1 00:00:01,616 --> 00:00:03,717 Kids, when Aunt Lily went into labor, 2 00:00:03,743 --> 00:00:06,300 Marshall was somewhere slightly inconvenient, 3 00:00:06,335 --> 00:00:08,741 in Atlantic City with Uncle Barney, 4 00:00:08,770 --> 00:00:11,437 and drunk to the point of talking like Yoda. 5 00:00:11,462 --> 00:00:12,937 Baby come... 6 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,663 Papa gonna be am I... 7 00:00:14,751 --> 00:00:16,775 Hospital must we get now... 8 00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:19,557 Okay, there's like a four-hour wait at the valet stand. 9 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:22,821 Plus, we're in no shape to drive. So, a car's out... 10 00:00:22,878 --> 00:00:26,162 Wait, don't worry. We'll take a cab to the train station. 11 00:00:26,203 --> 00:00:27,686 Yeah, good luck getting a cab. 12 00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:29,358 It's impossible because of the big thing. 13 00:00:29,399 --> 00:00:31,317 Kids, for the life of me, I can't remember 14 00:00:31,357 --> 00:00:33,991 what the big thing was in Atlantic City that weekend. 15 00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,300 Was it a cheerleading convention? 16 00:00:37,764 --> 00:00:40,449 No, it was a porn convention. 17 00:00:40,921 --> 00:00:43,437 Sci-fi convention? 18 00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:45,580 Eh, I can't remember. 19 00:00:48,387 --> 00:00:52,660 - We're stuck in Atlantic City! - City of Atlantic stuck in are we. 20 00:00:52,684 --> 00:01:00,684 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 21 00:01:06,573 --> 00:01:08,433 Okay, Lily, it's going to be fine. 22 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,815 We are not freaking out. We are not freaking out! 23 00:01:11,856 --> 00:01:14,379 I feel calmer already. Let's get you to the hospital. 24 00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:17,176 Oh, I can't go yet. I talked to Dr. Sonya. 25 00:01:17,192 --> 00:01:18,885 They won't admit me until my contractions 26 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,067 are four minutes apart. 27 00:01:20,102 --> 00:01:21,492 Okay, well, if you don't make it in time, 28 00:01:21,522 --> 00:01:24,379 I have got you covered. When I was 13, my father caught me 29 00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:26,289 kissing a boy, so he sent me to our family's ranch 30 00:01:26,304 --> 00:01:28,898 for foaling season. Once you see a baby horse 31 00:01:28,927 --> 00:01:31,621 erupt through that birth canal, you stop even touching yourself. 32 00:01:31,682 --> 00:01:34,226 Anyway, I had skinny arms, so I got up there elbow deep. 33 00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:35,720 I lost this watch birthing Blacky... 34 00:01:35,734 --> 00:01:39,319 Okay, stop it. I am not a farm animal. 35 00:01:39,361 --> 00:01:42,345 Oh, there we go. Easy girl. Sugar cube? 36 00:01:42,371 --> 00:01:43,801 Oh, okay. 37 00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:45,762 Ah, don't worry, Lil. 38 00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:48,586 Some of us know what a woman actually needs 39 00:01:48,602 --> 00:01:49,834 at a time like this. 40 00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:54,005 A kick-ass labor announcement e-mail. 41 00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:55,398 A man, 42 00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:56,767 a woman, 43 00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:58,358 and their best friend, 44 00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:00,800 embark on an incredible journey. 45 00:02:00,904 --> 00:02:04,389 Lily's cervix is dilating, and we want you all 46 00:02:04,404 --> 00:02:07,021 to be part of its grand opening. 47 00:02:07,023 --> 00:02:09,626 You are not sending that to anyone, ever. 48 00:02:09,678 --> 00:02:13,647 So what I need right now is distraction from the pain. 49 00:02:13,697 --> 00:02:14,968 Just tell me a story. 50 00:02:14,998 --> 00:02:17,081 Uh, what story? I don't care. Anything. 51 00:02:17,082 --> 00:02:18,709 How about the worst cab ride ever? 52 00:02:18,751 --> 00:02:20,551 Clean your window for you? - No! 53 00:02:20,591 --> 00:02:22,007 Hey, get off my cab! 54 00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,374 Oh! Oh, God! 55 00:02:26,376 --> 00:02:28,426 Oh! Ah! 56 00:02:33,717 --> 00:02:36,017 We are not panicking! We are not panicking! 57 00:02:36,019 --> 00:02:38,085 Get on all fours; It widens your hind quarters. 58 00:02:38,087 --> 00:02:41,088 Stop it! I am not a farm animal! 59 00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:43,892 But give me that sugar cube. 60 00:02:43,894 --> 00:02:46,778 Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital 61 00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:49,447 or die trying. And if I succeed, 62 00:02:49,449 --> 00:02:51,737 I ask only one thing in return. 