1
00:00:02,110 --> 00:00:04,510
- Hey.
- LILY: Hey, guys, how's it going?

2
00:00:04,612 --> 00:00:06,705
- I'm just gonna finish this.
- You...

3
00:00:08,483 --> 00:00:10,508
We just had dinner
with Stella's sister and her fiancé.

4
00:00:10,618 --> 00:00:11,915
They're getting married before us.

5
00:00:12,020 --> 00:00:14,079
Okay, you know how you've dreamt
about your perfect wedding day

6
00:00:14,189 --> 00:00:15,315
ever since you were a little girl?

7
00:00:15,423 --> 00:00:16,856
- Yeah.
- Totally.

8
00:00:16,958 --> 00:00:19,222
My sister is stealing my dream wedding.

9
00:00:19,327 --> 00:00:22,785
Down to every last detail,
on Shelter Island, at sunset...

10
00:00:23,198 --> 00:00:27,259
...just down the beach
from our family's old summer house.

11
00:00:27,369 --> 00:00:31,533
- It's my dream wedding.
- I'm gonna finish this.

12
00:00:33,975 --> 00:00:37,309
- The lamb here is supposed to be great.
- I'm a vegan.

13
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:39,881
I wish I could tune out
that moral voice inside me

14
00:00:39,982 --> 00:00:42,473
that says eating animals is murder,

15
00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:45,850
but I guess
I'm just not as strong as you are.

16
00:00:45,955 --> 00:00:48,219
That's 'cause you need protein.

17
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,786
I'll have the lamb.

18
00:00:52,728 --> 00:00:57,028
Okay, new goal, I want our wedding
to kick her wedding's ass.

19
00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:59,294
I want our wedding
to take her wedding's head

20
00:00:59,402 --> 00:01:02,030
and shove it in the toilet
and flush it, like, 20 times.

21
00:01:02,138 --> 00:01:05,665
Ted, in high school,
you were her wedding, weren't you?

22
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,072
(MEN SNICKERING)

23
00:01:07,176 --> 00:01:09,076
You know, she's always trying
to one-up me.

24
00:01:09,178 --> 00:01:11,169
I mean, I love her,
but there's a little part of me

25
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,214
that kind of wishes
this whole thing would just fall apart.

26
00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,547
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him!

27
00:01:16,652 --> 00:01:19,587
God, this steak is so good!
Four days to go and he just runs off

28
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,781
with a vitamin consultant
from Whole Foods?

29
00:01:21,891 --> 00:01:25,019
I gave up make-up for him.
I gave up showering for him.

30
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:29,393
- I gave up shaving my armpits for him.
- Hard to imagine where it all went wrong.

31
00:01:29,832 --> 00:01:31,129
And now it's so close to the wedding...

32
00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:33,531
There's like bacon or something
in this dipping sauce. I love it.

33
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:36,764
I can't get any refunds.
I'm gonna be out thousands of dollars.

34
00:01:36,872 --> 00:01:38,737
<i>OLDER TED: Kids,
when you're in a relationship,</i>

35
00:01:38,841 --> 00:01:41,435
<i>you develop a kind of telepathy
with your partner.</i>

36
00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:44,803
<i>STELLA: What do you think?
We could help her out.</i>

37
00:01:44,914 --> 00:01:47,884
<i>TED: No, Stella, we should help her out.</i>

38
00:01:49,252 --> 00:01:51,015
<i>Let's pay for dinner.</i>

39
00:01:52,122 --> 00:01:55,990
Nora, don't worry. We got this.

40
00:01:56,593 --> 00:01:57,651
STELLA: That's right.

41
00:01:57,761 --> 00:02:00,628
We'll take over your wedding,
pay you back for everything you spent.

42
00:02:00,730 --> 00:02:03,392
Ted and I will get married this Sunday.

43
00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:09,416
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com

44
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:27,282
Wow! We're getting married this Sunday?
Are we sure we're ready for this?

45
00:02:27,390 --> 00:02:29,984
Ted, I wasted years
trying to get Lucy's dad

46
00:02:30,093 --> 00:02:33,756
to decide he was ready for this,
but he never got ready for this.

47
00:02:33,864 --> 00:02:38,096
That's why we never got married.
Come on, let's just be spontaneous.

48
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:41,864
I used to dream
that Tony would be spontaneous like this.

