1 00:00:01,723 --> 00:00:03,452 OLDER TED: Kids, in the fall of 2008, 2 00:00:03,558 --> 00:00:06,390 your aunt Robin was unemployed and a little bit adrift. 3 00:00:06,493 --> 00:00:08,860 So she valued her friendship with Lily more than ever. 4 00:00:08,963 --> 00:00:11,796 Hey, so I hear Marshall has to work late on Friday. 5 00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,891 You know what that means. Ladies' night. 6 00:00:14,002 --> 00:00:16,902 Oh, actually one of the teachers at my school, Jillian, 7 00:00:17,004 --> 00:00:20,496 - is having a birthday party. - Oh, okay. 8 00:00:20,607 --> 00:00:21,632 What? 9 00:00:21,743 --> 00:00:25,007 It's just, I've never even heard of this Jillian person before, 10 00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:28,741 and suddenly she's like your best friend. You can't shut up about her. 11 00:00:28,849 --> 00:00:31,340 Don't be jealous. You and I hang out all the time. 12 00:00:31,451 --> 00:00:33,213 Yeah, but Marshall's always there. 13 00:00:33,319 --> 00:00:36,778 We don't get a lot of quality time to talk, just the two of us. 14 00:00:36,890 --> 00:00:38,482 That's not true. 15 00:00:38,825 --> 00:00:41,657 So that's when the story gets really good. 16 00:00:41,761 --> 00:00:43,626 So, we go to the... 17 00:00:43,729 --> 00:00:45,390 - Hey. - Hey. 18 00:00:46,465 --> 00:00:51,402 ...place. And then that guy asks about the thing with the stuff 19 00:00:51,504 --> 00:00:53,631 that I told you about at that place that time. 20 00:00:53,739 --> 00:00:57,641 Long story short, events transpired. 21 00:00:58,109 --> 00:01:01,671 Oh, my God. You and the guy from the mayor's office 22 00:01:01,781 --> 00:01:06,445 did it in the UN building under the desk of the ambassador from Zaire? Nice. 23 00:01:07,185 --> 00:01:08,982 I just wish we could have some girl time. 24 00:01:09,087 --> 00:01:12,454 I love Marshall, but he's always talk-blocking me. 25 00:01:12,557 --> 00:01:14,856 So come out with me and Jillian then. 26 00:01:14,961 --> 00:01:18,623 Okay, but I don't want to stay out too late because... 27 00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:22,529 Remember that thing last month after I went to the place? 28 00:01:22,634 --> 00:01:26,467 Well, you-know-who said it's fine, but she gave me some stuff. 29 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:29,369 You still got that yeast infection, huh? 30 00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:35,393 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 31 00:01:43,654 --> 00:01:44,621 Marshall, 32 00:01:44,722 --> 00:01:47,282 - I want you to enjoy this moment. - What moment? 33 00:01:47,391 --> 00:01:51,486 The last moment of you and I being even slightly in competition 34 00:01:51,594 --> 00:01:53,061 for the title of Ted's best friend. 35 00:01:53,163 --> 00:01:55,825 - Marshall's my best friend. - Exactly. It's a tie. 36 00:01:56,233 --> 00:01:57,666 But all of that is about to change. 37 00:01:57,768 --> 00:02:01,328 Ted, am I correct that you are an architect? 38 00:02:01,437 --> 00:02:04,031 My best friend would really know that, but go on. 39 00:02:04,140 --> 00:02:07,042 And what are you currently designing? 40 00:02:07,143 --> 00:02:09,805 Actually, we're renovating the new York Public Library. 41 00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:14,144 - Wow, Ted, that's huge! - No, not the New York Public Library. 42 00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:17,707 It's the new public library in York, North Dakota. 43 00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:21,278 Their books are in two sections, fishing and non-fishing. 44 00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:25,484 Then I think you are going to really like what happened at work today. 45 00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:28,725 And so, while those bribes did destabilize the regime 46 00:02:28,830 --> 00:02:31,060 and caused the death of most of the royal family, 47 00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:34,829 it did lead to looser banking regulations in Rangoon. 