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OLDER TED: Kids, when you're
in your 30s and live in New York,
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00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,762
there's a few places
you just never want to be.
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00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:10,173
Times Square on New Year's Eve.
Rockefeller Center around Christmastime.
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00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:11,676
- Yeah.
- But most of all...
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A college bar? Man, we're probably
gonna run into my students.
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They're gonna corner me
and want a free lecture.
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I don't even have my slide projector.
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Ted, I've been skee ball champ here
since law school.
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00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,626
I have to pop in at least once a month
to maintain my record.
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Whoa, looks like you've been gone awhile.
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Some guy named Big Fudge
has been cleaning up.
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Yeah, he has.
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- And you're Big Fudge.
- The biggest.
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So, by the way,
I have to tell you something.
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- Yep.
- I invited Jenkins.
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Jenkins? No way.
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We'd all started hearing about Jenkins
a few weeks earlier.
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You guys will not believe
what Jenkins did this time.
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Who's Jenkins?
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He's this hilarious new lawyer
at Marshall's office.
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Hilarious!
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Okay, so, there's this jar of maraschino
cherries in the fridge at work,
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so Jenkins says,
"200 bucks, I'll eat the whole jar."
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So we give Jenkins 200 bucks,
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and Jenkins ate the whole jar!
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(LAUGHING)
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(PEOPLE EX CLAIMING)
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Jenkins.
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OLDER TED:
And after that, the stories kept coming.
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So the CFO comes in
to sign some acquisition papers.
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So Jenkins goes, "Excuse me, Mr. Wilcox.
I think we forgot one of the documents."
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
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Jenkins!
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So we all go out for beers after work.
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Jenkins gets up on the table
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and starts gyrating
like some sort of deranged stripper.
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Next thing you know, off comes the shirt.
It was so gross.
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- Jenkins.
- Jenkins.
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Right?
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Well, it'll be great
to finally meet the famous Jenkins
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- after all those stories.
- Yeah.
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And there's about to be one more story.
I'm gonna bang Jenkins.
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- What?
- You heard me.
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You want to have sex with Jenkins?
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With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins.
You name it.
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I want to wear Jenkins like a sock.
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You... But you're... Haven't you all...
I'm... Really?
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- Hey, guys.
- Ted, this is Jenkins.
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Oh!
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Look, this is gonna sound crazy,
but I thought Jenkins was a guy.
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What? That's crazy.
What gave you that idea?
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I don't know, maybe the whole Jenkins-
peed-out-the-window-of-a-cab story.
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- Yeah. Much more impressive now, isn't it?
- Yeah!
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Okay, I'll come clean!
It all started a few weeks ago.
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By the way, four eyes, new lawyer.
This is Jenkins.
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- Watch out for this guy. He steals stuff.
- I don't steal stuff.
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And I don't wear glasses.
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- I'm Marshall.
- Hi, Marshall.
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So, are you really a Vikings fan,
or was he lying about that, too?
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Why? Is this a trap?
Are you a Packers fan?
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My wife knows I'm here.
She doesn't have money,
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but what she does have
is a very special set of skills.
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I'm a Vikings fan, too.
I bleed purple and gold.
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I'm from Pelican Rapids!
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- Pelican Rapids? No way!
- Yeah.
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My grandpa lives in Pelican Rapids.
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Well, I mean, he's dead now,
but he haunts a barn off Route 108.
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(LAUGHS)
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TED: Whoa! Hold it. Hold it.
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Dude, if you tell me you have a thing
for a woman that is not your wife,
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I will drag you outside and kick your ass.
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Okay, first of all, come on, buddy.
You can't handle the Fudge.
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Second of all, no,
I think of her like a big brother,
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who, I guess, has boobs.
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But so does my oldest brother,
Marvin Jr. Anyway,
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that night, I told Lily about...
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- Jenkins.
- I can't wait to meet him.
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MARSHALL: I should have corrected her.
It would have been so easy.
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But I didn't. So, after that,
whenever I talked about Jenkins,
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I always avoided pronouns.
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So the head of marketing comes in
to choose people for the mid-west audit.
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So he goes, him, him, her, him, him,
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Jenkins, him, her...
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I don't understand
why you wouldn't just tell Lily.
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Do you really think
she'd be all that jealous?
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Ted, think about those stories I told you.
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(WHISTLING)
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(ALL EX CLAIMING)
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- Yeah, I could see how that'd be a problem.
