1 00:00:01,463 --> 00:00:05,276 Kids, the summer of 2012 was the Summer of Love. 2 00:00:05,346 --> 00:00:07,034 Barney and Quinn, 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,164 me and Victoria, 4 00:00:09,661 --> 00:00:11,718 Robin and Nick, 5 00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:14,303 Lily, Marshall and Marvin. 6 00:00:14,678 --> 00:00:16,695 Everyone was happy as can be. 7 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,195 Which means there are absolutely no good stories. 8 00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,352 Let's skip ahead... 9 00:00:24,088 --> 00:00:26,005 to October 2012, 10 00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:27,257 the official kick-off 11 00:00:27,285 --> 00:00:28,863 of what came to be known as 12 00:00:28,927 --> 00:00:30,927 the Autumn of Breakups. 13 00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:33,773 It all started when Barney got a little friendly advice 14 00:00:33,796 --> 00:00:35,095 from a coworker. 15 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:36,934 Get a prenup, or I'll neuter you 16 00:00:36,947 --> 00:00:38,713 before she ever has a chance! 17 00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:41,486 First of all, if you have an onion bagel, 18 00:00:41,514 --> 00:00:43,798 you don't need scallion cream cheese. 19 00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:48,430 Secondly, Quinn is a great girl. 20 00:00:48,446 --> 00:00:49,572 I trust her. 21 00:00:49,602 --> 00:00:51,435 Oh, Darlene was a great girl. 22 00:00:51,456 --> 00:00:52,564 I trusted her. 23 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,422 And then she took everything! 24 00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:56,860 My house, my car... 25 00:00:56,955 --> 00:00:58,288 my dog Tugboat. 26 00:00:59,221 --> 00:01:01,478 I even lost out with the kids. 27 00:01:01,548 --> 00:01:02,779 Full custody! 28 00:01:02,804 --> 00:01:04,971 I got full custody of those kids! 29 00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:07,444 Your kids are horrible. 30 00:01:07,469 --> 00:01:08,477 The worst. 31 00:01:08,508 --> 00:01:12,048 Barney, I watched as Darlene cut everything good out of my life 32 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:14,945 like a deranged surgeon hacking out organs, 33 00:01:14,976 --> 00:01:17,151 and that's not a metaphor. 34 00:01:17,179 --> 00:01:19,196 She got one of my kidneys. 35 00:01:21,126 --> 00:01:23,042 That's her ringtone. 36 00:01:23,724 --> 00:01:27,059 I have nothing left to give you, Darlene! 37 00:01:27,083 --> 00:01:35,083 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 38 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,414 You won't believe what Barney did today. 39 00:01:44,434 --> 00:01:47,034 You won't believe what Quinn did today. 40 00:01:47,361 --> 00:01:48,820 Hey, you ready for lunch? 41 00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:55,169 You better enjoy signing your name "Quinn Garvey" 42 00:01:55,192 --> 00:01:56,967 while you still can, right? 43 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,590 Like, I don't know... 44 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:02,745 here, here, here, initial here... 45 00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:03,902 What is this? 46 00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:06,370 Oh, this is our prenup. 47 00:02:06,508 --> 00:02:08,395 Black or blue? Totally up to you. 48 00:02:08,438 --> 00:02:10,572 Um, can I read it first? 49 00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:12,049 Can you believe that? 50 00:02:12,077 --> 00:02:13,976 He wants me to sign a prenup! 51 00:02:14,012 --> 00:02:15,207 Can you believe that? 52 00:02:15,232 --> 00:02:18,067 She wants to read it first! 53 00:02:18,314 --> 00:02:19,346 Just go ahead and sign. 54 00:02:19,410 --> 00:02:20,993 It's all pretty standard. 55 00:02:22,169 --> 00:02:23,508 "In the event of divorce, 56 00:02:23,537 --> 00:02:26,158 "Mr. Stinson is granted weekly visitation rights 57 00:02:26,183 --> 00:02:28,417 to Ann, Sarah and Molly". 58 00:02:29,241 --> 00:02:31,174 You named our future kids? 59 00:02:31,363 --> 00:02:32,946 That's actually pretty sweet. 60 00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:36,650 Those are Mr. Stinson's names for your lady parts. 61 00:02:37,196 --> 00:02:38,563 It's important for the girls 62 00:02:38,577 --> 00:02:40,944 to maintain a relationship with their daddy. 