1 00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:03,859 [Ted] And so, due to one architectural oversight... 2 00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:09,465 the Toledo bridge disaster of 1906 claimed the lives of 75 people. 3 00:00:10,576 --> 00:00:12,874 Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll... 4 00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:14,810 but happy Halloween, ya crazies! 5 00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:16,245 [Laughing, Whooping] 6 00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:17,941 Hey, Professor "Bros-by"... 7 00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:19,745 you gonna come get beers with us later? 8 00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:21,149 Nah, I got a thing. 9 00:00:21,253 --> 00:00:23,187 But you kids have fun trick-or-treating. 10 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:26,781 This is our treat. You're the coolest, Professor Mosby. 11 00:00:26,892 --> 00:00:28,951 - Well, hot dog. - [Students Laugh] 12 00:00:29,061 --> 00:00:30,961 - [Lily] Did it hurt? - [Ted] What? 13 00:00:31,063 --> 00:00:34,760 Getting that kid's nose surgically removed from your ass. 14 00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:37,131 It's not her nose that's in my ass, Lily. 15 00:00:37,236 --> 00:00:38,703 It's her heart. 16 00:00:38,804 --> 00:00:42,604 My class loves me. I am really makin' an impression on those guys. 17 00:00:44,276 --> 00:00:46,267 I'd like to make an impression on those guys. 18 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:49,041 And I love the office Halloween party. 19 00:00:49,148 --> 00:00:52,174 It is so much sluttier than the office Christmas party. 20 00:00:52,284 --> 00:00:53,751 Though, not as freaky... 21 00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:55,650 as the office President's Day rave. 22 00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:59,020 Or the office Tu B'shvat pajama jammy-jam. 23 00:01:00,092 --> 00:01:01,684 Hey, guys. Hey, boss. 24 00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:03,352 Hey, Randy. Uh, you want a beer? 25 00:01:03,462 --> 00:01:04,986 Oh, no, thank you. I brew my own. 26 00:01:05,097 --> 00:01:08,328 At the risk of bragging, my hazelnut pilsner won fourth prize... 27 00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:10,197 at the Weehawken Retirement Home Clambake... 28 00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:12,634 and Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic. 29 00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:15,536 I wouldn't consider any part of that bragging. 30 00:01:15,641 --> 00:01:17,268 Hey, uh, it just occurred to me. 31 00:01:17,376 --> 00:01:19,810 Is your friend... What's her name? Gobin, Flabin? 32 00:01:19,912 --> 00:01:21,311 - Robin? - Robin. That's it, yeah. 33 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,644 Is she comin' tonight? Not that I really care. 34 00:01:23,749 --> 00:01:27,412 - Robin has another party to go to. - Oh, damn it! I'm leaving! 35 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,681 Oh, wait. But she might stop by later. 36 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,689 Guess I can hang out a little longer. 37 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:40,759 So, anyone going to see the, uh, Halloween parade? 38 00:01:40,866 --> 00:01:43,767 [Ted Narrating] We were big fans of New York's annual Halloween Parade. 39 00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:47,032 I don't mean the one that takes place Halloween night in the Village. 40 00:01:47,139 --> 00:01:49,403 I mean the one that takes place the morning of November 1... 41 00:01:49,508 --> 00:01:52,739 the Annual Post-Halloween Walk Of Shame Parade. 42 00:01:52,845 --> 00:01:54,608 Look at 'em. 43 00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:58,172 Headin' home after their dirty, filthy hookups. 44 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,742 - Ooh. Looks like that bee got busy. - Ha. 45 00:02:01,854 --> 00:02:04,982 Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed. 46 00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:08,788 Uh-oh, looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees. 47 00:02:08,894 --> 00:02:10,361 - Come on, Marshall. - There's a line. 48 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,090 - No, it's because that girl... - We get it. 49 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:13,859 Does it get any better than this? 50 00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:17,731 Uh, yes. Yes, it does. 51 00:02:19,505 --> 00:02:22,440 [Groans] Crap. 52 00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:25,009 ## [Upbeat Pop] 53 00:02:26,612 --> 00:02:33,443 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 54 00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,380 ## [Ends] 55 00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:39,290 There she is... 56 00:02:39,391 --> 00:02:42,326 Florence "Night In Bed With A Stranger." 