48 00:02:34,936 --> 00:02:37,769 So yay us. Okay, last order of business. 49 00:02:37,873 --> 00:02:39,864 It's been decided we're going to move forward with plans 50 00:02:39,975 --> 00:02:43,307 for Goliath National Bank's new downtown headquarters. 51 00:02:43,778 --> 00:02:46,907 - Well, who's gonna design it? - Was my first question. 52 00:02:47,382 --> 00:02:48,644 Who's gonna design it? 53 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,047 We've already approached one firm about it. 54 00:02:50,152 --> 00:02:53,279 This Swedish architecture collective called Sven. 55 00:02:53,988 --> 00:02:56,855 Sven? Sven? 56 00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,993 OLDER TED: Sven was this Swedish architecture collective 57 00:03:00,094 --> 00:03:03,894 revered for their bold, innovative designs. I hated those guys. 58 00:03:03,998 --> 00:03:08,058 I hate those guys. Swedish architecture collective. 59 00:03:08,168 --> 00:03:09,726 - Lame. - Pretentious. 60 00:03:09,836 --> 00:03:12,067 "We're not a company. We're a collective." 61 00:03:12,173 --> 00:03:14,801 (IN FRENCH ACCENT) I know. "We are Swedish. 62 00:03:14,909 --> 00:03:19,572 "We are so cool with our baguettes and our Eiffel Tower." 63 00:03:19,679 --> 00:03:21,943 Dude, Sweden's not France. You know that, right? 64 00:03:22,082 --> 00:03:23,447 Oh, it's France. 65 00:03:24,517 --> 00:03:26,985 So anyway, I say to Bilson... 66 00:03:27,487 --> 00:03:29,478 Bilson, with all due respect... 67 00:03:29,756 --> 00:03:32,850 No, I stand up, and I say to Bilson... 68 00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:35,555 Bilson, with all due respect... 69 00:03:35,694 --> 00:03:39,461 Music. Imagine patriotic music playing. 70 00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:40,957 (THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER PLAYING) 71 00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:45,469 Bilson, with all due respect, it would be terrible 72 00:03:45,571 --> 00:03:50,837 if a job that could go to a hard-working American architecture firm 73 00:03:50,942 --> 00:03:53,810 went to a bunch of French guys. 74 00:03:53,912 --> 00:03:57,541 Where is our patriotism? Our sense of country? 75 00:03:57,649 --> 00:04:00,981 - Our love of all that is... - Look, Stinson, 76 00:04:01,085 --> 00:04:03,986 no one hates every other country in the world as much as I do, 77 00:04:04,088 --> 00:04:06,580 - but you better have a point. - I do. 78 00:04:06,692 --> 00:04:11,025 I know a fantastic American architect who would be perfect for the job. 79 00:04:11,129 --> 00:04:12,426 Ted Mosby. 80 00:04:12,964 --> 00:04:15,455 So, all you gotta do is come in, pitch your design, 81 00:04:15,566 --> 00:04:18,000 I get the board to approve it, and the job is yours. 82 00:04:18,102 --> 00:04:21,094 Do you realize what a hero I would be if I brought this project to my firm? 83 00:04:21,205 --> 00:04:22,502 And that's not even the best part. 84 00:04:22,607 --> 00:04:24,837 All three of us are gonna be working together. 85 00:04:24,942 --> 00:04:27,671 - Ted can be on the conference call. - He can totally be on the conference call. 86 00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:29,802 - What's the conference call? - The way it works is, 87 00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:32,212 one of us will duck into the other's office and say... 88 00:04:32,650 --> 00:04:35,709 Marshall, the conference call's about to start. 89 00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:37,882 I'm sorry, guys. I gotta go. 90 00:04:37,988 --> 00:04:41,947 BARNEY: And then we go up to the roof of the building and drink beer. 91 00:04:42,058 --> 00:04:44,151 This is awesome. 92 00:04:44,261 --> 00:04:47,230 - Drinking at work. - We're basically madmen. 93 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,855 We are! We're such mad men! 94 00:04:49,966 --> 00:04:51,762 I'm gonna go smack a secretary on the ass. 95 00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,859 That's totally what they would do on that show. 96 00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:56,437 What show? 97 00:04:57,107 --> 00:05:01,372 And then, we throw crumpled up beer cans at pigeons. 