1 00:00:01,968 --> 00:00:04,870 Narrator: Kids, sometimes in life you see someone, 2 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,305 And you just instantly know 3 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,873 This is the person for you. 4 00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:09,475 It can happen anywhere. 5 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:12,511 Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. 6 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,681 And that's what happened when I met... 7 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,583 Stella. 8 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,956 Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. 9 00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,357 My bread and butter. 10 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,326 So I'm guessing that the real story 11 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,028 Involves a bad breakup and some booze. 12 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,629 Unless it's a gang tattoo, 13 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,865 In which case, I think it's time to find a new gang. 14 00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,199 No, I just thought it would be cool 15 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,734 To get a caterpillar tattoo, 16 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,469 And then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden... 17 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,473 Well, I can get rid of it in ten one-hour sessions, 18 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:44,176 But, I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful. 19 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,511 Well, I think you'll find 20 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,379 I have a very high tolerance for pain. 21 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,815 Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made. 22 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,483 Oh, plan 9 from outer space? 23 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:55,387 No, the worst movie... Manos: Hands of fate. 24 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,222 Uh, I'm a doctor, went to medical school. 25 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,824 It's plan 9. If you don't believe me, 26 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,259 It's playing down at the pamela theater. 27 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,161 Uh-huh. I don't believe you, doctor. 28 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:05,164 Well, what are you doing tonight? 29 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,568 Hello. 30 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,170 Hey, ted. Hey. 31 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,038 Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me. 32 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,540 Oh, no, no, don't... 33 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,607 Come on, I insist. 34 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,176 That's so nice. Thank you. 35 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,844 Hey, guys, this is my friend ted. 36 00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,179 He wants to pay. 37 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,047 Oh, wow. Oh, yay. Wow, thank you. 38 00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:24,783 One, two, three, four. 39 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,055 Is something wrong? 40 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,024 No, it's just, um... 41 00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:33,792 I'm just a little embarrassed. 42 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,227 I thought this was a date. 43 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,096 But it's no big deal. 44 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,131 Don't worry about it. 45 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,532 What's wrong? 46 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:44,103 Ted's embarrassed... he thought this was a date. 47 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,371 Ted thought this was a date. 48 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,474 Stella, did you know ted thought this was a date? 49 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,709 What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. 50 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:51,877 It's an ama rule. 51 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,045 She's not allowed to date patients. 52 00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:54,146 It's an ama rule. 53 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,214 She's not allowed to date patients. 54 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,315 It's an ama rule. 55 00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,883 She's not allowed to date... 56 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,651 Yeah, I got it. 57 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:00,919 Man: We all got it. 58 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,754 Ted's a schmuck. 59 00:02:02,778 --> 00:02:10,778 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 60 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,073 And you bought all the tickets. Yeah, yeah. 61 00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:23,108 Hey, you were right. 62 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:26,345 Worst movie-going experience ever. 63 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,447 Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie. 64 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,849 I am so sorry that you thought that was a date. 65 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,151 No, it's fine. 66 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:34,353 I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. 67 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,622 All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, 68 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:39,424 I'll just... I'll wait until these ten session are up 69 00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:40,993 And then I'll ask you out then. 70 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:42,928 Well, then, fair warning: 71 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,596 I'm going to say no. 72 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,665 Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. 73 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:50,235 I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. 74 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,938 What, you're married? No. 75 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:53,940 Boyfriend? No. 76 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,040 Lesbian? No. 77 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,708 Only date black guys? No. 78 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,945 And yet you can say with absolute confidence 79 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,981 That ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, 80 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,349 Your answer will be... 81 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,817 No. 82 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,786 No... Hmm. 83 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,621 What could she mean 84 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,191 When she says no? 85 00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,358 I don't know, 86 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,793 It is totally cryptic. 87 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,962 This is far from over. 88 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,463 We're talking ten weeks from now. 89 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,165 Who knows what she'll want then? 90 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,967 I mean, do you know what you're going to want 91 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,068 For lunch ten weeks from now? 92 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,204 Sloppy joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake. 93 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,207 Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman 94 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,641 To decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 95 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,009 8.3 seconds. 