1 00:00:01,446 --> 00:00:04,400 By the fall of 2011, technology had taken 2 00:00:04,401 --> 00:00:07,569 a lot of the intrigue out of life. 3 00:00:08,635 --> 00:00:11,953 The Internet had everyone's wall of information. 4 00:00:13,321 --> 00:00:16,540 Nothing was a mystery anymore. 5 00:00:18,993 --> 00:00:20,937 But, kids, there was a time before that, 6 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,405 way back in the dark ages. 7 00:00:23,407 --> 00:00:24,806 Are you people insane?! 8 00:00:24,808 --> 00:00:27,293 The most popular food in America is the cheeseburger! 9 00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:28,777 No way! It's pizza! 10 00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:31,997 Are we forgetting about a certain Mr. Furter, 11 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,582 first name Frank? 12 00:00:33,584 --> 00:00:35,984 Um, what did every kid bring in their lunchbox 13 00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:38,153 every day till grade eight? 14 00:00:38,155 --> 00:00:39,821 Pancakes with maple syrup. 15 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,091 Thanks, Canada. 16 00:00:42,093 --> 00:00:44,843 We're looking for a food the average American eats. 17 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,328 - Yeah. Yeah. - Oh! 18 00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:47,630 Chinese food. 19 00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:50,099 And then came the smartphone. 20 00:00:52,001 --> 00:00:53,269 Hey, remember 21 00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:56,689 when we were arguing about the most popular food? 22 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,974 It's bread. 23 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,726 Hm. 24 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,112 And the barroom debate was dead. 25 00:01:03,114 --> 00:01:05,180 You guys are idiots! 26 00:01:05,182 --> 00:01:07,983 Okay, not completely dead. You are seriously telling me 27 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,485 you don't want to open that envelope 28 00:01:09,487 --> 00:01:11,687 and find out if you're having a boy or a girl? 29 00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:15,374 Nope. Dr. Sonya only gave us this in case we wanted to know. 30 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,076 But we don't. 31 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,745 Lilypad and I are just gonna wait till that baby pops out 32 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,130 and enjoy the big surprise. 33 00:01:21,132 --> 00:01:23,832 Look, I have pretended to be a licensed therapist 34 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:26,001 enough times to know there is something unhealthy 35 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,836 about your not wanting to find out. 36 00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,089 - Back me up here, Kev. - No, no, no, no, no. 37 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:33,425 This real therapist won't risk upsetting 38 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:37,146 his wonderful new girlfriend by analyzing her wonderful friends. 39 00:01:38,148 --> 00:01:40,983 No matter how mentally unbalanced they may be. 40 00:01:40,985 --> 00:01:42,101 I hear you. 41 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,719 I don't think you do. 42 00:01:43,721 --> 00:01:46,655 We just don't want to burden our little angel 43 00:01:46,657 --> 00:01:49,992 with all kinds of gender-specific expectations. 44 00:01:49,994 --> 00:01:52,695 Boys can do ballet; girls can play football. 45 00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:54,505 Hell, the Green Bay Packers have been 46 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:55,730 proving that for years. 47 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,420 That would've gotten a big laugh at a sports bar. 48 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:03,422 Well, I say define gender roles early. 49 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,674 All the other girls got a pretty dress 50 00:02:05,676 --> 00:02:08,294 and a cake when they turned 14. 51 00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:09,595 Me... 52 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,847 I want to go home, Daddy! 53 00:02:11,849 --> 00:02:15,684 That direction is nothing but wolves. 54 00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:21,440 And 40 kilometers that way is the mining town of Smithers. 