1
00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,837
OLDER TED: Kids,
everyone has one or two moments
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00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:07,533
when they make a huge, crazy decision
that changes their lives forever.
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00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,337
This is the story of mine.
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00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:13,344
It all started with a visit from my mom
and her long-time boyfriend, Clint,
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who was always saying stuff like...
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Ted, your mother
is a very, very erotic woman.
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Please don't.
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00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:26,586
As a painter /songwriter /
volunteer fear fighter,
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00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:30,426
I find her incredibly sexual.
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00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,625
But you have your own sexual memories
with your mom, don't you?
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00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,725
Please don't.
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Exiting her womb. Receiving her milk.
You get me?
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(CHUCKLES) Good.
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I cannot believe I am with that man.
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Mom, Mom, it's okay.
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You don't have to settle.
There are plenty of guys...
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00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:54,078
He's so cool. And he picked me.
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(SCREAMING EX CITEDLY)
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Well, I'm glad you're both so happy.
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Well, good.
Because we do have an announcement.
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(CHUCKLING) Son.
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
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OLDER TED: Yes, my mom was lapping me.
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Getting married for a second time,
before I was even married once.
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I was so happy for them,
so freaking happy.
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Still, weddings can be magical.
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For all I knew, I'd end up sharing a dance
with my own future wife there.
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And if you don't boil those jam jars,
it's just a welcome mat for bacteria.
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OLDER TED: That wasn't her.
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- (GASPS) Oh, congratulations.
- We are so happy for you.
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I feel like I'm 19 again.
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It's like the last 35 years of my life
never happened.
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So wonderful to hear, Mom.
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Son, to show that your mom and I
will always be there for you,
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I want you to have this beautiful picture,
that I painted.
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(ALL GASPING)
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OLDER TED: Kids, there was no guitar.
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Excuse me, Ted.
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- Best...
- Wedding...
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Ever.
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Hello, everyone.
Mahalo for being here with us.
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My entire life,
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well, this life,
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I've waited for a muse like Virginia.
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Baby,
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this is your song.
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(PLAYING FOLK SONG)
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(SINGING) When I squeeze
her trembling bosom
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Oh, God.
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The blood pumps to my loins
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When I penetrate her...
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OLDER TED: Kids, I swear to God,
I blacked out for the next 12 minutes.
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00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,936
So I have no idea
how the song got to this ending.
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(SINGING) And Mahatma Gandhi
And the pancakes
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- Everyone. And the dragon
- ALL: And the dragon
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And you, Virginia
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Guys, guys. Guess what Robin just did?
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CLINT: (SINGING) ... and true
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Are you crying?
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I know it's stupid, but...
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- CLINT: Everyone. And the dragon
- And the dragon
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CLINT: And you...
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I'm happy, you know.
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Not as happy as I am, Robin.
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Guys, guys. Guess what Robin just did?
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And then, I told you guys
what Robin just did,
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but you were there for that.
I got to tell the rest of the wedding.
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Aunt Meredith.
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OLDER TED: Kids, I can't overstate
how horrible it is to be the single guy
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at your own mother's second wedding.
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00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,827
So, Ted, when's your wedding?
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So, Ted, when's your wedding?
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- When's your wedding?
- When's your wedding?
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00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,036
When's your wedding?
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Robin cried at Clint's song.
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Oh, I told you already.
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Ted's hot sister Heather.
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I have to leave.
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00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,976
Wait, Ted, what about your toast?
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Make up some emergency or something.
I just... I can't handle this.
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00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,314
Ted, Ted, where you going?
It's your mother's wedding.
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Uncle Larry, my hand to God,
Niagara Falls.
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(LAUGHING)
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OLDER TED: And my friends didn't see me
for the next 72 hours.
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Seriously, is Ted okay?
I mean, I know it was a rough weekend,
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but this radio silence is weird.
87
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:33,497
I know. His mom's called like five times
asking where he disappeared to.
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00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:38,806
Sorry, Robin, they're all out of pretzels.
And I know how emotional you get...
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(SIGHS)
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(SHUSHING)
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Let it go. Let it go.
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Okay. Okay.
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- I cried at Clint's song.
- She cried at Clint's song.
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TED: Hi, guys.
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- Ted, where have you been?
- Are you okay?
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00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,453
Oh, I'm better than okay.
I am on top of the world.
