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00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,536
NARRATOR: Kids, 2012 started out
kind of crazy.
2
00:00:05,223 --> 00:00:07,157
Barney met a girl named Quinn,
3
00:00:07,172 --> 00:00:09,155
Kevin unproposed to Robin,
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00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:10,436
I told Robin...
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00:00:10,447 --> 00:00:11,813
I love you, Robin.
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00:00:11,824 --> 00:00:12,656
When I asked if she
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00:00:12,663 --> 00:00:14,580
loved me back, she said...
8
00:00:14,595 --> 00:00:16,311
No.
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00:00:16,324 --> 00:00:17,473
Marshall told Robin...
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00:00:17,483 --> 00:00:19,450
You got to move out.
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00:00:19,465 --> 00:00:22,583
And Robin did.
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00:00:29,759 --> 00:00:32,644
I can't even open
her bedroom door anymore.
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00:00:33,403 --> 00:00:35,371
Why do I have
to be so sensitive?
14
00:00:35,386 --> 00:00:37,669
I don't know, bro.
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00:00:37,686 --> 00:00:38,902
Look at me and that Quinn chick.
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00:00:38,912 --> 00:00:40,195
You don't hear me
prattling on
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00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:42,422
about how beautiful
her smile is,
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00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:46,474
how her hair is like a waterfall
of honey-colored silk,
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00:00:46,503 --> 00:00:49,921
how her eyes are like
a warm South Sea
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00:00:49,945 --> 00:00:53,229
kissed by the fire
and gold of sunrise.
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00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,253
I don't even remember
what she looks like.
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Dude, you obviously like her.
Can't you read
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00:00:57,284 --> 00:00:58,467
between the lines, Ted?
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00:00:58,477 --> 00:00:59,810
I obviously like her.
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00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:01,403
How did this happen to me?
26
00:01:01,416 --> 00:01:04,650
When did I become such
a gooey romantic?
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00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:07,568
Look, I think it's healthy
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00:01:07,579 --> 00:01:10,329
that you have real feelings
for a woman
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00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,350
instead of just seeing her
as an object.
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Switch?
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Sure.
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00:01:14,430 --> 00:01:15,846
(snaps fingers)
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00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:16,891
But why Quinn?
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00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:18,432
I mean, you spent
one night with her,
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00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:19,610
and she was kind of mean.
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00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:21,003
We just connected.
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00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:23,965
Emotionally, intellectually,
spiritually.
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00:01:23,986 --> 00:01:24,952
So, mind-blowing sex?
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00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:27,762
Mind-blowing sex!
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For an hour afterwards,
I couldn't uncross my eyes.
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00:01:31,477 --> 00:01:34,228
Which was awesome, because
when I went back for seconds,
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00:01:34,248 --> 00:01:36,581
it was like having
a three-way with twins.
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00:01:36,598 --> 00:01:38,682
So... call her.
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00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:40,931
I would if I knew how
to get in touch with her,
45
00:01:40,948 --> 00:01:42,882
but I can't,
and it's driving me crazy.
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00:01:42,897 --> 00:01:44,096
Everywhere I look,
I see her.
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00:01:44,106 --> 00:01:45,522
I see her walking on the street;
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00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:48,150
I see her shopping in the store;
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00:01:48,169 --> 00:01:50,186
I see her dancing on that pole.
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00:01:50,202 --> 00:01:52,285
I see her dancing
on that pole, too.
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00:01:52,301 --> 00:01:54,635
Oh, my God, that's Quinn.
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00:01:54,652 --> 00:01:57,836
EMCEE: Gentlemen,
give it up for Karma.
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
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I really appreciate
you guys taking me in.
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I mean,
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00:02:13,436 --> 00:02:14,936
I'm homeless,
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00:02:14,948 --> 00:02:17,198
things between me and Ted
are still kind of weird.
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00:02:17,215 --> 00:02:19,498
So, it's nice
to be around friends.
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00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:21,349
Well, stay as long
as you want, sweetie.
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00:02:21,364 --> 00:02:22,562
Oh, thank you.
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00:02:22,571 --> 00:02:23,921
Mm.
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00:02:23,932 --> 00:02:26,099
Now, I got you a journal.
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I know this sounds lame,
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00:02:27,375 --> 00:02:30,043
but it really helps work
through stuff to write about it.
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00:02:30,063 --> 00:02:31,395
Oh.
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00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:34,140
"Dear Diary. The fantasies
of killing Marshall's mom
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00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,343
"have become more vivid.
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00:02:35,352 --> 00:02:37,335
Today, I scalped her with a ..""
