1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,464 OLDER TED: Kids, your uncle Barney had been called 2 00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:04,127 a lot of names over the years. 3 00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,193 Jerk! 4 00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:08,266 Bastard! 5 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:09,740 Barack Obama, Jr? 6 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:10,935 Mmm-hmm. 7 00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:14,003 And, yes. We can. 8 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,878 But there's one name none of us ever expected to hear him called. 9 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:20,078 Boyfriend. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend. 10 00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:23,281 I've said it, like, 100 times. It still sounds weird to say. 11 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,223 Well, anything sounds weird if you say it 100 times. 12 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,488 Bowl. 13 00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:30,028 Bowl. 14 00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:32,157 Bowl. 15 00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:34,433 - But other than that, things are good? - Bowl. 16 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,024 - Bowl. - I don't know. 17 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,933 - I think Barney's been single for too long. - Bowl. 18 00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:39,972 Like, the other night, I wake up at 4:00 a. m... 19 00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,062 (CLATTERING) 20 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,199 (GASPS) 21 00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,803 Barney, are you awake? 22 00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:46,972 Barney? 23 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:53,146 Barney. This is not a one-night stand. We're dating. Come back to bed. 24 00:00:58,658 --> 00:01:00,888 - Bowl. Bowl. - That's happened three times. 25 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,552 And it's not just that, it's other things. 26 00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,496 Hey. What's wrong? 27 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:09,228 It was just one thing after another at work today, 28 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:12,328 and then I found out my aunt's in the hospital. 29 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,532 I'm just... I'm feeling so overwhelmed and it's just... 30 00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:15,835 (SHUSHING) 31 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,969 What you need to do is talk through this stuff. 32 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:20,569 Thanks. 33 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,478 And then, once you're off the phone with Lily, 34 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:25,814 I'll be down in the bar ready to have sex. Okay? 35 00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:28,380 Bowl. 36 00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:32,317 Look, I'm not the touchy-feeliest person in the world, but, 37 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,723 a little more effort would be nice. 38 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,192 - Bowl. Bowl. - I understand. 39 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,559 I guess, in a lot of ways, Barney doesn't stack up. 40 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:38,892 - Bowl. Bowl. - I mean, you've had some 41 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,227 pretty incredible boyfriends. 42 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:44,737 Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. 43 00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:48,336 - No, that's not it. I don't know. - Bowl. Bowl. 44 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,343 - Maybe he just doesn't have it in him. - Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. 45 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,311 - Maybe this whole thing's a big mistake. - Bowl. 46 00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,405 Bowl? 47 00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:58,206 - She really said that? - And she meant it. 48 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,447 Trust me. I dated Robin for a year. If you don't want to lose her, 49 00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:03,113 you gotta try a little harder. 50 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:05,282 Be more attentive to where she is emotionally. 51 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,451 You know, just be present. 52 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:11,360 Yes, totally. Yeah. Only thing, and this is just me, 53 00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,366 I like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around 54 00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:18,370 next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out! 55 00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,099 OLDER TED: But then, a funny thing happened. 56 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,241 Over the next couple of weeks, Barney was thoughtful, 57 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,937 considerate, sweet. 58 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:30,872 In short, the perfect boyfriend, which, to Robin, meant only one thing. 59 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:32,383 - He's cheating on me. - What? 60 00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:35,012 Why else would he buy me flowers? He's getting some on the side. 61 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,555 Come on, Robin. 62 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:39,148 Barney's not the type of guy who would... Go on. 63 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,216 Plus, he keeps saying he's working late. 64 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,421 But when I call his office, they say he left hours ago. 65 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,963 Well, that doesn't prove anything. 66 00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:48,626 Yes. Proof. Good word. I'm glad you brought that up. 67 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:51,465 Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning. 68 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,501 And what do you plan on doing with it? 69 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:57,634 We. We, you and I, are going to open it up and look for evidence. 70 00:02:58,044 --> 00:03:00,342 Ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere. 71 00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:04,440 No! Stop! Stop! Eye contact. Listen to me. 72 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,953 Robin Scherbatsky is many things. Friend, confidant, 73 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,319 occasional guest star in some confusing dreams 74 00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,915 that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. 75 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:17,554 But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch. Let go. 76 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:21,930 Hey, I've been down in the basement storage area going through all the stuff 77 00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,595 that Lily and I left behind when we moved out. I'm sorry, Robin. 78 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:26,070 We should've cleared it out for you much sooner. 79 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,538 There's a basement storage area? 80 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:31,168 You're not upset. Good. Baby, guess what I found. 