55 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,259 I'd take my chances with the wolves. 56 00:02:26,529 --> 00:02:29,481 I'll see you in three days. 57 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,234 Well, wait, wh-what am I supposed to eat? 58 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:35,287 Hey, you've got a knife, the forest is full of animals-- 59 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,072 what do you want, a buffet? 60 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,991 Papa...! 61 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:42,161 Happy birthday, son...! 62 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,998 Got any thoughts on that, Doc? 63 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,867 If you guys think I'm going near that, you're crazy. 64 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,836 Why'd you emphasize "you're"? 65 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,113 No reason. You're pretty. 66 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,001 By the way, do you guys want to come over tomorrow night 67 00:03:08,026 --> 00:03:09,226 for sangria and tapas? 68 00:03:09,407 --> 00:03:11,240 Si. Muchas gracias. That sounds awesome. 69 00:03:11,242 --> 00:03:12,858 Great. We're also gonna paint the nursery. 70 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,744 Oh, and a quick update on the sangria and tapas-- 71 00:03:15,746 --> 00:03:17,413 that's cancelled. Mmm... 72 00:03:17,415 --> 00:03:18,447 Guess what smooth son of a bitch 73 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:21,149 just picked up a girl at the bar? 74 00:03:21,151 --> 00:03:23,085 Barney, you're cheating on Nora already? 75 00:03:23,087 --> 00:03:24,520 No, guys, it's me. 76 00:03:24,522 --> 00:03:26,321 Janet McIntyre. 77 00:03:26,323 --> 00:03:27,506 Struck up a conversation at the bar 78 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,591 while ordering, she guessed bread right away, 79 00:03:29,593 --> 00:03:31,985 we laughed, it was a thing, boom, going 80 00:03:31,986 --> 00:03:33,159 out tomorrow night. 81 00:03:33,164 --> 00:03:36,598 - So, she said yes just like that? - Just like that. 82 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,788 There's something wrong with her. 83 00:03:37,813 --> 00:03:39,013 No, no, no, no. 84 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,335 Stop it. They always do this. 85 00:03:40,337 --> 00:03:42,554 Every time I go on a first date, 86 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,890 they snap right into research mode. 87 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,358 It started by accident. 88 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,811 Ooh. 89 00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:51,029 Hello? 90 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,232 Ted, we did a little Internet research 91 00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,533 on your Mia Plumley. 92 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:55,751 We just sent you 93 00:03:55,753 --> 00:03:57,152 a picture of her from six months ago. 94 00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,138 I don't understand-- is Mia standing behind 95 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:02,541 this morbidly obese wo... Oh, my God! 96 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:05,026 They had cookies and cream. 97 00:04:05,028 --> 00:04:07,212 And what you were saying about how women feel 98 00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,698 they have to starve themselves makes so much sense. 99 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:13,051 Ooh, hot dogs. Score! 100 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,254 After that, background checks 101 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:18,173 became standard operating procedure. 102 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,259 The date with Nadine went great. 103 00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,144 Unless you guys found something. 104 00:04:22,146 --> 00:04:23,729 Are you sitting down? 105 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,714 No. 106 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:31,520 She's wanted in Florida on crystal meth charges. 107 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:34,440 She breeds pit bulls for dog fighting. 108 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,275 - Also, the FBI... - What's this link? 109 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,327 Oh, she also writes online movie reviews. 