63 00:02:51,762 --> 00:02:53,762 You can't have sex with Lily. 64 00:02:54,277 --> 00:02:56,277 I ask only a second thing in return. 65 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,301 We're not naming our child Barney! 66 00:02:58,950 --> 00:03:00,950 I ask only a third thing in return. 67 00:03:01,025 --> 00:03:03,674 Let me choose your child's middle name. 68 00:03:03,734 --> 00:03:06,485 Because I have thought up the most awesome name of all time. 69 00:03:06,588 --> 00:03:08,221 What's the middle name? 70 00:03:08,262 --> 00:03:09,911 Wait for it... 71 00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:11,109 I'm waiting. 72 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,727 Wait for it... 73 00:03:12,837 --> 00:03:14,620 I said I'm waiting. 74 00:03:14,622 --> 00:03:16,956 Wait for it. What's the middle name? 75 00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,392 No, the middle name is "Wait For It." 76 00:03:19,394 --> 00:03:21,878 Let's say his first name is, oh, I don't know, Barney. 77 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,415 He'd be Barney "Wait For It" Eriksen. 78 00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:28,618 How awesome is that? 79 00:03:29,525 --> 00:03:30,959 That is... 80 00:03:31,171 --> 00:03:34,048 the coolest... middle name of all time. 81 00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:36,301 I know! Okay, listen. 82 00:03:36,594 --> 00:03:39,479 I have a plan to get us to New York. 83 00:03:39,481 --> 00:03:42,482 All we have to do is get our hands on that motorcycle. 84 00:03:42,484 --> 00:03:48,171 And I know just the way to do it. 85 00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:55,194 Here. 86 00:03:55,196 --> 00:03:57,830 Oh. Hi, Judy. 87 00:03:57,832 --> 00:04:01,918 Oh, good. You got the e-mail from Ted. 88 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:05,421 No, I am not worried my city hips are too narrow, 89 00:04:05,423 --> 00:04:07,757 and-and your grandson's going to get stuck. 90 00:04:07,759 --> 00:04:09,308 I got to go. 91 00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:11,844 I thought you deleted that stupid e-mail. 92 00:04:11,846 --> 00:04:14,046 Okay, I sent it by accident. 93 00:04:14,048 --> 00:04:15,982 - She like it? - Yes! 94 00:04:15,984 --> 00:04:17,716 Just keep telling me stories! 95 00:04:17,718 --> 00:04:22,572 Second base with Neil Young. 96 00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:24,490 Um, 97 00:04:24,492 --> 00:04:29,015 I don't normally go to, um, second base and tell, 98 00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:34,738 but I just spent a magical night with Neil Young. 99 00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:36,191 He's still in my room. 100 00:04:36,215 --> 00:04:37,732 - Seriously? - Oh, my God. 101 00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,569 Be cool guys, don't scare him off. 102 00:04:40,709 --> 00:04:42,158 He-Hey... 103 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,940 - Robin... - Yeah. 104 00:04:47,602 --> 00:04:49,436 That's not Neil Young. 105 00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:53,467 Oh, God. 106 00:04:54,943 --> 00:04:57,963 Oh, we're busting apple bags? I can bust apple bags. 107 00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:01,027 Ted, remember when we were dating and we threw that party 108 00:05:01,062 --> 00:05:03,670 and one of those appetizers just didn't sit right? 109 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,564 Ah... doesn't sound familiar. 110 00:05:06,585 --> 00:05:10,280 I call this story "Ted and the Cuban Sandwich Crisis." 111 00:05:12,623 --> 00:05:14,521 Ted came out of that bathroom looking like 112 00:05:14,544 --> 00:05:17,545 Joe Frazier after the Thrilla in Manila. 113 00:05:17,574 --> 00:05:20,959 Oh, what is that smell!? 114 00:05:21,282 --> 00:05:23,199 Ugh! 115 00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:28,404 So I, being a great girlfriend, tried to help him out. 116 00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:33,196 You guys are all crazy; I don't smell anything. 117 00:05:33,346 --> 00:05:35,429 Anyway, uh, who wants to go up on the roof? 118 00:05:35,462 --> 00:05:36,263 But then... 119 00:05:36,307 --> 00:05:40,192 She, who denied it, supplied it. 120 00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:44,293 Yeah, must have been that Cuban sandwich, huh, babe? 121 00:05:46,391 --> 00:05:47,539 That was not cool, Ted. 122 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:48,625 Contraction! 123 00:05:48,664 --> 00:05:50,781 That wasn't cool, Ted? 124 00:05:50,838 --> 00:05:52,638 Just keep going with the stories. 