Whoops,
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00:02:37,351 --> 00:02:39,151
that one's mine.
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00:02:40,255 --> 00:02:42,138
You are going to have
so much fun here.
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00:02:42,154 --> 00:02:44,988
Oh, guys, please, do not feel like you
have to keep me entertained.
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00:02:45,344 --> 00:02:47,244
Well, you shouldn't have come
to East Meadow, Long Island,
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Robin, if you didn't want
to be entertained.
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00:02:49,073 --> 00:02:51,373
Really? I didn't think
there was a ton to do here.
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00:02:51,390 --> 00:02:53,724
Oh, apparently, someone
hasn't heard
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00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,858
of the Uniondale
Miniatures Museum.
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00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:58,091
You'll come for
the 19th century thimble art,
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00:02:58,108 --> 00:03:01,693
but you'll stay for the
Dutch masters on bottle caps.
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00:03:01,719 --> 00:03:02,584
Plus,
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00:03:02,592 --> 00:03:03,758
you'll be bowling
with two
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00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:07,102
charter members of the
East Meadow Alley Cats.
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00:03:07,797 --> 00:03:08,847
"We're a hot dog eating team
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00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,556
with a bowling problem."
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00:03:10,569 --> 00:03:11,568
Shirley
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00:03:11,577 --> 00:03:13,109
came up with that one.
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00:03:13,121 --> 00:03:14,171
Great bowler, Shirley.
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00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,180
She hit 280 the other day.
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Unfortunately,
that was on her bathroom scale.
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NARRATOR: When Robin moved out,
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there was a hole in my life
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in the shape
of an empty bedroom.
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00:03:25,599 --> 00:03:28,216
I filled it with a new hobby.
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00:03:28,235 --> 00:03:30,035
(sizzling)
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00:03:30,049 --> 00:03:31,415
(coughing)
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00:03:31,426 --> 00:03:33,143
What are you doing
in my old room?
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00:03:33,157 --> 00:03:34,990
This room being empty
was bumming me out,
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00:03:35,004 --> 00:03:36,720
so I decided
to do something healthy
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00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:38,183
that would take my mind off you.
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00:03:38,195 --> 00:03:39,644
Well, nothing says healthy
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00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:41,789
like smoking 40 pounds
of pork loin
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00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,137
in an unventilated room
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00:03:43,148 --> 00:03:45,649
while having an imaginary
conversation with your ex.
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00:03:45,668 --> 00:03:47,968
Just for that,
you're not getting any.
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00:03:47,985 --> 00:03:49,184
I'm not getting any?
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00:03:49,194 --> 00:03:51,061
You're the one smoking
your own meat.
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00:03:51,075 --> 00:03:52,124
Oh!
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00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:53,966
(knocking)
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00:03:53,981 --> 00:03:56,699
What am I gonna do
about this Quinn thing?
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00:03:56,719 --> 00:03:58,118
I want to ask her out again,
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00:03:58,129 --> 00:04:00,229
but I don't know how I feel
about her being a stripper.
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00:04:00,245 --> 00:04:02,862
Why would you have
an issue with that?
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00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:05,515
I mean, you've dated convicted
felons, arms dealers...
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00:04:05,535 --> 00:04:07,118
pageant moms.
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00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:11,082
Hey, Quinn is someone I might
want to get serious with,
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00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:15,579
not just pretend to be a judge
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(chuckles) Tiffany's mom really
wanted that tiara.
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00:04:18,886 --> 00:04:21,953
In a city of eight
million people,
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00:04:21,976 --> 00:04:25,077
you happened to walk into
the club where she works?
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00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,132
Maybe it's destiny.
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00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,525
No, Destiny strips
at The Melon Patch.
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00:04:28,543 --> 00:04:31,143
They're people, Ted;
try to keep them straight.
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00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,834
Wait a minute.
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00:04:33,849 --> 00:04:37,034
What if this is destiny?
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00:04:37,057 --> 00:04:37,939
I just said...
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00:04:37,947 --> 00:04:39,563
What if the universe
126
00:04:39,575 --> 00:04:42,627
is throwing us in each other's
path for some reason?
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00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,849
More or less exactly what I...
128
00:04:43,859 --> 00:04:46,642
I don't care what you say,
this is destiny!
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00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:47,712
Damn it, Ted!
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00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,971
Why can't you ever root
for love?
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Hey.
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Hey.
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00:04:57,953 --> 00:04:59,085
Quinn...
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No, listen,
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in here I'm Karma, okay?
136
00:05:02,252 --> 00:05:03,350
Got it.
