1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,970 Narrator: Kids, this is the story of the cab ride 2 00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:06,605 That changed my life. 3 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,108 I know it sounds crazy, but for all I know 4 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,511 My life would be very different if I had taken, say... 5 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,947 That cab. 6 00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,949 Or that cab. 7 00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:18,684 God knows what would have happened 8 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,120 If I had gotten into that cab. 9 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,026 I took this cab. 10 00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:30,129 And it changed my whole life. 11 00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,638 But first, we need to back up a little. 12 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,306 Hey. 13 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,075 Is there any beer in the fridge? 14 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,543 It's 10:00 in the morning. 15 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,111 Grab me one. 16 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,147 So, 17 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:51,350 Something bad just happened. 18 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,585 Stella and I were out having breakfast. 19 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,655 So, my sister broke up with her boyfriend. 20 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,856 Well, I can finally say it. 21 00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:58,991 I hated that guy! 22 00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:00,359 Everything out of his mouth is, 23 00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:01,660 "I'm a vegan. 24 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,495 "Fish feel pain. 25 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,497 I'm never constipated." 26 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:06,765 The guy's an idiot. 27 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,167 Actually, she's marrying him. 28 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,735 I just wanted your honest opinion. 29 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,171 He's actually a really nice guy. 30 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,473 I think there's a wisdom to... 31 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,777 Anyway, they picked a date, so, uh, 32 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,179 You want to come with me, 33 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,580 So that we can laugh our asses off 34 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,848 As we watch him walk barefoot down the aisle 35 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:23,916 In a hemp tuxedo? 36 00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,084 Yeah, sure. When is it? 37 00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:26,685 Uh, first weekend in November. 38 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:27,719 Is that 39 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,088 The something bad? 40 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,556 That she invited you to a wedding? 41 00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,957 Six months from now. 42 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,860 As in we'll be together six months from now. 43 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,261 Do you guys remember 44 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,096 Barney's whole thing about making plans 45 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,530 In a relationship? 46 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,965 Fourth row. 47 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,200 Ted, no. 48 00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,702 You're violating the date-time continuum. 49 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,037 You never make 50 00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:46,305 Plans with a girl further in the future 51 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,474 Than the amount of time you've been going out. 52 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,609 You've been dating this girl for, what, two weeks? 53 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,445 No, you're not taking her to a springsteen concert in January. 54 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:58,183 By that time you won't even remember this robin girl's name. 55 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,787 Ugh, man, I love springsteen! 56 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,623 He's like the american bryan adams. 57 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,991 Well... 58 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:06,993 But 59 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,393 Barney had a point. 60 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,895 As soon as she started talking about the wedding, 61 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,330 It freaked me out. 62 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,098 Oh, that sounds like so much fun. 63 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,900 Mmm. So I get to look forward to it 64 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,668 For six months. 65 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,837 Which is twice as long as we've been dating. 66 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,239 Uh-oh. 67 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,007 I'm sure your daughter lucy'll come 68 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:25,410 So it'll be like a... A family trip. 69 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,946 Our first trip as our funny little family. 70 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,349 So that... That'll be super-exciting. 71 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,084 Oh, boy. 72 00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:35,087 Man, they crank up the heat in these places. 73 00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:37,823 What's going on, ted? 74 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,192 We need to talk. 75 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,527 Oh. Oh. Oh. 76 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:42,995 "We need to talk"? 77 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,964 There's only two situations where you say that to someone 78 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,332 And unless you're pregnant, 79 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,101 It sounds like you broke up with her. 80 00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,103 Yeah, I did. 81 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,039 So how did she take it? 82 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,041 Um... 83 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,342 I'm only trying to be honest with you. 84 00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,145 You know, ted. I have to go to work. 85 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,446 Stella, can we just... 86 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:02,881 I don't want to leave it like this. 87 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,650 No, ted, it's okay. 88 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,919 We're good. 89 00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:09,454 Ow! 90 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,123 Look, I know it sounds rough, 91 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:12,357 But stella's a mom. 92 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,825 I have to be responsible. 93 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,294 If I'm having these 94 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,962 Feelings now, what if they don't go away? 95 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,697 What if they just get worse and worse 96 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,465 And six months from now, I break up with her 97 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,968 Over tofu salmon at her sister's wedding? 98 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,069 I can't do that 99 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,737 To her. And I definitely can't do that 100 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,306 To her daughter. 101 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:30,209 It sucks, but I'm being the good guy here. 102 00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,478 This is the right decision. 103 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,481 Which brings me back to the cab ride. 104 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,554 Hello, may I speak with marshall eriksen? 