1
00:00:02,431 --> 00:00:03,764
So, how's living alone?
2
00:00:04,106 --> 00:00:05,306
You know, it's interesting.
3
00:00:05,308 --> 00:00:07,441
When I first moved into
my new apartment,
4
00:00:07,443 --> 00:00:08,976
I was nervous.
5
00:00:08,978 --> 00:00:12,863
For the first time in my adult
life, I didn't have a roommate.
6
00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:18,803
For the first time in my adult
life, I didn't have a roommate!
7
00:00:21,907 --> 00:00:25,110
If I want to walk around naked,
nobody cares.
8
00:00:25,140 --> 00:00:27,078
If I want to leave
the laundry basket
9
00:00:27,118 --> 00:00:30,668
in the middle of the living
room, nobody stops me.
10
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:32,800
If I bring home soup
from the deli
11
00:00:32,802 --> 00:00:35,869
and leave it in the fridge
for two days, nobody eats it.
12
00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:38,806
And if I do something
colossally stupid,
13
00:00:38,808 --> 00:00:41,208
nobody ever has to know.
14
00:00:44,996 --> 00:00:46,514
People make fun of the guy
15
00:00:46,516 --> 00:00:48,933
who stays home every night
doing nothing.
16
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:52,920
But the truth is...
that guy's a genius.
17
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:56,223
Because let's be honest,
sitting around watching TV,
18
00:00:56,225 --> 00:00:59,059
drinking beer and eating ribs
alone is what every
19
00:00:59,061 --> 00:01:04,014
red-blooded American would
rather be doing at all times.
20
00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:07,701
Yeah, but wouldn't it be better
to have someone to share the...
21
00:01:07,703 --> 00:01:11,121
I mean, don't you
get lonely without...
22
00:01:11,123 --> 00:01:13,240
Yeah, that sounds pretty great.
23
00:01:13,264 --> 00:01:21,264
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
24
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,617
What's the best thing
25
00:01:27,618 --> 00:01:29,757
about dating a stripper,
you ask?
26
00:01:29,815 --> 00:01:30,522
Nope.
27
00:01:30,593 --> 00:01:31,999
Just asked for your drink order.
28
00:01:32,037 --> 00:01:33,754
I'll tell you the best thing
about dating a stripper.
29
00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:34,632
He'll just have a scotch.
30
00:01:34,649 --> 00:01:37,645
"Hey, I'm dating a stripper."
31
00:01:37,783 --> 00:01:39,283
And I should go.
32
00:01:39,285 --> 00:01:41,035
Time to make the doughnuts.
33
00:01:41,037 --> 00:01:43,821
More like time to make some
dough sitting on some nuts.
34
00:01:43,823 --> 00:01:44,905
She's a stripper.
35
00:01:44,907 --> 00:01:45,906
I'm dating her.
36
00:01:45,908 --> 00:01:47,124
I'm dating a stripper.
Barney wins.
37
00:01:47,126 --> 00:01:48,042
I'll walk you out.
38
00:01:48,044 --> 00:01:50,444
Hey, where are you going?
39
00:01:50,446 --> 00:01:52,046
Quinn needs to get to work.
She's a...
40
00:01:52,048 --> 00:01:53,947
I know, a stripper, got it.
41
00:01:53,949 --> 00:01:55,549
Hey, taxi!
42
00:01:56,552 --> 00:01:58,752
My girlfriend's a stripper!
43
00:01:58,754 --> 00:02:02,122
So, Ted, guess where we're
having dinner Friday night.
44
00:02:02,724 --> 00:02:03,807
Chez L'Argent.
45
00:02:03,809 --> 00:02:05,225
I am so excited.
46
00:02:05,227 --> 00:02:07,261
We've been trying forever
to get this reservation.
47
00:02:07,263 --> 00:02:09,146
Can you hold on
for just one second?
48
00:02:09,148 --> 00:02:10,514
What the hell are you doing?
49
00:02:10,516 --> 00:02:11,682
Nothing.
50
00:02:11,684 --> 00:02:13,601
Did you say you had to pee?
51
00:02:13,603 --> 00:02:15,102
No.
52
00:02:15,104 --> 00:02:16,937
But yeah, I do have to pee.
53
00:02:16,939 --> 00:02:19,823
Man, this kid better be
real freakin' cute!
54
00:02:22,027 --> 00:02:23,527
What was that all about?
55
00:02:23,529 --> 00:02:25,496
Lily had a sex dream last night.
56
00:02:26,815 --> 00:02:28,282
Sex dream?
Do tell.
57
00:02:28,284 --> 00:02:31,818
I was painting
the baby furniture...
58
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:35,539
Oh, yeah.
59
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:38,759
Oh, yeah.
60
00:02:38,761 --> 00:02:41,211
Hurry up,
before Marshall gets home.
61
00:02:41,213 --> 00:02:43,380
Oh, oh...
62
00:02:47,185 --> 00:02:49,053
Whoa!
63
00:02:49,055 --> 00:02:50,054
I'm sorry, baby.