49
00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:45,999
Okay, I'm in. And I'm also spontaneous.

50
00:02:50,547 --> 00:02:52,606
I wish I hadn't done that.

51
00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:56,446
OLDER TED: Kids, morals usually come
at the end of stories,

52
00:02:56,553 --> 00:02:59,250
but this one is so important,
I'm gonna tell you now.

53
00:02:59,357 --> 00:03:02,053
Don't ever, ever invite
an ex to your wedding.

54
00:03:02,493 --> 00:03:05,792
<i>If someone had given me that advice,
well, it would have changed everything.</i>

55
00:03:05,897 --> 00:03:08,127
Come on, you've got to come.
It's my wedding.

56
00:03:08,232 --> 00:03:10,063
I can't. I'm in Tokyo.

57
00:03:10,601 --> 00:03:13,468
It's my first week on the job.
I can't just take off.

58
00:03:13,871 --> 00:03:17,307
Plus, I'm finally doing serious news.

59
00:03:18,709 --> 00:03:20,438
<i>OLDER TED: Robin was doing serious news.</i>

60
00:03:20,845 --> 00:03:23,177
<i>It was the number one English
news network in Japan.</i>

61
00:03:23,281 --> 00:03:25,181
<i>Of course, the news
is a little different over there.</i>

62
00:03:25,283 --> 00:03:27,717
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

63
00:03:27,818 --> 00:03:29,080
(GIANT FAN WHIRRING)

64
00:03:29,187 --> 00:03:34,318
The Federal Reserve Board voted
to leave interest rates unchanged.

65
00:03:34,959 --> 00:03:37,018
It's my wedding. You have to be there.

66
00:03:37,128 --> 00:03:39,722
Okay. Okay. I'll be there. I gotta go.

67
00:03:41,966 --> 00:03:42,990
Good evening.

68
00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:44,067
(CHITTERING)

69
00:03:45,536 --> 00:03:47,527
And I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

70
00:03:48,339 --> 00:03:51,069
Peace talks were stalled once again
in the Middle East.

71
00:03:51,175 --> 00:03:54,770
Despite a promising start
to the latest negotiations,

72
00:03:54,879 --> 00:03:57,507
talks foundered on security issues.

73
00:03:58,149 --> 00:04:00,049
- She's in.
- Yes.

74
00:04:00,151 --> 00:04:02,176
All right, Ted,
your bachelor party, tonight.

75
00:04:02,286 --> 00:04:03,344
I have got three of the most

76
00:04:03,454 --> 00:04:07,254
physically and morally flexible
exotic dancers you've ever seen...

77
00:04:07,359 --> 00:04:09,224
- Can't. There's no time.
- Okay, I'll let you know how it goes.

78
00:04:09,328 --> 00:04:11,660
Marshall, we should really
rent the cars for tomorrow, huh?

79
00:04:11,763 --> 00:04:12,855
MARSHALL: Sure.

80
00:04:13,532 --> 00:04:14,624
(LAUGHS)

81
00:04:16,501 --> 00:04:19,698
- What?
- No "Don't get married, Ted"?

82
00:04:19,805 --> 00:04:22,501
No "You're making a big mistake, Ted"?

83
00:04:22,608 --> 00:04:28,012
Barney Stinson, are you no longer
committed to the war on marriage?

84
00:04:28,113 --> 00:04:31,173
No, I just know a hopeless cause
when I see it.

85
00:04:31,283 --> 00:04:33,342
It's the same reason I don't recycle.

86
00:04:33,452 --> 00:04:38,389
Plus, Ted getting married
is in my best interest. You see,

87
00:04:39,124 --> 00:04:42,287
<i>lately I've been working on a problem
of the utmost importance.</i>

88
00:04:44,263 --> 00:04:45,992
<i>I confess I was stumped.</i>

89
00:04:46,098 --> 00:04:48,965
<i>Until one night I decided
to tackle it once and for all.</i>

90
00:05:03,315 --> 00:05:06,944
<i>Then, at last, I cracked the code.</i>

91
00:05:13,892 --> 00:05:16,759
- So you're back on Robin.
- Hopefully.

92
00:05:16,962 --> 00:05:19,124
I mean, this weekend
is the best chance ever

93
00:05:19,232 --> 00:05:20,631
to hook up with her again.