110 00:04:38,329 --> 00:04:41,396 Anyway, she's still married to a death row inmate convicted... 111 00:04:41,398 --> 00:04:44,399 She gave Annie Hall two out of ten stars? 112 00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:46,702 "Slow and overrated"? 113 00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:49,254 Really? That's your takeaway? 114 00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:51,423 It's the Wood Man at the height of his powers. 115 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,376 The way he broke the fourth wall by talking directly to camera? 116 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,261 People have been ripping that off ever since. 117 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,882 Can you believe this guy? 118 00:04:59,884 --> 00:05:01,350 Paula Vincenzo. 119 00:05:01,352 --> 00:05:02,801 She's in the bathroom. 120 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:03,752 What's wrong with her? 121 00:05:03,754 --> 00:05:05,721 Total psycho. Her Facebook wall 122 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:08,924 has a link to a site about dating inanimate objects. 123 00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:10,926 For most of last year, she was engaged... 124 00:05:10,928 --> 00:05:13,278 to a mini fridge. And there's pictures: 125 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,314 her and the mini fridge on a hike, 126 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,366 her and the mini fridge in wine country, 127 00:05:17,368 --> 00:05:19,151 here's the mini fridge meeting her parents... 128 00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,903 Run like the wind. 129 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:26,492 So... want to go back to my place? 130 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,544 Yeah, all right. 131 00:05:30,446 --> 00:05:32,226 Well, thanks to us, you ran screaming from 132 00:05:32,251 --> 00:05:33,451 that freak show, right? 133 00:05:33,551 --> 00:05:35,801 - Absolutely. - Cuckoo! 134 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,004 So what's the problem? 135 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,055 You need us. 136 00:05:40,057 --> 00:05:41,289 No, I don't, okay? 137 00:05:41,291 --> 00:05:42,774 I don't want a background check. 138 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,843 I want adventure and excitement. 139 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,261 Look, if it's a choice 140 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,113 between mystery and history, 141 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,148 I want mystery. 142 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,550 In fact... 143 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,151 Ted, I wouldn't... 144 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,320 Uh, Janet. 145 00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:57,523 I have a theory. People don't get the chance 146 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,791 to just discover each other anymore, so... 147 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:00,826 here's my idea. 148 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,244 Before we go out tomorrow, 149 00:06:02,246 --> 00:06:04,997 let's not do any prior Internet research on each other. 150 00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:07,566 It sounds like I'm hiding something horrible, doesn't it? 151 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,034 I'm pretty sure you're a serial killer. 152 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,318 I'm not. I'm not. 153 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,337 It's just, you know, like, when my parents met, 154 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,322 they didn't have the Internet-- they just went out 155 00:06:14,324 --> 00:06:16,208 on a blind date and fell in love. 156 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,093 That's nice. And they're still together? 157 00:06:18,095 --> 00:06:19,177 Right up to the divorce. 158 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:22,264 The point is, I'd love to get to know you 159 00:06:22,266 --> 00:06:24,566 in person, not on my computer. 160 00:06:24,568 --> 00:06:26,518 I like that. What started out 161 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,937 sounding really creepy turned out really sweet. 162 00:06:28,939 --> 00:06:32,107 That's kind of my move. 163 00:06:32,109 --> 00:06:33,559 And she was 164 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,761 on board with the whole "no Internet" thing? 