1 00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:04,935 [Ted Narrating] Kids, in the spring of 2011, Zoey and I broke up. 2 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,700 But the good news... Goliath National Bank was finally ready... 3 00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:12,039 to demolish the Arcadian and build the new headquarters I had designed for them. 4 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:13,976 Ho! 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,048 - The only problem was I kept butting heads... - [Camera Shutter Clicks] 6 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:19,209 with my project supervisor on one very important issue. 7 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,344 I want to press the button to blow up the Arcadian! 8 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,046 - I want to press it! - I want to press it! 9 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,886 - I want to press it! - Guys, I dated you both... 10 00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,550 and neither of you is good at pressing... 11 00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,525 or even finding "the button." 12 00:00:29,629 --> 00:00:32,860 After some awkward pawing around, that building's gonna fake an implosion... 13 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,662 say, "Baby, that was great," and go to sleep. 14 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,333 - She means you. - She means you. 15 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,429 - I want to press it. - I want to press it. 16 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:41,837 - I am gonna press the button! - [Shouting, Indistinct] 17 00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,408 It's just a button, okay? 18 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,944 - Can we just talk about something else, please? - [Sighs] 19 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,243 Well, I ran into Zoey yesterday. 20 00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:50,714 - Ooh. - Ooh. 21 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:54,014 That's the first time since the breakup. How's she doing? 22 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,521 I'm still unemployed, so I had to get a couple roommates. 23 00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,592 - Saving money. - [Chuckles] 24 00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:01,660 Making new friends. No downside. 25 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:03,695 They're all 22 and sell drugs. 26 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:08,131 Which means they're not taking them, so that's a win. 27 00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:13,733 Well, I can tell you're really busy, so I should... I'll let you go. 28 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,398 Hey. 29 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,032 You want to get coffee sometime? 30 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:20,044 You know "coffee" is code for "I want to get back together," right? 31 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:24,048 Well, at first I wasn't sure, but then she said something that got me thinking. 32 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,447 I want to get back together. 33 00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,213 - [Both Groan] - Don't worry. 34 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,483 We're not. I just... I feel bad Zoey's having such a hard time. 35 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:34,455 You know what might make you feel better, buddy? 36 00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:36,426 - I'm not letting you press the button. - I want to press the button! 37 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,121 - You're not pressing the button! It's my button! - I'm gonna press... 38 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,290 [Ted Narrating] Sadly, that's all you need to know about my summer. 39 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:44,427 Now around this time, Uncle Marshall was still having a tough time finding a job. 40 00:01:44,537 --> 00:01:46,732 He's out printing up a whole new batch of résumés... 41 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,400 because he misspelled the phrase "detail oriented." 42 00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,443 - Mm. - And when he gets back home... 43 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:54,104 he is gonna find his favorite soup there waiting for him. 44 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:58,173 Aw. That's sweet, Lil, but didn't you guys get food poisoning here one time? 45 00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:02,218 Three times. But they're really nice about it. 46 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:05,689 Their policy is "get sick, get a free gallon of soup." 47 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,919 [Sneezes, Clears Throat] 48 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:14,259 And so Lily dropped off Marshall's surprise soup and headed back to work... 49 00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:17,063 to introduce the new class pet. 50 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,933 This is Mr. Buttons II. 51 00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:22,064 Now, after what happened to Mr. Buttons I... 52 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:24,700 we have to be very gentle with... 53 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,109 [Vomits] 54 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,113 [Groaning] 55 00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:32,518 Marshall! 56 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,191 [All] Ew! 57 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,198 [Panting] 58 00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:52,932 - [Tires Screech] - [Horn Honks] 59 00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,336 Sorry. 60 00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:01,470 [Vomits] 61 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,709 [Groans, Panting] 62 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,082 Don't eat the soup! 63 00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,321 Oh. Thank God. [Panting] 64 00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:18,261 This was about to be my third bowl. 65 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,566 Why shouldn't I eat the soup? 66 00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:25,300 [Retches, Vomits] 67 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:26,895 [Groans] 68 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,432 Why shouldn't I eat the soup? 69 00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:41,445 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 70 00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:43,556 Hey, Mr. Architect! Big day for you tomorrow, huh? 71 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:47,219 Hey, Mr. Architect! Big day for you tomorrow, huh? 72 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,955 Yeah. Getting to stand next to me while I press the button. 