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Kids, back in 2009,
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your Aunt Robin was the host
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of a morning show
for local New York cable.
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And it was on early.
How early?
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Mike? wakey, wakey.
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But then, everything changed.
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Hey.
Hey.
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See my show?
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Oh, I meant
to watch it.
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I just got so busy
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with the whole
"being sound asleep" thing.
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It took all night,
eight hours down the drain.
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Oh, it's fine.
But get this:
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After the broadcast...
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Hi. Are you Robin?
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Yeah.
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I'm Don, your new co-host.
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Don was Don Frank,
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seasoned veteran of no fewer
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than 39 local
morning news teams
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from all over the country.
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The guy was an industry legend.
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Oh.
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Wow! You are
so going to hit that.
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No, I just think we're going
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to be great together
on the air.
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And on the sofa and on the bed
and on the coffee table.
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All right,
all right.
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I'm gonna go up on the
roof and stand there
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by myself for five minutes.
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Have fun.
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And that's exactly
what she did.
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She just stood there.
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All right, kids,
I'm gonna level with you.
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That's not what she did.
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Here's what she did.
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All right,
all right.
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I'm going to go
have a cigarette.
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BOTH:
What?!
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NARRATOR: I promised her
I'd never tell you this,
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but once upon a time,
your Aunt Robin
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did enjoy
the occasional cigarette,
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and occasionally
that occasional cigarette...
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was more than just occasional.
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I just left something
like this in my apartment.
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Robin, come on,
take it to the roof.
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We said no smoking
in the apartment
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after you torched
the throw rug doing push-ups.
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All right, all right, all right.
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Geez.
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Yeah, Robin,
I mean, God,
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not only is that a
filthy habit, but also,
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can I bum one?
Sure.
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What?!
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"How I Met Your Mother"
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- Sync By YesCool -
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Kids, your Uncle Marshall
definitely doesn't want you
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to know this,
but he also smoked off and on.
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It all started when he was 13,
on a camping trip in Minnesota.
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Come on, Marshall,
let's celebrate.
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It's summer vacation.
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Okay, but just one.
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This is my first
and last cigarette ever.
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And that was the first of many,
many "last cigarettes ever."
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That's it.
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I am done, I am out.
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Last...
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Cigarette...
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...ev-arrh!
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So, by that point,
I'd heard it all before.
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Last cigarette ever.
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What are you doing? You
haven't smoked in six months.
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Is this about the McRib?
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It's gone, dude, let it go.
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I'm worried
about work, okay?
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They just hired a new head
of the legal department,
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and he's going
to be letting people go.
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So that's
why you're worried?
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The new head of the legal
department is Arthur Hobbes.
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As in "Artillery Arthur"?
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As in your former boss?
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Arthur Hobbes was
the meanest boss
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Marshall or anyone else
had ever had.
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The last time Marshall worked
for him, it ended like this.
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I quit!
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Yikes.
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So does he hold it
against you?
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Worse.
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I'm sorry,
who are you?
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I'm, I'm Marshall Eriksen.
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Hmm.
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Um, we had a fairly intense
screaming match.
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No.
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Wherein I suggested
that you take your head
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and store it within yourself
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in a fashion that,
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while, while space-saving,
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might limit its exposure
to, to sunshine.
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Well, that describes
95% of my employees
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and everyone in my family...
except for my dog.
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:
He's such a good boy.
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Well... I'll see you
later, uh...
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Randall Wilkerson.
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Marshall Eriksen.
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Gary Dinkersfield, right.
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Great, he doesn't remember you.
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Not great.
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Arthur Hobbes hating Marshall--
that's no big deal.
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He hates everyone.
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It's the people he doesn't know
that he cuts loose.
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He just fired
What's-His-Face.
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He fired What's-
His-Face, Ted,
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and What's-His-Face
was invaluable.
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Look, I can understand
you getting upset,
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but it's not worth
killing yourself over.
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Yeah, wait till you get
laid off, then kill yourself.
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Like What's-His-Face.
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Although I guess now
it's more like Where's-His-Face.
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Look, it was just
two cigarettes.
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Okay, I can handle two.