165 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,729 She loved it. 166 00:06:38,681 --> 00:06:39,865 The bitch is hiding something. 167 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,733 The bitch is totally hiding something. 168 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,378 Hey, Ted, before you leave-- 169 00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:50,197 is Janet McIntyre M-A-C or M-C? 170 00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:52,233 For the last time, I don't want to know 171 00:06:52,235 --> 00:06:53,834 anything about her before the date. 172 00:06:53,836 --> 00:06:56,754 You might want to see this, Ted-- naked pictures. 173 00:06:56,756 --> 00:06:58,589 That's not Janet. 174 00:06:58,591 --> 00:07:00,374 Who, now? 175 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,143 Seriously... 176 00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:05,262 if you guys respect me as a friend... 177 00:07:05,264 --> 00:07:06,814 stop looking. 178 00:07:11,119 --> 00:07:13,654 Well, Ted was pretty clear there, so... 179 00:07:13,656 --> 00:07:14,888 let's shut those laptops 180 00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:17,391 and go help Lily and Marshall, just like we promised. 181 00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:18,859 Let's leave 182 00:07:18,861 --> 00:07:22,413 the laptops here and go paint that baby room. 183 00:07:23,782 --> 00:07:25,766 Without laptops. 184 00:07:25,768 --> 00:07:27,418 Or bring the laptops. Either way. 185 00:07:27,420 --> 00:07:29,903 This is exciting. 186 00:07:29,905 --> 00:07:31,405 I give you... 187 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,258 the color our child will grow up with. 188 00:07:34,260 --> 00:07:37,511 Yellow, like the sun. 189 00:07:37,513 --> 00:07:40,247 Or daughter. Pun snuggle. 190 00:07:40,249 --> 00:07:44,135 Oh, God, this room's about to get its first spit-up. 191 00:07:44,137 --> 00:07:46,270 Just open the envelope already! 192 00:07:46,272 --> 00:07:48,522 Kevin, will you please tell Barney that it is 193 00:07:48,524 --> 00:07:51,358 perfectly normal for us to want to preserve the mystery. 194 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,861 I'm not here to analyze; I'm here to win boyfriend points. 195 00:07:53,863 --> 00:07:56,814 By the way, you all look great, especially Robin. 196 00:07:56,816 --> 00:07:58,949 Come on, if you don't know the gender, 197 00:07:58,951 --> 00:08:01,485 you're gonna get generic crap at the baby shower. 198 00:08:01,487 --> 00:08:03,370 But if you do know the gender, 199 00:08:03,372 --> 00:08:06,240 you'll get, oh, I don't know, this! 200 00:08:06,242 --> 00:08:07,792 Marshall! Lights! 201 00:08:08,627 --> 00:08:10,628 Okay. 202 00:08:12,298 --> 00:08:15,232 When little Jack's not turning double plays, 203 00:08:15,234 --> 00:08:17,017 he's turning heads with this 204 00:08:17,019 --> 00:08:19,069 home run of an outfit! 205 00:08:19,071 --> 00:08:21,088 And if it's a little girl... 206 00:08:21,090 --> 00:08:24,625 This royal ensemble may leave you speechless, 207 00:08:24,627 --> 00:08:26,260 but it's sure to make little Sally say, 208 00:08:26,262 --> 00:08:29,480 "I wuv you, Mommy, and I wuv my dress, 209 00:08:29,482 --> 00:08:33,134 and I would love to see you in the shower." 210 00:08:33,136 --> 00:08:35,486 Sorry, I kind of fell out of character in that last part. 211 00:08:35,488 --> 00:08:38,506 But if you don't know the gender... 212 00:08:38,508 --> 00:08:42,026 Little Fran is sure to be the pariah of the playground 213 00:08:42,028 --> 00:08:45,296 in this hermaphroditic burlap sack. 214 00:08:45,298 --> 00:08:47,398 ♪ ♪ 215 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,866 Marshall! Lights! 216 00:08:51,086 --> 00:08:52,503 Barney, 217 00:08:52,505 --> 00:08:54,955 you don't really care abo'. 218 00:08:54,957 --> 00:08:55,706 No. You just 219 00:08:55,708 --> 00:08:56,690 can't stand 220 00:08:56,692 --> 00:08:58,259 not knowing something. 221 00:08:58,261 --> 00:09:00,211 That's ridiculous! 222 00:09:00,929 --> 00:09:01,929 Marshall, will you... 223 00:09:01,931 --> 00:09:03,447 will you hold these for a second? 224 00:09:03,449 --> 00:09:04,548 Yeah, sure. Why? 225 00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:06,383 Because I gots to know! 226 00:09:06,385 --> 00:09:08,435 Oh, Barney, no! Help! Get him off of me! 227 00:09:08,437 --> 00:09:11,055 Everybody hold it! Hold it! 228 00:09:11,057 --> 00:09:14,141 I found Janet McIntyre, who's been widowed three times. 