105 00:03:42,578 --> 00:03:48,578 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 106 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,408 ♪ 107 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:33,505 ♪ 108 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,949 Hey, guys. 109 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,550 Jell-o? 110 00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:04,403 I can't believe this. So you're totally fine. 111 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,804 No, I'm not fine. 112 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,806 I made the biggest mistake of my life. 113 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,007 I want stella back. 114 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,677 I've left her like ten messages, but her phone's off. 115 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,679 She's at that 116 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,713 Arcade kiddie funland with her daughter. 117 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,348 Please. 118 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,083 Let me go to kiddie funland. 119 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,085 You can say that all you want, buddy, 120 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,753 But you're not getting any morphine. 121 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,755 No, I'm serious. I got to get out of here. 122 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,325 You're not going anywhere until we get the tests back. 123 00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,160 You could have internal bleeding. 124 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,828 Your brain could be all full of blood. 125 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,096 Think that's good for it? 126 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,197 It ain't. 127 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,765 This sucks. 128 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:34,599 This sucks. 129 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,001 This sucks. This sucks. Are you... 130 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,035 Are you kidding me? 131 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,470 You walked away 132 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,505 From a car accident without a scratch. 133 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,709 A miracle took place today. 134 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:44,711 Oh, here we go. 135 00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,478 You don't think this was a miracle? 136 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,114 There's no such thing as miracles. 137 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:52,651 March 2006, maclaren's bar. 138 00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:53,452 Oh. 139 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,820 That's terrible. Gentle. 140 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:55,987 That's in! Gentle. 141 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,023 Ow. Here we go. 142 00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,892 Hey! 143 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,027 Bravo. 144 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,295 Cheers... 145 00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:06,531 Mm-hmm. 146 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,471 No... Way. 147 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,306 That did not just happen. 148 00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:16,308 Am I dead? 149 00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:18,243 Am I dead? 150 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,512 Miracle! 151 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,414 A pencil went up barney's nose, 152 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,549 And you call it a miracle. 153 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,518 Well, do you have a better explanation for it? 154 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,354 A drunk jackass with a box of pencils? 155 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,490 A drunk jackass called "god!" 156 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:35,527 And a box of pencils called "destiny!" 157 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,029 Speaking of barney, I should give him a call. 158 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,598 Why? We're not friends anymore. 159 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,234 You'd want to know if this happened to him. 160 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,003 Go for barney. 161 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,238 Hey, barney. 162 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,173 Listen, I have something to tell you. 163 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:50,242 Oh, boy, here we go. 164 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,877 I've been waiting for this one. 165 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,245 You talked to robin. 166 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,679 She told you what's under the hood 167 00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:56,515 And you want to take it for a spin yourself. 168 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,818 Not even if you boiled it in detergent. 169 00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:01,753 It's about ted. 170 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:02,755 Ted? 171 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,390 My former best friend ted 172 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,259 Who I asked you never to mention to me again? 173 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,193 Yeah. 174 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,061 He's been in a car accident. 175 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,930 He's at saint anthony's hospital. 176 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,031 Everything's... 177 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,700 No, I understand. 178 00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:18,870 You've got that important thing. 179 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,038 Okay. 180 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,540 Oh, of course 181 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,908 I'll tell him you love him. 182 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:23,775 Okay. 183 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,577 Suit up! 184 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,413 He is always saying stuff like that! 185 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,048 He hung up, didn't he? Yeah. 186 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,617 See, I told you. We're not friends anymore. 187 00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:42,060 What did he say? 188 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,929 Ah, a hundred and thir... What? 189 00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,063 You... 190 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,632 I'm coming, ted. 191 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:51,837 So, what made you change your mind about stella? 192 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:55,140 Well, I was in the cab, and the car was coming at me, 193 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,843 And you know how they say that your whole life flashes 194 00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,078 Before your eyes in a near-death experience? 195 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,446 It doesn't. 196 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,848 You don't see everything. 197 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,183 Just the things you love. 198 00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:09,855 I realized in that moment 199 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,623 That stella is the most important thing in my life 200 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,191 And-and I have to get her back. 201 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,092 Aw! 202 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,193 Miracle! 203 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,495 Very sweet. 204 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,263 Very romantic. 205 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,098 Not a miracle. 206 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,834 July 1999. 207 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,636 Kennedy airport. 208 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,038 So, did you enjoy... 209 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,674 Amsterdam? 210 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,976 No. 211 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,277 Nothing illegal. 212 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,646 Paintings. 