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As long as I don't have three
within 24 hours,
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then I'm not going
to get hooked again.
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What's Lily going
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to say when she finds out
you smoked?
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Lily's not going to find out.
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I have a system.
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Ah, yes, Marshall's system.
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
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Hey, Lil.
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You smoked.
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Damn it!
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NARRATOR: The next morning,
your Aunt Robin was thrilled
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to be finally going on the air
with a real pro.
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In three, two, one...
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Hi, I'm Robin
Scherbatsky.
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And I... am Don Frank.
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Two teens were arrested
late last night
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for stealing
a police cart.
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00:05:03,421 --> 00:05:05,454
No, I'm sorry, not a
police cart, a police car.
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Oh.
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Aw, screw it.
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Brain fart.
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Don't you hate those?
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00:05:11,253 --> 00:05:12,420
Oh, look at that,
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the teleprompter's
still running.
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00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:17,619
Something about a woman
giving birth on an uptown bus.
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00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:19,552
Well, no point
in jumping in halfway.
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00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:22,718
I'll just wait
till it's done.
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Uh... and she cut the cord
with a Metropass.
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We'll be right back.
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And we're clear.
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What the hell was that?
Don, you said "brain fart."
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00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:33,651
Look, Robin, you seem
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00:05:33,651 --> 00:05:36,483
like a nice kid, but this is
my 39th local news show, okay?
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And in that time,
I've learned three things:
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00:05:38,216 --> 00:05:40,650
avoid the all-you-can-eat
sushi buffet in Bismarck,
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do not go to the bathroom
with your lapel mic still on,
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and three, at this hour,
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00:05:44,915 --> 00:05:46,682
your entire
viewing audience is
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00:05:46,682 --> 00:05:49,682
one half-drunk slob sitting
in his underwear, so...
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MIKE:
Back in five, four...
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Well, let's do a great show
for that half-drunk slob.
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00:05:55,214 --> 00:05:57,847
Well, that half-drunk slob
appreciates it.
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The next day, Marshall found
himself craving a cigarette.
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It was driving him crazy, so he
decided to get some fresh air.
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Oh, no.
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You're not up here to jump,
are you?
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No, no, no, no.
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I fired a lot of people today.
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I don't need another jumper
in my file.
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Oh, uh, cigarette?
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No, no, thank you.
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That's too bad.
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You know what I miss, Jeffrey?
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00:06:25,243 --> 00:06:27,809
Getting to know
somebody over a smoke.
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People are
so interchangeable now,
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but you share a butt with
somebody, you got a real bond.
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You know what?
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00:06:37,675 --> 00:06:38,875
I will, I will take one.
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Okay.
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Thank you.
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00:06:41,041 --> 00:06:42,874
I'm Marshall, by the way,
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it's Marshall,
Marshall Eriksen.
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Yeah. Tell me something
Marshall Eriksen.
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How would you
like to see
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00:06:49,406 --> 00:06:52,773
a picture of the cutest dog
in the world?
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00:06:59,208 --> 00:07:01,524
Hey.
- You smoked.
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00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:05,873
Yes, I smoked,
and it was my third of the day.
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You know what
that means?
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I'm a smoker now.
It's all over.
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00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:11,006
I even bought a pack
on the way home and a lighter
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00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:13,039
and a Vikings lamp, which has
nothing to do with anything,
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00:07:13,039 --> 00:07:14,772
but I saw it in the window
and I liked it.
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Damn it, Marshall.
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00:07:16,072 --> 00:07:19,038
We already have four
Viking lamps and smoking kills.
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It was a way to bond
with my boss, okay?
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00:07:22,105 --> 00:07:24,037
You should have seen me
up there.
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That is a cute dog.
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Yeah.
Are those your kids?
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Yeah, yeah, whatever.
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00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:30,738
Hey, oh, look what I got
at the mall.
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00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,203
Aw.
There he is.
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00:07:35,203 --> 00:07:36,769
There he is.
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00:07:36,769 --> 00:07:38,235
Go ahead, you can pet him now.
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00:07:38,235 --> 00:07:39,202
No.
