1
00:00:01,241 --> 00:00:03,554
Kids, once your Uncle
Marshall and Aunt Lily
2
00:00:03,573 --> 00:00:05,279
found a nanny for baby Marvin,
3
00:00:05,316 --> 00:00:06,279
they were excited
4
00:00:06,305 --> 00:00:08,849
for their first night
out together in five months.
5
00:00:08,939 --> 00:00:10,055
And so were we.
6
00:00:10,163 --> 00:00:12,122
Mama.
7
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,893
Dada.
8
00:00:14,167 --> 00:00:15,383
Hi, gang.
9
00:00:15,404 --> 00:00:16,180
Ooh.
10
00:00:16,207 --> 00:00:18,598
Ah, so, now that there's no
11
00:00:18,625 --> 00:00:20,458
screaming baby to distract us,
12
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:22,842
what have you guys been up to lately?
- Yeah.
13
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,207
This was a surprisingly loaded question.
14
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,239
You see, right after Marvin was born,
15
00:00:27,287 --> 00:00:29,743
Lily and Marshall had issued a decree.
16
00:00:29,984 --> 00:00:33,819
you can't come to us with any issue
17
00:00:33,844 --> 00:00:35,827
unless it's an eight or higher.
18
00:00:36,263 --> 00:00:38,408
And we were doing our best to abide.
19
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:39,462
Ted, how are things
20
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:40,930
going with Victoria?
21
00:00:42,427 --> 00:00:44,022
My dad made the funniest joke.
22
00:00:44,064 --> 00:00:46,775
He said that since you're the
reason I left the wedding,
23
00:00:46,799 --> 00:00:49,625
you owe him the $70,000 he paid for it,
24
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:50,764
or else.
25
00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:56,658
You know, he's not usually
funny like that.
26
00:00:57,241 --> 00:01:00,229
Not promising, but not an eight.
27
00:01:00,368 --> 00:01:02,604
Everything's great.
28
00:01:02,711 --> 00:01:05,045
And Robin, how's everything with Nick?
29
00:01:06,305 --> 00:01:08,182
Finally ready for a ride on the bike?
30
00:01:08,304 --> 00:01:09,548
Who? Me?
31
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,642
Let's ride, Big Daddy.
32
00:01:15,532 --> 00:01:17,704
Oh, yeah.
33
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:22,251
Mama likey.
34
00:01:25,969 --> 00:01:28,469
- Robin, over here.
- Ooh.
35
00:01:29,432 --> 00:01:31,908
Eco-friendly.
36
00:01:32,238 --> 00:01:34,372
She runs on corn.
37
00:01:35,856 --> 00:01:39,045
Totally lady bone
killer, but not an eight.
38
00:01:39,857 --> 00:01:41,577
Everything's great.
39
00:01:42,047 --> 00:01:45,232
And how are things for
the old Barnacle?
40
00:01:49,974 --> 00:01:51,081
Not an eight.
41
00:01:51,122 --> 00:01:53,372
At best, she was a six, six and a half.
42
00:01:53,398 --> 00:01:55,278
More like a four by the
time I was done with her.
43
00:01:55,328 --> 00:01:57,661
Mental self-five.
44
00:01:58,213 --> 00:01:59,963
Everything's great.
45
00:02:00,184 --> 00:02:03,386
To long-awaited MacLaren's
return of Marshall and Lily.
46
00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:06,517
Mmm.
47
00:02:06,686 --> 00:02:08,519
I've missed this. Okay. We got to go.
48
00:02:08,533 --> 00:02:10,217
W
- what? You just got here.
49
00:02:10,278 --> 00:02:12,066
I cleared my whole night for you guys.
50
00:02:12,118 --> 00:02:14,321
I didn't even bring
my booty-call phone.
51
00:02:14,339 --> 00:02:16,479
Oh, I'm sorry, but we just really
52
00:02:16,497 --> 00:02:18,004
need some time to ourselves.
53
00:02:18,036 --> 00:02:20,055
I promise we'll hang out soon.
54
00:02:20,157 --> 00:02:22,249
- See you guys.
- Bye.
55
00:02:22,713 --> 00:02:25,073
# Booty, booty, booty, booty
rocking everywhere #
56
00:02:25,164 --> 00:02:27,408
# Booty, booty, booty,
booty rocking everywhere #
57
00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:28,457
# Booty, booty, booty, booty #
58
00:02:28,476 --> 00:02:30,977
Yeah, like I'm going
to leave this at home.
