1 00:00:02,161 --> 00:00:04,296 Hey, guys. Where are Marshall and Lily? 2 00:00:04,298 --> 00:00:06,214 Something terrible happened. 3 00:00:06,216 --> 00:00:08,016 Are they okay? Are they in the hospital? 4 00:00:08,018 --> 00:00:09,284 No. 5 00:00:09,286 --> 00:00:13,321 Somewhere much... much worse. 6 00:00:13,323 --> 00:00:14,556 Long Island! 7 00:00:14,558 --> 00:00:16,057 Tonight, we're moving out there for good. 8 00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:19,611 Yeah. Here are your spare keys to our new house. 9 00:00:19,613 --> 00:00:21,012 Long Island? 10 00:00:21,014 --> 00:00:22,397 I don't understand. 11 00:00:22,399 --> 00:00:24,599 You can get spray tans here. 12 00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:25,684 I never let myself 13 00:00:25,686 --> 00:00:27,819 believe this day would really come. 14 00:00:27,821 --> 00:00:29,070 It's like when they canceled 15 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,356 Party of Five for the second time. 16 00:00:32,325 --> 00:00:36,344 I mean when they... canceled sports. 17 00:00:36,346 --> 00:00:39,147 Guys, we'll still see each other all the time, 18 00:00:39,149 --> 00:00:40,648 and we'll talk on the phone. 19 00:00:40,650 --> 00:00:42,701 And I know people say that having kids means 20 00:00:42,703 --> 00:00:44,202 you won't see your friends anymore, but... 21 00:00:44,204 --> 00:00:45,754 Oh, God, this is good-bye, isn't it? 22 00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,122 No. Stop it. 23 00:00:47,124 --> 00:00:48,373 Guys, this doesn't 24 00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:49,624 change anything. 25 00:00:49,626 --> 00:00:52,878 We are only a 46-minute train ride away. 26 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,012 Just pop out 27 00:00:54,014 --> 00:00:55,347 whenever you want. 28 00:00:55,349 --> 00:00:58,216 So... I guess this seat is open. 29 00:01:00,437 --> 00:01:02,437 I'll go get a chair. 30 00:01:04,557 --> 00:01:05,891 So that's it. 31 00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:07,342 No more Marshall. 32 00:01:07,344 --> 00:01:08,393 No more Lily. 33 00:01:08,395 --> 00:01:10,011 They're gone. 34 00:01:10,013 --> 00:01:12,013 Which means... 35 00:01:12,015 --> 00:01:14,682 no lame married couple 36 00:01:14,684 --> 00:01:17,402 shooting down all my amazing ideas. 37 00:01:17,404 --> 00:01:19,487 Guys, great news. 38 00:01:19,489 --> 00:01:22,464 I'm the new leader of the gang! 39 00:01:22,488 --> 00:01:28,488 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 40 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,723 Marshall and Lily were almost done decorating their new home. 41 00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:40,425 I like it there much better. Yeah. 42 00:01:40,427 --> 00:01:41,542 There was only one problem. 43 00:01:41,544 --> 00:01:43,094 Wrong! 44 00:01:43,096 --> 00:01:45,546 This can't go here. 45 00:01:45,548 --> 00:01:47,649 Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, 46 00:01:47,651 --> 00:01:49,217 Lily's estranged father 47 00:01:49,219 --> 00:01:51,403 unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep. 48 00:01:51,405 --> 00:01:53,405 It was a gesture she appreciated. 49 00:01:53,407 --> 00:01:56,091 But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough. 50 00:01:56,093 --> 00:01:57,442 That has to go there 51 00:01:57,444 --> 00:01:59,327 to cover up the splintery floorboard. 52 00:01:59,329 --> 00:02:00,278 And you can't hang 53 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:01,696 this picture here. 54 00:02:01,698 --> 00:02:04,165 This isn't plaster; it's dried toothpaste. 55 00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:07,936 Guys, you're so lucky I'm here. 56 00:02:07,938 --> 00:02:09,621 I grew up in this house. 57 00:02:09,623 --> 00:02:12,073 I know it like the back of my hand. 58 00:02:12,075 --> 00:02:14,793 And this lamp absolutely cannot be here. 59 00:02:14,795 --> 00:02:16,544 Why not? 60 00:02:16,546 --> 00:02:18,680 Blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez 61 00:02:18,682 --> 00:02:20,849 doing her Jane Fonda workouts. 62 00:02:20,851 --> 00:02:22,767 Isn't she a little old, Dad? 63 00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:25,754 Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid. 64 00:02:25,756 --> 00:02:28,957 In my mind, she'll always be 54. 