1
00:00:03,693 --> 00:00:05,430
Sorry this is
taking so long.
2
00:00:05,431 --> 00:00:07,799
He kicked for everybody else.
3
00:00:08,105 --> 00:00:10,405
It's hard for the little guy
to perform under pressure.
4
00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:12,591
Top ten things Marshall
said on his wedding night.
5
00:00:13,844 --> 00:00:15,577
Whoa! It was small, but
I think I felt something.
6
00:00:15,579 --> 00:00:18,079
Top ten things Lily said
on her wedding night.
7
00:00:18,081 --> 00:00:20,048
Stop laughing
at it, Lily.
8
00:00:20,050 --> 00:00:22,083
Top ten things Marshall said
on his wedding night!
9
00:00:22,085 --> 00:00:23,268
Can we please talk
about something
10
00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:24,386
other than my wedding night?
11
00:00:24,388 --> 00:00:26,888
Absolutely. Let's talk
about last night.
12
00:00:26,890 --> 00:00:29,257
It was a night
like any other.
13
00:00:29,259 --> 00:00:31,259
I was just about
to get laid...
14
00:00:31,261 --> 00:00:33,478
Hey, Barney,
I need your help.
15
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:35,113
This hottie I'm talking to
is meeting her friend
16
00:00:35,115 --> 00:00:36,565
at a club,
so I need a wingman.
17
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:38,950
Well, just so you know, I'd be
giving up a sure thing here.
18
00:00:38,952 --> 00:00:40,035
Hey!
19
00:00:40,037 --> 00:00:41,870
Are you not a sure thing?
20
00:00:41,872 --> 00:00:44,206
Yeah, I am.
21
00:00:45,575 --> 00:00:47,626
This "friend" of yours
better be even hotter
22
00:00:47,628 --> 00:00:49,127
and dumber than this one.
23
00:00:49,129 --> 00:00:52,614
Wow! You have Enormous
Penis Syndrome?
24
00:00:52,616 --> 00:00:54,666
I've never heard of that.
Yeah.
25
00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:57,052
That's the problem with E.P.S.:
lack of awareness.
26
00:00:57,054 --> 00:00:59,087
That's why I'm
organizing a 10K fun-run.
27
00:00:59,089 --> 00:01:02,657
Of course, many of us
will need wheelbarrows.
28
00:01:02,659 --> 00:01:04,959
You are so brave.
29
00:01:04,961 --> 00:01:06,961
And you are so understanding.
30
00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:08,930
Most people
just stare at me
31
00:01:08,932 --> 00:01:11,900
like I'm some kind of freak
in reinforced underwear.
32
00:01:11,902 --> 00:01:13,735
Poor, baby.
33
00:01:13,737 --> 00:01:15,604
I can't imagine
what you're going through
34
00:01:15,606 --> 00:01:17,138
because I never wear underwear.
35
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:18,490
Jackpot!
36
00:01:18,492 --> 00:01:19,974
You want to get out of here?
37
00:01:19,976 --> 00:01:22,577
Oh, I don't know. This is all
moving kind of fast. Okay.
38
00:01:22,579 --> 00:01:24,079
Oh, but before we go,
39
00:01:24,081 --> 00:01:26,031
I should mention my condition.
40
00:01:26,033 --> 00:01:29,534
It's called: I'm Not
a Gullible Dumbass Disorder.
41
00:01:29,536 --> 00:01:31,870
As the former Surgeon General,
I've got to say,
42
00:01:31,872 --> 00:01:33,788
I don't think
that's the real thing.
43
00:01:33,790 --> 00:01:35,040
Okay, just stop.
44
00:01:35,042 --> 00:01:36,491
You have no chance with me.
45
00:01:36,493 --> 00:01:38,460
We're just here as backups
for our friends.
46
00:01:38,462 --> 00:01:39,594
Hey, how did you two meet,
anyway?
47
00:01:39,596 --> 00:01:41,513
No, we're not doing
that first date dance
48
00:01:41,515 --> 00:01:43,215
where you pretend everything
I say is fascinating,
49
00:01:43,217 --> 00:01:45,884
thinking it'll somehow
get you into my pants.
50
00:01:45,886 --> 00:01:47,802
What? Guys don't do that!
51
00:01:47,804 --> 00:01:49,855
Goat cheese?
Fascinating!
52
00:01:49,857 --> 00:01:52,140
What else
are you allergic to, huh?
53
00:01:53,459 --> 00:01:56,344
You owe me three hours
for last night, Mosby.
54
00:01:56,346 --> 00:01:57,979
I'm thinking,
55
00:01:57,981 --> 00:02:01,316
laser tag tournament
in Newark this weekend.
56
00:02:01,318 --> 00:02:03,351
Ted can pass for
under 18, right?