- Exactly. That's why Lily can't find out.
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- Lily can't find out what?
- That Marshall's gonna buy her a horse.
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You are? That is so awesome!
I love those things!
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Guys, why is that kid over there
staring at me?
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I think I know what this is.
I think it has finally happened.
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- I'm getting recognized from my show.
- Robin, that is so cute.
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But that's Scotty. He's one of my students,
and he's looking at me.
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How weird is it
that I'm more famous than you?
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(CHUCKLES)
Not at all, 'cause you're not. I'm on TV.
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00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:28,994
Yeah, and I have 30 students in my class.
That's what, 30 times your viewership?
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Now let's give Scotty a little thrill.
Buying a drink for the old prof.
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All right, Scotter, one question
about neo-classical architecture
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- and that is it.
- You're Robin Scherbatsky, right?
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- What?
- Yes, I am.
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Wow! Look, I didn't mean to stare.
It's just... I watch your show all the time.
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- Really?
- Really?
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Totally!
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- What are you doing out with Ted?
- It's Professor Mosby.
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We're friends.
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Holy crap! Robin Scherbatsky's friends
with my econ professor!
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It's architecture!
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All right, you know what, Scotty,
you're crowding us. Hit the bricks.
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- Wait a minute. You're Big Fudge!
- Go!
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(CELL PHONE RINGING)
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- Hello?
- Hey, baby, I'm on my way up.
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What? Why?
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There was a measles outbreak at school
and they called a half-day.
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Thought I'd come by here, have lunch,
maybe give you the measles?
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Okay.
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Um. I have a problem. That was my wife.
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When I first mentioned you,
she mistakenly thought you were a guy,
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- and so...
- So now you're worried
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that once she finds out I'm a woman,
she's gonna totally flip out.
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- Yes, exactly.
- Oh, jeez. Oh, gosh.
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Okay, okay.
I was in an improv group in Pelican Rapids.
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- Follow my lead.
- Okay.
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- Lily!
- Hey, baby...
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Hi, I'm Lily, Marshall's wife.
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Hi, Lily. I'm from the French Embassy.
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I'm here because of a small but significant
cheese incident that occurred.
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She's Jenkins!
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You're Jenkins?
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Yeah, well, that Camembert crisis
isn't gonna resolve itself,
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so I'll catch you guys on the flip-flop.
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OLDER TED: Marshall cringed.
This was the moment he had feared.
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The famous Jenkins! How about that?
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Funny, I was picturing a guy.
Anyhoo, lunch?
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(STAMMERING)
Wait. So you're not jealous at all?
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(LAUGHING) Sweetie, I never have
to worry about you with another woman.
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Right, well,
'cause we're so hopelessly in love, right?
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(LAUGHS) Yeah, sure. Anyhoo, lunch?
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- She wasn't jealous at all!
- Of course she wasn't jealous.
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That's the whole dynamic
of your relationship.
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- What's that supposed to mean?
- Well, it's like this, my man.
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Every good relationship
has a reacher and a settler.
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Exactly. One person reaches for someone
out of their league,
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the other one settles
for someone below theirs.
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I did not settle for Lily.
Okay, yes, she's a little short,
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and true, my mom says she doesn't have
the hips to birth an Eriksen child, but it...
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Oh, my God,
you guys think I'm the reacher.
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That's why Lily's not jealous.
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The settler is never jealous of the reacher
because where's the reacher gonna go?
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The settler, Lily, is the best thing that
the reacher, Marshall, is ever gonna get.
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No! Okay, yes, I'm lucky to have Lily,
but Lily is just as lucky to have me!
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Okay? Neither one of us is the reacher.
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Dude, you are so the reacher.
You're getting her a horse.
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(LAUGHING)
156
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- What?
- Shh. Take the hit. Take the hit.
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Thus ending modern architecture's
very brief experiment
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with the V-frame house.
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Um. Excuse me for a second.
What are you doing here?
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(LOUDLY) I noticed you forgot something
this morning, so I thought I'd bring it by.
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- Your pen.
- This is your pen.
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00:08:57,604 --> 00:09:00,266
And you chewed
on the end of this recently.
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00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,637
Not a problem, Ted.
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00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,505
- Your class was on my way to work...
- No, it's not.
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...at Come On, Get Up, New York,
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- where I'm an anchor, so...
- I watch your show all the time.
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What? You watch the show?
168
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Oh! Well, paint me flattered!
Any other fans out there?