81 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,777 - That's great, honey. - What the hell is that? 82 00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:44,619 Marshall got it in college. He used it as a nightstand for years. 83 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:48,183 Until we found out that Lily was allergic to barrel resin. 84 00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,819 - Barrel resin? - Just go with it. 85 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,625 So, you need a hand throwing it out? 86 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:55,190 No, I'm not... I'm not just going to throw her out, okay? 87 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:57,065 Mabel's like family. 88 00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,135 So, what are you going to do with Mabel? 89 00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:02,868 I want to give her away to a lucky new owner. 90 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:05,604 - Do you know anyone? - Yeah, let me think. 91 00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:07,805 Do I know any rodeo clowns? 92 00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:09,708 That's weird, I do. 93 00:04:09,782 --> 00:04:11,682 But even Lenny wouldn't go near that mess. 94 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:16,150 Well, he's not going to have the chance because I am putting old Mabel 95 00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:17,621 in the Bermuda Triangle. 96 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:20,383 OLDER TED: "The Bermuda Triangle" was the name we'd given 97 00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:23,952 years earlier to the curb right in front of our building. 98 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:28,063 Whenever we wanted to give something away, we'd put it right there. 99 00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:34,466 It was uncanny. 100 00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,703 This is so exciting. 101 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,676 Right now, there's someone out there who has no idea 102 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,077 that tonight they're going home with just... 103 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,942 Just the best barrel. 104 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:47,145 Well, let's just hope they're not allergic to barrel resin like Lily here. 105 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,915 Be cool, baby. Damn. 106 00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:52,289 - See you, sweetie. Good luck. - Bye, babe. 107 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,628 - Now, can we please get out of here? - Yeah. I'll grab my coat. 108 00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:58,691 (GRUNTING) 109 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,630 Oops. 110 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,068 A college notebook? 111 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,197 Oh, my God, he's cheating on me with some college girl. 112 00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:09,901 I knew there was a skank, but I thought she'd at least be dumb. 113 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:13,945 "Birthday, July 23. 114 00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:15,742 "Favorite hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks. 115 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:19,046 "Age 29, but tells people that she's 26." 116 00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:23,487 Oh, my God, these are notes about me, or some 29-year-old version of me. 117 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:24,545 (DOOR OPENS) 118 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,383 I hope I'm not too late! 119 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:29,360 I want to see the look of joy on the new owner's face! 120 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,931 She's still there! 121 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,904 Okay, Mabel, let's find you a new home. 122 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,629 Here comes a guy! 123 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:45,200 And he... He just walked, walked right on by it. 124 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,509 He's probably rushing home to get a handcart or something. 125 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,515 Yeah! Hey, better hurry up, pal. 126 00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:51,640 (LAUGHS) 127 00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,948 What are you guys doing with Barney's secret Robin notebook? 128 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,087 Let me rephrase that. 129 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:03,262 Did you two ladies lose some weight? 130 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,696 What do you know about this, Marshall? 131 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,757 Why would Barney have a notebook full of information about me? 132 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,227 Well... 133 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,930 OLDER TED: The truth was 134 00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:16,134 Barney was taking a night school class taught by me. 135 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,708 Welcome to Robin 101. 136 00:06:18,732 --> 00:06:26,732 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 137 00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:40,198 Why is Ted teaching a class about me? 138 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:42,694 It all started a few weeks ago. 139 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,665 ...rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. 140 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,228 Stinson out! 141 00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,241 Stinson back in. 142 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:59,142 Say, hypothetically, I did want to change who I am 143 00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:02,949 to become a better boyfriend to Robin, which I do not, 144 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,021 what kind of changes are we talking about? 145 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,993 Why... There's just so much you need to know about her. 146 00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:14,089 Okay, for starters, don't ever cry in front of her. 147 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:17,828 - Okay. - And whatever you do, 148 00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:20,600 don't cry in front of her four times. 149 00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:23,665 Hey, guys. What you talking about? 150 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,370 - Fantasy football. - Fantasy football. 151 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,444 They realized they couldn't talk about this stuff at the bar, 152 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:32,814 and since you live with Ted, they had to find someplace safe. 153 00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,080 So, Ted's classroom. 154 00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:39,017 "How To Date Robin Scherbatsky." Lesson one. 155 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:41,116 Now, even though she puts up a tough exterior, 156 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:44,595 - what Robin really wants, deep down... - I'm bored. 157 00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,123 You said you wanted my help. 158 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,258 Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard? 159 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:51,367 - We did that already. - No, like, really big boobs. 160 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:55,473 No. Look, I need this, too. I've only been a professor a few weeks. 161 00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,600 Being up here, it's... It's good practice for me. 162 00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:58,871 Can we have class outside? 