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00:07:39,202 --> 00:07:41,502
Yeah, yeah,
come on, he likes it.
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00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,302
Scratch him under the chin.
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00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,834
I don't care
what your reasons are.
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00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:50,834
You know how I feel
about smoking.
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00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,833
Now, give me
the cigarettes.
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00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:58,300
And the lighter.
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00:08:08,431 --> 00:08:10,931
Ah, that's the stuff.
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00:08:10,931 --> 00:08:12,331
What?! What?!
Oh, yeah,
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00:08:12,331 --> 00:08:13,964
add your Aunt Lily to the list.
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00:08:13,964 --> 00:08:16,030
Whenever Uncle Marshall fell
off the wagon,
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00:08:16,030 --> 00:08:19,063
your Aunt Lily got dragged
right down with him.
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00:08:19,063 --> 00:08:21,030
What you doing?
218
00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:22,663
If you must know,
I am reaching out
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00:08:22,663 --> 00:08:25,630
to City Hall to try to get
the mayor on our show.
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00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:26,895
Oh, my goodness, you are
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00:08:26,895 --> 00:08:28,563
adorable,
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00:08:28,563 --> 00:08:30,662
but the mayor's not coming
on a show nobody watches.
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00:08:30,662 --> 00:08:33,562
My colonoscopy had
more viewers than this show.
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00:08:33,562 --> 00:08:35,793
At least that had
some twists and turns.
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00:08:35,793 --> 00:08:37,194
You know, I don't,
I don't know
226
00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:38,461
why you're acting
like this.
227
00:08:38,461 --> 00:08:40,060
Maybe you're just bitter
because you never had
228
00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:41,261
a shot at a network job,
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00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:43,727
but I think I still do,
so I really need to focus.
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00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:44,993
I've been
on a network.
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00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,727
You were on a network?
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00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:52,492
It was the best Labor Day
weekend of my life.
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00:08:52,492 --> 00:08:54,992
When you do the news, you're
in these ergonomic chairs.
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00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:56,891
It feels like you're sitting
on a cloud.
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00:08:56,891 --> 00:08:59,957
Which was nice 'cause it was
right after my colonoscopy.
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00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:02,524
And the dressing rooms?
Oh.
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00:09:02,524 --> 00:09:03,757
There's dressing rooms?
Oh, you bet
238
00:09:03,757 --> 00:09:06,023
your sweet headset
there's dressing rooms, Mike.
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00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,889
No changing in the KFC
bathroom across the street.
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00:09:08,889 --> 00:09:10,357
No, sir.
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00:09:11,023 --> 00:09:12,922
It was heaven.
242
00:09:12,922 --> 00:09:15,556
But the second you get used
to it, they go find someone
243
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,723
who isn't "going through
a bitter divorce"
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00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,121
and doesn't "reek of gin,"
245
00:09:20,121 --> 00:09:21,221
and before you know it,
you're stuck
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00:09:21,221 --> 00:09:22,887
in a dead-end gig,
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00:09:22,887 --> 00:09:24,588
surrounded by people
going nowhere,
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00:09:24,588 --> 00:09:27,454
doing the news
in your tighty whities.
249
00:09:27,454 --> 00:09:31,087
Okay, the underwear thing
was your choice,
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00:09:31,087 --> 00:09:32,153
and I don't like
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00:09:32,153 --> 00:09:33,153
that it's catching on.
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00:09:33,153 --> 00:09:35,885
Ah, looking good,
fellas.
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00:09:35,885 --> 00:09:37,052
Feels good, right?
254
00:09:37,052 --> 00:09:38,486
God, I want
to kill him.
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00:09:38,486 --> 00:09:39,852
Of course people
watch the show.
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00:09:39,852 --> 00:09:42,118
You guys watch the show,
that's, like, two right there.
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00:09:44,552 --> 00:09:45,719
Oh, my God.
258
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,850
You guys still
haven't seen my show.
259
00:09:47,850 --> 00:09:50,718
What? We never miss it.
We've seen it!
260
00:09:50,718 --> 00:09:52,817
Really? What color is the set?
