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00:00:02,026 --> 00:00:03,690
Kids, this is the story
2
00:00:03,707 --> 00:00:06,358
of a wedding day
that went horribly wrong.
3
00:00:07,199 --> 00:00:08,899
Ted, the bride wants to see you.
4
00:00:10,873 --> 00:00:13,992
Uncle Barney
was getting married.
5
00:00:14,439 --> 00:00:17,490
How the hell did we get there?
6
00:00:20,085 --> 00:00:21,502
I love the name Marvin.
7
00:00:21,637 --> 00:00:22,970
Marv.
8
00:00:22,972 --> 00:00:25,089
Sounds like a little
middle-aged man.
9
00:00:25,925 --> 00:00:27,024
Golf next weekend, Marv?
10
00:00:27,026 --> 00:00:28,693
How's that tax report
coming, Marv?
11
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,427
At your age,
erectile dysfunction
12
00:00:30,429 --> 00:00:32,563
is nothing to be
ashamed of, Marv.
13
00:00:34,032 --> 00:00:36,100
It was a beautiful moment.
14
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,452
But then a thought popped
into my head, kids.
15
00:00:38,454 --> 00:00:40,404
The same thought that will pop
into your heads
16
00:00:40,406 --> 00:00:43,457
the first time you see your
best friend holding their baby.
17
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,461
Wonder how much this would hurt.
18
00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:53,934
That guy's a dad.
19
00:00:56,889 --> 00:00:58,923
Oh, I think he's hungry.
20
00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:01,175
Oh, we'll give
you some privacy.
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00:01:02,838 --> 00:01:05,542
Wow. Seeing them in there
all together like that,
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00:01:05,563 --> 00:01:07,480
they're a family, you know?
23
00:01:07,748 --> 00:01:09,115
That's what I want.
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00:01:09,161 --> 00:01:11,995
Oh, Ted, I'm glad
we're friends again.
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00:01:12,013 --> 00:01:13,096
Me, too.
26
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:15,780
Because as your friend,
I have to tell you:
27
00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:16,972
You're full of crap!
28
00:01:17,590 --> 00:01:19,005
You say you want a family,
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00:01:19,034 --> 00:01:21,177
you say
you want to meet "The One,"
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00:01:21,216 --> 00:01:23,985
but you are always chasing
the wrong women.
31
00:01:24,014 --> 00:01:25,014
That is not true.
32
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,893
Look at the women you date,
starting with me:
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00:01:26,924 --> 00:01:29,992
I told you right away
I didn't want marriage or kids.
34
00:01:30,037 --> 00:01:33,655
Stella had a child with another
man who she still loved.
35
00:01:33,657 --> 00:01:37,342
Zoey was married and trying
to sabotage your career
36
00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:39,578
and wore a lot of stupid hats.
37
00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:42,443
Hats were in that year, kind of.
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Name one exception.
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Victoria.
40
00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,349
Victoria was great.
41
00:01:48,368 --> 00:01:50,400
Exactly,
and you threw it all away
42
00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:52,698
to chase after some hot piece
of ass.
43
00:01:52,802 --> 00:01:55,269
- You mean you?
- Thank you!
44
00:01:55,271 --> 00:01:58,439
Victoria is the only
woman you've dated
45
00:01:58,441 --> 00:01:59,840
who could've been "The One."
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00:01:59,842 --> 00:02:01,108
You should call her.
47
00:02:01,110 --> 00:02:04,133
Tiny thing, last time I saw her,
she was getting engaged.
48
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,710
That was eight months ago.
49
00:02:05,748 --> 00:02:07,131
For all you know,
she's single again.
50
00:02:07,157 --> 00:02:08,002
What if she's married?
51
00:02:08,033 --> 00:02:09,065
What if she's not?
52
00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:10,348
Then you would actually
have a chance
53
00:02:10,372 --> 00:02:13,483
to get what you say you want,
and it terrifies you.
54
00:02:15,255 --> 00:02:16,362
Whoa.
55
00:02:16,395 --> 00:02:18,090
What's wrong?
56
00:02:18,145 --> 00:02:19,961
I ruined things with Quinn.
