1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:04,699
OLDER TED: <i>In November, 2009,</i>
<i>Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily</i>

2
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:07,797
<i>hosted the first Thanksgiving</i>
<i>at their very own apartment.</i>

3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,067
<i>And Marshall had found the perfect turkey.</i>

4
00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:16,343
Oh, baby, it is beautiful. It's 22 pounds.
It's organic.

5
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:20,580
You remember my bald Uncle Heinrek?
It looks exactly like his head.

6
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:24,715
Oh, my God. My turkey. My turkey!

7
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,657
OLDER TED: <i>So, when we showed up</i>
<i>for the big day,</i>

8
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,355
<i>Marshall was pretty bummed out.</i>

9
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:31,829
- Well, we got the turkey.
- No. You didn't.

10
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,662
You got the pathetic replacement turkey.

11
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,100
Damn it, you know, why didn't I just listen
to the prerecorded voice

12
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:39,366
of former Mayor Ed Koch
reminding me to take my belongings?

13
00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,873
No, Marshall, you don't understand.

14
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,103
Robin and I went to
the Port Authority Lost and Found,

15
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,771
and there, sitting in their fridge...

16
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,474
ROBIN: Marshall Eriksen,

17
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:52,574
- is this your turkey?
- Yes! That's my turkey!

18
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,621
Come here, you handsome little bastard!

19
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,452
- Okay, I'm going to go put this in the oven.
- Okay.

20
00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:00,823
Oh, my God!
You guys are the best friends ever!

21
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,022
It was totally a team effort. I'm so...

22
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,331
Guys, I don't know what to say.

23
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,199
I mean, it's Thanksgiving, but
"thanks" just doesn't seem like enough.

24
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,033
Come on, buddy,
you would've done the same thing for us.

25
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:15,199
Yeah, I would, and you know why?
Because I love you guys.

26
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:16,970
And I'm gonna show you just how much.

27
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:19,911
Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky,

28
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:24,246
I bequeath unto you the fourth slap.

29
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,683
Wait, what?

30
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,744
OLDER TED: <i>Kids, you remember</i>
<i>Barney and Marshall's Slap Bet.</i>

31
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,518
<i>When Barney lost,</i>
<i>Marshall won the right to slap Barney</i>

32
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:35,995
<i>five times as hard as he could.</i>
<i>So far, he'd used three of those five slaps.</i>

33
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,052
(BARNEY GRUNTS)

34
00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:40,463
OLDER TED: <i>With the third being doled out</i>
<i>exactly two years earlier</i>

35
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,934
<i>on Thanksgiving Day, 2007.</i>

36
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:46,598
<i>A day that history came to know</i>
<i>as "Slapsgiving."</i>

37
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,802
- Are you saying...
- What we think you're saying?

38
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,343
Probably not.

39
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:56,012
Unless you think I'm saying,
"Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,"

40
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:59,382
in which case, yes,
that's exactly what I'm saying!

41
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:02,547
No way! Uh-uh. Slaps aren't transferable.

42
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,285
- Lily is the Slap Bet Commissioner. Lil?
- You...

43
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,691
- Slaps are transferable.
- No!

44
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,194
- Transferable!
- Transferable!

45
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,856
Wait, Marshall, you realize
you'll only have one left after this.

46
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,093
Are you sure you want
to spend this slap today?

47
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:16,931
Life is short. I figured, "Slap-e diem."

48
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,973
Okay, rule number one,
the slap must occur before sundown,

49
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,338
- so as not to interfere with Lily's meal.
- Damn straight.

50
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:25,378
Two, you guys have to decide
amongst yourselves who gets to do it.

51
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:28,278
Three, we're going to tie Barney
to this chair,

52
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:30,976
which shall henceforth be referred to
as the slapping throne.

53
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,245
- Sound fair?
- Totally.

54
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,980
- Amazing.
- Absolutely not!

55
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:37,182
OLDER TED: <i>It was all set to be</i>
<i>the best Thanksgiving ever, until...</i>

56
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,246
(DOORBELL RINGS)

57
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,122
Are we expecting somebody else?

58
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:44,129
OLDER TED: <i>It was someone</i>
<i>Lily hadn't seen or spoken to in three years.</i>

59
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,966
Dad.