57 00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:45,920 - So who's the lucky patient? - I don't wanna talk about it. 58 00:02:46,031 --> 00:02:48,966 Please tell me you're not hooking up with one of your co-anchors again. 59 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,969 - My co-anchor's a woman. - Tell me you are hooking up with one of your co-anchors. 60 00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:53,663 [Ted Narrating] Robin had always believed... 61 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,331 that the key to success... 62 00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:57,068 was intelligence, hard work and professionalism. 63 00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:59,235 Her new co-anchor, Becky, had a different philosophy. 64 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:02,246 Boats! Boats! Boats! 65 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,316 [Announcer] It's the Farhampton Boat Show... 66 00:03:04,416 --> 00:03:07,647 Boats! Boats! Boatsl 67 00:03:07,753 --> 00:03:10,950 November 5, 6, 7 at the Farhampton Civic Center. 68 00:03:11,056 --> 00:03:12,489 B-B-Boats! 69 00:03:12,591 --> 00:03:14,252 Come on downl 70 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,294 [Electronic Effect] B-B-B-Boats! 71 00:03:17,429 --> 00:03:20,193 - You did a commercial? - Why not? 72 00:03:20,299 --> 00:03:23,132 You're a journalist. Don't you want to be taken seriously? 73 00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:24,600 No. I'm cute. 74 00:03:24,703 --> 00:03:26,193 Okay, if you really think... 75 00:03:26,305 --> 00:03:28,000 this is going to help your image... 76 00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:30,837 Hi, Becky. Boats, boats, boats. 77 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,045 Robin, little help here. 78 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,939 - Aw. - Oh, Robin. 79 00:03:37,049 --> 00:03:39,040 You gotta not worry so much about being liked. 80 00:03:39,151 --> 00:03:42,348 Oh, easy for you to say. Everybody loves you at your job. 81 00:03:42,454 --> 00:03:44,285 - Mmm. That's true. - [Ted Narrating] That was true of my teaching job... 82 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,187 but I was also designing the new headquarters... 83 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,522 for Goliath National Bank, and, well... 84 00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:51,960 Ted Mosby, we don't like you! 85 00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:53,691 What do you have to say for yourself... 86 00:03:53,799 --> 00:03:55,426 tearing down a beautiful old building... 87 00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:57,365 just to put up a stupid bank headquarters? 88 00:03:57,469 --> 00:03:58,936 Hmm. 89 00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:02,633 Boo-freakin'-hoo. 90 00:04:02,741 --> 00:04:05,642 - Boo-freakin'-hoo? That's it? - Yeah. 91 00:04:05,744 --> 00:04:10,044 - The Arcadian is an architecturally significant... - Architecturally significant? 92 00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:14,210 Zoey, you're very pretty. Your hair smells great. 93 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,254 Shampoo. You should try it sometime. 94 00:04:16,355 --> 00:04:18,846 You don't know the first thing about architecture. 95 00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:21,586 Key Ted Mosby's car. 96 00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:22,661 Go on. 97 00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:24,228 I'm a professor. Okay? 98 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,821 I teach this stuff at one of the best colleges in the country. 99 00:04:26,932 --> 00:04:28,923 I don't go down to your place of non-employment... 100 00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:31,059 and lecture you about how your little protest... 101 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:32,865 is a misguided waste of time. 102 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,998 Except, whoops... I just did. Ha! Burn. 103 00:04:36,108 --> 00:04:38,668 - Oh, good, the eggs are here. - Well, I should head up. 104 00:04:38,777 --> 00:04:40,677 [Ted Narrating] No, GNB was not popular. 105 00:04:40,779 --> 00:04:44,237 That's why every year they produced a feel-good video to improve the bank's image. 106 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,649 [Male Announcer] What makes Goliath National Bank different from other big banks? 107 00:04:47,753 --> 00:04:49,687 Here at GNB, we care. 108 00:04:49,788 --> 00:04:52,916 I care about our precious earth. 109 00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,851 I care about old people. 110 00:04:58,063 --> 00:05:01,123 I care about high-yield off-shore investments... 