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00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,660
Uh, look, Karma,
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00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:05,669
I swear
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00:05:05,678 --> 00:05:07,861
I never say crap
like this, but...
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00:05:07,877 --> 00:05:09,077
I think maybe
the universe
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00:05:09,087 --> 00:05:11,470
is telling us something.
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00:05:11,488 --> 00:05:13,088
You want to go out again?
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00:05:13,101 --> 00:05:15,485
I'm sorry,
I don't date customers.
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What about destiny?
145
00:05:16,812 --> 00:05:18,729
I heard she's
over at The Melon Patch now.
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00:05:18,744 --> 00:05:22,445
No, I mean like fate telling us
that we're supposed to be...
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00:05:22,471 --> 00:05:23,637
Oh, listen, Barney,
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00:05:23,647 --> 00:05:25,897
my manager is really
giving me the stink eye.
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I have to get back to work.
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00:05:27,813 --> 00:05:28,845
Okay, wait, wait.
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00:05:28,853 --> 00:05:30,569
What if I pay for a dance?
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00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:31,532
That way,
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00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:32,623
your manager's happy,
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00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:33,964
and then I can to tell you
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00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:35,758
why you should go on
another date with me.
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00:05:35,772 --> 00:05:38,540
I guess there's
no reason why not.
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00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,294
Okay, first off,
we have a lot in common.
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00:05:41,314 --> 00:05:42,697
For example,
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both of our jobs
are largely financed
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00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:48,025
by drunk Asian businessmen.
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00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:49,916
Dear Diary.
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00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:51,930
It is day four on this island,
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00:05:51,945 --> 00:05:54,278
which the natives have dubbed
"Long Island,"
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perhaps referencing
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how each hour here feels
like it may never end.
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So far, they have welcomed me
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00:06:00,929 --> 00:06:04,964
and given me a rare glimpse
into their bizarre way of life.
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00:06:04,993 --> 00:06:08,161
By "entertainment," they mean
table shuffle board,
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00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:12,286
macramé classes, and other
non-stimulating activities
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00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:14,099
which are only used
in Manhattan
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00:06:14,113 --> 00:06:17,581
to calm down drug addicts
and the criminally insane.
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00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:21,374
A preliterate society,
their menus display pictures
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00:06:21,401 --> 00:06:23,618
of the food they offer,
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everyone is forced
to sing "Happy Birthday"
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00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,486
four or five times a meal,
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00:06:28,505 --> 00:06:32,390
and dessert
has fireworks in it.
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In their lairs, they often don
a primitive shroud
178
00:06:35,575 --> 00:06:39,277
called a "Snugget,"
and it is not uncommon for them
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00:06:39,304 --> 00:06:41,420
to go to sleep before 9 p.m.,
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00:06:41,436 --> 00:06:43,269
fearing, as they do,
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00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:44,916
the night.
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00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,054
Also Diary, I think writing
in you is stupid,
183
00:06:47,069 --> 00:06:48,335
but you were a gift from Lily,
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00:06:48,346 --> 00:06:49,879
and she's watching
me right now.
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00:06:49,891 --> 00:06:53,443
Guys, um, I don't want
to overstay my welcome,
186
00:06:53,468 --> 00:06:56,201
and Patrice said that she would
take me off your hands.
187
00:06:56,221 --> 00:06:59,239
So, do you have
a train schedule or...
188
00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:00,511
Oh, yeah,
189
00:07:00,522 --> 00:07:01,521
um, but-but
190
00:07:01,529 --> 00:07:04,363
there's a-a problem
with the train.
191
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Big, big problem.
192
00:07:06,096 --> 00:07:06,995
There was a...
193
00:07:07,003 --> 00:07:09,270
Strike.
A lightning strike.
194
00:07:09,287 --> 00:07:12,488
That hit one of the picketers
who was on strike.
195
00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:14,646
During a thunderstorm.
196
00:07:14,662 --> 00:07:18,664
Plus,
197
00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:21,826
Yeah, she probably doesn't
even want you there.
198
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:27,296
You guys are being weird.
199
00:07:27,843 --> 00:07:30,478
Oh!
Oh!
200
00:07:30,498 --> 00:07:33,149
Oh, my God, Robin,
I am so sorry.
201
00:07:33,168 --> 00:07:34,768
I'll throw these in the wash.
202
00:07:34,781 --> 00:07:37,698
They'll be dry
and folded in the morning.
203
00:07:37,719 --> 00:07:39,202
Or the weekend.
204
00:07:39,214 --> 00:07:40,880
And we can talk
about you leaving then.