59
00:02:31,104 --> 00:02:32,937
Barney Stinson. How
may I direct my penis?
60
00:02:32,983 --> 00:02:34,364
Oh, geez.
61
00:02:34,476 --> 00:02:37,533
It is so nice to be
out in the fresh air.
62
00:02:37,735 --> 00:02:39,129
- You smell that?
- Ooh.
63
00:02:39,166 --> 00:02:40,999
That's the smell of
urine that isn't Marvin's.
64
00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:43,476
Oh, God, I miss that smell.
65
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,198
You know, I thought we'd
spend the whole time
66
00:02:45,222 --> 00:02:48,111
worrying about Marvin, but
it's actually nice to be out
67
00:02:48,136 --> 00:02:49,576
in the world, living life.
68
00:02:49,582 --> 00:02:50,545
Yeah.
69
00:02:54,611 --> 00:02:57,795
Death is all around us.
70
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:01,033
Wow, that urine smell just
got a lot stronger.
71
00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:09,057
ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
PSArips.com
72
00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:16,983
So, you guys spent
73
00:03:17,019 --> 00:03:18,294
your first night out in five months,
74
00:03:18,336 --> 00:03:20,415
sitting at home
planning for your own deaths?
75
00:03:20,503 --> 00:03:23,487
Yeah, we found this Web
site that helps you make a will.
76
00:03:23,789 --> 00:03:25,890
- In the event of your death...
- Ooh!
77
00:03:26,192 --> 00:03:27,170
I'm sorry.
78
00:03:27,198 --> 00:03:29,992
It-it's just-just real
sad to think about.
79
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,239
Oh, I know.
80
00:03:31,258 --> 00:03:31,934
All right.
81
00:03:31,952 --> 00:03:33,919
In the event of your death...
82
00:03:34,022 --> 00:03:35,564
Okay, no, you know what?
83
00:03:35,581 --> 00:03:36,730
Let's just start with something easy.
84
00:03:36,757 --> 00:03:37,788
- Okay.
- Okay?
85
00:03:37,812 --> 00:03:38,995
Please enter your zip code.
86
00:03:40,684 --> 00:03:44,585
We'll never get mail again.
87
00:03:44,626 --> 00:03:47,795
I keep reassuring Lily that
this is all hypothetical.
88
00:03:47,935 --> 00:03:50,948
Relatively speaking, New
York City is very safe.
89
00:03:51,007 --> 00:03:54,744
Please, faulty elevators,
exploding man hole covers,
90
00:03:54,792 --> 00:03:56,117
jealous husbands.
- Mmm.
91
00:03:56,162 --> 00:03:58,050
This place is a coroner's paradise.
92
00:03:58,105 --> 00:03:58,747
Ooh!
93
00:03:58,766 --> 00:04:01,741
They are way more likely to
eat it in a mugging gone wrong.
94
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:04,042
There was a double hommy on
your block like a week ago.
95
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,984
Caught it on the scanner during lunch.
96
00:04:06,074 --> 00:04:07,118
Knife job.
97
00:04:07,144 --> 00:04:08,878
Guy made a real mess of it too.
98
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:12,767
Anyway,
99
00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:15,629
then we got to the
section about picking a guardian.
100
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:19,424
Sometimes couples choose one of
their parents as a guardian.
101
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,356
That makes it simple.
102
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:22,583
My mom.
103
00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:24,133
Your mom?
104
00:04:24,185 --> 00:04:25,468
What's wrong with my mom?
105
00:04:25,505 --> 00:04:26,571
Are you...
106
00:04:30,695 --> 00:04:32,361
Fine. All right.
107
00:04:32,588 --> 00:04:35,076
Marvin won't go to my loving mother.
108
00:04:35,223 --> 00:04:36,523
But he's got to go to somebody.
109
00:04:36,654 --> 00:04:37,798
Fine.
110
00:04:37,985 --> 00:04:39,151
What about my mom?
111
00:04:39,221 --> 00:04:40,654
Your mom?
112
00:04:40,687 --> 00:04:42,270
Um, excuse...
113
00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:50,762
Fine.
114
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,757
Not my mom.
115
00:04:52,850 --> 00:04:54,088
What about my dad?