213 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,515 All right, bob marley. 214 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,450 Let's have a conversation. 215 00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,923 Shift change. 216 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,562 Oh, amsterdam. 217 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,131 All right. 218 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,934 Float on through, brother. 219 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,940 Miracle! 220 00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,409 Don't you go into the light! 221 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,845 Don't you do it! 222 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:07,412 Hey, mosby, 223 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,881 You got a visitor. 224 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:18,590 Hey, guys. 225 00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,525 Hey. Hey. Hey. 226 00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,727 Can you guys, uh, give us a minute? 227 00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:28,433 Stella, before you say anything... 228 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,168 I love you. 229 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,836 I love you, too. 230 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,204 Can we just forget about... 231 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,739 It's forgotten. 232 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,809 Is this your chart? 233 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,879 Okay. 234 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,347 Uh-huh. 235 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,349 Everything looks good. 236 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,351 I think you can handle it. 237 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,153 Handle what? 238 00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:53,358 Aww! Aww! Aww! 239 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,526 This morning 240 00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:55,860 He dumped her and now 241 00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,363 She's dry-humping him on a hospital bed. 242 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,031 Miracle! Yeah, 243 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,200 You know, I bet if you call up the vatican, 244 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,202 They will tell you that most of their certified miracles 245 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,137 Involve dry-humping, so. 246 00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:09,207 April 2008. 247 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,476 Lily's kindergarten classroom. 248 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,744 You're gonna go in there 249 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,546 And beg for your old job back? 250 00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:15,647 That's crazy. 251 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,115 You hated it there. 252 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,352 I-I know, the job market is just really bad right now. 253 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,320 Hey, kids, 254 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:25,957 Who wants uncle marshall to get his old job back? 255 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,760 They'll cheer 256 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,096 For anything if you say it like that. 257 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,398 Kids, a super tanker 258 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,600 Spilled five million gallons of oil 259 00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:38,103 Off the coast of alaska this morning! 260 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,608 Bob hewitt: Hello, marshall. 261 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,809 Mr. Hewitt, 262 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,444 I came here to apologize. 263 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:47,846 I'm going to go grab some more glue. 264 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,848 Will you watch them for a sec? 265 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,249 Of course. 266 00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:55,453 Leaving nicholson, hewitt, and west was a huge mistake, 267 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:56,955 And I can see that now. 268 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:57,822 So... 269 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,591 Who wants to see the big guy 270 00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:01,426 Put on these tiny hats? 271 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,431 My behavior was disrespectful. 272 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,133 It was unprofessional. 273 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,934 I'm a pilgrim. 274 00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:12,637 I know it looks like I have a tiny hat, 275 00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:16,541 But in reality, I have an abnormally large head! 276 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,613 I was going through a stressful time. 277 00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:23,448 I wasn't getting enough sleep. 278 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:27,485 Fourscore and seven years ago, 279 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:31,289 I had a great, big giant head! 280 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,325 I had just bought an apartment, 281 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,894 And there were some problems. 282 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,229 I-I don't want to bore you with the details. 283 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:42,834 I only regret that I have but one giant head 284 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,636 To give for my country. 285 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,541 Sir, if you could just see your way into giving me 286 00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,710 One more chance, I promise... Marshall. 287 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,179 I'm willing to give this a second chance. 288 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,246 I remember my 289 00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,215 First years as an attorney. 290 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,983 Why, I don't know how many hours I spent. 291 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,152 I don't think I ever left... 292 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,487 Oh, my god! Lice. 293 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,255 I have lice. 294 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:06,658 Those little bastards gave me lice. 295 00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:07,892 God, it itches. 296 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:08,927 Don't scratch it. 297 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,495 You'll look like a fool. 298 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,896 You'll never get your job back. 299 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,899 Okay, you can scratch, but just make it subtle. 300 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,936 Okay, that's not working. 301 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,004 Oh, sweet, sharp corner of the desk, 302 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,474 How I long to rub my infested scalp against you. 303 00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:26,945 I was, um... Just, uh... 304 00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,881 You okay, eriksen? 305 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,616 Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good. 306 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,085 I am good. 307 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,920 Continue. 308 00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:37,622 Mind over matter. 309 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,457 There are no lice in my hair... 310 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,925 Laying eggs, 311 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,927 Burrowing into my scalp, 312 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,263 Eating their way all the way down to my brain! 313 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,232 I have lice! 314 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,733 "Lice"?! Lice! Get out! 315 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,435 Get out of my office! 316 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:52,771 We've got lice! 317 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,773 Everybody out of the building. 