1 00:00:01,354 --> 00:00:03,934 Kids, on New Year's Day 2012, 2 00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:05,936 Uncle Marshall took a trip to Minnesota 3 00:00:05,938 --> 00:00:07,921 to see someone he truly missed. 4 00:00:12,727 --> 00:00:15,029 Hey, Pop. 5 00:00:15,031 --> 00:00:17,247 I can't believe it's been a year. 6 00:00:17,249 --> 00:00:20,233 I think the most appropriate way 7 00:00:20,235 --> 00:00:23,570 to honor your memory today... 8 00:00:23,572 --> 00:00:24,872 is to get blasted 9 00:00:24,874 --> 00:00:26,840 and watch the Vikings make the Bears 10 00:00:26,842 --> 00:00:27,958 their furry little bitches. 11 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960 - Go, Vikes! - Shh. 12 00:00:29,962 --> 00:00:31,679 Sorry for your loss. 13 00:00:31,681 --> 00:00:34,181 Which is what we'll be saying to the Bears 14 00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:35,599 in about three hours, right, Pop? 15 00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:38,385 Kids, tailgating at the Vikings-Bears game 16 00:00:38,387 --> 00:00:41,388 was a tradition for Uncle Marshall and his dad. 17 00:00:41,390 --> 00:00:42,806 That's how the government 18 00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:45,425 covered up the UFO crash in Roswell: 19 00:00:45,427 --> 00:00:48,946 by canning the sliced up alien carcasses 20 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:52,019 and calling it Spam. 21 00:00:52,020 --> 00:00:55,920 a.k.a Sliced Processed Alien Meat 22 00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:57,154 Wow. 23 00:00:57,156 --> 00:00:59,540 Is there anything you don't know, Dad? 24 00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:00,774 No. 25 00:01:00,776 --> 00:01:02,609 I know most stuff. 26 00:01:02,611 --> 00:01:04,995 And in your honor... 27 00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:08,966 three decades of pork fat, lighter fluid and Bengay. 28 00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:12,669 Dear God, that's the stuff. 29 00:01:12,671 --> 00:01:15,339 So much to catch you up on. 30 00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:18,475 So, last night was New Year's Eve. 31 00:01:18,477 --> 00:01:20,460 That's a crazy story. 32 00:01:20,462 --> 00:01:22,880 So you haven't told your dad that you're pregnant yet? 33 00:01:22,882 --> 00:01:25,465 No. But why should I? 34 00:01:25,467 --> 00:01:27,300 My dad has never been there for me. 35 00:01:27,302 --> 00:01:29,970 This is just another chance for him to let me down. 36 00:01:29,972 --> 00:01:32,906 Lily, you have to tell him. 37 00:01:32,908 --> 00:01:35,993 He's at some board game convention in Chicago. 38 00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,579 He's your dad. 39 00:01:38,581 --> 00:01:40,247 I don't see why people aren't getting this. 40 00:01:40,249 --> 00:01:41,532 Shoplifter does not promote crime. 41 00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:44,334 It celebrates it. 42 00:01:44,336 --> 00:01:45,986 Excuse me. 43 00:01:45,988 --> 00:01:47,320 Yeah. 44 00:01:47,322 --> 00:01:48,872 Hey, Dad. 45 00:01:48,874 --> 00:01:52,509 I'm, uh, calling with some pretty big news. 46 00:01:52,511 --> 00:01:54,344 I'm pregnant. 47 00:01:54,346 --> 00:01:56,263 Great. Thanks. 48 00:01:56,287 --> 00:02:04,287 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 49 00:02:12,079 --> 00:02:14,263 Anyway, Dad, Ted and Barney's, New Year's Eve 50 00:02:14,265 --> 00:02:16,516 wasn't off to a great start, either. 51 00:02:16,518 --> 00:02:18,051 Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's 50 bucks, 52 00:02:18,053 --> 00:02:19,251 and the line starts out there. 53 00:02:19,253 --> 00:02:21,253 Uh, we're regulars. Oh, in that case, 54 00:02:21,255 --> 00:02:23,106 the line starts out there, and it's 50 bucks. 55 00:02:23,108 --> 00:02:24,924 You got a problem with that? 56 00:02:24,926 --> 00:02:27,794 Kids, here's why we didn't have a problem with that. 57 00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:32,348 And he was even scarier without the toupee. 58 00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:33,866 No problem. It's a little drafty. 59 00:02:33,868 --> 00:02:35,651 We'll get you a nice hot cocoa. 