60
00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:54,990
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com

61
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:03,307
OLDER TED: <i>Now, Lily and her dad, Mickey,</i>
<i>had always had a tough relationship.</i>

62
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,379
<i>Mickey's dream was to invent</i>

63
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:08,717
<i>the next great American board game,</i>
<i>but his ideas were always a little off.</i>

64
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,023
- Daddy?
- Yeah?

65
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:14,686
- You missed my ballet recital.
- Yes, sweetie, but, look!

66
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,787
I just put the finishing touches
on my new, hit board game.

67
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,761
<i>Tijuana Slumlord.</i>

68
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,527
- Daddy?
- Uh-huh.

69
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,934
- You missed my gymnastics meet.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

70
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,132
But this is the one!

71
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:29,506
<i>Car Battery.</i>

72
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:31,339
"How Long Can You Hold On?"

73
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,810
(LAUGHING)

74
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:36,007
Ah, here, princess. Grab these.

75
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,483
- Daddy?
- Hmm?

76
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,852
- I had a nightmare.
- Oh, sweetie.

77
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,391
Here. Come play Daddy's new game.

78
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,724
<i>There's a Clown Demon</i>
<i>Under the Bed!</i>

79
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,228
(SCREAMING)

80
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,424
OLDER TED: <i>Her whole life,</i>
<i>Mickey disappointed Lily,</i>

81
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,796
<i>and she always put up with it,</i>

82
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:58,365
<i>until one day in 2006,</i>
<i>when Lily went to visit her grandparents.</i>

83
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:01,168
So, Rita, are you excited
about the big move to Florida?

84
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:05,610
Actually, dear, slight change of plans.
We're staying here for the time being.

85
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,614
We had a slight financial hiccup.

86
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:12,049
MICKEY: Ma!
The straw to my juice box broke!

87
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:14,310
(SCOFFS)

88
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:16,116
Ma, chop-chop!

89
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,625
Oh, hey, guys. What a pleasant surprise.

90
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,890
Dad, what happened to your apartment?

91
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,489
Oh, well, I had a little falling-out
with my roommate.

92
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,796
- What happened?
- Uh, he wanted me to pay rent.

93
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,268
(CLEARS THROAT) Got kind of ugly.

94
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:33,898
Dad! You should be paying rent,
not living in your parents' basement.

95
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,965
Hey, it's not my first choice.

96
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:39,239
Having the old farts right upstairs
is crimping my style a bit.

97
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,611
Clearly, they're not getting the whole
sock-on-the-doorknob thing.

98
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,081
Oh, they caught you with a girl?

99
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,047
In a way.

100
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:50,345
- MORRIS: Bye, sweetheart. I'm off to work.
- Work? You're retired.

101
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:54,359
Now that I have an extra mouth to feed,
I had to go back to the steel mill.

102
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,752
Rita? Where's my truss?

103
00:04:57,397 --> 00:05:00,161
So, not only did you stop them
from moving to Florida,

104
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,724
but now you forced Grandpa
to go back to work?

105
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:06,102
Just until I get Aldrin Games Unlimited
off the ground,

106
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,107
with my new sensation,

107
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,234
<i>Dog Fight Promoter.</i>

108
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:11,674
OLDER TED: <i>And then Lily gave her dad</i>

109
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,407
<i>a look that Marshall had only seen</i>
<i>a few times before,</i>

110
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:18,011
<i>a look we all prayed never</i>
<i>to be on the receiving end of.</i>

111
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,279
<i>Her you're-dead-to-me look.</i>

112
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,257
<i>Which brings us back</i>
<i>to Thanksgiving of 2009.</i>

113
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,854
Hey, princess. I brought <i>Diseases!</i>

114
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,228
(LAUGHS)

115
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,467
My God! What is my father doing here?

116
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,304
I don't know, but maybe
we should let him in and find out.

117
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,901
No, I don't want to see him! Get rid of him!

118
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:56,815
Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay?
We'll work this out.

119
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,291
Take your time, <i>amigo.</i>
I'm okay, as long as I have <i>"Diseases!"</i>

120
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,850
The fun's infectious.

