1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,103
Narrator: Kids, back
when we were younger,

2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,171
Your uncle marshall and I were
really into college basketball.

3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,475
Every year, March madness would
take over the entire apartment.

4
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,176
Hey. What's with the blackboard?

5
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,511
It's our ncaa bracket.

6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,447
Big board equals big luck!

7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:16,715
Hey, that looks familiar.

8
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,197
Where did you get it?

9
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,620
Hello.

10
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,455
Uh, I'm looking
for my wife, ms. Aldrin.

11
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,557
There's no school today.
It's Saturday.

12
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,292
Of course. How could I forget?

13
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,696
Dumb ass.

14
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com

15
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Big board!

16
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,540
Big luck!

17
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,575
We found it. No big deal.

18
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:44,643
Anyway,

19
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,378
Every year, ted and
I go in together

20
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,913
On this big money pool
out in staten island.

21
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:49,181
Ted: Yeah. The winner gets

22
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,417
$100,000 stuffed
in a duffel bag.

23
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:54,153
And you get to keep
the duffel bag.

24
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,221
Why do you guys
put yourselves through this?

25
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,423
You lose every year.

26
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:58,724
Ted: That's because

27
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,492
In the past,
we were just guessing.

28
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,194
This year,
we watched every game,

29
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,562
Read box scores,
tracked injuries.

30
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,897
This isn't March madness.

31
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:08,200
This is March meticulously
thought-outness.

32
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,269
Your team lost 20 minutes ago.

33
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:15,274
I didn't know
they were playing today.

34
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,843
You okay, barney?

35
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,279
Something strange is going on.

36
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,214
I was down at the
hardware store,

37
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,016
Trying to get
a little somethin' somethin'.

38
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:25,451
Wait. You go
to the hardware store

39
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To pick up girls?

40
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There are four kinds of women

41
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Who go to the hardware store
by themselves.

42
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Of course there are.

43
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,726
Single, recently single,
recently divorced,

44
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,962
Lesbian who will let me watch.

45
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,564
You could not be more evil.

46
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Sorry. Five.

47
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Recently widowed. Mm.

48
00:01:42,535 --> 00:01:44,570
So, I'm talking to this girl...

49
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:47,272
Look, I'm sure he's
in a better place.

50
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:50,476
Now let's find you
a sturdier ladder.

51
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,379
I was only gone
for a second when...

52
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,782
See? Skid-proof.

53
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,254
The same thing happened
at the pet store yesterday.

54
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,388
Pet store?

55
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:04,656
Single girl, mid-twenties,

56
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,125
Looking for a canine replacement

57
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,659
For the boyfriend
who just dumped her.

58
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,994
Instead, finds barney.

59
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,429
God bless you, ted.

60
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,997
You're reading my blog.

61
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,501
I'm really bored at work.

62
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:17,136
I'd call your ex a dog,

63
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,838
But that would be an insult
to little ladybug here.

64
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,640
Oh, I want to take
her home right now.

65
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,410
Not without a chew toy
from uncle barney first.

66
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:26,912
Okay.

67
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,947
Barney: And when I got back...

68
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,450
I'm sorry, I'm already
spoiling her,

69
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,685
But diamond in the ruff?

70
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,187
Could your heart just melt?

71
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,855
Jerk!

72
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Okay.

73
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,925
Weird, right?

74
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:43,195
Yeah. The same thing happened
last week at the museum.

75
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All: Ooh, ooh, ooh! Lily.

76
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,832
You pretend to be a
struggling young artist

77
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,267
Who needs a new muse.

78
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,868
No. Marshall: Ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh.

79
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,703
Casing the joint for a thrill

80
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:52,704
Money can no longer give you!

81
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:53,772
Oh. No.

82
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Robin.

83
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You're going blind,

84
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And you're trying
to soak up all the beauty

85
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,611
In the world
before the darkness descends.

86
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,380
Bingo!

87
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,115
So, I was talking to this girl.

88
00:03:03,117 --> 00:03:05,651
At this point, about 83%.

89
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:09,555
Soon, these audio guides
will be all that I have left.

90
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,723
I'm so sorry.

91
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:16,161
My god, you are beautiful.

92
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,896
Oh. Hey.

93
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,665
How about I get you a headset

94
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:22,401
So you can see with
your ears like I do?

95
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:23,969
Uh...

96
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,137
Aah!

97
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:26,405
I'm s...

98
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,873
Aah! I...

99
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,309
I couldn't have been gone
more than 20 seconds,

100
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:32,177
But when I came back...

101
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:35,314
Hmm. You know, I also love
the smell of great art.