116
00:04:54,313 --> 00:04:55,369
Your dad?
117
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,178
Okay, yeah, he's out.
118
00:04:57,443 --> 00:04:59,811
Wait a minute. You
know who could be good?
119
00:04:59,917 --> 00:05:01,092
My brother Marcus.
120
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:02,894
He's like a great dad.
121
00:05:02,925 --> 00:05:04,200
Do you remember his Christmas card?
122
00:05:07,622 --> 00:05:11,808
Questionable denim choices
aside, Marcus is a good dad.
123
00:05:11,841 --> 00:05:15,079
I guess if Marvin has to go to
anyone, it should be family.
124
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,708
Okay, great.
125
00:05:16,898 --> 00:05:18,199
Okay.
126
00:05:18,395 --> 00:05:20,076
Marcus, hey, how's it going?
127
00:05:20,105 --> 00:05:22,612
Pretty freaking sweet, buttwipe.
128
00:05:22,648 --> 00:05:26,336
I packed up all my crap, I
said, "See ya" to Sarah and the kids,
129
00:05:26,358 --> 00:05:28,515
And I finally got my dream job
130
00:05:28,546 --> 00:05:31,780
as a mixologist down
here at Carnalism 2.
131
00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:33,231
Hold on.
132
00:05:33,271 --> 00:05:36,122
Some punk's trying to use his
snorkel rental as a bong.
133
00:05:36,171 --> 00:05:37,132
Hey!
134
00:05:37,180 --> 00:05:41,566
You be packin' that bowl too tight, mon.
135
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,191
So, now we don't have a guardian.
136
00:05:45,227 --> 00:05:47,371
You know, as your best friend,
137
00:05:47,411 --> 00:05:51,058
if called upon, I'd be
honored to raise Marvin.
138
00:05:51,109 --> 00:05:53,819
If you want him to be raised by
his underwear on a flagpole,
139
00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:54,832
Ted's your guy.
140
00:05:54,851 --> 00:05:56,040
If you want him pulling the chord
141
00:05:56,073 --> 00:05:57,486
on some other nerd's panties,
142
00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:58,489
I'm your guy.
143
00:05:58,508 --> 00:06:00,683
I'll teach that kid how to be awesome
144
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,555
in ways you and Lily never could.
145
00:06:02,588 --> 00:06:04,363
It's going to be legend...
146
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:05,994
wait for it, no, I won't wait for it
147
00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:07,225
and neither should little baby Marvin,
148
00:06:07,237 --> 00:06:08,900
so maybe it's better if you
two just die right now...
149
00:06:08,925 --> 00:06:10,178
dary.
150
00:06:10,660 --> 00:06:15,263
And so began the longest
week of Lily and Marshall's lives.
151
00:06:23,358 --> 00:06:27,661
# Bro McDonald had a
farm, E- I-E-I-bro #
152
00:06:27,707 --> 00:06:30,188
# And on that farm he had some chicks #
153
00:06:30,237 --> 00:06:32,136
# E-I-E-I-bro #
154
00:06:32,182 --> 00:06:34,904
# With a hot chick here
and a dumb chick there... #
155
00:06:42,421 --> 00:06:44,958
# Bro, bro, bro your broat #
156
00:06:45,051 --> 00:06:47,218
# Gently to the bar #
157
00:06:47,364 --> 00:06:50,382
# Hit on sluts, then
do ten shots and... #
158
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:08,863
# The boobs on the bus go up and down #
159
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:11,073
# Up and down, up and down #
160
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:14,599
# The boobs on the bus go up and down #
161
00:07:19,877 --> 00:07:21,828
# All through the town. #
162
00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:24,925
What?
163
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,145
You think you can bribe
them with a stroller?
164
00:07:27,164 --> 00:07:28,713
They already got one, foo.
165
00:07:29,007 --> 00:07:31,257
Oh, this is no stroller, Robin.
166
00:07:31,357 --> 00:07:32,870
I call it the Broller.
167
00:07:32,903 --> 00:07:34,086
Go ahead. Look inside.
168
00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:38,791
I don't get it. I don't see anything.
169
00:07:38,977 --> 00:07:41,227
Yeah, but Papa does.
170
00:07:43,651 --> 00:07:45,433
Those Robin's boobies?
