1
00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:04,643
Barney is crazy
if he thinks this is gonna work.
2
00:00:04,753 --> 00:00:06,779
- I think it's gonna work.
- I hope it doesn't work.
3
00:00:06,889 --> 00:00:08,857
(SHUSHING) Here he comes.
4
00:00:12,396 --> 00:00:14,660
- You there, what's your name?
- Excuse me?
5
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,097
Your name, woman, what's your name?
6
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,362
- Cindy.
- I knew it.
7
00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:20,767
You're the Cindy,
8
00:00:20,872 --> 00:00:25,867
the one who can change everything,
or spell our inevitable doom.
9
00:00:25,978 --> 00:00:27,775
Now listen to me, Cindy.
10
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,477
I am Barney Stinson, and I am
on an urgent mission from the future.
11
00:00:32,585 --> 00:00:35,577
- The future?
- The future, and I can prove it to you.
12
00:00:35,689 --> 00:00:37,020
In exactly four seconds,
13
00:00:37,123 --> 00:00:39,615
the woman at that booth
is going to slap that man.
14
00:00:39,727 --> 00:00:40,694
(CLEARS THROAT)
15
00:00:42,730 --> 00:00:44,630
Ow! What the hell?
16
00:00:44,732 --> 00:00:46,530
- Wow!
- In a few minutes,
17
00:00:46,635 --> 00:00:51,732
the young me from your time
is going to come through that door.
18
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:57,746
Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane,
but in order to save the planet,
19
00:00:57,847 --> 00:01:01,147
you need to sleep with him tonight.
20
00:01:01,251 --> 00:01:04,652
- What? I...
- Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight,
21
00:01:04,755 --> 00:01:06,883
in whatever way he wants it,
22
00:01:06,992 --> 00:01:10,393
or he won't be able to find
the solution to global warming
23
00:01:10,495 --> 00:01:12,360
that saves the human race.
24
00:01:12,464 --> 00:01:15,457
- What are you talking about?
- I have no time to explain.
25
00:01:15,568 --> 00:01:19,869
I have to get back to the reality accelerator
before the vortex closes.
26
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,633
Only you can save us, Cindy. I must away!
27
00:01:26,113 --> 00:01:29,140
Okay, guys, the movers are coming
in 14 hours.
28
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,047
We've got to get back upstairs
and finish packing.
29
00:01:31,152 --> 00:01:34,589
You guys still aren't finished packing?
How is this taking so long?
30
00:01:34,690 --> 00:01:38,126
Hey, all the great memories of our 20s
took place in that apartment.
31
00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:41,196
It's not like throwing stuff in a box.
You start to reminisce.
32
00:01:41,297 --> 00:01:44,027
Not me. The key?
Throw stuff out, never look back.
33
00:01:44,134 --> 00:01:46,432
I'm moving to Japan.
It took me a half hour to pack.
34
00:01:46,536 --> 00:01:48,732
- A half hour?
- Well, it would have taken me 20 minutes,
35
00:01:48,839 --> 00:01:50,602
but a friend called me in tears.
36
00:01:50,708 --> 00:01:55,874
- Moving is really emotional, okay?
- It is. I mean, everything is changing.
37
00:01:55,981 --> 00:01:57,539
I'm gonna be living in New Jersey
with Stella,
38
00:01:57,649 --> 00:01:58,911
you guys will be in your new place.
39
00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:01,452
- You're starting a new job in Tokyo.
- Hmm.
40
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,579
I mean, it's the end of an era.
41
00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:06,283
I think we should have a toast,
but not our usual crap.
42
00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:09,624
Hey, Wendy,
your most expensive bottle of Scotch.
43
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:13,689
That's 50-year-old Glen McKenna,
and it's $2,500.
44
00:02:13,802 --> 00:02:16,532
Excellent.
A bottle of that with beer chasers,
45
00:02:16,638 --> 00:02:19,869
- and what do you think, cancel the Scotch?
- Yeah.
46
00:02:20,943 --> 00:02:24,242
- (SIGHS) Vodka rocks.
- It's not gonna work.