94
00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:23,566
You'll never pull it off.
There's too many distractions.

95
00:05:23,670 --> 00:05:25,695
The first drunk bridesmaid you see,

96
00:05:25,805 --> 00:05:29,502
you'll have your head under her dress
like an old-time photographer.

97
00:05:29,609 --> 00:05:31,873
Lily, don't cheapen this.

98
00:05:31,978 --> 00:05:35,914
I don't want to sound
all mushy-gushy and romantic,

99
00:05:36,015 --> 00:05:39,416
but this weekend,
Robin is the only woman I'm banging.

100
00:05:40,553 --> 00:05:41,577
<i>OLDER TED: And so,
the day before our wedding,</i>

101
00:05:42,355 --> 00:05:45,586
<i>Stella and I made the trip
up to Shelter Island.</i>

102
00:05:45,692 --> 00:05:47,785
<i>With everyone else not far behind.</i>

103
00:05:48,328 --> 00:05:49,727
- Zitch dog.
- Zitch dog.

104
00:05:52,632 --> 00:05:55,567
This isn't exactly
where I pictured Ted getting married.

105
00:05:55,668 --> 00:05:58,865
"The Namasté Yoga
and Meditation Collective."

106
00:05:58,971 --> 00:06:01,531
I don't know about you guys, but
nama-stay here any longer than I have to.

107
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:02,869
(LAUGHING)

108
00:06:03,576 --> 00:06:06,545
All right, sweetie, go check in
with that dirty hippie over there

109
00:06:06,646 --> 00:06:08,671
and we'll get some drinks.

110
00:06:10,717 --> 00:06:13,413
So, what Scotches you got?

111
00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:17,046
Here at the Center,
we have a very strict no-alcohol policy.

112
00:06:17,156 --> 00:06:18,282
(BOTH GASPING)

113
00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:21,116
Great, and all the meals
are included, right?

114
00:06:21,227 --> 00:06:23,718
Yep, and they're all 100% vegan.

115
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:24,797
(GASPS)

116
00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:30,904
No. I need alcohol.
I'm not gonna get Robin with this stuff.

117
00:06:31,238 --> 00:06:35,971
Look at this.
"Berry Blaster Brain Revitalizer."

118
00:06:36,110 --> 00:06:38,738
My God, some of these drinks
could actually make a girl smarter.

119
00:06:38,846 --> 00:06:40,746
What sort of hell has Ted brought us to?

120
00:06:40,848 --> 00:06:43,874
- There's no meat.
- There's no alcohol.

121
00:06:44,518 --> 00:06:45,644
It gets worse.

122
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,448
I'm 90% sure that guy
you were talking with

123
00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:50,022
used to be lead singer of the Spin Doctors.

124
00:06:52,126 --> 00:06:55,687
Hey, guys,
Stella and I have a little problem.

125
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,425
All the programs look great.

126
00:06:58,532 --> 00:07:01,399
I mean, it's not our names on the front,
but otherwise, really nice.

127
00:07:01,502 --> 00:07:03,800
(LAUGHS) Hey, I talked to Robin.

128
00:07:03,904 --> 00:07:07,135
She's running a little bit late,
but she'll be here just under the wire.

129
00:07:07,241 --> 00:07:10,039
- You invited Robin?
- Yeah, of course.

130
00:07:10,144 --> 00:07:14,274
You never told me that.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.

131
00:07:14,381 --> 00:07:17,214
Can I help? You feel glad.

132
00:07:18,385 --> 00:07:22,116
- But you like Robin.
- Yeah, but she's your ex-girlfriend.

133
00:07:22,222 --> 00:07:23,450
- It's weird.
- It's not weird.

134
00:07:23,557 --> 00:07:24,785
It is weird.

135
00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:27,827
You don't get what it's like for a bride
to see her groom's ex at their wedding.

136
00:07:28,295 --> 00:07:29,785
ROBIN: Stella.

137
00:07:31,298 --> 00:07:34,563
Your new husband used to nail me,
like, three times a day.

138
00:07:37,672 --> 00:07:39,765
Having exes around...

139
00:07:39,874 --> 00:07:43,640
I don't know,
it brings up unresolved things.

140
00:07:44,312 --> 00:07:47,145
How do you know that that spark won't
come back with your ex sitting out there?