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00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:56,962
Come on. We're going for a ride.
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Hey, buddy, do you want to,
maybe, let somebody
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00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,637
who isn't having some sort of
manic episode drive for a while?
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00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,935
Yeah. And where the hell are we going?
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00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:10,243
First, let me tell you what happened
the night of the wedding.
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TED: Watching my mom get married,
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I realized how far behind I was
in my own life.
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I just had to get out of there.
So I went back to my hotel room,
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and got onto this Web site
I sometimes visit when I can't sleep.
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ALL: No, no, no, no.
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We do not want to know what you
and the Internet do when you're Ionely.
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I didn't. I...
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That's not the part of the night
I was talking about.
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TED: I went to my favorite
real estate auction site.
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Come on, we've all got one.
Scrolled through a few properties and...
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Guys, I just bought my dream house.
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(RAT SQUEAKING)
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(ALL SCREAMING)
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What do you mean you bought this house?
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I mean, I made a bid online,
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I won the auction the next day,
and I got approval.
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I just finalized the paperwork.
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00:05:57,491 --> 00:06:02,485
And was the Blair Witch easy to deal with,
or did she haggle over the closing costs?
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Don't even joke about that, man.
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So, I'm thinking this room
will be the study.
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You know, a place just for Dad.
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I mean, the kids are welcome in here,
if they're reading a book, but no toys.
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It's not a question of withholding love.
It's a question of drawing boundaries.
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- Whoa.
- Ted, this is insane.
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This is gonna take years,
and a small fortune to make livable.
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I'm an architect. I'll find a way.
And if I start right now,
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it'll be done by the time
the old wifey and I are ready to move in.
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Is she in the room with us right now, Ted?
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Okay, okay. I know.
I haven't found Mrs. Mosby yet.
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But I will, knock on wood.
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- (CRUMBLING)
- (RAT SQUEAKING)
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- Careful, buddy.
- Okay. Ted.
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You can't just skip ahead to
where you think your life should be.
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It doesn't work that way.
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Yeah, I got to agree. This may be
the stupidest thing you've ever done.
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Stupidest thing any of us have ever done.
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- Okay, all right. Let's lay off Ted.
- Thank you.
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All right. We've all done
some stupid things in our lives.
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For example, I remember a time
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when I dropped some bottle rockets
in the toilet,
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and I tried to dry them off
in the microwave.
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You must've been drunk off your ass.
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No. Too stupid to be an adult.
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He was obviously a kid
when that happened.
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A kid? How does a kid even get...
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BARNEY: Who puts a bottle rocket
in a microwave?
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00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,562
Oh, my God. Guys, great new game.
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"Drunk or Kid?" Which one was I?
Lock in your guesses.
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- Drunk.
- Kid.
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Drum roll, please.
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MARSHALL: I was...
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Drunk.
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(DINGING)
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- Yeah.
- Hey.
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00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:34,083
You know, I'm glad Robin got it right.
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(WHISPERING) 'Cause she's
very sensitive and fragile.
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I'm referencing the time
she cried at Clint's song.
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And even though I'm whispering,
I actually hope she hears me.
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It wasn't me.
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What?
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I'm not the one who cried at Clint's song.
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(ALL GASPING)
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CLINT: (SINGING) ... and true
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Are you crying?
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I know it's stupid, but...
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00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:04,010
- CLINT: Everyone. And the dragon
- And the dragon
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They're just so happy, you know.
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Not as happy as I am.
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I will give you $500 if this
just happened to you instead of me.
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500 bucks? Deal.
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Thank you, Robin.
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You just saved me unspeakable
public humiliation and shame.
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Hmm.
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00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:23,291
Guys, guys. Guess what Robin just did?
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(ALL LAUGHING)
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00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:25,728
Wait, you guys are...
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(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
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Hi, I'm here for the inspection.
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Oh! Great.
I was worried you weren't coming.
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Well, I was actually here
a few minutes ago,
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00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,904
- but I guess the doorbell doesn't work.
- Hmm.
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00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,345
Oh! Hey,
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00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,113
doorbell does not work.
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00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:44,718
Wait, wait, you're just getting
this place inspected now?
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00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:45,815
- Well, yeah.
- Ted...
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00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:46,916
(ALL CLAMORING)
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00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,518
All right. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
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All right. Let's all remember that
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00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,232
we've all done
some stupid things in our lives, okay?
