1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,036 Ted: Kids, I never would have met your mother 2 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,437 Without a little luck. 3 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,672 Specifically, the luck of the irish. 4 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,307 St. Patrick's day. 5 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,476 The one day of the year when every young person 6 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,344 In new york goes out and gets crazy. 7 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,779 Really crazy. 8 00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:17,016 Okay, maybe not that crazy. 9 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,318 But by 2008, we'd all had enough. 10 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,819 Well, most of us. 11 00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:25,290 Who wants to kiss the barney stone? 12 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:26,692 Oh, look, it's the riddler. 13 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,027 That's not the riddler. That's gumby. 14 00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:30,496 Hey, gumby, can we tie you in a knot later? 15 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,632 Hey, nba player sidelined by a knee injury? 16 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,868 All right, laugh all you want, 17 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,003 But this is my lucky st. Patty's day suit. 18 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:42,207 Yup, I have dry-cleaned many a stain off of this baby. 19 00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:44,710 You know why it's lucky? 20 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,646 'Cause it's green, the color of go, as in let's. 21 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,248 Uh, barney, we, uh... 22 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,816 We talked this over, and, uh, 23 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:52,818 We're not doing st. Patty's day this year. 24 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,854 Come on. Let's... 25 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,923 Are you s... 26 00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:58,891 Oh! 27 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,226 Wow. Okay. 28 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,594 I think I got to lie down. 29 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,930 Can we shoot pool on you? 30 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,331 No! No! 31 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,499 Unacceptable! 32 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,501 That's so not raven! 33 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,103 What are you gonna do instead? 34 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,337 Marshall: We just got 35 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,705 The keys to our new apartment, 36 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:14,940 So we're gonna go over there 37 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,508 And hang up that painting, have board game night. 38 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,376 You're welcome to join us if you want. 39 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:19,678 Board game night?! 40 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,413 Board game night. 41 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,515 Come on! 42 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,285 Let's drink green beer. Let's do green jell-o shots! 43 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,954 Where's your st. Patty's day spirit?! 44 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,255 We're drinking green tea. 45 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,357 With caffeine. 46 00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:34,193 Sorry, peter. We're grown-ups now. 47 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,428 We can't fly off to neverland with you anymore. 48 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,964 All right, fine. 49 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,432 You know what? 50 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,534 I'll celebrate st. Patty's day by myself. 51 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:44,369 I don't need you people. 52 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,439 You make me physically ill. 53 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,441 He did look a little green. 54 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,248 Hello? 55 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,449 Hey, happy st. Patty's day! 56 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,784 How are you? 57 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,586 Yeah, I haven't talked to you forever. 58 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:03,055 Who is it? It's ted's butt. 59 00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:05,657 Ah, damn it! 60 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,292 My phone keeps pocket-dialing! 61 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,961 That's, like, the eighth time today. 62 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,829 In fairness, I did call ted's butt 63 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,664 At, like, 2:00 this afternoon. 64 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,300 It took long enough to call you back. Yeah. 65 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,071 Barney, where are you? 66 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,572 In a cab, heading downtown 67 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,741 With our hot and sexy dates for the evening. 68 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:26,411 Yes, it happens that fast! 69 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,813 We're going to that club low point, 70 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,181 And you're coming with us. 71 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,682 Barney, for the last time... 72 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,818 All right, I didn't want to tell you this 73 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,487 In front of marshall and lily because they're old and married, 74 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,256 And it's too late for them, anyway, 75 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:40,659 But, ted, the world is going to come to an end tonight. 76 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,128 Yes. Think about it. 77 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,863 End of the world, nostradamus. 78 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,031 Notre dame. 79 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,000 Fighting irish. Irish. 80 00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:49,268 St. Patrick's day. 81 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,502 This is it, bro. 82 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,938 Bro-pacalypse now. 83 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,373 Bromageddon. 84 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:55,674 Ted, 85 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,142 You are young, you're single. 86 00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:59,011 You'll have so much more fun with me. 87 00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:02,014 Do you really want to spend your last night on earth 88 00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,216 Playing board games with marshall and lily? 89 00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,020 My hands smell weird. 