63 00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:44,887 You named her lady parts? 64 00:02:45,610 --> 00:02:47,315 Everyone does that. 65 00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:49,296 So... Lily? 66 00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,180 Snap, Crackle, Pop. 67 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,041 Solid. Wait. 68 00:02:55,288 --> 00:02:57,788 Is this prenup in any way legit? 69 00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,259 I mean, so far, it sounds a lot like 70 00:02:59,294 --> 00:03:02,007 that bar napkin document you make one-night stands sign, 71 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,329 promising not to get clingy. 72 00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,355 The Pre-Shtup, patent pending. 73 00:03:05,376 --> 00:03:07,426 God, I come up with a lot of good stuff! 74 00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:08,848 Anyway, I realize 75 00:03:08,866 --> 00:03:11,616 these aren't just terms for divorce, so I ask... 76 00:03:11,955 --> 00:03:15,212 Are these rules for how I have to behave in our marriage? 77 00:03:15,339 --> 00:03:16,955 Rules? 78 00:03:17,319 --> 00:03:19,182 Suggestions. 79 00:03:19,438 --> 00:03:21,388 Rich people and celebrities put stuff like this 80 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,441 in their prenups all the time. 81 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:25,307 And those are the marriages that last. 82 00:03:26,571 --> 00:03:30,464 I have to pay $2,000 every time I gain a pound? 83 00:03:30,596 --> 00:03:32,880 Not every time. 84 00:03:32,909 --> 00:03:35,076 Just if it shows up at the weekly weigh-in. 85 00:03:35,923 --> 00:03:37,390 See, you can't do that. 86 00:03:37,455 --> 00:03:41,054 "Miss Garvey must invent 12 new sexual positions per year, 87 00:03:41,085 --> 00:03:42,111 "at least ten of which 88 00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:44,815 involve her doing all or most of the work". 89 00:03:44,944 --> 00:03:46,957 - You definitely can't do that. - Hm-mm. 90 00:03:46,992 --> 00:03:50,349 "Miss Garvey's breasts must be enhanced every five years 91 00:03:50,376 --> 00:03:54,332 or 50,000 honka-honkas, whichever comes first". 92 00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:56,501 - That's actually not bad. - I'll allow it. 93 00:03:57,402 --> 00:03:58,703 That's repulsive. 94 00:03:58,774 --> 00:04:00,553 Why do men think 95 00:04:00,578 --> 00:04:02,445 women like to be honka-honka'd? 96 00:04:02,511 --> 00:04:05,645 What woman wants her breasts squeezed like a seal horn? 97 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,935 Um... totally. 98 00:04:08,087 --> 00:04:11,288 Lily like-a-like-a the honka-honka. 99 00:04:13,223 --> 00:04:16,308 "All hair below the neck must be removed weekly". 100 00:04:16,472 --> 00:04:18,892 Hey, you're gonna be thanking me for that hair loss 101 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:20,823 during the weigh-in. 102 00:04:20,879 --> 00:04:22,992 "Miss Garvey's parents may stay at our place 103 00:04:23,019 --> 00:04:24,718 as long as they like". 104 00:04:24,883 --> 00:04:27,816 Well, at least that one's nice. 105 00:04:28,997 --> 00:04:32,619 "Provided they each arrive in an urn". 106 00:04:32,882 --> 00:04:35,801 "Wives two through eight will make a weekly chore wheel". 107 00:04:35,851 --> 00:04:38,186 I'm sorry, I borrowed a few sections 108 00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,697 from a prenup I did for a Saudi Arabian sultan. 109 00:04:40,729 --> 00:04:42,695 I'll cross out the extra wives stuff. 110 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:43,909 Unless... 111 00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:46,130 Cross it out. 112 00:04:46,432 --> 00:04:48,432 My God! What the hell does Barney think 113 00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:50,550 marriage is going to be like, anyway? 114 00:04:50,633 --> 00:04:53,058 Just a healthy, modern-day marriage, 115 00:04:53,090 --> 00:04:55,910 based on mutual respect between two equals. 116 00:04:56,627 --> 00:04:59,721 Ready for your wake-up lap dance, Master? 117 00:04:59,772 --> 00:05:01,077 Aren't you forgetting something? 