73 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,224 That is gonna be legend... wait for it... 74 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,232 dary adjacent. 75 00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:57,098 Legendary adjacent! 76 00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,467 You okay? 77 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,062 Yeah. No. 78 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,904 I... This morning I was talking to the foreman. 79 00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,035 Hey, hotshot. 80 00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:08,739 You know, Rod, um, I'm loving that nickname. 81 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,408 And I can tell it's totally affectionate. 82 00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:13,883 But, uh, I prefer Ted. 83 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,888 Yeah, but you're such a hotshot... 84 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,925 I figured I'd just call you "hotshot." 85 00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:22,893 Pick one. And make sure you like it. 86 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,626 There's gonna be 50,000 of these in your big hotshot building, hotshot. 87 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,732 50,000 lightbulbs. 88 00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,634 I mean, what if this one's too bright? 89 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,001 What if this one flickers... 90 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,075 and gives everyone a weird headache? 91 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:37,642 Do you know how many people it takes... 92 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,769 to change 50,000 lightbulbs? 93 00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,471 Are these people Irish, Polish, blondes? 94 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:42,980 What are we dealing with here? 95 00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,312 There's so many decisions to be made. 96 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:46,749 What if I make all the wrong ones... 97 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,115 and my building just sucks? 98 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,119 Not possible. 99 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,450 Your building is new. 100 00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:51,887 And I have one rule... 101 00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,516 new is always better. 102 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,255 You can't keep saying you have one rule if they're always different rules. 103 00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:59,263 Ah! But "new is always better"... 104 00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,457 is my oldest rule... 105 00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:02,033 which makes it the best. 106 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,394 - Marsh. - Hey, buddy. 107 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,439 - Hey. - Everything okay? 108 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,701 Lily got food poisoning from some soup. 109 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,174 [Groans] 110 00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:12,403 And then I ate the soup... 111 00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:13,979 exactly three hours later... 112 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,604 which means I can see... 113 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,377 exactly three hours into my future. 114 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:24,480 And it doesn't... look... good. 115 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,558 [Marshall] I tried to be supportive. 116 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,560 Oh, baby, can you just hold me, please? 117 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,789 Of course, baby. 118 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,659 [Groans Softly] 119 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,792 But it doesn't help that when Lily gets going... 120 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,633 she sounds like a velociraptor from Jurassic Park. 121 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:44,233 [Loud Roaring, Vomiting] 122 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:49,372 But then I realized a man can do a lot of living in three hours. 123 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:54,647 So I'm out experiencing this beautiful, crazy dance called life. 124 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,982 Ah. My last meal. 125 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,149 MacClaren's famous jalapeño poppers. 126 00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:02,921 My doctor says I need to eat healthier, so I figure the round-trip flight... 127 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,260 these babies are about to take will land them permanently on the no-fry list. 128 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,730 Good-bye, my friend. 129 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,498 It's been a hell of a ride. 130 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,943 I have to... [Whimpers] 131 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,340 Hey, babe. 132 00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,040 The gang says, "Feel better." 133 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,414 Mm, thanks. Wait. 134 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,420 You didn't tell them I had food poisoning, did you? 135 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,046 Um, I... 136 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,786 Marshall, when it's stomach stuff, you just say "under the weather"... 137 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,795 or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things. 138 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:41,628 I know! I just said that you have the sniffles. 