141
00:07:47,248 --> 00:07:50,649
Come on, we're just friends. Plus,
Robin and I already had our backslide,

142
00:07:50,752 --> 00:07:53,220
last Thanksgiving, not even that long ago.

143
00:07:53,321 --> 00:07:56,290
Did you place a large bet against yourself
in this argument?

144
00:07:56,391 --> 00:07:57,949
She already got her ticket.

145
00:07:58,059 --> 00:08:02,291
Ted, it's important to me. I mean,
I would never invite Lucy's dad.

146
00:08:02,397 --> 00:08:05,127
I wouldn't care if you did.
Tony's great. Let's invite him, too.

147
00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:08,760
No, Tony is the last person
I want at our wedding, okay?

148
00:08:10,338 --> 00:08:12,898
And Robin is a close second.

149
00:08:13,675 --> 00:08:14,642
(SIGHS)

150
00:08:14,943 --> 00:08:16,877
Robin's probably about to get on the plane.

151
00:08:16,978 --> 00:08:19,378
Plus, she left a really important job
for this.

152
00:08:19,481 --> 00:08:24,544
Spurred by environmental concerns
and high gasoline prices,

153
00:08:24,652 --> 00:08:29,089
sales of hybrid vehicles
have risen 11% over the previous year.

154
00:08:29,591 --> 00:08:30,922
What should I do?

155
00:08:31,025 --> 00:08:34,188
(SIGHS) I don't know.
I kind of get the "no exes" thing.

156
00:08:34,295 --> 00:08:37,025
Why ask a failed romance
to come and watch your successful one?

157
00:08:37,131 --> 00:08:39,861
You know, it's like inviting the
Seattle Mariners to a World Series game.

158
00:08:39,968 --> 00:08:41,902
It's just weird for everyone.

159
00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:45,871
- What? No. Robin has to come.
- Right. She's like my best friend.

160
00:08:45,974 --> 00:08:47,066
- Hey!
- Whoa!

161
00:08:47,175 --> 00:08:48,871
Female friend. My best female friend.

162
00:08:48,978 --> 00:08:51,469
Hey! Whoa! I don't care. Why fake it?

163
00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:55,784
- Dude, Robin has to be here.
- She shouldn't come.

164
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:59,286
- What are you...
- Justice Aldrin, tie-breaking vote.

165
00:09:00,589 --> 00:09:05,788
Okay, wouldn't feel right without Robin.
But you don't mess with the bride.

166
00:09:06,495 --> 00:09:07,553
I'm gonna tell her not to come.

167
00:09:07,663 --> 00:09:09,756
- No, Ted.
- It's the right decision, Ted.

168
00:09:09,865 --> 00:09:11,958
This is gonna be, like,
the worst phone conversation of all time.

169
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:16,203
Ted, Ted, Ted. Co-best man, I'm on it.

170
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,569
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

171
00:09:22,244 --> 00:09:24,075
- Hello?
- Robin, where are you?

172
00:09:24,179 --> 00:09:26,443
Just heading to the airport.

173
00:09:26,749 --> 00:09:29,513
Okay, we'll see you soon.
Have a great flight.

174
00:09:31,620 --> 00:09:35,989
Bad news. I couldn't reach her.
Robin's already on her way.

175
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,629
Okay, Robin's on her way.
You know what? I'm glad.

176
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:46,860
Exes should be allowed
to come to weddings.

177
00:09:46,969 --> 00:09:49,062
I'll just tell Stella she's got to deal with it.

178
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:52,607
I think you need to be more delicate
with Stella about this whole Robin thing.

179
00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:53,936
What do you mean by delicate?

180
00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:56,841
Brides are under a lot of stress
before a wedding.

181
00:09:56,946 --> 00:09:59,415
I mean, of course,
I held it together pretty well.

182
00:09:59,616 --> 00:10:00,913
(LAUGHING)

183
00:10:02,285 --> 00:10:03,274
You don't remember?

184
00:10:03,954 --> 00:10:05,285
(CRYING)

185
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:10,382
The florist just told me the roses are more
light medium pink than medium pink.

186
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,423
Light medium pink! Everything's ruined.

187
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:20,696
Our wedding site uses a gravity furnace
instead of forced-air heating.

188
00:10:20,804 --> 00:10:25,400
That's the one thing I cared about.
Why are we even getting married?

