1 00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:03,335 Oh, my god! 2 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,837 I have a tattoo. 3 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:06,372 Oh, that's not a tattoo. 4 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,674 That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp. 5 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,776 A tramp stamp. 6 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,945 Ted: Kids, too often in life, 7 00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:16,215 We make decisions that we're not prepared to live with. 8 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,685 This is a story about those decisions, 9 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,888 And the consequences that follow. 10 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:25,024 Say good-bye, kids, 11 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,493 'cause it won't be around much longer. 12 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,194 Oh, but, ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, 13 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,662 How's everyone gonna know 14 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,464 You're a stripper from reno with daddy issues? 15 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,067 Yes, yes, enjoy these 16 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,902 Final moments of mockery 17 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:40,172 Because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions, 18 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,474 Stella is gonna zap that butterfly 19 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,043 Right off the face of my lower back. 20 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,744 Stella? Dr. Stella zinman. 21 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,312 She's the best in the business. 22 00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:48,881 And she's rather cute. 23 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,517 In fact... We're going to a movie together tonight. 24 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:52,084 What? 25 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,585 I asked her out. 26 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,254 Oy. Oh. Ted, why would you do that? 27 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,822 What's the matter with you? What? 28 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:57,923 What do you mean? Dude... 29 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,025 Don't poop where you eat. 30 00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,528 Oh, no, this doesn't count. 31 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,163 If it's someone you see on a regular basis, 32 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,731 And you can't avoid them... 33 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,765 And in this case, you're paying them... 34 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:07,900 Then yes, it counts. 35 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,068 Ted, 36 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,569 You've heard of the golden rule, right? 37 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,870 "Love thy neighbor?" 38 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,539 Uh, actually, it's "do unto others" 39 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:14,840 As you would have them do unto you." 40 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,608 It's from the bible. 41 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,044 Damn it, ted, I've worked out this whole thing 42 00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,712 Where the golden rule is "love thy neighbor," 43 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,414 So just... Okay? 44 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,951 Now, the golden rule is "love thy neighbor." 45 00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:28,253 But there's one rule above it: 46 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,089 The platinum rule: Mmm. 47 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:34,960 "Never ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor." 48 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,795 Well, that's cute. 49 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,597 But she's not my neighbor; she's my doctor. 50 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,099 So if you'll excuse me... Wait, ted, 51 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:40,799 Barney has a point. 52 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,134 Remember what happened 53 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,702 With me and curt down at the station? 54 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:44,870 Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us 55 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:45,571 And the gerards across the hall? 56 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,705 Need I remind you 57 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,307 About me and wendy the waitress? 58 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,309 Yeah, I don't have time for this. 59 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:52,111 I'm out the door as soon as I'm finished with my hair. 60 00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:54,079 Good, then we've got a solid half hour. 61 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,115 And in that time, 62 00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,282 We will convince you 63 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,418 Not to set foot out that door. 64 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,954 It's a story older than time, my friend, 65 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:04,756 And it always plays out in the same eight steps. 66 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,825 Step 1: Attraction. 67 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,428 No, that's not possible. It's true. 68 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:10,796 That's not even possible. 69 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:11,630 12 of them. There's no way. 70 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,232 Hi, barney. Hey. 71 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,433 Here's your gin and tonic. Thanks. 72 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,634 Oh, gosh. 73 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,369 Look at that. 74 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,175 Oh, hi! 75 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,810 Hi. You must be our new neighbors. 76 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,145 I'm michael. And I'm laura. 77 00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,013 Oh, hi, welcome to the building. Yeah. 78 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,315 Do you guys know any good brunch places around here? 79 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,484 We love brunch! 80 00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,489 You must be robin. 81 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,657 Mmm. 82 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,958 Yeah. 83 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,627 Curt "the iron man" irons. 84 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:42,828 I'm gonna be doing sports. 85 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,297 Oh. Welcome. 86 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,465 You look really familiar. 87 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,799 Are you a former athlete? 88 00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,001 Hockey. 89 00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:51,136 The attraction is 90 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,871 Instant and undeniable. 