1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:03,565 OLDER TED: Kids, as long as I'd known your Uncle Barney, 2 00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:06,537 he'd always had some pretty strong opinions on relationships. 3 00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:12,545 Your girlfriend? She's your "girlfriend"? She's a girl, and a friend? 4 00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:16,139 (LAUGHING) How is... Do not humanize the enemy, Ted. 5 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,678 But nice to meet you, Barney Stinson. 6 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:22,779 OLDER TED: And yet, in the fall of 2009, he was the one with the girlfriend. 7 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,087 Go ahead, open it. Open it, open it, open it, open it! 8 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,061 It's my porn collection! 9 00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,596 Just kidding. That would be weird. 10 00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:33,663 - It's your porn collection. - It's my porn collection! 11 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:35,098 I'm giving you my porn. 12 00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:38,001 Now that things are so great with Robin, I don't need it anymore. 13 00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:43,031 Wow. You are voluntarily giving up your porn. 14 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:46,306 - You really are serious. - Well, that's obvious. 15 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,778 - What does that mean? - Oh, nothing. 16 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:49,781 It's just, you know, you got relationship gut. 17 00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:55,310 What? No, I do not got "relationship gut." That is ridiculous. 18 00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:57,615 It's no big deal. I mean, once you're dating someone, 19 00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:00,750 it's natural to let things go a little bit. Trust me. 20 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,724 - We've been there. - Yeah. Boy, did I pudge out for a while. 21 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:07,993 Well, we should get going. 22 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:12,266 Goodbye, my sweet, beloved friends, who have always been there for me. 23 00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:15,574 - You'll be missed. - He's talking to the porn. 24 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:16,833 Oh. 25 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,275 MARSHALL AND LILY: Bye, Robin. TED: See you, Robs. 26 00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:25,078 (LAUGHING) Look at these videos. Space Orgy. Horny Co-Ed Surprise Party 23. 27 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:29,144 You'd think after the first 22 parties, the co-eds wouldn't be surprised anymore. 28 00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:33,022 So, we can get rid of these for you. 29 00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:37,124 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not a problem. I'll take care of them. 30 00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:38,596 Are you sure? I mean, no biggie. 31 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:41,862 We can just swing by the back alley and drop the box in the dumpster. 32 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,597 I see six of the words you just said on this video label. 33 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,139 Seriously, it's not a big deal. I will take care of it. 34 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,333 - No. 'Cause I... I mean, we... - Leave them! 35 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:49,500 Okay. 36 00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,407 You know, in a way, it's sad, right? 37 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,415 I mean, Barney's giving up his porn. He's got relationship gut. 38 00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,849 They eat at the same diner every night. 39 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:01,113 It's like the end of Barney Stinson as we know him. 40 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:05,055 - Yeah, well, so what? They're happy... - Yeah, well, we gotta go. Later. 41 00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:09,190 - (WHISPERING) So, what'd you get? - I got Squat. 42 00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:11,755 What are you... I thought I saw you take one? 43 00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:14,095 Yeah, I did. It's called Squat. 44 00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:21,133 "Archisexture." 45 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,202 That is not how you spell "Buckminster Fuller." 46 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,508 OLDER TED: Kids, pornography is bad. 47 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:30,981 And so, I was getting rid of that vile pornography right away... 48 00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:34,542 I am getting rid of this vile pornography right away. 49 00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:37,288 OLDER TED: ... when something terrible happened. 50 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,520 Oh, no. 51 00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,822 Oh, no. 52 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,326 Oh, no. 53 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,770 Oh, no. 54 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:01,840 - WOMAN: (IN HUSKY VOICE) Archisexture... - Hello, Ted. 55 00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,711 If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, 56 00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:08,219 then you are now in possession of my porn. 57 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,984 This can only mean one of two things, either I'm dead, 58 00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:13,220 or I'm in a committed relationship. 59 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:17,120 If I'm dead, I want you to honor my memory 60 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:22,400 by taking my body to The Hamptons and recreating Weekend at Bernie's. 61 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,164 I wanna dance, I wanna have sex with a girl 62 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:28,204 and I wanna go fishing. 63 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,872 lf, on the other hand, I'm in a committed relationship, 64 00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:36,437 then, as your best friend, I have only one request. 