64
00:02:50,056 --> 00:02:51,622
Were you asleep?
65
00:02:51,624 --> 00:02:54,108
All pregnant ladies
have crazy sex dreams.
66
00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:56,894
It's just her hormones
going berserk.
67
00:02:56,896 --> 00:02:59,530
So who's responsible for her
rapid thigh movement this time?
68
00:02:59,532 --> 00:03:01,565
Oh, my favorite was when
she banged George Washington.
69
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:05,018
I liked the three-way with
Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.
70
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:07,404
Oh, he smurfed
the smurf out of her.
71
00:03:07,406 --> 00:03:09,206
Yes, while The Cos
smurfed off in the corner.
72
00:03:09,208 --> 00:03:11,158
We all remember.
But here's the thing.
73
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,528
When Lily has dirty dreams
about other people,
74
00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:16,246
she always tells me.
75
00:03:16,248 --> 00:03:17,564
But this time...
76
00:03:17,566 --> 00:03:21,552
Sounds like you
had a crazy dream.
77
00:03:21,554 --> 00:03:24,054
What was it about?
78
00:03:25,523 --> 00:03:29,643
And then her face turned...
79
00:03:29,645 --> 00:03:32,312
vermilion.
80
00:03:32,314 --> 00:03:36,717
Just... you and me...
81
00:03:36,719 --> 00:03:39,653
gettin' it on, monogamously.
82
00:03:40,622 --> 00:03:45,325
Monoga-me-oh-my.
83
00:03:45,327 --> 00:03:48,395
Not the rose quartz
of the slightly embarrassed,
84
00:03:48,397 --> 00:03:51,281
or the tomato red
of the mildly abashed,
85
00:03:51,283 --> 00:03:55,035
vermilion, the color
of carnal shame.
86
00:03:56,037 --> 00:03:59,089
Can only mean one thing:
87
00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:01,592
Lily dream-banged
someone we know.
88
00:04:01,594 --> 00:04:04,178
Okay, you caught me
vermilion-handed.
89
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:07,598
The truth is, I've spent
the last five years
90
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,300
trying to inception your wife.
91
00:04:10,302 --> 00:04:12,386
That movie only came out
two years ago.
92
00:04:12,388 --> 00:04:14,438
What movie?
93
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,390
You know who I bet it is?
94
00:04:16,392 --> 00:04:17,975
Robin.
95
00:04:17,977 --> 00:04:19,860
Already checked.
96
00:04:19,862 --> 00:04:21,311
Lily and I paid her a visit
97
00:04:21,313 --> 00:04:23,480
at the new World Wide News
headquarters.
98
00:04:23,482 --> 00:04:25,449
And I'm so excited,
because I've been trying months
99
00:04:25,451 --> 00:04:26,433
to get this reservation.
100
00:04:26,435 --> 00:04:27,818
Can you hold on
just one second?
101
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:29,069
What the hell are you doing?!
102
00:04:29,071 --> 00:04:30,154
Nothing.
103
00:04:30,156 --> 00:04:32,372
Nice photo.
Oh.
104
00:04:32,374 --> 00:04:34,408
Your passport must be enormous.
105
00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:36,043
Ugh.
106
00:04:36,045 --> 00:04:39,613
You know, for the record,
I didn't want this.
107
00:04:39,615 --> 00:04:41,915
Didn't want it,
did not approve it.
108
00:04:43,002 --> 00:04:44,468
It's super embarrassing.
109
00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:46,787
Hey, Merle.
110
00:04:46,789 --> 00:04:50,240
So, uh, do you guys
want to come up and see my desk?
111
00:04:50,242 --> 00:04:51,508
Yeah, why not?
112
00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:53,060
Come on.
113
00:04:53,062 --> 00:04:54,561
I.D.?
114
00:04:54,563 --> 00:04:56,463
Oh. Um, that is me.
115
00:04:57,850 --> 00:04:58,965
Ma'am, with all due respect,
116
00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:01,268
you're a wee bit older
than that hottie.
117
00:05:02,238 --> 00:05:03,487
For God sakes.
118
00:05:03,489 --> 00:05:06,940
You know, here I am,
on national TV every day,
119
00:05:06,942 --> 00:05:10,410
and still a guy who spends
his whole life sitting next to
120
00:05:10,412 --> 00:05:12,780
a giant picture of me
has no idea who I am.
121
00:05:12,782 --> 00:05:15,032
This isn't my whole life;
I'm in a band.
122
00:05:15,034 --> 00:05:16,300
And we're gonna make it.
123
00:05:16,302 --> 00:05:18,535
And, kids, they did make it.
124
00:05:18,537 --> 00:05:20,904
But I'll get to that later.
125
00:05:20,906 --> 00:05:23,674
You know what, I'm probably not
going to get to that later.
126
00:05:23,676 --> 00:05:27,344
They had one song,
it didn't suck, the end.
127
00:05:27,346 --> 00:05:29,880
You always said
it wasn't about being famous.
