1 00:00:01,414 --> 00:00:04,125 Kids, October of 2012 kicked off 2 00:00:04,143 --> 00:00:05,476 The Autumn of Breakups. 3 00:00:05,759 --> 00:00:08,465 And Barney, having broken his engagement with Quinn, 4 00:00:08,518 --> 00:00:11,020 was slowly trying to pick himself back up. 5 00:00:11,186 --> 00:00:14,923 Welcome to Bangtoberfest! 6 00:00:14,986 --> 00:00:17,136 Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt! 7 00:00:17,164 --> 00:00:18,463 I'm back! 8 00:00:18,541 --> 00:00:20,702 Have a Bangtoberfest T - shirt! 9 00:00:20,727 --> 00:00:22,147 I'm single again! 10 00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:24,313 Sorry about your eye! 11 00:00:24,351 --> 00:00:25,400 I'm available! 12 00:00:26,597 --> 00:00:28,135 "Bangtoberfest: 13 00:00:28,169 --> 00:00:30,675 This Time It's Really Not Personal". 14 00:00:30,711 --> 00:00:32,269 Barney, you just went through 15 00:00:32,294 --> 00:00:34,585 some really big emotional stuff. 16 00:00:34,622 --> 00:00:36,639 You need to give yourself some time to heal. 17 00:00:36,665 --> 00:00:38,941 Robin, I spent seven grand on merch. 18 00:00:39,217 --> 00:00:40,850 This is happening. 19 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,209 Hey. 20 00:00:44,225 --> 00:00:45,591 - Hey. - Hi, Marshall. 21 00:00:46,061 --> 00:00:48,278 So, Lily's dad just showed up 22 00:00:48,324 --> 00:00:50,080 two days ago unannounced. 23 00:00:50,385 --> 00:00:51,568 Remember when I bought all those 24 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,866 Mexican fireworks so I'd never 25 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,320 have to buy Christmas presents again? 26 00:00:54,347 --> 00:00:56,287 Oh, God, you blew up the house. 27 00:00:56,318 --> 00:00:58,195 Blew up the house? 28 00:00:58,237 --> 00:00:59,403 Oh, no. 29 00:00:59,430 --> 00:01:00,662 Nothing like that, no. 30 00:01:01,863 --> 00:01:03,579 No, the fireworks blew up the garage. 31 00:01:03,913 --> 00:01:05,213 The house burned down. 32 00:01:05,668 --> 00:01:07,440 Holy frijoles, do I smell brownies? 33 00:01:09,575 --> 00:01:11,408 We covered that fire on the news. 34 00:01:11,410 --> 00:01:15,379 I had no idea "naked man runs back into inferno 35 00:01:15,393 --> 00:01:17,810 to rescue potato salad" was Mickey. 36 00:01:18,608 --> 00:01:20,659 My hour's up. Your turn, Marshall. 37 00:01:20,686 --> 00:01:22,770 Oh, no. 38 00:01:22,772 --> 00:01:25,885 Baby Marvin, did you just go poo-poo? 39 00:01:25,926 --> 00:01:27,027 Craziest thing. 40 00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:29,217 He just went poo-poo this very second. 41 00:01:29,401 --> 00:01:30,917 Are you sure this 42 00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:33,445 poo-poo didn't happen on your watch 43 00:01:33,470 --> 00:01:35,176 and you just ran out the clock until it was my problem? 44 00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:37,127 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. 45 00:01:37,286 --> 00:01:40,905 What kind of mother lets her son sit in his own filth 46 00:01:40,938 --> 00:01:43,672 for an extra nine minutes and 42 seconds? 47 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,567 I got my eye on you, Aldrin. 48 00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:56,453 It's watering right now, but I got my eye on you. 49 00:01:58,106 --> 00:01:59,411 I can't believe I have to go 50 00:01:59,456 --> 00:02:02,307 back to work on Monday and we still haven't found a nanny. 51 00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:05,287 Well, if Grandpa Mickey's there, couldn't he just... 52 00:02:05,314 --> 00:02:06,730 Are you kidding? 53 00:02:06,732 --> 00:02:08,918 My dad was never there for me when I was a kid. 54 00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:10,336 And when he was... 55 00:02:12,687 --> 00:02:14,124 What's wrong, Daddy? 56 00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:17,900 Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse to save his freakin' life. 57 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:21,227 All I need is just one lucky number. 58 00:02:21,995 --> 00:02:23,661 Hey, when's your birthday? 59 00:02:24,714 --> 00:02:26,059 Today. 