102
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,185
Why does this keep happening?

103
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,321
Maybe you're not as good a
liar as you think you are.

104
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,589
Hmm.

105
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,823
Oh, really?

106
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,725
Then why am I not
in prison for perjury?

107
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,427
But I don't want
to talk about work.

108
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,095
Something

109
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,331
Weird is going on here.

110
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Narrator: But the next
night got even weirder.

111
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Alan alda.

112
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,937
It was alan alda.

113
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,019
You never gonna believe
what just happened.

114
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:05,177
Who was that, um, guy from mash?

115
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,545
The main guy. What...?

116
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:07,713
Hawkeye from mash.

117
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,548
How can I be blanking on this?

118
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:10,882
Alan alda?

119
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,484
No.

120
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Woman: Hey, a word of advice?

121
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,958
That guy you were talking
to, barney stinson...

122
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,526
I know he seems charming,

123
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,362
But he's just saying
whatever it takes

124
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To get in your pants.

125
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,579
Sleeping with barney was the
biggest mistake of my life.

126
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:32,104
Oh, my god. Where is she?

127
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,539
Oh.

128
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,308
She must have left. She...

129
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,477
Well, she-she said
I hooked up with her?

130
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,646
What was her name?
What did she look like?

131
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:43,248
She didn't say her name,
but she had blonde hair, boobs.

132
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,983
Kind of trashy.

133
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,886
Dead in the eyes with an aura
of self-loathing and despair?

134
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,721
Yes! That's all of them.

135
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,890
Okay. Stay calm.

136
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:52,892
Let's think this through.

137
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,626
One of the girls

138
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,461
Who I lied to,
seduced and abandoned

139
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,230
Is trying to ruin my life.

140
00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:01,133
Shouldn't be too hard
to figure out which one it is.

141
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,077
Oh, dear god!

142
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:29,795
This is a nightmare.

143
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Some woman that I slept with

144
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,498
And screwed over is trying
to ruin my life.

145
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,367
God, why is this happening
to me?

146
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,201
It's karma.

147
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,836
Nah, it's not karma.

148
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,871
She's stripping in vegas.

149
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,606
Plus, we're good.

150
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,709
Ted: Look, if you
want to figure out

151
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,811
Who it is, why don't you just
start by checking your list?

152
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,212
My list?

153
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,681
Dude, do not pretend
you're not the kind of guy

154
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,517
Who keeps a list of all
the girls he's slept with.

155
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,652
I have one.

156
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:57,122
It's called my marriage license.

157
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:59,057
Come on, let's see the list.

158
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,193
Ted, don't be crass.

159
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,060
I would never

160
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,462
Demean the women

161
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,464
That I've slept with
by putting their names

162
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,965
On some tawdry list.

163
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,400
This is a scrapbook

164
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,868
Of all of the women
I've slept with.

165
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,970
I made it at the
scrapbook barn on 7th.

166
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,839
Ask for heloise.
Tell her I sent you.

167
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,575
What do you think, lil?

168
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,643
You recognize the saboteur?

169
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:19,811
I don't know, barney.

170
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,179
I only saw her face.

171
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,814
How many

172
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,816
Of these girls know
they're being photographed?

173
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,419
All of them, but only about half
buy a copy on the way out.

174
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,721
Oh, barney,
you're never gonna figure out

175
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,723
Which one of these
is the mystery woman.

176
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,426
All of these women have a right
to hate you.

177
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,428
Oh, lily, come on, lighten up.

178
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,330
I mean, any girl who's gonna
be with a guy like barney

179
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:41,066
And do this or that,

180
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,434
Or this and that,

181
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,202
Or do this with those in that...

182
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,605
Hmm. I mean, she should have
known what she was getting into.

183
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,440
Absolutely. Mm.

184
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:51,109
And what I do with these women

185
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,445
Should be between me and them.

186
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,447
And you guys.

187
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,048
And heloise.

188
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,084
She helped me do the decoupage.
Hmm.

189
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,519
I don't know, barney.

190
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,187
I don't recognize any
of these women.

191
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:05,357
I mean, some minor celebrities,
one government official,

192
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:09,127
And what appears to be a
national fast food chain mascot.

193
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,263
Oh.

194
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,431
This is impossible.

195
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,899
There's too many girls.

196
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,034
How the hell am I gonna
narrow this down?

197
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,203
The top 64 women
I've slept with,

198
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,638
Split into four regions.

199
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,772
This tournament

200
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,207
Will systematically narrow down

201
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,309
Which girl has the most cause
to hate my guts.