60 00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:40,406 Check it out. 61 00:02:40,408 --> 00:02:42,709 Sandy Rivers' New Year's Eve show. 62 00:02:42,711 --> 00:02:44,994 Thank God I don't have to produce 63 00:02:44,996 --> 00:02:46,162 this frozen pile of poo. 64 00:02:46,164 --> 00:02:47,413 How'd you dodge that bullet? 65 00:02:47,415 --> 00:02:50,633 Well, maybe Tina, the producer, he, uh, picked, 66 00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:52,251 is more talented than I am... 67 00:02:52,253 --> 00:02:55,088 at lying down while Sandy does his business on her. 68 00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:57,256 Does it bother you that this pervert's 69 00:02:57,258 --> 00:02:58,758 on the air, and you're not anymore? 70 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,093 Do you miss it? 71 00:03:01,429 --> 00:03:04,480 What? Why would... why would I miss it? 72 00:03:04,482 --> 00:03:06,649 No. I would rather 73 00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:09,819 be warm and cozy here in denial-- my apartment. 74 00:03:09,821 --> 00:03:11,320 Robin, I'm no therapist-- 75 00:03:11,322 --> 00:03:13,272 wait, yes, I am-- 76 00:03:13,274 --> 00:03:15,975 but I've got a New Year's resolution for you. 77 00:03:15,977 --> 00:03:17,309 Get back on camera. 78 00:03:17,311 --> 00:03:20,663 Mine was going to be "make a sex tape," so... two birds. 79 00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:24,117 Hold that thought. 80 00:03:24,119 --> 00:03:25,835 Hello? 81 00:03:25,837 --> 00:03:27,153 Sandy? 82 00:03:27,155 --> 00:03:28,504 Tina quit. 83 00:03:28,506 --> 00:03:30,923 The woman I love just quit. 84 00:03:30,925 --> 00:03:33,042 Love? She's my everything, Robin. 85 00:03:33,044 --> 00:03:36,629 My sun, my stars, my oxygen. 86 00:03:36,631 --> 00:03:39,382 Plus, she likes it fast and dirty, 87 00:03:39,384 --> 00:03:41,517 and that's how Sandy rides. 88 00:03:41,519 --> 00:03:43,436 I need you here ASAP. 89 00:03:43,438 --> 00:03:44,887 Are you kidding me? 90 00:03:44,889 --> 00:03:46,305 Marcus? 91 00:03:46,307 --> 00:03:47,690 What the heck are you doing here? 92 00:03:47,692 --> 00:03:49,642 What the heck are you doing here? 93 00:03:49,644 --> 00:03:52,945 I wanted to see Dad today 'in private'. 94 00:03:52,947 --> 00:03:54,680 Well, I had the same idea, 95 00:03:54,682 --> 00:03:57,784 and I drove all the way from Mom's, so get lost. 96 00:03:57,786 --> 00:04:00,203 I flew here, so you get lost. 97 00:04:00,205 --> 00:04:02,405 Um, I'm trying to have a poignant moment 98 00:04:02,407 --> 00:04:05,408 with our departed father, turd face. 99 00:04:05,410 --> 00:04:07,210 Well, I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit 100 00:04:07,212 --> 00:04:09,796 flow through my soul, butt breath. 101 00:04:09,798 --> 00:04:11,380 I'm reaching out to the beyond 102 00:04:11,382 --> 00:04:14,200 to touch Dad's inner light, ass clown. 103 00:04:14,202 --> 00:04:17,470 I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song 104 00:04:17,472 --> 00:04:20,807 guiding me toward salvation, douche nozzle. 105 00:04:21,725 --> 00:04:23,759 - Dibs on Dad. - Dibs on Dad times infinity. 106 00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:25,061 Oh! Ooh. 107 00:04:25,063 --> 00:04:26,979 I'll just pretend like you're not here. 108 00:04:28,348 --> 00:04:29,565 What? 109 00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,584 Dad, do you hear something? 110 00:04:31,586 --> 00:04:35,605 Perhaps the high-pitched whine of someone who wet their bed 111 00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:37,240 until they were 11! 112 00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:38,441 Ten. 113 00:04:39,493 --> 00:04:43,579 Anyway, Dad, since it's just the two of us... 114 00:04:45,065 --> 00:04:47,200 Lily and I were going to spend New Year's 115 00:04:47,202 --> 00:04:48,584 unpacking the baby room. 116 00:04:48,586 --> 00:04:51,787 Um, sweetie, why is this book in here? 117 00:04:51,789 --> 00:04:53,506 That's Enigmas of The Mystical. 118 00:04:53,508 --> 00:04:54,590 It's all about mysterious 119 00:04:54,592 --> 00:04:56,092 and unexplained phenomena. 