118 00:05:02,014 --> 00:05:03,733 Oh, my God, it's 9:00 a.m. 119 00:05:03,776 --> 00:05:08,112 Legally mandated morning pillow fight time! 120 00:05:11,174 --> 00:05:13,183 Best husband ever. 121 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,161 Best husband ever. 122 00:05:15,254 --> 00:05:17,282 Best husband ever. Aw. 123 00:05:17,306 --> 00:05:18,889 Best husband e... 124 00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:21,138 Sorry, sorry, we crossed out the wives 125 00:05:21,183 --> 00:05:23,747 two through eight stuff. Unless... - Nope. 126 00:05:23,766 --> 00:05:26,937 - Okay. - Don't worry. I crossed it out. 127 00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,728 I didn't really cross it out. 128 00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:29,860 I can hear you. 129 00:05:30,181 --> 00:05:32,821 I'll cross it out. 130 00:05:33,102 --> 00:05:34,897 I didn't really cross it out. 131 00:05:35,441 --> 00:05:36,992 Hey, hey... 132 00:05:37,084 --> 00:05:38,623 Hey, guys, what's up? 133 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,520 Oh, Quinn's pissed because Barney wants her 134 00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:42,216 to sign a crazy prenup. 135 00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:43,721 But is it really crazy? 136 00:05:43,766 --> 00:05:45,582 Yes. Well, I'm new to this but guessing yes. 137 00:05:46,697 --> 00:05:47,979 Okay, look. 138 00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:49,112 Did I go... 139 00:05:49,128 --> 00:05:52,082 a speck of sand, a fairy eyelash, 140 00:05:52,106 --> 00:05:54,090 a unicorn whisper too far? 141 00:05:54,157 --> 00:05:56,060 Perhaps. 142 00:05:56,544 --> 00:05:58,679 But can you tell me there's nothing 143 00:05:58,697 --> 00:06:01,273 in any of your relationships you'd want to change? 144 00:06:01,447 --> 00:06:03,600 No behavior you'd want to outlaw? 145 00:06:03,659 --> 00:06:05,780 No terms you'd want to renegotiate? 146 00:06:05,818 --> 00:06:09,219 Look me in the eye and tell me I'm crazy. 147 00:06:09,324 --> 00:06:10,507 You're crazy. 148 00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:14,184 But a funny thing happened that night. 149 00:06:16,111 --> 00:06:18,178 Look, I'm not saying he's right, but 150 00:06:18,324 --> 00:06:20,190 Barney does have a little bit of a point. 151 00:06:20,198 --> 00:06:22,765 But on this one, he may have a point. I mean, look... 152 00:06:22,792 --> 00:06:26,123 the idea of renegotiating the terms of the relationship, 153 00:06:26,162 --> 00:06:27,418 that's valid. 154 00:06:27,705 --> 00:06:29,005 No. 155 00:06:29,034 --> 00:06:30,294 There isn't anything about you 156 00:06:30,312 --> 00:06:32,362 that I'd want to change. 157 00:06:33,011 --> 00:06:35,743 Well, okay, maybe a couple of things. 158 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,044 Like what? 159 00:06:37,734 --> 00:06:39,584 And just like that... 160 00:06:39,836 --> 00:06:42,192 one of these four couples would break up 161 00:06:42,218 --> 00:06:44,949 the very next day. 162 00:06:46,176 --> 00:06:48,343 Okay, it wasn't Lily and Marshall. 163 00:06:48,557 --> 00:06:50,910 One of these three couples would break up 164 00:06:50,937 --> 00:06:53,554 the very next day. 165 00:06:57,718 --> 00:07:00,212 - What happened? - So last night 166 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,422 Nick was all like, "Barney has a point 167 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,965 "about renegotiating the terms of the blah, blah, blah, 168 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:06,598 blah, blah, blah". - Yeah, and Marshall 169 00:07:06,617 --> 00:07:09,585 was all like, "Uh, I want to blah, of the blah, 170 00:07:09,602 --> 00:07:10,929 uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". 171 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,347 If I shut my eyes it's like they're here. 172 00:07:13,379 --> 00:07:15,141 They're just using Barney's prenup 173 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,245 as a way to complain about us. 174 00:07:17,285 --> 00:07:19,805 I'm just saying, you've forbidden certain things 175 00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,709 that I might like to revisit. 176 00:07:21,783 --> 00:07:24,852 Marshall, you're not going on a Sasquatch hunt 177 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:26,802 in Oregon with a bunch of loonies. 178 00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:28,226 Loonies? 179 00:07:28,609 --> 00:07:32,383 Those brave, bearded men and women are crypto-zoologists, 180 00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:35,521 and they deserve the respect that title commands. 