65 00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:34,779 I know he means well, but I can't take it anymore. 66 00:02:34,781 --> 00:02:36,597 He won't leave, and-and he's acting 67 00:02:36,599 --> 00:02:38,433 like this is his house. No, I know. 68 00:02:38,435 --> 00:02:40,952 And these annoying notes he keeps leaving around? 69 00:02:40,954 --> 00:02:43,655 "I need absolute silence when practicing the drums." 70 00:02:43,657 --> 00:02:46,607 "Do not touch the fudge in my nightstand." 71 00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:49,294 "We need ant traps for my nightstand." 72 00:02:49,296 --> 00:02:51,946 I find myself hiding out here 73 00:02:51,948 --> 00:02:53,915 just because it's the only room in the house 74 00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:55,083 where he can't boss us around. 75 00:02:55,085 --> 00:02:56,301 Great news. 76 00:02:56,303 --> 00:02:58,786 I put new batteries in the old intercom system. 77 00:02:58,788 --> 00:03:00,972 Now we can communicate at all times. 78 00:03:00,974 --> 00:03:03,141 Mickey out. 79 00:03:04,126 --> 00:03:06,511 Look at what's become of our booth. 80 00:03:06,513 --> 00:03:08,847 Looks like my old shop teacher's hand-- 81 00:03:08,849 --> 00:03:11,499 just sort of missing something. 82 00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:13,234 Enough! 83 00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:15,653 I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness, 84 00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:17,272 instead of doing the healthy thing 85 00:03:17,274 --> 00:03:19,074 and pretending anyone who leaves you 86 00:03:19,076 --> 00:03:21,526 never existed in the first place. 87 00:03:21,528 --> 00:03:22,994 I hate to agree with Barney's 88 00:03:22,996 --> 00:03:24,145 near-paralyzing abandonment issues, 89 00:03:24,147 --> 00:03:25,530 but he has a point. 90 00:03:25,532 --> 00:03:26,698 You can't just stop living 91 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:28,483 because two of your friends moved away. 92 00:03:28,485 --> 00:03:29,868 Precisely. 93 00:03:29,870 --> 00:03:33,705 Now, as new group leader, I say we go out and do something 94 00:03:33,707 --> 00:03:36,124 that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. 95 00:03:36,126 --> 00:03:37,542 Ooh. 96 00:03:37,544 --> 00:03:42,380 Remember that amazing idea I had that one time? 97 00:03:42,382 --> 00:03:45,166 Let's go to a strip club. Nope. 98 00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:47,135 So what do you say? 99 00:03:47,137 --> 00:03:49,837 Let's declare our independence 100 00:03:49,839 --> 00:03:53,441 with an on-da-peen dance. 101 00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:56,895 On-the-peen dance. 102 00:03:56,897 --> 00:03:58,396 No, we got it. We got it. 103 00:03:58,398 --> 00:03:59,680 Let's go to a strip club! 104 00:03:59,682 --> 00:04:00,732 Well... 105 00:04:00,734 --> 00:04:02,016 I'm going to miss them anywhere. 106 00:04:02,018 --> 00:04:04,152 Might as well see some cans while I'm at it. 107 00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:05,353 I'll take it! 108 00:04:05,355 --> 00:04:07,122 Robin, Kevin, you in? 109 00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:09,991 Kids, early in any relationship, 110 00:04:09,993 --> 00:04:12,694 there's a phase where you don't say no to anything. 111 00:04:12,696 --> 00:04:15,430 Because you want to seem interesting... 112 00:04:15,432 --> 00:04:17,799 adventurous... 113 00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:19,551 and open-minded. 114 00:04:19,553 --> 00:04:21,669 I call it Early Relationship Chicken. 115 00:04:21,671 --> 00:04:23,888 Well, I'm open to anything. 116 00:04:23,890 --> 00:04:26,341 Oh, mos' def. 117 00:04:26,343 --> 00:04:28,209 So... So... 118 00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:30,562 I don't want to go to a strip club. 119 00:04:30,564 --> 00:04:32,097 I don't want to go to a strip club. 120 00:04:32,099 --> 00:04:34,315 But I don't want him to think I'm some prude. 121 00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:37,435 Man, we've been saying "so" for a while. 122 00:04:37,437 --> 00:04:39,437 Yeah! Yeah! 123 00:04:40,774 --> 00:04:41,940 Yes! 124 00:04:41,942 --> 00:04:44,659 Tonight is going to be legen-- 125 00:04:44,661 --> 00:04:46,945 Wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? 