191
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,531
For example, I once tried to ride my bike
down an extension ladder
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00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,161
from the roof of a two-story house.
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00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,701
The only looming question is,
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00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,331
was I drunk or a kid?
195
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:04,434
(BARNEY GASPS)
196
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,978
- Drunk.
- Kid.
197
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,240
Drum roll, please.
198
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,546
MARSHALL: I was...
JUD Y: (SCREAMING) Marshall's dead.
199
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:16,316
- MARSHALL: A kid.
- Marshall's dead. Marshall.
200
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,549
(DINGING)
201
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:18,852
(BARNEY EX CLAIMING)
202
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:20,854
Moms, right?
203
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:23,828
Just always making a big deal
out of nothing.
204
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,797
Came out of that coma in under a week.
205
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,857
Hey, let's check out the porch, huh?
Come on.
206
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:32,365
I'm gonna put a grill out here,
every Sunday, right here.
207
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,805
- It's gonna be a total sausage fest.
- Hmm.
208
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:38,173
Sausage party? Burgers.
Right, I'll do... We'll do burgers.
209
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:42,146
Ted, stop it. You can't keep this house.
It's a huge mistake.
210
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,773
Lily, listen to me.
211
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,341
I had a plan, okay? Wife, house, kids.
212
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,252
As it turns out, the universe
is being kind of a wad
213
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,914
about the whole wife and kids part.
214
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:54,950
So what's the one thing I can control?
The house. I bought it.
215
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,222
It's not a huge mistake.
216
00:09:56,296 --> 00:10:00,858
Exactly. Now, me driving my brother's car
the wrong way down l-94,
217
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,902
that was a huge mistake.
218
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,270
- Drunk.
- Kid.
219
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,532
I was...
220
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,735
(SCREAMING)
221
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:10,099
MARSHALL: A kid.
222
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,200
(DINGING)
223
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,505
(BARNEY GRUNTING)
224
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:18,041
Wow, Barney, what,
did you cry on that guy or something?
225
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,713
Uh... You got leaky pipes.
But the bright side,
226
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:25,519
the pond in your basement is drowning
some of the larger, slower rats.
227
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,925
The rest of them, well,
they're headed this way.
228
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:34,462
See, you should've waited to find out
the problems with this house.
229
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,502
You can always find problems
with any decision.
230
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,196
But you can't let that stop you.
231
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:42,037
Freshman year, Marshall knew right away
he wanted to spend his life with you.
232
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,770
What if someone had been there
to second-guess that decision?
233
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,335
Bye.
234
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:53,641
I know we've only been on two dates,
but, damn it, Lily Aldrin, I'm...
235
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,017
I'm gonna marry you.
236
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,214
Not so fast.
237
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,584
We got some structural issues here.
238
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,756
These hips are not
Eriksen-baby compliant.
239
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:09,464
And this thing right here
does not have a proper filter.
240
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:12,300
That's a maintenance issue
that's never gonna go away.
241
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:16,433
And I know you think that
you like this gothic exterior now,
242
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:20,639
but deep down, didn't you always
picture yourself in something Spanish?
243
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,612
I recommend you look into
the rental option.
244
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,143
But Marshall took that leap of faith,
245
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,983
and it's the best thing
that ever happened to you both.
246
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,785
It was Robin.
247
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:37,922
(GASPING) "What?" Yes!
It was Robin who cried at Clint's song.
248
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,965
"But she said..." I know what she said.
249
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,297
But here's what
she didn't want you to know.
250
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:47,733
Listen, Barney, I can't stand
all these jokes about me crying.
251
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,305
If I pretend to reveal that
you were the one who cried,
252
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,502
will you go along with it?
253
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,402
Sure.
254
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,448
(SIGHING) I made a mistake
letting you go, didn't I?
255
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,548
Your penis is enormous.
256
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,644
(ALL GRUNTING)
257
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,211
Dude, you almost had us.
258
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,517
You always take it one too far.
259
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:05,683
Damn it.
260
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,059
All right, good news.
I think we'll be out of here early.
261
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,255
- Really?
- Yep.
262
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,491
I finished downstairs and the outside.
263
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,931
Now, I could keep looking
and see what else I can find,
264
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,799
besides the black mold,
the damaged retaining wall,
265
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,897
the frayed electrical wires,
the lead paint, the water damage,
266
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,532
the fire damage, the sun damage,
267
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,634
the broken furnace,
the rotted floorboards...