139 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:46,034 No one is picturing anything but little red-nosed you... 140 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,369 under a blanky with some hot tea. 141 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:51,204 I wonder what end it's coming out of Lily right now. 142 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,107 - [Laughing] - I bet it's her tushie. 143 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,237 I bet it's both. [Laughs] 144 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,077 [Imitates Explosions] 145 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,912 [Imitates Retching] 146 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:02,476 [Laughs] Hey, speaking of explosions, enough already, Ted! 147 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,055 That button's mine! 148 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,647 Yeah, fine, okay. 149 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,283 I got you this job, so I... Say what? 150 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,387 Whatever. It's yours. I got to run. 151 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:13,726 You... 152 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,495 [Cell Phone Rings] 153 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:18,592 Hello? 154 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,232 Yes, it is. 155 00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:24,468 It's Bloom, Greenberg & Associates. They want me to come interview. 156 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,272 [Loud Roar, Vomiting] 157 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,108 Yes, I know it's risky to go... 158 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,409 but this is the best environmental law firm in New York. 159 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:31,642 It's my dream job. 160 00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,946 [Roaring, Bellowing] 161 00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:37,045 That's a great idea, babe. I'll ask them. 162 00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:40,489 Hey, is it at all possible... Could I come in on Monday? 163 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:45,253 Okay, I'll see you at 5:00. Thank you. 164 00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:49,391 [Roaring, Bellowing] 165 00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,970 I love and believe in you too, baby. 166 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,604 Why would Ted just give up the button like that? 167 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:57,937 - He... - [Cell Phone Chimes] 168 00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,636 And he forgot his phone. [Scoffs] 169 00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:03,440 - "See you in an hour." - Who's that from? 170 00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:06,712 Zoey. They're meeting for coffee. 171 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,788 Ted's getting back together with her. 172 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,362 Why would Ted get back together with Zoey? He's doing great. 173 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:20,523 Well, after a breakup, we all think we're doing great. 174 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:23,568 But sometimes the tiniest trigger can unravel you... 175 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,296 and send you crawling right back. 176 00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:26,928 No. I refuse to believe that Ted... 177 00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:29,064 is getting back together with Zoey because of lightbulbs. 178 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,143 Uh, Ted's gone back for less. 179 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,474 [Air Hissing] 180 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:38,675 Hi. Natalie, you want to get coffee sometime? 181 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:40,411 [Bell Dings] 182 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:43,744 Bro? 183 00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,487 Ted, I only have one rule. 184 00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:49,254 [Sobbing] But I can't reach the worst part. 185 00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:53,523 Hi, Karen. Want to get coffee sometime? 186 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,328 [Bell Dings] 187 00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:56,901 [Man On TV] Coming up next... 188 00:08:57,003 --> 00:09:00,962 our two local pandas, Ming Ming and Bao Bao, are expecting a baby. 189 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:03,871 - Robin, you want to get coffee sometime? - [Blows Raspberry] 190 00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:05,443 Get it together, bro. 191 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,671 According to my calculations, at 6:00 p.m... 192 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:14,446 my body is gonna pay out like the most disgusting slot machine in the world. 193 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,887 That gives me two hours to go do the interview and still get back in time. 194 00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,356 Oh, but, baby, what if you hit the jackpot early? 195 00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:24,020 Oh, don't worry. I'll be prepared. 196 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:27,691 ## [Drumming: March] 197 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,366 [Exhales] 198 00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,204 [Sloshing] 199 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,541 [Both Laugh] 200 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,842 Well, I'm talking your ear off. Sorry. 201 00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,145 Is there anything I can do for you, sweetie? 202 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,056 Can I borrow... 203 00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:53,921 an adult diaper? 204 00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,086 We gotta stop Ted. Where are they meeting? 205 00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:01,394 Okay, Zoey wrote, "Meet me at 6:00 where it all began... 206 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,627 where you gave me the orchid at the intersection." 207 00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:05,897 Well, that's good. All we have to do is think back... 208 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,303 to the time Ted told us about his first date with Zoey. 209 00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:11,501 Amazing first date with Zoey. We met at the intersection... 