91 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,473 But you know better. 92 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,475 You've seen your friends make the same mistakes 93 00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,276 Before. 94 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,144 You've laughed smugly at them. 95 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,146 Idiots. 96 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:04,383 But still, you think, "this is different. 97 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,785 The platinum rule doesn't apply to me." 98 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,987 And that's step 2. 99 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,022 Bargaining. 100 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,224 I think I've got 101 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,326 A little crush on our sports guy. No. 102 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,627 No, don't do it. No, no, no, no. 103 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,895 I know, I know. 104 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,131 But he used to play hockey, and I'm a canadian. 105 00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:20,465 I can't help it. 106 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,000 If he were missing some teeth, 107 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,635 I probably would've already hit that. 108 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,904 Robin, it's a mistake. 109 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,806 Remember what happened with me and marshall? 110 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,641 The gerards across the hall? 111 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,976 Michael and laura. 112 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,344 They're awesome! 113 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,079 We're gonna invite them over for dinner. 114 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,414 No! No! Really? Are you insane? 115 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,348 Guys, guys, guys, 116 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,849 This is new york city. 117 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,418 You don't get close to the neighbors. 118 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,486 You nod at them politely in the hall. 119 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,555 You call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while 120 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,191 And you smell something funny, and that is it. 121 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,759 We're not gonna date them. 122 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,061 We're just gonna be friends with them. 123 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:50,596 That's the couples version of dating. 124 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,198 And you've got the couples version of the hots for them. 125 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,333 Oh, yeah, 126 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,101 You want to eat brunch with them. 127 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,537 You want to browse at pottery barn with them. 128 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,872 You want to go antiquing with them, don't you? 129 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,407 Oh, yeah, 130 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,843 You want to antique the crap out of them. 131 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,245 Need I remind you 132 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:09,448 What happened with me and wendy the waitress? 133 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:12,017 I've decided to seduce wendy the waitress. 134 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:12,951 No! 135 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,019 Don't do it! Request denied! 136 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,854 What rule is there 137 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,889 That says I can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar? 138 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,392 I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already. 139 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,094 Yeah, with some sort of catchy name. 140 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,528 Well, I don't. 141 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,564 I don't have one and I never will 142 00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,932 Because it's a great idea. 143 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,033 Come on, guys. 144 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,901 She's gullible. I'm bored. 145 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,103 We're perfect for each other. 146 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,105 Ted: Barney. 147 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,805 We love this bar. 148 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,474 If you screw over wendy the waitress, 149 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,276 You're going to kill the bar. 150 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,711 Bar-killer. Don't kill the bar, dude. 151 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:43,448 Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. 152 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,784 And it was a huge mistake. 153 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,987 Yeah, well, I think it'll be okay. 154 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,323 And it was a huge mistake. 155 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:55,227 Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. 156 00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:57,829 And it was a huge mistake. 157 00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,332 Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. 158 00:05:00,356 --> 00:05:08,356 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 159 00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:18,150 Ted, trust me. 160 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,618 You don't want to do this. 161 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,453 Look, stella and I are both adults. 162 00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,355 We're both smart, mature people 163 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,856 Capable of making good decisions. 164 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,993 You have a butterfly tramp stamp. 165 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,128 We're just seeing a movie. 166 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,130 If it seems at all weird, I'll back off. 167 00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,965 That's what everyone thinks. 168 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,934 And then along comes step 3: 169 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,536 Submission. 170 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,438 Night. 171 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,173 Hey, barney. 172 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,975 Carl had to take off. You mind giving me a hand? 173 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,712 Not at all. 174 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,815 Robin. Mmm? 175 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,149 I got two tickets to the rangers. 176 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,317 Center ice. 177 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:53,452 Want to go? 178 00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,656 And then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes. 179 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,624 We don't have a single pot or pan. 180 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,126 Guess we're ordering take-out. 181 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:04,863 Want to have dinner with us tonight? 