90 00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,054 Smell this. 91 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,657 Yeah, they do. That's new. 92 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,459 I'll be there in five minutes. 93 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,627 Yes! 94 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,895 All right! 95 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,231 He's in! Ted's a great guy. 96 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,899 Y... 97 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,069 You're gonna love him. 98 00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,640 Ted: So on March 17, 2008, 99 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,876 I went to a big st. Patrick's day party. 100 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,878 And it's a good thing I did, 101 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,746 Because, funny story: 102 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,648 Your mother was there. 103 00:03:36,672 --> 00:03:44,672 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 104 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,201 Hey. Hi. 105 00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,569 Have you met ted? 106 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,837 Hi. I'm mary. 107 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,539 Hi. Happy st. Patty's day. 108 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,241 I haven't met ted, either. 109 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,109 I'm stephanie. Hi. 110 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,877 Dude, back off. 111 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,112 I called dibs on stephanie. 112 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,547 Okay. Mary's hot. 113 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:11,350 Well, then I want mary. 114 00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,118 Fine. 115 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,586 Oh, I see. 116 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,121 Reverse psychology. 117 00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:19,358 Then I'm sticking with stephanie, dr. Freud. 118 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,392 Okay. 119 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,893 Which one do you want more? 120 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,562 Either one. I want them both. 121 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,230 You're an idiot, and it may be a moot point. 122 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,266 I mean, it doesn't look like we're getting in. 123 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,433 Look at this. 124 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,868 You know why there's a line? 125 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,870 It's because I ditched marshall and lily, 126 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:35,140 And now the universe is punishing us for it, that's why. 127 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,345 Yeah. 128 00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:44,216 What's it gonna cost us to get in, $20? 129 00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:47,953 Dude, come on, you're making the wee folk look bad. 130 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,289 Just give him your pot o' gold. 131 00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,891 Is it just you two? Don't worry. We're not gonna blow your ratio. 132 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,960 We happen to have two very hot girls with us. 133 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,629 Mine's the hotter one. 134 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,298 Sorry, guys. Look, if it was just you two, 135 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,799 You could go in right now. 136 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,134 We got nothing but girls in there. 137 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:04,269 People are gonna start thinking it's a lesbian bar. 138 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:08,073 Would you excuse us for just a minute? 139 00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,311 Ted, I'm gonna be honest. 140 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,413 I was full of it with that whole nostradamus thing. 141 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,580 No. 142 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,249 But I am starting to think there is 143 00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,985 Some serious planetary crap going on here tonight. 144 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,988 Never in the history of new york city nightclubs 145 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,157 Has there been a shortage of dudes, 146 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:28,026 Not even during the great dude shortage of 1883. 147 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,761 We got to ditch these girls. 148 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,531 But you dragged them all the way down here. 149 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,834 I don't see no ring on this finger. 150 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,269 All right, hold on. 151 00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:38,370 Uh, excuse me? 152 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,472 Are the girls in there hotter than our dates? 153 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,341 I don't know if they're hotter, 154 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,642 But they're drunker. 155 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,744 Rock 'n' roll. 156 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:51,383 Welcome to your new dream home, my lady. 157 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:54,820 All right, all right. 158 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,355 You can put me down. 159 00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,389 Robin thinks we're weird. 160 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,523 No, it's fine. 161 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,926 It was only weird on the subway. 162 00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:04,229 Oh. I'm gonna check the other rooms 163 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:07,032 To see if the previous owners left us any free stuff. 164 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,701 I'm gonna hang our first piece of art. 165 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,236 Oh, look, there's already a nail. 166 00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,537 Hey, lil, free nail! 167 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,940 Lily: Score! 168 00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,210 How's that? 169 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,978 Perfect. 170 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,214 Whoops. 171 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,223 Oh, now this is ridiculous. 172 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,058 Is it the nail? 173 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,560 Marshall? Is the wall slippery or something? 174 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,397 Marshall. Is there a wind? Is there some sort of draft in here? 175 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:39,865 Marshall! What? 176 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,200 Your apartment's crooked. 