181 00:07:36,017 --> 00:07:39,111 But that's not what I was thinking of. 182 00:07:40,082 --> 00:07:41,782 You're too precious with the baby. 183 00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:42,666 Okay, 184 00:07:42,694 --> 00:07:44,910 when we first came home with Marvin, 185 00:07:45,175 --> 00:07:47,037 there was a bad moment. 186 00:07:47,142 --> 00:07:49,192 Welcome home, buddy. 187 00:07:54,448 --> 00:07:55,987 Was it really that high? 188 00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:58,016 I don't know. I was hormonal. 189 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,408 And suddenly, this primal, protective mother voice 190 00:08:01,429 --> 00:08:02,728 came out of me. 191 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:05,203 Actually, it was two voices. 192 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,685 I seriously think one was coming from my vagina. 193 00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,868 Never do that again! 194 00:08:11,002 --> 00:08:14,202 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is the big deal? 195 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:16,574 My brothers and my dad used to roughhouse with me 196 00:08:16,592 --> 00:08:18,041 all the time. 197 00:08:18,156 --> 00:08:21,748 Welcome home, Marshall. 198 00:08:23,152 --> 00:08:24,084 Hi. Boys... 199 00:08:24,117 --> 00:08:26,375 go long. 200 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,876 Stop! Not in the house. 201 00:08:31,022 --> 00:08:32,571 That's how lamps break. 202 00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:35,845 Now go pass that baby around outside. 203 00:08:38,056 --> 00:08:39,801 Oh, fumble! 204 00:08:39,828 --> 00:08:42,278 And I turned out perfectly fine. 205 00:08:42,430 --> 00:08:44,397 Marshall, this morning you thought a ghost 206 00:08:44,474 --> 00:08:46,057 made your toast. 207 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,228 I didn't put the bread in. 208 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:50,020 You didn't put the bread in. 209 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:53,012 You know what? I will play with my son 210 00:08:53,026 --> 00:08:55,309 however I see fit. And you know what else? 211 00:08:56,486 --> 00:08:59,489 You can honka-honka yourself tonight. 212 00:08:59,697 --> 00:09:00,926 Barney's prenup 213 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,892 ruined my night, too. 214 00:09:03,049 --> 00:09:05,624 Okay... what behavior 215 00:09:05,643 --> 00:09:06,878 of mine don't you like? 216 00:09:06,903 --> 00:09:09,220 I'm talking about the TV thing. 217 00:09:09,236 --> 00:09:11,834 Okay, the TV thing is an argument 218 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,037 from, like, three weeks ago. 219 00:09:14,127 --> 00:09:15,526 Mmm. 220 00:09:20,575 --> 00:09:21,751 Uh... 221 00:09:21,869 --> 00:09:23,444 Oh, I'm sorry. 222 00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:25,525 Didn't realize it takes 42 inches 223 00:09:25,544 --> 00:09:26,710 to keep you satisfied. 224 00:09:26,787 --> 00:09:28,424 The TV happened to be on. 225 00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:29,730 I happened to glance at it. 226 00:09:29,764 --> 00:09:31,789 - Does that make me so weird? - No. 227 00:09:31,798 --> 00:09:35,249 - Not at all. - Thank you. 228 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,719 I may be a little weird. 229 00:09:38,848 --> 00:09:41,013 Mmm. 230 00:09:42,986 --> 00:09:44,253 Oh, yeah. 231 00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:45,791 I get... 232 00:09:45,827 --> 00:09:48,321 turned on watching myself 233 00:09:48,353 --> 00:09:51,141 do the news during sex. 234 00:09:51,913 --> 00:09:53,470 Yeah, that's a little weird. 235 00:09:53,513 --> 00:09:56,238 Look, seeing myself on TV makes me feel 236 00:09:56,252 --> 00:09:57,835 confident and sexy. 237 00:09:57,856 --> 00:10:01,078 And that is nothing to be ashamed of, right, sisters? 238 00:10:02,785 --> 00:10:04,369 - Never speak of this. - Ever. 239 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:07,070 - Yeah, of course. - Yeah. 240 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:10,025 There's more. 241 00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:14,653 Wait. 242 00:10:14,671 --> 00:10:17,498 So when you're doing the news live at 7:00, 243 00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:19,144 you wink to future you 244 00:10:19,162 --> 00:10:21,513 watching the rebroadcast at 11:00? 