47
00:02:24,346 --> 00:02:29,910
Oh, my God! You're... Oh, my God!
Can I buy you a drink?
48
00:02:31,521 --> 00:02:35,515
Oh. Yeah,
I suppose I have time for one drink
49
00:02:35,626 --> 00:02:38,117
and 45 minutes to an hour
of some other activity,
50
00:02:38,229 --> 00:02:39,491
but after that, I have to get back
51
00:02:39,597 --> 00:02:42,692
to a top-secret research project
I'm working on.
52
00:02:43,535 --> 00:02:48,200
- Global warming?
- My God! How did you know that?
53
00:02:48,224 --> 00:02:54,224
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
54
00:03:02,824 --> 00:03:04,155
Hey, look at this.
55
00:03:04,259 --> 00:03:06,819
A photo from the first day
we moved into this place.
56
00:03:07,162 --> 00:03:08,755
(BOTH EX CLAIMING)
57
00:03:08,865 --> 00:03:10,332
So many great memories.
58
00:03:10,433 --> 00:03:14,369
See? That is exactly the type
of crap you should be trashing.
59
00:03:14,470 --> 00:03:16,405
So you don't keep any photos?
60
00:03:16,507 --> 00:03:20,034
No, they're like love letters
or yearbooks or someone's ashes.
61
00:03:20,144 --> 00:03:21,703
They just take up space.
62
00:03:21,813 --> 00:03:24,304
Besides, Stella's not gonna
let you keep half of this junk.
63
00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:25,643
Why wouldn't she?
64
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:27,012
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
65
00:03:27,118 --> 00:03:28,916
Oh, Ted, oh, sweetie.
66
00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:33,151
Okay, here's the thing that guys only learn
after they move in with a woman.
67
00:03:33,259 --> 00:03:36,058
- All of your stuff is stupid.
- Like what?
68
00:03:36,329 --> 00:03:39,890
Um... Like anything you bought
at a Renaissance fair.
69
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:44,370
Hey, there's not enough mead in the world
to make me get rid of my flail.
70
00:03:44,872 --> 00:03:48,205
Oh, hey, Ted, since we're clearly
not getting our security deposit back,
71
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,471
I thought maybe you could reimburse me
for my half.
72
00:03:50,579 --> 00:03:53,139
Wait a second.
Why should I have to pay more than you?
73
00:03:53,248 --> 00:03:54,579
Because you treated this apartment
74
00:03:54,683 --> 00:03:57,346
the way John Bonham
treated his central nervous system.
75
00:03:57,453 --> 00:04:00,286
- That's not true.
- Exhibit A.
76
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,620
- Hey.
- Hey.
77
00:04:04,728 --> 00:04:08,665
- What's that?
- A 1986 World Book Encyclopaedia.
78
00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:12,134
- It's exactly the one I grew up with.
- Encyclo-pay-dia?
79
00:04:12,237 --> 00:04:15,730
(CHUCKLING) Oh. You think it should
be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia.
80
00:04:15,841 --> 00:04:17,240
It's a common mistake.
81
00:04:17,343 --> 00:04:21,302
But if you look up that squished together
"A-E" symbol in this here encyclopaedia,
82
00:04:21,414 --> 00:04:25,545
you'll learn that it's a ligature derived
from the Anglo-Saxon rune ash...
83
00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:34,390
You know, you're gonna have
to pay-dia for that.
84
00:04:35,931 --> 00:04:39,526
But you never did.
And then, there's Exhibit B.
85
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:48,038
Good morrow, fair gentles.
Look what I won at the Renaissance Faire.
86
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:55,048
And you're also responsible
for any damage Robin did
87
00:04:55,152 --> 00:04:58,680
- while she was your girlfriend.
- Whoa! What damage did I cause?
88
00:04:58,991 --> 00:05:00,822
Do you remember that night
when you drank the 12er of Molson
89
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,157
and you got all super-Canadian?
90
00:05:06,065 --> 00:05:08,625
Stanley Cup, Game 6, eh?
91
00:05:08,735 --> 00:05:12,729
The Rangers are about to be sorry
they ever played shinny with the Canucks.