261
00:09:52,817 --> 00:09:54,067
Uh...
262
00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:57,049
Yeah, uh...
It's black.
263
00:09:57,049 --> 00:09:58,882
Right. Yeah.
With, like, silver
264
00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:00,250
Uh-huh. Yeah.
around the edges.
265
00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:02,215
Not your TV set, my show set.
266
00:10:02,215 --> 00:10:03,748
Ah...
Oh...
267
00:10:03,748 --> 00:10:05,748
God, if I can't even get
my best friends to watch,
268
00:10:05,748 --> 00:10:07,082
who's going to watch?
269
00:10:07,082 --> 00:10:08,182
Lots of people.
270
00:10:08,182 --> 00:10:10,880
Uh, you got bedridden
insomniacs. Hmm.
271
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,947
Bums camping outside
a department store.
272
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,114
People waiting
273
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:18,046
in the ER, where
the TV is in a cage,
274
00:10:18,046 --> 00:10:20,113
so you can't change
the channel.
275
00:10:20,879 --> 00:10:22,513
Ooh, do you have any stalkers?
276
00:10:22,513 --> 00:10:25,613
Yeah, but even Leonard
won't watch my show.
277
00:10:26,778 --> 00:10:28,713
I can't believe those guys
are smoking out there.
278
00:10:28,713 --> 00:10:29,945
It's freezing out.
279
00:10:29,945 --> 00:10:32,545
Remember when you used to be
able to smoke in bars?
280
00:10:32,545 --> 00:10:34,378
Oh, hey, dude.
I think that
281
00:10:34,378 --> 00:10:36,211
hot girl over there's
smiling at me.
282
00:10:36,211 --> 00:10:38,277
Uh, that's a chair.
283
00:10:38,277 --> 00:10:40,043
But yeah, dude, hit that.
284
00:10:40,810 --> 00:10:42,377
MARSHALL:
Guys?
285
00:10:42,377 --> 00:10:43,743
Marco!
286
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,909
Polo!
Polo!
287
00:10:45,909 --> 00:10:49,343
Well, it's dividing our group
into smokers and non-smokers.
288
00:10:49,343 --> 00:10:50,643
And that's not healthy.
289
00:10:50,643 --> 00:10:52,442
You're right.
290
00:10:53,342 --> 00:10:54,941
Let's go have a smoke.
291
00:10:54,941 --> 00:10:56,008
What?!
What?!
292
00:10:56,008 --> 00:10:57,675
Yeah, I'm not proud of it.
293
00:10:57,675 --> 00:10:59,141
ROBIN:
Look at you two.
294
00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:00,474
Smokers.
295
00:11:00,474 --> 00:11:02,074
Just like the rest of us.
296
00:11:02,074 --> 00:11:05,708
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
297
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,839
I am not a smoker.
298
00:11:07,839 --> 00:11:08,806
I only smoke
299
00:11:08,806 --> 00:11:10,573
in certain situations.
300
00:11:10,573 --> 00:11:13,640
Postcoital,
when I'm with Germans--
301
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,871
sometimes those two overlap--
302
00:11:15,871 --> 00:11:18,272
coital, birthdays,
303
00:11:18,272 --> 00:11:19,905
to annoy my mom,
304
00:11:19,905 --> 00:11:21,204
precoital,
305
00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:23,770
on a sailboat, the day the Mets
306
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,671
are mathematically eliminated
every year,
307
00:11:25,671 --> 00:11:26,737
and, of course--
308
00:11:26,737 --> 00:11:29,036
wait for it,
'cause Lord knows I have--
309
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:31,370
pregnancy scares.
310
00:11:31,370 --> 00:11:32,637
Why are you smoking
right now?
311
00:11:32,637 --> 00:11:35,669
I'm always precoital, Ted.
312
00:11:35,669 --> 00:11:37,469
You know, maybe
smoking's not so bad.
313
00:11:37,469 --> 00:11:40,669
I mean, at least it gets us
out in the fresh air.
314
00:11:40,669 --> 00:11:43,001
Yeah, and all the coughing
really works my abs.
315
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:46,834
:
I... am... ripped!