57
00:02:03,353 --> 00:02:04,653
It's a father-son thing.
58
00:02:04,655 --> 00:02:06,538
Marshall, we should
get going. Any later,
59
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,590
and we'll be riding the Drunk Train.
Oh.
60
00:02:08,592 --> 00:02:09,407
The Drunk Train?
61
00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:10,959
It's the last train
of the night
62
00:02:10,961 --> 00:02:12,444
back to Long Island.
It's a mess.
63
00:02:12,446 --> 00:02:13,795
Just a bunch of drunk,
64
00:02:13,797 --> 00:02:17,232
sloppy idiots, fresh off a
night of partying in the city,
65
00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:20,168
just desperate to hook up
with anything that moves.
66
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:21,086
Yeah.
Bye.
67
00:02:21,088 --> 00:02:22,470
See you.
68
00:02:22,472 --> 00:02:24,723
New plan, Ted.
69
00:02:24,725 --> 00:02:26,758
So this father-son thing.
70
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,477
You know, a backwards baseball
cap really youngs me down.
71
00:02:29,479 --> 00:02:30,562
All aboard!
72
00:02:30,586 --> 00:02:38,586
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
73
00:02:45,273 --> 00:02:47,625
- For Valentine's weekend,
Lily and Marshall invited
74
00:02:47,627 --> 00:02:49,961
Kevin and Robin on a couple's
getaway to Vermont.
75
00:02:49,963 --> 00:02:52,046
Mmm.
76
00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:54,465
16 years together,
and still so in love.
77
00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:55,949
- Mm.
- What's your secret?
78
00:02:55,951 --> 00:02:58,452
The key to relationships is
understanding the difference
79
00:02:58,454 --> 00:03:00,304
between hearing
and listening.
80
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:01,722
It's about respecting
your partner's...
81
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:02,890
Opinions on...
82
00:03:02,892 --> 00:03:05,476
Hey, shh, shh, shh.
Kind of on a roll here.
83
00:03:05,478 --> 00:03:08,295
Relationships are
a give and take,
84
00:03:08,297 --> 00:03:12,350
and that's why it's important
to never keep score.
85
00:03:12,352 --> 00:03:13,334
Yeah, like how
86
00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:14,568
Barney's holding
these three hours
87
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:15,686
over Ted's head.
88
00:03:15,688 --> 00:03:17,905
If they were a couple,
they'd never work.
89
00:03:17,907 --> 00:03:21,308
Obviously. Ted's a Taurus,
and Barney is such a Scorpio.
90
00:03:21,310 --> 00:03:22,643
Good advice.
Don't keep score.
91
00:03:22,645 --> 00:03:24,412
They're not even
close to finished.
92
00:03:24,414 --> 00:03:25,701
How do we not keep
score, you ask?
93
00:03:25,726 --> 00:03:26,415
Huh. Hm.
94
00:03:26,416 --> 00:03:29,245
Sounds like somebody want
to hear some examples, sweetie.
95
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:29,951
Mm-hmm.
96
00:03:29,952 --> 00:03:32,453
I'm just gonna close my
eyes until it's all over.
97
00:03:32,455 --> 00:03:34,655
Top ten things Lily said
on her wedding night.
98
00:03:34,657 --> 00:03:36,540
Solid.
99
00:03:36,542 --> 00:03:37,758
Here's one.
100
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,044
Every time Marshall's
mom comes to visit us,
101
00:03:40,046 --> 00:03:43,381
we have to put out all
the tacky Minnesota gifts
102
00:03:43,383 --> 00:03:45,833
she's bought us over the years.
103
00:03:45,835 --> 00:03:47,835
Hi, Mom!
Hi, Mrs. Eriksen!
104
00:03:47,837 --> 00:03:50,104
Marshall.
105
00:03:51,339 --> 00:03:54,141
Uh-huh. I don't see
106
00:03:54,143 --> 00:03:57,445
the gopher-hair tea cozy
I made you.
107
00:03:57,447 --> 00:04:00,031
Guess it wasn't
good enough for Lily.
108
00:04:00,033 --> 00:04:02,233
But I'd never hold
that over Marshall,
109
00:04:02,235 --> 00:04:04,852
because if I did,
he'd owe me big-time.
110
00:04:04,854 --> 00:04:07,405
Just like I would never
hold it over you
111
00:04:07,407 --> 00:04:11,125
for dragging me to that
experimental theater piece.
112
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,669
Is it... is it
just screaming?
113
00:04:23,672 --> 00:04:25,923
But we don't keep score.
114
00:04:25,925 --> 00:04:28,041
Gotcha, loud and clear.
Don't keep score.
115
00:04:28,043 --> 00:04:30,094
Because if we did, then
Marshall would owe me
116
00:04:30,096 --> 00:04:31,729
for killing my
cousin's dog.