92
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,307
- MARSHALL: Hey. Hey, Robin.
- Yeah?
93
00:05:14,408 --> 00:05:16,536
I'll give you 20 bucks if you
can shoot it through this front door.
94
00:05:16,645 --> 00:05:17,839
(LAUGHING)
95
00:05:17,946 --> 00:05:21,109
You're nuttier
than a Tim Horton's maple log.
96
00:05:21,316 --> 00:05:22,681
Timmy Ho!
97
00:05:22,818 --> 00:05:23,785
(EX CLAIMING)
98
00:05:24,186 --> 00:05:26,381
That's it, Robin. Give me the stick.
99
00:05:27,556 --> 00:05:31,618
I'll give you summer teeth.
Some are here, some are there.
100
00:05:32,029 --> 00:05:34,088
Robin, give me the stick.
101
00:05:34,197 --> 00:05:36,598
- Take off, hoser.
- MEN: Whoa!
102
00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:38,225
- That's it!
- Hey, hey!
103
00:05:38,336 --> 00:05:40,270
- Get her, boys, get her!
- You want to scrap? I'll scrap!
104
00:05:40,371 --> 00:05:42,566
- Guys, come on!
- Go America!
105
00:05:42,674 --> 00:05:46,008
All right. All right, break it, break it up!
106
00:05:46,111 --> 00:05:51,982
Ted, no! You never break up a girl fight!
Never!
107
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,052
(GRUNTING)
108
00:05:55,255 --> 00:06:00,193
Entirely Barney's fault. As, by the way,
is the big scorch mark over the fireplace.
109
00:06:02,697 --> 00:06:05,326
OLDER TED: Kids, to understand the story
of the scorch mark,
110
00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:08,926
I first need to tell you the story
of the intervention for our friend Stuart.
111
00:06:09,037 --> 00:06:13,304
- What's going on?
- Stuart, this is an intervention.
112
00:06:14,877 --> 00:06:19,645
"The alcohol changes you, Stuart.
It makes you a different person.
113
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:22,776
"And I'm in love
with the man that I married."
114
00:06:23,555 --> 00:06:24,852
Thank you.
115
00:06:25,757 --> 00:06:30,126
This is just the push I need.
I love you guys.
116
00:06:30,228 --> 00:06:31,196
(SIGHING)
117
00:06:31,731 --> 00:06:35,497
Hey, hey! There's the birthday boy.
118
00:06:35,601 --> 00:06:39,197
Time to let the party monster
out of its cage, Stewie!
119
00:06:39,306 --> 00:06:41,968
- No!
- (CHUCKLES) Come on, buddy.
120
00:06:42,309 --> 00:06:44,608
People don't want to see
Bruce Banner, dude.
121
00:06:44,712 --> 00:06:49,376
They want to see the Hulk.
Hulk. Hulk. Hulk. What?
122
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,178
Oh.
123
00:06:54,857 --> 00:06:56,154
(CHUCKLES)
124
00:06:56,258 --> 00:06:59,023
That's what I get for skimming the Evite.
125
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:03,688
OLDER TED: Later that day, we celebrated
our first successful intervention.
126
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,235
I'm really proud of us for helping Stuart.
127
00:07:06,337 --> 00:07:09,602
Yeah, what an amazing,
honest, human moment.
128
00:07:09,707 --> 00:07:11,733
I agree. Yay us.
129
00:07:12,210 --> 00:07:15,008
Marshall, are you really gonna
keep wearing that hat?
130
00:07:15,113 --> 00:07:17,047
Yeah, it's been two weeks, Marshall.
131
00:07:17,149 --> 00:07:22,053
Two awesome weeks.
And heck, yeah, I'm gonna keep wearing it.
132
00:07:28,996 --> 00:07:30,861
- Hey.
- Marshall,
133
00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:34,559
this is an intervention.
134
00:07:35,103 --> 00:07:41,304
- It's about the hat.
- What? No. I have it under control, okay?
135
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,376
I can take it off whenever I want.
136
00:07:45,515 --> 00:07:47,813
"Dear Marshall,
137
00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:53,084
"I do not like that stupid hat.