128
00:05:29,882 --> 00:05:32,332
You just want to do
solid journalism, right?
129
00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:33,934
Yeah, well...
130
00:05:33,936 --> 00:05:36,136
Of course I want to be famous!
131
00:05:36,138 --> 00:05:37,504
In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles.
132
00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:38,689
I was a cabinhold name.
133
00:05:38,691 --> 00:05:39,790
But here?
134
00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:41,141
Don't need to see
your I.D., Merle.
135
00:05:41,143 --> 00:05:42,810
Everyone knows who you are.
136
00:05:42,812 --> 00:05:44,111
You're Merle.
137
00:05:44,113 --> 00:05:46,113
He was in one skit
in the Christmas party!
138
00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:49,850
Uh, by the way,
how is Ted doing?
139
00:05:49,852 --> 00:05:51,635
Kids, you remember
what happened.
140
00:05:51,637 --> 00:05:53,737
I declared my love,
she turned me down,
141
00:05:53,739 --> 00:05:56,456
we both moved out of
the apartment, and now...
142
00:05:56,458 --> 00:05:58,992
I haven't talked to him
since we... stopped talking.
143
00:06:00,028 --> 00:06:02,162
He's pretty good.
144
00:06:02,164 --> 00:06:03,413
Pretty good?
145
00:06:03,415 --> 00:06:05,782
Last night, you ate
a box of Froot Loops
146
00:06:05,784 --> 00:06:06,884
in your tighty whities.
147
00:06:06,886 --> 00:06:09,887
No, I demolished
a box of Froot Loops,
148
00:06:09,889 --> 00:06:12,639
fully nude.
149
00:06:12,641 --> 00:06:15,058
Yeah, "pretty good" works.
150
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,227
Hey, Barney.
151
00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:19,396
Hey, Lily.
152
00:06:22,851 --> 00:06:24,852
Do you know what this is about?
153
00:06:24,854 --> 00:06:25,519
Uh-huh.
154
00:06:25,521 --> 00:06:26,737
Do I want to know?
155
00:06:27,438 --> 00:06:28,722
No, sorry, bro.
156
00:06:28,724 --> 00:06:29,940
Damn it!
157
00:06:29,942 --> 00:06:31,391
Okay, time for my stuff.
158
00:06:31,393 --> 00:06:33,610
Guys, I was sitting
at home last night,
159
00:06:33,612 --> 00:06:36,246
and all of a sudden,
I had a piphany.
160
00:06:36,248 --> 00:06:37,614
And my piphany was this...
161
00:06:37,616 --> 00:06:39,449
Actually, it's, uh,
it's "epiphany."
162
00:06:39,451 --> 00:06:42,085
No, Ted, this is the piphany.
163
00:06:42,087 --> 00:06:43,453
And here it is:
164
00:06:43,455 --> 00:06:47,758
Make... every...
night... legendary.
165
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,293
Guys, we've had
166
00:06:49,295 --> 00:06:51,044
some pretty legendary nights.
167
00:06:51,046 --> 00:06:53,463
But we've also had some nights
that weren't so legendary.
168
00:06:53,465 --> 00:06:56,633
Lookin' at you, The Night Ted
Made Us All Watch Norbit.
169
00:06:56,635 --> 00:06:59,386
Eddie Murphy as a fat lady;
What's the problem?
170
00:06:59,388 --> 00:07:01,021
That was Eddie Murphy?
171
00:07:01,023 --> 00:07:03,023
The non-legendary
nights are done.
172
00:07:03,025 --> 00:07:06,109
From here on in, every
single night of our lives
173
00:07:06,111 --> 00:07:08,261
will be a night
we'll never forget.
174
00:07:08,263 --> 00:07:10,314
Starting tonight.
175
00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:14,267
Who's ready for the longest,
craziest adventure yet?!
176
00:07:15,454 --> 00:07:17,120
Good.
177
00:07:17,122 --> 00:07:19,606
The weak have been
weeded from our herd.
178
00:07:19,608 --> 00:07:21,491
You ready to rock
and roll, Ted?
179
00:07:21,493 --> 00:07:22,776
Yeah, I'm going home, too.
180
00:07:22,778 --> 00:07:24,344
I'm sensing some costumes
coming up here
181
00:07:24,346 --> 00:07:25,495
and I'd rather steer clear.
182
00:07:25,497 --> 00:07:27,864
Ted, 20 years from now,
183
00:07:27,866 --> 00:07:30,050
when you're all alone
and I'm President,
184
00:07:30,052 --> 00:07:31,168
you're not gonna remember
185
00:07:31,170 --> 00:07:33,170
sitting around your
apartment doing nothing.
186
00:07:33,172 --> 00:07:35,472
What you will remember
is that tonight,
187
00:07:35,474 --> 00:07:37,874
this night...
188
00:07:37,876 --> 00:07:41,111
was The Night We Started
a Mariachi Band!
189
00:07:41,113 --> 00:07:42,980
Uno, dos, tres, quatro!
190
00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,472
Okay, you were right.