205
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,243
(quietly):
Or never.
206
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,754
Wait, Lily, why don't...
(yawns loudly)
207
00:07:44,773 --> 00:07:46,773
It's 8:45,
time to hit the hay.
208
00:07:46,788 --> 00:07:48,872
LILY:
Good night!
209
00:07:48,888 --> 00:07:50,453
(lock clicks)
210
00:07:54,798 --> 00:07:56,632
So Ted, what healthy,
211
00:07:56,646 --> 00:07:59,180
not-at-all-crazy activity
are you up to now?
212
00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:02,867
I liked smoking meat,
but now I've got a new passion:
213
00:08:02,893 --> 00:08:04,493
wood.
214
00:08:04,505 --> 00:08:07,539
You hear these things that come
out of your mouth, right?
215
00:08:07,562 --> 00:08:09,095
(knocking)
216
00:08:13,237 --> 00:08:15,305
So I went back to
the Lusty Leopard.
217
00:08:15,321 --> 00:08:16,837
You know what, Barney?
218
00:08:16,849 --> 00:08:19,884
I know I said I have a rule
about not dating customers,
219
00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:23,808
but you may have
convinced me to...
220
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,385
(music stops)
Oh.
221
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:26,830
Song's over, I got to go.
222
00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:29,074
Wait, no, what?
Convinced you to what?
223
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:32,059
I'm sorry, but manager's
giving me the stink eye.
224
00:08:32,081 --> 00:08:34,381
Ugh, get a life, Manager.
225
00:08:35,439 --> 00:08:36,972
What were you saying?
226
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,402
Well, I was going to say
227
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:43,105
that I do find you
very... charming.
228
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:43,862
(chuckles)
229
00:08:43,869 --> 00:08:45,670
And funny...
230
00:08:45,684 --> 00:08:47,133
and sexy.
231
00:08:47,145 --> 00:08:49,996
And exciting and smart.
232
00:08:50,017 --> 00:08:52,351
You so get me.
233
00:08:52,368 --> 00:08:54,067
You know what, Barney?
234
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,581
I have never done
this before,
235
00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,301
but there's just
something about you.
236
00:09:00,328 --> 00:09:02,012
So I guess my answer is...
237
00:09:02,025 --> 00:09:03,557
(music stops)
(gasps) Oh.
238
00:09:03,569 --> 00:09:04,568
The song's over.
239
00:09:04,576 --> 00:09:06,293
Well, just finish the thought!
240
00:09:06,307 --> 00:09:07,840
But the manager.
God,
241
00:09:07,852 --> 00:09:08,851
I hate manager.
242
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,793
(snoring)
243
00:09:10,807 --> 00:09:13,174
There. Your answer is...
244
00:09:13,192 --> 00:09:15,609
Maybe if we knew each other
a little better.
245
00:09:15,627 --> 00:09:16,609
(sighs)
246
00:09:16,618 --> 00:09:17,634
Tell me about yourself.
247
00:09:17,642 --> 00:09:19,642
Well, um, what can I tell you?
248
00:09:19,658 --> 00:09:20,657
I'm, um...
249
00:09:20,665 --> 00:09:22,832
charming and funny
250
00:09:22,849 --> 00:09:25,466
and sexy and...
251
00:09:25,485 --> 00:09:29,037
exciting and smart.
252
00:09:29,063 --> 00:09:31,063
Well, how can a girl
say no to that?
253
00:09:31,078 --> 00:09:33,445
How about we...
254
00:09:33,462 --> 00:09:35,428
go out on...
255
00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:39,228
aaaaaaaaa...
256
00:09:39,256 --> 00:09:41,090
aaaaaa...
257
00:09:41,104 --> 00:09:42,820
Ugh, these songs are so short.
258
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,866
(groans)
259
00:09:45,787 --> 00:09:49,306
Uh, how much exactly
did you give Quinn?
260
00:09:48,732 --> 00:09:50,199
Eight, nine hundred bucks,
261
00:09:50,211 --> 00:09:53,045
plus whatever
my Rolex is worth.
262
00:09:53,065 --> 00:09:54,231
Whoa.
263
00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,273
I know.
264
00:09:55,282 --> 00:09:58,316
Ted, I think I'm in love.
265
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,657
Quinn is totally playing you.
266
00:10:07,669 --> 00:10:08,634
What?
267
00:10:08,643 --> 00:10:10,126
That's ridiculous.
268
00:10:10,138 --> 00:10:11,371
If she were playing me,
269
00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:13,364
why would she agree
to go on a date with me?
270
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,796
You're different than
the rest of these schlubs.