189
00:10:27,677 --> 00:10:32,512
Blobbity-blah. Wickity-wah.
Eeky, eeky, eeky, eeky whee!

190
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,045
After a while, it's all noise.

191
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:41,290
Poor Stella's had to jam months of crazy
into just three days.

192
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,483
So what do I do?

193
00:10:42,592 --> 00:10:46,289
You wait for the next crisis,
you solve it, you're a hero.

194
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,559
Then you bring up the Robin thing,
but this time she'll say yes.

195
00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:51,327
Yeah, but what if there's no next crisis?

196
00:10:51,434 --> 00:10:52,526
(ALL SCOFFING)

197
00:10:52,636 --> 00:10:55,867
She's a bride. There will be a next crisis.

198
00:10:58,708 --> 00:11:01,939
- There's a next crisis.
- Awesome! What is it?

199
00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:05,310
My daughter, my own daughter
isn't coming to our wedding.

200
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,507
What?

201
00:11:06,983 --> 00:11:08,212
Tony's supposed
to drive her up tomorrow,

202
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:11,447
but now he's being all petty about me
getting married, and he won't do it.

203
00:11:11,555 --> 00:11:14,388
It's been five years.
Why can't we just move on already?

204
00:11:14,859 --> 00:11:17,692
So first thing tomorrow
I drive down, talk to him,

205
00:11:17,795 --> 00:11:21,356
get him to let me drive Lucy up,
then, boom, crisis solved.

206
00:11:21,465 --> 00:11:24,093
Stella's happy.
Robin comes to the wedding.

207
00:11:25,069 --> 00:11:28,004
- Hey. You Barney?
- Yes.

208
00:11:28,139 --> 00:11:30,630
I hear you're a real man whore,
so listen up.

209
00:11:30,741 --> 00:11:34,199
Tomorrow night I want to do things
so dirty and so depraved

210
00:11:34,311 --> 00:11:37,007
that I forget that this
was supposed to be my wedding.

211
00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:40,580
- I'm kind of here with someone.
- Bring her.

212
00:11:40,685 --> 00:11:41,674
(GASPING)

213
00:11:41,786 --> 00:11:43,617
You're never going to make it.

214
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:46,914
<i>OLDER TED: So,
the morning of my wedding day,</i>

215
00:11:47,024 --> 00:11:50,323
<i>I made the trip back
to Tony's house to get Lucy.</i>

216
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,423
- Hey!
- Tony!

217
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,993
Doing a little karate?

218
00:11:58,369 --> 00:11:59,495
(GROANING)

219
00:12:00,438 --> 00:12:04,238
Sorry, sorry, man.
You just set off my internal defense alarm.

220
00:12:04,341 --> 00:12:06,809
You got to watch these things.
Stay alert, stay alive.

221
00:12:06,911 --> 00:12:09,038
- Right.
- So what brings you here?

222
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,738
I thought you'd be off
in some honeymoon suite

223
00:12:10,848 --> 00:12:12,338
with my woman right now.

224
00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:15,442
- Not yet. Soon.
- That's right, tonight's the night.

225
00:12:15,553 --> 00:12:18,751
Yeah! Man,
you are going to be sticking it

226
00:12:18,857 --> 00:12:20,722
to the mother of my child.

227
00:12:20,826 --> 00:12:22,953
Actually, I've already stuck it to her
plenty of times.

228
00:12:23,061 --> 00:12:26,258
- Why do I always have to correct people?
- Man, you and Stella.

229
00:12:26,364 --> 00:12:29,800
You lucky dog. I could just...

230
00:12:30,535 --> 00:12:32,162
(SCREAMING)

231
00:12:33,238 --> 00:12:35,229
I'm so happy for you guys.

232
00:12:36,374 --> 00:12:39,571
Yeah. Hey, listen. Here's the thing. Lucy...

233
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:41,612
- You can't take her.
- Tony, stop.

234
00:12:41,713 --> 00:12:44,910
Look, this is a big day for Lucy, too.

235
00:12:45,016 --> 00:12:46,506
You're going to have to put aside
your own issues

236
00:12:46,618 --> 00:12:49,587
and think about what's best for her here.
Whether you like it or not,

237
00:12:49,721 --> 00:12:53,919
she really should be at her mother's
wedding. So, I'm taking Lucy with me.