65 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:41,479 Please, for the love of God, get me out of it! 66 00:03:41,503 --> 00:03:49,503 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 67 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,492 I might look happy, but don't believe it. 68 00:03:57,670 --> 00:04:00,161 Barney Stinson is meant to be single. 69 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,334 So, please, if you value my best friendship... 70 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:06,503 That's right, Marshall, I'm his best friend. How does that feel? 71 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,547 Then get me out of this. 72 00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:12,111 And, finally, since you were expecting some porn. 73 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:21,359 No, no, no, baby. Don't worry. The flashing green light means it's off. 74 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,028 Are we sure he was finished talking? 75 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,091 Look, there's no reason we should take this seriously, right? 76 00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:33,070 Of course not. This is an old tape. Barney is happy with Robin. 77 00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:36,170 OLDER TED: But over the next couple of weeks, I started to notice things. 78 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:39,069 Barney and Robin stopped having crazy adventures. 79 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,476 - So, what'd you guys do last night? - I wanted to go to a concert. 80 00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:43,742 He wanted to go to a party. 81 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:46,011 Obviously, we couldn't do what just one of us wanted, 82 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:49,111 so we just stayed in, watched a movie on cable. 83 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:51,622 It was Legen... Wait for it. 84 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:55,694 ...ds of the Fall. Legends of the Fall! 85 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:58,763 It was okay. 86 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,361 OLDER TED: Barney stopped being himself. 87 00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:03,868 Hey, Barney. I'm chatting up this girl over there. 88 00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,801 I could use a little help landing the plane. 89 00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:09,032 Sorry, Ted, I'm my own wingman tonight. 90 00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,166 (LAUGHING) 91 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,647 OLDER TED: And Robin got annoyed at everything he said. 92 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:17,182 So, how are you two? 93 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,444 - Great. - Yeah. 94 00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:20,713 - Relationships are the best. - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. 95 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:23,347 - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. - The sharing, the compromise. 96 00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,256 - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. - The monogamy, can't beat it. 97 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:29,818 - Catchphrase, yes. - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. 98 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,123 OLDER TED: But the worse they got... 99 00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,792 I'm full, sweetie. 100 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:37,267 OLDER TED: ... the more they kept saying things were great. 101 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,534 Now the truth is, Barney and Robin only let themselves go a little bit. 102 00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:44,235 But I swear, after a few more weeks, to us, they seemed like this. 103 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:49,880 I'll be there, (SNIFFS) in a minute. 104 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:52,840 (SIGHS) 105 00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:55,845 Hey. 106 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,419 - They're killing each other! - They love each other. 107 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:02,723 Barney and Robin love each other, but they're not Barney and Robin anymore. 108 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:06,231 - They're the fat guy and the old lady. - My favorite '70s detective show. 109 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,062 Look, it's so clear. 110 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:11,661 Barney's been overeating because he hates being tied down like this. 111 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:14,366 And Robin's stressing out because she hates what Barney's turned into. 112 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,567 No. They're a perfect match. 113 00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:19,338 Well, maybe that's the problem. I mean, maybe they're too similar. 114 00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:21,778 It must be tough having two alpha dogs in one relationship. 115 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,315 We have two alpha dogs in our relationship. 116 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,681 Sure we do, sweetie. 117 00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,617 If they're not happy, why don't they just break up? 118 00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:28,984 Because they're too stubborn. 119 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,956 Neither one of them wants to be the first to admit that they want out. 120 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:33,514 They're playing relationship chicken. 121 00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,151 I think Barney ate the relationship chicken. 122 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,456 (TED LAUGHING) 123 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,224 Ted, it's just a rough patch. 124 00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:40,731 It takes time getting used to being with someone else. 125 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,165 And they're both... 126 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,328 - What's the nice word for selfish? - Independent. 127 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,168 Independent. Every relationship goes through this. 128 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:51,970 It's true. I have this astronaut friend, totally loved his fiancée. 129 00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,871 And then, the day before his mission, she caught him 130 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:59,475 with, like, four other chicks, a couple of dudes. Things got really tense. 