296 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,399 That's very mature of you, barney. 297 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:42,467 Let him finish. 298 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:43,835 When I can let the approval 299 00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,303 Of a gaggle of supermodels 300 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,972 Define who I am. What? What? 301 00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,708 Three tickets to the after party 302 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,477 Of the victoria's secret fashion show? 303 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,678 Uh, kablammie! 304 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,814 Lily, um, could I go? 305 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:59,084 Go. You're too sore to do anything anyway. 306 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,394 Oh... Wow. 307 00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:15,400 Okay, this, boys, is not a regular season game. 308 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,002 This is the world series. 309 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,573 So remember, we work together. We're a team. 310 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,075 And if anyone sees heidi klum... dibs. 311 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:29,881 Ha-ah! Target acquired. Dig deep. Mm-hmm! 312 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,349 Ted: Excuse me. Excuse me. 313 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:34,519 Hey, it's a nice party, huh? 314 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,553 Yeah, it's great. 315 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,756 Do you guys work for the company? 316 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,958 Yeah, it's called 317 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,294 "I'm gonna get in your panties, incorporated." 318 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,796 Gross! 319 00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,566 Dude! 320 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,435 I don't know. That was terrible. 321 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,870 I am so sorry. 322 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,772 Wait a minute. It's okay. It's okay. It's fine. 323 00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,140 It's a numbers game. I'm cool. 324 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:58,376 Model... Model. 325 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,545 Uh... Hi. 326 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,213 I know, right? 327 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:06,451 This party is legend. Wait for it... 328 00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:14,149 Uh, how long do we have to wait for it? 329 00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:18,830 I think he's having a stroke. 330 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,901 What is the matter with me? I don't know. 331 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,503 Wait, wait, wait... you don't think I have the yips, do ya? 332 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,672 No, no, no, relax. 333 00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,007 There's alessandra ambrosio. 334 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,942 English is her second language. 335 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,744 Even if you screw up, she'll never know. 336 00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:34,646 Come on. 337 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,014 Hi. 338 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:36,915 Hi. 339 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,318 Those are very nice honkers. 340 00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,589 Honkers? I don't know this word. 341 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,090 Do you want to go dance? 342 00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:48,159 I'm talking about those things. 343 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,661 Ah-ooga! 344 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,262 Ah-ooga! 345 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,530 Ew! 346 00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:57,435 Oh, no, I can't have the yips. I can't have the yips. 347 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:58,636 Not here. Not now. 348 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:02,140 This is me. It's barney, barney! 349 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,142 Heidi klum! 350 00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:06,010 This is perfect. I can do this. I can do this. 351 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:08,813 But thanks for coming. 352 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,648 Thanks for coming. Heidi klum, I'm barney. 353 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,617 Hi, barney. Nice to meet you. 354 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:15,520 Goobidy, goobidy, goobidy, goobidy. 355 00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:18,323 Whoa. 356 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,858 Is he okay? 357 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,359 Uh, he has the yips. 358 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,628 Hasn't been able to hit on a woman all night. 359 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:24,863 He has the yips? 360 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,631 Ooh, that's bad. 361 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:31,569 You know, in germany, we call this. 362 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,071 Whoa, that is bad. 363 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,206 I don't know what's happened to me. 364 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,075 I've, I've totally lost my confidence. 365 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,244 Aw... 366 00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,646 Barney, maybe you have to open up to somebody. 367 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,648 Maybe you have to open up to some... 368 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,885 He just found out that the woman he lost his virginity to 369 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,686 Only did it because his brother bribed her. 370 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,256 Ooh, that's a rough one. 371 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:54,158 I mean, the only thing I can think of 372 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,996 To get rid of 373 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,765 Is you have to go out there. 374 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,001 And you need to find that woman. 375 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,904 And you need to earn it with her for real. 376 00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:09,240 That is the only way how you can find yourself. 377 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,711 I see little hamburgers! 378 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:16,014 I love little hamburgers. 379 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,849 Auf wiedersehen. 380 00:15:17,851 --> 00:15:18,851 Wow! Yeah. 381 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:21,753 I just made out with heidi klum. 382 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:22,954 What? 383 00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:27,292 Ted, just... Okay? 384 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,563 Come in. 385 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,698 Hi, rhonda. 386 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,601 Hi, kiddo. Surprised to see you here. 387 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:42,273 So, hey, uh, maybe how about sex? 388 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,708 Let's sex. 389 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,611 What are you talking about? I'm watching wheel of fortune. 390 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,747 You can keep watching. I'll face you toward the tv. 391 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,449 That's a cute idea, kid. 392 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,250 Great. 393 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:54,419 No, I'm not having sex with you. 394 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,620 Sit down a minute. 395 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,056 I'm not the man maker anymore. 396 00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,624 You know what? 397 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,459 About five years ago, 398 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,562 I realized there was an emptiness inside of me 399 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:07,165 That no amount of meaningless sex could fill. 400 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,933 I needed something more. 401 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:13,471 And that's when I discovered indian casinos. 