316
00:11:46,834 --> 00:11:48,635
NARRATOR:
But, as glamorous as it was,
317
00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:51,000
within a week,
we all hit our breaking point.
318
00:11:53,634 --> 00:11:55,133
You okay, sweetie?
319
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:58,566
: Actually, baby, my
throat's a bit sore.
320
00:12:17,064 --> 00:12:18,729
So, I'm whapping
him across the nose
321
00:12:18,729 --> 00:12:19,996
with the newspaper,
right? Yeah.
322
00:12:19,996 --> 00:12:21,230
And my wife says,
323
00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,563
"Come on, you can't
treat your son like that."
324
00:12:23,563 --> 00:12:25,263
I don't know.
325
00:12:27,795 --> 00:12:29,696
Michael, call 911.
326
00:12:30,529 --> 00:12:31,662
Oh... oh, my God.
327
00:12:31,662 --> 00:12:33,261
Okay, yes, yeah, right away.
328
00:12:33,261 --> 00:12:35,364
It's Marshall, by the way.
329
00:12:41,787 --> 00:12:42,854
Oh, my God.
330
00:12:42,854 --> 00:12:44,453
I hope Arthur's okay.
331
00:12:44,453 --> 00:12:46,087
Dibs on his office if he's not.
332
00:12:46,087 --> 00:12:47,820
We have to quit smoking.
333
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:50,220
:
Honey, you said a mouthful.
334
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,619
I wish I had never started.
335
00:12:51,619 --> 00:12:54,419
I mean, I think back
to myself at 13 years old.
336
00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:57,752
If I could only go back
to that moment...
337
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,417
I hate that little bastard.
338
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:08,285
:
Me, too.
339
00:13:08,285 --> 00:13:09,483
Okay, that's it.
340
00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:11,349
Let's quit.
341
00:13:11,349 --> 00:13:13,250
Let's... Let's do it.
342
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,083
Well, I am proud of you guys.
343
00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:18,216
I have heard how difficult it is
for smokers
344
00:13:18,216 --> 00:13:19,448
like yourself
to quit,
345
00:13:19,448 --> 00:13:20,849
so, on behalf of nonsmokers,
346
00:13:20,849 --> 00:13:23,514
I salute you,
and I am here to help.
347
00:13:23,514 --> 00:13:24,748
So, hand in your cigarettes,
348
00:13:24,748 --> 00:13:27,148
and I will get rid of them
one at a time.
349
00:13:27,148 --> 00:13:28,881
You're quitting, dollface.
350
00:13:28,881 --> 00:13:31,380
I know I don't normally
call you dollface,
351
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:33,413
but it kind of works
in this voice.
352
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,947
Dollface.
353
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,080
Hey, guys.
Hey.
354
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,246
Uh, I was just wondering, um,
355
00:13:38,246 --> 00:13:40,612
is anyone else
interviewing the mayor
356
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,345
tomorrow on TV,
or is it just me?
357
00:13:43,345 --> 00:13:44,546
Hey, that's great.
Whoa!
358
00:13:44,546 --> 00:13:45,678
Hey!
359
00:13:45,678 --> 00:13:47,812
Yeah, Don can suck it
while I suck this.
360
00:13:47,812 --> 00:13:49,045
Light me, Marshall.
361
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,645
Actually, um, we've decided
362
00:13:50,645 --> 00:13:52,844
that we're all
quitting smoking.
363
00:13:52,844 --> 00:13:54,144
That's fantastic.
364
00:13:54,144 --> 00:13:56,544
I'm sick of you guys
bumming my cigarettes.
365
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,178
No, come on, Robin.
We-we can't do it
366
00:13:58,178 --> 00:13:59,377
unless we all do it together.
367
00:13:59,377 --> 00:14:00,709
No.
368
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,309
You can sleep with Marshall.
369
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,743
Oh, God, Lily, no.
370
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,110
Sorry, baby, you got to take one
for the team.
371
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:08,408
I-I don't want
to sleep with Marshall.
372
00:14:08,408 --> 00:14:10,742
I've seen the looks.
Right.
373
00:14:10,742 --> 00:14:11,975
I can't quit right now.