171
00:07:45,477 --> 00:07:49,068
When new nubile hotties lean
in to inspect your bundle of joy,
172
00:07:49,117 --> 00:07:51,762
you can inspect their bundles of joy.
173
00:07:52,186 --> 00:07:53,156
The Broller.
174
00:07:53,197 --> 00:07:54,897
God, I come up with a lot of good stuff.
175
00:07:55,111 --> 00:07:56,202
Hey, guys, hey...
176
00:07:56,235 --> 00:07:57,234
Hey.
177
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,224
Lily and I need you to come upstairs.
178
00:07:59,323 --> 00:08:00,840
This is an important decision
179
00:08:00,893 --> 00:08:02,964
and we can't have you constantly
interrupting us
180
00:08:02,995 --> 00:08:05,078
with this childish competition.
181
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,390
Which is why we're going to make it
182
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:10,122
an official competition!
183
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:13,117
We're going to play Who
Wants to Be a Godparent?
184
00:08:13,142 --> 00:08:15,960
Right after this word from our sponsors.
185
00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:20,259
Why is he talking to the wall?
186
00:08:24,617 --> 00:08:27,892
Wait, this is how you're going to
choose a guardian for Marvin?
187
00:08:27,930 --> 00:08:29,149
I mean, why don't you just put us
188
00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:31,874
in a three-way cage match and go
with whoever's left standing?
189
00:08:31,908 --> 00:08:34,946
We talked about that, but it gave
Robin an unfair advantage.
190
00:08:34,965 --> 00:08:36,596
Yeah, you see, guys, we were
191
00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:38,611
really struggling with this decision.
192
00:08:39,064 --> 00:08:41,147
# All through the town. #
193
00:08:43,393 --> 00:08:44,940
Babe, I know these guys have been
194
00:08:44,989 --> 00:08:47,731
- a little over the top lately.
- A little?
195
00:08:48,296 --> 00:08:51,231
But we still have to
pick a guardian just in case.
196
00:08:51,277 --> 00:08:52,635
In case of what?
197
00:08:52,959 --> 00:08:54,234
Don't make me say it.
198
00:08:54,271 --> 00:08:55,654
Say it. I can handle it.
199
00:08:55,698 --> 00:08:56,697
Say it.
200
00:08:57,274 --> 00:08:58,601
In case we die.
201
00:09:00,961 --> 00:09:04,163
How can you even say it?
202
00:09:04,546 --> 00:09:06,215
And then I thought what do you do
203
00:09:06,265 --> 00:09:08,182
if you got a wife who won't stop crying,
204
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:10,552
three idiots who won't stop bribing you,
205
00:09:10,641 --> 00:09:14,260
and a universally
beloved skill for gamesmanship?
206
00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:16,469
You take a bunch of
guardianship scenarios,
207
00:09:16,497 --> 00:09:18,601
throw them on a wheel, buy
your wife an expensive dress
208
00:09:18,632 --> 00:09:19,571
so she'll participate.
209
00:09:19,590 --> 00:09:21,140
I'm pretty again.
210
00:09:21,239 --> 00:09:22,726
Bottom line is I just wanted
211
00:09:22,757 --> 00:09:25,058
to make the idea of me and Lily dying...
212
00:09:25,079 --> 00:09:26,404
- Oh.
- fun.
213
00:09:26,454 --> 00:09:28,832
Now, if you'll step behind your
podiums, we'll get started.
214
00:09:32,855 --> 00:09:33,722
Contestants,
215
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,953
here's how the game works.
216
00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:37,518
Lily will spin that wheel. Not yet.
217
00:09:37,587 --> 00:09:39,504
When it lands on a parenting issue,
218
00:09:39,519 --> 00:09:43,011
you'll each describe how you
would handle it with Marvin.
219
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:44,903
The contestant with the
highest score gets to be
220
00:09:44,913 --> 00:09:46,032
his godparent.
221
00:09:46,057 --> 00:09:48,088
Ready to play? Great. Lily,
222
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,284
spin that wheel!
223
00:09:53,249 --> 00:09:56,600
Okay, now, see...
enthusiasm will factor into your scores.
224
00:09:56,631 --> 00:09:57,847
So, I say again:
225
00:09:57,971 --> 00:09:59,413
Lily, spin...
226
00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:01,066
Spin that wheel!
227
00:10:07,801 --> 00:10:08,673
Ooh.