I want to beat it with a bat.
138
00:07:53,191 --> 00:07:58,220
"Or maybe stab it with a fork.
It makes you look like such a dork."
139
00:07:58,997 --> 00:08:00,624
OLDER TED: After that,
interventions became a
140
00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:02,427
pretty regular thing around our apartment.
141
00:08:02,534 --> 00:08:03,762
(SHUSHING)
142
00:08:06,239 --> 00:08:08,639
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Cor blimey.
143
00:08:08,741 --> 00:08:11,403
This is a nice bloody surprise.
What's this about, then?
144
00:08:11,946 --> 00:08:16,076
Lily, it's about
the weird, fake English accent.
145
00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:18,380
Bollocks.
146
00:08:20,088 --> 00:08:21,077
I think we should...
147
00:08:21,189 --> 00:08:22,486
(BARNEY CLEARING THROAT)
148
00:08:24,826 --> 00:08:26,192
Spray tan?
149
00:08:29,031 --> 00:08:31,499
(CRYING) They reel you in with a coupon,
and then you just get hooked.
150
00:08:31,601 --> 00:08:35,971
Oh, we know, sweetie, we know.
No, no, no, no, this is a new sweater.
151
00:08:39,544 --> 00:08:42,240
- What?
- The magic tricks.
152
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:46,546
- Specifically, those involving fire.
- Magic tricks?
153
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:49,587
Guys, interventions are supposed
to help people,
154
00:08:49,688 --> 00:08:53,181
not attack every little thing
you don't like about them.
155
00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:57,897
I'm sorry, but that really steams me.
That really burns me up!
156
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:03,327
I mean, I am filled with a white-hot rage!
157
00:09:04,205 --> 00:09:05,172
(GRUNTING)
158
00:09:05,574 --> 00:09:07,007
(SHOUTING)
159
00:09:07,676 --> 00:09:09,075
(ALL SCREAMING)
160
00:09:09,177 --> 00:09:10,667
Thank you.
161
00:09:12,849 --> 00:09:14,714
- Oh, shoot.
- I smell hair! I smell hair!
162
00:09:14,817 --> 00:09:16,910
OLDER TED: And that's the story
of the scorch mark.
163
00:09:17,654 --> 00:09:18,780
Wait, that's weird.
164
00:09:18,888 --> 00:09:23,155
When I was going through the closet,
I thought I saw the intervention banner.
165
00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:24,352
So?
166
00:09:24,461 --> 00:09:27,795
So, the banner burned up.
Why is there a new one?
167
00:09:27,899 --> 00:09:31,858
And there are sealed letters
here from all of you that say "Ted."
168
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:34,273
Were you guys planning
an intervention for me?
169
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:34,705
Were you guys planning
an intervention for me?
170
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:38,140
Oh, that. That was stupid.
Yeah, just forget about that.
171
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,440
What was it for? The Crocs?
172
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,576
- The hair product?
- Not Stella.
173
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:47,047
Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
174
00:09:47,155 --> 00:09:52,992
I just said "Not Stella." So maybe it was
about your poor listening skills, Ted.
175
00:09:53,095 --> 00:09:55,461
- What?
- It's out of control. See?
176
00:09:56,432 --> 00:09:59,299
You guys don't think I should marry Stella.
177
00:10:02,739 --> 00:10:04,502
You guys don't think I should marry Stella.
178
00:10:04,608 --> 00:10:07,407
Ted, we do. We're all really happy for you.
179
00:10:07,511 --> 00:10:10,969
- Yeah, like I said, it was stupid.
- Well, obviously, it wasn't,
180
00:10:11,082 --> 00:10:13,244
because we agreed not to have
any more stupid interventions
181
00:10:13,352 --> 00:10:14,546
at our intervention intervention.
182
00:10:16,655 --> 00:10:18,714
We're having too many interventions.
183
00:10:19,926 --> 00:10:23,521
So, what was your big, serious
problem with me and Stella?
184
00:10:24,197 --> 00:10:27,565
Yes! Yes! In everyone's face!
185
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,659
You all said the future-Barney thing
wouldn't work.