191
00:07:52,474 --> 00:07:53,657
Memorable night.
192
00:07:53,659 --> 00:07:55,809
That was nothing
compared to mañana, amigo.
193
00:07:55,811 --> 00:07:57,861
Because mañana is gonna be...
194
00:07:57,863 --> 00:08:00,313
The Night We Ate Everything
on the Menu!
195
00:08:02,935 --> 00:08:04,835
A really memorable night.
196
00:08:04,837 --> 00:08:05,986
But tomorrow night...
197
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:09,106
Is The Night We Brought
a Horse into the Bar!
198
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,592
Okay, but tomorrow...
199
00:08:12,594 --> 00:08:16,280
Is The Night We Bungee Jump
off the Statue of Liberty!
200
00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:20,934
Nope.
201
00:08:20,936 --> 00:08:23,136
That night was the night
of Aunt Lily
202
00:08:23,138 --> 00:08:24,888
and Uncle Marshall's
fancy dinner.
203
00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:28,008
Complete with a fancy limo ride.
204
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:28,976
Surprise!
205
00:08:28,978 --> 00:08:30,143
Hello!
206
00:08:30,145 --> 00:08:32,796
Hi, Ranjit.
207
00:08:35,283 --> 00:08:37,484
No.
208
00:08:44,943 --> 00:08:47,028
Should I take the
West Side Highway?
209
00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:48,996
Why not, Ranjit?
210
00:08:48,998 --> 00:08:51,132
Don't you always just
take whatever you want,
211
00:08:51,134 --> 00:08:53,034
regardless of
anything but your own
212
00:08:53,036 --> 00:08:56,587
dirty, sick, twisted appetites?
213
00:08:59,041 --> 00:09:02,126
I'll stay on Broadway.
214
00:09:03,428 --> 00:09:04,628
I.D.?
215
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,931
For God's sakes, open your...
216
00:09:06,933 --> 00:09:09,050
Yeah, that's about right.
217
00:09:09,052 --> 00:09:10,685
I.D.?
218
00:09:10,687 --> 00:09:12,770
Robin had finally
learned the lesson
219
00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:14,855
that nobody
gets famous overnight.
220
00:09:16,392 --> 00:09:18,425
That night, she got famous.
221
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,593
Robin, there you are.
222
00:09:19,595 --> 00:09:20,928
Sandy Rivers!
223
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,063
Star of the show.
224
00:09:22,065 --> 00:09:24,115
What it is, my man.
Yeah.
225
00:09:24,117 --> 00:09:25,783
Robin, I've got
something big for you,
226
00:09:25,785 --> 00:09:27,535
something huge.
227
00:09:27,537 --> 00:09:29,470
And I want you on it.
228
00:09:29,472 --> 00:09:32,606
Sandy, you were
in the harassment video.
229
00:09:32,608 --> 00:09:33,941
You were great in that,
by the way.
230
00:09:33,943 --> 00:09:34,942
Thanks, holmes.
231
00:09:34,944 --> 00:09:36,243
And I like the way
232
00:09:36,245 --> 00:09:38,212
your filthy little mind works,
Robin, but this is real.
233
00:09:38,214 --> 00:09:39,163
Big story's breaking.
234
00:09:39,165 --> 00:09:40,798
Are you afraid of helicopters?
235
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,449
I love helicopters.
236
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,969
What am I covering, a war?
Better!
237
00:09:44,971 --> 00:09:48,406
World Wide News
brings you the world.
238
00:09:48,408 --> 00:09:50,391
And now Robin Scherbatsky
with traffic.
239
00:09:52,077 --> 00:09:55,295
You don't want to go
bungee jumping, fine.
240
00:09:55,297 --> 00:09:58,298
Tonight's The Night
We Stole a Mummy
241
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,735
from the Natural History Museum!
242
00:10:02,437 --> 00:10:03,971
Yeah, I'm not doing that.
243
00:10:03,973 --> 00:10:08,409
Then get out your MetroCard,
Ted, because tonight's
244
00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:11,311
The Night We Partied
with the Mole People!
245
00:10:12,948 --> 00:10:15,649
Barney, I have a Stouffer's
lasagna for one in the freezer
246
00:10:15,651 --> 00:10:17,368
that is going to be
unforgettable.
247
00:10:17,370 --> 00:10:19,503
I have a Sanford and Son
on my DVR
248
00:10:19,505 --> 00:10:22,206
that I will take with me
to my grave.
249
00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:24,925
I don't need tonight to be
any more memorable than that.
250
00:10:24,927 --> 00:10:27,845
Okay, Sanford and Son
does sound good.
251
00:10:27,847 --> 00:10:31,682
But if I could just present
a counter argument...
252
00:10:34,136 --> 00:10:36,520
You're locked out, dummy!
253
00:10:36,522 --> 00:10:38,305
Damn it! Barney!
254
00:10:38,307 --> 00:10:40,340
Give me your phone;
I'm calling my super.