163 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,812 No. What Robin really wants, deep down is... 164 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:02,870 (CELL PHONE DINGS) 165 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:07,281 - Barney. - What? I'm tweeting about you. 166 00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:08,981 You should be flattered. 167 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,615 How do you spell "blah-blah-blah"? "H's" or no? 168 00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:15,890 Wow, you were just, like, the worst student in the world, weren't you? 169 00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:20,331 They said I had A-D... Something. Can we have class outside? 170 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:24,335 Barney, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up. 171 00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:28,672 I love you and I love Robin. And I want to make this work. 172 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:31,175 So, if you give me a few weeks of attention, 173 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:35,374 I could give you a lifetime of happiness. Can you do that for me? 174 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:39,214 Do you think I should get Sports Illustrated for 70% off the cover price? 175 00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:40,479 Can we have class outside? 176 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,255 I gotta find a way to reach this kid. 177 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:46,248 "Class number two." 178 00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:50,625 "Top 10 Robin Scherbatsky Facial Expressions and Their Meaning." 179 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:56,094 Now, notice the vacant eyes, the pale, queasy expression, suggesting nausea. 180 00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:58,796 - What do these mean? - You guys just had sex? 181 00:08:58,871 --> 00:08:59,895 (EX CLAIMING) 182 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:02,939 Wasn't me. 183 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,773 Dude! I worked really hard on these slides, okay? 184 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,574 - Can we just... - Okay. 185 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,546 This look is hunger. If you ever see Robin looking like this, 186 00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,279 get some food in her quick, or one of two things will happen. 187 00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:17,516 One. Weird, out-of-context laughter. 188 00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:22,626 Or two. Spontaneously falling asleep in strange places. 189 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:28,431 But the most important facial expression of all? 190 00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:31,995 That's a building. 191 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,462 Oh. 192 00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:34,938 That's for my class. 193 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,168 The Flatiron Building. Fun story about it. 194 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,041 It was designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham 195 00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:42,603 in the Beaux-Arts style. This architectural gem... 196 00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,843 - Dude! - Right. 197 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,943 The most important facial expression of all. 198 00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:54,659 Whoa. 199 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,760 Flared nostril ridges. 200 00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:59,730 Wide, unblinking eyes. 201 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:05,701 If you ever, ever see this face, Barney, run. 202 00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:10,942 And don't take a picture of it. She will punch you. 203 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:17,610 And you will cry for the third time that night. 204 00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,750 Which brings us to an important point. 205 00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:27,252 Defusing the bomb. 206 00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:31,129 "Defusing the bomb"? What does that even mean? 207 00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,098 "Three Topics to Distract Robin From Being Mad at You." 208 00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,430 Distract me? That is so condescending. 209 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,299 These guys are really starting to piss me off! 210 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:42,307 "Immediately switch the conversation to one of the following, 211 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,344 "unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes." 212 00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:50,438 (READING) 213 00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:53,549 What? That's not distracting. 214 00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:56,588 That's just talking about the story of a scrappy little underdog team 215 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,851 that prevailed despite very shaky goaltending 216 00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,586 and, frankly, the declining skills of Trevor Linden. 217 00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:07,255 (READING) 218 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,294 You have to clean your gun. 219 00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:12,394 My uncle had a filthy, old shotgun, 220 00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:14,302 blew both his thumbs off trying to shoot a beaver. 221 00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:15,897 You... You want to distract someone, 222 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,273 make them watch my uncle try to eat corn on the cob. 223 00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:22,975 (READING) 224 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,241 Did you know that before intercourse, 225 00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:29,845 the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other? 226 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:33,352 "Mr. Penguin." "Mrs. Penguin." 227 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:36,395 Oh, God, silly penguins, acting all fancy. 228 00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:37,451 (LAUGHING) 229 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:39,796 What were we talking about? 230 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,359 Uh-oh, looks like we got a taker. 231 00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:46,303 Come on, dude. You know you want to. 232 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,840 A guy like you, beard, no mustache. 233 00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:51,706 You're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. 234 00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,571 Do it. 235 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,579 No. That's not a fire hydrant! 236 00:11:57,149 --> 00:12:00,118 For shame, sir. For shame! 237 00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:03,644 I bet you couldn't even grow a mustache if you wanted to! 238 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,020 Neither can you, sweetie. 239 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:06,991 Well, he doesn't know that, baby! God! 240 00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:11,554 Ted's only teaching Barney horrible things about me. 241 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:15,532 I don't know. Check this out. This is actually kind of sweet. 242 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,163 Now, we all know Robin's not what you'd call "touchy-feely." 