238
00:12:56,328 --> 00:12:57,295
(GROANS)

239
00:12:58,196 --> 00:13:01,495
You're right, man. You're right.

240
00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:05,528
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just, seeing you guys,

241
00:13:06,605 --> 00:13:09,096
it's made me realize
everything I had.

242
00:13:09,474 --> 00:13:13,069
Hey, hey, hey. Let's stop hugging.

243
00:13:14,246 --> 00:13:18,615
I'm sorry.
It's just, Lucy means the world to me.

244
00:13:18,717 --> 00:13:20,810
And I feel like I'm losing her
to this new family,

245
00:13:20,919 --> 00:13:23,285
- a family I'm not even a part of.
- Come on, sure you are.

246
00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:25,515
No, I'm not.
I wasn't even invited to the wedding.

247
00:13:25,624 --> 00:13:27,091
Well, you are now.

248
00:13:27,192 --> 00:13:28,160
Thank you!

249
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:29,585
(CRYING)

250
00:13:31,397 --> 00:13:32,659
Road trip.

251
00:13:32,765 --> 00:13:33,732
(BOTH LAUGHING)

252
00:13:33,866 --> 00:13:34,833
Right?

253
00:13:38,304 --> 00:13:40,465
Road trip two, back in the car.

254
00:13:42,942 --> 00:13:46,901
So, today's the day. You hydrating?

255
00:13:47,413 --> 00:13:50,246
Dear female, thank you
for your interest in Barney Stinson.

256
00:13:50,349 --> 00:13:52,476
Your back is going to look
like a Jackson Pollock.

257
00:13:52,585 --> 00:13:53,677
(EX CLAIMING)

258
00:13:53,786 --> 00:13:56,482
I regret to inform you that at this time...

259
00:13:56,589 --> 00:13:59,149
I was a vegan for two years. I need meat.

260
00:13:59,258 --> 00:14:00,247
(EX CLAIMS)

261
00:14:00,359 --> 00:14:03,021
...there are currently
no positions available.

262
00:14:03,129 --> 00:14:05,927
I'm a yoga instructor.
Every position is available.

263
00:14:06,032 --> 00:14:07,590
(GROWLING)

264
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:10,225
Your room, 20 minutes. No foreplay.

265
00:14:10,336 --> 00:14:11,667
(PANTING)

266
00:14:12,972 --> 00:14:15,463
- I'm not going to make it, am I?
- Not a chance.

267
00:14:15,575 --> 00:14:16,872
(GRUNTING)

268
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:23,378
Okay, just remember,
let me talk to Stella first, okay?

269
00:14:23,482 --> 00:14:26,883
Mommy! Mommy! Ted invited Daddy!

270
00:14:27,453 --> 00:14:32,015
Hi, sweetie. I missed you.
Give me just a sec, okay?

271
00:14:32,658 --> 00:14:34,285
- TONY: Hey.
- Hey, Tony.

272
00:14:35,228 --> 00:14:36,889
- Hey.
- You invited Tony?

273
00:14:36,996 --> 00:14:38,259
To our wedding?

274
00:14:38,365 --> 00:14:41,357
Ted, we talked about this.
No exes at our wedding.

275
00:14:41,468 --> 00:14:46,098
- Why would you do this?
- Boy, what did Ted do this time?

276
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:55,379
Ted, what is Robin doing here?
I thought I made myself clear.

277
00:14:55,482 --> 00:14:57,950
No exes at our wedding.

278
00:14:58,051 --> 00:15:02,044
- To be fair, your ex is here.
- You invited him!

279
00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:04,988
- Come on, it's not weird.
- It is weird.

280
00:15:05,092 --> 00:15:07,890
It's like things are not finished
between you two.

281
00:15:07,995 --> 00:15:10,589
And Tony...
I can't deal with Tony right now.

282
00:15:10,697 --> 00:15:12,528
Can you please go out there
and tell him to leave?

283
00:15:12,633 --> 00:15:14,726
You can make me the bad guy.

284
00:15:14,835 --> 00:15:18,430
I'll go talk to Robin
so she knows it's nothing personal.

285
00:15:18,739 --> 00:15:20,104
Okay.

286
00:15:20,207 --> 00:15:22,732
<i>OLDER TED: And, kids, if I had just let Stella
talk to Robin,</i>

287
00:15:22,843 --> 00:15:24,071
<i>this whole story
might have ended differently.</i>

288
00:15:25,812 --> 00:15:27,006
I understand.