182 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,470 ♪ 183 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:21,413 ♪ 184 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,822 I love them. Me, too. 185 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,431 Wow. 186 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:42,834 That was an interesting use of the beverage gun. 187 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,936 Club soda can get anything off. 188 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,906 It finally happened. 189 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,908 All this time, 190 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,043 Every drink I brought you... 191 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:55,247 I always felt there was this unspoken connection between us. 192 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,249 And I was right. 193 00:06:57,251 --> 00:07:01,086 Hey, can I get a gin and tonic? 194 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,021 See, I bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic. 195 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:06,024 Oh, I paid for it. 196 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,726 But you got to admit, there is an upside 197 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,227 To breaking the platinum rule. 198 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,262 Like maybe, as her boyfriend, 199 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:11,863 I could get a discount on treatments. 200 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,031 Oh, ted. 201 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,733 Of course there's an upside. 202 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:15,600 At first. 203 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,768 That's step 4. 204 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,136 Perks. 205 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,038 We can split a cab to work together. 206 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,641 We always have a standing lunch date. 207 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,209 And last night, at the hockey game, 208 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,877 Curt got us into the locker room, 209 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,647 And I met mason raymond. 210 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:31,129 Left wing for the vancouver canucks. 211 00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:33,885 What's the opposite of name-dropping? 212 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,787 Damn it, you guys. 213 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,822 Be psyched. 214 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,323 Yes, we see each other every day, 215 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,991 But I think it's going really well. 216 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,093 That's what we thought. 217 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,462 And it's so convenient. 218 00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:44,996 They're right across the hall. 219 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,898 Say it's Sunday, 220 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:49,134 And we want to have a brunch double date with someone? 221 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,102 We just go across the hall. 222 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,971 And say we want to have a dinner party 223 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,773 Exploring the wine and cuisine 224 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,141 Of France's loire valley? 225 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,909 We just go across the hall. 226 00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,412 Say we want to play a game of charades... 227 00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,768 You just go across the hall? 228 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,326 Come on, people. Get excited for us. 229 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,361 We've got a great thing going here. 230 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:18,330 That's what I thought. 231 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,465 Dude, you got to flick it. You don't... 232 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,833 Hi, sweetie. 233 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,903 I had the kitchen whip these up, no charge. 234 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,939 Okay. 235 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,774 Bye. 236 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,043 I mean, not bye. I'm not leaving. 237 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,145 I'll be over there. 238 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,281 Okay. 239 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,786 Come on, guys. Free nachos. 240 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:44,289 What? 241 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,157 We like this bar. 242 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,792 Don't kill the bar, dude. 243 00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:48,727 Nay, we love this bar. Don't kill the bar, dude. 244 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,395 This bar is like home to us. 245 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,531 Don't kill the bar, dude. You're killing the bar. 246 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,466 I am not killing the bar. 247 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,700 Wendy the waitress 248 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,069 Has seen how I operate in this place. 249 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,071 It is perfectly clear 250 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,672 To everyone involved 251 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,575 That this is nothing more than a temporary fling. 252 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,482 It's fine. 253 00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,017 But it wasn't. 254 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,219 It's fine. 255 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,854 But it wasn't. 256 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,889 It's fine. 257 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,492 But it wasn't. 258 00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,093 Which brings us to step 5: 259 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,930 But he should be back on the mound 260 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,364 By spring training. 261 00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,666 And that's sports. 262 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,000 Back to you, robin. 263 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,235 Thanks, iron man. 264 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,336 We'll be right back. 265 00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,004 Man: And clear. 266 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,006 So you want to do something later? 267 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,442 Oh, so you're talking to me now? 268 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:39,511 What are you talking about? 269 00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:42,047 I'm talking about last night. 270 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:43,915 You said you'd call and you didn't. 271 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,451 I missed you and I waited up, but you didn't call. 272 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,420 That really hurt. 273 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,021 Oh. 274 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:53,291 Um, I'm sorry, I-I guess I just forgot. 