245 00:10:23,384 --> 00:10:25,170 Maybe. 246 00:10:25,719 --> 00:10:28,090 - Never speak of this. - Ever! 247 00:10:28,353 --> 00:10:29,804 You won't believe 248 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,446 what Ted did last night. 249 00:10:31,779 --> 00:10:34,130 You said you were happy to help him out. 250 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,069 Well, now I'm changing my mind. 251 00:10:36,131 --> 00:10:37,787 Sorry to interrupt, roomie, but I am trying 252 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,053 to make sausage. Where do you keep 253 00:10:39,084 --> 00:10:40,751 your pig intestines? 254 00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:43,319 What's your ex-fiancé doing at Ted's? 255 00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:46,619 Klaus came to me a few weeks ago. 256 00:10:46,686 --> 00:10:47,947 Since we broke up, 257 00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:50,217 he lost his job, he got evicted. 258 00:10:50,247 --> 00:10:51,656 He's miserable. 259 00:10:51,681 --> 00:10:53,363 I'm so sorry. 260 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,528 If I could just take a quick whore's bath 261 00:10:55,548 --> 00:10:58,070 in your kitchen sink, then I will skedaddle. 262 00:10:58,095 --> 00:11:00,472 Oh, Klaus, I wish that there was something 263 00:11:00,491 --> 00:11:01,741 I could do to help. 264 00:11:01,789 --> 00:11:02,620 There is, 265 00:11:02,644 --> 00:11:05,344 little lady. I've got a guest room. 266 00:11:05,552 --> 00:11:07,981 You'll stay here till you're back on your feet. 267 00:11:08,006 --> 00:11:09,372 Are you sure? 268 00:11:09,448 --> 00:11:10,831 This is your apartment. 269 00:11:10,846 --> 00:11:12,640 Shh. 270 00:11:12,985 --> 00:11:14,429 Think of this as our apartment. 271 00:11:14,459 --> 00:11:15,565 Oh... 272 00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:16,690 Hero Ted. 273 00:11:16,714 --> 00:11:17,815 He loves that move. 274 00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:20,901 Yeah, for about five minutes, then he gets hero's remorse. 275 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:23,197 Danke schon, roomie. 276 00:11:23,219 --> 00:11:24,476 I will go get my things. 277 00:11:24,501 --> 00:11:26,901 Das is super-duper-duper. 278 00:11:26,926 --> 00:11:28,476 My ferrets will be so happy. 279 00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:31,448 They have been living in an airport locker for weeks. 280 00:11:31,671 --> 00:11:32,966 Here comes papa, children. 281 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,923 I'll admit, 282 00:11:35,005 --> 00:11:36,967 there have been a few awkward moments. 283 00:11:36,999 --> 00:11:39,043 You are going to love this. 284 00:11:39,064 --> 00:11:41,567 This is the popular German situational-comedy, 285 00:11:41,626 --> 00:11:42,792 Strange Compatriots. 286 00:11:44,107 --> 00:11:45,825 Here we come. 287 00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:48,813 Ooh. Here's the thing about this show, okay? 288 00:11:48,848 --> 00:11:51,265 One of them is very neat 289 00:11:51,292 --> 00:11:55,245 und the other one is very, very neat. 290 00:11:56,651 --> 00:11:58,570 Oh, Fritz, kommen sie hier. 291 00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,423 Ah, Fritz... 292 00:12:00,481 --> 00:12:02,737 It's time to give Klaus "das boot". 293 00:12:06,189 --> 00:12:07,527 Klaus? 294 00:12:07,562 --> 00:12:10,183 Wait, can-can you hear us through the wall? 295 00:12:10,528 --> 00:12:12,061 Yes, I can hear you. 296 00:12:12,676 --> 00:12:14,826 I hear everything. 297 00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:16,471 That's it. 298 00:12:16,511 --> 00:12:18,661 Klaus, get in here! 299 00:12:19,763 --> 00:12:21,533 For God's sake. 300 00:12:21,599 --> 00:12:23,518 I want you out of my apartment. 301 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:27,979 You, those ferrets and all five newborns. 302 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,539 Six and counting. 303 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:30,834 Mama is still going. 304 00:12:30,864 --> 00:12:33,227 It is like a clown car. 305 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,954 Suddenly, it wasn't our apartment anymore. 