60 00:02:26,999 --> 00:02:28,381 Well... 61 00:02:28,436 --> 00:02:31,437 We've got to find a nanny, and my dad's definitely not it. 62 00:02:31,677 --> 00:02:34,446 Well... and this doesn't solve your nanny problem, 63 00:02:34,493 --> 00:02:36,677 but if you're in need of a babysitter, 64 00:02:36,728 --> 00:02:37,893 Nick and I could do it. 65 00:02:37,939 --> 00:02:39,808 We're really clicking as a couple. 66 00:02:39,897 --> 00:02:44,416 Um, if any couple is clicking these days, 67 00:02:44,509 --> 00:02:45,560 it's me and Victoria. 68 00:02:47,217 --> 00:02:49,756 Do you think that you and Victoria 69 00:02:49,781 --> 00:02:51,437 are clicking more than me and Nick? 70 00:02:51,461 --> 00:02:53,599 Do you think you and Nick are... 71 00:02:53,629 --> 00:02:55,796 Oh, that's precious. 72 00:02:57,223 --> 00:02:59,304 Kids, when you're in a new relationship 73 00:02:59,322 --> 00:03:01,546 and you're competing with your ex for who's happier, 74 00:03:01,604 --> 00:03:02,853 it can get ugly. 75 00:03:03,254 --> 00:03:05,590 Anyway, I should get going. 76 00:03:05,625 --> 00:03:08,242 I have to go get a key made for Nick. 77 00:03:08,344 --> 00:03:09,768 For my apartment. 78 00:03:09,797 --> 00:03:10,996 Ha-burn. 79 00:03:11,049 --> 00:03:12,686 Hey, maybe the locksmith who made the key 80 00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:14,312 I gave to Victoria will give you a deal. 81 00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:15,737 Oh, wait, he won't remember me. 82 00:03:15,771 --> 00:03:17,080 It was three weeks ago. 83 00:03:17,104 --> 00:03:18,176 Ha-double burn. 84 00:03:18,194 --> 00:03:19,727 Nick signed for a package when I wasn't there. 85 00:03:19,759 --> 00:03:21,329 Victoria keeps tampons at my apartment. 86 00:03:21,372 --> 00:03:22,866 Damn it! 87 00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:30,890 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA PSArips.com 88 00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,438 The next day, Lily and Marshall's 89 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:40,043 nanny search hit pay dirt. 90 00:03:40,282 --> 00:03:42,105 Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen, 91 00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:45,932 I promise to create a safe, nurturing environment 92 00:03:46,002 --> 00:03:49,170 full of learning, laughter and love. 93 00:03:49,335 --> 00:03:50,351 So that even when 94 00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:51,861 we have to eat lima beans 95 00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,814 or we get a boo-boo on our knee, 96 00:03:53,841 --> 00:03:57,158 we know everything will be just fine. 97 00:03:57,192 --> 00:03:58,824 And do you know why? 98 00:03:58,848 --> 00:04:00,414 Because you're an angel sent from heaven? 99 00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:02,749 I want to bury my head in the safety of your bosom. 100 00:04:02,808 --> 00:04:05,838 Because Mrs. Buckminster is here. 101 00:04:06,848 --> 00:04:08,326 The search is over. 102 00:04:08,626 --> 00:04:11,581 Mrs. Buckminster, we just need to know your salary. 103 00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,402 Oh, delightful! 104 00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:16,092 Well, my weekly fee is... 105 00:04:17,338 --> 00:04:18,737 There, there. 106 00:04:18,739 --> 00:04:22,370 I'm sure you'll find someone you like just as much. 107 00:04:22,407 --> 00:04:23,489 No, we won't! 108 00:04:23,527 --> 00:04:25,354 Not like you! 109 00:04:27,292 --> 00:04:29,133 Hey, Robin, can I borrow a stamp? 110 00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:32,713 Oh, wait, this wedding reply card already has one. 111 00:04:32,753 --> 00:04:34,005 Why, you ask? 112 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:37,575 Victoria and I are RSVPing to a wedding... 113 00:04:37,608 --> 00:04:38,833 in Jamaica... 114 00:04:38,865 --> 00:04:40,414 six months from now. 115 00:04:40,473 --> 00:04:41,922 Ha-triple burn. 116 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,661 Oh. 117 00:04:43,828 --> 00:04:45,036 - Jamaica. - Yeah. 118 00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:47,324 That's an island, right? 119 00:04:48,024 --> 00:04:49,494 Depends where you're going with this. 120 00:04:49,526 --> 00:04:52,332 All the way to the island of Hawaii. 121 00:04:52,373 --> 00:04:53,533 Why, you ask? 122 00:04:53,570 --> 00:04:54,796 Well, I was invited 123 00:04:54,825 --> 00:04:55,938 to spend New Year's there... 