111 00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,860 and so does Tugboat here. 112 00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,902 Isn't that right, Tugboat? Yeah. 113 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,231 Okay, get that camera outta my face... 114 00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:10,399 before I flip you like a cheese omelet. 115 00:05:10,509 --> 00:05:15,446 All you have to do is say "I care about making dreams come true." 116 00:05:15,547 --> 00:05:18,516 First of all, that line makes me sound like a hooker... 117 00:05:18,617 --> 00:05:20,881 and saying it makes me feel like a hooker. 118 00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:24,547 Everyone is in this video. Randy's in the video. 119 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,716 I don't want to brag, but in 29 takes... 120 00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:28,554 I only threw up thrice. 121 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:29,958 Great. 122 00:05:30,062 --> 00:05:31,996 Randy, did you send the Hermanson contracts downtown? 123 00:05:32,097 --> 00:05:34,622 [Chuckling] I did. I sent them downtown. 124 00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:37,634 Why are you sayin' it like that? They never arrived at the downtown office. 125 00:05:37,736 --> 00:05:39,203 They... 126 00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:40,932 Just to make sure we're on the same page... 127 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,602 is "send them downtown" not an expression for shredding a document? 128 00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:48,475 - You shredded them? - [Stammering] I sent them downtown. 129 00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,138 You know, down into the shredder. 130 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:52,513 You-You feed the paper in a downwards fashion... 131 00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:54,245 so that's where the expression comes from. 132 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:56,787 That's not an expression! That has never been an expression! 133 00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:59,414 Okay, I can fix this. I am all over this project. 134 00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:05,520 I'll say this. There is no quit in that guy. 135 00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:07,098 You should fire him. 136 00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:08,860 Okay, that... That right there... 137 00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:11,061 That attitude is exactly why I won't be in your video... 138 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,933 because GNB doesn't care. 139 00:06:13,038 --> 00:06:15,097 They hand out pink slips like they're hors d'oeuvres. 140 00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:17,368 Just last week, I was talking to Arthur. 141 00:06:17,476 --> 00:06:20,445 Whoa, whoa. You're wearin' a green tie. No. 142 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,811 - I'm wearin' a green tie. - [Bell Dings] 143 00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:25,941 GNB treats their people like they're disposable... 144 00:06:26,051 --> 00:06:27,848 and I will not be a part of that. 145 00:06:27,953 --> 00:06:32,287 Marshall Eriksen does not fire people, period. 146 00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:36,953 Uh, just want you to know, we are making good progress on this new project. 147 00:06:37,062 --> 00:06:39,053 - [Phone Rings] - You gentlemen keep talking. 148 00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:40,927 I will answer that. 149 00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:42,625 Marshall Eriksen's office. 150 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,363 Yeah, I can get that for you. Just a second. 151 00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:50,671 Uh, "bank." The "B" stands for bank. 152 00:06:50,776 --> 00:06:53,006 Okay, Mother, I'll see you tonight. 153 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,546 Oh, yikes. I better get Mr. Messy a napkin. 154 00:06:58,917 --> 00:07:03,149 [Objects Clattering] 155 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,790 Period! 156 00:07:05,891 --> 00:07:07,825 Just tell me who you slept with. 157 00:07:07,926 --> 00:07:09,655 Lily, I don't want to get into it, okay? 158 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,060 Aha! It's someone we know. 159 00:07:12,164 --> 00:07:15,224 If it was some ding-dong we didn't know, you'd just give me his name. 160 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:18,735 Fine. It's Bill Pepper. 161 00:07:18,837 --> 00:07:21,328 - Bill Pepper? - Mm-hmm. 162 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,499 Kind of a coincidence there happens to be... 163 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,839 a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. 164 00:07:25,944 --> 00:07:29,880 [Gasps] Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin? 165 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:33,281 - Oh, come on! - It's someone we know! 166 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,248 So, I'm assuming you all read the chapters on Greek Revival architecture. 