229 00:09:14,143 --> 00:09:16,227 She's obviously killing her husbands! 230 00:09:16,229 --> 00:09:18,863 Oh, my God! 231 00:09:18,865 --> 00:09:20,481 They're six minutes into the date. 232 00:09:20,483 --> 00:09:22,816 Ted's probably already told her that he loves her! 233 00:09:22,818 --> 00:09:24,368 We've got to get down there! 234 00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:28,155 Nobody's going anywhere! 235 00:09:28,157 --> 00:09:29,189 Why?! 236 00:09:29,191 --> 00:09:30,708 Kids, at that moment, 237 00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:32,693 Kevin thought back to his earlier rule... 238 00:09:32,695 --> 00:09:35,045 This real therapist won't risk 239 00:09:35,047 --> 00:09:37,197 upsetting his wonderful new girlfriend 240 00:09:37,199 --> 00:09:39,366 by analyzing her wonderful friends. 241 00:09:39,368 --> 00:09:41,068 ...and threw it out the window. 242 00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:43,304 You're all the most codependent, incestuous, 243 00:09:43,306 --> 00:09:45,639 controlling group of people I've ever met! 244 00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:50,427 By the way, you all look great, especially Robin. 245 00:09:50,429 --> 00:09:52,546 Oh, mm-mm. 246 00:09:54,399 --> 00:09:57,184 This is so great. 247 00:09:57,186 --> 00:09:59,052 Right? See, if we'd researched each other, 248 00:09:59,054 --> 00:10:01,155 we'd both be secretly steering the conversation 249 00:10:01,157 --> 00:10:02,489 one way or the other. 250 00:10:02,491 --> 00:10:03,908 But this is more exciting, right? 251 00:10:03,910 --> 00:10:05,025 Way more exciting. 252 00:10:05,027 --> 00:10:07,077 I mean, we can talk about anything we want. 253 00:10:07,079 --> 00:10:09,413 Anything. 254 00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:13,900 So... 255 00:10:14,719 --> 00:10:17,121 ...how was the traffic getting here? 256 00:10:17,123 --> 00:10:19,173 You picked me up at my apartment. 257 00:10:20,041 --> 00:10:21,625 I certainly did. 258 00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:24,128 Oh, my God, 259 00:10:24,130 --> 00:10:26,913 I've lost the ability to talk to girls without the Internet. 260 00:10:26,915 --> 00:10:29,350 My brain is completely shutting down. 261 00:10:29,352 --> 00:10:31,918 So, are you folks gonna have dinner or just drinks? 262 00:10:33,222 --> 00:10:34,921 I-I don't know. 263 00:10:35,724 --> 00:10:38,225 What the hell was that, Kevin? 264 00:10:38,227 --> 00:10:39,443 We're all crazy just because 265 00:10:39,445 --> 00:10:40,945 I'm looking up some stuff on the Internet, 266 00:10:40,947 --> 00:10:42,929 and Barney wants to know the baby's gender? 267 00:10:42,931 --> 00:10:45,532 Well, to be honest, 268 00:10:45,534 --> 00:10:47,701 I noticed some other disturbing... 269 00:10:48,653 --> 00:10:50,437 Never mind. 270 00:10:50,439 --> 00:10:51,822 It's nothing. I'm sorry. 271 00:10:51,824 --> 00:10:53,457 I gots to know! 272 00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:55,793 Okay, last night alone... 273 00:10:55,795 --> 00:10:58,212 When-When are you coming back? 274 00:10:58,214 --> 00:11:00,631 Because I miss you, silly! 275 00:11:03,218 --> 00:11:04,385 Wait, who's he talking to? 276 00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:06,553 Shh, I'll be back soon. 277 00:11:06,555 --> 00:11:08,455 Yeah, you want me to bring you a pretzel? 278 00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:13,227 Ted's texting me from the bathroom. 279 00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:16,430 Oh. 280 00:11:16,432 --> 00:11:17,598 I don't get it. 281 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,817 - It's just a "C" with an apostrophe. - Oh. 282 00:11:19,819 --> 00:11:20,851 Oh, yeah. 283 00:11:20,853 --> 00:11:23,270 Sometimes when one of us is on the can, 284 00:11:23,272 --> 00:11:25,823 we'll, uh, sneak a peek and then text each other, 285 00:11:25,825 --> 00:11:27,825 you know. 286 00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:31,478 Symbols to describe what your bowel movement looks like? 287 00:11:32,981 --> 00:11:36,867 This morning, I took an ampersand. 288 00:11:36,869 --> 00:11:38,485 Last summer, I dropped a deuce 289 00:11:38,487 --> 00:11:40,754 that actually looked like the number two! 290 00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:46,593 When you worked late Wednesday, 291 00:11:46,595 --> 00:11:50,764 I... I got lonely and... 292 00:11:50,766 --> 00:11:54,000 I watched Survivor without you. 293 00:11:56,005 --> 00:11:58,105 Practically the only unhealthy behavior I didn't see 294 00:11:58,107 --> 00:12:00,724 from you people was physical violence. 