98 00:05:01,911 --> 00:05:04,778 - I don't do that. - I totally want to do that. 99 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,370 Well, I am gonna make that happen. 100 00:05:06,482 --> 00:05:09,609 Seriously, Barney, after everything I went through with Stella, 101 00:05:09,718 --> 00:05:12,846 getting me this opportunity... It really means a lot. 102 00:05:12,955 --> 00:05:15,947 OLDER TED: It really did. You see, kids, when I became an architect, 103 00:05:16,058 --> 00:05:20,391 I had one dream, to contribute a building to the skyline of New York City. 104 00:05:20,495 --> 00:05:23,090 I wanted to be able to point to one of those buildings and say, 105 00:05:23,199 --> 00:05:26,634 "See that one? That one right there? That's mine. " 106 00:05:28,002 --> 00:05:30,368 This job was my opportunity to do just that. 107 00:05:31,472 --> 00:05:33,940 (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) 108 00:05:35,842 --> 00:05:37,743 Wow! Your friend's having her birthday here? 109 00:05:37,845 --> 00:05:42,475 - What's she turning, 19? - No. Believe me, this isn't her scene. 110 00:05:42,650 --> 00:05:44,913 She probably just didn't know what kind of place this was. 111 00:05:45,018 --> 00:05:49,353 Lily! Over here, you sexy bitch! We've got bottle service! 112 00:05:49,457 --> 00:05:51,448 (ALL WHOOPING) 113 00:05:52,392 --> 00:05:55,919 Oh, my God! At school, she's so quiet and normal. 114 00:05:56,029 --> 00:05:59,897 I had no idea she's... She's a woo girl. 115 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:00,988 (ALL WHOOPING) 116 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:03,160 OLDER TED: What's a woo girl? Let me explain. 117 00:06:03,270 --> 00:06:04,999 A woo girl is a type of young woman 118 00:06:05,105 --> 00:06:07,335 who, like the cuckoo bird or the whip-poor-will, 119 00:06:07,441 --> 00:06:09,772 gets her name from the signature sound she makes. 120 00:06:11,711 --> 00:06:14,236 Now, a "woo" can be elicited in many different ways. 121 00:06:14,814 --> 00:06:16,612 From a certain song coming on the jukebox... 122 00:06:16,717 --> 00:06:18,149 (SWEETHOME ALABAMA PLAYING ON JUKEBOX) 123 00:06:18,251 --> 00:06:19,878 (ALL WHOOPING) 124 00:06:19,986 --> 00:06:22,784 Oh, my God, this song is totally about me. 125 00:06:24,323 --> 00:06:26,086 ... to half-priced shots. 126 00:06:26,192 --> 00:06:28,056 (ALL WHOOPING) 127 00:06:28,594 --> 00:06:30,289 From a ride on a mechanical bull... 128 00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:32,258 (WHOOPING) 129 00:06:32,365 --> 00:06:34,299 (ALL WHOOPING) 130 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,923 ... to, well, pretty much anything. 131 00:06:36,034 --> 00:06:38,969 Oh, my God, I was worried that I didn't feed the cat, 132 00:06:39,070 --> 00:06:41,539 but then I remembered that I did! 133 00:06:41,874 --> 00:06:43,841 (ALL WHOOPING) 134 00:06:44,309 --> 00:06:48,302 I swear, at school Jillian seems so unwoo-y. 135 00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,172 Yeah, she doesn't look woo-ish. 136 00:06:51,283 --> 00:06:53,250 Maybe she only observes the High Holidays, 137 00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:57,412 like Mardi Gras and spring break. Maybe she's just a cultural woo. 138 00:06:58,757 --> 00:07:01,691 Now, go easy on me. It's a work in progress. 139 00:07:04,428 --> 00:07:05,918 Ted, this is amazing. 140 00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:09,796 The detail. The shading. The playfulness of the lines. 141 00:07:10,601 --> 00:07:14,093 This is exactly what Princess Leia would look like topless. 142 00:07:14,204 --> 00:07:15,762 My way of saying thanks. 143 00:07:15,873 --> 00:07:18,670 So, you want to see my designs for the building? 144 00:07:18,775 --> 00:07:20,367 No, I'm good. 145 00:07:20,643 --> 00:07:23,977 - TED: Hey. - Hey. So get this. Lily just texted me. 146 00:07:24,081 --> 00:07:27,811 She's at that bar Giddy Ups with a bunch of woo girls. 