167 00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:39,391 - Any questions? - Yes. How do you sleep at night? 168 00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:41,188 - Any questions? - Yes. How do you sleep at night? 169 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,360 What are you doing here? 170 00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:49,127 It was recently made clear to me... 171 00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:51,225 that I don't know the first thing about architecture... 172 00:07:51,336 --> 00:07:53,804 so here I am. 173 00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,406 Very well then. Let's get started. 174 00:07:57,509 --> 00:08:00,535 [Clears Throat] Some examples of Greek Revival architecture... 175 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:04,275 Ooh! Ooh! Is the Arcadian Greek Revival? 176 00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:06,376 No. 177 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:08,885 What's the Arcadian? 178 00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:11,080 Oh, it's just this beautiful old building... 179 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,385 that Professor Mosby wants to tear down. 180 00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:16,086 What? No. Professor Mosby loves old buildings. 181 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:18,254 He wouldn't do that. Right, Ted? 182 00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:22,393 Getting back to Greek Revival... 183 00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:26,398 - I lost 'em. - Look, you're new at teaching. 184 00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:30,601 In my kindergarten class, I have had plenty of troublesome students... 185 00:08:30,709 --> 00:08:32,939 like Johnny Marley. 186 00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,070 - [Boy Shouting] - [Children Laughing] 187 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,981 Johnny! Johnny! 188 00:08:40,085 --> 00:08:44,215 He and that little stuffed horsey raised all kinds of hell. 189 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:47,622 But I have a simple method for shuttin' down troublemakers. 190 00:08:47,726 --> 00:08:50,889 You know that '98 Taurus that's always parked outside? 191 00:08:50,996 --> 00:08:52,930 The one with the really annoying alarm? 192 00:08:53,031 --> 00:08:54,794 [Together, High Voices] Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! 193 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,094 [Low Voices] Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! 194 00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:58,465 Ooh-wee! Ooh-wee! Ooh-wee! 195 00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:00,800 Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! 196 00:09:00,906 --> 00:09:02,771 Ehh-ehh! Ehh-ehh! 197 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,342 We're familiar with it. 198 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:07,469 Well, when a kid like Johnny acts up in my class... 199 00:09:07,579 --> 00:09:09,774 - [Johnny Shouting] - [Children Laughing] 200 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,975 Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! 201 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,712 Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! 202 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,653 Ehh-ehh! Ehh-ehh! Ehh! 203 00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:20,614 Shuts 'em right up. 204 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,889 Lily, my students are adults, and I treat them that way. 205 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:26,965 I'll just give them more candy and make them a mix CD. Problem solved. 206 00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:29,562 Oh, baby, what's wrong? 207 00:09:30,602 --> 00:09:33,127 Something bad happened. 208 00:09:33,238 --> 00:09:36,173 - [Knocking] - Randy, hey. Have you seen... 209 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:39,210 Before you get to that, regarding the earlier project I was working on... 210 00:09:39,311 --> 00:09:41,302 Voilà. 211 00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:44,576 - That's the Hermanson contract? - The Hermanson contract? 212 00:09:44,683 --> 00:09:47,481 Aw, man, this is the Filbert contract. 213 00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:49,645 - Damn it! - No... 214 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,655 Anyway, what's your thing? 215 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,384 I need the Filbert contract! 216 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:55,392 No! 217 00:09:57,429 --> 00:09:59,920 Well, I'll do what I can... 218 00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:04,093 but in my experience, twice shredded is fairly permanent. 