271
00:10:15,814 --> 00:10:19,315
This one time only,
I'm going to break my rule.
272
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:21,204
Let's go out tomorrow night.
273
00:10:21,242 --> 00:10:22,442
Sweet!
274
00:10:22,508 --> 00:10:25,870
Oh, shoot!
I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!
275
00:10:26,382 --> 00:10:28,413
Hey! Brainstorm!
276
00:10:28,452 --> 00:10:30,197
What if we just have
our date here,
277
00:10:30,905 --> 00:10:32,277
It's a date.
278
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:36,591
It's not a date, if you go into a
strip club and paying for lap dances.
279
00:10:36,618 --> 00:10:39,526
If it's not a date, why'd she
say, every fifth day was free?
280
00:10:39,577 --> 00:10:41,360
Because that's
the Lusty Leopard's policy
281
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,041
on Friday nights, and I'm so mad
at you that I know that!
282
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,746
ROBIN: Dear Diary.
283
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,689
It is day six on this island,
284
00:10:49,704 --> 00:10:53,422
and I begin to fear I am
more captive than guest...
285
00:10:54,136 --> 00:10:55,353
(screams)
286
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:56,746
Morning, sweetie.
287
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,757
Up for croquet?
288
00:10:59,812 --> 00:11:02,180
Hey, uh, Lil, are you done
289
00:11:02,198 --> 00:11:04,332
washing my clothes yet?
Because I...
290
00:11:04,348 --> 00:11:05,564
Oh, I am so sorry.
291
00:11:05,574 --> 00:11:07,657
Your clothes accidentally
wound up in the bag
292
00:11:07,673 --> 00:11:09,723
I donated to Goodwill.
293
00:11:10,476 --> 00:11:11,926
You gave away my clothes?
294
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,906
They were a bit fancy
for East Meadow.
295
00:11:14,928 --> 00:11:17,095
(whispers):
People were staring.
296
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:20,696
Besides, we have
an extra Snugget.
297
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:23,396
Try it.
298
00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:26,585
Try it, Robin.
299
00:11:28,530 --> 00:11:30,531
ROBIN: They're trying to make me
one of them, Diary.
300
00:11:30,546 --> 00:11:33,463
And I begin to fear...
301
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,869
I may like it!
302
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,490
I can't believe we're
at a strip club,
303
00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:42,805
and the biggest boob
in here is you.
304
00:11:42,822 --> 00:11:45,189
It's a real date, Ted.
305
00:11:45,207 --> 00:11:48,208
And clearly you haven't
seen the DeSalvo twins.
306
00:11:48,230 --> 00:11:49,480
She's right over there.
307
00:11:49,490 --> 00:11:51,573
Barney...
Yowza!
308
00:11:51,589 --> 00:11:54,239
You are not on a date.
309
00:11:54,258 --> 00:11:55,575
Okay, look, prove it.
310
00:11:55,586 --> 00:11:58,153
Prove that she's not just
taking advantage of you.
311
00:11:58,172 --> 00:12:00,589
Get her to go out with
you anywhere but here.
312
00:12:00,607 --> 00:12:01,856
Fine!
313
00:12:01,866 --> 00:12:04,333
Hey, sexy! You want a dance?
314
00:12:04,352 --> 00:12:05,685
Yeah!
315
00:12:05,695 --> 00:12:07,195
Uh, one thing, though.
316
00:12:07,207 --> 00:12:09,540
Um, you'd be okay
with us having a date
317
00:12:09,558 --> 00:12:11,374
somewhere besides here,
wouldn't you?
318
00:12:11,388 --> 00:12:13,939
I was hoping you would ask that.
319
00:12:13,958 --> 00:12:16,676
I'm sorry it's
so expensive in here,
320
00:12:16,696 --> 00:12:18,812
but it's nice and private, huh?
321
00:12:18,828 --> 00:12:20,295
Absolutely. And romantic!
322
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,423
It's our first getaway
as a couple!
323
00:12:23,815 --> 00:12:25,149
It's become clear to me, Diary,
324
00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:27,042
that I must attempt
a dramatic escape.
325
00:12:27,057 --> 00:12:30,275
I will fake a stomach ache
during dinner.
326
00:12:30,298 --> 00:12:32,498
Then, after Marshall and Lily
leave for bingo night,
327
00:12:32,515 --> 00:12:34,649
I will sneak out the back.
328
00:12:34,665 --> 00:12:37,532
I'll swipe Shirley's Rascal
and drive to the train station.
329
00:12:37,553 --> 00:12:39,586
Shirley's 42, by the way,
and rides a Rascal.