243 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,265 She doesn't say, "I love you," like a normal person. 244 00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:26,106 Instead, she'll laugh, shake her head, 245 00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:29,978 give you a little smile and say, "You're an idiot." 246 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:32,741 - "You're an idiot"? - Yup. 247 00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:35,613 If she tells you you're an idiot, you are a lucky man. 248 00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:38,082 And if she does say, "I love you," 249 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:40,125 she's already broken up with you in her mind. 250 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:43,428 I think it's nice that Ted knows you that well. 251 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,623 Yeah, well, too bad it's next to a page entitled... 252 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,833 "Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones." 253 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:53,335 Right knee. Ticklish. 254 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,138 Left knee. 255 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:57,835 Does lefty like that? 256 00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,343 (MOANING) 257 00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:03,307 Oh, yeah. Lefty like that. 258 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:08,281 I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby. 259 00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:12,817 That's like taking fashion advice from... Well, Ted Mosby. 260 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,027 Here's a good one. 261 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:18,028 "Top Five Things Never to Do Around Robin." 262 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:19,086 (SCOFFS) 263 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:24,432 Three. Never, ever play the "Guess Who" game with her. 264 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:25,662 What do you mean? 265 00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:28,730 Guess who? 266 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:29,832 (YELLING) 267 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,836 (GROANING) It's me! It's me! It's me! 268 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:37,076 Number four. Unless you want to see it 80 times a day for the next month, 269 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:42,109 never show Robin a YouTube clip of an animal playing a musical instrument. 270 00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,387 Barney! 271 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,424 Do you have a problem with this class? 272 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,894 Yeah, it's boring as hell and I'm not learning anything. 273 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:54,429 Well, maybe the problem is your attitude. You're not listening to a word I say. 274 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,592 Uh-huh. 275 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:59,832 Can you hear this, Professor? Or should I turn it up for you? 276 00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:03,540 OLDER TED: It may not have been a thumbs-up, kids. 277 00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:05,409 So, you think you're not learning anything, huh? 278 00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:11,177 - Okay. Pop quiz. - What... 279 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,684 When Robin's PMS-ing, what kind of chocolate should you get her? 280 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:16,152 - Trick question. Get her butterscotch. - Correct! Why? 281 00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,884 Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women. 282 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,688 Correct! What is Robin's dream job? 283 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,320 To become the most successful female TV journalist of all time. 284 00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,864 Correct! And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy? 285 00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,799 No! Robin's deep-seated need for attention can be traced back 286 00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:31,301 to her father's emotional distance, 287 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,997 and no amount of success will ever make up 288 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,404 for what she truly needs, which is six simple words from her dad, 289 00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:38,375 - "Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?" - Yes! 290 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:40,738 (BOTH PANTING) 291 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,572 But I guess you're right. 292 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:45,778 You haven't learned anything. 293 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:49,787 Sorry to have wasted your time. 294 00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:54,216 "O Captain! My Captain!" 295 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:04,896 - How good was Dead Poets Society? - I know, right? The end? Tears. 296 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,070 Okay, can I just say that my deepest need in life 297 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,938 is not to have my father say, "I am proud of you, eh?" 298 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,308 - Then why are you crying right now? - I'm not crying. 299 00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:16,815 Sweetie. Can I get you some butterscotch? 300 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,214 No, stop it. 301 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:20,274 (BOTH SIGHING) 302 00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:26,722 Wait a second. It says here that the class meets at 6:15 on Tuesday. 303 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,589 - So? - That's right now. 304 00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:33,425 Now, as you can see, well over 50% of the blankets 305 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:37,196 have been dragged onto her side. Make no mistake. 306 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:43,367 Robin Scherbatsky is a classic, textbook cover hog. 307 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,466 (BLEEPING) 308 00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,945 - Any questions? - ROBIN: Yeah, I have one. 309 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,503 Yes, Robin? 310 00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,042 (BOTH EX CLAIMING) 311 00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:01,983 Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes. 312 00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:03,050 Uh-oh. 313 00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:07,360 I got this. So, emperor penguins. Crazy, huh? 314 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,599 What the hell do you two think you're doing? 315 00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,695 Marshall, did you sell us out? 316 00:16:13,772 --> 00:16:18,641 I was vulnerable, okay. I said goodbye to a very dear friend today. 317 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,508 Dude, it's a barrel! 318 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,509 Aw. You're giving Mabel away? 319 00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:24,572 Okay, I have... I have so many questions. 320 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,517 Why would you do this? What were you thinking? 321 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,019 Who the hell is that guy? 322 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,918 That's Shin-Ya. He's sort of been auditing the class. 323 00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:34,452 Auditing? 