228
00:10:08,704 --> 00:10:09,819
Our demise.
229
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,147
Barney, how would you
230
00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:17,440
explain to little Marvin why
we're not around anymore?
231
00:10:17,465 --> 00:10:19,798
No.
232
00:10:20,259 --> 00:10:22,390
Easy, all I'd have to
do is change a few words
233
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,471
to one of my classics with the ladies.
234
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:27,967
The President of the World
has called your parents away
235
00:10:27,991 --> 00:10:29,991
on a super-secret space mission.
236
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:33,163
For the sake of the planet, you
will never see them again.
237
00:10:33,355 --> 00:10:35,805
Now pick up your toys and
say good night to Daddy.
238
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:38,111
What do you know? That
last line stays the same.
239
00:10:38,311 --> 00:10:39,217
Judges?
240
00:10:40,463 --> 00:10:41,728
Okay, Robin,
241
00:10:41,753 --> 00:10:43,647
what would you do, and remember,
242
00:10:43,665 --> 00:10:45,448
"President of the
World called parents away
243
00:10:45,472 --> 00:10:48,339
for a super-secret space mission"
has already been taken.
244
00:10:48,378 --> 00:10:51,530
Well, my dad was always
upfront and honest with me,
245
00:10:51,557 --> 00:10:53,352
so that's how I would be.
246
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:56,049
All right, kid, here's
the deal with the deal.
247
00:10:56,243 --> 00:10:57,591
Your mom and dad are done-ski.
248
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,216
Belly-flopped off a subway platform.
249
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:01,485
Mom busted open like a piñata.
250
00:11:01,511 --> 00:11:04,089
What was left of your dad
hung around for a few days.
251
00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:06,189
Anyway, plug's pulled. Organs donated.
252
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:09,066
I'm your new mommy now.
253
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,356
Sah-wish!
254
00:11:12,261 --> 00:11:16,526
Well, I was saving
these for the showcase,
255
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,644
but here. Hey, Lily, look, baby,
256
00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:21,976
his-and-her
watches. - Ooh.
257
00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:26,355
Ted, the category's all yours.
258
00:11:26,563 --> 00:11:28,479
Okay, here's what I would say.
259
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:31,642
Well, Marvin,
explaining where your parents are
260
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,207
isn't gonna be easy.
261
00:11:33,539 --> 00:11:37,809
Even I... Lily and
Marshall's best friend
262
00:11:38,878 --> 00:11:42,116
for almost 20 years...
263
00:11:43,012 --> 00:11:45,225
will have a hard time doing it.
264
00:11:45,412 --> 00:11:49,739
But I do know a guy who's
very good at this sort of thing.
265
00:11:50,705 --> 00:11:53,143
Professor Infosaurus!
266
00:11:53,372 --> 00:11:55,047
Hey, there, squirt!
267
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:59,982
Death is a difficult yet
unfortunate certainty.
268
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:03,183
Good enough! Ted wins the round!
269
00:12:03,226 --> 00:12:04,927
Yes! Yes! You'll see.
270
00:12:04,951 --> 00:12:08,202
Professor Infosaurus will be
a big, big hit with children.
271
00:12:09,530 --> 00:12:12,493
Isn't that right, kids?
272
00:12:15,752 --> 00:12:17,553
Moving on.
273
00:12:19,631 --> 00:12:21,098
"Discipline".
274
00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:23,453
"How would you handle Marvin
275
00:12:23,484 --> 00:12:26,859
taking another kid's toy?" Barney?
276
00:12:26,924 --> 00:12:28,724
That's easy.
277
00:12:30,965 --> 00:12:33,735
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm
calling Child Services.
278
00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:35,590
Wait for it.
279
00:12:35,673 --> 00:12:39,473
I'll return your
$1,900 alligator-skin belt
280
00:12:39,498 --> 00:12:40,998
when you return that toy.
281
00:12:41,023 --> 00:12:44,705
Until then, you can wear this disgusting
282
00:12:45,299 --> 00:12:48,367
black-and-brown
reversible belt.
283
00:12:50,749 --> 00:12:54,497
Hey, I don't like it
any more than you do!
284
00:12:54,602 --> 00:12:57,980
Ted, how would you
discipline little Marvin?
285
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,063
I would be firm.
286
00:13:00,101 --> 00:13:02,685
Fair, but firm.