255
00:10:40,342 --> 00:10:42,843
The only person we're calling
is everyone we know,
256
00:10:42,845 --> 00:10:46,147
because tonight's The Night
We Tracked Down Phil Collins,
257
00:10:46,149 --> 00:10:48,849
Became Best Friends with Him,
and Talked Him into Reuniting
258
00:10:48,851 --> 00:10:51,202
with Peter Gabriel,
So Then We Got to Sing Backup
259
00:10:51,204 --> 00:10:54,105
On The New Genesis Album
and It Was Awesome!
260
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:57,191
Fine, I'll use the
phone at the bar.
261
00:10:59,578 --> 00:11:02,413
Ranjit, would you please
put up the partition?
262
00:11:02,415 --> 00:11:05,416
Partition going up.
263
00:11:05,418 --> 00:11:07,534
You had a sex dream
about Ranjit!
264
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:09,036
Hello.
265
00:11:09,038 --> 00:11:10,471
Ranjit!
266
00:11:10,473 --> 00:11:12,039
Sorry.
267
00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:14,041
Okay, yes, I did,
268
00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:16,760
but it didn't mean anything.
269
00:11:16,762 --> 00:11:19,013
Okay, well, what
happened in this dream?
270
00:11:19,015 --> 00:11:20,380
And I want to know everything.
271
00:11:20,382 --> 00:11:21,715
Every explicit detail.
272
00:11:21,717 --> 00:11:23,067
Don't leave out any...
273
00:11:23,069 --> 00:11:24,819
Damn it, Ranjit!
274
00:11:24,821 --> 00:11:26,821
Sorry.
275
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:30,191
Marshall, it was a dream.
276
00:11:30,193 --> 00:11:31,575
Yeah, well, dreams
are just stuff
277
00:11:31,577 --> 00:11:33,861
that you subconsciously
want to happen.
278
00:11:33,863 --> 00:11:35,496
Why do you think
I'm constantly dreaming
279
00:11:35,498 --> 00:11:37,397
about Bigfoot playing
quarterback for the Vikings?
280
00:11:37,399 --> 00:11:40,668
Because you fall asleep
looking at a painting of it.
281
00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:42,169
It soothes me.
282
00:11:42,171 --> 00:11:44,538
Don't try to change the subject.
283
00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:46,457
You sleep-cheated.
284
00:11:46,459 --> 00:11:48,575
You've been
sleep-sleeping around,
285
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:49,760
and I'm sick of it.
286
00:11:49,762 --> 00:11:51,212
You know, I have half a mind
287
00:11:51,214 --> 00:11:53,264
to get out and let you
eat all by yourself.
288
00:11:53,266 --> 00:11:55,549
Should I pull over?
289
00:11:55,551 --> 00:11:56,750
Damn it, Ranjit!
290
00:11:56,752 --> 00:11:59,103
Yes, Ranjit.
Pull over.
291
00:11:59,105 --> 00:12:02,439
Pulling over.
292
00:12:02,441 --> 00:12:03,607
You watch, Ted.
293
00:12:03,609 --> 00:12:06,260
Tonight is going
to be legen--
294
00:12:06,262 --> 00:12:08,345
it's the night
we stole a camel...
295
00:12:09,965 --> 00:12:13,484
which means it'll be
full of drama-- dary.
296
00:12:13,486 --> 00:12:15,452
Dromedary!
297
00:12:15,454 --> 00:12:19,039
I applaud your wordplay,
but your core premise is flawed.
298
00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:21,208
Every night can't be legendary.
299
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:24,745
If all nights are legendary,
no nights are legendary.
300
00:12:24,747 --> 00:12:28,032
See, Ted,
that attitude right there,
301
00:12:28,034 --> 00:12:29,733
that's why I'm in the lead.
302
00:12:29,735 --> 00:12:31,085
What do you mean, in the lead?
303
00:12:31,087 --> 00:12:32,953
I'm talking about
the game of life, Ted.
304
00:12:32,955 --> 00:12:34,088
Scoreboard.
305
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:36,140
75 points.
306
00:12:36,142 --> 00:12:38,676
90 points.
307
00:12:38,678 --> 00:12:41,362
110 points.
308
00:12:41,364 --> 00:12:43,430
Sorry. Did you just make up
this point system?
309
00:12:43,432 --> 00:12:45,699
114 points.
310
00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:47,801
And ten points to you
for pointing that out.
311
00:12:47,803 --> 00:12:49,136
Nice job, Ted.
312
00:12:49,138 --> 00:12:51,222
15 points to me
for being gracious enough
313
00:12:51,224 --> 00:12:52,590
to give you those ten points.
314
00:12:52,592 --> 00:12:53,824
But here's the point, Ted.
315
00:12:53,826 --> 00:12:54,861
Every time I go out
316
00:12:54,892 --> 00:12:56,773
and have an awesome night
and you're not there,
317
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:58,615
that's another 100 points
in my column.
318
00:12:58,643 --> 00:13:00,710
So yeah, I'm in the lead.