202
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,311
Last girl standing
has to be the saboteur.

203
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,579
Absolutely not, barney.

204
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,448
We are not going to make a game

205
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,983
Out of the women you've tricked
into sleeping with you.

206
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,322
No way!

207
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:39,491
The girl who thought
he had 12 hours to live

208
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,293
Has way more cause
to ruin his life

209
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,894
Than the girl
he fake proposed to.

210
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,996
It's fake proposal girl.

211
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,232
I mean, she hired
a wedding planner!

212
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,801
It's 12 hours to live! That girl
flew them both to paris!

213
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,570
Oh, she only bought him
a one-way ticket!

214
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,006
Okay, okay, everybody! Hands.

215
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,475
Marshall, ted & lily:
12 hours to live!

216
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:58,343
Damn it! Yeah.

217
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,645
Okay, toss up.

218
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,013
"Thought I was jorge posada,"

219
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,182
Or "you have my dead wife's
kidney?"

220
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,017
Kidney! Jorge posada!

221
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,653
She bought yankees season
tickets to watch him play!

222
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,422
That's true... It's
"dead wife's kidney."

223
00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:12,524
How are we even discussing this?

224
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:14,926
Fake baby! Lost at sea!

225
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,695
Fake baby! Lost at sea!

226
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,330
I was there.

227
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,831
Trust me.

228
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,933
It's fake baby.

229
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,269
Down to the sweet 16.

230
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,938
And coming out of
the upper west side, we have

231
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,207
The number three seed, "girl
who thought I owned Google,"

232
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,342
Up against the number

233
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:31,610
Seven seed,

234
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,612
"girl who thought
I was a scuba instructor."

235
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,213
You got to go scuba instructor.

236
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,181
You're kidding me!

237
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,382
She got the bends!

238
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:39,484
Yeah, she did.

239
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,720
Boo.

240
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,955
Evil twin!

241
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,223
Prince of norway!

242
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,292
How could it not be
prince of norway?!

243
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:48,894
Barney, you're the tiebreaker.

244
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,462
I'm going with evil twin.

245
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:52,364
You're kidding me!

246
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,566
Sorry, but I did sleep
with that girl twice.

247
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:57,302
As barney and larney.

248
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,709
Okay, we're down
to the final four.

249
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,578
What do you think, people?

250
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,213
Come on, dig deep.

251
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,481
Oh! I can't decide.

252
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:11,416
It could be any one of them.

253
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,819
Is that the blackboard
from my classroom?

254
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,655
Come on! Marshall?

255
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,591
I'm tired and sad.

256
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,026
Mosby?

257
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,261
I want to call my mom,

258
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:26,097
Just tell her I love her.

259
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:28,934
Okay.

260
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:31,036
Then this is as far as we get.

261
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,837
The final four.

262
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,574
It's got to be meg, anna,

263
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,275
Kate or holly.

264
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,110
We are gonna
track these girls down,

265
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,712
And you're going to tell me

266
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,547
Which one approached you
at the bar.

267
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:45,784
You guys stole my blackboard!

268
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:53,625
Okay, there's her building.

269
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,026
When she comes out,
I'm gonna hide,

270
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,595
And once you figure out
if she's the girl

271
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,029
From the bar, we run like hell.

272
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,297
No.

273
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,565
What do you mean, no?

274
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,200
That woman, like every woman

275
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,768
In your final four,
deserves an apology,

276
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,271
And I'm not telling
you if she's the one

277
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,106
Until I hear you
say, "I'm sorry."

278
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,775
Are you nuts? That would involve
me speaking to a woman

279
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,711
I've already had sex with,
which, frankly,

280
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:15,080
Is a little bit like changing
the oil in a rental car.

281
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,414
Ugh!

282
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,316
Barney, you're doing this.

283
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,718
Lily, this girl hates me.

284
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,319
I hooked up with her
in an apartment

285
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,121
I was pretending was my own,

286
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,223
Told her I loved her,
and then ditched her there.

287
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,958
She got arrested
for trespassing,

288
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,828
Bit a cop, and spent
eight days in jail.

289
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,063
Oh, crap, there she is!

290
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,165
If she sees me,
she's gonna kill me!

291
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,767
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
Hey, meg!

292
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,002
Over here!

293
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,169
Look who it is!

294
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,639
Your old friend barney!

295
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,411
Barney?

296
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,246
If she kills me, I want you
to go into my apartment,

297
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:49,814
Grab the metal briefcase
under my bed

298
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,516
And throw it in the east river.

299
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,518
What are you doing here?