287
00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:06,328
You, sir, just lost your
television privileges.
288
00:13:07,665 --> 00:13:11,201
Okay, you can watch
TV, but nothing violent.
289
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,341
Okay, it can be violent,
290
00:13:13,391 --> 00:13:15,891
but you have to do the dishes first.
291
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,985
Okay, I'll do the dishes, you watch TV.
292
00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:21,794
Let's go get some ice cream! Come on!
293
00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:24,135
But no sprinkles.
294
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:26,127
Robin?
295
00:13:26,158 --> 00:13:28,204
Okay, sprinkles.
296
00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:32,122
Tough love.
297
00:13:32,584 --> 00:13:34,167
You know where you're headed, chief?
298
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,808
The British Columbia Military
School for Boys.
299
00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:40,603
Of course, you're actually a boy,
so at least you won't have
300
00:13:40,621 --> 00:13:43,422
to shave off all your hair
and burn your "girlie" clothing in
301
00:13:43,461 --> 00:13:45,582
an old oil drum while your
father stands there
302
00:13:45,618 --> 00:13:48,118
and laughs at you through the flames!
303
00:13:49,216 --> 00:13:50,208
Oh, my God!
304
00:13:53,038 --> 00:13:55,502
I think that Robin wins this round
305
00:13:56,022 --> 00:14:00,214
because we love her and she's
in a safe space, right, guys?
306
00:14:00,292 --> 00:14:01,241
Robin matters!
307
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,045
Yay! Totally.
308
00:14:02,076 --> 00:14:03,425
Now, that's just one point, right?
309
00:14:04,236 --> 00:14:05,412
Lily.
310
00:14:05,438 --> 00:14:08,005
A spin... that... wheel!
311
00:14:11,127 --> 00:14:13,262
Oh...
312
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,203
"Birds and Bees".
313
00:14:15,282 --> 00:14:17,628
Barney, "How would
you teach young Marvin
314
00:14:17,646 --> 00:14:19,730
about the facts of life?"
315
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:21,832
Hmm...
316
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:24,248
You're gonna love Amsterdam, little bro.
317
00:14:30,658 --> 00:14:32,450
Okay, Barney's out of this round.
318
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:35,515
Ted, how would you handle "the talk"?
319
00:14:35,772 --> 00:14:38,898
Well, Marvin would be a young adult,
320
00:14:39,103 --> 00:14:41,129
so you wouldn't
want to talk down to him.
321
00:14:41,302 --> 00:14:45,283
But that doesn't mean you
can't get down with him.
322
00:14:45,462 --> 00:14:48,078
# When two adults wish to procreate #
323
00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:50,690
# They lay together and copulate #
324
00:14:50,736 --> 00:14:53,430
# Male gametes, spermatozoa #
325
00:14:53,447 --> 00:14:55,632
# Implant themselves
in the ladies' ova! #
326
00:14:55,657 --> 00:14:56,643
# Break it down! #
327
00:14:58,420 --> 00:14:59,551
I'm sorry, don't you need
328
00:14:59,569 --> 00:15:02,737
to actually have had
sex in order to explain it?
329
00:15:02,806 --> 00:15:07,620
Professor Infosaurus also
has a rap about ignoring bullies.
330
00:15:08,142 --> 00:15:10,208
Robin? Birds and bees?
331
00:15:10,316 --> 00:15:12,144
Well, I, for one, don't think
332
00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:13,963
you have to teach Marvin a thing.
333
00:15:14,069 --> 00:15:18,605
If he's anything like his
dad, he's a natural-born stud.
334
00:15:18,863 --> 00:15:20,714
Lily got a little braggy
335
00:15:20,738 --> 00:15:23,706
at a cucumber stand once, big guy.
336
00:15:24,387 --> 00:15:25,601
Robin wins again!
337
00:15:25,632 --> 00:15:27,738
Oh, come on! That's clearly pandering!
338
00:15:27,763 --> 00:15:28,913
A spin...
339
00:15:28,964 --> 00:15:31,398
that... wheel!
340
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:33,095
We played long into the night,
341
00:15:33,145 --> 00:15:34,946
eventually making it to the dreaded...
342
00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:37,138
Lightning round!
343
00:15:41,421 --> 00:15:43,006
First word!
344
00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:45,431
Beam.