117
00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:33,881
How did I know
that he would eat my wallet?
118
00:04:33,883 --> 00:04:36,100
Why was your wallet filled
with chocolate?!
119
00:04:36,102 --> 00:04:38,569
So we're back
to this argument!
120
00:04:38,571 --> 00:04:40,721
That night, Barney
and I found ourselves
121
00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:43,223
in a strange,
new universe called...
122
00:04:43,225 --> 00:04:44,558
The Drunk Train.
123
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,494
Hey!
124
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:53,501
Where has this heavenly vehicle
been all my life?
125
00:04:53,503 --> 00:04:56,036
Can you hear
its inspiring chant, Ted?
126
00:04:56,038 --> 00:04:59,673
I think I can get laid,
I think I can get laid.
127
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,792
It's-it's The Little Engine
with Wood,
128
00:05:01,794 --> 00:05:03,711
The Whore-ient Express.
129
00:05:03,713 --> 00:05:05,078
The Long Island Tail Road!
130
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,098
Oh, I got one.
131
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:08,599
Thomas the Spank Engine!
132
00:05:08,601 --> 00:05:11,018
Ted, that is a children's book.
133
00:05:14,756 --> 00:05:16,974
Okay, as fun as this
place is, it's late.
134
00:05:16,976 --> 00:05:18,025
So, what's our play?
135
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:19,443
And don't say, "The
Siamese Twins""
136
00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:21,595
We're not stretching out
another one of my jackets.
137
00:05:21,597 --> 00:05:23,614
No, dude, this is
the Drunk Train.
138
00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:24,815
We don't need a play!
139
00:05:24,817 --> 00:05:27,485
All we have to do is sit back,
play it cool,
140
00:05:27,487 --> 00:05:30,154
scope out the hotties,
and by the end of the line,
141
00:05:30,156 --> 00:05:33,273
we will totally be
sleeping with someone.
142
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:41,749
You know,
you are so great.
143
00:05:41,751 --> 00:05:44,301
You sat there listening
to Marshall and Lily
144
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:46,787
bicker all night,
and you didn't complain once.
145
00:05:46,789 --> 00:05:49,056
Well, I am a therapist,
so I do plan on billing them.
146
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:52,292
I also have a couple powerful
medications that might help.
147
00:05:52,294 --> 00:05:53,594
Lily can't take anything;
she's pregnant.
148
00:05:53,596 --> 00:05:55,062
I meant for us.
149
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:56,647
If we're getting through
five more meals
150
00:05:56,649 --> 00:05:58,315
and a sleigh ride
with those guys,
151
00:05:58,317 --> 00:05:59,817
we need to be spaced out
of our gourds.
152
00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:01,819
Well, if we are keeping score,
153
00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:04,304
I owe you one weekend, mister.
154
00:06:04,306 --> 00:06:06,139
I was thinking
a little longer than that.
155
00:06:06,141 --> 00:06:08,325
What do you mean?
156
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,914
Robin, will you marry me?
157
00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:21,794
Look, I know this is fast.
158
00:06:21,796 --> 00:06:23,996
I'm just excited
to start a life with you.
159
00:06:23,998 --> 00:06:25,414
If that's what you want.
160
00:06:26,967 --> 00:06:28,968
Wow.
161
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,719
Um...
162
00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:33,389
I'm-I'm not saying no.
163
00:06:33,391 --> 00:06:35,707
I'm-I'm not saying anything.
164
00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:39,095
I just, um...
I-I need some time to think.
165
00:06:39,097 --> 00:06:40,429
I totally understand.
166
00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:42,481
Um, take as much time
as you need.
167
00:06:42,483 --> 00:06:46,402
I'll just, uh... I'll just keep
this here until you're ready.
168
00:06:54,161 --> 00:06:56,445
Any chance we could put
that bad boy away for now?
169
00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:59,281
It's really just staring
at us, isn't it?
170
00:06:59,283 --> 00:07:01,951
Ted! Ted! Ted!
171
00:07:01,953 --> 00:07:04,286
I thought of some new
great names for the Drunk Train.
172
00:07:04,288 --> 00:07:05,504
Slamtrak!
173
00:07:05,506 --> 00:07:06,455
Uh-huh.
174
00:07:06,457 --> 00:07:09,125
The Chatta-Nookie Choo-Choo!
175
00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:11,743
Thomas the Spank Engine!
I said that one yesterday.
176
00:07:11,745 --> 00:07:13,762
I don't think you did.
177
00:07:13,764 --> 00:07:15,764
Wow. Someone's had some coffee.
178
00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:17,249
Yeah. 18 cups!
179
00:07:17,251 --> 00:07:19,935
There is no way
I'm falling asleep tonight!
180
00:07:19,937 --> 00:07:22,471
That Quinn girl is so wrong.