319
00:13:00,956 --> 00:13:03,740
Barney, the fact that I
can stay home for a night
320
00:13:03,786 --> 00:13:06,103
shows that I have inner peace
321
00:13:06,155 --> 00:13:08,205
and that I don't feel
the need to keep score.
322
00:13:08,207 --> 00:13:09,873
That's worth like
1,000 points right there,
323
00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:12,543
so at the very
least, we're tied.
324
00:13:12,545 --> 00:13:14,428
We're so not tied.
325
00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:15,863
Although you know
what is tied--
326
00:13:15,865 --> 00:13:18,132
the strap
of my girlfriend's bikini.
327
00:13:18,134 --> 00:13:20,134
Except when it's not,
'cause she's a stripper.
328
00:13:20,136 --> 00:13:21,835
One million points!
Game.
329
00:13:21,837 --> 00:13:23,270
Shh.
330
00:13:23,272 --> 00:13:24,355
It's over.
331
00:13:24,357 --> 00:13:26,323
It's done. It's done.
332
00:13:27,776 --> 00:13:29,676
So what do you do?
333
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,011
You're kidding, right?
334
00:13:31,013 --> 00:13:32,813
I... I'm an on-air reporter.
335
00:13:32,815 --> 00:13:35,115
I just did a report
like five minutes ago.
336
00:13:35,117 --> 00:13:36,850
You sound frustrated.
337
00:13:36,852 --> 00:13:38,185
Yeah, I am.
338
00:13:38,187 --> 00:13:42,189
I'm busting my ass,
and as usual, no recognition.
339
00:13:42,191 --> 00:13:45,292
Robin, I've been
doing this a while,
340
00:13:45,294 --> 00:13:47,795
and if there's one thing
I've learned, it's flarm.
341
00:13:47,797 --> 00:13:49,913
What?
Flarm.
342
00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:51,865
Flarm, flarm, flarm.
343
00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:53,417
Blobbum.
344
00:13:53,419 --> 00:13:55,302
What is wrong with you?
345
00:13:55,304 --> 00:13:56,920
Are you having a stroke?
346
00:13:56,922 --> 00:13:58,705
As a matter of fact, he was.
347
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,424
Oh! Hold on! Wait!
348
00:14:00,426 --> 00:14:01,639
Meanwhile, Lily was in
349
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,364
desperate need
of a female friend.
350
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,769
Lily, I have seen this
a million times.
351
00:14:05,837 --> 00:14:08,370
Guys go crazy when there's
a baby on the way.
352
00:14:08,435 --> 00:14:10,767
You should have seen the manager
when his wife got pregnant.
353
00:14:10,791 --> 00:14:14,426
After the second trimester,
he made her stop stripping.
354
00:14:14,523 --> 00:14:16,857
Yeah, you're right.
355
00:14:16,859 --> 00:14:18,409
Now I feel bad.
356
00:14:18,411 --> 00:14:19,893
Our big dinner's been ruined.
357
00:14:19,895 --> 00:14:22,413
Marshall's
probably crying right now.
358
00:14:22,415 --> 00:14:25,165
I had no idea that
food could be this delicious.
359
00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:28,235
Marshall, you are being crazy.
360
00:14:28,237 --> 00:14:30,237
No, no, I can handle it.
361
00:14:30,239 --> 00:14:31,571
If I sell my laptop,
362
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:33,692
we can get seconds
on those squash blossoms.
363
00:14:33,733 --> 00:14:35,674
I mean about Lily.
364
00:14:36,154 --> 00:14:38,692
Well, you know,
she's being crazy, too.
365
00:14:38,717 --> 00:14:39,833
She's pregnant.
366
00:14:39,868 --> 00:14:41,301
She gets to be crazy.
367
00:14:41,346 --> 00:14:43,346
You have to be the sane one.
368
00:14:43,598 --> 00:14:45,191
So what, I don't get to be
crazy again
369
00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:46,447
until the baby comes?
370
00:14:46,524 --> 00:14:49,659
No. Then it's baby's turn
to be crazy.
371
00:14:50,410 --> 00:14:52,381
When do I get to be crazy again?
372
00:14:52,431 --> 00:14:53,600
Never.
373
00:14:59,034 --> 00:15:00,701
We are totally even.
374
00:15:00,703 --> 00:15:02,820
We absolutely are not even,
and here's why.
375
00:15:02,822 --> 00:15:04,371
I'll grant you
that if you include
376
00:15:04,373 --> 00:15:06,907
the 12 points
for designing the skyscraper,
377
00:15:06,909 --> 00:15:09,209
the 83 points for slapping five
with Tommy Lee
378
00:15:09,211 --> 00:15:12,262
and the 9,000 points
for banging Robin before me,
379
00:15:12,264 --> 00:15:14,932
our point totals
would be about neck and neck,
380
00:15:14,934 --> 00:15:16,834
but there's one thing
you're forgetting.
381
00:15:16,836 --> 00:15:18,085
The fact that I don't care?
382
00:15:18,087 --> 00:15:19,436
No.
383
00:15:19,438 --> 00:15:21,939
And you just lost five points
for sass.