186
00:10:29,770 --> 00:10:34,265
You told me I was crazy.
My shrink told me I was crazy.
187
00:10:34,376 --> 00:10:38,676
Well, who's the narcissist with severe
attachment disorder now, Dr. Grossbard?
188
00:10:41,217 --> 00:10:44,152
- Intervention banner? What's that for?
- Stella.
189
00:10:44,253 --> 00:10:45,220
Oh.
190
00:10:47,357 --> 00:10:51,020
- "Ted, I cannot stand idly by..."
- You've just been carrying that around?
191
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:54,724
Please, Ted? "I cannot stand idly by
192
00:10:54,832 --> 00:10:59,269
"while you make the biggest mistake
any man can make. Getting married.
193
00:10:59,370 --> 00:11:05,207
"Mark my words, this whole thing
is gonna go up in flames!"
194
00:11:06,111 --> 00:11:09,309
Oh, damn! I put the flame cue too early.
195
00:11:09,416 --> 00:11:11,475
I had so many more
important things to say, and...
196
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:16,613
The point is, Ted, marriage is stupid.
197
00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:23,292
Every year, there are a million
new, hot 22-year-olds walking into bars,
198
00:11:23,398 --> 00:11:27,426
and call me "glass-half-full,"
but I think they're getting dumber.
199
00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:28,997
Oh, come on, Barney,
200
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:33,166
even you aren't still gonna be
hitting on 22-year-olds when you're 80.
201
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:36,007
- I accept that challenge.
- What challenge?
202
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:41,279
To prove to you that I will be exactly
this awesome when I'm 80,
203
00:11:41,386 --> 00:11:45,982
I will hook up with a 22-year-old
while in my old-man makeup.
204
00:11:46,758 --> 00:11:49,523
I didn't remotely challenge you to that.
205
00:11:49,628 --> 00:11:54,156
I mean, I definitely want to see it.
But I didn't remotely challenge you to that.
206
00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:57,498
- I want to hear the other letters.
- Ted, this is ridiculous.
207
00:11:57,604 --> 00:12:00,937
- We changed our minds.
- And suppose you change them back?
208
00:12:01,041 --> 00:12:03,340
Lily, come on, let's hear yours.
209
00:12:07,515 --> 00:12:10,883
"Gilbert's reading skills have
improved drastically since..."
210
00:12:10,986 --> 00:12:15,515
Wait, this is a letter I meant to send home
with one of my kindergarteners.
211
00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:16,781
Uh-oh.
212
00:12:16,893 --> 00:12:21,331
Gilbert, are things moving too fast
between you and a girl named Stella?
213
00:12:21,966 --> 00:12:23,126
I wish.
214
00:12:26,971 --> 00:12:28,963
Robin, could I hear yours?
215
00:12:32,177 --> 00:12:33,439
(SIGHS)
216
00:12:34,746 --> 00:12:38,581
"Dear Ted, it's encyclo-pee-dia,
not encyclo-pay-dia.
217
00:12:38,684 --> 00:12:41,745
"Why do you always say things
in the most pretentious way possible?
218
00:12:41,855 --> 00:12:46,349
"It makes you sound douchey,
and that's douche-ee, not douch-ay."
219
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:49,988
Yeah, you already read that one
at my pronunciation intervention.
220
00:12:50,098 --> 00:12:53,727
- Where's the letter about Stella?
- I didn't write one. I'm your ex-girlfriend.
221
00:12:53,835 --> 00:12:56,999
I figured anything I said on the subject
would sound catty.
222
00:12:57,106 --> 00:12:59,802
Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares?
223
00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:03,005
Marshall?
224
00:13:03,113 --> 00:13:06,105
- Dude, it's water under the bridge...
- Please.
225
00:13:06,216 --> 00:13:07,183
(SIGHS)
226
00:13:13,057 --> 00:13:16,994
"Dear Ted,
Stella seems like a wonderful person.
227
00:13:19,164 --> 00:13:22,396
"But you don't know her
well enough to get married.
228
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,969
"You certainly don't know her well enough
229
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:27,130
"to commit
to raising a 7-year-old with her.