147 00:07:30,186 --> 00:07:34,146 Oh, my God, you guys. My boob just fell out of my top at the bar. 148 00:07:34,258 --> 00:07:36,418 Trick! I pulled it out for a free drink! 149 00:07:36,526 --> 00:07:38,050 (ALL WHOOPING) 150 00:07:39,028 --> 00:07:42,657 So, Jillian, I hear when you're not flashing bartenders, 151 00:07:42,765 --> 00:07:45,164 you teach the second grade. What's that like? 152 00:07:45,267 --> 00:07:48,328 So rewarding. I don't know if you're familiar with the RIE technique, 153 00:07:48,438 --> 00:07:51,839 but it derives from the progressive educational philosophy of Rudolf Steiner, 154 00:07:51,941 --> 00:07:53,202 who founded the Waldorf School, which... 155 00:07:53,308 --> 00:07:54,468 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 156 00:07:54,576 --> 00:07:59,570 Oh, my God. I love this song! Come on, you lazy skanks. Let's dance! 157 00:07:59,681 --> 00:08:01,411 (ALL WHOOPING) 158 00:08:01,516 --> 00:08:07,148 - You, too, you dumb whores. - No, thank you, you ignorant hussy. 159 00:08:09,391 --> 00:08:12,359 Why, Lily Aldrin, you sly minx. 160 00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:15,191 I've been saying for years that our gang needed a woo girl, 161 00:08:15,297 --> 00:08:17,322 and here you've been hiding a whole batch of them from me. 162 00:08:17,432 --> 00:08:20,457 We do not need a woo girl. No one needs a woo girl. 163 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:25,437 Be careful, Lily. The world absolutely needs woo girls. 164 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,804 If there were no woo girls, there'd be no Girls Gone Wild, 165 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:33,039 no bachelorette parties, no Las Vegas poolside bars. 166 00:08:33,147 --> 00:08:36,240 All the things that you hold dearest, Lily, would be gone. 167 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,373 Those are none of the things... 168 00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:40,977 The souvenir shot glass industry would collapse. 169 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:46,047 So would the body glitter industry and the stretch Hummer rental industry. 170 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:51,788 Tiny cowboy hats would be worn only by tiny cowboys. 171 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:56,023 And when Brown Eyed Girl would come up on the jukebox, 172 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:59,230 all you would hear would be silence. 173 00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,903 And Brown Eyed Girl. 174 00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:07,073 But who would woo, Lily? Who would woo? 175 00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:08,944 Would you? 176 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:13,051 Would you woo? 177 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:15,980 Who wants to name my boobs? 178 00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:18,113 (ALL WHOOPING) 179 00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:23,461 Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Hannity and Colmes. 180 00:09:25,597 --> 00:09:27,996 OLDER TED: Over the next couple of weeks, I dove into work. 181 00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:30,999 It felt great to be working on something that I really cared about. 182 00:09:31,102 --> 00:09:33,196 Finally, the morning of the presentation arrived. 183 00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:39,903 And we believe this timeless design will radiate the strength and stability 184 00:09:40,011 --> 00:09:43,503 that is Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen. 185 00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:49,714 OLDER TED: I left there feeling pretty good about my chances. 186 00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:51,618 Later that night, we ran into Barney. 