324 00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:36,687 Well, I tried to explain to him it wasn't a real class, 325 00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,525 but I don't think he speaks much English. 326 00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,459 On the bright side, he came in handy standing in for you 327 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:43,194 during the role-playing exercises. 328 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:47,295 Wait. You did role-playing exercises where I was played by Shin-Ya? 329 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,698 (SPEAKING JAPANESE) 330 00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,239 You know, I can't believe you, Ted. 331 00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,338 You actually think you're some kind of an expert on me? 332 00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:59,043 Hey! He is an expert. He's a great teacher! 333 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,219 - (CLEARING THROAT) Kiss ass. - You know, half the stuff 334 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:03,015 in this notebook is patently wrong. 335 00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:05,022 Really? Name one wrong thing. 336 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,888 "Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones." 337 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,224 Let me clear something up for you, Ted. 338 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,922 Does lefty like that? 339 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:15,626 - Oh, yeah. - All right. 340 00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:19,496 - Don't want to leave out righty. - Oh, no. 341 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:22,369 The right one's ticklish, I guess. 342 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,637 But the left one, yeah, I'm glad you're back there. 343 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:31,843 Because that is just some sweet, sweet loving. 344 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,316 Noted. 345 00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:35,886 - That was a lie? - We had just started dating. 346 00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:36,978 I was being nice. 347 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,182 (BARNEY CHUCKLING) 348 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:39,884 And you. You know, 349 00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,358 I got it into my head this week that you were cheating on me. 350 00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,828 I even broke open your briefcase to look for evidence. 351 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:48,333 That is a huge violation of my privacy! 352 00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,029 Go on. 353 00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,938 You know, in a way, I was right. You cheated. 354 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:59,205 You can't get some crib sheet on dating me. That's not how it works. 355 00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:03,840 If we can't figure out how to be with each other in a real, honest way, 356 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,441 I don't see the point of even trying. 357 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:16,185 (SPEAKING JAPANESE) 358 00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:23,259 - What do you want? - Look. 359 00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,394 All that stuff I told Barney, 360 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:29,430 it was personal between you and me. I'm really sorry. 361 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,169 I guess I'm impressed by how much you remembered. 362 00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,309 It's funny. 363 00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:39,475 When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course 364 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,644 in who that person is and then when you break up, 365 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,449 all that stuff becomes useless. 366 00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,622 It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree. 367 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,560 I guess I just liked the idea of putting all my Robin Scherbatsky 368 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,119 knowledge to good use, you know? 369 00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:56,693 Well, since you know me pretty well, 370 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,704 am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing? 371 00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:01,831 I don't know. 372 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,040 I will say this, though. 373 00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:06,669 I've seen Barney work very hard to get women. 374 00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:10,575 I've seen him work very hard to get rid of women. 375 00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:13,643 I've never seen him work this hard to keep one around. 376 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,282 I was going to give him an A. 377 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,984 Well, B+. Shin-Ya kind of screwed up the curve. 378 00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,458 Hey. Before you say anything, 379 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:29,092 I am done with this stupid Robin 101, okay? 380 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,329 Here, I'll get rid of the notebook. 381 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,599 But there's... 382 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,474 There's something that I did want to say to you. 383 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,139 Robin, I have been with a lot of women. 384 00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,152 Blondes, brunettes, redheads. 385 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:53,685 Big boobs, small boobs, medium boobs, 386 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,728 some boobs that were big, but kind of in a bad way. 387 00:19:57,062 --> 00:20:01,260 The point is... Boobs that pointed in opposite... The point is... 388 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,297 I'm really scared that you're going to dump me 389 00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:09,306 and that's why I did this and I'm sorry. 390 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,638 You're an idiot. 391 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,448 - You know... - Hmm? 392 00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:27,288 That notebook does contain a lot of personal info, 393 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:31,523 - and I think it has my home address. - And your work address. 394 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:34,897 Whoa. 395 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,064 MARSHALL: Hey, guys! If you don't want the barrel, can you sit somewhere else? 396 00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:41,572 'Cause you're scaring away potential takers. 397 00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:50,574 Designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham in the Beaux-Arts style, 398 00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:54,050 this architectural gem was the first of its kind... 399 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:55,882 - Professor Mosby? - Yes, Susan? 400 00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:57,854 That's a woman drinking beer on the toilet. 401 00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:03,822 Right. That... That was Daniel Burnham's wife. 402 00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:07,456 She was a troubled, troubled woman. We are moving on. 403 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:34,948 ENGLISH - US - SDH