126 00:04:46,947 --> 00:04:50,832 Shut up, Lily! I'm in charge now-- dary! 127 00:04:52,551 --> 00:04:54,169 I've got no cell reception. 128 00:04:54,171 --> 00:04:55,787 I wanted to call Ted. 129 00:04:55,789 --> 00:04:56,871 This feels weird. 130 00:04:56,873 --> 00:04:58,573 The last time I lived this far from him 131 00:04:58,575 --> 00:04:59,624 was my semester abroad. 132 00:04:59,626 --> 00:05:01,626 You never did a semester abroad. 133 00:05:01,628 --> 00:05:03,077 That's what I called it when we lived 134 00:05:03,079 --> 00:05:04,946 on opposite sides of campus. 135 00:05:04,948 --> 00:05:06,965 Wrong! 136 00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:08,817 Please tell me you're not plugging that in there. 137 00:05:08,819 --> 00:05:11,803 Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing. 138 00:05:11,805 --> 00:05:13,421 All right, fine. I won't say anything. 139 00:05:13,423 --> 00:05:15,940 It's... just that this was my room 140 00:05:15,942 --> 00:05:17,258 when I growing up, 141 00:05:17,260 --> 00:05:19,477 so I know it a little better than you. 142 00:05:19,479 --> 00:05:22,263 Lot of great memories here. 143 00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,983 Mostly just discovering my body. 144 00:05:25,901 --> 00:05:27,202 That's it. 145 00:05:27,204 --> 00:05:28,536 Mickey, since you got here, 146 00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:30,822 you've been nothing but judgmental and pushy 147 00:05:30,824 --> 00:05:33,575 and strangely obsessed with your adolescent sex life. 148 00:05:33,577 --> 00:05:34,826 Tomorrow morning, 149 00:05:34,828 --> 00:05:36,611 you're out of here. 150 00:05:36,613 --> 00:05:38,779 Well, I-I've just been trying to help you... 151 00:05:38,781 --> 00:05:40,215 We don't need your help! 152 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,786 I... 153 00:05:45,788 --> 00:05:47,472 Oh, it-it's okay, baby. 154 00:05:47,474 --> 00:05:49,307 It had to be done. 155 00:05:55,665 --> 00:05:57,265 Too bad the one person 156 00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,133 who could stop you from making mistakes like that 157 00:05:59,135 --> 00:06:01,002 was told he has to move out next month. 158 00:06:01,004 --> 00:06:03,838 Tomorrow! Tomorrow! 159 00:06:04,924 --> 00:06:06,974 Would either of you like a dance? 160 00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:11,112 I'm always ready to rock. 161 00:06:11,114 --> 00:06:13,948 And I'm always ready to roll. 162 00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:16,284 So... So... 163 00:06:16,286 --> 00:06:18,503 I'm not ready to rock. 164 00:06:18,505 --> 00:06:20,672 Rolling makes me dizzy. 165 00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,292 Hell, yeah! Yeah! 166 00:06:24,294 --> 00:06:27,345 I'm buying my man a lap dance, 'cause that's just how I do! 167 00:06:27,347 --> 00:06:28,996 Party like a rock star! 168 00:06:28,998 --> 00:06:31,115 Party like a rock star... 169 00:06:31,117 --> 00:06:32,717 Uh, hey, guys. 170 00:06:32,719 --> 00:06:33,968 It's Ted. 171 00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,670 Um... you're probably busy with the move still. 172 00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:36,938 Um... 173 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:39,891 Give me a call if you want to gab. 174 00:06:39,893 --> 00:06:42,227 Sorry about using the word "gab." 175 00:06:42,229 --> 00:06:44,562 Ted, stop pining over Marshall and Lily. 176 00:06:44,564 --> 00:06:46,481 Have some self-respect. 177 00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:49,016 Now, put this fiver in your mouth so... 178 00:06:49,018 --> 00:06:51,018 that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with... 179 00:06:51,020 --> 00:06:52,237 Barney! Wh-what? 180 00:06:52,239 --> 00:06:53,621 I'm allowed to miss them, okay? 181 00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:54,956 They're my two best friends. 182 00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:56,457 I'm your two best friends! 183 00:06:57,359 --> 00:06:58,626 And we're here tonight 184 00:06:58,628 --> 00:07:01,195 to show you there's no need to miss something 185 00:07:01,197 --> 00:07:03,798 when you can replace it with something better. 186 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,634 Gentlemen, say hello to J-J-J-Jasmine! 