120 00:04:56,094 --> 00:04:58,878 Don't you remember the TV commercials from the '80s? 121 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,130 June 17th, 1983. 122 00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:02,798 Tempe, Arizona. 123 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,001 A woman makes a chicken salad sandwich. 124 00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:06,919 Chicken salad sandwich. 125 00:05:06,921 --> 00:05:08,804 Halfway across the country in Michigan, 126 00:05:08,806 --> 00:05:10,523 her daughter is compelled to make 127 00:05:10,525 --> 00:05:13,425 almost exactly the same sandwich. 128 00:05:13,427 --> 00:05:14,810 Tuna salad. 129 00:05:14,812 --> 00:05:16,412 Coincidence? 130 00:05:16,414 --> 00:05:19,065 Or an enigma of the mystical! 131 00:05:20,785 --> 00:05:24,403 Yeah, those enigmas always seemed a bit thin to me. 132 00:05:24,405 --> 00:05:27,373 Thin? Lily, this is 200 pages 133 00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:30,943 of detailed accounts about Bigfoot, ghosts, 134 00:05:30,945 --> 00:05:33,329 aliens abducting people from their beds and probing them. 135 00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:35,047 I'm going to read it to Baby Eriksen 136 00:05:35,049 --> 00:05:36,282 at night-night. 137 00:05:36,284 --> 00:05:38,251 You really want to read our kid 138 00:05:38,253 --> 00:05:39,802 bedtime stories about monsters? 139 00:05:39,804 --> 00:05:41,637 First of all, I wouldn't use the "M" word. 140 00:05:41,639 --> 00:05:42,889 Only they can call themselves that. 141 00:05:42,891 --> 00:05:44,290 And secondly, are you really saying 142 00:05:44,292 --> 00:05:46,392 you don't want to raise our child as a believer? 143 00:05:46,394 --> 00:05:48,344 I don't want to brainwash our child 144 00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:50,396 to believe in something with no proof. 145 00:05:50,398 --> 00:05:52,131 It's not about proof; it's about faith. 146 00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:54,400 Faith is what gives life shape and meaning. 147 00:05:54,402 --> 00:05:56,319 I mean, if there aren't yetis or leprechauns, 148 00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:58,404 what's the point of even getting up in the morning? 149 00:05:58,406 --> 00:05:59,689 I don't know. 150 00:05:59,691 --> 00:06:02,408 Wife, unborn child, drop a deuce? 151 00:06:02,410 --> 00:06:05,611 Lily, don't you think it's a bit narcissistic 152 00:06:05,613 --> 00:06:08,948 not to allow for something bigger than us out there? 153 00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:11,367 Something whose beauty and power 154 00:06:11,369 --> 00:06:13,586 and majesty humbles us? 155 00:06:13,588 --> 00:06:15,421 God? Werewolves. 156 00:06:18,259 --> 00:06:20,960 So, as the countdown to 212 continues, 157 00:06:20,962 --> 00:06:22,712 a quick warning, America: 158 00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:25,715 Tina Henderson is a soulless bitch 159 00:06:25,717 --> 00:06:28,684 who will stomp on your heart. 160 00:06:28,686 --> 00:06:31,103 I need you back, Tina. 161 00:06:31,105 --> 00:06:33,022 I love you. 162 00:06:33,024 --> 00:06:35,725 Well, if that's as bad as it gets, we might be okay. 163 00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:37,843 Bathroom break. 164 00:06:40,315 --> 00:06:41,614 Oh, good. 165 00:06:41,616 --> 00:06:43,816 It's on the Jumbotron. 166 00:06:43,818 --> 00:06:45,284 Oh, finally. 167 00:06:45,286 --> 00:06:46,518 Yeah, that'll be 100 bucks each. 168 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,371 What? You said 50. 169 00:06:48,373 --> 00:06:50,539 That was before the place got crowded. 170 00:06:50,541 --> 00:06:51,690 Okay? It's New Year's Eve. 171 00:06:51,692 --> 00:06:52,992 People get rowdy and break stuff. 172 00:06:52,994 --> 00:06:54,160 The cover protects us. 173 00:06:54,162 --> 00:06:56,629 Plus, you get these festive hats. 174 00:06:56,631 --> 00:06:58,697 For an additional 15 bucks. 175 00:06:58,699 --> 00:07:00,583 They're wet. 176 00:07:00,585 --> 00:07:02,168 Dry ones are 20. 177 00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:03,719 That's it. 178 00:07:03,721 --> 00:07:05,388 Don't bother, everybody. 