125 00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:54,452 I don't even care if I've heard it before. 126 00:05:54,468 --> 00:05:57,302 Just tell me, uh, "Where Does That Door Go?" 127 00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,801 Okay. 128 00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:02,588 Hey, I've never noticed that door before. 129 00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,826 I wonder where it goes. 130 00:06:09,913 --> 00:06:12,114 - Ted. - Ted. 131 00:06:12,116 --> 00:06:14,467 No, no, no, let him... let him... 132 00:06:18,831 --> 00:06:21,132 Wow... 133 00:06:25,395 --> 00:06:27,129 - Don't... - No... 134 00:06:27,131 --> 00:06:28,931 Robi... 135 00:06:35,155 --> 00:06:37,823 Oh... 136 00:06:37,825 --> 00:06:39,575 Wow... 137 00:06:40,811 --> 00:06:42,244 Dad, oh, good. 138 00:06:42,246 --> 00:06:44,277 Let me guess, you got Ted's e-mail. 139 00:06:44,348 --> 00:06:47,682 - I'm on my way, Princess. - Dad, wait, no, not... 140 00:06:47,747 --> 00:06:48,930 Damn it, Ted. 141 00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:53,205 I was okay with you e-mailing my aunt, my cousins, 142 00:06:53,207 --> 00:06:55,841 and your cousins, and the guy that Robin thought was Neil Young. 143 00:06:55,843 --> 00:06:59,795 But my father is the absolute worst person to have around 144 00:06:59,797 --> 00:07:02,181 in any sort of medical situation. 145 00:07:02,183 --> 00:07:03,999 When I was seven, I needed 146 00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,317 to have my tonsils out. 147 00:07:05,319 --> 00:07:07,269 Daddy, I'm scared. 148 00:07:07,271 --> 00:07:11,107 Aw, Princess, I would be too. I've researched this surgery. 149 00:07:11,109 --> 00:07:14,276 Anything can happen. You could bleed to death... 150 00:07:14,278 --> 00:07:16,862 you could have your jaw removed due to infection, 151 00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:19,848 and the anesthesia could suddenly just stop working, 152 00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:21,734 much like your mom's and my marriage. 153 00:07:24,655 --> 00:07:27,856 You do know that we're getting a divor... 154 00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:30,709 Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it after the surgery. 155 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,028 Calm down, girl. 156 00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:35,631 Okay, for the last time, I am not... 157 00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:38,467 Actually, keep going. 158 00:07:38,469 --> 00:07:41,504 Okay, I admit the whole "win a motorcycle plan" was stupid. 159 00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:45,858 Especially because we've been playing on the wrong machine. 160 00:07:48,396 --> 00:07:51,013 Meet me at the entrance in five minutes. 161 00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:59,188 Hop on, Marshall. Tonight, we ride! 162 00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:00,990 You won that? 163 00:08:00,992 --> 00:08:03,859 Not exactly. You see, I... 164 00:08:03,861 --> 00:08:05,244 Get off! 165 00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:12,822 I hope Marshall's close. Cube me. 166 00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:16,534 I'm on my way, Lily Pad. 167 00:08:18,696 --> 00:08:20,062 Kids, your Uncle Marshall 168 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,332 has faced many challenges in his life. 169 00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:24,334 But he still considers getting up these two steps 170 00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:27,086 when he was this drunk to be the hardest one of all. 171 00:08:43,187 --> 00:08:45,054 Tell me a Marshall story. I miss him. 172 00:08:45,056 --> 00:08:49,142 Got it. "The Tale of the Cursed Pants." 173 00:08:49,144 --> 00:08:52,145 Hey, guys. 174 00:08:52,147 --> 00:08:54,981 So, I'm starting worry about these pants. 175 00:08:54,983 --> 00:08:56,032 Starting to? 176 00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:57,900 No, ever since I got them, terrible things 177 00:08:57,902 --> 00:08:59,819 I stubbed my toe, 178 00:08:59,821 --> 00:09:02,104 I missed my train... You put on the pants. 179 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:05,107 And then the lady at the thrift store said that for years, 180 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,792 no one so much as tried them on. Can you believe that? 181 00:09:06,817 --> 00:09:07,973 Yes. 182 00:09:08,022 --> 00:09:09,688 You know what this means? 183 00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:13,399 These pants are cursed. 184 00:09:15,252 --> 00:09:17,286 What's this in the pocket? 185 00:09:19,757 --> 00:09:21,891 A clue. 186 00:09:21,893 --> 00:09:24,310 Marshall had the writing translated. 