57
00:02:19,963 --> 00:02:21,980
I insisted she stop stripping,
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00:02:21,982 --> 00:02:23,412
we got in a huge fight about it,
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00:02:23,418 --> 00:02:26,636
then I ran off to Atlantic City
for two days without calling.
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00:02:27,154 --> 00:02:29,771
What the hell
am I coming home to?
61
00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:35,638
Let's have an eight-way with
my six hottest stripper friends.
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00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:38,262
Um, how is that a punishment?
63
00:02:38,282 --> 00:02:39,482
Wait for it.
64
00:02:39,521 --> 00:02:40,922
But I forbid you from filming it
65
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,051
with your overhead camera
66
00:02:42,064 --> 00:02:44,198
that zooms in
on whoever's being the loudest.
67
00:02:45,538 --> 00:02:49,625
Nooooo!
68
00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:51,960
No, that's too cruel.
69
00:02:53,195 --> 00:02:56,660
Or, you know,
maybe Quinn's moved out.
70
00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:59,635
I didn't even think of that!
71
00:03:04,838 --> 00:03:06,189
Hi.
72
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:08,954
Welcome home.
73
00:03:09,269 --> 00:03:12,730
I decided the place was a bit
too "American Psycho" for me,
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00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:15,387
so while you were gone,
I hired a decorator
75
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:16,527
and I asked him,
76
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:17,810
"What would the inside
77
00:03:17,836 --> 00:03:19,997
of Tinkerbell's vagina
look like?"
78
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:22,333
And the kid just ran with it!
79
00:03:23,821 --> 00:03:26,323
So... what do you think?
80
00:03:27,623 --> 00:03:31,291
Thank God you're still here!
81
00:03:33,227 --> 00:03:35,412
Welcome home.
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00:03:51,818 --> 00:03:54,220
Lily and Marshall asked Robin
to be the photographer
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00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:56,728
for Baby Marvin's
Birth Announcement card
84
00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:58,561
instead of me.
85
00:03:58,594 --> 00:03:59,593
Whatever.
86
00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:00,983
The only problem?
87
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:09,365
Okay. How about this?
88
00:04:09,407 --> 00:04:11,908
Tomorrow, we go
to Central Park at sunset
89
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:14,827
and we get the perfect picture
in the perfect setting.
90
00:04:14,829 --> 00:04:16,329
Oh, I like that.
91
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:19,198
It'll be Marvin's first
outing into the world.
92
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,867
You're gonna love
the park, buddy.
93
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:22,919
It's a great place
to meet chicks.
94
00:04:22,921 --> 00:04:25,204
Or-or dudes.
95
00:04:25,206 --> 00:04:26,456
Or both.
96
00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:28,841
Oh, we love you no matter what!
97
00:04:28,843 --> 00:04:32,445
And kids, as I watched your
Aunt Lily hold her baby boy,
98
00:04:32,447 --> 00:04:34,480
another thought
popped into my head.
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00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,883
Even though you
didn't buy anything,
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00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:39,302
I want to thank you
for coming in.
101
00:04:39,304 --> 00:04:40,603
Here's a free teddy bear.
102
00:04:40,605 --> 00:04:42,672
What are you gonna
name the little guy?
103
00:04:43,806 --> 00:04:46,292
Six Pack.
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00:04:48,395 --> 00:04:50,313
Gun it, bitches!
105
00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:53,066
That girl's a mom!
106
00:05:00,095 --> 00:05:03,134
Okay, so I met this girl
on the train,
107
00:05:03,176 --> 00:05:04,739
and I texted her, "What's up"
108
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:07,470
She texted,
"Hey," exclamation point.
109
00:05:07,492 --> 00:05:10,305
Does that mean,
"Ask me out" or "Just..."
110
00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:14,775
Ted, we are responsible for
a whole other human life now,
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00:05:15,027 --> 00:05:19,590
so new rule: You can't come
to us with any issue unless
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00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:21,009
it's an "8" or higher.
113
00:05:21,033 --> 00:05:22,366
Got it.
114
00:05:22,977 --> 00:05:25,243
So I'm thinking of texting
back a winky smiley face.