124 00:04:55,966 --> 00:04:58,316 last night when I met Nick's parents. 125 00:04:58,462 --> 00:05:00,279 Ha-aloha burn. 126 00:05:01,174 --> 00:05:02,186 Have you... 127 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,486 met Victoria's parents, Ted? 128 00:05:04,725 --> 00:05:07,431 As a matter of fact, I haven't. 129 00:05:07,722 --> 00:05:09,838 Because they're dead. 130 00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,484 Are they, Ted? 131 00:05:12,593 --> 00:05:14,226 Are they really dead? 132 00:05:14,784 --> 00:05:16,141 No. 133 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,475 Damn it! 134 00:05:18,721 --> 00:05:21,084 Bangtoberfest is a flop! 135 00:05:21,301 --> 00:05:24,669 I can't think of an innovative way to bang chicks 136 00:05:24,688 --> 00:05:26,988 that properly honors my return to the game. 137 00:05:27,024 --> 00:05:29,474 Sure, I've tried some old reliables. 138 00:05:29,613 --> 00:05:31,297 Ten unpaid parking tickets? 139 00:05:32,606 --> 00:05:37,745 I suppose there is one way I could... "get you off". 140 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,207 No! 141 00:05:40,254 --> 00:05:43,655 I've used that admittedly awesome line a thousand times. 142 00:05:43,688 --> 00:05:45,626 You're better than this, Barney! 143 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,963 Well, the evidence is pretty incriminating, but... 144 00:05:49,451 --> 00:05:53,127 I suppose there is one way I could "get you off". 145 00:05:53,151 --> 00:05:56,018 Damn it! What? 146 00:05:56,303 --> 00:05:58,554 Bangtoberfest is about innovation, 147 00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:00,168 about ideas. 148 00:06:00,274 --> 00:06:02,746 Bangtoberfest used to mean something. 149 00:06:02,787 --> 00:06:04,031 You just made it up yesterday. 150 00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:05,042 Enough questions. 151 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,143 I need time to think! 152 00:06:09,332 --> 00:06:11,100 So, how's the nanny search going, Lil? 153 00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:12,459 Lousy. 154 00:06:12,486 --> 00:06:15,387 Mrs. Buckminster was a spoonful of sugar. 155 00:06:15,488 --> 00:06:18,128 But so far, everyone we can afford on this Web site 156 00:06:18,171 --> 00:06:22,089 HeyNannyNanny.com is Scary Poppins. 157 00:06:22,179 --> 00:06:24,260 But Lily and Marshall needed a nanny, 158 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,218 so they forged ahead with their search. 159 00:06:26,237 --> 00:06:28,804 So, zero experience as a nanny? 160 00:06:29,036 --> 00:06:32,149 Right. But in rehab, I was in charge of the cats. 161 00:06:32,206 --> 00:06:34,818 And only two died, so I figured... 162 00:06:34,892 --> 00:06:36,192 I'm available. 163 00:06:37,870 --> 00:06:39,474 How do you feel about spanking? 164 00:06:39,756 --> 00:06:43,195 For eight bucks an hour, you can do whatever you want to me. 165 00:06:43,235 --> 00:06:44,518 I'm available. 166 00:06:44,546 --> 00:06:45,912 Dad, we know. 167 00:06:45,958 --> 00:06:48,508 I wasn't talking to you. 168 00:06:49,202 --> 00:06:51,772 Finally, they met Julie Jorgensen. 169 00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:54,730 You're from St. Cloud, Minnesota? 170 00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:55,965 I'm from St. Cloud. 171 00:06:55,994 --> 00:06:58,378 Really? Oh, you must know my dad, George Jorgensen? 172 00:06:58,392 --> 00:06:59,048 Of course. 173 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,466 George Jorgensen's Organs. 174 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,130 Last year, my brother joined the business. 175 00:07:02,186 --> 00:07:04,733 Really? Who knew that Morgan Jorgensen would go into organs? 176 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,873 Anyway, Julie... 177 00:07:05,906 --> 00:07:07,589 Is it still called George Jorgensen's Organs 178 00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:10,012 or did they change it to George Jorgensen and Son Organs? 179 00:07:10,044 --> 00:07:12,661 They changed it to George and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs. 180 00:07:12,694 --> 00:07:14,095 Guess whose idea that was? 181 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,062 Morgan's. Morgan's. 182 00:07:16,108 --> 00:07:17,674 They just opened a new shop out of state. 