131 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:02,152 Finally, she ended up sneaking out of the space shuttle... 132 00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:04,815 - Are you talking about Space Orgy? - Yes, I am. 133 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:08,156 Ted, it's just a rough patch. Just let things run their course. 134 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,250 - She's right. - TED: But... 135 00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:11,455 Two-to-one, Ted. Leave them alone. 136 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,592 OLDER TED: So I did leave them alone. But that weekend... 137 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,257 Mmm. 138 00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:19,562 Have you noticed how beef ribs used to always be disgusting, 139 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:23,735 and then recently they found a way to make them really delicious instead? 140 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,002 Okay, Barney. I'm gonna go ahead and ask you this head on. 141 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,639 - Are you happy with Robin? - Are you kidding? 142 00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:32,912 How could I not be happy with Robin? It's Robin! 143 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:35,783 - So are you happy? - I can't believe you'd even ask me that. 144 00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,221 I mean, yes, we fight all the time, 145 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,192 but, you know what they say about relationships. 146 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,251 "Every moment's a battle." 147 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,088 So are you happy? 148 00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:49,897 And you know what goes hand-in-hand with fighting, the make-up sex, 149 00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:55,935 which is different when you're in a loving, long-term relationship. 150 00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:59,007 Heads, we have sex. 151 00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:02,241 Tails, we order a whole pizza and just lay here moaning. 152 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,647 Oh, great. Let the coin decide. 153 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,207 (BARNEY SIGHS) 154 00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:09,482 - Which was pizza again? - Tails. 155 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,520 It was tails. 156 00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:16,324 Sex. Am I right? Thank God that's mostly over. 157 00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:18,085 (BURPS) 158 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,664 I'm still hungry. You hungry? 159 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,897 We have to break them up. 160 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:32,204 You're right. Barney and Robin are miserable together, 161 00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,508 but they're too stubborn to admit it. 162 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,105 - So, we have to get them to break up. - How do we do that? 163 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,743 We unleash the Kraken. 164 00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:42,746 OLDER TED: Kids, as you know, earlier that year, 165 00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:46,451 I'd learned that Lily had broken up not one, not two, 166 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,120 but seven of my past relationships. 167 00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:54,058 - Forget it. I'm retired. I'm out of the game. - But nobody's better than you. 168 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,829 I'm telling you. I swore off that racket. 169 00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,697 I've gone legit. I'm a matchmaker now. 170 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,502 - Set me up with someone. - Whoa! I'm just starting out. 171 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,702 Listen, you've gotta break them up. This relationship is killing them. 172 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:08,611 I know it is, but I've learned my lesson. 173 00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,741 No more interfering. Let things run their course. 174 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,444 - It's two-to-one. - Yes, but the one is me. 175 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,424 All right, we don't need her. We can break them up on our own. 176 00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:20,616 How? 177 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,655 Okay, remember when Robin and I were dating? 178 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,993 What was the one big thing that really freaked her out? 179 00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:29,328 No. No. No. No. No. Ted, you cannot do this to me. 180 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,370 No! No. No. No. 181 00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:34,304 - What are you talking about? - This. This is what I'm talking about. 182 00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:36,273 What is this doing in my champagne? 183 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,510 If we make Robin think for even a second that Barney is proposing, 184 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,739 she'll lose it, and they'll break up. 185 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:43,543 That's crazy. Why don't we just, like, lead Barney into temptation? 186 00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:45,948 We'll find some hot woman to hit on him. 187 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:52,187 Okay, the ring thing. 188 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,128 Stakeout van. 189 00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:00,756 - What? - We should have gotten a stakeout van. 190 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,097 We could have ordered pizza, and looked through big binoculars 191 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:06,229 and said, "This ain't what I signed up for." Stuff like that. 192 00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:08,296 TED: Shh... Here comes the waiter. 193 00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:11,266 - Please, shut up! - What? 194 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,435 I thought you said something. Sorry. 195 00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,746 Is that an engagement ring? 196 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,220 - Are you? - Oh, no. No. 197 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,226 That's not me. They must've delivered it to the wrong table. 