384
00:15:21,941 --> 00:15:25,926
Do you remember a conversation
we had about three years ago?
385
00:15:25,928 --> 00:15:28,345
Barney, you're the king.
386
00:15:28,347 --> 00:15:29,897
Nobody picks up chicks like you.
387
00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:31,148
You're handsome,
388
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,983
debonair,
389
00:15:32,985 --> 00:15:35,069
everything I wish I could be.
390
00:15:35,071 --> 00:15:36,770
I'm starting to think
this never happened.
391
00:15:36,772 --> 00:15:38,789
Let you finish.
392
00:15:38,791 --> 00:15:41,308
You're smooth, charismatic,
393
00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:42,276
"sauve."
394
00:15:42,278 --> 00:15:43,777
I think you mean "suave."
395
00:15:43,779 --> 00:15:45,012
Aha.
396
00:15:45,014 --> 00:15:47,164
So you do remember.
397
00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:48,449
But there's one thing
398
00:15:48,451 --> 00:15:50,982
even a master ladies' man
like you could never do,
399
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,388
and if you could ever do it,
400
00:15:52,422 --> 00:15:54,764
it would be worth 500 points.
401
00:15:54,924 --> 00:15:58,493
You have my attention,
my slightly shorter friend.
402
00:15:58,523 --> 00:15:59,848
Here's the challenge.
403
00:15:59,890 --> 00:16:04,042
Get a girl's phone number
while you're wearing a dress.
404
00:16:06,301 --> 00:16:09,019
Challenge...
405
00:16:09,021 --> 00:16:10,721
Accomplished.
406
00:16:10,723 --> 00:16:11,805
That's right.
407
00:16:11,807 --> 00:16:13,474
Last year,
I slapped on a dress,
408
00:16:13,476 --> 00:16:15,342
took a few laps
around this very bar,
409
00:16:15,344 --> 00:16:16,844
and I got this:
410
00:16:16,846 --> 00:16:19,513
The phone number
of one Stephanie McColgan.
411
00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:22,253
Later that night,
I took off my pantyhose,
412
00:16:22,278 --> 00:16:24,963
and gave her panties...
my hose.
413
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,555
That's right, Ted.
414
00:16:26,607 --> 00:16:28,850
I am 500 points ahead.
415
00:16:28,884 --> 00:16:30,851
Until you can get
a girl's digits
416
00:16:30,891 --> 00:16:34,459
while wearing a dress,
you and I will never be even.
417
00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:36,463
You know what? The super's
probably waiting for me,
418
00:16:36,465 --> 00:16:38,248
and I just remembered
there's a spare key
419
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:40,000
under the doormat, so good night.
Wait, wait.
420
00:16:40,002 --> 00:16:41,368
Ted, don't go.
Barney, I am leaving.
421
00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:43,504
I'm afraid this is just
one of those nights
422
00:16:43,506 --> 00:16:45,139
we're probably going to forget.
423
00:16:45,141 --> 00:16:46,379
I don't think so, dude. Look.
424
00:16:46,427 --> 00:16:48,234
If you're just joining us,
the World Wide News
425
00:16:48,256 --> 00:16:50,873
Eye in the Sky traffic chopper
is out of control over Manhattan
426
00:16:50,919 --> 00:16:52,800
and being piloted
by our own Robin Scherbatsky.
427
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:55,162
This probably won't end well.
428
00:16:58,179 --> 00:17:00,637
Kids, every now and then,
New York has a moment
429
00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:02,758
when every eye in the city
is watching the same thing.
430
00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:05,860
This was one of those moments.
431
00:17:05,862 --> 00:17:08,713
We all watched breathlessly
as the pilot on the ground
432
00:17:08,715 --> 00:17:11,533
told her what to do,
and against all odds,
433
00:17:11,535 --> 00:17:15,203
your Aunt Robin
landed that helicopter.
434
00:17:16,623 --> 00:17:18,573
I did it.
435
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:20,992
I did it!
436
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:30,668
The pilot survived
and made a full recovery.
437
00:17:30,670 --> 00:17:32,036
And Robin?
438
00:17:32,038 --> 00:17:34,305
It's Robin Scherbatsky,
everybody!
439
00:17:36,509 --> 00:17:38,126
Thank you so much.
440
00:17:39,562 --> 00:17:42,146
Oh, okay...
441
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,648
Robin got famous.
442
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:45,700
In the next few days,
she would...
443
00:17:45,702 --> 00:17:47,402
meet the mayor,
444
00:17:47,404 --> 00:17:49,003
go on Letterman
445
00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:52,056
and even have a deli sandwich
named after her.
446
00:17:52,058 --> 00:17:54,275
But most importantly,
that night,
447
00:17:54,277 --> 00:17:56,060
she got a call, text or e-mail
448
00:17:56,062 --> 00:17:58,279
from almost everyone
she'd ever met.
449
00:17:58,281 --> 00:18:00,164
Hey, Marshall.
450
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,066
Hey, Lil.