183 00:07:17,701 --> 00:07:18,993 - Oh, yeah? Where? - Oregon. 184 00:07:19,012 --> 00:07:19,894 What's that one called? 185 00:07:19,932 --> 00:07:21,732 Piano Town. 186 00:07:22,813 --> 00:07:24,705 Well, you have experience, 187 00:07:24,737 --> 00:07:27,905 and I think it's safe to say you have my husband's approval. 188 00:07:27,945 --> 00:07:29,264 What's your salary? 189 00:07:29,286 --> 00:07:31,119 Oh... it's right there. 190 00:07:32,511 --> 00:07:35,686 Julie, we would love for you to be our nanny. 191 00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:37,261 Oh, thank you so much. 192 00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:39,472 Um, I just have one last interview today, 193 00:07:39,505 --> 00:07:41,054 but to be honest, I can't imagine 194 00:07:41,079 --> 00:07:42,978 liking anyone more than I like you guys. 195 00:07:42,993 --> 00:07:44,274 Oh... 196 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,331 Okay, bye. 197 00:07:45,358 --> 00:07:46,357 Bye. 198 00:07:46,484 --> 00:07:48,100 Yay. 199 00:07:48,977 --> 00:07:51,850 Well, she was a total bitch. 200 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,467 That night, Lily and Marshall called Julie 201 00:07:55,506 --> 00:07:57,222 hoping she'd accept the job. 202 00:07:57,305 --> 00:07:59,555 I'm so sorry, I can't. 203 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,638 Don't tell us you took the other job. 204 00:08:01,656 --> 00:08:04,049 No, I didn't. I'm not taking any nanny job. 205 00:08:04,073 --> 00:08:05,619 I don't understand. 206 00:08:05,648 --> 00:08:07,126 The most amazing thing happened 207 00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:09,018 at my next interview after you guys. 208 00:08:09,303 --> 00:08:11,181 I fell in love with a single dad 209 00:08:11,205 --> 00:08:13,239 who turns out to be a billionaire. 210 00:08:13,274 --> 00:08:15,882 Tomorrow, we're heading off to Paris in his private jet. 211 00:08:15,935 --> 00:08:19,820 It's gonna be, as he would say, legend... wait for it... 212 00:08:20,746 --> 00:08:22,447 Barney! 213 00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:25,654 Ix-nay on the eal-ray ame-nay. 214 00:08:25,698 --> 00:08:27,398 Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen? 215 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,934 You son of a... 216 00:08:31,207 --> 00:08:32,873 itch-bay! 217 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:40,565 Look, Barney's our friend, for some reason, 218 00:08:40,591 --> 00:08:42,975 and everything he told you was a lie. 219 00:08:43,083 --> 00:08:44,290 But the good news is 220 00:08:44,312 --> 00:08:46,146 you're free to come work for us. 221 00:08:46,171 --> 00:08:48,698 I'm sorry, I can't nanny for anyone 222 00:08:48,723 --> 00:08:50,890 who's friends with this monster. 223 00:08:55,937 --> 00:08:58,181 Look, I'd offer you guys coffee, 224 00:08:58,213 --> 00:08:59,890 but I have another nanny interview 225 00:08:59,909 --> 00:09:01,834 in about 15 minutes, so... 226 00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:04,467 why are you interviewing nannies? 227 00:09:04,517 --> 00:09:05,492 Glad you asked! 228 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,121 You guys were all pressuring me to think of 229 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:09,790 a revolutionary new way to get chicks for Bangtoberfest. 230 00:09:09,829 --> 00:09:11,945 And frankly, I was stumped. 231 00:09:11,971 --> 00:09:13,404 Until... 232 00:09:13,488 --> 00:09:15,957 So far, everyone we can afford on this Web site 233 00:09:15,999 --> 00:09:19,334 HeyNannyNanny.com is Scary Poppins. 234 00:09:19,430 --> 00:09:20,899 And there it was. 235 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:24,405 The Big Bro in the sky had answered my prayers. 236 00:09:24,602 --> 00:09:26,096 Almighty-five. 237 00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,323 Ow. 238 00:09:27,362 --> 00:09:29,512 I'd introduce you to little Baby Edgar, 239 00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:31,829 but one, he's napping, 240 00:09:31,922 --> 00:09:35,290 and two, he doesn't exist. 