198 00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,887 Could you imagine, us getting married? 199 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:31,952 (LAUGHING) 200 00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:34,961 Well, we are committed to each other. 201 00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,659 BARNEY: Most of your stuff is already at my apartment. 202 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,672 - Might make taxes easier. - Speed up your citizenship. 203 00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:44,603 - "Scherbatsky" is so hard to spell. - My mom would be so happy. 204 00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:48,905 - (SIGHING) I guess so. - No reason not to. 205 00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:52,111 - We're getting married! - Not so loud. Geez! 206 00:10:52,184 --> 00:10:56,086 What did you do? I am furious right now. This is so wrong! 207 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,283 - Lily, will you be my maid of honor? - Oh, my God. I would love to. 208 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,361 Are you out of your mind? 209 00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:06,887 You knew they were playing relationship chicken, and what did you do? 210 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,764 You put an engagement ring in front of them. 211 00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:12,629 Okay. That's it. I'm taking over. 212 00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:17,141 I'm coming out of retirement for one last breakup. 213 00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:18,608 - (EX CLAIMING) Yes! - All right. 214 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,646 - How are we gonna do it? - These guys are in so deep 215 00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:22,681 just one fight ain't gonna do it. 216 00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:27,549 We need to reignite the four biggest fights they've ever been in, all at once. 217 00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:30,888 Number one, the battle of the dirty dishes. 218 00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,052 (INAUDIBLE) 219 00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:37,624 Number two, the ex-girlfriend conflict. 220 00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:42,691 - Hey, don't you know that girl over there? - No. I don't think so. 221 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,430 No, in fact, I have definitely... Hey, it's Meg. 222 00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:50,174 Well, I am certainly not comparing you two in my mind right now. 223 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:51,908 Whoops. Hey, will you get that for me? 224 00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:52,966 - Really? - Please? 225 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,013 Why do you keep doing this? You're embarrassing me in public. 226 00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,480 You're constantly putting me in these positions. 227 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,948 Number three, the Star Wars altercation. 228 00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:03,053 Isn't it time you got rid of your stupid doll? 229 00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,454 It's not a doll. It's a Stormtrooper. 230 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,822 Uh... He's wearing a diaper. 231 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,259 It's not a diaper, Robin. It's protective armor. 232 00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:13,692 - Stormtrooper, more like Stormpooper. - Stop it! 233 00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:15,927 (IMITATING FARTING) Whoa! Oh! 234 00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:18,435 It sounds like your Stormpooper here needs a changing. 235 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:19,528 Okay, you know what, I'm sick of it. 236 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:20,936 - I'm sick of your jokes. - I didn't say anything. 237 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:23,099 - Your jokes about the magic... - I can't joke? 238 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:27,405 And of course, the biggie, the Canadian-American war. 239 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:32,281 Thank God that song's over. Who the hell was that old lady singing? 240 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:35,843 Okay, you know that Neil Young is my favorite musician. 241 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,081 Right. Now was that the same old lady 242 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,852 who played Archie Bunker's wife in All in the Family, 243 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,119 or just a sound-alike? 244 00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:46,187 Neil Young is a Canadian treasure. Do not make fun of Neil Young. 245 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,860 Robin, I would never make fun of a defenseless, old lady 246 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,369 - with vocal cord paralysis. Ever. - Here we go. 247 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,201 - In public? Really? - Yeah, in public. I'll go there. 248 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,503 - We're gonna have a fight in public? - It's nothing to be mad about. 249 00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:57,868 I got it. 250 00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:01,811 I got it. We e-mail them pictures reminding them of each of these fights. 251 00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:04,877 You child. Here's how it goes down. 252 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:05,939 They're at the diner. 253 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,615 First, rekindling the Canadian-American debate, 254 00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,883 Ontario native Alan Thicke stops by the table. 255 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,687 BOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa. 256 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,819 - Alan Thicke? - Oh! Right, 257 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,861 Robin knew him back when she was a singer. 258 00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:22,594 Yeah, and they still keep in touch. I already got his number off her phone. 259 00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:24,568 Seriously, amateurs. 260 00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:28,634 LILY: So Alan Thicke restarts the Canada-US fight. 261 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,540 Right at that moment, Crazy Meg shows up. 262 00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,745 Then, a Stormtrooper happens to walk by the window. 