181
00:07:22,473 --> 00:07:24,473
She said I could never
love anything,
182
00:07:24,475 --> 00:07:26,609
but I love this train!
183
00:07:26,611 --> 00:07:29,261
She said you could never
love anything? That's intense.
184
00:07:29,263 --> 00:07:31,647
Oh, you have no idea.
185
00:07:33,934 --> 00:07:35,651
Stop staring.
Not gonna happen.
186
00:07:35,653 --> 00:07:38,770
Is there any way we can start
over and get to know each other?
187
00:07:38,772 --> 00:07:41,740
I already know you.
Oh, really?
188
00:07:41,742 --> 00:07:44,543
- You wear a suit all the time.
- Obviously.
189
00:07:44,545 --> 00:07:45,911
You have a stupid rule
about everything.
190
00:07:45,913 --> 00:07:47,746
I pay for the meal,
you handle my deal.
191
00:07:47,748 --> 00:07:48,964
That's just good manners.
192
00:07:48,966 --> 00:07:51,383
But you end most nights
alone at a strip club,
193
00:07:51,385 --> 00:07:52,968
feeling empty inside,
telling yourself
194
00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:57,556
your life is somehow epic
or classic or... legendary.
195
00:07:57,558 --> 00:08:01,143
I never say epic or classic.
196
00:08:01,145 --> 00:08:03,562
Do you practice the dark arts?
197
00:08:04,814 --> 00:08:06,582
No, they did not
forget the potato salad
198
00:08:06,584 --> 00:08:08,651
in your takeout order!
199
00:08:08,653 --> 00:08:10,686
Wh-What happened next?!
200
00:08:10,688 --> 00:08:12,304
For the last time, I'm sorry.
201
00:08:12,306 --> 00:08:13,639
It's okay.
202
00:08:13,641 --> 00:08:14,940
Your debt is paid.
203
00:08:14,942 --> 00:08:17,526
You don't have to come
on the Drunk Train anymore.
204
00:08:17,528 --> 00:08:19,195
You're never gonna meet
the one there, anyway.
205
00:08:19,197 --> 00:08:21,447
- Oh, screw the one!
- What?
206
00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:24,033
Every date I've been on lately
has been brutal.
207
00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:25,951
Last week, I went out
with a girl
208
00:08:25,953 --> 00:08:27,953
whose favorite band was Glee.
209
00:08:27,955 --> 00:08:29,321
Plus, it's almost
Valentine's Day,
210
00:08:29,323 --> 00:08:32,157
and I'm alone without
anything close to a girlfriend.
211
00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:34,877
So... all aboard!
212
00:08:34,879 --> 00:08:39,131
I have never been more proud
of you.
213
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:41,100
Come on.
214
00:08:41,102 --> 00:08:43,335
Ted, tonight is gonna be epic--
215
00:08:43,337 --> 00:08:46,272
wait for it-- dary! Wait.
216
00:08:46,274 --> 00:08:47,389
No, that's not it.
217
00:08:47,391 --> 00:08:49,692
How do I usually say it?
I hate this Quinn girl!
218
00:08:51,578 --> 00:08:53,946
Well,
219
00:08:53,948 --> 00:08:55,648
I propose we order
a bottle of wine.
220
00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:57,533
- Propose!
- Not propose. Suggest.
221
00:08:57,535 --> 00:08:59,735
I'm not married to the idea.
Lily, take it.
222
00:08:59,737 --> 00:09:01,904
Why don't we get an appetizer?
223
00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:04,406
How about the...
onion rings?
224
00:09:04,408 --> 00:09:05,374
I mean, diamond rings.
225
00:09:05,376 --> 00:09:07,626
I mean,
diamond circles.
226
00:09:07,628 --> 00:09:09,295
I mean, onion circles.
227
00:09:09,297 --> 00:09:10,462
I know they're fattening,
228
00:09:10,464 --> 00:09:12,881
but I hear this place
has great onion circles.
229
00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:16,368
So, Robin,
about not telling them?
230
00:09:18,088 --> 00:09:21,023
The green salad
looks interesting.
231
00:09:22,592 --> 00:09:24,393
You're so much better
without him.
232
00:09:24,395 --> 00:09:27,096
If you ask me,
Vinnie's a real jerk.
233
00:09:27,098 --> 00:09:28,847
Hey, don't you dare
badmouth Vinnie!
234
00:09:28,849 --> 00:09:30,182
Ow!
235
00:09:30,184 --> 00:09:31,400
So what do you do?
236
00:09:31,402 --> 00:09:33,652
Well, I teach architecture,
and I also...
237
00:09:33,654 --> 00:09:34,903
Oh, big man with a job.
238
00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:36,272
You think yore better than me?