241 00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:38,295 And these nannies are really falling for this? 242 00:09:38,332 --> 00:09:40,911 Yeah, these toys don't even make sense for a baby. 243 00:09:40,942 --> 00:09:44,174 You've got an air rifle, you got the exact race track 244 00:09:44,203 --> 00:09:45,952 with the double loopty-loop I had as a kid! 245 00:09:45,983 --> 00:09:49,718 Oh, can I open it, can I open it, can I open it? 246 00:09:50,211 --> 00:09:52,127 What about Baby Edgar's mom? 247 00:09:52,179 --> 00:09:55,397 Oh, that's a sad story. 248 00:09:55,498 --> 00:09:58,335 And in the end, the coroner's report confirmed 249 00:09:58,359 --> 00:10:00,159 what I already feared: 250 00:10:01,229 --> 00:10:06,783 The female body cannot withstand that many consecutive orgasms. 251 00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:10,285 I blame myself. 252 00:10:10,381 --> 00:10:13,198 Okay, does anybody have six nine-volt batteries? 253 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,985 Once I got the nannies all sympathetic, 254 00:10:19,075 --> 00:10:21,372 I had to check their qualifications. 255 00:10:21,685 --> 00:10:23,349 I'd like to see how you handle bath time. 256 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,823 Follow me to the tub. 257 00:10:25,857 --> 00:10:27,032 Should I get the baby? 258 00:10:27,063 --> 00:10:28,830 No. 259 00:10:30,025 --> 00:10:31,291 I'm just gonna take the batteries 260 00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:33,991 out of these smoke detectors. Cool? Cool. 261 00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:39,407 Once the interview was over, I went in for the kill. 262 00:10:39,647 --> 00:10:41,564 You're perfect for the job. 263 00:10:41,603 --> 00:10:43,724 So, congratulations, you're hi... 264 00:10:43,755 --> 00:10:44,921 No. 265 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,665 I can't do this. 266 00:10:47,311 --> 00:10:48,962 I find you very attractive, 267 00:10:49,038 --> 00:10:51,538 and it wouldn't be appropriate. 268 00:10:55,158 --> 00:10:57,359 It wouldn't be appropriate. 269 00:11:00,665 --> 00:11:02,800 It wouldn't be appropriate. 270 00:11:04,819 --> 00:11:08,322 I repeat... it would not be appropriate. 271 00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:16,190 It was like taking candy from an imaginary baby! 272 00:11:16,231 --> 00:11:18,925 Barney, I just went five months with no help, 273 00:11:18,958 --> 00:11:22,088 and interviewed 92 nannies before finding one we liked, 274 00:11:22,113 --> 00:11:23,311 and you ruined everything 275 00:11:23,336 --> 00:11:26,004 the night before I'm supposed to go back to work? 276 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:29,006 Thank you for being the most immature person 277 00:11:29,030 --> 00:11:30,329 I have ever met. 278 00:11:30,373 --> 00:11:31,572 Marshall, let's go. 279 00:11:31,598 --> 00:11:32,614 Five more minutes! 280 00:11:32,636 --> 00:11:34,434 Now. 281 00:11:35,573 --> 00:11:37,306 - I'll be right back. - Okay. 282 00:11:39,285 --> 00:11:40,552 - Mm. - Mmm. 283 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,783 Mm-hmm. Mmm. 284 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,133 - Mmm. - Mm-hmm. 285 00:11:45,169 --> 00:11:46,643 Mmm! 286 00:11:47,128 --> 00:11:49,161 I'll miss you. 287 00:11:52,048 --> 00:11:53,573 Oh! Oh! 288 00:11:55,186 --> 00:11:56,819 Overcompensating a bit? 289 00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:59,765 Why would I need to overcompensate? 290 00:11:59,796 --> 00:12:01,634 I am... 291 00:12:01,671 --> 00:12:04,538 deliriously happy in my perfect relationship. 292 00:12:04,628 --> 00:12:08,472 What about what I just witnessed not two minutes ago? 293 00:12:08,669 --> 00:12:12,016 How can the Giants pass on third and one? 294 00:12:12,244 --> 00:12:13,525 Honey, it's okay. 295 00:12:13,561 --> 00:12:16,474 It's the first quarter, and the Browns are only up by three... 296 00:12:16,505 --> 00:12:18,964 Robin, I don't want you to fix this. 297 00:12:19,008 --> 00:12:22,628 I just want to feel heard. 298 00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,652 First of all, the Giants were smart 299 00:12:24,682 --> 00:12:26,933 not to run on my Dawg Pound defense. 300 00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:28,221 - They suck, Ted. - I know. 301 00:12:28,277 --> 00:12:29,736 And two... 302 00:12:29,787 --> 00:12:32,093 there is no way that you like being with a guy 303 00:12:32,124 --> 00:12:33,524 who's so emotional and needy. 