219 00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:07,337 I'm sorry, Randy... 220 00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:09,202 but this just isn't working out. 221 00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,173 Marshall popped his cherry! 222 00:10:11,276 --> 00:10:12,607 - [Cork Pops] - Oh! 223 00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:15,737 Come on, Marshall. You have to admit, the guy was a disaster. 224 00:10:15,847 --> 00:10:18,042 I mean, it reflected badly on the company. 225 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:21,916 He was an embarrassment, a huge embarrassment. 226 00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:24,352 - You slept with Randy! - [Gasps] 227 00:10:24,456 --> 00:10:28,893 - What? - Why it's elementary, my dear "Scherbatson." 228 00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:31,121 Your co-host is getting super popular... 229 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,027 because of her stupid commercial... 230 00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:34,530 Boats! Boats! Boats! 231 00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:37,466 so when you arrived at the GNB party after we left... 232 00:10:37,569 --> 00:10:40,402 you were feeling vulnerable... and drunk. 233 00:10:40,505 --> 00:10:44,373 Then, from across the not-so-crowded conference room... 234 00:10:44,476 --> 00:10:46,239 your eyes met. 235 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,644 And as we all remember... 236 00:10:52,751 --> 00:10:54,981 Randy has a unique condition. 237 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,385 Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet. 238 00:10:57,489 --> 00:10:59,684 Oh, God. This happens every time I get an erection. 239 00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:01,258 I am so sorry. 240 00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,493 That's... 241 00:11:07,432 --> 00:11:09,297 exactly what happened. 242 00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:11,836 See, Marshall? 243 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:14,906 If getting fired is an execution, at least the guy had a last meal. 244 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,737 - Oh, my God. - I promise you, tomorrow you'll feel a lot better. 245 00:11:19,544 --> 00:11:21,739 Randy. Hey, what's goin' on? 246 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,145 I just wanted to say no hard feelings. 247 00:11:24,249 --> 00:11:26,240 [Sighs] Thank you. 248 00:11:26,351 --> 00:11:27,978 So where are you headed now? 249 00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:32,579 Downtown. 250 00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:34,818 [Whirring] 251 00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:37,425 No! 252 00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:40,020 - [Gasps] - It's okay, baby. 253 00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:43,101 [Ted Narrating] It wasn't okay, so the next morning... 254 00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:45,499 Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake. 255 00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,970 - I fired Randy yesterday. - That was a mistake. 256 00:11:48,073 --> 00:11:49,700 You should have fired him a year ago. 257 00:11:49,808 --> 00:11:52,641 No. Sir, that is what's wrong with this company. 258 00:11:52,744 --> 00:11:55,008 How can we say GNB cares... 259 00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:57,377 and then turn around and treat someone like that? 260 00:11:57,482 --> 00:12:00,349 I mean, sure, he made a few mistakes, but everybody makes mistakes. 261 00:12:00,452 --> 00:12:03,387 Like-Like, Tugboat here. A 262 00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:05,115 I bet you he's made some mistakes... 263 00:12:05,223 --> 00:12:07,691 and you didn't fire Tugboat, did you? 264 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,057 No, I got him fixed, and he calmed down. 265 00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,925 Exactly. Kind of. 266 00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:15,227 Randy doesn't need to be fired. He needs to be fixed. 