179 00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,806 MacLaren's is a rip-off! 180 00:07:06,808 --> 00:07:08,057 You'd all be better off 181 00:07:08,059 --> 00:07:10,376 coming upstairs to my place for a beer. 182 00:07:10,378 --> 00:07:12,645 Hey, dude. You serious? 183 00:07:13,546 --> 00:07:17,233 Ted, do you remember a couple years ago, 184 00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:20,552 we had the best idea of all time? 185 00:07:20,554 --> 00:07:21,904 We should buy a bar. 186 00:07:21,906 --> 00:07:24,407 Of course! We could buy a bar! 187 00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:26,192 The name of our bar? 188 00:07:26,194 --> 00:07:28,694 Puzzles. 189 00:07:28,696 --> 00:07:31,063 People will be like, "Why is it called Puzzles?" 190 00:07:31,065 --> 00:07:33,582 That's the puzzle. 191 00:07:33,584 --> 00:07:36,402 A bar where no one's overcharged, 192 00:07:36,404 --> 00:07:39,505 where everyone feels valued and respected. 193 00:07:39,507 --> 00:07:41,090 A bar... 194 00:07:41,092 --> 00:07:44,093 where we get chicks drunk and bang them. 195 00:07:44,095 --> 00:07:46,045 We're opening Puzzles tonight. 196 00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:49,265 Of course we're opening Puzzles tonight! 197 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:52,751 Aren't you going to ask us why it's called Puzzles? 198 00:07:52,753 --> 00:07:54,353 Nope. 199 00:07:54,355 --> 00:07:56,222 Okay. 200 00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:59,692 Okay, we're back live in 30 seconds. 201 00:07:59,694 --> 00:08:01,060 I don't know. 202 00:08:01,062 --> 00:08:04,030 Uht's see if he's still wearing his mic. 203 00:08:04,032 --> 00:08:06,482 Taxi, take me to Tina's house. 204 00:08:06,484 --> 00:08:08,150 50 West 67th. 205 00:08:08,152 --> 00:08:09,702 Sir, this is a falafel stand, 206 00:08:09,704 --> 00:08:11,120 and you're sitting in the hummus 207 00:08:12,457 --> 00:08:13,823 Okay. 208 00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:16,292 Run the montage of people who died this year until I get back. 209 00:08:16,294 --> 00:08:17,493 And add Sandy, 210 00:08:17,495 --> 00:08:19,712 because when I find him, I'm going to kill him. 211 00:08:27,098 --> 00:08:29,438 - Anyway, Dad... - Stop hogging Dad already. 212 00:08:29,441 --> 00:08:31,708 - I've got stuff to tell him, too. - Like what? 213 00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:33,810 You're still living with Mom, and you have no job. 214 00:08:34,645 --> 00:08:35,945 Go ahead. 215 00:08:35,947 --> 00:08:37,981 So, anyway... 216 00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:41,701 July 8, 19. 217 00:08:41,703 --> 00:08:42,869 Cheyenne, Wyoming. 218 00:08:42,871 --> 00:08:45,705 A hunter spots a hairy form in the fore. 219 00:08:45,707 --> 00:08:46,990 Bigfoot. 220 00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:48,158 His story is dismissed 221 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,710 because, to be honest, he'd been drinking 222 00:08:50,712 --> 00:08:53,279 and had a history of mental problems. 223 00:08:53,281 --> 00:08:54,881 But was it a hoax? 224 00:08:54,883 --> 00:08:56,833 Or was it an enigma of the... 225 00:08:56,835 --> 00:08:59,335 It was an idiot in a gorilla suit. 226 00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:01,287 Enigma. Gorilla suit. 227 00:09:01,289 --> 00:09:04,474 Enigma! Gorilla suit! 228 00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:06,125 Marshall? Marcus? 229 00:09:06,127 --> 00:09:08,228 What are you guys doing he? 230 00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:10,230 Having a private moment with Dad. 231 00:09:10,232 --> 00:09:13,316 No, I'm having a private moment with Dad. 232 00:09:13,318 --> 00:09:16,569 No, I'm having a private moment with Dad. 233 00:09:16,571 --> 00:09:18,154 Touchdown, Vikings! 234 00:09:18,156 --> 00:09:19,972 Boom! Yeah! 235 00:09:26,097 --> 00:09:27,464 Anyway, Dad, 236 00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:30,417 since it's still just the two of us, 237 00:09:30,419 --> 00:09:32,985 I'll go on. 238 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,709 I've always envisioned Puzzles as a literary salon, 239 00:09:39,711 --> 00:09:41,845 where Gotham's intelligentsia hold court 240 00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:44,180 on art, philosophy and literature. 