306 00:12:35,971 --> 00:12:37,949 I had no say in the matter. 307 00:12:37,972 --> 00:12:39,793 These guys are unbelievable. 308 00:12:39,816 --> 00:12:41,845 You know what, I am gonna go home 309 00:12:41,859 --> 00:12:45,315 and watch the news all by myself. 310 00:12:45,338 --> 00:12:46,554 Wait. 311 00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:48,631 I have an idea. 312 00:12:50,283 --> 00:12:51,746 You know what? 313 00:12:51,809 --> 00:12:53,867 I'm on board with the whole prenup thing. 314 00:12:53,911 --> 00:12:55,060 That's great. 315 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,126 It's here to protect you, too, sweetie... 316 00:12:57,366 --> 00:13:00,498 from becoming unappealing to me. 317 00:13:00,986 --> 00:13:03,223 Actually, I made my own prenup 318 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:04,833 with a little help. 319 00:13:04,942 --> 00:13:06,391 Ladies? 320 00:13:11,843 --> 00:13:12,837 Go ahead and sign. 321 00:13:12,888 --> 00:13:14,313 It's all pretty standard. 322 00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:18,238 This might not be the best time to ask... 323 00:13:18,252 --> 00:13:20,065 I'm sort of getting back in the game. 324 00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:21,683 The redhead with the baby, 325 00:13:21,711 --> 00:13:24,362 what's her situation? 326 00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,896 "In the event of divorce, Miss Garvey shall get 327 00:13:31,922 --> 00:13:34,837 full custody of Mr. Stinson's suits"? 328 00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:36,601 Why? 329 00:13:36,638 --> 00:13:38,138 What would you do with them? 330 00:13:38,161 --> 00:13:41,513 Nothing. I'd just sit around and watch them go out of style. 331 00:13:41,732 --> 00:13:43,858 That is just sick. 332 00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:45,325 Keep reading. 333 00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,697 "Mr. Stinson is allowed to attend 334 00:13:47,715 --> 00:13:50,113 any function at the Playboy Mansion". 335 00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,523 Well, at least that's nice. 336 00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:56,284 "Provided he arrives in an urn". 337 00:13:58,666 --> 00:14:00,453 Gentlemen, just in time. 338 00:14:00,492 --> 00:14:02,011 What are you bitches doing here? 339 00:14:02,052 --> 00:14:03,598 - Lily. - Oh, he's napping. 340 00:14:03,624 --> 00:14:05,387 It's the only time I get to go blue. 341 00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:08,341 Barney texted us that you guys were ganging up on him. 342 00:14:08,527 --> 00:14:10,364 So we're just here to ensure 343 00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:12,574 he doesn't sign anything he'll regret. 344 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,233 I'm sorry, I don't think anyone here 345 00:14:14,257 --> 00:14:15,889 other than me is a lawyer. 346 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:19,284 A well-paid, successful lawyer. 347 00:14:20,309 --> 00:14:21,843 I'm a lawyer. 348 00:14:22,201 --> 00:14:23,767 Actually, we worked together for years. 349 00:14:23,792 --> 00:14:25,883 Back off, stretch, I saw her first. 350 00:14:26,650 --> 00:14:28,183 Hang on a second. 351 00:14:28,236 --> 00:14:30,218 "A half million dollar fine 352 00:14:30,247 --> 00:14:33,935 "any time Mr. Stinson can't 'rise to the occasion, ' 353 00:14:33,953 --> 00:14:36,827 cue sad slide whistle sounds"? 354 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,408 Hey, what's this about a shock collar? 355 00:14:41,444 --> 00:14:43,552 Ah, yes, we'll explain. 356 00:14:43,593 --> 00:14:45,862 Miss Garvey has many attractive friends 357 00:14:45,889 --> 00:14:47,401 who will come to visit. 358 00:14:48,037 --> 00:14:48,997 May I offer you 359 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,156 goat cheese puff pastries I made, mistress? 360 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,641 As long as you can do it quietly. 361 00:15:01,627 --> 00:15:03,116 Wait, I'm confused. 362 00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:06,136 If it's not around my neck, then where's the shock collar? 363 00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,550 Oh, God. 364 00:15:09,919 --> 00:15:12,295 Oh, God. 365 00:15:12,327 --> 00:15:14,461 It's more of a shock ring, really. 