275 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,527 I'm sorry, sweetie. 276 00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,529 I don't want to fight tonight. 277 00:09:57,531 --> 00:09:59,864 It's our first weekiversary. 278 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,568 On my suggestion, you flip it. 279 00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:05,637 Why would you flip it? It doesn't... 280 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:08,540 Hey, wendy, uh, do me a favor 281 00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:10,108 And send a glass of champagne 282 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:10,976 To that pretty young thing over there. 283 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,210 What? 284 00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:17,115 Over there. 285 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,817 You. 286 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,653 You're the pretty young thing... 287 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,955 Is what I meant. 288 00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:27,258 Champagne? Would you? On me. 289 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,660 Oh. Okay. 290 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,462 Thanks, sweetie. 291 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,330 Okay. 292 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,633 All right. 293 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,804 Hey, neighbors. 294 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,407 We bought all the fixings for a mexican fiesta. 295 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:43,508 Oh. 296 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,244 Um, well, we actually have tickets... 297 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,079 And no fiesta would be complete without... 298 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,247 Dude, actually, we made other plans, so... 299 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,849 Okay. One word. 300 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,651 Two syllables. Sounds like... 301 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,688 "parade." charades. 302 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:57,622 Charades. 303 00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,090 What do you say? 304 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:12,671 Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. 305 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,108 Which brings us to step 6. 306 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,877 Yeah, listen, I'm leaving. 307 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,045 So if you want to write the rest of these down, 308 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,946 I will read it tomorrow. 309 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,348 Don't do this, ted. 310 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,716 You want to get out of the way? 311 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,284 Don't do this, ted. All right. 312 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,719 Don't. 313 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,354 Dude! Gah! 314 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,488 It was perfect! 315 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,223 You're such a jerk. 316 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,826 Which brings us to step 6. 317 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,828 You finally realize you've made a huge mistake 318 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,530 And now you have to live with it. 319 00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:41,066 Step 6 is called purg... Wait for it. 320 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,368 Keep waiting... 321 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,036 Keep waiting for all of eternity 322 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,672 Only to discover there's no escape... atory. 323 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,874 God, I'm such 324 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,209 An idiot. 325 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,711 Yeah. 326 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,647 Curt "the iron man" irons 327 00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:57,882 Keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. 328 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,918 On the teleprompter, on my desk, 329 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,720 On the coffee-maker, 330 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:05,256 On the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker. 331 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,559 "Here's some sugar for my sugar." 332 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:08,927 The iron man. 333 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,565 I remember that. 334 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,233 God, we are such idiots. 335 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,601 Yup. 336 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,236 Every time we step out the door, 337 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,004 They're out there waiting for us. 338 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:23,007 Sometimes, we'll send ted out first as a scout. 339 00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,442 Nobody's there. 340 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:28,012 Then we'll go out one second later, and there they are. 341 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,547 It's freakin' supernatural. 342 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,249 Are they ghosts? Can only we see them? 343 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,218 "Hey, neighbor." "hey, neighbor." "hey, neighbor." 344 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,622 Hmm, I remember that. 345 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,924 How could you guys let me date wendy the waitress? 346 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,926 Oh, you are kidding me. What?! 347 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,128 Don't kill the bar, dude. We said, "don't do it." 348 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,440 My own bar. 349 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,910 I can't hit on women in my own bar. 350 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,378 Remember the old barney? 351 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,947 He was a lion, the king of the jungle, 352 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,450 Stalking whatever prey he chose, 353 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,052 Going in for the kill. 354 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,554 You've got a whole meat locker at home 355 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,422 Full of corpses, don't you? 356 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,490 Now look at me. 357 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,325 Declawed. Neutered. 358 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,960 What was once 359 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,062 My jungle is now my zoo. 360 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,966 And I am forced to mate with the same old lioness 361 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,836 Again and again and again, 362 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,938 While families pay to watch. 