230
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:34,838
"You're not doing her, her child or yourself
any favors by rushing into this.
231
00:13:34,949 --> 00:13:36,417
"Just give it some more time."
232
00:13:38,587 --> 00:13:42,752
Dude, that was months ago, all right?
That was before we got to know Stella,
233
00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:46,420
and see how awesome she is
and what a great couple you guys are.
234
00:13:46,529 --> 00:13:49,397
That's why we decided not
to even have that intervention.
235
00:13:49,499 --> 00:13:52,400
Thank you. Because I really need you guys
to be on board with this.
236
00:13:52,502 --> 00:13:55,164
- And we are.
- We hope you're not mad at us.
237
00:13:55,272 --> 00:13:59,039
Of course not. I mean,
it's not like what you said was crazy.
238
00:14:00,278 --> 00:14:02,679
- You had a lot of valid concerns.
- Yeah, but concerns
239
00:14:02,781 --> 00:14:05,215
we have completely moved on from.
240
00:14:05,317 --> 00:14:09,448
But you had a point. I mean,
this whole thing has moved pretty fast.
241
00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:13,424
Well, you know what? Maybe that's
because when it's right, you just know.
242
00:14:13,526 --> 00:14:17,827
Yeah, I guess, but we are still
getting to know each other.
243
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:22,566
And, Lily, maybe you're right.
Maybe Stella won't like any of my stuff.
244
00:14:23,105 --> 00:14:25,369
Like the robot cookie jar.
245
00:14:26,141 --> 00:14:28,371
This was, like, the first thing
we bought for this place, remember?
246
00:14:28,477 --> 00:14:30,002
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, of course I do.
247
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,710
(IN ROBOTIC VOICE) Marshall,
my sensors indicate
248
00:14:32,815 --> 00:14:36,273
that your pecan-sandy levels
are dangerously low.
249
00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:40,988
(EX CLAIMS) My collection of
James Bond movies.
250
00:14:41,091 --> 00:14:42,786
Remember? We watched them all in order,
251
00:14:42,893 --> 00:14:46,386
and then Lily spoke in that weird
English accent for, like, the next month?
252
00:14:46,498 --> 00:14:47,931
- It was sophisticated.
- No.
253
00:14:48,066 --> 00:14:49,294
- Nope.
- No.
254
00:14:50,169 --> 00:14:54,833
My signed Bernie Kosar cleats.
My elephant lamp.
255
00:14:54,941 --> 00:14:58,241
The English phone booth. My sombrero!
256
00:14:58,445 --> 00:14:59,571
(CHUCKLES)
257
00:15:01,114 --> 00:15:03,549
- Ted, what are you doing?
- Unpacking.
258
00:15:03,651 --> 00:15:06,381
(EX CITEDLY) I am never
leaving this apartment.
259
00:15:06,487 --> 00:15:08,250
(LAUGHING)
260
00:15:13,529 --> 00:15:16,931
No, no, Ted, stop unpacking.
You're just freaking out.
261
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:18,557
I'm not ready for all the responsibility.
262
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:22,764
And I'm certainly not ready to be
a stepdad to a 7-year-old.
263
00:15:22,872 --> 00:15:26,104
I mean, if I get married and move
to the suburbs, in the blink of an eye,
264
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:27,575
I've become an old man!
265
00:15:30,181 --> 00:15:32,673
Why, hello, young lady.
266
00:15:32,918 --> 00:15:35,113
You want a butterscotch candy?
267
00:15:35,988 --> 00:15:39,652
What do you mean, "Nothing in common?"
We're both seniors.
268
00:15:41,694 --> 00:15:42,991
(LAUGHING)
269
00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:48,264
- You're cute. How old are you?
- 83.
270
00:15:48,369 --> 00:15:50,530
- How old are you?
- Thirty-one.
271
00:15:50,638 --> 00:15:51,605
(EX CLAIMS)
272
00:15:54,242 --> 00:15:56,642
Okay, Ted has officially snapped.
273
00:15:56,745 --> 00:15:58,907
There are moving men coming
in 10 hours.