374
00:14:11,975 --> 00:14:14,074
Not before the biggest interview
of my life.
375
00:14:14,074 --> 00:14:15,307
It's-it's too stressful.
376
00:14:15,307 --> 00:14:16,607
It's too stressful!
377
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:17,774
Let's just have one more.
Give me a cigarette!!
378
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,641
No, wait! Robin, Robin,
think about this
379
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:20,641
for a second.
380
00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:22,274
Bloomberg
is the antismoking mayor.
381
00:14:22,274 --> 00:14:23,840
Do you really want to show up
382
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,339
to that interview
smelling like smoke?
383
00:14:25,339 --> 00:14:27,306
It'd be like interviewing
a vegetarian
384
00:14:27,306 --> 00:14:28,806
smelling like a McRib.
385
00:14:28,806 --> 00:14:31,106
Really? Like I'm not going
through enough right now?
386
00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:32,372
TED:
Look,
387
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,372
you're quitting.
388
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,805
We're all quitting.
389
00:14:36,938 --> 00:14:38,571
Fine. I'll quit.
390
00:14:38,571 --> 00:14:39,771
Great. Great.
391
00:14:39,771 --> 00:14:41,905
We just have to get
through the first 24 hours.
392
00:14:41,905 --> 00:14:43,503
After that, it's a cakewalk.
393
00:14:44,570 --> 00:14:47,370
Barney, do you have
to bite your nails so loud?
394
00:14:47,370 --> 00:14:48,603
I'm not biting
my nails.
395
00:14:48,603 --> 00:14:50,369
I'm trying to suck
the leftover nicotine
396
00:14:50,369 --> 00:14:51,769
out of my fingertips.
397
00:14:51,769 --> 00:14:53,536
Marshall, can you
pass the onion rings?
398
00:14:53,536 --> 00:14:55,170
What, you got dinosaur arms?
They're right there.
399
00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:57,768
What do you think cigarettes
are doing right now?
400
00:14:57,768 --> 00:15:00,102
You think they're
thinking about us?
401
00:15:00,102 --> 00:15:02,301
Dude, if you don't stop
tapping your foot,
402
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:03,568
it's coming off.
403
00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:05,168
Oh, my God, Ted,
I'm so sorry.
404
00:15:05,168 --> 00:15:07,867
Maybe I should move it a
little bit closer to your ass!
405
00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:09,101
TED:
All right.
406
00:15:09,101 --> 00:15:11,168
I am ready to do this right now!
407
00:15:12,566 --> 00:15:14,533
NARRATOR: None of us knew
what we were fighting about.
408
00:15:14,533 --> 00:15:16,100
We just knew
we wanted to smoke.
409
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:19,232
More than anything
in the world.
410
00:15:23,999 --> 00:15:26,531
It wasn't going very well
for Robin, either.
411
00:15:26,531 --> 00:15:27,964
Sorry I'm late.
412
00:15:27,964 --> 00:15:30,864
Someone used the microwave,
and the elevator stopped.
413
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:32,231
What are you doing?
414
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:34,863
Okay, Don, Don,
seriously, not tonight.
415
00:15:34,863 --> 00:15:37,396
Okay, I'm a little bit on edge
because I quit smoking
416
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:39,097
for my interview with
the mayor, so just...
417
00:15:40,229 --> 00:15:44,096
Oh, you precious little
porcelain unicorn, you.
418
00:15:44,096 --> 00:15:45,662
Why would you do that?
419
00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:47,361
Why?!
420
00:15:47,361 --> 00:15:50,028
Because I care, Don.
421
00:15:50,028 --> 00:15:53,228
I-I care about the show,
I-I care about my career.
422
00:15:53,228 --> 00:15:55,527
Unlike you,
you unprofessional jerk!
423
00:15:55,527 --> 00:15:57,794
You're-You're
sloppy, you're rude,
424
00:15:57,794 --> 00:16:00,194
and I wish you
worked half as hard
425
00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:02,692
as the elastic on those
stretched-out underpants.
426
00:16:03,893 --> 00:16:05,893
I'm starting to feel like this
is getting a little personal.