300
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,421
Look, meg, we need to talk. Shh.

301
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,523
It was all my fault.

302
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,693
I know it was, baby.

303
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,695
I just came on too strong.

304
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,297
And I forgive you.

305
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:07,999
I love you.

306
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,267
Oh, my god!

307
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,769
I love you, too!

308
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,171
No!

309
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,539
What's the matter with you?

310
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,207
Get off of him!

311
00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:18,610
Look, she's not the one,

312
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,211
But you still owe her an apol...

313
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,722
So you remember who this
one is, right? Yes.

314
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,791
You told her you were ted
and that you were an architect.

315
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,392
Right, and if you recall,

316
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,628
Her computer had a web cam
and a t-1 line, so I...

317
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,730
Yeah, I know, barney,
you showed me.

318
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,212
And that still doesn't count
as a christmas present.

319
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:44,469
Go over there and apologize.

320
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,005
Ah, there she is. Ooh,

321
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,473
And she's holding hot coffee.

322
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,908
Maybe she'll throw
it in your face.

323
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,409
You're really enjoying this,
aren't you?

324
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,244
I'm making a scrapbook.

325
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,516
Anna, hi.

326
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,651
Look who it is.

327
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:01,586
Mr. Big shot architect.

328
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,821
If you're here to ask me

329
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:03,988
To take down the web site,
forget it.

330
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,323
What web site?

331
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,792
Ted-mosby-is-a-jerk-dot-com.

332
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:12,564
You're right, I do deserve that.

333
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,232
That's all I came here to say.

334
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,501
You know what?

335
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,703
I don't care who knows about it.

336
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:21,072
Excuse me. Excuse me.

337
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,775
I, ted mosby,

338
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,977
Am a jerk to women.

339
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:29,080
Tell your sisters.
Tell your daughters

340
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,082
To stay away!

341
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:36,588
Ted-mosby-is-a-jerk-dot-com.

342
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,891
Narrator: And that little web
site went on to get 400,000 hits.

343
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,160
Thanks, barney.

344
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:48,867
Okay, which one is this again?
She's...

345
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,969
Larney!

346
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,470
Why?!

347
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,105
Is it her?

348
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,406
Die! Smile.

349
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,809
You look good.

350
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:01,312
Have you lost weight?

351
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:07,318
We're down
to the number one seed.

352
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,053
I knew it was holly.

353
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:10,321
It had to be holly.

354
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,191
Man, I was hoping
it wasn't holly.

355
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:21,766
Barney, did you hear that?

356
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,248
Somebody's stealing my truck.

357
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,338
Barney?

358
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,742
Barney!

359
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,683
That was the worst thing
you've ever done.

360
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,985
That is the worst thing
anyone has ever done.

361
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,288
But in my defense,

362
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,690
She was kind of annoying.

363
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,427
She's gonna kill you.

364
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:52,764
Barney. Holly.

365
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,400
Mark, come over here.

366
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,971
Barney, this is my fiancé, mark.

367
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,340
Barney?

368
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,909
You're the barney who ditched
her in the woods?

369
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,114
So you're not mad at barney?

370
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,183
Don't you want an apology?

371
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,219
An admission of guilt?

372
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:16,654
Your truck back?

373
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,857
No, whatever happened
was in the past.

374
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,959
Mark is my present
and my future.

375
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,494
Mark: And if you ditching
holly in the woods

376
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,897
Made her stop running around
with guys like you,

377
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,765
Then cheers.

378
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:29,901
Well, then,

379
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,636
To the last
fourth of July weekend

380
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,038
I'll spend getting eaten alive
by mosquitoes.

381
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,574
Fourth of July?

382
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:39,143
We started dating in June.

383
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,216
We ruined their lives.

384
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,885
And the worst part of it

385
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,487
Is that you didn't apologize
to any of those women.

386
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,055
No, the worst part is that

387
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,924
We still have no idea
who my stalker is.

388
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,226
Well, that's because you're
going about this all wrong.

389
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,495
I mean, why chase someone
who's following you?

390
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,897
All you need to do

391
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,665
Is go down to the bar,
hit on someone,

392
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,133
And wait until she turns up.

393
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,836
That's not a bad idea.

394
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:07,739
Ooh, ooh, I'll pretend to be
the girl that you're hitting on.

395
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,674
I don't know.
That's a lot riding on a girl

396
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,109
Who giggles when she lies.

397
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,410
I do not.

398
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,445
Have you ever fallen asleep
while eating ribs?

399
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,080
No.

400
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,685
Look, I can do this, okay?

401
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,287
I mean, how else are you
going to find out

402
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:23,388
Who this girl is.