177 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,969 What do you mean? 178 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,574 Ted: It was the kind of thing 179 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,743 You didn't notice until you noticed it. 180 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,246 But once you did notice it, you couldn't not notice it. 181 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,115 Lily and marshall's new apartment was crooked. 182 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,751 Oh, no! 183 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,020 Oh, no, no, no! 184 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,622 No! 185 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,257 Oh, no, no. Oh, no. 186 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,259 Yes. Are you telling me that we just spent 187 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,528 Our entire life savings and then some 188 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,929 On-on a crooked apartment? 189 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,063 Lily: Oh, my god! 190 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,565 No, she's gonna flip. 191 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,100 Just calm down. It's gonna be fine. 192 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,202 Look what I found in the kids' room! 193 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,737 Free skateboard. Score! 194 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:19,938 Free hungry hungry hippos. 195 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,106 Double score! 196 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,707 I'm gonna check the kitchen! 197 00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,309 Okay. How could she not notice this? 198 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,579 It's like the last 20 minutes of titanic in here. 199 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,147 We have to keep this quiet. 200 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:32,050 If lily finds out her new dream house is crooked, 201 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,819 It's gonna... It's gonna break her heart. 202 00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,754 Free salad strainer! 203 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,756 I love this place. Yay! 204 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,758 Just for tonight, okay? 205 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,760 Okay. 206 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,029 But it's gonna be an uphill battle. 207 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:49,234 I am just saying we have to think of the right angle. 208 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:52,037 I have a third one, but I'm not gonna say it. 209 00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:55,507 Okay, barney, I think we've stumbled 210 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,742 Into some kind of ethical, philosophical wormhole. 211 00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:58,977 Green suit. Yeah. 212 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,679 I ditched marshall and lily, 213 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,481 And was rewarded with two beautiful girls. 214 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:03,748 Suit's made of green. 215 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,584 We bailed on those two beautiful girls, 216 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,487 And now we're being rewarded with a sea of beautiful girls. 217 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:09,654 38 long. 218 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,022 It's like... 219 00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,625 It's like the laws of the universe are working in reverse. 220 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,627 Can you put it on my tab? Yeah. What's the last name? 221 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:17,229 Garrido. 222 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,799 All right, I'm gonna try something, and if this works... 223 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,767 Uh, hey. Hey, what can I get you guys? 224 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,936 A bottle of dom perignon, and can you put it on my tab? 225 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,705 Sure. What's the name? 226 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:27,873 Garrido. Dude! 227 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,040 Oh, uh, yeah, you're right. 228 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,141 Uh, make it two bottles. 229 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,710 Two. 230 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,513 Now we wait, see if something good happens... Oh! Hello! 231 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,281 St. Patrick's day tradition. 232 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,350 If you're not wearing green, you got to get pinched. 233 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:40,185 Well, I guess I got what I deserved. 234 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,020 I'm not wearing green, either. 235 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,456 This is, um, deep teal. 236 00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,691 The lighting makes it... 237 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,693 Uh, I'm ted. 238 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,794 Ashlee with two "e" s. 239 00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:52,330 Please. "c" s at most. 240 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:54,533 You know, you guys should come join me and my friends. 241 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:55,967 We have a bottle of tequila 242 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:59,271 And shockingly deep belly buttons. 243 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,206 Okay, it's official: 244 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,541 Do bad things, good things happen. 245 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:03,675 Shh! 246 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,911 Ted, listen. 247 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,012 Are you hearing that? 248 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,213 That's the universe. 249 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,048 The universe is talking to us. 250 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,917 We don't have to build a baseball field, do we? 251 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,719 No. The universe is telling us 252 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,556 That we have a free pass tonight. 253 00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:18,990 The universe is saying 254 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,560 That we don't have to live in fear of the... 255 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:22,694 Are you still there? 256 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,396 Yeah, I'm here. 257 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,765 Of the repercussions of our actions. 258 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,567 There is no waiting for tomorrow, 259 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,049 Because do you know why, ted? 260 00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:36,408 There is no tomorrow. 