295 00:12:07,849 --> 00:12:09,316 Yeah. 296 00:12:09,318 --> 00:12:10,734 At least we don't do that. 297 00:12:11,870 --> 00:12:13,153 And to top it off, 298 00:12:13,155 --> 00:12:14,988 all the meddling in Ted's love life, 299 00:12:14,990 --> 00:12:16,356 not to mention Lily's pregnancy? 300 00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:19,693 It all strikes me as just deeply dysfunctional. 301 00:12:20,662 --> 00:12:22,880 So what you're saying is, we're fine? 302 00:12:25,918 --> 00:12:28,585 So, while this font is often 303 00:12:28,587 --> 00:12:30,554 mistaken for Helvetica, 304 00:12:30,556 --> 00:12:34,007 the fact is... 305 00:12:34,009 --> 00:12:36,810 it's Helvetica Bold. 306 00:12:37,595 --> 00:12:39,546 I can actually hear the sound 307 00:12:39,548 --> 00:12:42,282 of her vagina being boarded up. 308 00:12:43,768 --> 00:12:45,486 I got to be honest, Janet. 309 00:12:45,488 --> 00:12:48,572 First of all... this is Times New Roman. 310 00:12:49,441 --> 00:12:50,891 Second, I'm having trouble 311 00:12:50,893 --> 00:12:52,860 coming up with things to talk about. 312 00:12:52,862 --> 00:12:54,728 You? I'm sitting here thinking, 313 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:57,948 "Damn it, I wish I had something as good as that font thing. 314 00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:59,416 That's gold." 315 00:12:59,418 --> 00:13:01,452 Guys, I'm so sorry I said anything. 316 00:13:01,454 --> 00:13:05,038 Um, you basically called my friends mentally ill. 317 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,541 Yeah, you think some lame apology will fix that? 318 00:13:07,543 --> 00:13:10,260 What if I just paint the rest of the room by myself? 319 00:13:10,262 --> 00:13:12,679 Apology accepted. 320 00:13:12,681 --> 00:13:14,047 Okay, let's do this. 321 00:13:14,049 --> 00:13:15,682 Let-Let's find out each other's likes and dislikes. 322 00:13:15,684 --> 00:13:16,884 Start with something totally random. 323 00:13:16,886 --> 00:13:18,469 Like, um, oh, I don't know. 324 00:13:18,471 --> 00:13:21,254 Are you a fan of-- I don't know-- 325 00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:23,273 Annie Hall? 326 00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:26,226 I'm guessing that's not random at all, and you use that movie 327 00:13:26,228 --> 00:13:28,145 to test whether a girl is cool? 328 00:13:28,147 --> 00:13:29,863 No, it's-it's the first movie that popped into... 329 00:13:29,865 --> 00:13:31,565 I love Annie Hall. Oh, thank God you're cool. 330 00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:33,400 But just as things started 331 00:13:33,402 --> 00:13:35,452 to go well with Janet McIntyre... 332 00:13:35,454 --> 00:13:37,738 Whoa. I just found Janet McIntyre. 333 00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:39,957 The Janet McIntyre. 334 00:13:46,164 --> 00:13:50,000 Sweet... mother... of God! 335 00:13:56,141 --> 00:13:57,925 Uh, well, I got to run to the restroom. 336 00:13:57,927 --> 00:14:00,010 No internet, Mister. 337 00:14:00,012 --> 00:14:01,795 If you find out my deep, dark secret, I'll have to kill you. 338 00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,347 It's just my friends checking up on me. 339 00:14:03,349 --> 00:14:05,349 I'll politely let them know we're having a lovely time. 340 00:14:05,351 --> 00:14:06,800 Okay. 341 00:14:08,186 --> 00:14:10,687 Ted says, "I'm not clicking on the link, so leave me alone." 342 00:14:10,689 --> 00:14:13,357 And then either texted me a bunch of symbols for profanity, 343 00:14:13,359 --> 00:14:14,474 or got food poisoning 344 00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:16,476 and dropped the weirdest deuce of all time. 345 00:14:16,478 --> 00:14:18,579 You guys have to see this. 346 00:14:18,581 --> 00:14:20,414 No. We're with Ted on this. 347 00:14:20,416 --> 00:14:22,315 We don't want to find out about Janet, 348 00:14:22,317 --> 00:14:24,985 just like we don't want to find out about the baby. 349 00:14:24,987 --> 00:14:26,336 Because we like mystery, 350 00:14:26,338 --> 00:14:28,422 whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, 351 00:14:28,424 --> 00:14:31,458 or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, 352 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:33,293 or the gender of our little miracle. 353 00:14:33,295 --> 00:14:34,628 Thanks for putting those together 354 00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:35,996 in the same sentence, sweetie. 