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00:05:25,274 --> 00:05:26,881
Eight or higher, bro.
116
00:05:26,913 --> 00:05:27,912
Well, no, what should I--
117
00:05:27,946 --> 00:05:29,196
Eight or higher, bro.
118
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,569
No, yeah,
I'm just wondering if--
119
00:05:30,585 --> 00:05:32,335
Eight or higher, bro.
120
00:05:32,337 --> 00:05:34,254
Well, where do you rate this?
121
00:05:34,256 --> 00:05:37,674
This is the same as what's in
little Marvin's pants right now:
122
00:05:38,168 --> 00:05:39,984
A soft two.
123
00:05:42,225 --> 00:05:43,515
Sorry, bro.
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00:05:43,614 --> 00:05:47,302
Stop texting the bimbo
and call Victoria.
125
00:05:47,369 --> 00:05:48,685
That chapter's over.
126
00:05:48,687 --> 00:05:50,553
W-We just weren't destined
to be together.
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00:05:50,555 --> 00:05:56,119
"Destined." Aren't you tired
of waiting for destiny, Ted?
128
00:05:56,244 --> 00:05:59,228
Isn't it time
to make your own destiny?
129
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,066
Hey, false alarm.
130
00:06:02,339 --> 00:06:04,516
What I was smelling was
the previous poop,
131
00:06:04,557 --> 00:06:07,393
which, apparently, is
still somewhere on my
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00:06:07,412 --> 00:06:09,988
clothes and/or in my hair.
133
00:06:10,265 --> 00:06:12,533
- Hold him, would you?
- Oh.
134
00:06:15,198 --> 00:06:16,949
- Ooh.
- Yeah, smart.
135
00:06:19,781 --> 00:06:23,218
Oh, sure, that one
turns out great. Ugh.
136
00:06:24,111 --> 00:06:26,962
- And then another thought popped-
137
00:06:27,222 --> 00:06:30,456
That guy's nowhere
near being a dad.
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00:06:35,484 --> 00:06:36,817
Hello?
139
00:06:36,935 --> 00:06:39,666
Hey, Victoria, it's Ted.
140
00:06:39,694 --> 00:06:41,610
Um, listen, I was just wondering
141
00:06:42,018 --> 00:06:45,253
if you wanted to catch up
sometime; it's been a while.
142
00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:46,601
That sounds nice.
143
00:06:47,384 --> 00:06:49,728
I'm actually around
this afternoon.
144
00:06:49,911 --> 00:06:51,981
Oh, wow, uh, great.
145
00:06:52,039 --> 00:06:53,634
MacLaren's at 2:00?
146
00:06:53,668 --> 00:06:55,468
Is 1:30 okay?
147
00:06:55,470 --> 00:06:57,343
I might have a thing later.
148
00:06:57,455 --> 00:06:59,392
Yeah. Yeah. See you then.
149
00:06:59,457 --> 00:07:00,974
See you then.
150
00:07:01,734 --> 00:07:04,307
Meanwhile, Barney
and Quinn were off to Hawaii
151
00:07:04,321 --> 00:07:06,141
for their first getaway
as a couple.
152
00:07:06,198 --> 00:07:08,095
Ma'am, I need you
to open your suitcase.
153
00:07:08,183 --> 00:07:09,582
It's mine.
154
00:07:09,584 --> 00:07:11,851
Did you have
to replace my luggage, too?
155
00:07:11,853 --> 00:07:15,154
Run away on me again, you'll
be wearing hot pink stilettos.
156
00:07:15,156 --> 00:07:17,607
What's that?
157
00:07:17,609 --> 00:07:18,658
Yeah, what is that?
158
00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:20,493
It's a magic trick.
159
00:07:20,495 --> 00:07:23,145
You see, I'm something
of a magician.
160
00:07:23,147 --> 00:07:24,146
Open the box, sir.
161
00:07:24,148 --> 00:07:26,532
Oh, I can't do that.
162
00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:30,470
Sir, are there drugs
in that box?
163
00:07:30,472 --> 00:07:32,622
Oh, no. He's probably
just barking
164
00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:33,923
because of the explosives.