210 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,842 [Trombone Squawking] 211 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,347 - Aw! That's sweet. - Totally. 212 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,283 - You weren't listening either? - I was in a coma. 213 00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:23,014 I mean, who pays attention to that sappy romantic crap? 214 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,919 - [Scoffs] Lily! - Lily! 215 00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,424 Yeah, I wasn't listening either. 216 00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:30,086 Ted really can go on about a bitch. 217 00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:33,927 - Great. He could be anywhere, and we're flat out of clues. - I... 218 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,864 Hey, wait! Ted left a message. 219 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:39,301 I couldn't hear it 'cause I was in the bathroom... blowing my nose. 220 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,100 I have the sniffles. 221 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,606 [Beeps] 222 00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,300 - [Ted] Hey, Lily. Hope you're feeling better. - [Man Chattering] 223 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,935 Marshall told us you're exploding from both ends like a busted fire hydrant. 224 00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:49,537 - [Stifled Laugh] - Damn it, Marshall. 225 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,447 Anyway, listen. I was gonna get back together with Zoey today... 226 00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:55,884 but then I came to my senses on the way out here, so... 227 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,580 - False alarm. - [Laughs] 228 00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:01,217 Oh, crap. I just stepped in some gum. 229 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,227 - I'm getting back together with Zoeyl - [Machine Beeps] 230 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,229 [Sighs] Okay, we're never gonna find him. 231 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,823 Hey, wait, wait, wait! That was a subway announcement in the background. 232 00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:09,730 I speak conductor. 233 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,462 - [Beeps] - Hey, Lily. 234 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:13,197 - Hope you're feeling better. Marshall told us... - [Man Chattering] 235 00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:15,899 Got it. Ted's at... 236 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:18,838 Lil... 237 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:21,640 [Loud Roaring] 238 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:22,873 [Laughs] 239 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:24,472 [Lily] Ah-choo! 240 00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:26,380 Ted's at Smith and 9th Street. 241 00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,419 - Then that's the intersection. - That's in Brooklyn. 242 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,513 - How are we ever gonna get there in time? - Way ahead of you. 243 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,155 Hello! 244 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,026 Marshall! Jake Bloom. Great to meet you. 245 00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:43,829 - Hello. Hi. - Hey. Oh, I'm sorry about the stench. 246 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:47,235 We're suing a factory that's been dumping raw sewage into a local marshland. 247 00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:48,829 - [Chuckles] - Yeah. Ten minutes ago... 248 00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:52,104 I was knee-deep in liquefied human feces. 249 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,078 And that was just on the F train. [Laughs] 250 00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,115 [Forced Laugh] 251 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,616 I can't believe Ted's getting back together with Zoey. 252 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,688 - I know. They were a total train wreck. - Unmitigated disaster. 253 00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,722 Worst couple ever. 254 00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:05,791 - Yeah. - [Laughs] 255 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,449 Almost as bad as us. 256 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,050 [Laughs] 257 00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:10,992 - We were a mess. - [Laughs] 258 00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:13,190 Do you remember how awful I looked by the end? 259 00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:17,736 My hair was falling out. My skin was gray. My back was hunched. 260 00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:19,202 What about me? 261 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:22,741 I got so fat, at the end of the date you'd unhook my bra. 262 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:26,039 [Laughs] You were the only boyfriend I ever motorboated. 263 00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,204 [Both Laugh] 264 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:31,579 Thank God we're not sentimental saps who panic and get back together. 265 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:32,708 Seriously. 266 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,547 Why would people do that? 267 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,984 I guess I get it. 268 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,251 What do you mean? 269 00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:43,328 Well, no matter how bad things got... 270 00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:49,400 Ted really did love Zoey for a minute there, didn't he? 271 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,965 Yeah. He did. 272 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,647 And... she loved him too. 273 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,082 Didn't she? 274 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,150 Yeah, she did. 275 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,790 [Tires Screech] 276 00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,484 [Clears Throat] 277 00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:16,993 Smith and 9th Street. 