267 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:18,565 Marshall, we do some pretty bad things around here, but I don't... 268 00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:21,798 No, sir. I'm saying instead of getting rid of someone when they screw up... 269 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,705 we should... we should help them. 270 00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:28,143 We should nurture them. Hmm? 271 00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:36,078 I changed the ice pack on his crotch every hour for three days. 272 00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:41,091 Wow. Eriksen, if you want to un-fire Randy, I support you. 273 00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:43,058 Because to come in here and say what you just said... 274 00:12:43,161 --> 00:12:45,823 well, you... you got a couple things that Tugboat doesn't. 275 00:12:47,265 --> 00:12:49,825 [Students Shouting] 276 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:53,427 Guys, Prof Rock is a really good mix, okay? 277 00:12:53,538 --> 00:12:55,870 A piece of New York history is being torn down... 278 00:12:55,974 --> 00:13:00,172 - and all you could say was "boo-freakin'-hoo"? - Boo-f... 279 00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:03,873 I may have mentioned our conversation over a session of hacky sack. 280 00:13:03,982 --> 00:13:07,679 The one day I miss the sack circle, you guys sub her in? 281 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:11,347 Why'd you miss? Too busy tearing down the Statue of Liberty? 282 00:13:11,456 --> 00:13:16,359 No. I was returning a hot dog costume that you all enjoyed. 283 00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:18,258 [Shouting] 284 00:13:18,363 --> 00:13:20,058 [Ted Narrating] They were all turning against me... 285 00:13:20,165 --> 00:13:22,030 so I figured, what the hell. 286 00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:29,438 [High Voice] Woo-woo! Woo-woo! Woo-woo! Woo-woo! 287 00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:30,940 [Low Voice] Woo-woo-woo! 288 00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:32,737 Woo-wooo! Woo-wooo! Woo-wooo! 289 00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:35,642 Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! 290 00:13:35,747 --> 00:13:37,214 And... did it work? 291 00:13:37,315 --> 00:13:39,215 Gangbusters. We're buddies again. 292 00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:43,048 After class, we hacked a little sack to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD. 293 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,453 And, no, none of them had heard the Pixies' B-side. 294 00:13:45,557 --> 00:13:48,958 Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies... or a B-side. 295 00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,721 - Hey, guys. - Uh-oh. 296 00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,626 I know that smile. 297 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:55,666 Lily, there's no easy way to say this. Marshall's dead. 298 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,234 Randy murdered him. 299 00:13:57,335 --> 00:13:59,735 No. I know why Randy is smiling. 300 00:13:59,838 --> 00:14:02,568 You're smiling because of Robin. 301 00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:05,643 Robin? Like, how I think about her when I'm in the shower? 302 00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:07,439 I'm tryin' to eat here, buddy. 303 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:10,344 No. Because you slept with her on Halloween. 304 00:14:10,949 --> 00:14:12,246 What? No. 305 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:15,581 I went home, had a shower and went to bed. 306 00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:17,712 - You didn't sleep with her? - No. 307 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:21,259 Even in the shower, the farthest we ever get is hugging. 308 00:14:21,359 --> 00:14:23,793 So why are you smiling? 309 00:14:23,895 --> 00:14:25,419 I'll tell you why. 310 00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:27,691 This just isn't working out. 311 00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:30,267 [Thinking] I'm fired. Great. 312 00:14:30,368 --> 00:14:33,895 This is the Candle Kiosk at the mall all over again. 313 00:14:34,005 --> 00:14:35,870 Wait a minute. 314 00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:37,737 I get a severance check. 315 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:42,405 If I don't shred it, I could use that money to start my own brewery. 316 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:45,108 Imagine a beer with my name on it. 317 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:48,812 Randy Wharmpess, this is the best day of your life. 318 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,819 Thanks to that severance check... 319 00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:56,655 this time next year, you'll all be enjoying a frothy mug of Wharmpess. 320 00:14:56,761 --> 00:14:58,558 Randy, great news. 321 00:14:58,663 --> 00:15:00,358 You're not fired. 322 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:05,329 No! 323 00:15:08,139 --> 00:15:10,505 Good morning, everybody. 324 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,473 Where's my class? 325 00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:17,980 [Crowd Booing] 326 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,347 Hello, Professor. 327 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,352 Ha! Burn. 328 00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:28,755 I got you your job back, Randy. 