187 00:07:18,013 --> 00:07:19,847 Remember her? 188 00:07:19,849 --> 00:07:22,850 - So, a while back, we discovered- 189 00:07:22,852 --> 00:07:24,351 Lily had a doppelganger 190 00:07:24,353 --> 00:07:27,888 who was a Russian stripper. 191 00:07:27,890 --> 00:07:29,423 Look at her, Ted. 192 00:07:29,425 --> 00:07:31,108 She's just like old, 193 00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:32,192 less-good Lily, 194 00:07:32,194 --> 00:07:33,527 but instead of bossing us around, 195 00:07:33,529 --> 00:07:34,778 she shows us her boobs. 196 00:07:34,780 --> 00:07:36,346 No touching. 197 00:07:36,348 --> 00:07:38,649 Okay, a little bossing us around. 198 00:07:38,651 --> 00:07:40,651 I call her Better Lily. 199 00:07:40,653 --> 00:07:44,038 Hey, Better Lily, please dance for my friend. 200 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,373 Barney, I don't need a lap dance. 201 00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:48,826 I need to talk to my friends. 202 00:07:48,828 --> 00:07:51,194 Who says you can't do both? 203 00:07:51,196 --> 00:07:52,880 Talk to her. She's got ears. 204 00:07:52,882 --> 00:07:55,031 Yes, she does have ears. 205 00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:57,084 You want to touch my girlfriend's boobs? 206 00:07:57,086 --> 00:07:58,552 50 bucks. 207 00:07:58,554 --> 00:08:02,222 Wait-- Better Lily is dating this behemoth? 208 00:08:02,224 --> 00:08:04,341 Sound like anyone you know? 209 00:08:04,343 --> 00:08:06,042 That's New Marshall. 210 00:08:06,978 --> 00:08:09,446 This is our gang now. 211 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,060 Hey, guys, Ted again. 212 00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:26,396 Starting to think you forgot about me. 213 00:08:26,398 --> 00:08:28,499 Or replaced me with some cool neighbor. 214 00:08:28,501 --> 00:08:29,950 What's his name?! 215 00:08:29,952 --> 00:08:31,735 I'm totally kidding. 216 00:08:31,737 --> 00:08:33,287 Anyway, uh... 217 00:08:33,289 --> 00:08:35,255 just trying to remember what your faces look like. 218 00:08:35,257 --> 00:08:37,174 Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, 219 00:08:37,176 --> 00:08:38,876 you're not allowed to show your vagina. 220 00:08:38,878 --> 00:08:42,096 100 bucks, and you will see the world, my friend. 221 00:08:42,098 --> 00:08:44,381 They're already ignoring my calls? 222 00:08:44,383 --> 00:08:45,933 Look, I'm realistic. 223 00:08:45,935 --> 00:08:48,685 I knew I'd have to get used to going to the dentist alone, 224 00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:50,554 but I didn't think they'd cut me out completely. 225 00:08:50,556 --> 00:08:51,555 If they don't 226 00:08:51,557 --> 00:08:53,640 need us, we don't need them. 227 00:08:53,642 --> 00:08:55,442 Yes! Finally! 228 00:08:55,444 --> 00:08:58,312 By the way, did you see how she opened that bottle? 229 00:09:00,698 --> 00:09:02,166 Whoa. 230 00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:05,085 Lights out in the suburbs is... is really dark. 231 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,436 Where's the fuse box? 232 00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:07,738 I don't know. 233 00:09:08,657 --> 00:09:10,574 I know where it is. 234 00:09:10,576 --> 00:09:14,244 Maybe I could fix it for you, if I wasn't so busy packing. 235 00:09:14,246 --> 00:09:15,612 You know what? 236 00:09:15,614 --> 00:09:17,614 I bet the fuse box is in the basement. 237 00:09:17,616 --> 00:09:19,133 I'll just... I'll go find it myself. 238 00:09:19,135 --> 00:09:20,467 How hard can it be? 239 00:09:21,637 --> 00:09:23,887 As hard as that desk you just walked into? 240 00:09:27,509 --> 00:09:29,092 Good burn, Mickey. 241 00:09:29,094 --> 00:09:32,062 You deserve a little nightstand fudge for that one. 242 00:09:32,064 --> 00:09:33,463 Where do I look? 243 00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:35,149 I mean, I can't look at her chest. 244 00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:36,517 Damn it! I just did. 245 00:09:36,519 --> 00:09:38,318 Maybe Robin didn't notice. 246 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,137 Man, he's really up in those jugs. 247 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,490 Shake it, baby! 248 00:09:43,492 --> 00:09:45,308 A playa's gotta play! 249 00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:46,777 This is weird. 