274
00:15:59,015 --> 00:16:02,974
His fiancée is waiting for him
in New Jersey. We have to do something.
275
00:16:03,085 --> 00:16:04,417
I've got this.
276
00:16:07,958 --> 00:16:10,256
- Hey, bud?
- Hey.
277
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,421
- Why don't you come here for a minute?
- What?
278
00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:16,989
Look, I want you to know
this is all totally normal.
279
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:22,369
Big transitions can be scary, and cold feet,
well, they're just part of the deal.
280
00:16:22,474 --> 00:16:27,606
So how about you give me the knife?
Give me the knife.
281
00:16:28,515 --> 00:16:29,777
Come on.
282
00:16:32,553 --> 00:16:33,781
So I can start unpacking, too.
283
00:16:33,888 --> 00:16:35,856
I'm staying here
right by your side forever, buddy!
284
00:16:35,956 --> 00:16:36,980
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
285
00:16:37,091 --> 00:16:41,188
- Marshall!
- Lily, our lives have been good here.
286
00:16:41,296 --> 00:16:42,957
That's why we've been putting off packing.
287
00:16:43,065 --> 00:16:46,524
Because, subconsciously, we both know
that it would be stupid to leave.
288
00:16:46,636 --> 00:16:49,696
It's safe and warm here.
There's a bar downstairs
289
00:16:49,806 --> 00:16:51,536
and a cookie robot in the kitchen.
290
00:16:51,642 --> 00:16:54,634
- This is my home, and I'm never leaving!
- Listen to you.
291
00:16:54,745 --> 00:16:57,305
You sound like that fat,
dweeby kid at camp.
292
00:16:57,414 --> 00:16:59,042
"Mom, Dad, I want to come home.
293
00:16:59,150 --> 00:17:01,948
"The cool kids are playing Keep Away
with my inhaler."
294
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:04,817
I can't believe my dad
read that letter at our wedding.
295
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,391
Marshall, you can't do this to Lily.
296
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:08,585
Yes, I know your new place
has had some problems,
297
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:12,028
with the slanted floors
and the nearby sewage treatment plant,
298
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:15,590
but you're gonna turn it into a great home.
Tell him, Lily.
299
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:19,662
It's a black hole where dreams go to die.
I'm not moving, either.
300
00:17:19,774 --> 00:17:21,105
- Oh, come on!
- Yes!
301
00:17:21,209 --> 00:17:23,234
Okay, you guys finish unpacking.
302
00:17:23,344 --> 00:17:26,212
I'm gonna go bake some cookies
to fill R2-Sweet Tooth.
303
00:17:27,149 --> 00:17:31,883
Oh, my God, look at you cowards!
So afraid of any kind of change.
304
00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:33,819
So terrified of anything new.
305
00:17:33,957 --> 00:17:37,654
So desperate to cling to anything
comfortable and familiar.
306
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,524
I can't move to Japan.
307
00:17:39,897 --> 00:17:41,057
- Yes!
- Whoa!
308
00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:45,569
What was I thinking? It's so far away
and I don't speak the language.
309
00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:47,900
I don't even have any good pictures
of you guys.
310
00:17:48,006 --> 00:17:49,667
Oh, sweetie.
311
00:17:50,108 --> 00:17:54,170
Everybody says change is so great, right?
But what's so great about change?
312
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,942
Hey, who wants to walk
down to our same old bar,
313
00:17:57,049 --> 00:17:59,314
sit in our regular booth
and order the usual?
314
00:17:59,419 --> 00:18:02,445
- Yeah!
- The usual! My favorite!
315
00:18:05,392 --> 00:18:07,122
Oh, my God.
316
00:18:07,729 --> 00:18:08,696
(EX CLAIMS)
317
00:18:12,434 --> 00:18:18,373
Well, well, well.
I believe someone owes me $200.
318
00:18:18,474 --> 00:18:20,602
Barney, this was never a bet. Nobody...
319
00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:24,544
This proves that I will be
this awesome when I'm 80.
320
00:18:24,648 --> 00:18:26,617
Arthritis-five.