261 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:37,742 No tomorrow, huh? 262 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,678 By the way, mr. Garrido, 263 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,747 Second bottle of champagne gets you a complimentary ounce of caviar. 264 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,016 Enjoy. 265 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,287 No tomorrow! 266 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,455 No tomorrow! 267 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,257 All: No tomorrow! 268 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,359 Hey, I wonder what the grown-ups are doing right now. 269 00:09:58,599 --> 00:09:59,898 Oh... 270 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,032 I win again. 271 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,268 Why do I keep winning? 272 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,938 Maybe your hippo is just hungrier hungrier than ours. 273 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,440 That's it. That's what it is. 274 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,874 It's not gravity, that's for sure. 275 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,710 I'll tell you that. 276 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:12,777 Whoa. 277 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,046 What was that? 278 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,186 What's going on here? 279 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,123 Okay, lily... 280 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,326 While you were in the other room, robin and I, 281 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,929 We discovered something about the apartment. 282 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,263 It's not a big deal. 283 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,299 It's not like a disaster. It's just... 284 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:37,369 It's something that we're going to have to learn to live with. 285 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,375 Robin and I saw a ghost. 286 00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:45,644 What? 287 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:46,811 Oh, he's kidding, right? 288 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,648 No, we really saw a ghost. 289 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,170 What did it look like? 290 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,820 Uh, a sheet with two holes in it. 291 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,489 He was a confederate general 292 00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,325 Who was wounded at the battle of antietam, 293 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,826 And he died at the army hospital, 294 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,130 Which once stood on this very spot. 295 00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:07,165 And now he wanders these halls, 296 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,167 Vowing revenge against the union cannonade 297 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,036 That once felled him. 298 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:14,105 But he seems nice. He's a good-good guy. 299 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,974 Marshall, you see ghosts everywhere. 300 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,109 You see ghosts at starbucks. 301 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,213 That kenny g holiday cd just flew off the shelf. 302 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,182 Last time that happened. 303 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,051 But, robin, you're a skeptic, 304 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,787 So if you say you saw a ghost... 305 00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:33,191 It passed right through me, 306 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,761 And suddenly I felt cold, so very cold. 307 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,200 You know, ashlee, I'm sorry. 308 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,202 You're probably just gonna want to get up and walk away, 309 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,904 But I just have to test out this theory 310 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,372 I've been working on. 311 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,842 Tonight, I'm not looking for a relationship. 312 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,544 I really just want to hook up with you, 313 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,979 Leave before breakfast, and never see you again. 314 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,550 I'm in. 315 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,552 Unbelievable. 316 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,723 Hot damn, that's a deep navel. 317 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,324 No tomorrow, ted. 318 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,593 Yeah, no tomorrow, barney. 319 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,361 No tomorrow, huh? 320 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,229 Hmm. 321 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,764 I like that idea. 322 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:15,500 Because if there is a tomorrow, 323 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:18,403 I'm gonna be in a lot of trouble. 324 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,004 Oh, yeah? Why is that? Mm-hmm. 325 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,273 I'm married. 326 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,413 Tell me you're messing with me, guys. 327 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,248 You didn't actually see a ghost. 328 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,250 It's not a big deal, baby. 329 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,119 He seemed friendly. 330 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,754 You said he's a confederate general. 331 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,921 They're the bad guys. 332 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,089 And he's probably racist. 333 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,691 Marshall: No, 334 00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:40,759 He seemed polite. 335 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,961 He had courtly southern manners. 336 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,963 We're gonna raise our kids here. 337 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:47,265 I don't want some confederate general ghost 338 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,134 Teaching them his racism. 339 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,603 He loves people of all colors 340 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,704 And creeds. 341 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,439 He was fighting for states' rights, that's all. 342 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,107 Robin said he was wearing a sheet. 343 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,976 What do you think that means? 344 00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,879 The apartment is crooked. 345 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:01,881 What? 346 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:06,785 Robin and I didn't see a ghost. 