363 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:30,108 Yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart. 364 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:34,846 Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly, kids, 365 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:39,217 For I am just a docile housecat now. 366 00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:42,420 Meow. 367 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,789 Well, we love this bar. 368 00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:45,957 You can't dump her. 369 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,525 Marry her if you have to. 370 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:50,628 Wendy the waitress-hyphen-stinson. 371 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,564 Don't kill the bar, dude. 372 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:59,103 And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing 373 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:00,505 You've been dreading all along. 374 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,273 Now, a relationship-ectomy 375 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,843 Is a delicate surgery as it is, 376 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,845 But in the case of the platinum rule, 377 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:10,849 It takes a very, very steady hand, and that's... 378 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:14,018 Step 7: Confrontation. 379 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:20,892 Curt, we need to talk. 380 00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,294 I like you... 381 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,129 Guys, we like you a lot... 382 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,865 I don't like you. 383 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:30,635 We're pretending this works, but it doesn't. 384 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:33,204 And I'm getting a little sick of the whole charade. 385 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,173 We're getting a little sick of charades. 386 00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:37,542 I mean, I don't like you that way. 387 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,010 I used to like you that way. 388 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,245 But now that I've seen everything 389 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,046 There is to see, I don't know, 390 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,915 I kind of want to see those same parts 391 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,217 Just... On other girls. 392 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:50,555 So maybe, we could go back to just being coworkers. 393 00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:54,237 Maybe we should just go back to being neighbors. 394 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,094 Other girls and you, 395 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,595 If you're into that. 396 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,931 But the other girls have to be there, too. 397 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,400 That's the important part. 398 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,603 Gosh, you're just terrified 399 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,106 Of ever getting close to anyone, aren't you? 400 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,774 Or that. 401 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,576 Let's say it's that. 402 00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,579 So can I get a gin and tonic? 403 00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,515 And in any other relationship, 404 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,616 That would be it. 405 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,084 End of story. 406 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,120 But because you have to see this person again, 407 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:25,089 There's a step 8: Fallout. 408 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,791 Robin: And now, here's 409 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,928 Curt "the iron man" irons with sports. 410 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:32,096 Curt? 411 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,934 Curt? 412 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:43,808 Well, the knicks lost. 413 00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,610 It's sad, really. 414 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,645 They had a real shot. 415 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:51,649 Then, out of nowhere, game over. 416 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,052 And why? 417 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,486 Why, robin? 418 00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:58,756 Uh, well, their perimeter shooting 419 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,059 Has been a little bit off this season... 420 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,927 The knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt. 421 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,896 So they didn't even try. 422 00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:06,564 Well, you know what I think? 423 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,899 I think 424 00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:11,002 The knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with. 425 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,404 The knicks suck. 426 00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:21,412 And that's sports. 427 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,014 Lily: Do you see anything? 428 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,415 Marshall: I think we're clear. 429 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,883 Okay, go, go, go! 430 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,593 That was close. 431 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:36,595 Too close. 432 00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,497 You've got to be kidding me. 433 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,631 What do we do? 434 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,300 I have no idea. 435 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,336 Ted: Guys, are you there? 436 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,205 I forgot my keys. Can you open up? 437 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,773 It's just ted. 438 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,908 Wait! 439 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,344 Hello? 440 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,712 Guys? 441 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:05,790 Baby, we only have one choice. 442 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,692 Okay, hurry! Michael and laura are probably... 443 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,362 Hey, neighbors. 444 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,197 Yeah. 445 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:16,834 Barney, I just want you to know, I have no hard feelings. 446 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,403 It wasn't the best idea 447 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,871 For us to get involved. 448 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,739 I hope we can still be friends. 449 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,307 Thanks, wendy. 450 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:24,575 Of course we can. 451 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,537 If you need anything else, let me know. 452 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,247 Wow. 453 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,882 I've got to hand it to wendy the waitress: 454 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,150 That was very mature of her. 455 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,052 She's gonna try to kill me. 456 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:36,687 This is poisoned. 