96 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,011 After that, 97 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,145 Her decision is made. 98 00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:34,146 She will not change her mind. 99 00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,148 That's ridiculous. 100 00:03:35,149 --> 00:03:36,315 Is it? 101 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:39,218 Describe your first 8.3 seconds with stella. 102 00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:41,587 Lower back butterfly tattoo... 103 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,655 You're up. 104 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,161 So we got off to a rocky start. 105 00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:51,230 That may be a problem for some guys, 106 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,998 But I get better over time. Right? 107 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,000 I'm not some top 40 song... 108 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,235 Easily digestible. 109 00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:57,669 I'm complex. 110 00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:01,006 I require time and multiple listens. 111 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,608 I'm "stairway to heaven." 112 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:06,912 Wow, roger daltrey just rolled over in his grave. 113 00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,983 That's not the right guy, is it? 114 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:15,020 He's not even dead, is he? 115 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,521 I think that's great, ted. 116 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:18,123 You can do whatever you set your mind to. 117 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,025 In fact, you've inspired me. 118 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,361 I'm going to stop biting my nails. 119 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,363 But, baby, you love biting your nails. 120 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,845 I know, but I'm doing this for ted. 121 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,300 Hmm. 122 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,969 God, this is really hard. 123 00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:33,538 Give me ten sessions, 124 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,940 I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes." 125 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,041 Really, ted? Mm-hmm. 126 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,376 You think so? Mm. 127 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:39,711 Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go? 128 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,980 This is going to hurt a little. 129 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,749 Yeah, well, I can handle pain. 130 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,485 This one time I was playing tennis, and... 131 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:54,059 Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. 132 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,228 Everyone probably sounds like that. 133 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,596 Doctor, are you all right? 134 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,564 I heard a woman screaming in here. 135 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,800 Oh. 136 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:10,809 Here's to nine more great sessions. 137 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,249 Narrator: And so the weeks went by. 138 00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,751 The second session I told her about how I spent a summer 139 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,620 Working with inner-city kids. 140 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,923 The third session we both spoke nothing but french. 141 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,959 The fourth session I made her laugh so hard, 142 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,828 She fell out of her chair. 143 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:34,333 So by the time the fifth session came around... 144 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,667 Still no. 145 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,103 Still no. 146 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,271 What's up with that? 147 00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:40,939 I mean, I juggled. 148 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,274 You juggled? 149 00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:44,876 I thought you were trying to impress her. 150 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,144 You do magic. 151 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,946 How is juggling any lamer than magic? 152 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,348 Magic's not lame. 153 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,882 I don't get it. I mean... 154 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,217 Is this lame? 155 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,553 Oh, barney, no, no! 156 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:57,055 We said no fireballs at the table. 157 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,523 What the hell is wrong with you? 158 00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,991 There's alcohol in here. 159 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,059 Barney... I... 160 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,294 We've talked about this. 161 00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:03,362 It's a fire code violation. 162 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,397 Yeah, but ted provoked me. 163 00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,865 No, no, you are on a time-out. 164 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,966 Go sit over there. 165 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,008 But... Go! 166 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,072 Anyway... I don't get it. 167 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,640 She should be into me by now. 168 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,409 You know, you can do this, ted. 169 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,011 I said that I would stop biting my nails, 170 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,912 And kablam-ey. 171 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,481 It's just a challenge. 172 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,516 It can't be easy to woo someone 173 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,752 While you're sticking your naked butt in their face. 174 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,720 Works for baboons. 175 00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:32,991 It's called "presenting." 176 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,359 I got four sessions left. 177 00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,561 Ther-there's got to be an angle I'm not seeing. 178 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,930 You can't turn a "no" into a "yes," ted. 179 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,031 Can't be done. 180 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,366 I don't know, barney. 181 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,001 I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. 182 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,069 I said "yes" eventually. 183 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,404 No, you didn't. 184 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,239 You were like, "no, we can't, we're friends." 185 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,007 It would mess up the dynamic of the group." 186 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,275 To ted. 187 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,443 Oh, right. 188 00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,611 Wait a second. 