330
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:43,454
I swear, it's the second half
of Wall-E out here.
331
00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:45,631
(two handclaps)
332
00:12:45,647 --> 00:12:47,331
Bingo...
333
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:51,186
was canceled.
334
00:12:54,934 --> 00:12:57,869
Hey, sexy, you want a dance?
335
00:12:57,891 --> 00:13:00,258
(chuckles) No,
I'm not a customer.
336
00:13:00,275 --> 00:13:01,757
My girlfriend works here.
337
00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:04,570
She's right over...
338
00:13:04,191 --> 00:13:06,659
This one time only,
I'm gonna break my rule.
339
00:13:06,677 --> 00:13:08,126
Let's go out tomorrow night!
340
00:13:08,138 --> 00:13:09,087
Sweet!
341
00:13:09,095 --> 00:13:10,378
Oh, shoot!
342
00:13:10,388 --> 00:13:13,505
I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!
343
00:13:13,528 --> 00:13:14,761
Hey! Brainstorm!
344
00:13:14,771 --> 00:13:16,688
What if we just have
our date here,
345
00:13:16,703 --> 00:13:20,154
maybe in
the Champagne Room?
346
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,896
That was our spot.
347
00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:29,623
Hey, gorgeous,
You want a dance?
348
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,077
Is it a jig?
349
00:13:32,088 --> 00:13:34,188
'Cause if so, it's up.
350
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,442
Sorry, I only had the last verse
351
00:13:36,454 --> 00:13:38,955
of "Hot For Teacher" to work
on that. What was that?
352
00:13:38,974 --> 00:13:42,875
You laid exactly the same line
on that guy that you did on me!
353
00:13:42,902 --> 00:13:43,918
Sweetie, that is just something
354
00:13:43,927 --> 00:13:46,595
I say to these
gullible losers here.
355
00:13:46,615 --> 00:13:48,231
They fall for it every time.
356
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:52,046
(chuckling): Bunch of losers!
357
00:13:52,073 --> 00:13:54,073
Oh, gosh, manager again.
358
00:13:54,088 --> 00:13:55,287
He's looking at me like,
359
00:13:55,297 --> 00:13:57,047
"Karma, why aren't you booking
more time
360
00:13:57,061 --> 00:13:58,226
in the Champagne Room?"
361
00:13:58,235 --> 00:14:00,569
Well, we'll show him.
362
00:14:00,587 --> 00:14:03,204
No! You're playing me again!
363
00:14:03,223 --> 00:14:05,774
And you're not even trying hard!
364
00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:07,593
There's no manager there;
You're pointing at a fern!
365
00:14:09,453 --> 00:14:11,070
Ted was right.
366
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,934
I bet he's home right now,
laughing at how dumb I am.
367
00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:22,147
Did I deserve this?
Absolutely.
368
00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:25,168
I have told
some outrageous lies.
369
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:27,541
I have told women I was famous,
370
00:14:27,558 --> 00:14:28,924
a war hero,
371
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,418
that sex with me would cure
their nearsightedness.
372
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,070
Barney?!
373
00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:38,399
I probably deserved everything
you did to me and more.
374
00:14:38,424 --> 00:14:40,090
But I have been trying,
375
00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:43,087
and trying hard
to be a better person.
376
00:14:43,830 --> 00:14:44,880
Thanks for showing me
377
00:14:44,889 --> 00:14:46,438
I had it right before.
378
00:14:53,990 --> 00:14:57,826
Look, I'm sorry we made you feel
a little suffocated,
379
00:14:57,853 --> 00:15:01,238
but were you really
just gonna sneak away?
380
00:15:01,263 --> 00:15:04,181
Well, it's just...
I really miss the city.
381
00:15:04,202 --> 00:15:06,535
I know you guys love it here,
and that's fine,
382
00:15:06,553 --> 00:15:07,869
We don't love it here!
383
00:15:07,879 --> 00:15:08,544
What?
384
00:15:08,551 --> 00:15:09,717
Come on, Robin,
385
00:15:09,726 --> 00:15:11,743
what kind
of life is this?
386
00:15:11,759 --> 00:15:13,342
Going to canasta tournaments
387
00:15:13,354 --> 00:15:15,054
and high school
field hockey playoffs?
388
00:15:15,068 --> 00:15:17,652
Oh, I think North Bellmore
can take state.
389
00:15:17,671 --> 00:15:19,671
With Sophie's ankle?
Doubtful.
390
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,819
Okay, but if you two
are so unhappy,
391
00:15:21,835 --> 00:15:23,835
why don't you just move
back to Manhattan?