347 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,790 The floor is crooked, isn't it? 348 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:14,459 Yeah. 349 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,896 We spent our entire life's savings on this floor. 350 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:21,466 The next 30 mortgage-paying years of our lives 351 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:26,571 Will be spent on this floor, and it's crooked. 352 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,145 Thanks a lot, robin. 353 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:39,818 How is "racist ghost" better than "crooked"? 354 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,821 Seriously, somebody tell me how that's better. 355 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,422 Because... 356 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:47,258 Oh, I'm sorry. 357 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,860 Oh, that's okay. 358 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:51,262 Um, dude, so, I'm having second thoughts about that theory. 359 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,864 I'm telling you, 360 00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,099 If you want to know how old a woman is, check her elbows. 361 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,101 Not that theory. 362 00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,503 You have to be more specific, ted, 363 00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,871 'cause I have so many theories. 364 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,373 The whole do bad, good things happen... Oh. 365 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,509 Ashlee is married. 366 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,344 So? What do you mean, so? 367 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,346 Open your brain tank, brah, 368 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,850 'cause here comes some premium 91 octane knowledge. 369 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,818 There's three rules of cheating: 370 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:16,321 It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married, 371 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:19,357 It's not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels, 372 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,526 And it's not cheating if she's from a different area code. 373 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,528 You're fine on all three counts. 374 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,530 How do you know she's from a different area code? 375 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,498 She's 516. 376 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,334 She might dress like she's 718, 377 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:32,971 Act like she's 212, but trust me, she's 516. 378 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,372 Oh, and her husband... 379 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,407 Letting her out alone on saint patty's day? 380 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:40,278 If that dude's not 973, I'm 307. 381 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,615 Wyoming. 382 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:49,387 We're gonna have to nail down all our furniture. 383 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,222 We won't be able to get a pinball machine. 384 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,258 I mean, unless we put some books 385 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,893 Under two of the legs or something. 386 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,327 But then what if we want to read those books? 387 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,429 This is a nightmare. 388 00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,898 We can't raise our kids here. 389 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,599 They'll grow up slanted. 390 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:05,336 If we have a daughter, we'll have to call her eileen. 391 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,439 I don't think we can live here, marshall. 392 00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:11,042 I don't know what we're gonna do. 393 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,311 Marshall? 394 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,346 Open the door. 395 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,791 If I make it through the door, 396 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,927 That's five points. 397 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,865 Yeah! 398 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,066 Whoo! 399 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,434 Robin: Five points! 400 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,236 Ten bucks says I can do it backwards. 401 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,438 So lily and marshall decided 402 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,573 To make the best of a bad situation. 403 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:45,243 And that's also how the sport of apartment roller luge 404 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,444 Was invented. 405 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,079 Marshall: Be very careful! 406 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,447 Very, very... Oh, yeah! 407 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,250 So she's married? It's not like she has kids. 408 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,217 How do you know? 409 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:54,452 Wrists. 410 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,974 It's like you don't even listen to me. 411 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,823 Whoa. 412 00:15:58,825 --> 00:15:59,991 Oh, hey. Hey. 413 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,292 Hey. Where'd you go? 414 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,393 Well, I just, um... 415 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:03,628 Was it something I said? 416 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,430 No, no, no, it's just, well... 417 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,498 You're married and-and we've been drinking, 418 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,980 And I was worried we might... 419 00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,970 Oh, this is a very bad idea. 420 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:14,105 Uh-uh. 421 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,140 We have a problem. 422 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,876 Hey, hey. Hey. 423 00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,479 Is this your husband? 424 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,147 I've never seen this man in my life. 425 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,282 Oh, okay. 426 00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,650 Uh, what's our problem? 427 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,485 Rick. Rick garrido. 428 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,087 According to the bartender, 429 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,322 I'm the guy that's been buying you champagne all night. 430 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:35,059 Okay, there's-there's a very simple explana... 431 00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,996 Ted: Next thing I know the police show up, 432 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,430 They arrest the other guy, 433 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,099 And I'm drinking for free the rest of the night. 