187 00:09:51,756 --> 00:09:52,390 Hey, Barney! Give me the good news. 188 00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:54,653 Hey, Barney! Give me the good news. 189 00:09:55,325 --> 00:09:58,489 - You didn't get it. - What? 190 00:09:58,596 --> 00:10:01,224 The board decided to go with Sven. 191 00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:03,099 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 192 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,634 (WHOOPING) 193 00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,828 (ALL WHOOPING) 194 00:10:13,643 --> 00:10:17,636 I can't believe I didn't get it. I really thought I nailed the pitch. 195 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,180 Why would they go with Sven? 196 00:10:19,282 --> 00:10:21,511 I did everything I could to change their minds. 197 00:10:21,617 --> 00:10:26,988 - But they wouldn't budge. I'm sorry. - Wow, this really sucks. 198 00:10:27,858 --> 00:10:31,190 After the way these last couple of months have gone, 199 00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:34,160 I guess I needed this more than I thought I did. 200 00:10:34,663 --> 00:10:35,994 Hey, 201 00:10:37,032 --> 00:10:42,265 you want to go down to the current GNB building and just, like... I don't know. 202 00:10:43,239 --> 00:10:45,366 Just pee on it a little bit? 203 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:48,704 Yeah. Yeah, I think I need that. 204 00:10:50,713 --> 00:10:53,079 Finish your beer. Fill the tank. 205 00:10:57,018 --> 00:10:59,987 - What happened? - Ted didn't get that job. 206 00:11:00,522 --> 00:11:03,923 But that's not the biggest disappointment of the day. 207 00:11:04,025 --> 00:11:06,459 - What? - We saw you woo. 208 00:11:07,095 --> 00:11:09,154 - Saw who woo? - Saw you woo. 209 00:11:09,264 --> 00:11:10,856 - I didn't woo. - You did, too. 210 00:11:10,965 --> 00:11:13,592 - That's not true. - Your nose just grew. 211 00:11:14,101 --> 00:11:16,832 So what, you're like best friends with Jillian now? 212 00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:20,771 No. It's just... You're married, Lily, but I'm still single. 213 00:11:20,874 --> 00:11:24,401 Whenever I hang out with you, I'm usually the third wheel to you and Marshall. 214 00:11:24,511 --> 00:11:26,741 Sometimes it's fun to go out with other single women 215 00:11:26,847 --> 00:11:30,510 - and do stuff that you don't want to. - Like what? 216 00:11:30,617 --> 00:11:33,450 Like woo, Lily. Like woo. 217 00:11:33,554 --> 00:11:35,249 - I can woo. - That's not true. 218 00:11:35,355 --> 00:11:37,788 - I can, too. - It's just not you. 219 00:11:40,793 --> 00:11:42,021 - Bilson. - Yeah? 220 00:11:42,128 --> 00:11:46,724 Hey. Look, I just want to say, I know you guys went with Sven, 221 00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:48,732 but Ted Mosby is tremendously talented, 222 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:51,359 and I think he would have done a hell of a job. 223 00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:53,961 I agree. That's why I voted for him. 224 00:11:54,774 --> 00:11:55,831 So, then, it's agreed. 225 00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:59,605 From now on, all ATM fees are now called freedom charges. 226 00:12:00,112 --> 00:12:01,739 Conference call. Now. 227 00:12:05,951 --> 00:12:08,511 - You got something you want to tell me? - Oh, damn it. 228 00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:11,613 I told Heather to put everything back on your desk the way it was. 229 00:12:11,724 --> 00:12:15,819 Bilson told me he wanted to give the job to Ted. So what happened? 230 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,497 Okay, fine. 231 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:24,362 ...will radiate the strength and stability 232 00:12:24,469 --> 00:12:27,927 that is Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen. 233 00:12:36,247 --> 00:12:39,306 - So? - That was great. I love it. 234 00:12:39,416 --> 00:12:43,546 Yes! Looks like we got our guy. I don't think we even need to meet with... 235 00:12:43,654 --> 00:12:45,087 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 236 00:12:45,189 --> 00:12:46,588 I am Sven Jorgensen. 