239
00:09:36,274 --> 00:09:37,439
What...
240
00:09:40,193 --> 00:09:42,194
So... where do you live?
241
00:09:42,196 --> 00:09:43,579
I'm on the
Upper West Side.
242
00:09:43,581 --> 00:09:46,115
Oh, big man.
Living in Manhattan.
243
00:09:46,117 --> 00:09:48,200
What, you think you're
better than me?
244
00:09:48,202 --> 00:09:50,085
Ehhh!
245
00:09:53,923 --> 00:09:56,292
Ehhhh!
246
00:09:56,294 --> 00:09:58,076
You think you're
better than me?!
247
00:09:59,596 --> 00:10:01,180
Well, it's a close one.
248
00:10:01,182 --> 00:10:03,882
Lily made 14 awkward
references to marriage,
249
00:10:03,884 --> 00:10:05,134
and Marshall made an even 60.
250
00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:07,553
I'm so sorry, Kevin.
251
00:10:07,555 --> 00:10:09,221
It's okay. I'm gonna
go to bed, but
252
00:10:09,223 --> 00:10:11,357
you guys think tomorrow we can
stop with all the marriage talk?
253
00:10:11,359 --> 00:10:12,424
I do.
I do.
254
00:10:12,426 --> 00:10:14,760
That's a half a point each.
255
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:16,061
See you in a minute.
256
00:10:16,063 --> 00:10:17,813
Okay.
257
00:10:17,815 --> 00:10:19,097
So?
258
00:10:19,099 --> 00:10:21,617
Are you any closer to deciding?
Ooh...
259
00:10:21,619 --> 00:10:26,238
Uh... well, there is something
you don't know.
260
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,773
Um...
261
00:10:27,775 --> 00:10:28,991
Can you guys keep a secret?
262
00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:31,243
Yeah.
Well, some of us can.
263
00:10:32,245 --> 00:10:33,462
Well, there's something
264
00:10:33,464 --> 00:10:35,748
I have been keeping
from everyone
265
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,466
for the last couple of months.
266
00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:39,635
Um...
267
00:10:39,637 --> 00:10:42,671
I found out that
I can't have children.
268
00:10:46,593 --> 00:10:48,143
- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.
269
00:10:48,145 --> 00:10:49,179
Are you okay?
270
00:10:49,204 --> 00:10:50,604
I can't believe
that we didn't know.
271
00:10:50,648 --> 00:10:52,231
No, you know,
I've had some...
272
00:10:52,233 --> 00:10:55,601
time to deal with this
by myself, and...
273
00:10:55,603 --> 00:10:56,769
I'm okay.
274
00:10:56,771 --> 00:10:57,903
For real.
275
00:10:57,905 --> 00:10:59,188
Are you sure?
276
00:10:59,190 --> 00:11:01,323
Yeah. So...
277
00:11:01,325 --> 00:11:03,409
even though I love Kevin
278
00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:06,245
and I... think
I want to say yes,
279
00:11:06,247 --> 00:11:08,280
I can't until I tell him.
280
00:11:08,282 --> 00:11:09,248
But I'm scared
281
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,482
it'll end our relationship.
282
00:11:10,484 --> 00:11:11,784
You
know what, Robin?
283
00:11:11,786 --> 00:11:14,753
If it's meant to be,
then it won't matter.
284
00:11:14,755 --> 00:11:17,489
Yeah, you just
have to tell him.
285
00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:22,294
Thank God we had the keys
to Marshall and Lily's place.
286
00:11:22,296 --> 00:11:24,996
Pretty sure I told you that before
you kicked in that side window.
287
00:11:24,998 --> 00:11:29,768
You mean, before the "burglars"
kicked in that side window
288
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:32,721
and stole all
of Lily's underwear.
289
00:11:33,691 --> 00:11:36,191
What the hell happened
on that train?
290
00:11:36,193 --> 00:11:38,193
It was absolute chaos.
291
00:11:38,195 --> 00:11:41,780
Ted, when I was at M.I.T.,
my favorite Einstein quote was:
292
00:11:41,782 --> 00:11:44,366
"God doesn't play dice
with the universe."
293
00:11:44,368 --> 00:11:45,768
You didn't go to M.I.T.
294
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:48,186
I didn't?
295
00:11:48,188 --> 00:11:52,157
Huh. I actually have no idea
where you went to college.
296
00:11:52,992 --> 00:11:54,960
Who are you?
297
00:11:54,962 --> 00:11:59,248
If we analyze the seemingly
random patterns of the train,
298
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,700
taking into account
standard deviation,
299
00:12:01,702 --> 00:12:04,553
and assuming that
epsilon approaches zero
300
00:12:04,555 --> 00:12:06,555
as angle delta approaches pi,
301
00:12:06,557 --> 00:12:08,590
we can conclude...