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00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,151
- Oh! We got...
- Okay, all right.
170
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:20,318
- Thanks for coming by, Robin.
- Well, tune in tonight.
171
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:23,124
I'm doing a great piece on snail poison.
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00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,399
Also, who's got the worst pizza
in New York?
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00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:32,336
I'll give you the answer after traffic
on the ones, threes, fives, and nines.
174
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,602
Really? You guys watch her show?
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00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,975
It's like watching a well-lit aquarium,
but not as interesting.
176
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And now that I think about it,
not as well lit.
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00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:44,706
Well, the truth is,
we watch it for the drinking game.
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00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,417
The who now?
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00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:50,283
Her morning show comes on so early
we're usually still at the bar,
180
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,154
so whenever she does an interview,
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00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:55,319
you have to drink
every time she says "but, um."
182
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,657
- "But, um"?
- "But, um."
183
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,962
Apparently, she says it a lot.
184
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:04,168
It's funny.
I had a drinking game based on Robin,
185
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:05,898
but it was actually on Robin.
186
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,531
I'd pour Peach Schnapps
in her bellybutton...
187
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,236
- Dude, we agreed we wouldn't do this.
- Sorry. You're right.
188
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,370
She didn't like it anyway.
Said it woke her up.
189
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,309
Does she really say "but, um" that much?
190
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,981
OLDER TED: That night,
we found out just how much she said it.
191
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,578
That's great, but, um...
192
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:23,714
- "But, um."
- Nice.
193
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,758
This wasn't your first spelling bee, was it?
194
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:29,626
- Nope. Third.
- Oh! Good for you, but, um...
195
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,720
- But, um.
- But, um.
196
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,028
But, um... But, um... But, um...
But, um... But, um...
197
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:38,197
But, um... But, um... But, um...
But, um... But, um... But, um...
198
00:10:38,372 --> 00:10:39,498
(LAUGHING)
199
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,039
(SLURRING INDISTINCTLY)
200
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,668
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
201
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:48,903
Hmm.
202
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,382
Interesting article in the paper.
203
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:55,143
Says that in every relationship
there's a reacher and a settler.
204
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,382
Really? Let me see it.
205
00:10:56,456 --> 00:11:00,153
It's not in this newspaper.
It's in one I read awhile back.
206
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:03,958
This newspaper reminded me
of the other newspaper. Anyhoo...
207
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:09,435
- What do you think about that?
- Well, I guess sometimes that's the case.
208
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:11,596
But not in ours.
209
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:14,072
- What? No, of course not.
- Right.
210
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:23,138
Well, say, gun to your head,
you had to say one of us was the reacher.
211
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,809
Well, I'd say it's neither.
That's what makes us great.
212
00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:31,391
Okay, now, there's a gun to my head,
213
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:34,522
and our future children,
and our future cat or monkey,
214
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:38,086
depending on who wins the game of Risk
we've been playing for three years.
215
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,861
Nope. No reacher, no settler.
216
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,697
Mmm. Mmm.
217
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,262
Well, how about this...
218
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,306
OLDER TED: This went on for a while.
219
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,867
Until finally...
220
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:55,508
Our two kids, our eight grandkids,
our 11 great-grandkids
221
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:58,847
are all on a plane piloted by Oprah,
222
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:03,784
and it's about to crash into an art museum
with all of your favorite paintings,
223
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,621
and the only way,
the only way to save everything,
224
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:11,153
is just to answer the question.
Are you the reacher or the settler?
225
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:17,363
- And Oprah's tried everything?
- Everything! You have to decide now!
226
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:19,562
(SIGHING)
227
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:24,099
Well, I guess if I had to say,
then maybe I'd say
228
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:27,576
- I'm the settler.
- How could you say that?
229
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:30,115
She thinks that she's the settler.
230
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:35,015
I mean, that's it. I gotta prove to her
that I am not the reacher.
231
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,448
I gotta make her jealous.
232
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:40,152
Well, that's easy. Here's the plan.
Step one, sleep with Jenkins.
233
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,422
Step two, I sleep with Jenkins first.
234
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:46,830
Step three, we do step two first.
I'm gonna go get started on step two.
235
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,160
Okay, okay, I got something.
236
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,727
Remember the other night,
the skee ball game?
237
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,636
When you were putting nothing but wood
in the 50-hole?
238
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,505
Whatever. Just another night
for Big Fudge.
239
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:57,904
(KABOOM PLAYING)
240
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:01,106
Hello, baby, ooh!