237 00:12:46,690 --> 00:12:50,524 With me are Sven Pilsen and Sven Johanssen, and we are Sven! 238 00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:52,255 - Sven! - Sven! 239 00:12:52,363 --> 00:12:54,126 You are Goliath National Bank. 240 00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:57,324 You are cutting edge. You are new. You are fresh. 241 00:12:57,433 --> 00:12:59,901 Women want to be with you, men wish to harm you, 242 00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:03,405 but the fool who dares challenge you shall be crushed! 243 00:13:03,507 --> 00:13:06,373 Your headquarters will tell the world of these facts. 244 00:13:06,476 --> 00:13:09,036 And one more thing, don't look now! 245 00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:13,475 Which of you is Barney Stinson, head of the search committee? 246 00:13:13,582 --> 00:13:15,312 Oh, my God. That's me! 247 00:13:15,418 --> 00:13:18,546 You, Barney Stinson, are a man of power and virility. 248 00:13:18,655 --> 00:13:22,249 Your office shall be here, in the head of a Tyrannosaurus rex! 249 00:13:22,357 --> 00:13:25,520 I never knew it till now, but I've always dreamed of that. 250 00:13:25,627 --> 00:13:29,530 On your large desk of Honduran rosewood shall be this button. 251 00:13:29,632 --> 00:13:33,192 - What does the button do? - Press it! Press it for glory! 252 00:13:37,339 --> 00:13:41,469 Yes! This is the most awesome building in the universe. 253 00:13:41,576 --> 00:13:44,136 There is no way this building could be more awesome. 254 00:13:44,246 --> 00:13:46,942 There is a strip club in the letter N. 255 00:13:47,049 --> 00:13:48,845 (EX CLAIMING) 256 00:13:50,217 --> 00:13:53,618 What the hell is the matter with you? This is Ted's big break! 257 00:13:53,721 --> 00:13:55,417 And then you sold him out because you wanted to work 258 00:13:55,524 --> 00:13:57,320 in the brain of a Tyrannosaurus rex, 259 00:13:57,425 --> 00:13:59,450 which, incidentally, if you knew anything about dinosaurs, 260 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:03,792 - is really, really small. - Marshall, this isn't about my office. 261 00:14:03,898 --> 00:14:06,388 Ted's building was good. Sven's was better. 262 00:14:06,499 --> 00:14:10,937 And I am not going to let the fact that I am Ted's best friend be a factor in business. 263 00:14:11,038 --> 00:14:12,596 You didn't pick Sven's building because it was better. 264 00:14:12,707 --> 00:14:14,936 You picked it because you wanted to work in a cool dinosaur office. 265 00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:19,137 That's a lie! I picked it because it... 266 00:14:19,746 --> 00:14:22,010 It breathes fire, Marshall. 267 00:14:22,982 --> 00:14:24,540 Fire marshal. 268 00:14:24,918 --> 00:14:26,112 (BOTH LAUGHING) 269 00:14:26,219 --> 00:14:28,949 - I didn't even notice. - How could you do this to Ted 270 00:14:29,055 --> 00:14:30,817 after everything he's been through with Stella? 271 00:14:30,923 --> 00:14:32,413 You're just being selfish. 272 00:14:32,524 --> 00:14:36,586 Marshall, I would never make a business decision for selfish reasons. 273 00:14:36,696 --> 00:14:39,323 I am a professional. Now, come on. 274 00:14:39,431 --> 00:14:41,991 Let's get a nice daytime drunk going, and throw empties at pigeons. 275 00:14:42,101 --> 00:14:44,194 No. No. For two reasons. 276 00:14:44,303 --> 00:14:47,296 One, pigeons are smarter than you think. They hold grudges. 277 00:14:47,407 --> 00:14:51,740 And, two, this is our last conference call, Mr. Stinson. 278 00:14:51,844 --> 00:14:53,869 There are repercussions to screwing over a friend. 279 00:14:53,979 --> 00:14:55,503 - Like what? - Like this. 280 00:14:55,614 --> 00:14:57,410 (COOING) 281 00:14:58,282 --> 00:14:59,340 Hey. 282 00:15:03,822 --> 00:15:04,789 (SIGHS) 283 00:15:13,232 --> 00:15:15,358 (PIGEONS COOING) 284 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,503 Oh, my God, you guys. Last night, we raised $10,000 for my charity 285 00:15:26,611 --> 00:15:30,638 to help combat childhood illiteracy. It's a really serious issue. 286 00:15:30,882 --> 00:15:33,008 (ALL WHOOP SOLEMNLY) 287 00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:38,411 Someone just earned herself an ass-first ride down the dance floor spank canyon! 