250 00:09:46,779 --> 00:09:49,079 I'll just look her in the eyes. 251 00:09:49,081 --> 00:09:52,833 Is he falling in love with this stripper? 252 00:09:52,835 --> 00:09:54,150 Quick, do something cool. 253 00:09:55,003 --> 00:09:56,537 Make it rain, son! 254 00:09:56,539 --> 00:09:57,838 Money ain't no thang! 255 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,758 Damn it, there was a 20 in there. 256 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,500 Hello, Mr. Eriksen. 257 00:10:10,502 --> 00:10:12,102 From the sound of the wind chimes, 258 00:10:12,104 --> 00:10:14,354 I hear you've made it to the first floor. 259 00:10:14,356 --> 00:10:16,440 Okay... you know what, Mickey? 260 00:10:16,442 --> 00:10:20,143 You can save the creepy game master routine. 261 00:10:20,145 --> 00:10:23,063 It's only kind of terrifying me. 262 00:10:23,065 --> 00:10:25,532 Oh, but the game has just begun. 263 00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:28,351 I call it "Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff 264 00:10:28,353 --> 00:10:32,856 on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall." 265 00:10:32,858 --> 00:10:35,125 That's just a working title. 266 00:10:35,127 --> 00:10:36,627 Hey! 267 00:10:36,629 --> 00:10:39,580 Got a little boob glitter on your eyebrow, Mac Daddy. 268 00:10:39,582 --> 00:10:41,531 Straight pimpin'. 269 00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:43,634 Barney, you got a little bit, too. 270 00:10:43,636 --> 00:10:45,886 Where? 271 00:10:47,422 --> 00:10:48,555 Did I get it? 272 00:10:48,557 --> 00:10:49,706 Yeah, you got it. 273 00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:51,308 Who needs Marshall and Lily? 274 00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:53,227 We got a new gang, 275 00:10:53,229 --> 00:10:55,812 and we're all going to hang out together forever. 276 00:10:55,814 --> 00:10:57,264 My shift is done. 277 00:10:57,266 --> 00:10:58,432 Good-bye. 278 00:10:58,434 --> 00:11:00,050 Wait, stop! 279 00:11:00,052 --> 00:11:02,552 Technically, this song's not over, so we still own you. 280 00:11:02,554 --> 00:11:04,655 Plus we're best friends! 281 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,440 Where to next? 282 00:11:06,442 --> 00:11:07,941 We go to underground poker game 283 00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:10,277 in mostly-abandoned insane asylum. 284 00:11:10,279 --> 00:11:11,945 Yes! 285 00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:14,031 This is gonna be awesome, 286 00:11:14,033 --> 00:11:16,049 and when it is, I want you all to remember 287 00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,368 who led you there: Barney Stinson, 288 00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:20,254 new group leader. 289 00:11:30,598 --> 00:11:32,015 Yay! 290 00:11:32,017 --> 00:11:35,251 I'm winning all your chippies! 291 00:11:36,721 --> 00:11:38,272 Let's not drink when we're... 292 00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:39,273 I'm thirsty; it's good. 293 00:11:39,275 --> 00:11:40,607 It's good. 294 00:11:42,027 --> 00:11:43,477 Marshall, I just remembered 295 00:11:43,479 --> 00:11:46,530 I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can. 296 00:11:46,532 --> 00:11:48,732 Okay, thanks, baby. 297 00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:57,874 Lily, I can't find them. 298 00:11:57,876 --> 00:12:00,210 Looking for these? 299 00:12:02,164 --> 00:12:03,964 Oh, right, you can't see me. 300 00:12:03,966 --> 00:12:07,884 Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need. 301 00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:13,774 Aah, ooh, ow! 302 00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:15,642 Ow. 303 00:12:15,644 --> 00:12:16,677 Hah! Oh! 304 00:12:17,846 --> 00:12:20,630 Mickey... guess who found the basement stairs? 305 00:12:20,632 --> 00:12:22,966 I'll be down at that fuse box in no time, 306 00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:25,301 and when I get there, 307 00:12:25,303 --> 00:12:28,471 I'm sure that I'll figure out how fuse boxes work, 308 00:12:28,473 --> 00:12:29,806 so it'll be fine. 309 00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:31,158 Hey, Marshall, 310 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,410 I know I've been messing with you, 311 00:12:33,412 --> 00:12:35,812 but seriously, that second step, don't... 312 00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:37,914 I don't want to hear it, Mickey. 