241
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,709
Swish, sock, bonk, ping
242
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:07,345
Hello, baby, ooh!
243
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:12,185
Fad, flip, flop, wing
244
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,317
Ooh!
245
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:17,222
Swish, sock, bonk, ping
246
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,924
Hello, baby
247
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:23,196
- You thought she was into me?
- Full-on lady wood.
248
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:29,041
Yes. Of course. A plan taketh shape.
249
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:34,577
If Lady Lily's jealousy
young Marshall cannot budge,
250
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,943
then perchance, fair gentles,
251
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:42,387
Big Fudge can make her jealous.
252
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:43,717
Okay, let me try that again.
253
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:46,691
- lf Lady Lily...
- I got it, buddy. I got it.
254
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:51,992
Ted, I have got a great idea.
255
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,993
Is it clean your hair out of the shower drain
when you're done?
256
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,628
Seriously, it's like you're trying
to carpet the tub.
257
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:01,037
If you wanted to print out
one of your lectures or something,
258
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:05,771
I could read it on air.
Coming from a more entertaining source,
259
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,908
your students might actually pay attention
and learn something.
260
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,007
Oh! You're entertaining?
261
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,984
Last night there was three minutes
of dead air
262
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,351
while you sewed a button
back on your sweater.
263
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,323
Look, just because your class
likes me more than you...
264
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,621
- You're a drinking game!
- What?
265
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,358
That's why they watch.
They made a drinking game out of you.
266
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,365
Every time you say "but, um,"
they do a shot.
267
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,393
- "But, um"?
- Yeah.
268
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:31,930
I don't say "but, um."
I have never said "but, um."
269
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,098
Well, then I guess
it's not a very good drinking game,
270
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,108
which would mean last night,
when Barney and I played it,
271
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:39,634
I didn't get super wasted
and throw up all over myself.
272
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:45,040
(LAUGHING)
Wait! I did both of those things, so face!
273
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,855
- Hey, Jenkins.
- Hey, buddy.
274
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:54,951
Hey, so Lily and I are gonna go back
to that college bar again,
275
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,622
and we were wondering
if maybe you wanted to come.
276
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,824
You could just, like,
watch me play skee ball,
277
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,028
or do exactly what you did the other night.
Something like that.
278
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:06,095
It's really up to you. I mean, I know that...
279
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,203
(SCREAMING)
280
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,217
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
281
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,981
Hey, baby, what are you doing home?
282
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,196
"Baby"? That's a name I don't deserve.
283
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,988
- What?
- Jenkins kissed me.
284
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,490
She kissed me.
285
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:38,829
The other day she saw me play skee ball,
and I don't know,
286
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,567
I guess she caught
some of the Big Fudge fever.
287
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,633
But you have to know,
I stopped it right away,
288
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,645
and you're the only one for me, baby.
289
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,811
Oh, I see what this is.
290
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:54,877
This is about
the whole reacher-settler thing.
291
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:56,654
Come again for Big Fudge?
292
00:15:56,723 --> 00:16:00,682
You want to make me jealous,
so you're making up a story about Jenkins.
293
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:06,289
I'm not making this up! This happened!
That woman kissed me, with tongue.
294
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,494
- Her tongue was in my mouth!
- Sure it was.
295
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:13,363
It was thick and rough, like a starfish arm!
296
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:17,100
I'm so jealous!
I'm just gonna go over there
297
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:20,977
and punch her right in the nose.
Give her a knuckle sandwich!
298
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,748
Come on, baby. You want some soup?
299
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:26,951
It happened!
300
00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:31,584
Do you have any split-pea left?
301
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,886
These are just a few of the many
contributions he made to architecture,
302
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,898
and yet, he is only remembered
for one thing.
303
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:46,272
That, my friends, is the sad legacy
of Gregorio Francetti Gazebo.
304
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,402
Any questions?
305
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,535
Hey, do you want to go out
drinking with us tonight?
306
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,238
- What?
- Yeah, we were gonna play
307
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:54,712
the Robin Scherbatsky drinking game.
308
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,249
We were wondering
if you wanted to join us.
309
00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:01,811
Well, what can I say except, "But-ums up."
310
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,318
Can I still come?
311
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,222
I'll pay.
312
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,784
(ALL MURMUR IN AGREEMENT)
313
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:14,189
So, your third book
was your breakout novel, but, um...
314
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,928
- But, um!
- But, um!