345
00:15:45,495 --> 00:15:47,439
Actually, that's a joist,
346
00:15:47,561 --> 00:15:49,292
which carries the stress of the ceiling
347
00:15:49,317 --> 00:15:51,617
versus the primary architectural load.
348
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:52,999
But that's my boy!
349
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:54,397
Ooh.
350
00:15:54,424 --> 00:15:55,962
Nerd!
351
00:15:55,986 --> 00:15:57,652
That's my boy!
352
00:15:57,692 --> 00:15:59,575
First heartbreak!
353
00:15:59,902 --> 00:16:01,808
I know this hurts, little buddy,
354
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,567
but you'll love again someday,
355
00:16:03,673 --> 00:16:06,307
because time will heal a broken heart.
356
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:09,256
But not that bitch's window.
357
00:16:09,752 --> 00:16:11,552
Run!
358
00:16:13,685 --> 00:16:14,705
Yeah, right.
359
00:16:14,755 --> 00:16:16,193
I've seen Barney throw.
360
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:19,275
He's no Vinnie Pestano, am I right?
361
00:16:20,372 --> 00:16:22,523
Beloved Indians' middle reliever.
362
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,275
Cleveland sports are still relevant.
363
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:28,278
LeBron who? Right, guys?
364
00:16:28,348 --> 00:16:30,238
Ted, neither you nor Cleveland
365
00:16:30,263 --> 00:16:32,713
knows how to get
over someone leaving them.
366
00:16:33,255 --> 00:16:34,917
Here's how you'd handle heartbreak.
367
00:16:35,004 --> 00:16:36,256
Cheer up, squirt.
368
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:39,171
There are plenty of other
wonderful women out there.
369
00:16:39,688 --> 00:16:43,857
But I thought that she was the one.
370
00:16:46,335 --> 00:16:48,353
I'll be at Uncle Barney's.
371
00:16:49,146 --> 00:16:50,479
This is ridiculous.
372
00:16:50,529 --> 00:16:52,396
I've known you for 16 years.
373
00:16:52,427 --> 00:16:53,776
I'm the obvious choice.
374
00:16:53,806 --> 00:16:55,587
Oh, come on, if Ted raises him,
375
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:58,133
the poor kid's still
gonna be a virgin when he's 13.
376
00:16:58,201 --> 00:17:01,122
- I'm the obvious choice. Hey,
look, as the only one of us
377
00:17:01,165 --> 00:17:03,207
packing a vag, I got a natural instinct
378
00:17:03,238 --> 00:17:04,826
for nurturing and crap like that.
379
00:17:04,850 --> 00:17:06,785
Plus, I can teach him how to bow hunt.
380
00:17:06,849 --> 00:17:09,266
- Yeah, I could do that.
- I am Barney Stinson!
381
00:17:11,657 --> 00:17:12,823
Guys, guys, guys!
382
00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:14,525
Okay! All right!
383
00:17:15,177 --> 00:17:17,362
Obviously, none of you
knows what it really means
384
00:17:17,393 --> 00:17:18,743
to be a parent.
385
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,001
Well... obviously, neither of you
386
00:17:21,032 --> 00:17:23,513
know what it means to
be a friend anymore.
387
00:17:24,403 --> 00:17:26,129
What are you talking about?
388
00:17:26,197 --> 00:17:27,429
Think about it.
389
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:28,982
This is the most we've seen you two
390
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,673
in five months.
391
00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:32,081
You don't seem to care
392
00:17:32,099 --> 00:17:33,285
what's going on in our lives
393
00:17:33,309 --> 00:17:35,309
unless it's an eight or higher.
394
00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,164
Well, what do you expect?
395
00:17:37,195 --> 00:17:39,028
- We have a baby now.
- Yeah.
396
00:17:39,056 --> 00:17:41,913
The days of closing
down MacLaren's are over.
397
00:17:42,025 --> 00:17:42,753
Unless you want
398
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,852
to get up with us at 5:13 in the morning
399
00:17:44,877 --> 00:17:46,243
with a screaming baby.
400
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:47,931
So that's it?
401
00:17:48,215 --> 00:17:50,385
The... the end of an
era, just like that?
402
00:17:50,488 --> 00:17:54,072
Look... we're sorry if-if
we don't have time
403
00:17:54,103 --> 00:17:58,022
to sit around the bar listening
to silly little dating problems.