451
00:18:02,068 --> 00:18:04,068
Hey, Barney.
452
00:18:04,070 --> 00:18:06,504
Yes, I know
you're dating a stripper.
453
00:18:06,506 --> 00:18:07,872
Mm-hmm.
454
00:18:07,874 --> 00:18:09,374
Hey, Dad.
455
00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:11,876
You proud of your little girl?
456
00:18:13,912 --> 00:18:16,380
Okay, I'll keep trying.
457
00:18:16,933 --> 00:18:20,768
Babe, I think
I know why you had
458
00:18:20,770 --> 00:18:23,471
that sex dream about Ranjit.
Why?
459
00:18:23,473 --> 00:18:24,772
Think about it.
460
00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:26,774
The way he talks
about his kids.
461
00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:28,759
He's a wonderful father.
462
00:18:28,761 --> 00:18:32,397
Just like Papa Smurf,
Bill Cosby...
463
00:18:32,399 --> 00:18:35,233
George Washington,
the father of our country.
464
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:38,236
You're attracted to great dads.
465
00:18:38,238 --> 00:18:40,071
And that's why you love me.
466
00:18:40,073 --> 00:18:43,608
Because I'm going to be
the greatest dad ever.
467
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:46,127
Sure, that must be it.
468
00:18:46,129 --> 00:18:48,494
Lily decided
not to tell Marshall
469
00:18:48,531 --> 00:18:50,342
about her dream
involving Frankenstein
470
00:18:50,383 --> 00:18:52,351
and the tea cup
from Beauty and the Beast.
471
00:18:52,529 --> 00:18:54,613
That one was just for her.
472
00:18:54,871 --> 00:18:56,821
Okay, Barney, I got to go.
473
00:18:56,891 --> 00:18:57,841
What?
474
00:18:57,884 --> 00:18:58,759
In the middle of
475
00:18:58,795 --> 00:19:00,939
"The Night You Got Locked Out
in Your Pajamas
476
00:19:00,964 --> 00:19:03,114
"and Robin Landed
a Freaking Helicopter
477
00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:05,940
and There's Still Time
to Reunite Genesis?"
478
00:19:06,009 --> 00:19:07,926
Dude, you got your wish.
479
00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,961
It's a night
we'll always remember.
480
00:19:09,963 --> 00:19:11,796
Why can't we just go home?
481
00:19:11,798 --> 00:19:13,431
I can't go home, Ted.
Why not?
482
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:16,601
Because...
I'm dating a stripper.
483
00:19:16,603 --> 00:19:18,203
Yes, I've seen your bus ad.
484
00:19:18,205 --> 00:19:19,921
I get it.
485
00:19:19,923 --> 00:19:21,472
No, you don't.
486
00:19:21,474 --> 00:19:24,826
Every night, between 9:00 p.m.
and 4:00 a.m.,
487
00:19:24,828 --> 00:19:26,444
I'm in hell.
488
00:19:26,446 --> 00:19:29,030
All I can think about
is what Quinn is doing
489
00:19:29,032 --> 00:19:32,250
and where she is doing it
and who she is doing it on.
490
00:19:32,252 --> 00:19:35,670
If I don't do something
to take my mind off of it...
491
00:19:38,157 --> 00:19:41,059
You're lucky that you can just
go sit around the house, Ted.
492
00:19:41,061 --> 00:19:43,178
I don't have that option.
493
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,463
Wow.
494
00:19:45,465 --> 00:19:47,282
You're in love with this girl.
495
00:19:47,284 --> 00:19:49,584
I really am, Ted.
496
00:19:49,586 --> 00:19:51,920
I mean...
497
00:19:51,922 --> 00:19:54,773
she's a stripper.
498
00:19:54,775 --> 00:19:56,441
Later that night...
499
00:20:09,121 --> 00:20:10,588
The next night,
500
00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:13,992
all I wanted to do
was enjoy a night at home.
501
00:20:16,062 --> 00:20:19,514
But there was something
I had to do.
502
00:20:33,045 --> 00:20:34,229
It wasn't easy,
503
00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:38,016
but by God,
after a long night of trying...
504
00:20:38,018 --> 00:20:39,851
Okay.
505
00:20:39,853 --> 00:20:41,853
Now we're even.
506
00:20:41,855 --> 00:20:43,822
500 points.
507
00:20:43,824 --> 00:20:45,023
Scoreboard.
508
00:20:45,025 --> 00:20:46,324
More than a legendary night
509
00:20:46,326 --> 00:20:47,725
we'd remember forever,
510
00:20:47,727 --> 00:20:51,363
Uncle Barney needed a bro
to help him forget.
511
00:20:51,365 --> 00:20:53,665
In this case, a bro in a dress.
512
00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:56,034
I'm proud of you.
513
00:20:56,036 --> 00:20:57,869
Are you wearing perfume?
514
00:20:57,871 --> 00:21:00,568
It's a unisex fragrance.
It was in Details.
515
00:21:01,281 --> 00:21:04,096
It's nice.
It's perfume.