402 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,242 Hey, barney, 403 00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,411 It's weird not seeing you in a suit. What's going on? 404 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:24,415 Uh, not much. My entire sexual history 405 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:28,119 Was built on a rotting foundation of lies. 406 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:32,590 My whole identity is lost in a pit of menthol ashes. 407 00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,325 Work is good. 408 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:41,265 I'm never going back to that gym again. 409 00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,135 Today at work, I had to have an intern 410 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:47,438 Rip up my bagel and put little pieces in my mouth. 411 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:49,807 Yeah, I'm done there, too. 412 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,142 That place is horrible. 413 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,711 What about your big muscular trainer 414 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,947 Who's so into stretching you out? 415 00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:57,615 Yeah, well, turns out 416 00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:02,186 That guy had no affiliation with the gym whatsoever. 417 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,622 Come on, guys, don't give up on the gym. 418 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,124 It's been great for us. 419 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,961 Like today, robin and I had a really nice moment. 420 00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:13,598 Oh, god! Oh... Yahhh! 421 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:26,577 Robin, hey, I just wanted 422 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,746 To come over and thank you. 423 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,314 Thank me for what? 424 00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:33,551 Well, you know how it's hard for exes to be friends 425 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,421 Because there's this lingering sexual tension between them? 426 00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:39,390 Gone. Thank you. 427 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,262 You know, for all the crap you've given me, 428 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,930 I haven't seen you work up a sweat there once. 429 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,365 It's not true. I was there today. 430 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,900 Yeah, but didn't you leave early? 431 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:58,109 Oh, great. 432 00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:01,412 Now I got to go home and charge this. 433 00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:03,781 Wait a minute. 434 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,017 You didn't work out Tuesday either. 435 00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,653 Brought the wrong shorts. 436 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:13,357 Yeah, and you totally disappeared on Monday, too. 437 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,194 No, I was at the gym the whole time. 438 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:20,598 Ooh! Oh, I love this gym. 439 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:25,069 Lily, help me bend down these three fingers. 440 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,538 Actually, I have an idea. 441 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:31,075 Do it! Come on! Do it, you worthless piece of crap! 442 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,244 Please! Please, I just want to go home. 443 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,379 Come on. This is your last set! 444 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:39,450 You said that last time! 445 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:43,454 Gone. 446 00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:50,895 Hey. 447 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,396 Rhonda. 448 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,665 I saw your friend ted at the gym. 449 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:59,070 After he puked and cleared the line at the smoothie bar, 450 00:18:59,072 --> 00:19:02,140 He said you were kinda having a tough time. 451 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:06,811 Did you change your mind about having love, making sex, 452 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,813 Penis vagina? 453 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,081 What is the matter with me? 454 00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:11,149 Oh, honey... 455 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,283 I just, I don't get it. 456 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,985 You slept with so many guys. 457 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,353 You slept with my brother. 458 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,255 We are practically the same person. 459 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,524 Was I really so bad? 460 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:22,527 Nobody's good the first time. 461 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:26,797 But I was. At least I thought I was. 462 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:31,502 Oh, barney, you know... Sex isn't everything. 463 00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:34,672 When is the last time you had a conversation 464 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,394 With a woman with no intention of scoring with her? 465 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,113 I sat next to former secretary of state 466 00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:44,715 Madeleine albright at a benefit once. 467 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:48,119 I certainly didn't intend to hit that. 468 00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:51,289 Yeah, well, I tell you what. 469 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:54,125 Sleeping with me again isn't gonna solve anything. 470 00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:57,361 I don't know what else is. 471 00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:00,898 I think I know. 472 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,501 Do you have any kings? 473 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,002 No, go fish. 474 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:08,472 See, barney, isn't it nice to just sit 475 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,909 And have a evening with a woman, no agenda? 476 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:14,779 Just make nice conversation? 477 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:17,481 No. 478 00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:19,317 Yeah, kinda sucks, doesn't it? 479 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:25,823 Oh, my god, barney, you really did just rock my world. 480 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,992 That was amazing. 481 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,493 And I'm not lying. 482 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,862 I know you're not lying, baby. 483 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,331 And it was good for you? 484 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:37,068 It was the best sex I've ever had. 485 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,804 Later. 486 00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:44,942 Daddy's back. 487 00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:50,348 Hey, buddy, how's it going? 488 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,682 Hey. Pretty good. 489 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:52,950 Pretty good. Ooh! 490 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:57,588 I can move my legs now and I can lift my arms this high. 491 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,623 Oh! Oh! 492 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:01,359 Yeah, you know, I feel like I have more energy. 493 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:04,462 Yeah, it was hard at first, but now if I go a day 494 00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,864 Without working out, I miss it. 495 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,199 I'm proud of us, guys. 496 00:21:08,201 --> 00:21:09,200 The first week is the hardest. 497 00:21:09,202 --> 00:21:10,801 We're over the hump. 498 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,703 Joining that gym was the best decision we ever made. 499 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,640 And we never went back to the gym again.