165
00:07:33,925 --> 00:07:36,259
Oh, my God!
166
00:07:36,261 --> 00:07:38,394
Tell us what's
in the box right now!
167
00:07:38,396 --> 00:07:39,712
I can't.
168
00:07:39,714 --> 00:07:42,115
Magician's Code.
169
00:07:43,384 --> 00:07:46,656
Okay, I need to figure out
if Victoria ever got engaged.
170
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:50,632
I'll have to very subtly
check for an engagement ring.
171
00:07:53,152 --> 00:07:56,288
Hmm, can't see the left hand.
172
00:08:01,004 --> 00:08:02,466
Open the box now!
173
00:08:02,918 --> 00:08:04,303
I can't.
174
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:05,786
Magician's Code.
175
00:08:06,273 --> 00:08:08,251
What the hell is
the Magician's Code?!
176
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,064
"A magician never
reveals his tricks."
177
00:08:11,104 --> 00:08:12,846
Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor
178
00:08:12,869 --> 00:08:15,704
from the hallowed
Staten Island Mall Magic Shop,
179
00:08:15,837 --> 00:08:17,798
taught me the importance
of the Code
180
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,672
one fateful autumn
night in 1993.
181
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,830
Hello? Mr. Flanagan.
182
00:08:25,027 --> 00:08:27,203
Wh-What are you doing here?
183
00:08:27,254 --> 00:08:30,456
Um...
I'm checking up on you.
184
00:08:30,489 --> 00:08:33,606
Just to make sure
you're practicing your craft
185
00:08:33,636 --> 00:08:34,885
or whatever.
186
00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:37,585
That is an honor, sir.
187
00:08:37,623 --> 00:08:40,257
And yeah, I promise,
I'm practicing.
188
00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:41,883
But wait.
189
00:08:41,885 --> 00:08:44,019
Why were you, why were you
going in my mom's room?
190
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:46,771
Uh... your mom's actually
helping me with a new trick.
191
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:48,560
That is so cool!
192
00:08:48,764 --> 00:08:49,869
What is this trick?
193
00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:51,452
Is it sawing a lady in half?
194
00:08:52,672 --> 00:08:54,272
Well, not sawing.
195
00:08:54,314 --> 00:08:55,165
But actually,
196
00:08:55,188 --> 00:08:56,696
the Magician's Code forbids me
197
00:08:56,738 --> 00:08:59,251
from telling you anything else
about the trick.
198
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:01,789
Wayne, come back to bed!
199
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,707
Okay, it involves a bed.
200
00:09:04,770 --> 00:09:06,762
W-W-Wait. Can
you at least
201
00:09:06,791 --> 00:09:08,424
tell me the name of this trick?
202
00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:10,661
Sure, kid.
203
00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,182
It's called--
204
00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:14,318
The Disappearing Salami.
205
00:09:15,336 --> 00:09:17,421
Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him
206
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:20,324
before he could ever tell me
what the trick was.
207
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,746
Yeah, that guy was
banging your mom.
208
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:22,643
Yup.
209
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:23,777
Totally.
210
00:09:23,779 --> 00:09:25,863
Mr. Flanagan was not ban--
211
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:27,865
Oh, my God, he was.
212
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:31,201
Wait, why are you bringing
a magic trick to Hawaii anyway?
213
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:34,655
I was hoping to shoot up
to Honolulu
214
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,624
for the Worldwide
Magic Convention.
215
00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:38,525
Don't worry. You'll
notice I was gone.
216
00:09:38,527 --> 00:09:40,527
It's only three
14-hour days.
217
00:09:40,529 --> 00:09:42,212
So on our romantic getaway
218
00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:44,965
to help me forget about
you skipping town on me,
219
00:09:44,967 --> 00:09:46,667
you're skipping town on me?!
220
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:50,619
Look Quinn, you're
very important to me,
221
00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:55,299
but you're sharing my heart
with an equally important Miss.
222
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:59,313
Miss...
223
00:09:59,315 --> 00:10:01,315
Direction.
224
00:10:01,871 --> 00:10:03,037
What?