392
00:15:23,850 --> 00:15:26,551
Because the suburbs are
better for the baby.
393
00:15:26,571 --> 00:15:29,705
Who says? Who says any place
is better for the baby
394
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:31,928
if you two are unhappy in it?
395
00:15:33,908 --> 00:15:36,410
No, no,
we live here now.
396
00:15:37,099 --> 00:15:38,817
And, you know,
this place
397
00:15:38,831 --> 00:15:40,297
wouldn't seem
so bad if...
398
00:15:40,308 --> 00:15:43,192
we got one of our friends
to move out here.
399
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:45,651
Oh, guys...
400
00:15:45,665 --> 00:15:48,633
Oh...
401
00:15:48,654 --> 00:15:51,388
I would rather set myself
on fire.
402
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:54,919
NARRATOR: The next morning,
Barney learned that even in
403
00:15:54,941 --> 00:15:58,243
a city of eight million people,
there's no escaping Karma.
404
00:15:58,267 --> 00:16:00,818
(light music playing)
405
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:05,512
(sighs)
406
00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:06,538
Oh.
407
00:16:06,546 --> 00:16:08,212
Oh, hey.
408
00:16:08,225 --> 00:16:11,009
Sorry, can't talk;
manager's watching.
409
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,010
Look, I am sorry
410
00:16:14,019 --> 00:16:15,936
if I hurt your feelings;
it's a job.
411
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,317
Yeah, well, at my job,
412
00:16:17,328 --> 00:16:19,244
we don't rip out
people's hearts for money.
413
00:16:19,259 --> 00:16:23,845
My company briefly backed
a lab in North Korea
414
00:16:23,877 --> 00:16:25,961
which did, but we sold it!
415
00:16:25,977 --> 00:16:27,893
You know, I've worked
at that club for a year.
416
00:16:27,908 --> 00:16:29,291
You practically live there,
417
00:16:29,302 --> 00:16:31,252
and you didn't even recognize me
the night we went out.
418
00:16:31,267 --> 00:16:34,384
You can't pretend to be some
hurt little victim with me.
419
00:16:34,406 --> 00:16:35,456
I know you.
420
00:16:35,465 --> 00:16:36,681
Well, of course you do.
421
00:16:36,692 --> 00:16:38,257
I told you things
I don't tell anybody.
422
00:16:38,269 --> 00:16:39,452
I was honest with you.
423
00:16:39,462 --> 00:16:41,579
Yeah, because I believe you have
a gay black brother,
424
00:16:41,595 --> 00:16:43,311
a friend lonely enough
to smoke his own meat
425
00:16:43,324 --> 00:16:45,158
and that your mom was a groupie
for Supertramp.
426
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:48,206
They named
their band for her!
427
00:16:50,579 --> 00:16:52,362
You remembered all that?
428
00:16:52,376 --> 00:16:54,760
Well, yeah.
I mean,
429
00:16:54,777 --> 00:16:56,060
you're more interesting
than the lyrics
430
00:16:56,071 --> 00:16:58,705
to "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
for the 8,000th time.
431
00:17:00,739 --> 00:17:02,323
You know, it's funny.
432
00:17:02,335 --> 00:17:05,503
Almost every woman
I've ever met was wrong
433
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,142
to give me a chance.
434
00:17:07,155 --> 00:17:10,306
You're the first woman
who's wrong not to.
435
00:17:13,703 --> 00:17:15,004
Large black coffee...
436
00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:18,049
and whatever he's having.
437
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,671
It's on me.
438
00:17:20,588 --> 00:17:22,940
The same.
439
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:24,374
Thank you.
440
00:17:24,385 --> 00:17:26,802
You're welcome.
441
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:29,821
1,700 more of these
and we're even.
442
00:17:29,843 --> 00:17:31,826
Uh, the song just ended.
443
00:17:31,841 --> 00:17:33,674
That mean you got
to get going?
444
00:17:33,688 --> 00:17:35,989
No.
445
00:17:36,007 --> 00:17:38,057
Do you have time
to sit with me?
446
00:17:38,072 --> 00:17:40,840
I don't know.
You're wearing my watch.
447
00:17:44,117 --> 00:17:46,819
Pottery.
Now you're making pottery.
448
00:17:46,839 --> 00:17:48,722
I needed a new vase...
449
00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:50,636
and some plates.
450
00:17:50,651 --> 00:17:51,917
And bowls.
451
00:17:51,927 --> 00:17:54,344
The china cabinet I built had
some design flaws.