187 00:09:24,312 --> 00:09:27,563 It led him deep into the heart of Chinatown. 188 00:09:38,158 --> 00:09:40,043 It is you. 189 00:09:40,045 --> 00:09:42,528 The One has arrived. 190 00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:52,438 Dry cleaning, $21.50. 191 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,065 I remember that suit. He looked like 192 00:09:55,093 --> 00:09:57,927 a little kid's imaginary friend. 193 00:09:57,929 --> 00:09:59,829 Where is he?! 194 00:09:59,831 --> 00:10:02,323 Now, Uncle Marshall knew he had only one chance 195 00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:04,103 - of getting out- 196 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,948 Bribing a cab driver. 197 00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:08,020 Machine that gives money! 198 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,598 Now, Marshall was pretty drunk, 199 00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:18,548 but he swears the ATM started to do this. 200 00:10:35,999 --> 00:10:38,200 Stop hitting me. Just for that, 201 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,920 you're never getting home for the birth of your son. 202 00:10:50,597 --> 00:10:54,016 No!! 203 00:10:54,018 --> 00:10:55,651 What's up, bro? 204 00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:58,387 Wait, how did you... with the security? 205 00:10:58,389 --> 00:10:59,722 I'll explain. 206 00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:05,077 Tell me why we shouldn't call the authorities... 207 00:11:05,079 --> 00:11:08,164 - right now? - Go ahead, call 'em. 208 00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:11,400 But first, can you show me the rule that says you can't 209 00:11:11,402 --> 00:11:14,086 drive a motorcycle on the casino floor? 210 00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:19,258 It's not in here. 211 00:11:21,628 --> 00:11:25,715 And, kids, that sign is still there to this day. 212 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,634 When I came out, I ran into this guy. 213 00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:30,219 Two seats just opened up 214 00:11:30,221 --> 00:11:33,255 on his bus to New York! 215 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,727 Barney, you're a genius! 216 00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:37,004 Plus, here's the best part. 217 00:11:37,026 --> 00:11:39,699 This Quinn thing is probably done, so I'm basically single. 218 00:11:39,781 --> 00:11:43,483 He said the bus is full of hot college seniors. 219 00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:46,452 Okay, maybe he didn't say "college." 220 00:11:46,454 --> 00:11:48,070 Or "hot." 221 00:11:48,072 --> 00:11:50,490 I miss Quinn. 222 00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:52,909 What is taking Marshall so long? 223 00:11:52,911 --> 00:11:53,743 Salt lick? 224 00:11:53,745 --> 00:11:56,028 Just finish the door story! 225 00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:11,811 Oh, wow. 226 00:12:13,847 --> 00:12:16,682 I don't like this. 227 00:12:16,684 --> 00:12:18,818 Okay, okay, that's four minutes! 228 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,019 We're going to the hospital. 229 00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:21,487 W-Wait, but Marshall's not here yet. 230 00:12:21,489 --> 00:12:23,523 I can't go to the hospital without Marshall! 231 00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:24,907 I'm on it. Lily, spread your legs. 232 00:12:24,909 --> 00:12:26,609 I'm gonna see if we can see the hooves-- 233 00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,244 uh, the-the snout-- uh, the head. 234 00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:30,029 - Here we go. - Take me to the hospital now. 235 00:12:30,031 --> 00:12:31,864 Okay. Come on, come on. 236 00:12:31,866 --> 00:12:32,982 Excuse me, sir. 237 00:12:32,984 --> 00:12:34,787 My wife is in labor, and I really need to 238 00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:36,139 get to Saint Marcus Hospital. 239 00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:39,038 So where exactly in New York does this bus drop off? 240 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,523 Buffalo. 241 00:12:45,859 --> 00:12:47,835 What do you mean I can't have an epidural? 242 00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:49,446 You're too far along. 243 00:12:49,531 --> 00:12:52,198 Things are moving much faster than expected. 244 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,014 Look, if your hands are tied medically, 245 00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:58,567 just leave the epidural on the table and walk away. 246 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,102 Don't worry. 