278 00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,723 [Mouth Full] So, let me show you... 279 00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:21,925 some of the gut-wrenching environmental atrocities... 280 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,695 that we are working to stop, okay? 281 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,100 Mmm. [Smacks Lips] 282 00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:27,934 - Here. Pop quiz. - [Clicks On] 283 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,940 What is that? 284 00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:31,805 [Winces] That's a seal. 285 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:33,435 Bingo. Yes. 286 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,709 A bloated seal corpse rotting in industrial waste. 287 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:37,976 Mm-hmm. 288 00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:40,074 Now, wait till you see what we found... 289 00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,017 when we cut him open. 290 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,520 [Clicks] 291 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,090 - Okay, where the hell are they? - Maybe this isn't the intersection. 292 00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:47,955 Well, maybe it is and we're too late. 293 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:50,426 Man, I wish we'd gotten to Brooklyn sooner. 294 00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,053 [Man] I know, right? 295 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:56,464 Ever since the Trader Joe's opened up, Brooklyn is so... whatever. 296 00:13:57,736 --> 00:13:59,465 Wait. Where'd you get that? 297 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,904 Across the street. At The Intersection. 298 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,468 So, um... 299 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:09,537 you guys wanna buy some weed or... 300 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,817 She's alone. There's still time. But where the hell is Ted? 301 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:25,124 Wait a minute. On their first date, he brought her an orchid. 302 00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,631 How much do you wanna bet he's gonna do it again? 303 00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:29,064 - Brilliant. - Right? 304 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:30,897 But wait. He had a huge head start on us. 305 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:32,470 There's no way he's still in there... 306 00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:35,005 unless he spent half an hour picking out the perfect orchid. 307 00:14:35,107 --> 00:14:36,836 Thanks, Julia. 308 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,374 You know what? 309 00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:43,175 Let me see the pink lady's slipper again. 310 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,216 Now, you know what that is? 311 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:51,483 A pile of rotting seagull carcasses... 312 00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,581 covered in toxic sludge. 313 00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:55,023 - Being eaten by rats. - Mm-hmm. 314 00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,526 Exactly. 315 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,893 Now this next slide... Oh. [Chuckles] 316 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,796 I'm sorry. That's my wife's water birth. 317 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,926 I don't know how that got in there. 318 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,037 [Sighs] 319 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:09,539 Anyway, that's all my questions. 320 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,367 [Thinking] Oh, my God. I made it. 321 00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:16,073 Now just shake his hand, clench your very soul and run like hell. 322 00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,309 Mm. Now, I like to set aside 20 minutes... 323 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,148 at the end of every interview for your questions. 324 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:26,054 So don't hold back. Whatever you got inside there, you just let 'er rip. 325 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,396 I can't do this anymore. I'm just gonna tell him the truth. 326 00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,689 When it's stomach stuff, you just say "under the weather"... 327 00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:39,134 or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things. 328 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,830 I have food poisoning... 329 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,035 and I'm about to start volcanoing toxic sludge out of both ends. 330 00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:46,236 Nailed it. 331 00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:52,140 Thanks, Julia! 332 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:53,843 [Sighs] 333 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,420 No. On second thought... 334 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:56,920 - No! - [Shouts] 335 00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:58,922 - [Grunting] Come on! - What the hell? 336 00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:00,548 You can't get back together with Zoey... 337 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:02,286 just because you're freaking out over a lightbulb. 338 00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:04,453 I'm not freaking out over a lightbulb. 339 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:07,225 I'm freaking out over 50,000 lightbulbs! 340 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,028 I can't do this. 341 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,602 I only got this job because you gave it to me, Barney. 342 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,365 I didn't earn it. 343 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,634 Look, Ted, the future is scary. 344 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:21,372 But you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. 345 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,512 Yes, it's tempting. 346 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,410 But... 347 00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,146 it's a mistake. 348 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:30,812 [Sighs] 349 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,122 [Sighs] You're right. 