366 00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:15,980 Her idea. 367 00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:18,625 Little missy is packing a brain, too. 368 00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:20,766 Okay, you know what? 369 00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:22,273 Since we're all pitching in, 370 00:15:22,304 --> 00:15:24,081 may I suggest a provision? 371 00:15:24,355 --> 00:15:25,244 In the event 372 00:15:25,264 --> 00:15:28,710 that you have a son, Mr. Stinson is free 373 00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:31,147 to play with his child however he sees fit. 374 00:15:31,199 --> 00:15:33,232 How about forbidding your future husband 375 00:15:33,252 --> 00:15:36,158 from spiking his child into his crib? 376 00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:38,514 How about a clause protecting you from having to engage 377 00:15:38,535 --> 00:15:41,452 in a three-way with her and whatever's on basic cable? 378 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:44,779 Oh, yeah? How about forbidding... 379 00:15:45,566 --> 00:15:47,004 I got nothing. 380 00:15:47,099 --> 00:15:49,850 How about a provision barring any nudist German ex-fiancés 381 00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,956 from slapping his strudel up and down your sofa? 382 00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:53,670 How about pretending to be a hero, 383 00:15:53,692 --> 00:15:57,243 but then caving the moment a ferret bite breaks the skin? 384 00:15:57,278 --> 00:15:58,859 The skin of my eyelid. 385 00:15:58,881 --> 00:16:00,247 That's how they kiss. 386 00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:01,425 Are you serious? 387 00:16:06,761 --> 00:16:09,035 Enough! Enough! 388 00:16:09,053 --> 00:16:10,434 You all have someone who loves you, 389 00:16:10,463 --> 00:16:12,426 and you're screwing it up, and over what? 390 00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:14,197 Who has the most power? 391 00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:15,669 That's not love. 392 00:16:15,692 --> 00:16:17,868 Love is trusting someone enough 393 00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:19,881 to tell them what's really bothering you. 394 00:16:19,897 --> 00:16:21,019 So that's what we're gonna do. 395 00:16:21,056 --> 00:16:22,406 You, start. 396 00:16:25,649 --> 00:16:28,067 When you got scared about Marvin, 397 00:16:28,101 --> 00:16:30,489 it felt like you were saying that 398 00:16:30,899 --> 00:16:33,599 I'm not as good a parent as you. 399 00:16:34,378 --> 00:16:35,648 You're an amazing mom, 400 00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:39,205 and I want to live up to that. 401 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,562 Well, I probably have trust issues 402 00:16:43,574 --> 00:16:45,774 because my dad wasn't there for me. 403 00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:50,011 But I know that you'll always be there to catch Marvin. 404 00:16:50,703 --> 00:16:52,454 You, next. 405 00:16:54,661 --> 00:16:57,400 Having Klaus back in our lives 406 00:16:57,896 --> 00:17:01,781 made me scared we're never gonna escape the past. 407 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,340 I only wanted to help Klaus 408 00:17:03,380 --> 00:17:07,095 because I feel guilty about how happy I am with you. 409 00:17:08,442 --> 00:17:09,726 Next. 410 00:17:11,015 --> 00:17:13,015 I find you so sexy, 411 00:17:13,156 --> 00:17:16,762 it just hurt that you don't feel the same about me. 412 00:17:18,177 --> 00:17:22,047 I get turned on watching myself do the news during sex. 413 00:17:22,448 --> 00:17:23,914 Oh. 414 00:17:25,146 --> 00:17:26,747 Well, that's cool. 415 00:17:29,964 --> 00:17:32,204 Look at that, no legal documents needed. 416 00:17:32,229 --> 00:17:34,146 Just honesty and vulnerability. 417 00:17:34,173 --> 00:17:35,405 That's love. 418 00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:37,833 You see, I once loved someone, 419 00:17:37,935 --> 00:17:39,816 only I didn't say it enough. 420 00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:42,373 Now I wish I could say it every day. 421 00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:44,704 Hell, I don't care if it's crazy, 422 00:17:44,732 --> 00:17:46,782 I'm doing it. 423 00:17:47,452 --> 00:17:49,058 Hello, Darlene? 424 00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,776 Put Tugboat on the line. 425 00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:52,387 Hey, buddy. 