225
00:10:03,652 --> 00:10:04,652
H...
226
00:10:04,654 --> 00:10:06,403
Shoot him.
227
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:09,056
So what did you order?
228
00:10:09,058 --> 00:10:11,442
Oh, just black coffee.
229
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,660
I like it that way, too.
230
00:10:12,662 --> 00:10:14,244
Yeah, it just tastes
better to me.
231
00:10:14,246 --> 00:10:16,030
I find that if the coffee beans
are good enough,
232
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,732
you really don't need--
Why are you in a wedding dress?!
233
00:10:18,734 --> 00:10:22,235
Well, I'm sort of supposed to...
234
00:10:22,237 --> 00:10:24,955
get married today.
235
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,573
All your friends and family
are waiting for you
236
00:10:26,575 --> 00:10:27,758
in some church right now?
237
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,462
Well, not all; we had
five last-minute no-shows.
238
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,913
Well... six.
239
00:10:33,905 --> 00:10:35,697
Mazel tov, Ted.
240
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,218
I was starting to think
this would never happen.
241
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,303
Oh, no, Mrs. Matsen--
242
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,221
I told you he wasn't gay.
243
00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,923
Wait, what?
244
00:10:42,950 --> 00:10:45,067
I was tempted to leave Klaus
for you last fall.
245
00:10:46,194 --> 00:10:48,820
The only thing holding me back
was the Robin of it all.
246
00:10:48,852 --> 00:10:51,681
I know, and you were right,
but... but that's all over now.
247
00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:55,212
She moved out-- I mean, we're
still friends, but that's over.
248
00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:59,660
All these years, I never stopped
thinking about you, Ted.
249
00:11:00,382 --> 00:11:02,300
I've got a car outside
250
00:11:02,359 --> 00:11:05,994
if you're ready to drive off
into the sunset together.
251
00:11:07,737 --> 00:11:10,457
But if you don't feel
the same way,
252
00:11:10,543 --> 00:11:13,324
if you've closed the door on us,
253
00:11:13,417 --> 00:11:15,134
just say the word...
254
00:11:15,355 --> 00:11:16,904
and I'll go.
255
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,634
Barney, tell them the trick.
256
00:11:19,636 --> 00:11:22,270
The only person I could possibly
reveal the trick to
257
00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:23,304
is another magician.
258
00:11:24,368 --> 00:11:26,751
Well, I'm a magician.
259
00:11:27,515 --> 00:11:29,281
Prove it.
260
00:11:35,016 --> 00:11:36,067
Whoo-hoo!
261
00:11:45,577 --> 00:11:46,878
That's Barney's version.
262
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,880
Quinn said it was
a simple card trick.
263
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:51,549
Who's to say which
version was true?
264
00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:53,384
Quinn's.
Quinn's version was true.
265
00:11:55,237 --> 00:11:56,554
Okay.
266
00:11:56,556 --> 00:11:58,756
I'll tell you.
267
00:12:01,396 --> 00:12:04,131
Oh, that's really cool.
268
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,204
So what's the trick?
269
00:12:06,246 --> 00:12:08,296
I can't say.
Magician's Code.
270
00:12:09,217 --> 00:12:11,218
Ta-da...
271
00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:13,521
da-da-da-da-da-da.
272
00:12:15,441 --> 00:12:16,441
Hello.
273
00:12:16,826 --> 00:12:19,093
Why did you make me
call Victoria?
274
00:12:19,162 --> 00:12:20,745
She's here in a wedding dress.
275
00:12:20,747 --> 00:12:23,080
I'm the verge of
ruining a wedding!
276
00:12:23,082 --> 00:12:24,449
And Mrs. Madsen's friend
thinks I'm gay,
277
00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:26,033
but let's put a pin
in that till later.
278
00:12:26,035 --> 00:12:28,202
Oh, my God.
Victoria's at the bar with Ted.
279
00:12:28,204 --> 00:12:29,704
That's a seven.
280
00:12:29,706 --> 00:12:31,339
And she's in a wedding dress.
281
00:12:32,207 --> 00:12:33,257
That's a ten.
282
00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:35,777
We got a ten!