427
00:16:05,893 --> 00:16:07,726
No, Don, it would be
getting personal
428
00:16:07,726 --> 00:16:09,591
if I would say
that the reason you bounce
429
00:16:09,591 --> 00:16:12,291
from market to market
is because you're a loser--
430
00:16:12,291 --> 00:16:13,458
a lazy,
431
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,725
obnoxious, loser.
432
00:16:18,824 --> 00:16:20,290
The mayor canceled.
433
00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:22,791
In five, four,
434
00:16:22,791 --> 00:16:25,090
three, two...
435
00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:30,190
Hi, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.
436
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,555
You think I'm a loser?
437
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:33,288
You're' right. I'm a loser.
438
00:16:33,288 --> 00:16:34,989
But at least
I've accepted it.
439
00:16:34,989 --> 00:16:37,355
A plucky raccoon has been
cheering up patients
440
00:16:37,355 --> 00:16:39,188
at a local senior center.
441
00:16:39,188 --> 00:16:40,687
I used to be just like that.
442
00:16:40,687 --> 00:16:42,954
Always wanting more
and never getting it.
443
00:16:42,954 --> 00:16:45,087
It's a dead end, Robin.
444
00:16:46,254 --> 00:16:47,787
You're never going to be
a network anchor.
445
00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:50,686
Just like you're never
going to quit smoking.
446
00:16:50,686 --> 00:16:52,886
What are you doing?
447
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,253
I'm enjoying a cigarette.
448
00:16:55,253 --> 00:16:57,119
Oh, that'll get you there.
449
00:16:58,086 --> 00:16:59,584
Oh, that's good.
450
00:16:59,584 --> 00:17:00,918
You want a drag?
451
00:17:00,918 --> 00:17:02,384
Can we be professionals?
452
00:17:02,384 --> 00:17:04,751
Please?
Yeah. Yeah, professionals?
453
00:17:04,751 --> 00:17:06,550
You know who's working
the camera right now?
454
00:17:06,550 --> 00:17:07,717
A chair.
455
00:17:07,717 --> 00:17:09,084
We're on a show
456
00:17:09,084 --> 00:17:11,151
where we can't even get
the cameraman to watch.
457
00:17:11,151 --> 00:17:12,683
That's why the mayor
canceled, Robin.
458
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,816
And that's why Mike
is on a fried chicken run.
459
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,916
And that's why you
and I can enjoy a cigarette
460
00:17:16,916 --> 00:17:18,449
right here on the air.
461
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:21,348
No, thank you.
462
00:17:21,348 --> 00:17:23,115
Why?
463
00:17:23,115 --> 00:17:25,782
Because of our millions and
millions of impressionable viewers?
464
00:17:25,782 --> 00:17:28,847
Okay... If any
impressionable viewers
465
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:30,814
have a problem with this,
please give us a call.
466
00:17:30,814 --> 00:17:32,647
The number's on the screen.
467
00:17:34,914 --> 00:17:37,180
Chirp, chirp?
Chirp, chirp?
468
00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:39,312
Come on, Robin...
469
00:17:39,312 --> 00:17:40,846
live a little.
470
00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:53,878
Oh, that must be Mike.
471
00:17:53,878 --> 00:17:55,344
He always forgets--
extra crispy.
472
00:17:55,344 --> 00:17:56,444
Hello?
473
00:17:56,444 --> 00:17:57,743
Robin, don't smoke
that cigarette!
474
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:58,710
Marshall?!
475
00:17:58,710 --> 00:17:59,910
We're all watching
476
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,810
and we're all very
impressionable.
477
00:18:01,810 --> 00:18:03,244
And I swear to God,
if you smoke
478
00:18:03,244 --> 00:18:05,609
that cigarette,
we're all going to smoke.
479
00:18:06,909 --> 00:18:08,408
You...
480
00:18:08,408 --> 00:18:10,308
You guys are watching?
481
00:18:10,308 --> 00:18:13,541
: We sure are, sweetheart,
and you look fabulous.
482
00:18:13,541 --> 00:18:15,307
Oh, you guys.