189 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,413 Wait a second, I got the angle. 190 00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,214 Sir, please don't yell at me, 191 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,549 Because when people yell at me, 192 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,518 I have a tendency to start crying. 193 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,553 Please don't do it. 194 00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,355 Abby, I've told you before. Please. 195 00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:05,190 When they're rude to you, hang up the phone. 196 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,025 Man on phone: How difficult it is for me to... Go on, 197 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,293 You can do this, hang up. 198 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:09,694 Abby, 199 00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:10,696 Hang it up. 200 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:13,498 I am too busy to waste my time... 201 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,802 I'm sorry, I just wish 202 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:19,438 That some of the patients would be nicer to you. 203 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,106 The receptionist. 204 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,040 That's my way in. 205 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,074 I like this. 206 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,609 Seduce the receptionist. 207 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,144 That's a great plan. 208 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,412 That's not the plan. 209 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,147 And how would that help me with stella? 210 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,749 Who? 211 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,751 Here's the plan. 212 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,222 Hi. Here. 213 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,557 I stopped... 214 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:43,995 Hi, I stopped for coffee 215 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,664 And I... And I thought I'd grab you something. 216 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,966 Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. 217 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,000 You're like a knight. 218 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,670 I should call you sir ted. 219 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,571 What? 220 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:53,905 Nothing. Nothing. 221 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,274 It's really stupid. 222 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,243 Um, dr. Zinman, ted's here. 223 00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,512 Thanks. Thanks, abby. 224 00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,116 And now we wait. 225 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,485 And sure enough, 226 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:07,752 By session seven, 227 00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,354 She saw me in a whole new light. 228 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:12,157 Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here. 229 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,358 Break it. 230 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,427 Okay. 231 00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:16,761 Abby goes bowling 232 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,930 With her church group every Wednesday night... 233 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,800 Mm-hmm... And she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy. 234 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,003 Abby is...? 235 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,772 My receptionist. 236 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,541 You really made quite an impression on her 237 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,142 With the coffee the other day. 238 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,178 I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you. 239 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,380 Oh, abby. 240 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,549 I thought you said "alan." 241 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,685 But you just said, "abby is...?" 242 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,220 Right. 243 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,489 Right, I thought I said "alan." 244 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,057 Who's alan? 245 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,493 Who's abby? 246 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,795 My receptionist. 247 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:54,032 Exactly. 248 00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,536 What is happening? 249 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,070 Ted, 250 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,306 You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks. 251 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,542 You're right, no more gimmicks. 252 00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,809 One more gimmick. 253 00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,478 Ted: You know what's on her shelf? 254 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,813 That self-help book the power of me. 255 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,982 I know, I know, but I thought 256 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,585 If I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about. 257 00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,922 It's actually a great book. 258 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,157 It taught me the power of complete memory. 259 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,325 Can I borrow your copy? 260 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,561 I left it somewhere. 261 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,162 I forget. 262 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:27,832 Hi. 263 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,334 Ted mosby for dr. Zinman. 264 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:33,905 Hi, ted. I'll let her know. 265 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,442 Telepathically? 266 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:38,910 That's funny. 267 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,579 That's funny, smart, and great. 268 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,583 I am so sorry that I am late. 269 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,384 I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday. 270 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,019 It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. 271 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,422 I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. 272 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,457 I see you've read the power of me. 273 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,426 It's funny... What? Oh, no. 274 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,729 No, no, no, no, no, I would never read that piece of crap. 275 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,631 Some patient left it here. 276 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,765 Oh, thank god. 277 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,100 I couldn't agree more. 278 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,535 That's total crap. 279 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,236 I see people reading that on the subway 280 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,439 And I just want to shout, "get a life, people!" 281 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,207 Ted, I found your book. 282 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,743 Your book, the power of me. 283 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,944 I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage. 284 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,646 What? No, that's... That's not mine. 285 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,814 I've never seen that before in my life. 286 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,115 No, you were reading it in the lobby. 