313 00:12:42,870 --> 00:12:43,920 Oh, my knee! 314 00:12:44,873 --> 00:12:45,872 Ow! 315 00:12:45,874 --> 00:12:49,092 And watch out for my drum set. 316 00:12:51,012 --> 00:12:52,679 I win again! 317 00:12:52,681 --> 00:12:53,930 I was bluffing. 318 00:12:53,932 --> 00:12:55,816 I didn't even have enough cards. 319 00:12:58,553 --> 00:13:00,503 Ted, please stop winning. 320 00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:03,056 Hey, look, it's the New York City skyline. 321 00:13:03,058 --> 00:13:05,058 ♪ We built Chip City 322 00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:06,193 Uh, uh! 323 00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:09,529 ♪ We built Chip City on all your dough ♪ 324 00:13:09,531 --> 00:13:11,898 ♪ Built Chip City Hit it! 325 00:13:17,843 --> 00:13:19,843 You know Butterfly-knife. 326 00:13:19,876 --> 00:13:22,878 I'd expect this from Face Tattoo... 327 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,697 or Jagged Cheek Scar, 328 00:13:24,699 --> 00:13:27,433 or Larry, 329 00:13:27,435 --> 00:13:28,267 but not you. 330 00:13:28,269 --> 00:13:30,168 Why don't I get nickname? 331 00:13:30,170 --> 00:13:31,637 Because you have too many things, Larry. 332 00:13:31,639 --> 00:13:32,855 You get one thing! 333 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,847 See, that's why you bring New Marshall. 334 00:13:47,954 --> 00:13:50,856 We go to party in slaughterhouse. 335 00:13:50,858 --> 00:13:52,358 You come? 336 00:13:52,909 --> 00:13:54,793 Please, God, no. 337 00:13:54,795 --> 00:13:59,999 Don't let me be in charge of the gang anymore. 338 00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:02,418 I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember me 339 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,887 from our sessions three years ago. 340 00:14:04,889 --> 00:14:06,005 Is that the lunatic 341 00:14:06,007 --> 00:14:08,390 that stabbed all those prison guards? 342 00:14:08,392 --> 00:14:10,592 We gotta hit that party! 343 00:14:10,594 --> 00:14:11,927 I'll never find love. 344 00:14:11,929 --> 00:14:14,212 We got to hit that party! 345 00:14:14,214 --> 00:14:16,482 Sweet. 346 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,351 Lily? 347 00:14:19,353 --> 00:14:22,938 I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs. 348 00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,907 I miss our home. 349 00:14:24,909 --> 00:14:27,860 I miss our booth with our friends. 350 00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:33,582 And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... 351 00:14:33,584 --> 00:14:36,235 somewhere bad. 352 00:14:36,237 --> 00:14:38,570 Dad, why are you acting like this? 353 00:14:38,572 --> 00:14:40,739 Well, I was just trying to be helpful, 354 00:14:40,741 --> 00:14:43,125 but you guys want me out by the Fourth of July. 355 00:14:43,127 --> 00:14:44,176 Tomorrow. 356 00:14:45,096 --> 00:14:47,012 You know what a helpful father, 357 00:14:47,014 --> 00:14:49,465 not to mention grandfather, might do? 358 00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:52,017 Get these lights back on. 359 00:14:57,424 --> 00:14:59,058 Okay, Marshall, listen up. 360 00:14:59,060 --> 00:15:01,143 I'm gonna get you to that fuse box. 361 00:15:01,145 --> 00:15:04,146 Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please? 362 00:15:04,148 --> 00:15:06,198 I don't know anything about this house. 363 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,399 No, Marshall... 364 00:15:07,401 --> 00:15:10,652 you don't know anything about your house. 365 00:15:13,957 --> 00:15:17,109 All right, we got a lot of work to do. 366 00:15:17,111 --> 00:15:19,828 Wait here, we get you 367 00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:22,114 on VPI list for party. 368 00:15:22,116 --> 00:15:25,634 You give us, uh, $200 per person. 369 00:15:25,636 --> 00:15:26,835 Cover charge. 370 00:15:26,837 --> 00:15:29,254 That's pretty steep for a cover charge. 371 00:15:29,256 --> 00:15:31,423 Is very good party. 372 00:15:31,425 --> 00:15:36,328 Is party for, uh, New York "Yunkees" and Coca-Cola. 373 00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:37,679 Oh, my God. 374 00:15:37,681 --> 00:15:39,681 A Coca-Cola Yankees party? 