241 00:09:44,182 --> 00:09:45,682 Great. 242 00:09:45,684 --> 00:09:48,718 And while you're distracting the nerds and fatties, 243 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,003 I'll be in the VIP room getting it in. 244 00:09:51,005 --> 00:09:52,889 Uh, yeah, dude, I don't know 245 00:09:52,891 --> 00:09:55,558 where you got a velvet rope, but you can't 246 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,694 use my room for anonymous sex. 247 00:09:57,696 --> 00:09:59,646 I'm kind of a neat freak that way. 248 00:09:59,648 --> 00:10:01,514 Hey, guys, I have an idea for Puzzles. 249 00:10:01,516 --> 00:10:07,871 What if... What? 250 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,789 Oh. Okay. I understand. 251 00:10:09,791 --> 00:10:11,190 But he we like your energy. 252 00:10:11,192 --> 00:10:12,937 How would you like to be our star bartender. 253 00:10:13,712 --> 00:10:15,194 I've always wanted to be a bartender. 254 00:10:15,196 --> 00:10:16,496 It's just like being a therapist. 255 00:10:16,498 --> 00:10:18,143 You listen to people's problems, pretend to care, 256 00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:19,368 but you can drink openly, 257 00:10:19,468 --> 00:10:21,801 instead of having to hide your booze in a coffee mug. 258 00:10:21,803 --> 00:10:23,136 Great. Oh, check it out. 259 00:10:23,138 --> 00:10:25,722 We worked out a theme song for Puzzles. 260 00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:27,223 While I was carrying 100-pound kegs 261 00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:29,225 up four flights of stairs? Awesome. 262 00:10:29,227 --> 00:10:31,511 ♪ ♪ 263 00:10:34,682 --> 00:10:37,717 ♪ Puzzles is a place where people go ♪ 264 00:10:37,719 --> 00:10:40,687 ♪ To feel like they belong ♪ 265 00:10:40,689 --> 00:10:43,823 ♪ Gonna take advantage of dumb drunk girls ♪ 266 00:10:43,825 --> 00:10:45,358 No, we're not. 267 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,110 ♪ That would be wrong ♪ 268 00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:51,831 ♪ A place where wit and wisdom bloom ♪ 269 00:10:53,584 --> 00:10:57,236 ♪A place to bang chicks in Ted's room ♪ 270 00:10:57,238 --> 00:10:59,873 - Not gonna happen. - We'll talk about it. 271 00:10:59,875 --> 00:11:04,210 ♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪ 272 00:11:04,212 --> 00:11:06,546 ♪ And I'm the bartender! ♪ 273 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:09,883 I'll go get the other kegs. 274 00:11:09,885 --> 00:11:10,884 Probably a good idea. 275 00:11:10,886 --> 00:11:14,304 We got to work out some harmonies. 276 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:16,022 ♪ And I'm right here ♪ ♪ No, you actually down here ♪ 277 00:11:16,024 --> 00:11:18,358 Excuse me, sir? About the TVs, 278 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,059 we in the middle burying my aunt, so... 279 00:11:20,061 --> 00:11:21,895 Oh I'm sorry. We'll keep it down. 280 00:11:21,897 --> 00:11:24,197 No, I just want to check out the score. 281 00:11:24,199 --> 00:11:26,533 Actually, I'm trying to have 282 00:11:26,535 --> 00:11:28,601 a private moment with my dad, so... 283 00:11:28,626 --> 00:11:29,787 Oh. 284 00:11:29,788 --> 00:11:32,121 It's just that I used to goto Vikes's 285 00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:34,874 with my aunt; may she rest in peace. 286 00:11:40,381 --> 00:11:42,382 Anyway, so back to my story. 287 00:11:43,918 --> 00:11:46,636 She also loved burgers. 288 00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:54,894 So now, back to my story. 289 00:11:54,896 --> 00:11:56,846 Aunt Laura sure loved a toasted bun. 290 00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:04,687 Tina, please tell me Sandy's here. 291 00:12:04,689 --> 00:12:06,940 Don't worry, he's here. 292 00:12:06,942 --> 00:12:09,192 And we're back... together! 293 00:12:09,194 --> 00:12:11,527 He told me he loves me, he's sorry, 294 00:12:11,529 --> 00:12:13,696 and I'm the only girl for him. 295 00:12:14,815 --> 00:12:17,166 You know, since we'll here, 296 00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:19,369 and we're all horny... 