247 00:13:00,104 --> 00:13:02,271 The baby slide right out, huh? 248 00:13:02,273 --> 00:13:03,856 It's like a whoosh. 249 00:13:03,858 --> 00:13:05,240 Like a waterslide. 250 00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,411 Slightly painful waterslide. 251 00:13:10,698 --> 00:13:12,447 Tell me a story now! 252 00:13:12,449 --> 00:13:13,565 - Uh... - Uh... 253 00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:14,700 Oh! Remember the time Barney 254 00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,256 tried to pick up girls as the Terminator? 255 00:13:16,281 --> 00:13:18,281 Yes. 256 00:13:31,301 --> 00:13:34,603 Come with me if you want to bang. 257 00:13:35,939 --> 00:13:37,439 Another. 258 00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,208 Oh, uh, Ted and the freakishly long arm hair! 259 00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,693 No, I disagree, because the filling-- 260 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:44,229 It depends on what you're eating, right? 261 00:13:44,231 --> 00:13:45,096 If it's... 262 00:13:45,098 --> 00:13:47,032 Whoa. What the...? 263 00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:49,117 Whoa. 264 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,454 The debunking of the freakishly long arm hair. 265 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,941 Wait, it's-it's just a thread. 266 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,377 I was jealous, okay? 267 00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,962 Barney's getting all the attention today 268 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,080 with this Terminator thing. 269 00:14:02,082 --> 00:14:04,666 Huh. Can't believe I'm not getting laid in this thing. 270 00:14:04,668 --> 00:14:08,670 Maybe I need to pick a different part of the movie. 271 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,063 Tell me another story! 272 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,282 Oh, hey, we never finished "Where does that door go"" 273 00:14:20,284 --> 00:14:21,650 Come on. 274 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,135 Let's check it out. 275 00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:24,653 You know what, baby, they're gone. 276 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,956 It's time for us to move on. 277 00:14:29,475 --> 00:14:31,777 L-Lil... 278 00:14:36,482 --> 00:14:39,001 Oh, my God. 279 00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:42,170 New story! 280 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,505 Uh, the time we tested 281 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,069 if banana peels are really slippery. 282 00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:45,808 Yes. 283 00:14:45,809 --> 00:14:47,125 Ready? 284 00:14:47,127 --> 00:14:50,462 There's no way that's really slippery. 285 00:14:52,633 --> 00:14:53,966 Ow! Ow! Ow! 286 00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:56,385 Uh, the Halloween we decided to go as The Breakfast Club, 287 00:14:56,387 --> 00:14:58,603 but failed to coordinate our costumes! 288 00:14:58,605 --> 00:14:59,604 - Uh... - Does... 289 00:14:59,606 --> 00:15:01,273 Oh. 290 00:15:02,726 --> 00:15:04,643 - Really? - I mean, you live with me, Lily. 291 00:15:04,645 --> 00:15:05,677 Yeah, that was funny. 292 00:15:05,679 --> 00:15:06,678 Keep going! 293 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,063 Oh, uh, uh... 294 00:15:08,065 --> 00:15:10,399 the-the time Barney saved a woman's life. 295 00:15:10,401 --> 00:15:11,683 Ready? 296 00:15:11,685 --> 00:15:14,853 There's no way that's really slippery. 297 00:15:19,076 --> 00:15:20,809 Uh, the time Lily went into labor! 298 00:15:20,811 --> 00:15:22,044 That's now! 299 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,245 Sorry, I'm running out of stories. 300 00:15:23,247 --> 00:15:24,246 Forget it! 301 00:15:24,248 --> 00:15:25,797 They're not working anymore! 302 00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,582 Okay, Lily, I know this isn't how you imagined it, 303 00:15:27,584 --> 00:15:28,750 but I want you to know 304 00:15:28,752 --> 00:15:31,386 that I am here for you and I am rock solid! 305 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,422 Oh, I can see its head. 306 00:15:35,224 --> 00:15:37,349 Oh, thank God, Dr. Sonya! 307 00:15:37,409 --> 00:15:38,218 You! 308 00:15:38,253 --> 00:15:41,203 Get that thing out of my delivery room! 309 00:15:41,226 --> 00:15:43,443 Weak women disgust me. 310 00:15:43,494 --> 00:15:45,351 All right, Lily, legs up! 311 00:15:45,382 --> 00:15:46,641 We push now, yes?! 312 00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,944 I can't. Marshall's not here yet. 313 00:15:48,977 --> 00:15:49,806 Lily! 314 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,649 If you don't push, I will shove that baby 315 00:15:52,666 --> 00:15:55,223 up your throat and pull it out of your mouth! 