288 00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,649 (ALL WHOOPING) 289 00:15:40,757 --> 00:15:42,725 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 290 00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,826 (WHOOPS) 291 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,830 Lily, what are you doing here? 292 00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:52,163 Oh, just doing the fun things you single girls do. 293 00:15:52,269 --> 00:15:54,669 What's with the plastic fireman's hat? 294 00:15:54,771 --> 00:15:59,070 I didn't have a cowboy hat, and today was fire safety day at school, so... 295 00:16:00,476 --> 00:16:05,539 - Oh, my God, bitch. This is our anthem. - Really? Who sings this? 296 00:16:07,082 --> 00:16:09,380 Is LL Cool J still doing things? 297 00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:12,783 This is great, Svens. 298 00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:15,214 You guys are so much cooler than Marshall. 299 00:16:15,323 --> 00:16:17,518 He doesn't even own a unitard. 300 00:16:18,092 --> 00:16:21,358 - Who wants a brew? - I don't understand. 301 00:16:21,530 --> 00:16:23,656 Where is the conference call? 302 00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:26,563 No, no. This is the conference call. Get it? 303 00:16:26,668 --> 00:16:30,661 In America, when we work late, we lie about a conference call, 304 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:33,605 and we come up here and we drink a few beers. It's awesome. 305 00:16:33,708 --> 00:16:36,268 This is a waste of time. Push-ups! 306 00:16:38,413 --> 00:16:41,939 Misty, you are such a slut. Let's do another shot. 307 00:16:42,049 --> 00:16:43,949 (ALL WHOOPING) 308 00:16:44,051 --> 00:16:47,283 You're the slut, you skank. Shots are on you. 309 00:16:47,388 --> 00:16:48,911 (ALL WHOOPING) 310 00:16:49,022 --> 00:16:52,185 No, bitch, shots are on you. You're such a whore. 311 00:16:52,292 --> 00:16:53,725 (ALL WHOOPING) 312 00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:57,820 You're all a bunch of prostitutes. You probably have STDs. 313 00:17:02,002 --> 00:17:03,526 Let's go dance. 314 00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:05,396 (ALL WHOOP SOFTLY) 315 00:17:08,441 --> 00:17:10,808 Lily, this isn't working. You shouldn't be here. 316 00:17:10,911 --> 00:17:14,438 (SCOFFS) I get it. Because I'm happily married, I'm some kind of loser? 317 00:17:14,548 --> 00:17:16,071 Exactly the opposite. 318 00:17:16,182 --> 00:17:19,447 Lily, why do you think the woo girls have to woo 319 00:17:19,552 --> 00:17:23,487 when they win a game of beer pong, or when a hot guy takes his shirt off? 320 00:17:23,588 --> 00:17:28,652 It's because that is as good as life gets for them. They're really sad people. 321 00:17:29,161 --> 00:17:31,493 And when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out, 322 00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:35,965 someone like you, it bums them out. It takes away their woo. 323 00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:39,367 You're just saying that so I don't feel like an old married lady. 324 00:17:39,472 --> 00:17:41,564 Look at those girls, Lily. 325 00:17:41,673 --> 00:17:45,109 Look at them and listen to what their woos are really saying. 326 00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:47,508 (WHOOPING) 327 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,007 (WHOOPING) 328 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:54,375 (WHOOPING) 329 00:17:56,354 --> 00:17:58,321 (WHOOPING) 330 00:18:02,726 --> 00:18:05,025 (WHOOPING) 331 00:18:07,464 --> 00:18:13,232 Oh, those poor girls and Ted. I just want to go give them all a hug. 332 00:18:13,337 --> 00:18:19,105 Lily, right now I'm like them. I'm unemployed, I'm single, I'm a little lost. 333 00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:22,675 So every once in a while, I need to woo. 334 00:18:23,013 --> 00:18:27,381 But when I need to talk about something real, you're the one I turn to. 335 00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:30,512 - You're my best friend. - And you're mine. 336 00:18:30,621 --> 00:18:33,555 And I promise I'll make more time for just us. 337 00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:36,386 Marshall doesn't have to tag along to everything we do. 338 00:18:36,492 --> 00:18:38,983 Hey, have you guys tried these purple hooter test tube shots? 