283
00:12:36,578 --> 00:12:38,746
What are you gonna do?
Where is she right now?
284
00:12:38,748 --> 00:12:40,214
So this dress, what's the cut?
285
00:12:40,216 --> 00:12:42,300
Are we talking princess,
ball gown, column?
286
00:12:42,302 --> 00:12:45,803
Right, 'cause it's a federal
crime to love weddings.
287
00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:47,305
She's in the bathroom,
which I guess
288
00:12:47,307 --> 00:12:50,024
takes forever with that
giant poufy skirt thing.
289
00:12:50,026 --> 00:12:52,276
Ball gown. Thank you.
290
00:12:52,278 --> 00:12:53,361
Four shots of tequila.
291
00:12:53,363 --> 00:12:54,779
Ted, calm down.
292
00:12:54,781 --> 00:12:56,697
Or not. This is your chance
to get the one who got away.
293
00:12:56,699 --> 00:12:58,232
You want her, she wants you,
294
00:12:58,234 --> 00:12:59,617
what's the problem?
295
00:12:59,619 --> 00:13:02,203
The problem is Victoria's in
the middle of a giant freak-out.
296
00:13:02,205 --> 00:13:04,271
What if she winds up
regretting this decision?
297
00:13:04,273 --> 00:13:06,290
She's going after Ted Mosby.
298
00:13:06,292 --> 00:13:08,476
That's the best decision
she's ever made.
299
00:13:08,478 --> 00:13:10,294
There you go.
300
00:13:15,534 --> 00:13:17,440
- Whoa. What was that?
- What?
301
00:13:17,487 --> 00:13:20,488
You said you wanted a picture
of Baby Marvin's first outing.
302
00:13:21,846 --> 00:13:23,511
Our baby's first outing
303
00:13:23,538 --> 00:13:24,771
was to a bar.
304
00:13:25,842 --> 00:13:28,543
I dribble Cuervo
on Marv's soft spot.
305
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:29,360
Here she comes! Quick!
306
00:13:29,362 --> 00:13:30,761
Oh, yeah.
307
00:13:30,763 --> 00:13:32,095
Eggshell or cream?
308
00:13:32,097 --> 00:13:34,281
Is it eggshell or cream?
309
00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:36,734
So.
310
00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:40,321
You... me...
riding off into the sunset.
311
00:13:40,323 --> 00:13:42,105
Any thoughts?
312
00:13:43,486 --> 00:13:44,937
One question:
313
00:13:45,293 --> 00:13:46,627
FDR or Westside Highway,
314
00:13:46,629 --> 00:13:48,379
what's the quickest
way to the sunset?
315
00:13:53,879 --> 00:13:56,507
I need to ask you both
a few questions.
316
00:13:56,527 --> 00:13:57,759
Let's start with you.
317
00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:58,802
Name?
318
00:13:58,826 --> 00:13:59,950
Quinn Garvey.
319
00:13:59,970 --> 00:14:01,053
Occupation?
320
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:02,013
Unemployed.
321
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,353
Well, well, well.
322
00:14:03,368 --> 00:14:05,092
Look who's keeping secrets now.
323
00:14:05,129 --> 00:14:07,579
Sir, I'll tell you her
stripper.
324
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,246
She insists she's proud of it,
325
00:14:09,279 --> 00:14:11,763
but apparently not
proud enough to tell you.
326
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,297
Barney, I was going to surprise
you with this on our trip,
327
00:14:15,377 --> 00:14:17,894
but... I quit.
328
00:14:19,468 --> 00:14:21,736
You... did that for me?
329
00:14:21,738 --> 00:14:23,221
Yes.
330
00:14:23,223 --> 00:14:25,903
And now that you know
what I did for you,
331
00:14:25,992 --> 00:14:28,125
and how much I care for you,
332
00:14:28,189 --> 00:14:31,023
would you please
show him the trick?
333
00:14:35,866 --> 00:14:39,152
Sorry. Magician's Code.
334
00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:44,518
Where should we go?
335
00:14:44,853 --> 00:14:46,143
Your place?
336
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:47,208
My place?