121
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:02,917
(LAUGHS)

122
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:03,985
(LAUGHS POLITELY)

123
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,231
- God, I hope Lily's okay.
- Me, too.

124
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:15,772
She doesn't talk about it much, but this
thing with her dad causes her a lot of pain.

125
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:18,174
Just tell me which one of you is
gonna slap me!

126
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,145
- What?
- I'm dying over here!

127
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,444
Ted reaches for a chip, I flinch!
Robin fixes her hair, I flinch!

128
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:26,485
I'm doing so much flinching.
It's bad for my skin.

129
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,044
I'm getting crow's feet. Crow's feet!

130
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,818
Lily, come on. It's been three years, okay?
That's long enough.

131
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:37,261
Having him in my life causes me
nothing but stress.

132
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,890
It's just easier for him to be dead to me.

133
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,627
Okay, Lily, look.

134
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:45,228
I supported you when our neighbor,
Mr. Ossias, was dead to you.

135
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,599
Hey! That's our newspaper.

136
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,438
You'll get it back in 15 minutes.

137
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:54,272
Make it 20. I had a steak last night.

138
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,453
And I was fine when your bridesmaid,
Whitney, was dead to you.

139
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,961
Lily! You look so amazing!

140
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,519
That dress is gorgeous!

141
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,497
- Thanks, guys.
- WHITNEY: Hmm.

142
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,261
I... I'm just not a fan of strapless.

143
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:26,937
I even understood when Mr. Park from
the bodega downstairs was dead to you.

144
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:28,572
One coffee, please.

145
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,845
But only if you have decaf.
I don't want to be up all night.

146
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,146
$1.50.

147
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,953
- Coffee, regular.
- $1.50.

148
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:46,758
Excuse me. Are you sure mine was decaf?
You just used the same pot.

149
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,702
- I lie to him. Okay?
- Okay.

150
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,239
You son of a bitch.

151
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,671
That was not decaf!

152
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:14,820
I supported you with all of those
random people, but this is your father.

153
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:17,886
Okay, can't we at least just
give him some turkey?

154
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,625
- No.
- Come on, Lily.

155
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,860
Please, I can't ask the guy
to leave on Thanksgiving.

156
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,903
Oh, you don't have to ask.

157
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:26,666
Just tell him that it's really important
that he be here.

158
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:30,176
And before you know it, he'll be at
a board game convention in Toledo,

159
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:33,974
giving your braces money to some guy
claiming to be Milton Bradley.

160
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,049
He was just out
trying to provide for the family.

161
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:40,712
No. No, that's what my mom did
by working two jobs.

162
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:46,483
Marshall, that man broke my heart
every single day for 20 years.

163
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:51,357
Well, then we'll just give him
some dark meat.

164
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,999
No, seriously, Robin,
you should get the slap.

165
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,933
I mean, you're a great slapper.

166
00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,101
In fact, I want to study slapping
under your tutelage.

167
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,505
I want to be your slap-prentice.

168
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:06,469
Don't sell yourself short there, Teddy.
You're a slapping rock star.

169
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,741
Your name should be Eric Slap-ton.

170
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,749
Okay, okay, guys, this is torture.

171
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,409
- Just put me in the chair...
- Slapping throne.

172
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,180
...and get it over with!

173
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,552
- Okay, he's all yours.
- No, no, no, no. It's you, I insist.

174
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,022
- Okay, I'll do it.
- Great.

175
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,525
- Wait, what?
- I'm just saying, I'll slap him.

176
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:23,118
What, so that's just, like,
the end of the discussion?

177
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,125
Well, you said I could slap him.

178
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,624
Uh...

179
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,095
I was just being nice.

180
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,899
If anyone's gonna slap him,
it's gonna be me.

181
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:33,438
No, it's not.

182
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,972
This is interesting.

183
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,674
Lily, he's family, okay?

184
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,740
And I'm sorry,
but you just don't cut off family.

185
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,478
(SCOFFS) Well, that's easy for you to say

186
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:50,614
when you come from the most
ridiculously close family in the world.

187
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,180
We are not ridiculously close.

188
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,316
- Really?
- Yeah.

189
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,123
What about the Eriksen family dinner
every single Sunday?

190
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,824
Everything looks delicious, Mother Eriksen.