289
00:15:27,881 --> 00:15:29,041
I get it.

290
00:15:29,149 --> 00:15:30,138
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

291
00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:33,378
<i>ANNOUNCER: For the first time,
Ted and Stella Mosby.</i>

292
00:15:34,254 --> 00:15:36,449
OLDER TED: And that's
how I met your mother.

293
00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:39,586
Blah, blah, blah.
Is your dad finally done yakking?

294
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:42,127
Now, come on, who wants ice cream?

295
00:15:43,096 --> 00:15:44,427
<i>OLDER TED: But I didn't.</i>

296
00:15:44,531 --> 00:15:45,657
Look, can you talk to Tony?

297
00:15:45,766 --> 00:15:49,066
Robin flew all the way here from Tokyo.
I should talk to her.

298
00:15:50,071 --> 00:15:52,562
- Sure.
- Okay.

299
00:15:56,811 --> 00:15:57,800
- Hi.
- Hey.

300
00:15:57,912 --> 00:15:59,709
- Sorry about running off like that.
- It's okay.

301
00:15:59,814 --> 00:16:04,217
You would not believe the trip I just had.
I was on a plane for almost a full day.

302
00:16:04,319 --> 00:16:06,344
But it is worth it to see you get married.

303
00:16:06,454 --> 00:16:08,183
- How could I not be here...
- You can't come to the wedding.

304
00:16:08,289 --> 00:16:09,881
- Thank God.
- What?

305
00:16:09,991 --> 00:16:12,721
- Ted, it's weird.
- It's not weird.

306
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:16,388
It is weird. Do you know how it feels
to be somebody's ex at their wedding?

307
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:17,623
- Robin.
- Stella.

308
00:16:19,867 --> 00:16:21,664
Suck it, bitch. I win.

309
00:16:23,871 --> 00:16:28,399
- We broke up over a year ago.
- Yeah, but that's not that long ago.

310
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,067
Watching you marry another woman

311
00:16:30,178 --> 00:16:33,409
isn't exactly something
I was looking forward to.

312
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:36,039
I don't know, I just thought
if I ever changed my mind

313
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:40,985
about marriage and kids, it was...
It was nice to know that you were there.

314
00:16:41,089 --> 00:16:42,989
So, I was your safety school.
How flattering.

315
00:16:43,091 --> 00:16:44,649
That's not it. It's just that...

316
00:16:44,759 --> 00:16:47,853
Why are you bringing any of this up?
There's nothing between us anymore.

317
00:16:47,962 --> 00:16:51,955
Well, maybe there is.
I mean, of course, there is.

318
00:16:52,066 --> 00:16:56,298
That kind of stuff just doesn't disappear
without a trace.

319
00:16:56,404 --> 00:16:58,771
Look, I'm not just another guest here, Ted.

320
00:16:58,874 --> 00:17:02,071
Right. We used to date,
but we both moved on.

321
00:17:02,177 --> 00:17:04,668
And, look, we got what we wanted.
I'm getting married.

322
00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:06,543
You got your dream job in Tokyo.

323
00:17:06,648 --> 00:17:09,139
- And they all lived happily ever...
- I quit my job.

324
00:17:09,251 --> 00:17:11,742
- You what?
- I'm moving back to New York.

325
00:17:11,854 --> 00:17:17,349
I thought I wanted that job, but
I want to come back to my real life.

326
00:17:18,627 --> 00:17:23,621
- And I think you should go back to yours.
- What's that supposed to mean?

327
00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:30,704
Don't get married.
Look, you're rushing into this.

328
00:17:30,806 --> 00:17:34,105
It's like you're trying to skip ahead
to the end of the book.

329
00:17:34,209 --> 00:17:36,177
Ted, you're the most romantic guy I know.

330
00:17:36,278 --> 00:17:39,714
You stole a blue French horn for me.
You tried to make it rain.

331
00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:42,306
- I did make it rain.
- It was a coincidence.

332
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:47,151
But after all that, this is how your
great romantic quest comes to an end?

333
00:17:47,256 --> 00:17:49,520
You're just disappearing
into someone else's wedding,

334
00:17:49,625 --> 00:17:54,062
someone else's house, someone else's life
without a second thought.