337
00:14:47,256 --> 00:14:48,456
We could go on my honeymoon.
338
00:14:49,999 --> 00:14:50,998
Just kidding.
339
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,084
Although, it is paid for.
340
00:14:54,887 --> 00:14:56,854
- I know where we should go.
- Where?
341
00:14:57,098 --> 00:14:58,882
Your wedding.
342
00:14:58,938 --> 00:15:00,929
I'm taking you back.
343
00:15:07,669 --> 00:15:09,752
I don't understand.
344
00:15:09,807 --> 00:15:11,106
I thought you wanted this.
345
00:15:11,123 --> 00:15:12,948
I do want this.
346
00:15:13,343 --> 00:15:15,815
I've thought about you
so many times.
347
00:15:15,939 --> 00:15:17,846
What might have been...
348
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,317
But I got left at the altar,
and it nearly killed me.
349
00:15:22,374 --> 00:15:23,708
You're someone's fiancé,
350
00:15:23,725 --> 00:15:25,558
and I have to respect that.
351
00:15:26,587 --> 00:15:28,339
So let's hit a motel,
jam in a quickie,
352
00:15:28,355 --> 00:15:29,431
and get you back
to your wedding.
353
00:15:30,854 --> 00:15:33,070
It's the right thing to do.
354
00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:35,813
Some part of me
needed to hear you say
355
00:15:35,838 --> 00:15:37,738
that running away together
wasn't an option.
356
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,000
And now that I know that...
357
00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:42,880
it's like I'm sobering up.
358
00:15:45,408 --> 00:15:46,525
Is there any way
359
00:15:46,527 --> 00:15:49,077
that we can just pretend
this never happened?
360
00:15:51,139 --> 00:15:52,606
This never happened.
361
00:15:57,616 --> 00:16:00,402
Mr. Flanagan wasn't
banging my mom.
362
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,256
Well.
363
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:05,098
Your flight left.
364
00:16:05,295 --> 00:16:09,126
We need to hold Mr. Stinson
for further questioning.
365
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:10,742
But you're free to go.
366
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,606
Maybe I should.
367
00:16:16,099 --> 00:16:18,718
Wait!
368
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:20,642
I'll show you the trick.
369
00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:27,456
Sir!
370
00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:29,150
May I please have
the silk handkerchief
371
00:16:29,152 --> 00:16:30,485
in your top left breast pocket?
372
00:16:30,487 --> 00:16:32,654
Well... I don't have...
373
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:49,370
Sim salabi ma...
sim salabi ma...
374
00:16:52,142 --> 00:16:53,642
Relax, relax,
it's part of the trick.
375
00:16:53,644 --> 00:16:55,393
How did you get that
through the X-Ray machine?
376
00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:57,178
No questions from
the audience, please!
377
00:17:11,027 --> 00:17:11,993
What is that?
378
00:17:11,995 --> 00:17:13,161
Madam, may I please have
379
00:17:13,163 --> 00:17:15,063
the key on your necklace?
380
00:17:15,831 --> 00:17:16,831
Oh!
381
00:17:24,124 --> 00:17:25,540
Is that gonna explode?
382
00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:26,908
What?
383
00:17:30,931 --> 00:17:32,464
Ahem.
384
00:17:34,685 --> 00:17:36,968
What?
385
00:18:01,572 --> 00:18:03,973
Will you marry me?
386
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:07,051
Yes.
387
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,123
Come on, guys.
388
00:18:14,182 --> 00:18:17,432
We're losing the light
for Baby's Second First Outing.
389
00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:29,622
I hate to say it,
but Robin nailed it.
390
00:18:33,142 --> 00:18:35,476
- Hey.
- Guys, we've got something to tell you.
391
00:18:35,478 --> 00:18:37,195
Eight or higher, bro.
392
00:18:37,197 --> 00:18:38,697
We're engaged.
393
00:18:38,699 --> 00:18:41,449
That's a... that's a ten.
394
00:18:41,451 --> 00:18:43,451
We got another ten!
395
00:18:43,453 --> 00:18:45,120
- Oh...
- Wow, big day!