316 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,063 Where the hell is Marshall?! 317 00:15:58,065 --> 00:16:00,732 I can't do this without Marshall! 318 00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:04,710 Kids, sometimes the universe sends exactly what you ask for. 319 00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:08,193 Other times, it sends Lily's dad. 320 00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,375 Oh... 321 00:16:10,377 --> 00:16:12,744 Remember the time you had your tonsils out? 322 00:16:12,746 --> 00:16:14,245 Yeah, yeah. 323 00:16:14,247 --> 00:16:15,797 You scared the crap out of me. 324 00:16:15,799 --> 00:16:17,599 Yes, I did, didn't I? 325 00:16:19,303 --> 00:16:20,552 Oh, my. 326 00:16:20,554 --> 00:16:23,038 But do you remember what happened next? 327 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,422 And don't worry, Princess, 328 00:16:24,424 --> 00:16:26,641 if you permanently lose the ability to speak, 329 00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:28,110 we'll give you a chalkboard. 330 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:31,429 You can hang it around your neck on a little string. 331 00:16:31,431 --> 00:16:34,816 Nurse, I don't know who this strange man is. 332 00:16:34,818 --> 00:16:36,201 Security! 333 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,203 What are you talking about? I'm your daddy. 334 00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,154 What do you mean... 335 00:16:39,156 --> 00:16:40,422 Hey, fellas, come on! 336 00:16:40,424 --> 00:16:42,791 I woke up in a Dumpster of medical waste, 337 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,243 and I couldn't have been prouder. 338 00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:48,413 Because, much like that dumpster, 339 00:16:48,415 --> 00:16:50,799 you had a lot of guts. 340 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:55,286 And you've used that bravery every day of your life. 341 00:16:55,288 --> 00:16:57,839 With or without Marshall. 342 00:16:57,841 --> 00:17:00,642 You're having this baby. 343 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,460 Thanks, Dad. 344 00:17:02,462 --> 00:17:04,096 That story actually helped. 345 00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:05,480 Oh, good, I'm glad. 346 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,849 And, you know, few women have vaginal tearing severe enough 347 00:17:07,851 --> 00:17:09,317 to need surgical reconstruction... 348 00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:11,018 - Security! - Oh, come on. 349 00:17:11,021 --> 00:17:12,154 That's not necessary. 350 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,321 Sweetheart, please... 351 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,521 Oh, fellas, come on. 352 00:17:14,563 --> 00:17:15,979 Please, sir, all you have to do 353 00:17:15,997 --> 00:17:17,633 is take the next exit to Manhattan. 354 00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,574 You'll be back on the road in 20 minutes. 355 00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:20,653 I already told you, 356 00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:21,953 I'm not allowed to stop. 357 00:17:23,033 --> 00:17:25,944 Sir, this man is having a baby tonight. 358 00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:28,362 And instead of going to Saint Marcus Hospital, 359 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,788 we're going to Buffalo. 360 00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:33,279 And I've seen women from there; The city's aptly named. 361 00:17:33,395 --> 00:17:35,968 Look, I'm a screwup. 362 00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:38,013 I had something special with this girl Quinn, 363 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,131 and I ruined it. 364 00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:42,767 But this guy-- he's done everything right. 365 00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:45,554 He's been loving and devoted since he was 18 years old. 366 00:17:45,556 --> 00:17:49,191 There are only a few truly great people on this planet, 367 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,692 and he is one of them. 368 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:54,396 He deserves to be at the birth of his son. 369 00:17:54,398 --> 00:17:56,865 So... what do you say? 370 00:17:56,867 --> 00:18:00,118 Unless there's an emergency, I'm not allowed to stop, 371 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:04,289 so sit down, watch Cocoon 2 and shut up. 372 00:18:08,861 --> 00:18:10,912 I'm sorry, buddy, I tried. 