191
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,763
Thank you, Papa Bear.

192
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,068
Marshall, would you like to say grace?

193
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,971
<i>Well, I would be happy to, Mother.</i>

194
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,937
<i>Everyone, please join hands.</i>

195
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,240
<i>Dear Lord...</i>

196
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,246
I'm sorry, but that's weird.

197
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:20,516
A family should be that close.

198
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,555
And I want our future family
to be that close,

199
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,217
- and that includes your dad.
- I can't believe you're taking his side.

200
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,556
- Lily...
- Let me be clear on this.

201
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:33,327
That man will never cross the threshold
into this home, ever!

202
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,768
It's just gonna be, like, five more minutes.

203
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,269
Hopefully soon, <i>amigo.</i>

204
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,932
I'm fighting a losing battle
with hemorrhoids here.

205
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:42,974
That's one of the diseases?

206
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,134
No.

207
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,045
Ted, there is an hour before the sun sets,

208
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:53,244
at which point,
neither one of us gets to slap Barney.

209
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,547
So, just let me have it.

210
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,317
I'm the one who had the idea to call
the Port Authority Lost and Found.

211
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,880
That's a good point. Rebuttal?

212
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,892
I'm the one who slipped the guy a 20!

213
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,190
Philosophical conundrum.
Idea versus execution.

214
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,890
Please discuss at length.

215
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:07,464
I carried that huge turkey
all the way up here.

216
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,865
I paid for cab fare.

217
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:11,028
Well, you slept
with one of my best friends!

218
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:14,562
- What? You said you were okay with that.
- Well, I'm not!

219
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,438
Well, why didn't you say something
at the time?

220
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,033
Because I'm still in love with you!

221
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,946
Do you really want to slap Barney so bad

222
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,882
that you would lie
about being in love with me?

223
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,510
I really want to slap him, okay?

224
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:33,050
Yes, your dad has made some mistakes in
the past, but he's a different person now.

225
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,991
He's moved out
of your grandparents' house.

226
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,427
He's got a job.
He's paying off his IRS debts.

227
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,964
Wait, how do you know all that?

228
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,526
Like, body language.

229
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:46,536
Okay, well, yeah,
we met for a drink last week.

230
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:51,137
I miss her a ton. Little princess.

231
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:57,549
- She ever talk about me?
- Yeah. Yeah, like, all the time. Um...

232
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,051
She tells this one
really sweet story about...

233
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,019
- So never, huh?
- No, not a word.

234
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:07,286
But it doesn't have to be that way.
We can fix this, right?

235
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:08,790
(SCOFFS)

236
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:12,524
You know, I always thought
it'd get fixed at the wedding.

237
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,396
I even wrote a toast.

238
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,535
But then, no invite.

239
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,505
Hell, I haven't even seen a wedding photo.

240
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:26,875
MARSHALL: <i>And then, right before</i>
<i>my eyes, your father broke down crying.</i>

241
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,544
(CRYING)

242
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:32,884
That's it! You're coming to Thanksgiving!

243
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,786
You invited him?

244
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:39,086
The guy was, like, blubbering.
What was I going to do?

245
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:41,422
And then, some jerk at the next table
called him a sissy,

246
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,155
which I thought was totally uncalled for.

247
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,355
I can't believe you.

248
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,728
Marshall, what gives you the right
to do that?

249
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:49,996
You and I are married.
And that means he's my family, too.

250
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,677
Mickey, come on in.

251
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:16,991
Ted, you better roll quickly.
Your gallbladder's about to burst.

252
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:18,655
You know, Mickey,
it's been, like, half an hour.

253
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,289
- I think we should go look for Lily.
- Nah.

254
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,664
She just needs some time to cool down.
Let's finish the game.

255
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,965
BARNEY: Yeah, play another round.
Best of seven!

256
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:28,974
Damn it, Robin! I've known Barney
the longest. I get to slap him.

257
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:33,103
That slap is mine, Mosby.
I've never slapped Barney

258
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,612
above the waist.

259
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,047
Look, I've wanted to slap Barney
since the moment I met him!

260
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:38,447
ROBIN: You don't think
that I want to slap Barney?

261
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,679
- I've waited so...
- Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute!