287 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,217 Wha... no, you have me confused with someone else. 288 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,552 No, no, look right here. 289 00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,554 "From the personal library of ted mosby." 290 00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,656 That's you. 291 00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,893 Ted, I hate to say this, 292 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,896 But I think it's "nail the receptionist" time. 293 00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,665 I'm not gonna nail the receptionist. 294 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,467 Ted, every little boy wants to grow up 295 00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,168 To nail the doctor or the lawyer. 296 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,738 Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist. 297 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,740 No. I like stella. 298 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,508 Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, ted. 299 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,344 Your little stella is not so perfect. 300 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,312 What do you mean? 301 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,680 I went down there 302 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,082 And checked her out for myself. 303 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,317 Yeah. 304 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,586 And while I was down there, 305 00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:56,821 I discovered that she had a secret, 306 00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:01,126 A terrible... Terrible secret. 307 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,260 What? 308 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,728 What is it? 309 00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,699 Hold on, I gotta pee. 310 00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:14,839 Okay, I'm back. 311 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,808 What's going on at work? 312 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,276 What's the big secret?! 313 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,511 Oh. Oh, right. 314 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,446 Hi, I'd like to see dr. Zinman, please. 315 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,781 Sure, what's it regarding? 316 00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,115 Oh, I just want to see her. 317 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,184 Want to look at her, see what she looks like. 318 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,019 I-I don't understand. 319 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,554 I'm sorry, did I accidentally 320 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,556 Oprima numero dos when I called? 321 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,358 Do you speak english? 322 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,493 I want to see her! 323 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,395 Sir, please don't yell at me 324 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,730 Because when people yell at me, 325 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,465 I have a tendency to start crying. 326 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:41,900 Barney: What are your credentials?! 327 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:42,901 Please don't do that. Please. 328 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,135 I want to know who am I speaking with! 329 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,670 Barney: At first she seemed great, 330 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:46,838 Beautiful, smart, 331 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,373 Way out of your league. 332 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,709 But then I overheard this conversation. 333 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,143 My grandfather's name... I was the last-born so... 334 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,012 Oh, abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet? 335 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,146 No. 336 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:59,217 When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia? 337 00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,158 Folliculaphilia? 338 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,427 Folliculaphilia. 339 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:10,829 What is that? 340 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:13,164 Ted, your perfect woman 341 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:17,235 Can only be attracted to men with moustaches. 342 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,273 That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 343 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:23,675 That's not real. 344 00:12:23,677 --> 00:12:26,077 You're right, ted. I'm just making that up. 345 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,980 I know that you are because there's no such thing. 346 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,450 I got it a little bit. 347 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,425 Hi. Uh, ted mosby for dr. Zinman. 348 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,761 Oh, hi, ted. Love the 'stache. 349 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:44,729 You look like a young tom selleck, 350 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:46,264 Only a million times handsomer. 351 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:51,402 Dr. Zinman, magnum's here to see you. 352 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,704 Just kidding. 353 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:55,006 Stupid. 354 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,742 Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. 355 00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,278 So we are very close to getting... 356 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,887 Why? Just why? 357 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,623 Y-you don't remember? 358 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,424 I'll bet anyone ten bucks 359 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:16,394 I can get ted to grow a moustache. 360 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,063 Uh... Okay. 361 00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,233 You sabotaged my next to last chance with stella 362 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,668 For ten dollars? 363 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:27,405 I know. I would've done it for free. 364 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,240 But no. You owe me ten bucks. 365 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:33,344 This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. 366 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,513 I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say 367 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:39,384 The most demoralizing syllable in the english language... no. 368 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,519 You know what? Just forget it. 369 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:42,453 I'm not even gonna ask her. 370 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:43,988 No, you have to. She likes you. 371 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,690 She said so herself. 372 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:46,925 I mean... 373 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,993 Oh, my god, you went and saw her, too. 374 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,529 I swear to you, I did not. 375 00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,604 My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. 376 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,372 So good to be in a relationship. 