426 00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:55,005 Hey, it's the man. 427 00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:57,424 And for a moment, 428 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,684 all felt right with the world. 429 00:17:59,928 --> 00:18:01,327 But that very night, 430 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:04,340 the Autumn of Breakups would claim its first victims. 431 00:18:04,573 --> 00:18:06,824 wish you a very safe and pleasant evening. 432 00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:08,536 Good night. 433 00:18:08,656 --> 00:18:10,990 Good night. 434 00:18:14,587 --> 00:18:16,213 Good night. 435 00:18:16,956 --> 00:18:18,673 Good night. 436 00:18:18,819 --> 00:18:20,000 Gute Nacht. 437 00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:21,255 And you too, my babies. 438 00:18:21,279 --> 00:18:22,924 Oh, danke for the sweet eye kisses. 439 00:18:22,951 --> 00:18:24,284 Ow. 440 00:18:24,711 --> 00:18:25,965 After you, sir. 441 00:18:25,991 --> 00:18:27,292 Ladies first. 442 00:18:27,578 --> 00:18:28,428 I insist. 443 00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:30,955 I insist. 444 00:18:31,126 --> 00:18:33,293 - I'm not throwing mine out first. - I'm not throwing mine out first. 445 00:18:33,388 --> 00:18:35,595 You've slept with half the women in New York. 446 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:36,836 I'm the one who needs a prenup. 447 00:18:36,869 --> 00:18:39,167 You duped me out of thousands of dollars. 448 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,449 I'm the one who needs a prenup. 449 00:18:40,473 --> 00:18:41,967 I just thought of some more stuff to add. 450 00:18:42,001 --> 00:18:43,538 I'm not half finished. 451 00:18:51,134 --> 00:18:53,552 Let's dive in. 452 00:18:57,749 --> 00:19:00,174 It should be simpler than this, shouldn't it? 453 00:19:00,244 --> 00:19:01,961 Yeah. 454 00:19:02,426 --> 00:19:04,701 Maybe it should be. 455 00:19:05,627 --> 00:19:07,940 Barney, do you trust me? 456 00:19:11,888 --> 00:19:14,122 No. 457 00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:16,325 Do you trust me? 458 00:19:17,964 --> 00:19:20,096 No. 459 00:19:22,468 --> 00:19:25,079 If we really need something this complicated 460 00:19:25,103 --> 00:19:27,070 to get married... 461 00:19:31,145 --> 00:19:32,949 Yeah. 462 00:19:33,456 --> 00:19:38,012 # I was anxious to be found # 463 00:19:38,526 --> 00:19:42,088 # You can always go home # 464 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,785 # To the safety of your cloud. # 465 00:19:47,025 --> 00:19:48,822 I'm sorry, buddy. 466 00:19:49,176 --> 00:19:51,395 Hey, there's always wives two through eight. 467 00:19:51,439 --> 00:19:53,677 They sounded pretty hot in your fantasy. 468 00:19:54,223 --> 00:19:55,599 All but wife seven. 469 00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:57,677 She was just there 'cause her dad was rich. 470 00:19:58,995 --> 00:20:01,541 Actually, I'm okay. 471 00:20:01,970 --> 00:20:04,544 I found out I'll never trust someone enough to get married, 472 00:20:04,584 --> 00:20:06,335 and that's fine. 473 00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:10,830 My single life is, and always will be, 474 00:20:10,885 --> 00:20:13,970 legen... wait for it... 475 00:20:15,546 --> 00:20:16,780 dary! 476 00:20:17,038 --> 00:20:20,406 My wedding is gonna be legendary. 477 00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:22,751 So, prenup? 478 00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:24,979 Not this time. 479 00:20:25,249 --> 00:20:27,217 Oh, hey you. Ready for lunch? 480 00:20:27,278 --> 00:20:28,041 Totally. 481 00:20:28,072 --> 00:20:30,095 Mmm. 482 00:20:31,351 --> 00:20:33,519 Thanks. 483 00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:35,826 See, Tugboat? 484 00:20:36,353 --> 00:20:37,665 That's love. 485 00:20:37,697 --> 00:20:39,913 Yeah. 486 00:20:44,966 --> 00:20:48,687 Okay, you see, Ludwig has started to polish the doorknobs, 487 00:20:48,774 --> 00:20:52,209 but Wilhelm has already completed this chore. 488 00:20:54,770 --> 00:20:56,503 Yeah. 489 00:20:56,998 --> 00:20:59,061 Ahh... 490 00:20:59,686 --> 00:21:00,961 You know, 491 00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:02,406 it's big comedy, 492 00:21:02,522 --> 00:21:05,492 but you also really care about these characters. 493 00:21:05,736 --> 00:21:08,163 Wilhelm!