262
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:44,382
This slap was supposed to be
a wonderful thing, a gift,

263
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,516
and look, it's turned us against each other.

264
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,357
My God, you're right.

265
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,365
This once pure fruit
has turned into a poisoned slap-ple.

266
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,731
You know what? Seriously, you take it.

267
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:59,169
- Are you sure?
- Slap-solutely.

268
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,732
I really think
that we should go look for Lily.

269
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:06,210
Ted? Gallbladder about to pop.

270
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:10,215
Okay, it's decided. Barney, come on.
Get in the throne.

271
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,773
- Are you...
- Yep. Come on.

272
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:16,379
(STUTTERING) Well, you... Well, I guess
that is the best decision, Robin.

273
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,584
I mean, men are stronger than women.

274
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,126
Don't listen to him.

275
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,923
- Okay? It's been decided.
- Okay.

276
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,691
I mean, that's what you've always wanted,
isn't it, Robin?

277
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:28,233
A strong man to take care of you?

278
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:31,295
I mean, sure, growing up,
you were a scrapper,

279
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:35,467
playing hockey with the boys,
skinning your knees on the ice.

280
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,532
But what you couldn't
tell your teammates,

281
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,272
what you couldn't even tell yourself,

282
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:45,016
was that all you really wanted
was that pretty, white dress

283
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,979
in that pretty, white chapel.

284
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:53,323
And at the end of that center aisle,
strewn with pretty, white flowers,

285
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:58,194
a man, to do all of your slapping for you.

286
00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:59,822
- Let me at him!
- Robin! Come on!

287
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,161
Hold on!

288
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,360
Whoa!

289
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,369
- Oh, my God.
- What just happened?

290
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:09,875
Sorry, Ted. Gallbladder burst.
You move back three spaces.

291
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:14,746
You come in here, and you watch your
daughter leave and you don't even care.

292
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,442
And now you've destroyed
Thanksgiving dinner!

293
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:21,317
- Lily worked all day on this!
- Relax. It's not real bile.

294
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:25,448
It's just lead-based paint from China.
And horse bile.

295
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,792
OLDER TED: <i>And at that moment,</i>
<i>Marshall gave Mickey a look</i>

296
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,728
<i>none of us had ever seen him give anyone.</i>

297
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,567
- What's this? What's he doing?
- Did you swallow some of that paint?

298
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,899
This is my you're-dead-to-me look.

299
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,767
- Oh.
- Okay.

300
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:43,366
- Yeah, you know, Lily's is so much better...
- Get out of my house!

301
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:47,971
Hey.

302
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,851
Mr. Park's, huh? This is the last place
I expected to find you.

303
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:56,116
- Marshall...
- Lily, I'm sorry. But just hear me out.

304
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:59,787
I used to think that family was a right.

305
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,987
But it's not.
It's a privilege, and it has to be earned.

306
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,458
I kicked your dad out.

307
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:09,297
And I promise, baby,
I will never make you see him again.

308
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,896
Now what?
Baby, what, what, what happened?

309
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,668
Marshall, I came in here
because it was cold

310
00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:17,800
and this was the only place that was open.

311
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:20,812
I wasn't even gonna
look Mr. Park in the eye.

312
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,347
And then I found out

313
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,147
Mr. Park died.

314
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,948
Oh, my God.

315
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,988
He really is dead to me.

316
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,717
And if I feel this bad
about never making up with Mr. Park,

317
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:38,128
a guy who meant literally nothing to me,

318
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,795
(CRYING)

319
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,730
we gotta go get my dad.

320
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,133
Okay. Here.

321
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:51,303
OLDER TED: <i>So that's how on Thanksgiving,</i>
<i>2009, your Aunt Lily performed a miracle.</i>

322
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:54,705
<i>She brought a man back from the dead.</i>

323
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,379
Everyone. Before we get started,

324
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,978
Barney, we're going to need you
on the slapping throne.

325
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,948
Slap Bet Commissioner,
surely tying me to a chair is a breach...

326
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,153
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Less yapping, more slapping.

327
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,626
Ted, Robin.
It's two minutes until sundown.

328
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,393
Have you guys decided which one of you

329
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,197
is going to get to slap Barney
right in his face?