297 00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,489 I don't know what went wrong. 298 00:12:23,491 --> 00:12:25,241 Well, proposing the three-way was bad, 299 00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:26,676 starting without us was worse, 300 00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:29,245 finishing in the hallway was the nail in the coffin. 301 00:12:29,247 --> 00:12:30,597 No! Stop drinking! 302 00:12:30,599 --> 00:12:32,882 I gotta get you back on air! 303 00:12:32,884 --> 00:12:34,500 But I'm single and ready to mingle! 304 00:12:34,502 --> 00:12:36,719 Hello, there. 305 00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:40,473 Oh, the Twitter-verse blowing up about 306 00:12:40,475 --> 00:12:42,558 a new apartment-themed bar called Puzzles. 307 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,860 Why is it called Puzzles? 308 00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,612 That's the puzzle! 309 00:12:45,614 --> 00:12:48,314 Anyway, this VIP room has a maximum occupancy 310 00:12:48,316 --> 00:12:51,234 of two people including me, so eeny... 311 00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:54,120 and the rest of you may go. 312 00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:58,207 It's funny, but it seems each time 313 00:12:58,209 --> 00:13:01,327 I read James Joyce's Ulysses, 314 00:13:01,329 --> 00:13:03,696 it's a different book, 315 00:13:03,698 --> 00:13:06,833 begging the question: Has the book changed... 316 00:13:06,835 --> 00:13:09,252 or have I? 317 00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:15,041 Okay, people are getting rowdy and drunk and breaking things. 318 00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,209 I know this goes against the Puzzles mission statement 319 00:13:17,211 --> 00:13:19,762 you made me memorize, but we gotta raise our drink prices. 320 00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:22,482 All right, just a little bit so no one will notice. 321 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,521 Boo! 322 00:13:29,606 --> 00:13:31,190 Poodles sucks! 323 00:13:31,192 --> 00:13:33,693 And that's when the night turned to absolute crap. 324 00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:38,948 ♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪ 325 00:13:40,367 --> 00:13:45,922 ♪ On sunny days or stormy weather ♪ 326 00:13:45,924 --> 00:13:49,926 ♪ So pull up a chair and sit'♪ 327 00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:52,679 ♪ To share and stories to tell ♪ 328 00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:56,916 ♪ Puzzles is a place where everybody feels at home ♪ 329 00:13:56,918 --> 00:13:59,719 ♪ And we bang chicks in Ted's room. ♪ 330 00:13:59,721 --> 00:14:02,254 What-what do, what do, what do we do? 331 00:14:02,256 --> 00:14:04,390 And so Puzzles got a bouncer, 332 00:14:04,392 --> 00:14:06,609 All right, you know what, you guys? 333 00:14:11,865 --> 00:14:12,906 No. No, no, no, no, no, you said double 334 00:14:12,907 --> 00:14:14,323 what MacLaren's was paying me. 335 00:14:15,102 --> 00:14:17,436 And why isn't anyone wearing the hats I brought up?! 336 00:14:20,557 --> 00:14:22,742 November 14th... 337 00:14:22,744 --> 00:14:23,710 1982. 338 00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:27,080 Everglades National Park, Florida. 339 00:14:27,082 --> 00:14:29,949 Five mysterious lights dance in the night sky. 340 00:14:29,951 --> 00:14:32,585 A ray shoots down, lifting the park ranger, 341 00:14:32,587 --> 00:14:36,172 who, to be fair, was going through a bad divorce 342 00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:40,426 and had a habit of lying to get attention. 343 00:14:40,428 --> 00:14:42,345 I hate this job, Sandy! 344 00:14:42,347 --> 00:14:44,564 I went into journalism to make a difference, 345 00:14:44,566 --> 00:14:47,100 but you have made that impossible. 346 00:14:47,102 --> 00:14:49,018 You know, to be honest, it hasn't been 347 00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:50,987 an easy couple months for me. I've made mistakes. 