263 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,872 And just when they can't take anything more, 264 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:42,887 a busboy walks by with a tray full of what? Dirty dishes. 265 00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:50,826 (INAUDIBLE) 266 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:55,458 Lily, this is your masterpiece. 267 00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:58,336 We're getting a stakeout van! 268 00:13:58,537 --> 00:14:02,098 A station wagon? Really? You rented a station wagon? 269 00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:06,367 - Yeah, a van cost, like, 25 bucks more. - A station wagon. (SCOFFS) 270 00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:11,647 LOSTIN SPACEROBOT: Greetings, Will Robinson! Where's the birthday boy or girl? 271 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:14,584 - Hey, climb on in. - What the hell is this? 272 00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:18,020 They didn't have any Stormtroopers, so I had to get a different robot. 273 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,216 This will still work. 274 00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:22,226 Different robot? Stormtroopers aren't robots. 275 00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:25,886 Of course they're robots. (ROBOT VOICE) "Must kill Luke Skywalker." 276 00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:29,731 - Nobody says that in Star Wars. - Really lousy robot voice, honey. 277 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,531 Someone ordered an extra-large sausage. 278 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,936 Hey, one of Barney's videos starts off just like that. 279 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:37,100 Hey, guys, Barney's ordering five of something. 280 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:40,278 - I don't know if it's gonna fit in here. - Okay. Now you're just quoting the video. 281 00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:42,837 Still ordering. Waiter's taking out a second pad. 282 00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,543 Yeah, okay, well, we need it in here. We're on a stakeout. 283 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,710 Shouldn't you be in a van? 284 00:14:46,785 --> 00:14:49,049 - A van costs more. - Thank you. 285 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,180 Score me a slice, Will Robinson. 286 00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:53,657 No, no, no. You get a stain on that costume, they're gonna charge us. 287 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:57,457 - Dude, will you just chill about money. - Yeah, let the Stormtrooper have a slice. 288 00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:59,759 - Yeah. It's not a Stormtrooper. - It's not a Stormtrooper. 289 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:00,856 (KNOCKING ON WINDOW) 290 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,868 Hi, Lily. Sorry I'm late. I was looking for a van. 291 00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:05,335 - Thank you. - $25. 292 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,032 - So, should I go say hi to Robin? - Not yet. Get in the car. 293 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:12,369 Okay, so wait, wait, wait. When they blew up the Death Star, 294 00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:16,437 knowing full well there were thousands of Stormtroopers on it, those were people? 295 00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:19,609 Well, it was called the Death Star, baby. They knew what they were getting into. 296 00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,313 Look, I don't wanna play the "I'm Alan Thicke" card, 297 00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,515 but I really do have a dinner to get to, so... 298 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,923 - Someone has gotta take this sausage. - Okay, were you in that video? 299 00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,585 Were you the guy with the farmer tan? 300 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,789 LOSTIN SPACEROBOT: Jonesing for some za, Will Robinson. 301 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:35,493 - Come on, I'm Alan Thicke! - This ain't what I signed up for. 302 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:38,297 - Hey, that's my... - Okay, you know what, everyone stop! 303 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:41,396 Alan Thicke, shut up! Marshall, it's a station wagon, get over it! 304 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:43,100 Ted, stop talking about porn! 305 00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:46,633 And for the love of God, somebody get the Stormtrooper some pizza! 306 00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,475 - It's not a Stormtrooper. - It's not a Stormtrooper. 307 00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:49,536 Crap! 308 00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:51,773 They see us. 309 00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,143 LOSTIN SPACEROBOT: Danger! Danger! 310 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,889 - (WHISPERING) Are you sure they saw us? - Yes. 311 00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:04,320 Hey! 312 00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:07,354 Can I go talk to Barney now? I'm so excited. 313 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:09,867 Do you really think he's gonna propose to me? 314 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,904 - Oh, honey. - Forget it, Crazy Meg. We've been made. 315 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,667 If we try anything now, they're gonna know it's us. 316 00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:18,574 - I think we should all just go home. - No! This is my masterpiece. 317 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,842 - So what if they saw us? It'll still work. - Stop it! We'll think of something else. 318 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:25,315 Let me repeat, I am Alan Thicke. 319 00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:29,114 - (GASPS) You're Alan Thicke? - No. 320 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,153 Alan Thicke, you're up. Get on out there. 321 00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,587 OLDER TED: And so, Lily followed through with her plan. 322 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,158 First, Alan Thicke, 323 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,898 followed by Crazy Meg, 324 00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,191 then the robot 325 00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:46,933 and, finally, the dirty dishes. 326 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:50,664 But by the end of it... 327 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,914 LILY: They're kissing. They shouldn't be kissing. Why isn't this working? 