377 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,874 Anyone special in your life? 378 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,542 Or maybe just someone you're interested in? 379 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,512 Interes-ted in? 380 00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:11,716 You know, we should really get this mole checked out. 381 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,017 It's just a little irregular. 382 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,454 Marshall: Irregular? Oh, my god. 383 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,989 This is it. It's all over. 384 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,457 One of my patients has this 385 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,326 Little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back. 386 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,995 Can you stop talking about your other patients?! 387 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:26,130 I'm dying here, woman! 388 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,299 There you go. Look, even if it is something, 389 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,035 It's easily treatable, so try to relax. 390 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,070 Okay. 391 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,972 Hey, what was it you were saying before 392 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,540 About the guy with the butterfly tattoo? 393 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,976 Oh, that... That's nothing. 394 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,310 It's just a little crush. 395 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:42,580 So I will be calling you with your results. 396 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,215 Oh. Okay. Thank you. 397 00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:48,286 Oh, sir, your book! 398 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,488 No. 399 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,522 Yes. 400 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:54,225 She said "crush"? 401 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,694 And she was talking about me? 402 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,330 Narrator: That last session was the least painful of all. 403 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,834 I savored every searing blast of that laser. 404 00:15:02,836 --> 00:15:07,672 The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived. 405 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,507 Stella... 406 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:14,078 Now that I'm no longer your patient, 407 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,414 Would you like to have dinner with me? 408 00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,686 Ted, you're a really nice guy... 409 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,254 Oh, no. 410 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,024 It has been so great getting to know you. 411 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,692 I am gonna kill marshall. 412 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,394 I've had so much fun these past ten weeks. 413 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:32,030 Oh, my god, this is worse than the laser. 414 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,265 I have a daughter. 415 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,267 What? 416 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,303 Her name's lucy. She's eight. 417 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:42,040 Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. 418 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,541 My social calendar 419 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,143 Is movie night with the girls once a month 420 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,577 When I can get a sitter. 421 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,080 I mean, I've been to one party in the past year... 422 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,115 St. Patty's day... It was awful, I left early. 423 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,284 But, really, my only free time 424 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,720 Is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... 425 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,288 This is why I don't date. 426 00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,657 Ted, I only have time 427 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,961 For one most important person in my life, and that's lucy. 428 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,563 Anyway, it's been fun. 429 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,132 Next time, think before you ink. 430 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,401 But if you ever do wake up with, like, 431 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:15,373 A dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call. 432 00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:20,945 There it is... 433 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,280 She's a mom. 434 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,615 It's just not gonna happen. 435 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,584 Sorry, dude. 436 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,252 Have a shrimp. 437 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:29,587 I'm good. 438 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,290 I guess I got no one but myself to blame. 439 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,825 She told me right from the start 440 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,828 She was gonna say no and sure enough... 441 00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:39,263 Wait a minute. 442 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,169 Hi. Hi. 443 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,838 You didn't actually say no. 444 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,339 What do you mean? 445 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,608 All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, 446 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,510 But you didn't... I checked the transcript. 447 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,346 So, here's what I'm proposing. 448 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,948 Uh... You only have two minutes, right? 449 00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:57,849 Right. 450 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,717 Okay. You want to, uh... 451 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,719 Go on a a two-minute date with me? 452 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:06,090 Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. 453 00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:08,659 But, um... Okay. 454 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,361 Great. 455 00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,465 And... Go. 456 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,601 Taxi! 457 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,405 Ted, I seriously only have two minutes... 458 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:23,307 ♪ won't you let me walk you home from school? ♪ 459 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:24,842 That's like 120 seconds. 460 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,477 380 west 22nd, please. 461 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,212 And step on it. We're in a hurry. 462 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,881 380 west 22nd? That's... 463 00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,750 ♪ won't you let me meet you at the pool? ♪ 464 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:33,851 Aha! 465 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:34,986 Right this way. 466 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:36,487 Thank you, sir. 467 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,157 You know, I have always wanted to try this place. 468 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,758 House salad. Oh. 469 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,427 So, college? 470 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,594 Stanford. 471 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:44,495 Uh-huh. Wesleyan. 472 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,097 Oh, good. Do you know adam lazar? 