375 00:15:39,683 --> 00:15:41,900 That sounds like a real thing. 376 00:15:44,521 --> 00:15:47,172 Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward, 377 00:15:47,174 --> 00:15:50,275 while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan. 378 00:15:51,411 --> 00:15:52,511 Now look to your left 379 00:15:52,513 --> 00:15:54,530 and spit. 380 00:15:56,033 --> 00:15:57,166 That's the water heater. 381 00:15:57,168 --> 00:15:58,617 Want to stay away from that. 382 00:15:58,619 --> 00:16:02,871 That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard. 383 00:16:02,873 --> 00:16:07,009 Okay, now past the washer and dryer is the hardest part. 384 00:16:07,011 --> 00:16:10,345 You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table 385 00:16:10,347 --> 00:16:12,264 and don't so much as nudge it. 386 00:16:12,266 --> 00:16:13,348 Why not? 387 00:16:13,350 --> 00:16:16,185 Because there are 900 dominos set up 388 00:16:16,187 --> 00:16:18,020 in the shape of Barbara Eden. 389 00:16:18,022 --> 00:16:20,639 Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan. 390 00:16:24,694 --> 00:16:25,644 I'm clear. 391 00:16:31,118 --> 00:16:33,735 I don't know what that sound is, Mickey. 392 00:16:33,737 --> 00:16:35,854 That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me. 393 00:16:35,856 --> 00:16:36,905 That's what that is. 394 00:16:36,907 --> 00:16:38,824 Dad, get it back. 395 00:16:38,826 --> 00:16:41,960 Come on. 396 00:16:41,962 --> 00:16:44,546 Okay, Marshall, 397 00:16:44,548 --> 00:16:46,248 take three steps forward, 398 00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,667 and you should be at the fuse box. 399 00:16:48,669 --> 00:16:50,836 Do you think he made it? 400 00:16:54,424 --> 00:16:56,058 I did it! 401 00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:57,509 No, Marshall... 402 00:16:57,511 --> 00:16:59,728 you did it. 403 00:17:02,182 --> 00:17:04,183 Fun fact: that night inspired 404 00:17:04,185 --> 00:17:06,351 Mickey's one and only successful board game-- 405 00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:10,189 ♪ With splintery floorboards and rusty nails ♪ 406 00:17:10,191 --> 00:17:14,693 ♪ Make sure you don't get impaled ♪ 407 00:17:14,695 --> 00:17:15,961 ♪ Lites Out! 408 00:17:15,963 --> 00:17:18,864 Brought to you by Aldrin Games! 409 00:17:18,866 --> 00:17:21,200 Well, judging from how many clients 410 00:17:21,202 --> 00:17:23,068 that hooker has serviced, 411 00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:24,670 I'd say we've been here almost an hour. 412 00:17:24,672 --> 00:17:26,788 Ted, we've been robbed. 413 00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:29,908 Better Lily and New Marshall would never rob us. 414 00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,827 They're our best friends. 415 00:17:37,267 --> 00:17:38,917 Damn it, Ted. 416 00:17:38,919 --> 00:17:41,386 New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear 417 00:17:41,388 --> 00:17:44,690 and the only thing that Better Lily is better at than our Lily 418 00:17:44,692 --> 00:17:46,391 is over-the-pants hand stuff. 419 00:17:46,393 --> 00:17:48,760 I'm assuming. 420 00:17:48,762 --> 00:17:49,945 I'll admit it. 421 00:17:49,947 --> 00:17:51,446 I can't lead this group. 422 00:17:51,448 --> 00:17:53,232 We need Marshall and Lily. 423 00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:55,100 But they're gone, aren't they? 424 00:17:55,102 --> 00:17:57,569 I mean, it'll go from seeing them a couple times a week, 425 00:17:57,571 --> 00:17:59,371 to a couple times a month, 426 00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:01,707 and then it'll just be holiday parties. 427 00:18:02,408 --> 00:18:04,576 Then the years pass, 428 00:18:04,578 --> 00:18:06,245 and you find out Marshall's dead, 429 00:18:06,247 --> 00:18:08,797 and you're there for Lily emotionally at first, 430 00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:12,117 but then it becomes sexual, and you feel guilty, 431 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:15,087 but maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better... 432 00:18:15,089 --> 00:18:16,454 No, I won't let that happen. 433 00:18:16,456 --> 00:18:18,006 Especially that last part. 434 00:18:19,175 --> 00:18:21,626 Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, 435 00:18:21,628 --> 00:18:22,678 but here's what's gonna happen. 