403
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,089
I'm in.

404
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,091
Okay, here's
how it's gonna work.

405
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,293
Now, lily,

406
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,361
She knows what you look like,

407
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,130
So just hang out at the jukebox,

408
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,332
And don't draw any attention
to yourself.

409
00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:40,772
And the guys will be
in the booth,

410
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:43,541
Just pretending to have
a normal conversation.

411
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:46,577
Talking, we should
be talking. Words.

412
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,545
Here are words.

413
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,380
Why is this so hard?

414
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,050
Laughter!

415
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,718
And then I'll come in,

416
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,987
Looking hot as all hell.

417
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,993
Wow, you are gorgeous.

418
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,462
Oh, god, I know that's awful.

419
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,904
I just, uh... Shh, go away.

420
00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:08,533
But come back later.

421
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:13,905
And then barney
will make his move.

422
00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,174
Hey, there, how are you doing?

423
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,342
Fine, barney.

424
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,676
I mean, um,

425
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,911
Fine, stranger.

426
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,515
Wow, you really
are awful at this, aren't you?

427
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:26,351
Get your hand

428
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,418
Off my thigh, barney.

429
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,519
It's supposed to look like

430
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:29,988
We're about to hook up, robin.

431
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,090
You know, I'm curious.

432
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,691
What do you say to these girls

433
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,826
To get them to come
home with you?

434
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,861
Usually, I just

435
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,497
Lean in and whisper
this one thing in their ear.

436
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:50,475
You're a little turned on right
now, aren't you?

437
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,437
No.

438
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,814
Oh. Look, somebody's
watching us.

439
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,216
Make your move to the bathroom.

440
00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,684
Uh, I'm going to go
to the bathroom now,

441
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,487
But, uh, when I come back
we'll go to my place

442
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,522
And have sex.

443
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:09,961
Ted: Dude, dude, dude, look.

444
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:12,397
Blonde girl heading over
to robin right now. We are go.

445
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,298
I don't know
what to do with my hands.

446
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,768
What do I normally do
with my hands?

447
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,139
Barney.

448
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,673
I brought a copy of the bracket.

449
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,941
Which one is she?

450
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,745
I don't recognize her.

451
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,981
She's not on the top 64.

452
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,649
Not even on bracket.

453
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,384
Wow, cinderella story

454
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,986
Comes out of nowhere
to win the whole thing.

455
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:36,220
That'll warm your heart.

456
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,556
Are you okay?

457
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,725
I don't even recognize her.

458
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,861
Hey.

459
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,764
I don't remember you.

460
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,200
I've spent the last
two days trying to remember

461
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,836
Every girl that I've slept with
and all the horrible things

462
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:53,337
That I have done to them.

463
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,206
And I have done
some horrible things.

464
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,507
I mean,

465
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:59,177
At one point,
I'm pretty sure I sold a woman.

466
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:01,846
I didn't speak the language,

467
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,215
But I shook a guy's hand,
he gave me

468
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,337
The keys to a mercedes,
and I left her there.

469
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,887
I'm the guy who keeps
a scrapbook

470
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,789
Of all of the women
I have slept with,

471
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,524
But I never thought
I was the guy

472
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,960
Who would sleep with a girl
and not even remember her.

473
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:17,462
So from the bottom of my heart,

474
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,030
For whatever I did to you,

475
00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:21,599
I apologize.

476
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,733
Oh, barney!

477
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:26,204
Oh, I'm so proud of you.

478
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,472
That's not her.

479
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:30,074
I'm so sorry. What? What?

480
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,410
Barney, I'm sorry, that's
my friend sally from work.

481
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:33,945
We just ran into each other.

482
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:36,714
So I apologized for nothing?

483
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,716
Yes, but it was a great apology.

484
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,085
And a perfect way
to end my scrapbook.

485
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:44,522
I'm going to call this photo
"barney's redemption."

486
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,359
Could you stop
giving me the finger?

487
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:51,662
♪ One shining moment

488
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,398
♪ you reached for the sky

489
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:59,470
♪ one shining moment you knew

490
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,639
♪ one shining moment

491
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,075
♪ you were willing to try

492
00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:07,178
♪ one shining moment

493
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,913
Narrator: Eventually,
barney did figure out

494
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,681
Who the mysterious girl was.

495
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,850
But more on that later.

496
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:49,887
Barney, come back to bed.

497
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,223
You have a shuttle launch
tomorrow.

498
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:55,193
And that asteroid that's
headed for manhattan,

499
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,962
It's not going
to destroy itself.