304 00:12:33,677 --> 00:12:36,161 You want to dance, Mosby? 305 00:12:36,210 --> 00:12:38,185 Let's talk about yesterday. 306 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:42,368 Hi! You guys, I'm so sorry I'm so late. 307 00:12:42,399 --> 00:12:44,356 I'm gonna run upstairs, change, I'll be back 308 00:12:44,387 --> 00:12:46,688 in five minutes. 309 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,416 Take your time, sweetie. 310 00:12:51,893 --> 00:12:53,463 Victoria's a slob! 311 00:12:53,498 --> 00:12:55,692 Well, at least I'm not dating a girl. 312 00:12:56,267 --> 00:12:57,251 You know what I mean. 313 00:12:57,270 --> 00:12:58,386 Hey, you know what? 314 00:12:58,413 --> 00:13:00,980 I really appreciate how sensitive 315 00:13:01,117 --> 00:13:03,293 and in touch he is with his... 316 00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:04,902 God, who am I kidding? 317 00:13:04,936 --> 00:13:08,772 20 bucks says he is crying in the ladies' room right now. 318 00:13:09,149 --> 00:13:12,784 Well, at least when he's finished, he's gonna flush. 319 00:13:15,386 --> 00:13:17,655 So, just as Lily was about to call in sick 320 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,330 on her first day back to work... 321 00:13:26,054 --> 00:13:27,108 Good morning! 322 00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:30,602 Mrs. Buckminster, hold me and make everything okay! 323 00:13:31,017 --> 00:13:34,350 I mean... what are you doing here? 324 00:13:34,435 --> 00:13:38,887 A Mr. Stinson called the agency and offered to pay my salary. 325 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,650 Wow. Really? 326 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,543 It's a nice gesture, but I'm still pissed. 327 00:13:44,611 --> 00:13:47,144 He also sent along this. 328 00:13:48,234 --> 00:13:49,291 Are the batteries...? 329 00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:52,501 Yes, the batteries are included, dear. 330 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,115 Yes! 331 00:13:54,786 --> 00:13:56,824 Now, off to work, you two. 332 00:13:56,861 --> 00:13:59,778 Mr. Marvin and I are going to get acquainted. 333 00:14:00,099 --> 00:14:01,122 Great. 334 00:14:01,155 --> 00:14:03,080 I can't wait to hand him off 335 00:14:03,107 --> 00:14:04,882 and-and finally get some freedom. 336 00:14:04,965 --> 00:14:07,466 You deserve it. Now hand him over. 337 00:14:07,537 --> 00:14:10,081 Hand him over, yup. 338 00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:13,302 I'll just take little Marvin off your hands then. 339 00:14:13,711 --> 00:14:15,371 Take him off my hands. 340 00:14:15,398 --> 00:14:17,432 There he goes. 341 00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:20,176 Ready to receive him! 342 00:14:20,962 --> 00:14:23,294 I can't give Marvin to a stranger! 343 00:14:26,289 --> 00:14:28,793 Okay, somebody who's not in the middle of a race 344 00:14:28,818 --> 00:14:31,369 should probably go talk to her. 345 00:14:34,762 --> 00:14:36,932 I'm sorry Mrs. Buckminster 346 00:14:37,301 --> 00:14:39,707 we've decided we're not going to use a nanny afterall. 347 00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:40,746 You're fired. 348 00:14:40,809 --> 00:14:42,120 Calm down. 349 00:14:42,163 --> 00:14:44,416 Lily, you're just nervous about spending 350 00:14:44,441 --> 00:14:46,189 your first day away from Marvin. 351 00:14:46,551 --> 00:14:47,914 That's perfectly normal. 352 00:14:47,959 --> 00:14:50,494 Oh, I am holding on to you forever. 353 00:14:50,519 --> 00:14:52,262 And when I die and I become a skeleton 354 00:14:52,287 --> 00:14:54,518 I'll still be holding you. Yes. 355 00:14:56,512 --> 00:15:01,077 Last night, Nick cried when I killed a spider. 356 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,227 You should have brought that spider over to my house 357 00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:06,133 to feast on the ant colony 358 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,045 breeding on Victoria's unwashed dishes. 359 00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:10,955 Whoa! 360 00:15:11,163 --> 00:15:12,546 Barney, what happened to you? 361 00:15:13,648 --> 00:15:15,945 It was a nightmare. 