268
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,474
- Hey, look at that, no termites.
- Ooh.
269
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,878
The cracked chimney,
the bats, the rats, the spiders,
270
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,644
the raccoons,
the hobo, the detached gutter,
271
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:32,742
the outdated fuse box
272
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:35,185
and the paint job in the kitchen,
which is fine,
273
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,746
but the trim really clashes
with the countertops.
274
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,322
Or I could just recommend
275
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:42,850
that you do not buy this godforsaken
Guantánamo Bay of a house,
276
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,920
and suggest that
we all get our asses out of here
277
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,796
before a medium-sized wind
blows the whole sumbitch down.
278
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,498
What if... (CLEARING THROAT)
What if I already bought the sumbitch?
279
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,196
(STAMMERS)
280
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,908
Well, I will check out the upstairs.
281
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,410
(INSPECTOR LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
282
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,382
Did he say he found a hobo?
283
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,587
Okay, yes. There are problems.
284
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:15,150
But I see this house
for what I know it can be.
285
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,560
I see a swing on that tree outside.
286
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,622
I see a wreath on the front door
at Christmas,
287
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:25,932
I see a grill out on that patio,
where I'll be barbecuing every weekend.
288
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:29,497
I see a life that I know I can have here.
289
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,609
(CREAKING)
290
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,403
INSPECTOR: Mama.
291
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,943
I see a lawsuit.
292
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:40,585
INSPECTOR: (GRUNTING) Found termites.
293
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,584
LILY: Bye.
294
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:51,423
Hey, well, the good news is, the inspector
killed some roaches on impact.
295
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,759
LILY: Hold on.
296
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:56,699
Giant hole in second floor.
297
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,794
Just want to make sure
the report is thorough.
298
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,332
(CLICKING TONGUE) Oh, you were right.
299
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:06,537
This was a huge mistake. It's just...
300
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,514
Everyone's moving on but me.
You guys got a place years ago.
301
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,107
Robin's getting serious with Don.
302
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,119
Barney, maybe, that's a new tie?
303
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,779
Thank you. Jeez.
304
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,585
Now, my mom's remarried.
305
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:23,027
I'm exactly where I was five years ago.
I'm sick of it. I'm...
306
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,559
I'm ready for the life
that fits into this house.
307
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,069
That's all right, buddy.
308
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,768
Sometimes, people make
the wrong decisions in life.
309
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,501
Like your mother.
310
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,043
What do you mean?
311
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:44,414
Ted, as you know, I've always been
very, very fond of your mother.
312
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,473
Please don't.
313
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,679
In fact, Virginia and I
shared a special moment
314
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,223
back in 2006 B.C.
315
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,625
Before Clint.
316
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,755
What the hell are you talking about?
317
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,330
I wanted to be your dad.
318
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:02,001
- What does that even mean?
- Don't you talk back to me, young man.
319
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,935
That's why I cried at Clint's song.
320
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,495
Because that bastard
took her away from me.
321
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,565
And now, all I'm left with
322
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,703
is the memory
of dropping her off at the airport.
323
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:15,680
(BOTH LAUGHING)
324
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,841
And that's how you got the brooch?
325
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:19,584
Unbelievable.
326
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,142
(NIGHTMOVES PLAYING ON RADIO)
327
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,585
(SINGING) I was a little too tall
Could've used a few pounds
328
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,682
So, here we are.
329
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:29,827
Here we are.
330
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,887
She was a black-haired beauty
with big dark eyes
331
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:33,989
- We made good time.
- Not a lot of traffic.
332
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,261
(WHISPERS) Stupid.
333
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,600
Oh, I love this song.
334
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,231
Do you? I can...
335
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,766
Way up firm and high
336
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,377
Out past the cornfields
where the woods got heavy
337
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,881
Listen, Ted's mom.
338
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:57,353
I should really not... I...
339
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:58,651
(MRS. MOSBY SHUSHING)
340
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,095
Working on our night moves
341
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,962
Trying to make some front page
drive-in news
342
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:13,036
Working on our night moves
343
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,567
Your penis is enormous.
344
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:16,933
(ALL GROANING)
345
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:18,874
Again. Always one too far.
346
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,674
Okay, all right, fine.