339 00:18:39,095 --> 00:18:41,824 I've had like five of them. I don't even think there's alcohol in here. 340 00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:44,422 - Where'd you get that hat? - What hat? 341 00:18:47,637 --> 00:18:51,003 - Hey. We fired Sven. - What? 342 00:18:51,106 --> 00:18:55,065 Yeah, those guys were idiots. I mean, sure, they had some cool ideas. 343 00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:58,079 Some really cool ideas. Actually, I wonder if it's not too late to... 344 00:18:58,181 --> 00:19:02,082 No! The point is, you got the job. 345 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:03,208 - Really? - Yeah. 346 00:19:03,318 --> 00:19:06,048 The search committee realized they made the wrong decision. 347 00:19:06,154 --> 00:19:10,818 Plus, you really mean a lot to them and they want you to be happy. 348 00:19:10,926 --> 00:19:12,518 That's weird. 349 00:19:12,627 --> 00:19:16,187 Look, Ted, your design was the best, and you deserve it. 350 00:19:18,332 --> 00:19:20,027 There's also something that you should know 351 00:19:20,134 --> 00:19:23,502 about why you didn't get the job in the first place. 352 00:19:23,605 --> 00:19:25,595 - You see, Ted... - It was Bilson. 353 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,173 Yeah, yeah. 354 00:19:27,274 --> 00:19:30,766 Bilson just wanted to have an office in a dinosaur head, 355 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,675 but Barney convinced him that it was really, really stupid. 356 00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:37,084 - Well, you know. - Oh. Thank you, Barney. 357 00:19:37,768 --> 00:19:38,962 What... I can't believe this. 358 00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:41,970 I just got our firm the biggest account we've ever had. 359 00:19:42,072 --> 00:19:43,767 (WHOOPS) 360 00:19:45,175 --> 00:19:47,541 Hey, next round's on me. 361 00:19:51,781 --> 00:19:53,976 Why'd you let me off the hook? 362 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:58,145 You did the right thing. Seemed like you deserved a bye. 363 00:19:58,621 --> 00:20:02,455 Plus, it would have really bummed Ted out, and he's finally happy right now. 364 00:20:02,559 --> 00:20:05,027 Yeah. Well. 365 00:20:06,196 --> 00:20:08,561 You really are Ted's best friend. 366 00:20:10,132 --> 00:20:14,399 And so am I. It's a tie. Thanks, Marshall. 367 00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:17,028 OLDER TED: Marshall wound up caving and telling me the truth about Barney, 368 00:20:17,139 --> 00:20:18,538 like ten minutes later. 369 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,165 At which point we tied Uncle Barney to the mechanical bull, 370 00:20:21,276 --> 00:20:23,471 cranked it up to a setting called "paint mixer,"and went home. 371 00:20:23,579 --> 00:20:24,977 (ALL WHOOP) 372 00:20:25,246 --> 00:20:27,111 - I love you, man. - Love you, too, buddy. 373 00:20:27,216 --> 00:20:28,774 Hey, you going to ride the bull tonight? 374 00:20:28,884 --> 00:20:32,047 No, not if you paid me. I have an inner ear thing. 375 00:20:32,221 --> 00:20:34,381 OLDER TED: It was a pretty great night. 376 00:20:37,792 --> 00:20:40,192 Three hours. That's a bar record. 377 00:20:41,230 --> 00:20:42,992 That's right, ladies. 378 00:20:44,298 --> 00:20:48,325 Jillian, you know what'd be really crazy and funny and stupid to do tonight? 379 00:20:48,436 --> 00:20:51,461 If you and me find a guy and have a three-way. 380 00:20:52,072 --> 00:20:54,541 Maybe, if we found the right guy. 381 00:20:55,343 --> 00:20:59,779 Yeah, and if we don't find the right guy, maybe you and I could just... 382 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:04,249 You know who was pretty cute? That guy Ted. Let's go find him.