335
00:17:54,163 --> 00:17:57,189
That's not the amazing ending
that you deserve.

336
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,763
That's not Ted Mosby.

337
00:18:04,673 --> 00:18:06,140
I love Stella.

338
00:18:07,209 --> 00:18:10,373
She's the one. If you really feel that way,

339
00:18:12,082 --> 00:18:15,950
I guess it's a good thing
you're not coming to the wedding after all.

340
00:18:18,855 --> 00:18:20,015
(SIGHS)

341
00:18:24,427 --> 00:18:26,759
- Big fight?
- Yeah.

342
00:18:27,664 --> 00:18:31,122
Here, it's on the house.

343
00:18:31,668 --> 00:18:33,465
Just keep them coming.

344
00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:37,600
Oh, God, do not keep them coming.

345
00:18:41,144 --> 00:18:42,406
(ROBIN SNIFFLING)

346
00:18:42,779 --> 00:18:48,217
- Hey, Robin.
- Barney. I am having a horrible day.

347
00:18:48,318 --> 00:18:50,377
I snuck some Scotch in
from the duty-free store.

348
00:18:50,487 --> 00:18:51,476
You want to join me?

349
00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:54,182
Yeah, yeah. Let's go to your room.
Far away from this room.

350
00:18:54,290 --> 00:18:56,952
- And we can knock it back.
- They didn't get me a room.

351
00:18:57,060 --> 00:18:59,829
I was actually hoping I could stay with you.

352
00:19:00,563 --> 00:19:05,057
No problem.
I just have to straighten up little bit.

353
00:19:05,168 --> 00:19:07,363
I've got some clothes on the floor, and...

354
00:19:10,406 --> 00:19:13,273
- A naked girl tied to your headboard.
- Towels all over the bathroom. It's a mess.

355
00:19:13,376 --> 00:19:16,504
So, anyway, give me 10 minutes
to get the place in order...

356
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,104
See you, Barney.

357
00:19:18,415 --> 00:19:19,382
I...

358
00:19:20,751 --> 00:19:22,048
She...

359
00:19:22,153 --> 00:19:23,120
(SIGHING)

360
00:19:29,326 --> 00:19:30,452
(SIGHING)

361
00:19:30,561 --> 00:19:32,051
Okay, let's do this.

362
00:19:33,164 --> 00:19:34,927
Who the hell is that?

363
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:37,496
It's the girl from the front desk.

364
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:38,568
(LAUGHS)

365
00:19:39,537 --> 00:19:42,700
<i>Lovers, they try</i>

366
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:46,799
<i>They try to whip the stars into compliance</i>

367
00:19:46,911 --> 00:19:50,506
<i>OLDER TED: Kids, sometimes you think
you're living out one story,</i>

368
00:19:50,614 --> 00:19:53,344
<i>but the truth turns out to be
something else entirely.</i>

369
00:19:53,450 --> 00:19:57,477
<i>Don't want to knock the
planets out of alignment</i>

370
00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:02,718
<i>At the time, I thought the story was about
whether Robin should be at the wedding.</i>

371
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:08,294
<i>You're gonna wait a long time</i>

372
00:20:08,399 --> 00:20:10,629
<i>Wait a long time</i>

373
00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:13,794
<i>If only I'd understood
what the real story was.</i>

374
00:20:18,609 --> 00:20:22,568
<i>If you're looking for an invitation</i>

375
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:27,879
Having exes around... I don't know,
it brings up unresolved things.

376
00:20:29,387 --> 00:20:32,481
<i>You're never gonna get one</i>

377
00:20:32,591 --> 00:20:34,024
How do you know that
that spark won't come back

378
00:20:34,125 --> 00:20:35,319
with your ex sitting out there?

379
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:41,123
It's like things are not finished
between you two.

380
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:48,468
I wasted years trying to get Lucy's dad
to decide he was ready for this.

381
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:53,243
Seeing you guys,
it's made me realize everything I had.

382
00:20:53,678 --> 00:20:56,841
I used to dream
that Tony would be spontaneous like this.

383
00:20:57,816 --> 00:21:02,844
<i>Wait a long time, wait a long time</i>

384
00:21:02,954 --> 00:21:07,448
<i>OLDER TED: Seriously, kids,
never invite an ex to your wedding.</i>