434 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,034 It was awesome. 435 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,204 Awesome, huh? 436 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,338 Yeah. 437 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,507 You don't see anything wrong with that story? 438 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,810 Well, I lost my new phone back at the club somewhere. 439 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,545 What the hell is wrong with you, dude? 440 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,714 You know me, I lose things. 441 00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,649 You kissed a married woman, ted. 442 00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,352 You committed credit card fraud. 443 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,621 You... You kissed a married woman. 444 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,456 Do you know how offensive that is to me? 445 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,058 You're turning into barney. 446 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,660 We don't need another barney. 447 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,529 Look... 448 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,563 It's saint patty's day. 449 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:15,066 It wasn't as bad as it sounds. 450 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:17,168 "It wasn't as bad as it sounds"? 451 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,170 No. Huh? 452 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,404 Okay... 453 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,206 I want you to hear exactly how it sounds, ted. 454 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,475 Recording: First skipped message. 455 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,310 Barney: I don't see no ring on this finger. 456 00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:29,013 And then last night started coming back to me: 457 00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,415 The real version. 458 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,317 Are the girls in there hotter than our dates? 459 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:34,552 I don't know if they're hotter, 460 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,054 But they're drunker. 461 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:39,123 Rock 'n' roll. 462 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,394 How many messages did I...? 463 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,562 Seventeen. 464 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,732 Kids, it's sometimes possible to think 465 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,534 You're doing just fine in life... 466 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,002 Recording: Next message. 467 00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,770 Can you put it on my tab? 468 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,272 Sure, what's the last name? 469 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,107 Garrido. 470 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,342 And then someone opens your eyes a little bit, 471 00:17:58,344 --> 00:17:59,877 And you realize... 472 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:01,345 Recording: Next message. 473 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,114 I really want to hook up with you, 474 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,917 Leave before breakfast, and then never see you again. 475 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:08,453 Your whole world is off balance... 476 00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,088 Recording: Next message. 477 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,456 Out of whack... 478 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,291 Okay, look, brah, 479 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,927 There is a very simple explana... 480 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,029 Crooked. 481 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,699 Wow. 482 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,836 That was hard to listen to. 483 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:29,006 No one likes how they sound on an answering machine. 484 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,176 Thanks for doing that. 485 00:18:34,913 --> 00:18:36,447 You yelled at me. 486 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,616 You got very firm with me. 487 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,284 Very confident. 488 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,953 It was cool. 489 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:45,289 You're very sexy when you yell, marshall. 490 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,491 Shut up. 491 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:47,959 Veins, crazy muscles in your neck. 492 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,261 You're like a kentucky derby-winning steed. 493 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,929 You're ruining a nice moment. 494 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,265 At one point, I swear, I thought we were gonna kiss. 495 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,800 Ted, seriously. 496 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,068 I'm married. 497 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,939 Oh... A slanted floor. 498 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,642 Architecturally speaking, fixing that's going to be... 499 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,677 Very, very, very expensive. 500 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,646 And it's gonna take some time, too, 501 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,082 So it looks like you're stuck with us 502 00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:12,917 For a little while longer, if that's okay. 503 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,852 Are you kidding? I love it. 504 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,687 I don't know what's gonna happen to me without you guys around. 505 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,789 Where are you going? 506 00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:21,826 I'm going to get my stupid phone. 507 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,962 So that was saint patrick's day, 2008. 508 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,832 I found out years later that your mom was at that party. 509 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,001 I just didn't meet her. 510 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,603 And it's a good thing I didn't, 'cause if I had met her, 511 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,206 I don't think she would have liked me. 512 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,275 Heck, I don't think I liked me. 513 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,143 But that's okay. 514 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:41,679 Tomorrow had arrived. 515 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:47,118 ♪ 516 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,610 ♪ 517 00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,882 You see, I didn't know it yet, 518 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:21,852 But my luck was about to change. 519 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,088 ♪ 520 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,112 I'm awesome.