302
00:12:10,377 --> 00:12:12,177
Damn it, Ted!
303
00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:15,230
I was about to drop some
sweet word play about logarithms
304
00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:17,900
and getting into a rhythm
with my log.
305
00:12:17,902 --> 00:12:20,486
I'll remember it.
306
00:12:20,488 --> 00:12:23,405
The next morning, Robin
mustered up all her courage
307
00:12:23,407 --> 00:12:25,524
and finally told Kevin
her secret.
308
00:12:25,526 --> 00:12:28,610
I know that this is a
lot to process, so...
309
00:12:28,612 --> 00:12:30,662
you take all the
time you need.
310
00:12:30,664 --> 00:12:33,916
And I understand...
Robin...
311
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:36,318
will you marry me?
312
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,403
Yes.
313
00:12:45,462 --> 00:12:46,304
What are you doing?
314
00:12:46,405 --> 00:12:48,522
The top speed of the Drunk Train
is 73 miles per hour,
315
00:12:48,524 --> 00:12:51,692
and you factor in an aggregate
of 32 boobs per car,
316
00:12:51,694 --> 00:12:53,828
28 of which are motorboatable,
317
00:12:53,830 --> 00:12:56,163
and you divide that...
No, no, no!
318
00:12:56,165 --> 00:12:58,365
This is all wrong!
319
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:01,401
It should be so simple!
320
00:13:01,403 --> 00:13:04,338
I mean, it's the Drunk Train!
321
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:07,958
My God...
it's been
322
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,561
right in front of us
the whole time.
323
00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:28,562
"Get drunk""
324
00:13:28,564 --> 00:13:29,563
Yeah.
325
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:30,931
Of course.
326
00:13:30,933 --> 00:13:33,400
Good circling, Ted.
327
00:13:33,402 --> 00:13:35,903
This ain't my first
word search.
328
00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:40,875
So my Mom's already
picked a date, venue
329
00:13:40,877 --> 00:13:42,376
and caterer for
the wedding.
330
00:13:42,378 --> 00:13:44,211
But nothing's
set in stone.
331
00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:45,546
My great-aunt's gonna sing.
332
00:13:45,548 --> 00:13:47,164
That's happening.
333
00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:48,749
Are you really okay with this?
334
00:13:48,751 --> 00:13:50,417
Yeah, she's actually got
a decent voice.
335
00:13:50,419 --> 00:13:53,254
No, are you... are you okay
336
00:13:53,256 --> 00:13:55,389
with everything
that we talked about?
337
00:13:55,391 --> 00:13:57,591
Of course, Robin, I love you.
338
00:13:57,593 --> 00:14:00,477
Besides, there are other ways
to have kids.
339
00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:01,762
There's adoption, surrogacy...
340
00:14:01,764 --> 00:14:05,432
No, Kevin, it's not just
that I can't have kids,
341
00:14:05,434 --> 00:14:07,501
I don't want kids.
342
00:14:07,503 --> 00:14:10,154
Oh.
343
00:14:10,156 --> 00:14:11,689
Okay.
344
00:14:11,691 --> 00:14:15,943
Knowing that, do you want
to take your proposal back?
345
00:14:15,945 --> 00:14:18,128
Will you marry me?
346
00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:21,315
Oh, you take such good care
of me.
347
00:14:21,317 --> 00:14:23,651
Thanks for loaning me your shoes
348
00:14:23,653 --> 00:14:25,536
for my swollen feet. Ah!
349
00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:26,837
I owe you one.
350
00:14:26,839 --> 00:14:28,339
We have to stop this.
351
00:14:28,341 --> 00:14:29,456
Stop what?
352
00:14:29,458 --> 00:14:31,625
Keeping score.
353
00:14:32,627 --> 00:14:35,930
You're growing a baby,
our baby.
354
00:14:35,932 --> 00:14:39,683
So you're officially ahead
of me for life.
355
00:14:39,685 --> 00:14:42,219
Oh, thanks, sweetie.
356
00:14:42,221 --> 00:14:45,723
Once we're parents,
we have to be a team. Deal?
357
00:14:45,725 --> 00:14:47,541
It's your turn!
358
00:14:47,543 --> 00:14:50,444
I was on point for six straight
hours yesterday!
359
00:14:50,446 --> 00:14:53,647
Two of those hours
were a nap and you know it!
360
00:14:53,649 --> 00:14:55,449
Let's go to the board!
361
00:14:58,486 --> 00:15:01,722
I hope
it's a soupy deuce, sucka.
362
00:15:04,043 --> 00:15:06,327
Deal. We're a team.
363
00:15:09,831 --> 00:15:13,417
I was all, "Do I look like
I'm from Ronkonkoma?!"
364
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:15,369
Oh...!