348 00:14:50,989 --> 00:14:53,406 I've felt alone. I had to let go of dreams 349 00:14:53,408 --> 00:14:55,024 I didn't even know I had. 350 00:14:55,026 --> 00:14:57,243 So here's the deal: 351 00:14:57,245 --> 00:14:58,644 You're gonna get back on air 352 00:14:58,646 --> 00:15:00,279 and count us into a better year, 353 00:15:00,281 --> 00:15:04,867 because I just can't do 2011 anymore. You with me? 354 00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:07,286 He's not with me, is he? 355 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,323 Anyway, Dad, where was I? 356 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,268 You know what? Fine, get out of here! 357 00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:20,520 We don't need ya! 358 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:25,325 And why doesn't anybody like these hats? 359 00:15:25,327 --> 00:15:29,329 I made these hats. 360 00:15:29,331 --> 00:15:30,997 It's because they' wet, Doug. 361 00:15:30,999 --> 00:15:33,616 Why are they all wet?! 362 00:15:33,618 --> 00:15:35,735 Were those our last customers? 363 00:15:35,737 --> 00:15:37,754 Let me go check the bathroom. 364 00:15:42,177 --> 00:15:44,427 You must be from the escort service. 365 00:15:45,913 --> 00:15:51,634 The scenario is high school wrestling match. 366 00:15:55,139 --> 00:15:56,088 Hello? 367 00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:58,691 So get this: I lost Sandy Rivers. 368 00:15:58,693 --> 00:16:00,693 Funny you should mention that. 369 00:16:00,695 --> 00:16:01,761 It's almost midnight! 370 00:16:01,763 --> 00:16:03,780 What am I gonna do, go on the air myself? 371 00:16:03,782 --> 00:16:06,950 Listen... Wait. Yeah, do that! 372 00:16:06,952 --> 00:16:08,618 No, I-I can't actually. 373 00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:11,454 Yes, you can. It's what you really want and you deserve it. 374 00:16:11,456 --> 00:16:13,456 Kevin, that's not how it works. 375 00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:14,874 Sounds like that's your only choice. 376 00:16:14,876 --> 00:16:16,960 New York's a big city. 377 00:16:16,962 --> 00:16:19,128 Sandy Rivers could be anywhere. 378 00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,316 And... wrestle! 379 00:16:24,885 --> 00:16:26,469 Hey. 380 00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:29,288 I'm sorry, baby. 381 00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:30,974 I just... I want our kid 382 00:16:30,976 --> 00:16:33,309 to believe that the universe is magical. 383 00:16:33,311 --> 00:16:35,345 You know, like my dad taught me. 384 00:16:35,347 --> 00:16:37,263 You know what my dad taught me? 385 00:16:37,265 --> 00:16:39,515 Nothing... 'cause he was never there. 386 00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:45,772 June 22nd, 1996, Brooklyn, New York. 387 00:16:45,774 --> 00:16:49,642 A man misses his daughter's high school graduation. 388 00:16:49,644 --> 00:16:51,861 Later, she discovers her babysitting money 389 00:16:51,863 --> 00:16:53,863 has been spent on a board game called 390 00:16:53,865 --> 00:16:56,866 Who Stole The Babysitting Money? 391 00:16:56,868 --> 00:16:58,952 He never saw the irony in that. 392 00:16:58,954 --> 00:17:02,455 December 31st, 2011. 393 00:17:02,457 --> 00:17:06,459 A woman calls her father to tell him she's pregnant. 394 00:17:06,461 --> 00:17:09,545 says, 'Great. Thanks,' and hangs up on her. 395 00:17:09,547 --> 00:17:12,999 And after pushing her to call him, 396 00:17:13,001 --> 00:17:17,520 a Big Foot is discovered in her husband's mouth. 397 00:17:18,639 --> 00:17:20,840 I'm glad you're a believer, baby, 398 00:17:20,842 --> 00:17:25,561 but I'm never gonna believe in an "enigma of the mystical" 399 00:17:25,563 --> 00:17:28,731 unless I see it with my own eyes. 400 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,650 Because the truth is, 401 00:17:30,652 --> 00:17:35,154 my father never taught me believe in anything but myself. 402 00:17:35,156 --> 00:17:38,992 Well, if it helps at all, I believe in you, too. 403 00:17:40,878 --> 00:17:43,913 Then there's a pretty good chance I don't exist. 404 00:17:43,915 --> 00:17:45,164 How dare you?! 405 00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:51,254 Oh, my God! 406 00:17:51,256 --> 00:17:54,090 This is Robin Scherbatsky filling in for Sandy Rivers. 