321
00:18:29,854 --> 00:18:31,253
I'm moving to New Jersey.
322
00:18:31,355 --> 00:18:33,347
- What?
- And you and Marshall should move
323
00:18:33,458 --> 00:18:35,688
to your new place,
and Robin should go to Japan.
324
00:18:35,794 --> 00:18:36,761
Why?
325
00:18:36,862 --> 00:18:39,330
Because we're gonna get older
whether we like it or not,
326
00:18:39,432 --> 00:18:43,266
so the only question is,
whether we want to get on with our lives
327
00:18:43,369 --> 00:18:46,999
or desperately cling to the past
and end up like that?
328
00:18:47,107 --> 00:18:48,734
You mean awesome?
329
00:18:49,076 --> 00:18:53,707
I'm 80, dude,
and I'm making out with a 22-year-old.
330
00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:56,847
Take me to your place, chéri.
331
00:18:56,985 --> 00:19:02,014
- I want to see your World War II medals.
- In a minute, mon petit.
332
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:05,554
- All right, so that doesn't count.
- What? Why?
333
00:19:05,661 --> 00:19:09,257
She's French. That's like playing tennis
with the net down.
334
00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:12,563
You know what?
I'll cover the security deposit.
335
00:19:12,669 --> 00:19:15,639
I'm glad to,
because every dent in that place
336
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,038
represents a memory
that I'll cherish forever.
337
00:19:18,142 --> 00:19:22,982
But on one condition. We all put aside
10 bucks every week for the next year,
338
00:19:23,082 --> 00:19:26,245
and we come back here
and we buy that 50-year-old Scotch,
339
00:19:26,352 --> 00:19:30,050
and we toast the incredible
life-changing year we've all had.
340
00:19:30,156 --> 00:19:31,919
Get out of our booth.
341
00:19:35,162 --> 00:19:38,256
Me with my new family,
Marshall and Lily in their new apartment,
342
00:19:38,366 --> 00:19:41,632
and Robin as the number-one
English-speaking journalist
343
00:19:41,737 --> 00:19:46,834
in the Pacific Rim, visiting us
here in New York to celebrate this day,
344
00:19:46,943 --> 00:19:50,310
the day we closed
an incredible chapter in our lives,
345
00:19:50,413 --> 00:19:52,347
only to open up a new one.
346
00:19:53,016 --> 00:19:56,316
- Um. I think I left my cell...
- Get out of here!
347
00:19:58,255 --> 00:20:00,052
OLDER TED: And one year later,
that's exactly what we did.
348
00:20:01,259 --> 00:20:05,662
And so, let's raise a glass of $2,500 Scotch
for one hell of a year.
349
00:20:05,764 --> 00:20:06,731
BARNEY: Hmm.
350
00:20:10,269 --> 00:20:12,362
- Amazing.
- That's unbelievable.
351
00:20:12,471 --> 00:20:16,135
It's kind of smoky,
with a hint of aged cedar, and...
352
00:20:16,243 --> 00:20:18,302
Do you guys taste the difference
between this and $10 Scotch?
353
00:20:18,412 --> 00:20:19,436
- Not at all.
- No difference.
354
00:20:19,546 --> 00:20:20,946
I want to cut mine with Red Bull.
355
00:20:21,049 --> 00:20:23,609
- Oh, Wendy, will you take a picture?
- Sure.
356
00:20:24,385 --> 00:20:26,853
OLDER TED: A lot of things
did change that year,
357
00:20:27,322 --> 00:20:28,620
but some things stayed the same.
358
00:20:29,325 --> 00:20:32,988
So, what do you say we move this party
upstairs to the apartment?
359
00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:34,620
- Yeah.
- Great idea.
360
00:20:43,874 --> 00:20:45,535
What the...
361
00:20:46,677 --> 00:20:49,010
Barney, this is an intervention.
362
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:52,510
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
363
00:20:52,617 --> 00:20:57,521
- All right, enough with the old-man bit.
- What about the old sand pit?
364
00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:02,721
- Let it go.
- Let it snow? I love that old ditty!
365
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:08,024
- I'm getting my flail.
- You're setting sail?