457 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,222 What? You're being ridiculous. 458 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,857 Yours is poisoned, too. 459 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,259 She's trying to kill me and everyone close to me. 460 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,194 What are you talking about? Ted! 461 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,063 Look at the facts: I dump her 462 00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,945 And she says, "no hard feelings." 463 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,167 She's a psycho! 464 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,069 What other explanation is there? 465 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,337 Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy 466 00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,540 So you don't have to face the far more likely possibility 467 00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,582 That she doesn't want to date you either? 468 00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:01,079 Where did marshall get that hamburger? 469 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:02,346 I don't know, I guess 470 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,415 Wendy the waitress brought it to him. 471 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,584 Nooooooo! 472 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,792 Dude. 473 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,961 You're welcome. 474 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,129 Wait a second. 475 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,931 You've been sitting here, 476 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,867 Pretending to be the expert on all this, 477 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,069 But the truth is, there was no real fallout 478 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,270 From your breakup at all? 479 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,805 Yet. 480 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,307 You're an idiot. 481 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,075 All right, I'm taking off. 482 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,111 What?! I have a date. 483 00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:37,648 Wha...? You are such a jerk! 484 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,218 Ted, have you not been listening? 485 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,553 Attraction, bargaining, submission, 486 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:43,921 Perks, tipping point, 487 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,790 Purgatory, confrontation, fallout! 488 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,625 These things will all happen to you 489 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,893 As surely as they happened to all of us! 490 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,495 It's a rule of nature! 491 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,263 Well, I'm sick of all the rules! 492 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,598 There's too many of them! 493 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,266 The hot/crazy scale, the lemon law, 494 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,334 The platinum rule... 495 00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,668 If everyone in the world 496 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,303 Followed every one of your rules, 497 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,339 The human race would cease to exist. 498 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:04,609 Yes, chances are stella and I are not 499 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,477 Going to live happily ever after. 500 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,479 The overwhelming odds have it ending badly. 501 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,014 And when that happens, 502 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,316 It'll be for one of a million possible reasons. 503 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,018 But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna try. 504 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,686 And when it does fail, 505 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:19,657 So help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule. 506 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:23,094 P.S. 507 00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:26,164 You just made my hair look awesome. 508 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,532 Good night. 509 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:30,168 ♪ 510 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,370 So stella and I went on our date. 511 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,871 But here's the funny thing: 512 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,174 Turns out, it wasn't actually a date. 513 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,277 So what do you mean "it wasn't a date"? 514 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:41,679 She thought we were seeing a movie just as friends. 515 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,181 Why would she think that? 516 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,716 Did she see your tattoo and assume you were gay? 517 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,819 Apparently, there's a rule that says I can't date stella. 518 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,055 Exactly: The platinum rule. 519 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,857 Stella reads my blog. 520 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,459 No, this rule comes from the american medical association. 521 00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:57,795 Doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients. 522 00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,497 Oh, sorry, ted. 523 00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:00,565 Eh, it's okay. 524 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,134 What are you guys watching? 525 00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:05,169 So that was the end of the story 526 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,905 Between me and stella, at least for the time being. 527 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,741 But I don't know, looking back on the platinum rule, 528 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,310 I think there's a ninth step. 529 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:14,212 We'll call it coexistence. 530 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,581 It's the moment you realize that all that anger 531 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,416 And resentment just isn't useful. 532 00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,984 Thanks for watching. 533 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,853 Good night. ♪ 534 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,855 And you start to let go of it. 535 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,557 Hey, guys. 536 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,759 So what do you guys have going on tonight? 537 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,428 We're going to have a few friends over. 538 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,029 Gonna play some charades. 539 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,497 Have fun. 540 00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:37,068 ♪ 541 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,836 And move on with your life. 542 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,538 It just takes a while. 543 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,340 On the house. 544 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,774 Thanks. 545 00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:50,147 Cuckoo!