315
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,630
Damn! Sorry.
316
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:22,237
But... Just "but," no "um." Just "but."
317
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:26,502
Your first novel was written more quickly.
318
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,211
- That's correct.
- But, um...
319
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,942
- But, um!
- But, um!
320
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,945
How great is this?
321
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,315
OLDER TED: And it was right then
that Robin got an idea
322
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,620
that would end the drinking game forever.
323
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:43,719
I wanted to ask you about the novel
you're writing right now, but, um...
324
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:45,094
- But, um!
- But, um!
325
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,395
It's an idea you've had for a... But, um...
326
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,491
- But, um!
- But, um!
327
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,626
...time. But, um...
328
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,363
- But, um!
- But, um!
329
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,473
No. No, no, no. Don't drink. It's a trap.
330
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,237
I think I'm gonna go.
You can keep your 10 bucks.
331
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,938
Okay, but, um, thanks for being with us.
332
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,379
But, um,
if there's any college kids watching,
333
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:05,077
but-um, but-um, but-um, but-um,
but-um, but-um, but-um, but-um...
334
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:08,143
We have to drink, professor. It's the rules.
335
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,717
She said "but, um."
336
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,152
God help us all.
337
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:21,932
There you are.
I'm so sorry I kissed you yesterday.
338
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,664
- That's okay.
- And I'm sorry I had sex with you
339
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:25,931
in the mailroom.
340
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:26,994
That wasn't me.
341
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:31,134
Good grief! That's two awkward
conversations I have to have today.
342
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:34,308
I don't normally do that. I was really drunk.
343
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:37,679
- You were drunk at 8:00 in the morning?
- Yeah, I don't know how that happened.
344
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,350
ROBIN: I thought snail pellets were safe,
but, um...
345
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,081
- But, um!
- But, um!
346
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,322
I gotta get to work.
347
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,254
Man, that game is really catching on.
348
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:55,028
- Damn it! How could I do this?
- It's okay.
349
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:58,867
No, you know what? It's not okay.
You're the nicest guy in this stupid office,
350
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,964
and I really don't want
to screw up our friendship.
351
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,635
This is so embarrassing.
Please don't tell anyone.
352
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:08,477
No, who am I gonna tell? Lily? I told Lily.
353
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:12,175
For Pete's sake. Well, I gotta go talk to her.
I gotta apologize.
354
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,981
- No! No! No!
- Yes.
355
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:17,250
Marshall, I'm just gonna tell her
that it happened, that it meant nothing,
356
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,518
- and that I'm sorry.
- No, I...
357
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:25,662
Yes. Yes. Do that.
358
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:27,290
- I will.
- Yeah,
359
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,800
and if you don't have time for all that,
360
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,837
just tell her it happened
and that you're sorry.
361
00:19:31,905 --> 00:19:34,100
And if you're in a real rush,
you don't even have to say "I'm sorry."
362
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,505
Just tell her that it happened.
363
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,135
That's the important part,
that it actually happened.
364
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:41,180
So, emphasize that as much as you can.
365
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:45,374
And so, Lily,
I guess what I'm saying is, it happened.
366
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:48,545
I feel terrible about it, and I'm really sorry.
367
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,250
Well, it happened.
368
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:55,557
What are you gonna do?
It happened. Terrible.
369
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,990
But like I said, it happened.
370
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,498
Exactly. And I feel awful about it.
371
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,832
And I'd hate myself
if what I did hurt you in any way,
372
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,201
or affected your relationship
with Marshall.
373
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:10,641
- Please forgive me.
- Kiss my husband? My husband?
374
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,838
Nobody kisses my future baby-daddy
but me!
375
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:16,239
(LILY GRUNTING)
376
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,910
- Marshall, you're blocking the shot!
- Well, I...
377
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:22,716
OLDER TED: And kids, your Uncle Marshall
never tried to make Lily jealous again.
378
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,017
- Lil!
- That's good.
379
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:35,456
Okay, we're just gonna have
a nice low-key class today.
380
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:40,637
Not a lot of talking. No loud noises.
381
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,274
Sup, guys?
382
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:48,679
No, no, no, no, no. Please, just go away.
383
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:51,473
I just wanted to drop by and say...
384
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,146
(SIREN BLARING)
385
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:57,219
Thanks for watching,
Come on, Get Up, New York!
386
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,855
Whoo!
387
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,024
But, um!
388
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:32,947
ENGLISH - US - SDH