373 00:18:10,914 --> 00:18:13,915 And then, something wonderful happened. 374 00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:16,534 I'm having a heart attack! 375 00:18:17,837 --> 00:18:21,056 I'm having a heart attack! 376 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,974 I'm having a heart attack! 377 00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:26,061 And my doctor is at Saint Marcus Hospital! 378 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,646 So is mine! 379 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,763 Mine, too. 380 00:18:28,765 --> 00:18:31,382 And my son is head of Cardiology. 381 00:18:31,384 --> 00:18:33,435 We know! 382 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,687 Push! 383 00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:38,223 I wish Marshall were here! 384 00:18:38,225 --> 00:18:39,858 I'm here, baby. 385 00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:40,775 Marshall! 386 00:18:40,777 --> 00:18:42,744 I don't know why I passed out. 387 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,614 I have delivered 12 perfectly healthy babies, 388 00:18:45,616 --> 00:18:47,582 and one of them was even human. 389 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,234 Well, it's different when it's someone you love. 390 00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:51,086 When that head was coming out of your best friend. 391 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,921 Oh, stop. I'm feeling woozy again. 392 00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,206 Don't. 393 00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:55,573 Salt lick? 394 00:18:55,575 --> 00:18:59,544 In return for him getting me here, I may have promised Barney 395 00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:03,548 that our son's middle name will be Wait For It. 396 00:19:03,550 --> 00:19:05,884 I can't wait, just-- what is the name? 397 00:19:05,886 --> 00:19:08,553 The name is Wait For It. 398 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:14,759 That is the coolest middle name of all time! 399 00:19:14,761 --> 00:19:16,228 Look, um, 400 00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:20,148 I know things have been weird between us the last few months, 401 00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:21,483 but... 402 00:19:21,485 --> 00:19:23,568 Marshall and Lily are having a baby. 403 00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:24,869 Yeah. 404 00:19:24,871 --> 00:19:27,122 And, you know, I want this baby to be born 405 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,608 into a world where we're okay. 406 00:19:30,409 --> 00:19:32,344 So, friends? 407 00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:34,012 I love you, Robin. 408 00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:35,664 Kidding. 409 00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:36,548 You... 410 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,615 - Friends. - You... 411 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,803 Guys, great news from down the hall. 412 00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:46,594 One dollar, two bags of gummy bears! 413 00:19:46,637 --> 00:19:47,937 It's like, I don't even care 414 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,061 what happens for the rest of the day. 415 00:19:50,352 --> 00:19:51,378 I... 416 00:19:51,635 --> 00:19:53,134 Hey. 417 00:19:53,183 --> 00:19:54,632 Well, guys, uh... 418 00:19:56,136 --> 00:19:57,352 I'm a dad. 419 00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:58,636 Oh, my God! 420 00:20:01,191 --> 00:20:03,308 Everybody, 421 00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:05,493 this is Marvin. 422 00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:08,213 We named him after my pop. 423 00:20:09,448 --> 00:20:11,366 Tell them the full name. 424 00:20:11,368 --> 00:20:15,537 Marvin Wait For It Eriksen. 425 00:20:15,539 --> 00:20:18,590 That is the coolest middle name of all-time. 426 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,308 Totally. 427 00:20:21,677 --> 00:20:25,463 ♪ You were born into a strange world ♪ 428 00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:28,600 ♪ Like a candle, you were meant to share the fire ♪ 429 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:32,337 ♪ I don't know where we come from, I don't know where we go ♪ 430 00:20:32,339 --> 00:20:34,639 ♪ But my arms were made to hold you ♪ 431 00:20:34,641 --> 00:20:36,507 ♪ So I will never let you go ♪ 432 00:20:36,524 --> 00:20:39,649 ♪ 'Cause you were born ♪ 433 00:20:39,846 --> 00:20:43,114 ♪ To change this life, you were born. ♪ 434 00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,434 Boo!