473 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,232 No. Scott crable? Mm-mm. 474 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,234 Eggplant parmesean. 475 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,936 Thanks. Oh, already cut up. Nice. 476 00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,438 Could we get the check, please? 477 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,906 We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds. 478 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,340 Of course. Okay, great. 479 00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,742 Uh, how do you want to do this? 480 00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,010 You had the eggplant parm. 481 00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:00,545 I only really had water, so... 482 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,547 I'm kidding. Oh. 483 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:03,781 Okay. Let's go. 484 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,850 Taxi! You nervous? 485 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,552 A little bit. You can't tell at all. 486 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,586 Oh, good. Yeah. 487 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,854 Hello! 488 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:16,594 ♪ Tell him what we said 'bout "paint it black" ♪ 489 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,096 384 west 22nd. 490 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:21,132 ♪ Rock 'n roll is here to stay 15 seconds. The movie's started. 491 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,767 Nah, previews. We'll be fine. 492 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:26,037 ♪ Come inside where it's okay 493 00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:27,905 Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet. 494 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,240 So, what are we seeing? 495 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:30,475 Manos: Hands of fate. 496 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,609 The whole thing? 497 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,044 Only the important parts. 498 00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:35,646 ♪ And I'll shake you 499 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,116 ♪ ooh-hoo 500 00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:41,419 Worst movie ever. 501 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,155 Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times. 502 00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,057 How we doing on time? Taxi! 503 00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:47,391 We got a little time. 504 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,726 Okay. Do you want to walk it? 505 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:49,728 Why not? 506 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:50,995 Hello! 507 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,431 Good-bye! 508 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,732 So what grade's your daughter in? 509 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:55,833 Third grade. 510 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:56,901 Ah! That's a good year. 511 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,603 Yeah, she's wonderful. 512 00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:00,838 I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know? 513 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,406 What? I'm kidding. 514 00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,510 Oh. Look, coffee and dessert? 515 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,578 You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. 516 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,580 This used to be a cute, little italian restaurant. 517 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,648 I know. New york. 518 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,783 It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. 519 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,685 Ooh, look at the time. 520 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,421 Mmm, the cheesecake's amazing. 521 00:19:18,123 --> 00:19:19,624 Flowers? 522 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:20,691 I'm allergic. 523 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,861 Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. 524 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:26,597 Stella, I had a lovely... 525 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,266 Doggy bag? Oh. 526 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,701 Stella, I had a lovely time. 527 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:31,936 Me, too, ted. 528 00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,671 And... Date. 529 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,206 Huh? 530 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,774 That wasn't so bad, right? 531 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,010 No lengthy, awkward silences. 532 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,511 Dessert ran a little long, so... 533 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,247 I had to cut the good-night kiss. 534 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,185 I think I can be late just once. 535 00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:58,829 Ted... 536 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,799 Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. 537 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,635 But I understand that you really don't have time right now, 538 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,505 But if you ever do, will you give me a call? 539 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,873 Yes. 540 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,208 Okay. 541 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:15,046 And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" 542 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,614 Into a "yes." 543 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,653 All my friends told me, "abby, be strong. 544 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,322 He doesn't deserve another chance." 545 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,256 No, no, no. But I forgive you! 546 00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:27,592 No, no, no, no! 547 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,363 He seemed so nice, but then he just kept 548 00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:33,998 Toying with my emotions. 549 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,499 Wow. 550 00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,236 This ted guy sounds like a real jerk. 551 00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:40,004 You know your problem? 552 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,505 You're too sweet. 553 00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,741 Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole? 554 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,009 Oh, yeah. 555 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,851 Turns out it's just a raisinet. 556 00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:49,680 Hey, how would you like 557 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,016 Me to take you out to a fancy restaurant 558 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,218 And then go on a shopping spree? 559 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,587 Treat you the way you should be treated. 560 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,123 Would that make you forget about that ted monster? 561 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,691 My mom was wrong. 562 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,927 There are nice guys in new york. 563 00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:05,863 We just have to go by my hotel room first. 564 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,298 My bed was broken. 565 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,033 I just have to make sure they fixed it. 566 00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:10,434 Well, then if it's fixed, 567 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:13,004 Can we can have sex on it and then go shopping. 568 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,807 I like you.