328 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,950 Because they're in love. 329 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,917 It really was just a rough patch. 330 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,282 What the hell am I doing? 331 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,527 This whole thing was a mistake. 332 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,927 So, any of you dudes wanna get high? 333 00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:19,535 I never thought I'd be saying this tonight, 334 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,472 but to Barney and Robin, the happy couple. 335 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:26,242 OLDER TED: That was the moment we learned that relationships take hard work, 336 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:28,176 but eventually, everything will work out. 337 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:29,271 - Hey. - Hey. 338 00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:31,816 - Where's Barney? - Uh... We broke up. 339 00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:33,944 OLDER TED: And that was the moment we unlearned 340 00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:36,613 that other lesson we had just learned a few seconds earlier. 341 00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:38,588 You see, earlier that night, 342 00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:41,285 when Lily thought Barney and Robin had spotted her, 343 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,987 this is what they really saw. 344 00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:48,827 Why do that fat guy and old lady keep... 345 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,339 Oh, my God. That's us. 346 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,901 Look at us. Did we always look this awful? 347 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,407 Robin, I'm not happy. 348 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:07,582 I mean, I wish I was. Nothing would make me happier than being happy, 349 00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:09,418 but I'm not. 350 00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:13,186 But what are we doing wrong? We love each other. 351 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,852 I mean, if this doesn't work, what will? 352 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,293 We're so similar. 353 00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,796 We both like scotch. We're both awesome. 354 00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:23,632 You know, maybe that's it. Maybe there's just too much awesome here. 355 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:27,838 Exactly. Two awesomes cancel each other out. 356 00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:32,742 - I'm tired of being canceled out. - Me, too. 357 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:38,709 - Are we breaking up? - I think so. 358 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:44,322 Aw, crap. Now comes the next part, 359 00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:48,154 the part where you and I can't go back to being friends. 360 00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:52,163 Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. 361 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:57,928 Maybe this is two friends getting back together. 362 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,136 - ALAN: Robin? - Hi. 363 00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:07,906 - It's always so great to see a fellow hoser. - Oh. Yes. 364 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:11,711 Hi. Good news. I forgive you for the whole restraining order thing. 365 00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:13,842 Uh, hi. 366 00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:16,915 - ROBIN: Was that a Stormtrooper? - That's not a... 367 00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:19,486 - You wanna get outta here? - Yeah. 368 00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:20,547 - Excuse me. - See you, guys. 369 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:21,888 - Excuse me. - Okay. 370 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,190 - See you, Alan. - See you, Alan. 371 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:28,327 - So, you still on 73rd Street? - How do you know that? 372 00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:34,337 Getting back together as friends. I like that. 373 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,765 One more for the road? 374 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:44,574 And, I mean, who knows, 375 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:47,585 maybe when, like, you turn 40, if you haven't found anyone... 376 00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:51,111 - I already have that deal with Ted. - Oh! Right. Stupid. 377 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,318 Well, maybe when you turn 39, if you haven't found anyone... 378 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:55,382 (ROBIN LAUGHING) 379 00:19:56,261 --> 00:20:00,288 OLDER TED: It turns out that they really did just need to let things run their course. 380 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:04,266 - So, how's Barney doing? - He's okay, I think. 381 00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:06,861 It might be a while before he fully recovers, but... 382 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:07,928 Mmm. 383 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:10,371 - Did you guys just feel a chill? - Yeah. 384 00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:28,248 Daddy's home. 385 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:36,262 - Well, Robin, I'm glad we could catch up. - Yeah. Let's do it again soon. 386 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:40,271 I love that you guys are still friends so long after you did that music video. 387 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:41,328 - Yeah. - The music... 388 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:45,968 The Sandcastles video. Yes, yes. We did that together, too. 389 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,571 What do you mean "too"? 390 00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:50,911 Well, we had this failed Canadian TV variety show. 391 00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:53,008 That was so embarrassing. 392 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:57,215 Imagine what would happen if anybody ever got their hands on that? 393 00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:58,813 Ooh! You. 394 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,584 (ROBIN SIGHING) 395 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:34,948 ENGLISH - US - SDH