396
00:18:45,122 --> 00:18:47,539
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
397
00:18:47,541 --> 00:18:49,323
How did this happen?
398
00:18:49,817 --> 00:18:52,035
Oh... magic.
399
00:18:52,828 --> 00:18:54,045
Oh.
400
00:18:54,047 --> 00:18:55,430
Uh, not to ruin the moment,
401
00:18:55,432 --> 00:18:58,717
but apparently little Marvin
is quite stunned by the news.
402
00:18:58,719 --> 00:19:01,186
Well...
403
00:19:01,188 --> 00:19:02,520
- Yeah. Wow.
- Yeah.
404
00:19:02,522 --> 00:19:04,689
Do you guys mind
recounting this romantic tale
405
00:19:04,691 --> 00:19:06,107
next to a Diaper Genie?
406
00:19:06,109 --> 00:19:11,179
Oh, Marvin, you're about to
hear your first love story!
407
00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:12,513
Once up on a time,
408
00:19:12,515 --> 00:19:15,734
this creepy magic dude
was boning Barney's mom...
409
00:19:21,407 --> 00:19:23,074
It's our last chance
to run away together.
410
00:19:23,076 --> 00:19:24,125
Door's right there.
411
00:19:24,127 --> 00:19:25,744
Yes, we'll start a new life.
412
00:19:25,746 --> 00:19:27,212
- Head for the border!
- Canada!
413
00:19:27,214 --> 00:19:29,164
Eh, Mexico.
Canada sucks.
414
00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:30,965
Okay, well,
you're one-quarter Canadian,
415
00:19:30,967 --> 00:19:32,801
so by that logic
you one-quarter suck.
416
00:19:32,803 --> 00:19:34,169
I'm 100% awesome
417
00:19:34,171 --> 00:19:35,670
and you know it.
418
00:19:36,694 --> 00:19:38,295
Yeah, I do.
419
00:19:42,062 --> 00:19:45,647
Look, I-I hope this isn't weird,
or anything, because...
420
00:19:45,649 --> 00:19:47,515
Barney...
421
00:19:47,517 --> 00:19:50,018
I'm... I'm really happy for you.
422
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:51,853
Really?
423
00:19:51,855 --> 00:19:53,521
♪ I listen to the wind ♪
424
00:19:53,523 --> 00:19:54,406
Really.
425
00:19:54,408 --> 00:19:57,058
♪ To the wind of my soul ♪
426
00:19:58,911 --> 00:20:00,394
♪ Where I'll end up
well I think ♪
427
00:20:00,396 --> 00:20:04,299
♪ Only God really knows ♪
428
00:20:06,419 --> 00:20:09,454
♪ I've sat upon ♪
429
00:20:09,456 --> 00:20:10,955
♪ The setting sun ♪
430
00:20:10,957 --> 00:20:13,758
♪ But never never never... ♪
431
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,927
You just drove
right by the church.
432
00:20:15,929 --> 00:20:17,745
I know.
433
00:20:17,747 --> 00:20:20,748
♪ I never wanted water once ♪
434
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:24,018
♪ No, never, never, never ♪
435
00:20:31,527 --> 00:20:33,478
♪ I listen to my words ♪
436
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,014
♪ But they fall far below ♪
437
00:20:36,657 --> 00:20:38,196
The road to this day has had
438
00:20:38,218 --> 00:20:40,063
a few twists and
turns, hasn't it?
439
00:20:40,103 --> 00:20:42,036
Yeah. Just a few.
440
00:20:42,038 --> 00:20:43,382
♪ My heart wants to go ♪
441
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:46,000
In a weird way, it all makes
sense, though, doesn't it?
442
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,050
Yeah.
443
00:20:48,101 --> 00:20:49,384
Yeah, it kind of does.
444
00:20:49,496 --> 00:20:52,280
♪ ...the devil's lake ♪
445
00:20:52,282 --> 00:20:54,466
♪ But never never ♪
446
00:20:54,468 --> 00:20:56,334
♪ Never never ♪
447
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,394
The bride wants to see me?
448
00:20:58,454 --> 00:21:00,421
♪ No, never, never, never. ♪