329 00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,727 - I thought that you'd be happy. - But I don't belong here. 330 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:34,560 I'm born to be a brewer, a hops meisterl 331 00:15:34,666 --> 00:15:36,691 Well, then quit. No one's stoppin' you. 332 00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:38,826 I can't. I need my severance check. 333 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:42,304 - Well, I'm sorry, Randy, but that's called fraud. - It's not fraud. 334 00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:45,069 I'm just asking you to give me a lot of money to not work here... 335 00:15:45,176 --> 00:15:46,837 and not tell anyone about it. 336 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:49,345 Even if I wanted to fire you, after my talk with Arthur... 337 00:15:49,447 --> 00:15:51,506 Oh, come on. Arthur can't remember that. 338 00:15:51,616 --> 00:15:54,346 Marshall, what a memorable talk we had yesterday. 339 00:15:54,452 --> 00:15:57,421 Randy, on behalf of everyone at GNB... 340 00:15:57,522 --> 00:16:00,286 both in and out of prison, we're sorry. 341 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,952 And I want to assure you, you'll never be fired again. 342 00:16:03,061 --> 00:16:06,553 You're gonna work here until you die. Huh? Huh? 343 00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:09,361 Uh... Green tie? [Clears Throat] 344 00:16:09,467 --> 00:16:12,527 - Uh, nice choice. - Thanks. Brings out my eyes. 345 00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:14,901 Yeah. I'll bring out your eyes. 346 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,608 Listen, Randy, I'm sorry... 347 00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:20,735 but I broke my own moral code once, and I felt evil. 348 00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:22,972 I will not let GNB change me. 349 00:16:23,081 --> 00:16:27,074 I will never fire anyone again, ever! 350 00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:30,211 [Chuckling] Oh, we'll see about that. 351 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:33,416 ## [Chorus Vocalizing, Sinister] 352 00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:35,720 Anyhoo, while I got ya, big smile. 353 00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:39,456 "We care about making dreams come true." In three, two... 354 00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:41,327 No! 355 00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:44,402 - What are you doing? - Oh, are you unhappy with my performance? 356 00:16:44,502 --> 00:16:47,130 I guess I'm fired then. I better turn in my I.D. 357 00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:49,763 You know, it's actually, um... 358 00:16:49,874 --> 00:16:51,671 nice having some of this clutter off my desk... 359 00:16:51,776 --> 00:16:53,243 so thank you, Randy. 360 00:16:58,016 --> 00:16:59,483 Yeah, there's more. 361 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,454 I don't know what I'm gonna use this for, but it's great! 362 00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:06,956 Now am I fired? 363 00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:10,824 I've been meaning to clean out that file cabinet for ages. 364 00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:13,489 I'm not even here. [Whispering] Randy, the coffee. 365 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:18,530 Oh! Okay. Okay. 366 00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,298 Thank you, Randy. 367 00:17:20,405 --> 00:17:22,600 I've been meaning to cut back on my caffeine. 368 00:17:22,707 --> 00:17:24,800 Here, try this. Now really go for it. 369 00:17:24,909 --> 00:17:26,809 Remember, this guy ruined your life. 370 00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:35,943 That's just the pick-me-up I needed. 371 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,113 Speaking of pickups, can we try the first one again? 372 00:17:40,158 --> 00:17:42,786 - [Cell Phone Rings] - [Beeps] 373 00:17:42,894 --> 00:17:44,384 - Hello? - It didn't work. 374 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:46,828 They hate me. How do I get them to like me again? 375 00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:49,126 You don't. Ted, you're their teacher. 376 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,533 - The only people that like their teachers... - I liked my teachers. 377 00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:54,195 are dorks. 378 00:17:54,305 --> 00:17:55,636 Except for you, Miles. 379 00:17:58,009 --> 00:18:00,842 Look, Ted, you just have to learn to embrace their hatred... 380 00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:03,846 because behind that hatred lies fear. 381 00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:06,143 And you can use that fear... 382 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,014 like I did with Johnny Marley. 