404
00:17:58,623 --> 00:17:59,694
When you have
405
00:17:59,718 --> 00:18:03,610
a baby, it's not just the
most important thing in your life,
406
00:18:03,635 --> 00:18:05,034
it's the only important thing.
407
00:18:05,464 --> 00:18:07,548
When are you guys gonna get that?
408
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,607
Think we get it.
409
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:23,206
I can't believe they just walked out.
410
00:18:23,254 --> 00:18:25,748
Yeah. Maybe it's for the best.
411
00:18:25,835 --> 00:18:27,894
Barney was starting to pull ahead.
412
00:18:27,956 --> 00:18:29,617
I mean, how selfish can they be?
413
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,742
We're trying to raise a child here.
414
00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:34,745
I'm sorry if I don't have
time to deal with Ted's...
415
00:18:34,797 --> 00:18:38,065
or Robin's...
416
00:18:39,580 --> 00:18:41,781
or Barney's...
417
00:18:48,578 --> 00:18:51,850
You know, we were about to
name one of them Marvin's godparent,
418
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,888
and... I can't tell you
419
00:18:53,922 --> 00:18:56,456
what's going on in any of their lives.
420
00:19:01,354 --> 00:19:03,512
Do you think that maybe
421
00:19:03,537 --> 00:19:06,822
we've been a little
crappy as friends lately?
422
00:19:12,035 --> 00:19:13,769
Do you really know how to bow hunt?
423
00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:15,133
Um, yeah.
424
00:19:15,179 --> 00:19:17,685
At the British Columbia
Military School for Boys
425
00:19:17,716 --> 00:19:19,524
we called it "making lunch".
426
00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:21,303
Hey, guys.
427
00:19:21,668 --> 00:19:23,203
We asked Mickey to watch Marvin
428
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,253
so we could come down and talk.
429
00:19:25,418 --> 00:19:28,036
I know that we didn't
get to finish the game, but...
430
00:19:28,824 --> 00:19:30,895
we've reached a decision.
431
00:19:31,134 --> 00:19:32,699
Lily?
432
00:19:32,911 --> 00:19:34,978
We've decided...
433
00:19:37,026 --> 00:19:39,490
to revoke the "eight or higher" rule.
434
00:19:39,586 --> 00:19:40,636
What?
435
00:19:41,094 --> 00:19:42,290
We want to know everything
436
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,148
that's going on with you guys.
437
00:19:44,204 --> 00:19:45,017
Really?
438
00:19:45,054 --> 00:19:46,344
You're our best friends.
439
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,786
Everything is an eight or higher.
440
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:53,076
And for the first
time in almost half a year,
441
00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:56,576
Lily and Marshall closed
down MacLaren's.
442
00:19:56,619 --> 00:19:57,385
Anyway,
443
00:19:57,423 --> 00:19:59,774
Victoria's dad and I are
working out a payment plan
444
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:01,623
with a very reasonable interest rate.
445
00:20:03,274 --> 00:20:04,558
At least, Nick's cycle
446
00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,115
is
fuel-efficient... we're getting, like,
447
00:20:06,151 --> 00:20:08,051
30, 35 miles to the cob.
448
00:20:08,446 --> 00:20:09,712
- Really?
- Yeah.
449
00:20:09,758 --> 00:20:10,627
You know, I should've
450
00:20:10,658 --> 00:20:12,248
told you about that six
and a half sooner.
451
00:20:12,275 --> 00:20:14,776
Barney Stinson banging anything
less than an eight?
452
00:20:14,810 --> 00:20:16,927
That's like a 15.
453
00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:19,265
And it was a great night.
454
00:20:19,329 --> 00:20:20,725
Until...
455
00:20:27,277 --> 00:20:28,760
Go back to bed.
456
00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,070
We got this.
457
00:20:37,382 --> 00:20:39,541
And Lily and Marshall finally decided
458
00:20:39,578 --> 00:20:40,694
on a guardian.
459
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,794
- Are you sure about this, baby?
- Yes.
460
00:20:42,969 --> 00:20:46,370
No matter what happens, I
want Marvin to stay in the family.
461
00:20:57,868 --> 00:20:59,585
Oh...
462
00:21:01,139 --> 00:21:03,289
Is that a bowling ball in a onesie?
463
00:21:04,142 --> 00:21:06,598
Run!