362 00:15:16,246 --> 00:15:18,363 I'm walking down the street, minding my own business, 363 00:15:18,391 --> 00:15:19,629 and I see one of the nannies 364 00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:20,968 that I interviewed, and I'm thinking, 365 00:15:20,993 --> 00:15:22,512 "Maybe I can get her behind a Dumpster 366 00:15:22,537 --> 00:15:24,204 and interview her again". 367 00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:27,156 But then... 368 00:15:27,983 --> 00:15:30,395 And then... 369 00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:34,173 They were everywhere. 370 00:15:34,564 --> 00:15:36,379 I was surrounded! 371 00:15:36,415 --> 00:15:37,709 Hey. Hi. 372 00:15:38,235 --> 00:15:40,554 Did you really think you could get away with this? 373 00:15:41,654 --> 00:15:44,166 As a matter of fact, I did, yeah. 374 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,262 Time for your nap! 375 00:15:48,084 --> 00:15:49,923 I woke up in a Dumpster 376 00:15:49,956 --> 00:15:51,956 covered in diapers. 377 00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:54,015 And I found a pacifier 378 00:15:54,039 --> 00:15:56,673 somewhere I'm not willing to discuss. 379 00:15:57,110 --> 00:15:59,162 What is wrong with me? 380 00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,519 You're still getting over Quinn. 381 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:04,215 You can't just dive right back into single Barney mode. 382 00:16:04,233 --> 00:16:05,861 But I can't stop myself! 383 00:16:05,872 --> 00:16:07,032 I'm out of control! 384 00:16:07,057 --> 00:16:08,651 No, I'm not. I'm fine! 385 00:16:08,715 --> 00:16:09,509 Now, 386 00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:10,690 if you'll excuse me, 387 00:16:10,712 --> 00:16:14,965 that blonde at the bar looks as loose as my rear molars. 388 00:16:15,093 --> 00:16:17,419 Stop me! Don't stop me! I'm fine. Help! 389 00:16:17,451 --> 00:16:19,668 Being single's great! 390 00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:26,903 You know, Victoria's messiness 391 00:16:26,936 --> 00:16:29,917 just forces me to grow as a cleaner. 392 00:16:30,008 --> 00:16:32,509 Totally. And without Nick, 393 00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:34,218 who's gonna hem my pants? 394 00:16:35,290 --> 00:16:37,371 To making these relationships last. 395 00:16:37,765 --> 00:16:41,291 Both relationships would implode within the month. 396 00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:43,214 Hey, sweetie. 397 00:16:43,454 --> 00:16:45,765 Hey. Did you guys conk out? 398 00:16:45,824 --> 00:16:47,630 Yeah, I guess we did. 399 00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:48,842 What time is it? 400 00:16:48,856 --> 00:16:49,805 5:00. 401 00:16:49,889 --> 00:16:52,158 Wow. We slept all day! 402 00:16:53,059 --> 00:16:54,216 Quick question. Um, 403 00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:55,479 where's Marvin? 404 00:16:55,829 --> 00:16:57,639 Right here. 405 00:17:09,346 --> 00:17:11,892 Hey, gang. What's the big whoop? 406 00:17:11,946 --> 00:17:13,145 Marvin! 407 00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:14,726 Dad, what happened? 408 00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:17,497 Well, when I came back this morning from my jog, 409 00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:19,286 Marshall was gone, 410 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,873 and I couldn't find Mrs. What's-her-face. 411 00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:27,132 And you two were sawing logs, so I figured I'd lend a hand. 412 00:17:37,294 --> 00:17:38,770 Then, why did I wake up 413 00:17:38,804 --> 00:17:39,887 holding a monkey? 414 00:17:39,905 --> 00:17:42,272 Well, a little later, I got kind of hungry. 415 00:17:50,799 --> 00:17:53,548 So I gave him a bath, and put his diaper rash ointment on, 416 00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,525 and fed him strained peas, not bananas, 417 00:17:55,558 --> 00:17:57,317 'cause he had bananas yesterday, 418 00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:58,943 and I did the laundry, 419 00:17:59,021 --> 00:18:00,258 finished my burrito, 420 00:18:00,276 --> 00:18:02,076 put him down for his nap at noon, 421 00:18:02,192 --> 00:18:04,643 sterilized the bottles, and then we just went to the park. 422 00:18:04,676 --> 00:18:06,175 Okay. 423 00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,984 Wow. That's incredible. 