330
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:22,004
- It's gonna be Ted.
- What? Why me?

331
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:26,467
Last year, you got left at the altar.
You lost your job.

332
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,476
(SIGHS) But you've come
such a long way since then.

333
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,674
I'm so proud of you, Ted.

334
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:36,955
You deserve to slap someone
in his face as hard as you can.

335
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,320
- Thanks.
- Oh, this is the worst.

336
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:48,725
Mama!

337
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:53,432
No, Robin. Look.
You just went through your own breakup,

338
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,531
and while I know you and Barney
left it on good terms,

339
00:17:55,608 --> 00:18:00,409
isn't there some part of you, deep down,
that wants to slap him

340
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:01,605
right in his face?

341
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,506
- There is.
- I know there is.

342
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,211
This is basically hell on Earth.

343
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,355
All right.

344
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,352
Don't.

345
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,357
TED: You got this.

346
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,861
It hurts!

347
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,954
No. I can't do it.

348
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:22,228
- I can't take this from you, Ted.
- Nor I, you.

349
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,700
Thank God.

350
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:27,064
So, I'd like to make a gesture. Mickey?

351
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,333
Oh, no way!

352
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:31,901
I'm glad you and Lily
are trying to work things out.

353
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:34,811
So, to welcome you to our little family,

354
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:39,045
- I'd like to offer you this slap.
- Really?

355
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:46,324
Well, I feel a little weird. I just met Barney
and I don't have anything against the guy.

356
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:50,886
But how often do you get a chance
to slap someone right in his face?

357
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,328
(CHUCKLES)

358
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,062
(GRUNTS)

359
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,328
Soft!

360
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,899
- I'm sorry. I can't do it.
- (SIGHING) Thank God.

361
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,067
Lily,

362
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:06,605
I know I haven't been
much of a father to you.

363
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,544
You are kidding me.

364
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:12,380
So, for all the ballet recitals that I missed,

365
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:15,614
for all the art shows
that I should've been at,

366
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:19,855
for the wedding gift
that I never got a chance to give to you,

367
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:24,658
princess, I give this slap to you.

368
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:25,992
Oh, Daddy!

369
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:29,132
No. No, no, no, no.

370
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:32,295
She is the Slap Bet Commissioner.
She's supposed to remain impartial!

371
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:34,464
Slap Bet Commissioner says it's okay.

372
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:39,235
- This is not good.
- Okay.

373
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:41,370
- Please, please, please. Let me, let me, let...
- Shh.

374
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:44,348
Just close your eyes. It'll be over soon.

375
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,781
Running through a meadow.

376
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,788
I can't do it. Why can't I do it?

377
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:56,425
Because this slap has done
exactly what I hoped.

378
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,523
It's brought us all closer together.

379
00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:02,431
And it's caused us to recognize
both the frailty

380
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:06,835
and the greatness in ourselves
and each other.

381
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,669
Oh, give me a break.

382
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,203
And that is why

383
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:16,480
there will be no slap today.

384
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,641
(EX CLAIMS)

385
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,715
(CHUCKLING) Oh, my God!

386
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,081
This is the best Thanksgiving...

387
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,422
That's four!

388
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,290
So, turkey?

389
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,790
ANNOUNCER: <i>New from</i>
<i>Aldrin Games Unlimited, it's</i> Slap Bet,

390
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,766
<i>the slap-happy game that's a real hit.</i>

391
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:43,642
CHORUS: (SINGING) <i>You just got slapped</i>

392
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,445
<i>across the face, my friend</i>

393
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:47,536
ANNOUNCER: <i>For kids of all ages.</i>

394
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:49,103
CHORUS: (SINGING) <i>You just got slapped</i>

395
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:52,207
<i>Oh, that really just happened</i>

396
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,178
<i>Oh, everybody saw it, ha!</i>

397
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:58,089
<i>Everybody laughed and clapped</i>

398
00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,215
<i>'Cause it was awesome</i>

399
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:00,315
I win!

400
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:02,223
<i>The way that you just got slapped</i>

401
00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:06,060
ANNOUNCER: <i>Slap yourself silly with</i> Slap
Bet, <i>the happy hitting game from Aldrin.</i>

402
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:32,446
ENGLISH - US - SDH