350 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,228 Um, excuse me. 351 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,127 Can you give this to the blonde sitting alone in there... 352 00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:43,065 and tell her Ted's really sorry? 353 00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:45,365 Also... 354 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,063 Indirect sunlight. Don't overwater. 355 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,868 Half a cup a week is more than enough. 356 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:02,478 [No Audible Dialogue] 357 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,489 No. Um... 358 00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:06,819 Hi. 359 00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,586 [Ted Narrating] And, kids... 360 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,929 That's how I met your mother. 361 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,899 Psych. It was just some chick. 362 00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:21,238 Hey, baby. How'd it go? 363 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,001 - Lily, this year... - [Briefcase Clatters] 364 00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:28,068 this nasty, school-yard bully of a year... will not stop punching me in the face. 365 00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,512 How did we kick off 2011? 366 00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,174 My dad died. 367 00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:36,118 And now after five months of unemployment, I just blew my dream job. 368 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:39,190 Good news is, in a few seconds, I'm gonna start heaving my guts out... 369 00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,350 because that's what life is for me now... 370 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:44,861 just losing what's inside until I'm just empty. 371 00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:46,362 Baby, come here. 372 00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:50,699 I just wanna shut my eyes for a few seconds before it starts. 373 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,136 [Sighs] 374 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,807 [Ted Narrating] And Marshall slept. 375 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,147 All night. 376 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,323 Okay, hotshot. 377 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,892 Mr. Stinson. 378 00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:25,401 Who's going to do the honors? 379 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,594 He is. 380 00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:28,968 Are you sure? 381 00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:31,474 Yeah. You earned it. 382 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:35,371 All clear. 383 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:37,415 [Exhales] 384 00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:39,172 Hey. 385 00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,411 New is always better, right? 386 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:43,646 Always. 387 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:46,754 Ten... 388 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,588 nine, eight... 389 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:52,653 Lily. It's a miracle. I didn't get sick. 390 00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:54,459 I... I didn't get sick. 391 00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,363 I know, baby. 392 00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,094 I'm pregnant. 393 00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:02,673 - ## [Alternative Rock] - [Exhales] 394 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,656 [Man] # Let it roll across the floor # 395 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:29,628 # Through the hole and out the door # 396 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,334 # To the fountain of perpetual # 397 00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:36,566 You know, I'm proud of you for giving Ted the button. 398 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:39,701 - It meant a lot. - It's just a button. 399 00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:41,802 [Mock Crying] Can we talk about something else, please? 400 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,677 [Laughs] 401 00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:46,216 ## [Continues] 402 00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:47,808 - I don't... - But you need to. 403 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,518 - Nora. - Hi. 404 00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:52,055 How have you been? 405 00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:53,590 Fine. 406 00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:59,489 Hey, look. I don't know why you would possibly say yes to this... 407 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:03,159 but would you want to grab a cup of coffee with me sometime? 408 00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:06,835 Twenty minutes. I was such a jerk to you. 409 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:10,238 You can spend the entire time calling me every dirty name in the book. 410 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:13,277 I speak four languages. I'm gonna need more than 20 minutes. 411 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,614 I'll call you. 412 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,774 You look beautiful, by the way. 413 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,444 And here I thought it was too late for sundresses. 414 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,578 It's never too late, Barney. 415 00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:28,858 Challenge accepted. 416 00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,828 ## [Continues] 417 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,709 Best man, you're being summoned. 418 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,402 Geez. What now? 419 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,678 # Let it roll # 420 00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:52,807 I heard the groom needed me. 421 00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:55,512 # Let it roll # 422 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,714 What do you think of this tie? 423 00:20:58,590 --> 00:20:59,784 # Let it roll ## 424 00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:25,817 English - US - SDH