That last part I made up.
347
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:24,706
But the rest of it, I swear, was true.
Come on, dude, your mom is a cougar.
348
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,252
Wait, I thought you said
a cougar can't be over 50.
349
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,379
Okay, she's a Mellencamp.
350
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:31,888
Guys, I am screwed.
351
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:36,418
I mean, the best I can do is level this place,
and sell the property for a huge loss.
352
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:40,592
Look, Ted, usually in life,
when you make a stupid decision,
353
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,531
you just have to live with it.
354
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,070
But how often do you get the chance
355
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:49,507
to pick up a sledgehammer
and bash the living hell out of it?
356
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,510
(SIGHING)
357
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,112
This is stupid.
358
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,884
Your mom and I got to second base.
359
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,151
(GRUNTING LOUDLY)
360
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,021
(OUR HOUSEPLAYING)
361
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,994
(SINGING) I light the fire
362
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,260
You place the flowers
363
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:18,634
In the vase that you bought today
364
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:26,868
Staring at the fire
for hours and hours
365
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,073
While I listen to you
366
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,708
Thanks, Lily. That felt fantastic.
367
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,718
Aw! To Ted Mosby.
368
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:38,189
Homeowner, friend,
and if he can rent it out, slumlord.
369
00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:39,588
- Yeah.
- Cheers.
370
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,428
There's...
371
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:46,623
There's one last thing I got to do.
372
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:50,700
OLDER TED: And my friends didn't see me
for the next 72 hours.
373
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,163
He was our ride.
374
00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:01,136
Hi.
375
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,375
Ted, what are you doing here?
376
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,713
I never got to give you guys your toast.
377
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,253
I was selfish, and I freaked out,
and I'm so sorry.
378
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,347
So here it is.
379
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:13,749
(CLEARING THROAT)
380
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,556
How about a hand for the DJ?
Gesture to D...
381
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,963
I'll skip down.
382
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,664
Mom, I love you.
383
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,532
And I've never seen you
as happy as you are with Clint.
384
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,800
And, Clint, welcome to the family.
385
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:32,405
What you two have
is what I one day hope to find.
386
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,713
But until then, cheers to you both.
387
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,044
I love you guys.
388
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,412
Ted...
389
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:45,215
I am so
390
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,354
baked right now.
391
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:52,622
I'm only 60% sure
you're actually standing in front of me.
392
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:54,325
But if you are,
393
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:56,395
I love you.
394
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,501
And you are the best son
a mother could ever have.
395
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,903
(MRS. MOSBY SIGHING)
396
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,315
(COUGHING)
397
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:13,842
(MRS. MOSBY GIGGLING)
398
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,046
OLDER TED: There was no logical reason
399
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,521
why my mother
should be with a guy like that.
400
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,148
And yet, as you kids know,
401
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:23,787
being with your Grandpa Clint was
the best decision your grandma ever made.
402
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:31,061
Sometimes, our best decisions are
the ones that don't make any sense at all.
403
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:42,209
- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.
404
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,340
How'd you know
I was gonna be up here today?
405
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:45,907
Robin told me.
406
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:48,884
Happy house-warming.
407
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:53,356
But I told you last time I saw you,
I'm selling the place.
408
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,153
I know what you said.
409
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:59,124
I also know my best friend, Ted Mosby.
410
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:04,168
Look, all the times over the years
when I've said to you,
411
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:07,232
"Slow down,
don't rush into things with this girl,"
412
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:09,399
you haven't listened to me
a single damn time.
413
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,412
Your heart is both drunk and a kid.
414
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,117
Thanks for sticking up for me, man.
415
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,246
That's what I do.
416
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,685
Can I...
Can I show you some of the ideas I have?
417
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,153
Yeah.
418
00:20:31,263 --> 00:20:35,256
OLDER TED: And kids, Marshall was right.
I didn't give up on my dream house.
419
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,768
Because that's the thing
about stupid decisions.
420
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:40,328
We all make them. But time is funny.
421
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,632
(OUR HOUSEPLAYING)
422
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,943
And sometimes a little magical.
423
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,177
It can take a stupid decision
424
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:54,013
and turn it into something else entirely.
425
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,882
Because, kids, as you know,
426
00:20:58,290 --> 00:20:59,757
that house
427
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:03,094
is this house.
428
00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:32,346
ENGLISH - US - SDH