383 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,384 - Was there more to that story? - Little bit. 384 00:18:24,035 --> 00:18:26,833 [Screams] 385 00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:29,338 [Scream Echoing] 386 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,001 Lily, you're a psychopath. 387 00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,668 Little bit. 388 00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:36,508 Aw, a panda. 389 00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:39,879 [Ted Narrating] I thought about Lily's advice... 390 00:18:39,984 --> 00:18:42,384 and I figured fear was worth a try. 391 00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:47,783 Well, Professor Mosby, is there anything you want to say to us? 392 00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:51,896 Anyone not in class tomorrow gets an "F." 393 00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:56,323 You said that? 394 00:18:56,434 --> 00:18:58,095 Well, technically, they'd get an incomplete... 395 00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:01,764 but I thought "F" had a nice scary ring to it, right? 396 00:19:01,873 --> 00:19:03,033 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 397 00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:05,905 - Robin, who'd you sleep with? - I told you. Randy. 398 00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:07,705 He was... a machine. 399 00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:11,077 Mm-hmm. Where's the poop, Robin? 400 00:19:11,182 --> 00:19:14,083 [Sighs] Fine. I didn't sleep with anyone. 401 00:19:14,185 --> 00:19:17,746 The thing is, ever since Becky did that commercial, everyone at work loves her. 402 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:21,314 So the day after Halloween, I was in a commercial. 403 00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:23,223 What? Why didn't you tell us? 404 00:19:24,395 --> 00:19:26,056 [Male Announcer] Bladder trouble... 405 00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:30,260 it's embarrassing, it's uncomfortable, and it can affect anyone. 406 00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:32,893 I'm going to the bathroom right now. 407 00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:35,165 Neat & Discreet Adult Diapers... 408 00:19:35,273 --> 00:19:36,672 for anyone. 409 00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:38,766 Say... 410 00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,345 "Ahh." 411 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,508 [Bell Tinkles] 412 00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:47,084 - [Laughing] - [Laughing] Wow. 413 00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:49,119 I can't wait to see it. 414 00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:51,814 Hopefully you never will. They said that they might not even use it. 415 00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:53,515 [Ted Narrating] It ran for seven years. 416 00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,092 [Chattering] 417 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:57,821 Okay, you win. 418 00:19:57,929 --> 00:20:00,921 Maybe trashin' your office was a mistake. 419 00:20:01,032 --> 00:20:02,829 It's just, uh... 420 00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:06,131 as long as I can remember, making beer has been my dream. 421 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,166 Wharmpess? 422 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:16,040 I know it sounds dumb to someone who's already achieved his dream... 423 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,047 big-time lawyer at a huge corporation. 424 00:20:18,149 --> 00:20:20,447 You think working here is my dream? 425 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,486 Of course. 426 00:20:22,587 --> 00:20:25,215 Anyways, I'll clean this stuff up... 427 00:20:25,323 --> 00:20:27,553 have someone get that dead squirrel out of your desk. 428 00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:33,060 Randy? 429 00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:34,961 This is delicious. 430 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,025 You're fired. 431 00:20:40,638 --> 00:20:43,334 [Ted Narrating] Kids, the next morning... 432 00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:46,968 my class had the highest attendance ever. 433 00:20:47,078 --> 00:20:48,773 And not long after that... 434 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,644 Randy used his severance money to start a little brewery. 435 00:20:51,749 --> 00:20:55,276 Now you can have a Wharmpess at every bar in America. 436 00:20:55,386 --> 00:20:56,853 And all because... 437 00:20:56,955 --> 00:21:00,447 I care about making dreams come true. 438 00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:03,160 Got what you need? 439 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:05,354 [Barney] Yep. That's a wrap. 440 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:35,426 English - US - SDH