407 00:17:54,092 --> 00:17:55,975 You know, America, 408 00:17:55,977 --> 00:17:59,312 tonight I've been groped, stepped in puke 409 00:17:59,337 --> 00:18:00,347 and until 10 minutes ago 410 00:18:00,348 --> 00:18:04,400 had no idea I would be on national television. 411 00:18:04,402 --> 00:18:05,618 That's my girl. 412 00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:07,906 But that's the magic of New Year's. 413 00:18:07,931 --> 00:18:09,831 When that clock strikes midnight, 414 00:18:09,891 --> 00:18:11,324 we all get a fresh start. 415 00:18:11,326 --> 00:18:15,495 And I don't know about you, but I could really use one. 416 00:18:15,497 --> 00:18:19,365 And that magic moment starts in ten... 417 00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,067 nine... 418 00:18:21,069 --> 00:18:24,387 That night became a turning point in Robin's career. 419 00:18:27,424 --> 00:18:29,292 But we'll get to that. 420 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:31,928 They're nice hats, Doug. 421 00:18:31,930 --> 00:18:34,914 They're wet but they're nice. 422 00:18:34,916 --> 00:18:37,917 ...three, two, one. 423 00:18:42,106 --> 00:18:43,973 And that's the story of New Year's Eve. 424 00:18:43,975 --> 00:18:45,858 You know, I've been thinking 425 00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:48,528 that the reason I got so intense with Lily 426 00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:52,031 about Enigmas of the Mystical is that, well... 427 00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:54,150 Could you pass the pickles? 428 00:18:55,819 --> 00:18:58,821 ...with you gone, I feel the mystical a little less. 429 00:18:58,823 --> 00:19:00,990 Can you hand me the chips? 430 00:19:00,992 --> 00:19:03,826 Sometimes I feel you a little less. 431 00:19:03,828 --> 00:19:07,613 That's why today was so important because I just... 432 00:19:07,615 --> 00:19:08,781 I needed to... 433 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:15,805 Did you just open a beer on my father's headstone? 434 00:19:15,807 --> 00:19:17,306 Actually, it's a hard cider. 435 00:19:17,308 --> 00:19:20,560 And just as he was about to lose it... 436 00:19:20,562 --> 00:19:22,345 Hey, Marvin, can you pass me a burger? 437 00:19:22,347 --> 00:19:23,763 Hey, not Marvin. Marshall. 438 00:19:23,765 --> 00:19:26,132 Sorry, it's just, you're so much like your pop. 439 00:19:26,134 --> 00:19:28,735 Your Uncle Marshall thought back 440 00:19:28,737 --> 00:19:30,686 to all those tailgates with his father. 441 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,306 Hey, mind if I grab one? 442 00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:36,809 The more the merrier! All right. 443 00:19:36,811 --> 00:19:44,283 ♪ The time has come to heal our wounds ♪ 444 00:19:44,285 --> 00:19:51,657 ♪ The time has come, it's coming soon... 445 00:19:51,659 --> 00:19:54,961 And he realized that maybe private moments are overrated. 446 00:19:54,963 --> 00:19:56,212 You know what? 447 00:19:57,881 --> 00:19:59,265 The more the merrier. 448 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,934 Hey, guys. 449 00:20:01,936 --> 00:20:05,671 ♪ The time has come to heal the wounds. ♪ 450 00:20:08,809 --> 00:20:09,692 Happy New Year. 451 00:20:09,694 --> 00:20:11,444 Happy New Year. 452 00:20:14,198 --> 00:20:17,550 January 1st, 2012, East Meadow, New York. 453 00:20:17,552 --> 00:20:21,220 A woman answers her door to find something more enigmatic 454 00:20:21,222 --> 00:20:23,856 and mysterious than Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. 455 00:20:23,858 --> 00:20:25,241 Dad? 456 00:20:25,243 --> 00:20:26,959 Hey. 457 00:20:26,961 --> 00:20:28,628 I thought you were in Chicago. 458 00:20:28,630 --> 00:20:30,480 I was. 459 00:20:30,482 --> 00:20:33,666 Great. Thanks. 460 00:20:33,668 --> 00:20:36,636 My daughter's having a baby! 461 00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:43,476 Did you drive all night? 462 00:20:43,478 --> 00:20:44,594 Yeah. 463 00:20:44,596 --> 00:20:47,980 Well, Teddy and I split the drive. 464 00:20:47,982 --> 00:20:50,850 This guy's a maniac behind the wheel. 465 00:20:52,186 --> 00:20:53,986 Congrats, Princess. 466 00:20:58,609 --> 00:20:59,909 Happy New Year, Dad.