424 00:18:08,992 --> 00:18:11,042 When did you get so good with kids? 425 00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:13,201 You know something, honey, you don't remember this, 426 00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:15,550 but... for the first few years of your life, 427 00:18:15,575 --> 00:18:18,509 your mom worked, and I was a stay-at-home dad. 428 00:18:18,550 --> 00:18:20,569 I thought Grandma and Grandpa took care of me. 429 00:18:20,623 --> 00:18:21,925 Well, they visited a lot, 430 00:18:21,948 --> 00:18:24,030 but I was the guy who took care of you. 431 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,095 You know, America thinks 432 00:18:25,126 --> 00:18:27,822 I ran into that burning house to get potato salad, 433 00:18:28,028 --> 00:18:30,579 but I actually ran in to get this photo album. 434 00:18:31,551 --> 00:18:34,468 And potato salad. Sure. 435 00:18:43,918 --> 00:18:47,153 Dad, I never realized you were... 436 00:18:47,311 --> 00:18:49,405 there for me. 437 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,847 How come there are no pictures of me after I go to preschool? 438 00:18:54,462 --> 00:18:56,048 Well... 439 00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:58,663 Oh. Okay, well, 440 00:18:58,694 --> 00:19:01,912 have fun on your first day of preschool, Princess. 441 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,671 Okay. Off you go. 442 00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:06,389 There you go. 443 00:19:06,509 --> 00:19:08,252 Ugh! 444 00:19:08,393 --> 00:19:11,311 How am I gonna make it to 3:00 without her? 445 00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:18,014 "Belmont Race Track?" Hmm. 446 00:19:18,054 --> 00:19:20,754 I guess it couldn't hurt to go just once. 447 00:19:22,558 --> 00:19:23,648 Six months later, 448 00:19:23,673 --> 00:19:26,521 guess what gambling addict's thumbs had metal pins in them? 449 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,605 This guy. 450 00:19:31,845 --> 00:19:33,872 Look, honey, I was a jerk 451 00:19:33,896 --> 00:19:36,203 who wasn't there for most of your childhood, 452 00:19:36,228 --> 00:19:39,429 and I regret that every single day of my life. 453 00:19:40,088 --> 00:19:41,371 But I promise you, 454 00:19:41,385 --> 00:19:44,252 I'm here now for Marvin... 455 00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:47,222 if you want. 456 00:19:48,344 --> 00:19:50,291 You're hired. 457 00:19:50,328 --> 00:19:52,093 # I look up to you # 458 00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:55,334 # You don't look down on me # 459 00:19:55,351 --> 00:19:57,626 # What do you see in me? # 460 00:19:57,674 --> 00:20:00,341 # Is it oceans of blue? # 461 00:20:00,395 --> 00:20:04,948 # How do you make the colors say # 462 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:08,163 # In a thousand crazy ways # 463 00:20:08,178 --> 00:20:09,928 # That in the end # 464 00:20:10,006 --> 00:20:14,174 # Most things will be okay... # 465 00:20:16,663 --> 00:20:18,530 Ten parking tickets, huh? 466 00:20:18,737 --> 00:20:20,820 I suppose there is a way I could... 467 00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:22,849 "get you off". 468 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,631 Why did I ever doubt a classic? 469 00:20:25,663 --> 00:20:27,580 Now, now, now. 470 00:20:27,832 --> 00:20:29,954 This is exactly the sort of behavior 471 00:20:29,972 --> 00:20:32,699 you hired me to put an end to, Mr. Stinson. 472 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,025 Off with you, dear. 473 00:20:34,056 --> 00:20:36,071 Go make better decisions! 474 00:20:39,407 --> 00:20:41,325 You're right. 475 00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:43,107 Thanks, Mrs. Buckminster. 476 00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:44,338 You're welcome. 477 00:20:44,415 --> 00:20:47,288 And I'm proud of you for trying to change. 478 00:20:47,475 --> 00:20:48,531 What you're doing 479 00:20:48,559 --> 00:20:50,755 with these young women 480 00:20:50,821 --> 00:20:53,155 is simply not appropriate. 481 00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:02,644 That can never happen again. 482 00:21:03,082 --> 00:21:05,971 Oh, pish-posh. You said that five times ago.