365
00:15:15,371 --> 00:15:16,837
That's all you gotta say!
366
00:15:16,839 --> 00:15:18,589
Oh, oh, oh, big man
with a briefcase!
367
00:15:18,591 --> 00:15:20,424
What do you think,
you're better than me?!
368
00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:24,378
Hey, our stop's next.
369
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:25,729
Do you want to join us?
370
00:15:25,731 --> 00:15:28,315
Yeah, I think we do.
Nah, we're good.
371
00:15:28,317 --> 00:15:29,883
Too skanky.
372
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,769
Too skanky?
Eh...
373
00:15:31,771 --> 00:15:33,070
It's the Drunk Train.
374
00:15:33,072 --> 00:15:35,072
You crossed out
all the stops
375
00:15:35,074 --> 00:15:36,390
and wrote "Vaginaville."
376
00:15:36,392 --> 00:15:38,659
That's not true.
377
00:15:38,661 --> 00:15:41,195
That one says "Boner Gardens."
378
00:15:41,197 --> 00:15:43,730
What's going on?
379
00:15:43,732 --> 00:15:47,968
Wait. Did that Quinn girl shake
your game or something?
380
00:15:47,970 --> 00:15:49,837
Hell no!
381
00:15:49,839 --> 00:15:51,672
At the end of the night...
382
00:15:51,674 --> 00:15:52,956
You know,
I went out tonight
383
00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:56,010
looking for a cheap,
meaningless fling.
384
00:15:56,012 --> 00:15:58,879
But you turned out
to be so special.
385
00:15:58,881 --> 00:16:01,548
I'd hate to ruin this
friendship with sex.
386
00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:04,952
Oh, oh, I am willing
to take that risk.
387
00:16:04,954 --> 00:16:06,437
Good one, Ted.
388
00:16:06,439 --> 00:16:09,773
Anyway, I'm seriously
contemplating purchasing
389
00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:10,891
a new ironing board.
390
00:16:10,893 --> 00:16:12,726
Do you think...?
391
00:16:14,095 --> 00:16:18,649
Okay, I'll give you this: You
stood by your boy all night,
392
00:16:18,651 --> 00:16:21,568
even though you have no chance
of getting with me.
393
00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:23,153
That was pretty cool.
394
00:16:23,155 --> 00:16:26,123
Yeah, you know, in retrospect,
I think that was the moment
395
00:16:26,125 --> 00:16:29,076
you decided to come back
to my place and get nasty.
396
00:16:29,078 --> 00:16:31,111
Yeah, right.
397
00:16:31,113 --> 00:16:32,746
Get up. You're on my bra.
398
00:16:32,748 --> 00:16:33,831
Sorry.
399
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,201
Where's your bathroom?
400
00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:39,053
Past the kitchen, down the hall.
401
00:16:42,757 --> 00:16:44,791
See, I feel like
I would remember
402
00:16:44,793 --> 00:16:47,644
you two being naked on your
couch in the middle of the club.
403
00:16:47,646 --> 00:16:51,631
Oh, right. That was later in my
apartment after we got nasty.
404
00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:52,649
My bad.
405
00:16:52,651 --> 00:16:54,985
So, you want to go
to a diner or something?
406
00:16:54,987 --> 00:16:56,186
Wait-wait-wait.
You slept with her?
407
00:16:56,188 --> 00:16:57,738
I know, I know.
408
00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:59,606
I'm late on sending
the pictures.
409
00:16:59,608 --> 00:17:01,241
I've been swamped.
410
00:17:01,243 --> 00:17:02,693
You like Quinn.
I...
411
00:17:02,695 --> 00:17:04,862
That's why you can't stop
"complaining" about her.
412
00:17:04,864 --> 00:17:07,814
That's why you just tanked
our chance with these...
413
00:17:07,816 --> 00:17:09,867
lovely innocent flowers.
414
00:17:09,869 --> 00:17:11,502
I don't even care
where we go,
415
00:17:11,504 --> 00:17:13,670
but I hate doing it
on the ground.
416
00:17:14,789 --> 00:17:15,956
Barney, do you know why
417
00:17:15,958 --> 00:17:18,041
I'm on the Drunk Train
on Valentine's Day?
418
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:20,544
Because I have nothing
better to do.
419
00:17:20,546 --> 00:17:22,713
No one I can't stop
thinking about.
420
00:17:22,715 --> 00:17:25,699
So if you feel something
for Quinn, go for it.
421
00:17:25,701 --> 00:17:28,552
Because you're wasting
your time here.
422
00:17:28,554 --> 00:17:31,472
We both are.
423
00:17:33,391 --> 00:17:35,442
I don't like Quinn!
424
00:17:37,745 --> 00:17:39,196
Kevin, I love you,
425
00:17:39,198 --> 00:17:41,064
but please don't
just be the nice guy
426
00:17:41,066 --> 00:17:43,367
who says the right thing.