483
00:18:15,307 --> 00:18:17,374
You don't have to do this,
Robin. You don't have to smoke.
484
00:18:17,374 --> 00:18:19,607
Resist it, honey.
485
00:18:19,607 --> 00:18:22,207
Thanks for the call, guys.
486
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,439
Oh, she did it!
487
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,606
Good for her.
488
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,939
We're not going to smoke.
489
00:18:30,906 --> 00:18:34,072
I have a pack stashed
up on the roof.
490
00:18:38,139 --> 00:18:38,872
Uh-oh.
491
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:43,303
I'm awake.
And I'm smoking!
492
00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:47,071
Robin, you know how dangerous
it is to wake a sleep smoker?
493
00:18:47,071 --> 00:18:48,770
It's fine.
494
00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:50,703
I bought a pack on my way home.
495
00:18:51,503 --> 00:18:52,903
Hey, great show, Robin.
496
00:18:52,903 --> 00:18:54,203
LILY:
Yeah, but that
497
00:18:54,203 --> 00:18:55,702
Don guy, what a tool.
498
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:58,301
Well, no, he actually
apologized to me.
499
00:18:58,301 --> 00:18:59,969
No, I mean when
he stood up.
500
00:18:59,969 --> 00:19:01,968
Those briefs were
pretty revealing.
501
00:19:01,968 --> 00:19:03,467
You should date that guy.
502
00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:05,300
Yeah.
Not in this lifetime.
503
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,434
NARRATOR: They were
dating within two months.
504
00:19:07,434 --> 00:19:08,800
But more on that later.
505
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,633
Hey, guys, look,
the sun's coming up.
506
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,199
You know what right now
is a perfect time for?
507
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,599
A last cigarette ever.
508
00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:20,565
No, I mean,
509
00:19:20,565 --> 00:19:23,731
a real last cigarette ever.
510
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,397
Damn it, let's do it.
511
00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:29,331
Okay.
512
00:19:30,764 --> 00:19:32,296
All right.
513
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,897
Last cigarette ever
514
00:19:33,897 --> 00:19:35,563
on, uh, on the count of three.
515
00:19:35,563 --> 00:19:38,230
One...
Two...
516
00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:39,496
Three.
517
00:19:39,496 --> 00:19:40,896
I wish I could tell you
518
00:19:40,896 --> 00:19:44,130
this was anyone's last
cigarette,but it wasn't.
519
00:19:44,130 --> 00:19:47,328
But we did eventually
all quit smoking for real.
520
00:19:47,328 --> 00:19:51,229
Robin's last cigarette
was in June 2013.
521
00:19:51,229 --> 00:19:55,527
Barney's last cigarette
was in March 2017.
522
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:57,194
Lily's last cigarette
was the day
523
00:19:57,194 --> 00:19:59,526
she started trying
to get pregnant.
524
00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:00,993
And Marshall's last cigarette
525
00:20:00,993 --> 00:20:03,826
was the day
his son was born.
526
00:20:03,826 --> 00:20:05,392
And my last cigarette?
527
00:20:05,392 --> 00:20:08,425
Two weeks into dating
your mother.
528
00:20:08,425 --> 00:20:10,059
And i'm almost back.
529
00:20:22,235 --> 00:20:23,868
I'm sorry I hit you, buddy.
530
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:24,836
I wanted to make it
531
00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:27,268
up to you,
by giving you this.
532
00:20:28,867 --> 00:20:30,534
Wow, she's hot!
533
00:20:30,534 --> 00:20:34,468
Yeah. Well... some day,
you're going to marry her.
534
00:20:34,468 --> 00:20:35,734
No way.
535
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,999
We're pretty lucky.
536
00:20:37,999 --> 00:20:40,233
Totally.
537
00:20:40,233 --> 00:20:41,600
I'll be in my tent.
538
00:20:44,165 --> 00:20:46,065
Oh, no. Wait, hey!
539
00:20:46,065 --> 00:20:47,733
No, don't, don't do that.
540
00:20:51,098 --> 00:20:52,931
Well...
541
00:20:52,931 --> 00:20:55,101
have fun for me.