355 00:14:35,998 --> 00:14:37,347 Mm. 356 00:14:37,349 --> 00:14:40,050 Look, if you guys don't want to know, how about this? 357 00:14:40,052 --> 00:14:42,636 Let me look, and I won't tell you. 358 00:14:42,638 --> 00:14:44,438 Absolutely not. Fine. 359 00:14:45,274 --> 00:14:46,473 Baby, if it will shut him up, 360 00:14:46,475 --> 00:14:47,558 what's the harm? 361 00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:51,612 Can I...? 362 00:14:56,735 --> 00:14:58,735 This may have been a mistake. 363 00:14:58,737 --> 00:15:00,487 Boy! 364 00:15:00,489 --> 00:15:01,855 Do I like babies! 365 00:15:02,624 --> 00:15:03,407 Girl! 366 00:15:03,992 --> 00:15:05,042 ...friend, 367 00:15:05,044 --> 00:15:06,860 your hair looks fantastic! 368 00:15:07,295 --> 00:15:09,079 Twins! 369 00:15:09,081 --> 00:15:11,331 was the feel-good movie of 1988. 370 00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:13,967 Okay, Barney, hey, it doesn't matter what you guys say. 371 00:15:13,969 --> 00:15:15,168 We're not gonna cave. 372 00:15:15,170 --> 00:15:16,503 Yes, we are! 373 00:15:16,505 --> 00:15:18,488 Oh, just open your eyes. 374 00:15:18,490 --> 00:15:20,974 This gender-neutral yellow is horrible! 375 00:15:20,976 --> 00:15:23,510 We're clearly gonna paint over the whole thing! 376 00:15:23,512 --> 00:15:25,545 That's what you want to hear. 377 00:15:25,547 --> 00:15:26,980 I gots to know! 378 00:15:26,982 --> 00:15:28,649 Yeah. 379 00:15:28,651 --> 00:15:31,068 "It's a..." 380 00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:32,986 It's a... 381 00:15:32,988 --> 00:15:34,655 Where is the rest of the card? 382 00:15:34,657 --> 00:15:36,406 I ripped it in half. 383 00:15:36,408 --> 00:15:38,391 I knew you'd be desperate to see it, 384 00:15:38,393 --> 00:15:39,693 and I'll give it to you. 385 00:15:39,695 --> 00:15:42,863 All you have to do is admit that mystery is stupid 386 00:15:42,865 --> 00:15:46,333 by reading about Janet McIntyre. 387 00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:48,068 This is in no way emotional extortion. 388 00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:49,453 You guys are great. 389 00:15:49,455 --> 00:15:51,588 Fine, we'll look at your laptop. 390 00:15:52,924 --> 00:15:55,375 Sweet... 391 00:15:55,377 --> 00:15:58,011 mother... of God. 392 00:15:59,530 --> 00:16:01,265 I can't really see the computer screen. 393 00:16:01,267 --> 00:16:03,300 It just went down the wrong pipe. 394 00:16:05,638 --> 00:16:07,688 Whoa. 395 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,973 If Lily and Marshall want me to click on it, 396 00:16:09,975 --> 00:16:12,776 maybe Janet really does have a deep, dark secret. 397 00:16:13,778 --> 00:16:15,195 What's going on? 398 00:16:15,197 --> 00:16:16,363 I'm a prostitute. 399 00:16:16,365 --> 00:16:17,281 You didn't think I was 400 00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:18,398 actually into you, did you? 401 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,816 Sort of. 402 00:16:21,904 --> 00:16:24,104 Get it together, Mosby. 403 00:16:26,607 --> 00:16:28,008 Oh. 404 00:16:29,411 --> 00:16:31,277 You don't buy beer, you rent it. 405 00:16:31,279 --> 00:16:32,713 Am I right? 406 00:16:32,715 --> 00:16:34,131 This is the men's room. 407 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:35,716 I know. 408 00:16:35,718 --> 00:16:36,683 I'm a dude. 409 00:16:46,061 --> 00:16:49,062 Listen, there's something you should know. 410 00:16:49,064 --> 00:16:51,315 I lied. 411 00:16:51,317 --> 00:16:53,150 I only kind of liked Annie Hall. 412 00:16:57,271 --> 00:17:00,190 I gots to know! 413 00:17:04,662 --> 00:17:06,646 Sweet... 414 00:17:06,648 --> 00:17:09,366 mother... of God. 415 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,624 Hey. 416 00:17:25,851 --> 00:17:27,852 Ted, are you okay? You look freaked out. 417 00:17:27,854 --> 00:17:30,488 I'm not freaked out. 418 00:17:30,490 --> 00:17:32,924 I was freaked out. Why? 419 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,893 'Cause I had just discovered that Janet McIntyre was... 420 00:17:35,895 --> 00:17:38,129 amazing! 421 00:17:59,301 --> 00:18:03,387 And just like that, the wall went up. 422 00:18:03,389 --> 00:18:05,389 Okay, he looked at Janet McIntyre's 423 00:18:05,391 --> 00:18:07,258 Internet extravaganza. 424 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,277 Here's the other half of the card. 425 00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:17,068 Wait. Should we do this? I... 426 00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:19,403 I don't know. I mean, my soul says no, 427 00:18:19,405 --> 00:18:21,956 but these hideous yellow walls scream yes. 428 00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:24,742 Should I just stop, or...? 429 00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:27,245 Sweet mother of God! 430 00:18:27,247 --> 00:18:30,631 A dog in Ottawa ran all the way to Saskatoon! 