427
00:17:43,369 --> 00:17:45,869
Robin, I want to marry you
no matter what.
428
00:17:45,871 --> 00:17:48,322
Assuming you don't turn
into a big fat fattie.
429
00:17:48,324 --> 00:17:49,323
See? Right there.
430
00:17:49,325 --> 00:17:51,041
Don't always say
the right thing.
431
00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:52,659
Look, you just got a truckload
432
00:17:52,661 --> 00:17:54,394
of new information
dumped on you.
433
00:17:54,396 --> 00:17:55,579
Will you marry me?
434
00:17:55,581 --> 00:17:57,381
My feelings on kids
aren't gonna change.
435
00:17:57,383 --> 00:17:58,332
Will you marry me?
436
00:17:58,334 --> 00:17:59,550
Haven't you always wanted kids?
437
00:17:59,552 --> 00:18:01,368
That was before I fell in love
with you.
438
00:18:01,370 --> 00:18:02,702
Well, that's the thing.
439
00:18:02,704 --> 00:18:05,756
Your future always
had kids in it.
440
00:18:05,758 --> 00:18:09,977
That is something huge you
would be giving up for me.
441
00:18:09,979 --> 00:18:15,032
I just don't think I could
ever owe someone that much.
442
00:18:15,034 --> 00:18:19,486
I'm scared that you'll...
wake up in-in a year
443
00:18:19,488 --> 00:18:23,440
or ten or 50, full of regret.
444
00:18:23,442 --> 00:18:28,078
So... I need you
to be sure, okay?
445
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:33,450
If we get married,
you will never have children.
446
00:18:33,452 --> 00:18:36,303
Are you really okay with that?
447
00:18:41,459 --> 00:18:44,077
Enormous Penis Syndrome?
448
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,262
E.P.S.
449
00:18:45,264 --> 00:18:46,713
It's all about awareness.
450
00:18:46,715 --> 00:18:49,550
That's why we're doing
the fun run, the silent auction,
451
00:18:49,552 --> 00:18:50,601
the three-legged race.
452
00:18:50,603 --> 00:18:53,604
Of course, that's just one guy.
453
00:18:54,589 --> 00:18:57,090
You know what?
454
00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:58,358
I can't do this.
455
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,644
You can let me
out up here.
456
00:19:00,646 --> 00:19:02,446
Why? You got a girlfriend
or something?
457
00:19:04,649 --> 00:19:06,316
Maybe something.
458
00:19:11,659 --> 00:19:14,082
Kids, sometimes you realize
459
00:19:14,082 --> 00:19:18,301
the journey you've been taking
has reached its final stop.
460
00:19:22,916 --> 00:19:24,912
Where do you go next?
461
00:19:29,757 --> 00:19:31,258
Hey.
462
00:19:32,994 --> 00:19:34,228
Are you okay?
463
00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:38,798
♪ A year from now,
we'll all be gone ♪
464
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:43,803
♪ All our friends
will move away ♪
465
00:19:43,805 --> 00:19:49,293
♪ And they're going
to better places ♪
466
00:19:49,295 --> 00:19:54,197
♪ But our friends
will be gone away... ♪
467
00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:58,168
So... he un-proposed.
468
00:19:58,170 --> 00:19:59,870
♪ Nothing is as it has been...
469
00:19:59,872 --> 00:20:02,256
We're over.
470
00:20:02,258 --> 00:20:06,426
And I-I... I-I know
it's for the best.
471
00:20:06,428 --> 00:20:08,262
It's just...
472
00:20:08,264 --> 00:20:12,549
I was finally ready
for something serious.
473
00:20:13,618 --> 00:20:17,938
He seemed like the guy
to take that next step with.
474
00:20:18,923 --> 00:20:22,326
But he couldn't look past this.
475
00:20:23,394 --> 00:20:25,312
I mean, who could?
476
00:20:26,915 --> 00:20:28,649
I could.
477
00:20:30,118 --> 00:20:32,852
I love you, Robin.
478
00:20:44,233 --> 00:20:46,422
You've been complaining
about this Barney guy so much,
479
00:20:46,424 --> 00:20:47,673
I'm starting to think
that you like him.
480
00:20:47,675 --> 00:20:49,157
Like his apartment-- check.
481
00:20:49,159 --> 00:20:52,494
Like his moves downtown--
check plus.
482
00:20:52,496 --> 00:20:54,880
But like him? Ugh. Please.
483
00:20:54,882 --> 00:20:57,299
I'm just surprised
he doesn't recognize you.
484
00:20:57,301 --> 00:20:59,334
He practically lives here.
485
00:20:59,336 --> 00:21:01,020
Gentlemen, give it up for Karma.