436 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,012 First, we're gonna leave a note 437 00:18:24,014 --> 00:18:26,064 for Better Lily and Arvydas, they're worriers. 438 00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:27,516 Oh, buddy. Then, 439 00:18:27,518 --> 00:18:30,269 we're gonna go see Only Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily 440 00:18:30,271 --> 00:18:31,636 because they're our best friends 441 00:18:31,638 --> 00:18:32,971 and they're only 46 minutes away. 442 00:18:32,973 --> 00:18:34,239 Are you with me? 443 00:18:34,241 --> 00:18:36,525 Kind of resent the power grab, but okay, let's go! 444 00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:37,642 Hey, 445 00:18:37,644 --> 00:18:39,494 do you want to come to Long Island with us? 446 00:18:39,496 --> 00:18:42,948 Uh, well, still a few more hours before the sun comes up. 447 00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:44,666 So... 448 00:18:44,668 --> 00:18:46,251 No. No? 449 00:18:46,253 --> 00:18:47,152 Is that bad? 450 00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:49,871 No, it's great. 451 00:18:49,873 --> 00:18:51,340 Ooh, that felt so good. 452 00:18:51,342 --> 00:18:53,658 I hate doing things and going anywhere! 453 00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:54,926 Oh, new experiences suck! 454 00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:58,347 While we're at it, I hate high-fiving you! 455 00:18:58,349 --> 00:18:59,514 I know. 456 00:18:59,516 --> 00:19:00,882 We're adults who are sleeping together, 457 00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:02,718 not teens pledging a frat. 458 00:19:07,473 --> 00:19:10,892 Oh, man, I really liked the high-five. 459 00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:15,180 The next morning, Marshall and Lily woke up to a surprise. 460 00:19:21,287 --> 00:19:24,272 Hey, what are... what are you guys doing here? 461 00:19:24,274 --> 00:19:28,660 Just wanted to make sure this key worked. 462 00:19:28,662 --> 00:19:31,029 We missed you. 463 00:19:31,031 --> 00:19:33,131 Give mama a hug. 464 00:19:34,217 --> 00:19:36,201 Oh... 465 00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:37,969 Don't check your voicemail. 466 00:19:37,971 --> 00:19:39,755 Y-You might have a couple weird ones. 467 00:19:39,757 --> 00:19:41,390 You hear this?! 468 00:19:41,392 --> 00:19:43,492 This is the sound of me moving on. 469 00:19:48,331 --> 00:19:52,601 Yeah, I'm a stripper. 470 00:19:52,603 --> 00:19:55,637 Okay, who wants pancakes? 471 00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:59,941 Which two of you want pancakes? 472 00:19:59,943 --> 00:20:01,076 I'll make more. 473 00:20:01,078 --> 00:20:02,110 Oh, good-good-good, 'cause I want pancakes. 474 00:20:02,112 --> 00:20:03,195 There you go. 475 00:20:03,197 --> 00:20:04,446 Thank you, okay. 476 00:20:04,448 --> 00:20:05,881 Enjoy them. 477 00:20:05,883 --> 00:20:07,649 Hey, honey, look, 478 00:20:07,651 --> 00:20:09,117 I'm sorry I was a jerk before. 479 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,503 Okay? I'll leave right after breakfast. 480 00:20:11,505 --> 00:20:13,171 I'll crash with some friends. 481 00:20:13,173 --> 00:20:14,623 Dad, you know what? 482 00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:15,907 You can stay. 483 00:20:15,909 --> 00:20:16,758 Oh, thank God. 484 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,743 I got no friends. 485 00:20:18,745 --> 00:20:20,595 I'll be here two weeks, tops. 486 00:20:20,597 --> 00:20:23,632 It wasn't two weeks. 487 00:20:23,634 --> 00:20:25,417 Would the five of us always live 488 00:20:25,419 --> 00:20:27,352 within a few minutes of that booth? 489 00:20:27,354 --> 00:20:31,345 No, that's life, kids, but here's what I discovered. 490 00:20:32,423 --> 00:20:34,840 Our booth was wherever the five of us were together. 491 00:20:41,677 --> 00:20:43,361 That's right, Widow Rodriguez. 492 00:20:43,363 --> 00:20:44,696 Stretch it. 493 00:20:44,698 --> 00:20:46,347 Work those gams. 494 00:20:46,349 --> 00:20:48,216 Ooh, yeah. 495 00:20:48,218 --> 00:20:49,901 Grab that left arm. 496 00:20:49,903 --> 00:20:52,203 Clutch that chest. 497 00:20:52,205 --> 00:20:54,749 Fall down really fast. 498 00:20:55,014 --> 00:20:57,503 Oh, my God! Somebody call 911!