318 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:56,808 If it weren't for the lice, 319 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,409 I would have gotten my job back, 320 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,278 And I would have been working there when, 321 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,580 Two weeks later, the securities and exchange commission 322 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,815 Came a-knocking. 323 00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,117 God sent those lice to my head 324 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,486 Like he sent the locusts to egypt: 325 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,989 To liberate me from corporate bondage. 326 00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,524 Miracle. 327 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:14,459 Hey, guys. 328 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,294 Oh, I'm just so glad 329 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,930 You and ted are back together. Yeah. 330 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,800 Wait, um, what do you mean "back together"? 331 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:25,403 Well, you know, since you guys broke up. 332 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:26,938 What? Oh, no. 333 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,273 It was just a small fight. 334 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,874 That wasn't a breakup. 335 00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:33,978 Was that a breakup? Did he think that was a breakup? 336 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,581 What? 337 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,883 Son of a bitch! 338 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,023 That was a breakup. Wasn't it? 339 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,424 You broke up with me. 340 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,358 Yeah. 341 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,261 I didn't know that that was a breakup. 342 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,529 Are you kidding? 343 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:52,864 I-I said, "I feel awful." 344 00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,766 You said, "we're good." 345 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:56,000 Then you got up and left. 346 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,969 Yeah, I said, "we're good," 347 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,437 As in "we're good." 348 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,472 Like when the waiter comes around and asks 349 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,374 If you want any more muffins, and you say, "we're good." 350 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:06,778 Exactly, and I took that "we're good" to mean 351 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,213 You didn't want any more 352 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,181 Metaphorical relationship muffins. 353 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,350 This is crazy. 354 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,952 Forget about all that. 355 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,287 That was a whole life-changing car accident ago. 356 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,522 I love you. 357 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,723 I don't want to break up. 358 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,291 But you did. 359 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,293 You did want to. 360 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,228 And if you had those feelings once, 361 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,829 Then you're going to have those feelings again, 362 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:25,897 And you're going to keep on having them. 363 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,565 And I can't count on that car to hit you 364 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,733 Every time you do. 365 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,335 What are you saying? 366 00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:32,070 I'm saying... 367 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,705 You wanted your breakup, 368 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:34,739 You got it. 369 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,974 What?! Stella, wait! 370 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,575 No, you know what, ted? 371 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,577 We're good. 372 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:49,821 So you broke up with her and she didn't know it? 373 00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:51,089 Apparently. 374 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,825 And you actually said, "I want to break up"? 375 00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:54,893 No, of course not. 376 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,494 Who says "I want to break up"? 377 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,362 That's a horrible thing to say. 378 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,063 Well, that's true. 379 00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:04,669 Hello? 380 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,271 Hi, ted mosby? We have you 381 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,407 Listed as the emergency contact for barney stinson. 382 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:11,376 What is it? 383 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,611 Narrator: What it was was this. 384 00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:23,621 I made it. I made it! 385 00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:32,931 Dude, I... 386 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,800 I can't believe you ran all the way up here. 387 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:39,237 Jeez. Flatter yourself much? 388 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,271 What an ego 389 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,306 On this guy. 390 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,775 Um, I was up in this part of town 391 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,243 Because I had to attend 392 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:48,546 A very important international business meeting. 393 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:49,881 If you're here 394 00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:53,051 To come crawling back, just save it. 395 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:55,520 I'm doing awesome without you. 396 00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:58,256 Even better now, 'cause I can play 397 00:15:58,258 --> 00:15:59,824 The sympathy card with the females. 398 00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,893 And btw, 399 00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:04,629 There's one bone downstairs that ain't broken. 400 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,997 Marshall, 401 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:09,233 You know what I'm talking about. 402 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,601 Up top! 403 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,437 Hup! 404 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,738 Are you sure? 405 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,574 Yeah, dude. Why do you think I had them set it this way? 406 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,810 Okay. 407 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,679 Ow! 408 00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:24,916 Worth it. 409 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,455 Barney, you, uh... 410 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,557 You could've died. 411 00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,928 Ted, I'm sorry I broke the bro code. 412 00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,696 No, I'm-I'm sorry. 413 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,600 Ted, can we be friends again? 414 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:46,537 Barney, come on, we're... We're more than friends. 415 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,039 We're brothers. 416 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:50,975 You're my brother, ted. You're my 417 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,310 Brother, barney. 418 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,446 Did you hear that, marshall? 419 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,781 We're brothers now. 420 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,116 Marshall's my brother, too. 421 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,852 We're all brothers. 422 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,121 Yeah, but I'm your best brother, right? 