452
00:17:54,362 --> 00:17:57,113
Why don't you just turn
this into a guest room?
453
00:17:57,133 --> 00:17:58,499
A guest room?
454
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,544
(chuckles) You mean
a room ready and waiting
455
00:18:00,559 --> 00:18:01,891
for someone who isn't there?
456
00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:05,121
A room devoted to reminding me
that I'm still alone?
457
00:18:05,144 --> 00:18:08,562
Yeah, I don't need that.
458
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:13,423
Ted, no matter how many things
you put in this room...
459
00:18:13,457 --> 00:18:15,724
I'll still be here.
460
00:18:17,150 --> 00:18:19,001
(knocking)
461
00:18:27,428 --> 00:18:28,094
Hey.
462
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,284
Hey!
463
00:18:30,787 --> 00:18:32,171
Come on in.
464
00:18:32,182 --> 00:18:34,148
Thanks.
465
00:18:35,271 --> 00:18:37,705
Oh, um, thanks for packing up
the rest of my stuff.
466
00:18:37,723 --> 00:18:40,057
No problem. Uh, you
want some coffee?
467
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:42,409
Uh, sure. Yeah?
Yeah.
468
00:18:43,768 --> 00:18:44,885
So, how are things?
469
00:18:44,895 --> 00:18:46,862
Good! You?
Great!
470
00:18:46,877 --> 00:18:48,860
You know, I actually
made this mug.
471
00:18:48,875 --> 00:18:50,441
Oh, yeah? Oh!
Yeah. Oh!
472
00:18:50,453 --> 00:18:53,121
Yeah, sorry, coffee's
a little strong.
473
00:18:54,264 --> 00:18:56,816
How was your stay
with Marshall and Lily?
474
00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:58,868
Uh... a little weird.
475
00:18:58,884 --> 00:19:01,018
They're not loving Long Island.
476
00:19:01,034 --> 00:19:02,200
Oh.
477
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:03,741
I think deep down, they realize
478
00:19:03,754 --> 00:19:05,721
it just... isn't a good fit.
479
00:19:05,736 --> 00:19:09,321
It's hard to admit that
sometimes.
480
00:19:09,346 --> 00:19:11,213
Sure is.
481
00:19:11,228 --> 00:19:14,529
But I guess it's better
to face it and move on
482
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:19,256
than try to force something that
just isn't meant to be, right?
483
00:19:19,289 --> 00:19:21,005
I think so.
484
00:19:21,018 --> 00:19:22,367
Yeah.
485
00:19:21,516 --> 00:19:22,683
So, what do you think
486
00:19:22,693 --> 00:19:24,243
you're gonna do
with my old room?
487
00:19:24,255 --> 00:19:25,771
Haven't really thought about it.
488
00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,449
Oh!
489
00:19:33,491 --> 00:19:35,725
Who needs Manhattan?
490
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,074
Yeah.
491
00:19:37,085 --> 00:19:39,201
(phone buzzes)
492
00:19:39,217 --> 00:19:41,217
Hmm, it's Ted.
He wants to know
493
00:19:41,233 --> 00:19:43,250
if we want to hang
out in the city.
494
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,132
The next train leaves
in nine minutes.
495
00:19:59,554 --> 00:20:01,371
(door closes)
496
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:06,363
TED: Dear Lily and Marshall,
I don't know if you know this,
497
00:20:06,390 --> 00:20:09,391
but I never took
your names off the lease.
498
00:20:09,413 --> 00:20:13,115
Well, today
I took my name off it.
499
00:20:13,141 --> 00:20:16,142
The apartment is now yours.
500
00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:18,998
And I think I finally figured
out the best thing
501
00:20:19,019 --> 00:20:20,986
to do with Robin's old room.
502
00:20:21,001 --> 00:20:23,134
(soft gasp)
503
00:20:29,901 --> 00:20:33,570
See, for me, this place has
begun to feel a little haunted.
504
00:20:33,596 --> 00:20:36,180
At first, I thought
it was haunted by Robin,
505
00:20:36,199 --> 00:20:39,067
but now I think
it was haunted by me.
506
00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:44,141
Well, no ghost is at peace
until it finally moves on.
507
00:20:45,402 --> 00:20:47,403
I need a change.
508
00:20:47,418 --> 00:20:49,451
And I think you do, too.
509
00:20:49,466 --> 00:20:52,133
This apartment needs
some new life.
510
00:20:52,153 --> 00:20:56,489
So, please, make our old home
your new home.
511
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,037
It is now ghost-free.
512
00:20:59,055 --> 00:21:00,671
Love, Ted.