431 00:18:31,466 --> 00:18:32,783 What? 432 00:18:32,785 --> 00:18:34,051 We figured out the Janet thing. 433 00:18:34,053 --> 00:18:35,386 I'm catching up on Canada. 434 00:18:39,091 --> 00:18:40,791 You're with me on this, right? 435 00:18:40,793 --> 00:18:43,627 Otherwise, I can go down, and I can get the card. 436 00:18:43,629 --> 00:18:44,395 Absolutely. 437 00:18:44,397 --> 00:18:46,347 Oh, thank you. 438 00:18:48,466 --> 00:18:50,685 And so the gender remained a secret, 439 00:18:50,687 --> 00:18:54,105 but Janet McIntyre's life no longer was. 440 00:18:54,107 --> 00:18:56,073 There was only one problem. 441 00:18:56,075 --> 00:18:57,658 Ted, what's going on? 442 00:18:57,660 --> 00:19:00,194 Nothing. 443 00:19:00,196 --> 00:19:02,479 Did I mention that I'm the youngest architect 444 00:19:02,481 --> 00:19:04,916 in New York history to have a skyscraper built? 445 00:19:04,918 --> 00:19:06,650 Oh. So, I'm not quite 446 00:19:06,652 --> 00:19:09,170 as far beneath you as you might think. 447 00:19:09,172 --> 00:19:11,205 Why would I think that? 448 00:19:11,207 --> 00:19:13,624 No reason, but this one time in sixth grade, 449 00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:16,594 I saw a raccoon trapped in a gutter, and I told my dad, 450 00:19:16,596 --> 00:19:18,462 and the firemen came and got it out, 451 00:19:18,464 --> 00:19:21,432 so it's not like I pulled a baby from a creek or anything, 452 00:19:21,434 --> 00:19:22,683 but at least I didn't ignore it 453 00:19:22,685 --> 00:19:25,603 and keep lighting bugs on fire with my magnifying glass. 454 00:19:25,605 --> 00:19:27,722 We had one promise, and you broke it. 455 00:19:27,724 --> 00:19:29,590 What are you talking about? 456 00:19:29,592 --> 00:19:31,508 You looked me up, and now you find me intimidating. 457 00:19:31,510 --> 00:19:33,778 Why-Why would I find you intimidating, okay? 458 00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:36,013 It's not like I donated a kidney, 459 00:19:36,015 --> 00:19:37,281 but I donated blood once, 460 00:19:37,283 --> 00:19:38,515 although I wound up fainting, 461 00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:40,651 and they had to put it all back in. 462 00:19:40,653 --> 00:19:42,870 I was so excited about this. 463 00:19:42,872 --> 00:19:46,157 But now you're just a blubbering idiot like the rest of them. 464 00:19:46,159 --> 00:19:47,625 No, I ain't! 465 00:19:47,627 --> 00:19:50,711 I mean, no, I never do that thing you says. 466 00:19:51,881 --> 00:19:53,581 What I mean is, you gooder than me 467 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:56,634 no make difference! 468 00:19:56,636 --> 00:19:59,053 And that's that. 469 00:19:59,055 --> 00:20:01,422 I wish to God I'd never clicked on that link. 470 00:20:01,424 --> 00:20:02,840 I'm sorry, Ted. 471 00:20:02,842 --> 00:20:04,708 We were just trying to help. 472 00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:07,094 I said it was meddling and manipulative, 473 00:20:07,096 --> 00:20:09,096 but Kevin insisted we butt in. 474 00:20:12,818 --> 00:20:14,185 No, it's my fault. 475 00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:15,736 I never should have looked. 476 00:20:15,738 --> 00:20:18,606 In the battle of mystery versus history, 477 00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:20,574 it's best not to know. 478 00:20:20,576 --> 00:20:23,244 Lily Pad? 479 00:20:23,246 --> 00:20:24,779 What? 480 00:20:24,781 --> 00:20:27,164 We're having a boy. 481 00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:30,418 We're having a boy. 482 00:20:30,420 --> 00:20:31,735 We're having a boy! You're having a boy! 483 00:20:31,737 --> 00:20:33,788 We're having a... we're having a boy. 484 00:20:33,790 --> 00:20:35,289 We're having a boy. 485 00:20:35,291 --> 00:20:36,624 We're having a boy. 486 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:39,010 I'll go buy some blue paint. 487 00:20:49,502 --> 00:20:51,503 It needs sharpening. 488 00:20:51,505 --> 00:20:55,090 You see? I told you three days would go by in no time. 489 00:20:55,092 --> 00:20:56,758 Phineas, take us up! 490 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,176 Well, in case you were wondering, 491 00:20:58,178 --> 00:21:00,479 it rained the entire time I was in the Caribbean. 492 00:21:00,481 --> 00:21:04,660 Thank you for asking.