423 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,723 And that's how your uncle barney 424 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,793 It got pretty mushy and embarrassing after that. 425 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,328 Let's skip ahead. 426 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,563 I had to look away because if I watched 427 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,132 What the paramedics were about to do, 428 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,566 I would have passed out. 429 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,035 Then they took out this 430 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:20,471 Electric blade thing and I kept thinking, 431 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,807 "this isn't happening. This isn't happening." 432 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,243 Oh, my god. What did they cut? 433 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,145 My suit. 434 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,747 My beautiful suit. 435 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:33,918 But you're alive, and, and ted's alive. 436 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,653 This is amazing! 437 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:39,023 Two miracles in one day. 438 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,560 What is the matter with you? 439 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,896 How can you possibly be this cynical?! 440 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,230 You want to know? Yeah. 441 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,598 You really want to know? Yeah! 442 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,034 Fine. 443 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:51,269 When I was a kid, 444 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,271 I had this dog, sir scratchawan. 445 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:58,009 Anyway, sir scratchawan got really old, 446 00:17:58,011 --> 00:17:59,844 So my parents decided to put him down. 447 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:03,581 It was the toughest day of my young life. 448 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,616 Good-bye, sir scratchawan. 449 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,251 I love you. 450 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,621 And when they took him to the vet, 451 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,558 He told them that earlier that very day, 452 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,526 He had learned about an experimental procedure 453 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,696 Called a canine/testudine cerebro-xenograft. 454 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,931 Ever heard of it? 455 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,232 No. 456 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,734 Well, it saved sir scratchawan's life. 457 00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,203 He lived another seven years. 458 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:27,472 Miracle. Except for one... 459 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,874 Kind of big side effect from the surgery. 460 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,043 Sir scratchawan! 461 00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:33,811 Welcome home! 462 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,149 He turned into a turtle. 463 00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,818 I know. It's weird, right? 464 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,554 Apparently, a very common complication 465 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,390 From canine/testudine cerebro-xenografts. 466 00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:49,827 And he didn't seem to remember any of his old tricks. 467 00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:52,730 Go get it, scratchy. 468 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:53,732 Go get it! 469 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,900 Go get it! Get it! 470 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,401 Go get it, scratchy. 471 00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,170 Go get it. 472 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:02,840 How long was it before...? 473 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,742 Longer than I'm proud of, lily. 474 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,178 Longer than I'm proud of. 475 00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:09,647 And that's when I realized 476 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,415 Miracles ain't real. 477 00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:13,251 Excuse me. 478 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,155 Mosby, you're still here? 479 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,590 Your tests came back, like, an hour ago. You're fine. 480 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,692 Are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me?! 481 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:22,927 I'm sorry. 482 00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,429 I guess it was rude of me to keep resuscitating that guy 483 00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,532 With a rake sticking out of his chest. 484 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,801 Um, I have to go right now. Barney, I... 485 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,670 Go. 486 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,606 Run, ted. Run. 487 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,009 If there's anything I've taught you over the years, it's... 488 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,278 Barney, he left. Oh. 489 00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:43,181 Hey, ted said that right before the accident, 490 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,982 His life flashed before his eyes. 491 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,284 You know, all the stuff he loves. 492 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,119 Did that happen to you? Oh, yeah. 493 00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:50,621 I know what he saw: Boobs. Scotch. 494 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,056 And money. 495 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,791 Suits. A suit of money. 496 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:54,959 A suit of boobs. 497 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,962 A giant boob wearing a suit of money. 498 00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:01,332 And the boob is lactating scotch. 499 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:04,535 I guess that's pretty much everything you love, right? 500 00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:08,239 Yeah, pretty much. 501 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,176 Narrator: Kids, a lot of weird, random things 502 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,678 Have happened in my life, 503 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,713 But that car accident is one of the few 504 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,716 That I'd call a miracle, not because of what happened, 505 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,586 But because of what happened next. 506 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:24,922 Hi. 507 00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,158 Hi. 508 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,759 Can I talk to you? 509 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,828 Okay. 510 00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:36,667 I got you this orange kangaroo. 511 00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:40,404 Uh... Thanks. 512 00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:44,041 So I've been thinking about what changed 513 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,509 From the moment I broke up with you 514 00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:48,012 To the moment I knew I wanted you back. 515 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:51,749 And, um, I think I finally figured out what happened. 516 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,019 Your cab got t-boned by a jackass on a cell phone? 517 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,922 No. I changed. 518 00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:00,791 I'm ready to give you what you need. 519 00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,193 That's why I spent 520 00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,295 Ten minutes on the damn claw machine 521 00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:06,897 Trying to get the big, fake diamond ring. 522 00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:10,568 But all I could get was this orange kangaroo. 523 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,703 Diamond ring? 524 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,307 Will you marry me?