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00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:04,694
Kids, it's no secret your Uncle
Barney is a bit of a dog,
2
00:00:05,228 --> 00:00:07,600
and even though he loved
me, I think he always wanted
3
00:00:07,612 --> 00:00:09,721
a wingman who was a bit of a dog, too.
4
00:00:16,705 --> 00:00:19,407
And in the fall of 2012...
5
00:00:20,839 --> 00:00:22,289
he found one.
6
00:00:22,327 --> 00:00:23,693
Respect.
7
00:00:43,438 --> 00:00:47,358
Hey, guys, thanks again for
a great night last night.
8
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I say again,
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00:00:49,763 --> 00:00:51,427
great night.
10
00:00:51,972 --> 00:00:55,940
Ted, honey, it was not a great night.
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Ted,
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00:00:57,022 --> 00:01:00,240
Lily and I noticed some
things last night.
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Hey, Ted, can you pass me a cracker?
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- Yeah.
- It's the least you can do,
15
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considering I left a
guy at the altar for you.
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Right, right?
17
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Oh, come on, that was a joke.
18
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Women over 30 don't joke when
it comes to commitment.
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Victoria is happy we're
taking things slow.
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Oh, oh, honeysweetiebaby,
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00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,008
no 32-year-old
woman
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is happy taking things slow.
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Mm.
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Trust me, Victoria has
got friends from high school
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00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:31,052
posting pictures of
second babies on Facebook.
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Mm-hmm.
27
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And you think girlfriend's
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00:01:32,796 --> 00:01:34,765
all like, "Oh, let's just bone a bunch
29
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so I'm another year
older and still single"?
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- Bitch, please.
- Mm.
31
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,945
Guys, I've got a new bro...
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a bro that puts all other bros to shame.
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The bitches love him.
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He buries bones all day.
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Whoo!
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00:01:53,526 --> 00:01:55,251
No one chases tail like him.
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Why aren't you guys laughing?
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Oh, wait, I probably should
have led with this:
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He's a dog.
40
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I've named him
41
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Brover.
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I'll go...
43
00:02:07,297 --> 00:02:08,956
fetch him.
44
00:02:11,009 --> 00:02:13,226
Okay, I'm worried about Barney.
45
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:16,870
That breakup with Quinn
messed him up more than he let on.
46
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I think he's lonely.
47
00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:20,309
Dude seems fine to me.
48
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I love you so much, Brover.
49
00:02:27,826 --> 00:02:30,211
Seriously, based on last night,
50
00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:33,161
you and Victoria are headed for trouble.
51
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,341
So I got this kind
of interesting job offer
52
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,506
to run a bakery in Denver.
53
00:02:37,556 --> 00:02:40,047
But that's too crazy, though, right?
54
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Right?
55
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Uh, yeah.
56
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The high altitude would
affect the density of the pastries.
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I mean,
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talk about half-baked.
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00:02:47,981 --> 00:02:50,723
Man, this is a great night.
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That was Victoria asking
you to move to Denver with her.
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00:02:54,589 --> 00:02:55,529
What?
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00:02:55,595 --> 00:02:57,572
Then, why wouldn't she
just come right out
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00:02:57,597 --> 00:02:58,963
and say what she wants?
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Men.
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It's like, if there
weren't pickle jars to open
66
00:03:02,726 --> 00:03:03,893
and spiders to kill
67
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and computers to back up,
what would be their point?
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00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,529
Mm-hmm.
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00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:13,258
Okay, when did Marshall
become a slightly more feminine you?
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00:03:13,572 --> 00:03:16,655
Look, Ted, it gets
exhausting constantly giving people
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00:03:16,686 --> 00:03:19,938
advice they haven't asked
for, so I'm training Marshall.
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00:03:20,391 --> 00:03:22,891
My goal is to eventually say things
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00:03:22,922 --> 00:03:25,415
that are so sassy and wise,
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that there is no possible response
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00:03:28,245 --> 00:03:31,560
other than "mm" or "mm-hmm".
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00:03:31,775 --> 00:03:33,517
And if this is a place
where we can share our dreams...
77
00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:34,961
I like to think that it is...
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00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:38,986
I hope someday to earn a...
79
00:03:39,411 --> 00:03:41,256
"testify".
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00:03:41,942 --> 00:03:44,125
Look, Victoria and I are five months in
81
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,687
and we're right where we should be.
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00:03:45,718 --> 00:03:47,668
All right, we-we're
cosigning birthday cards,
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00:03:47,713 --> 00:03:49,797
w
- we got toothbrushes at each other's places,
84
00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,177
foreplay's out the window.
85
00:03:51,214 --> 00:03:53,482
I'm in, I'm out, I'm
sleeping, it's great.
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00:03:53,578 --> 00:03:55,350
It's more than five months.
87
00:03:55,434 --> 00:03:57,989
You guys dated before, that time counts.
88
00:03:58,031 --> 00:04:00,187
The clock doesn't reset to zero.
89
00:04:00,212 --> 00:04:02,251
It un-pauses from where you left off.
90
00:04:02,495 --> 00:04:03,243
No way,
91
00:04:03,291 --> 00:04:05,708
no way, the clock resets.
92
00:04:06,754 --> 00:04:08,092
Wait, so this is what you guys do?
93
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:09,691
You invite other couples over for dinner
94
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,585
to judge them and feel superior?
95
00:04:11,610 --> 00:04:13,240
Oh, grow up, Ted,
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00:04:13,262 --> 00:04:16,954
that's why any couple invites
anyone over ever.
97
00:04:17,922 --> 00:04:20,190
Two Scotches, both neat,
98
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:23,320
and if you've got some...
nuts, this guy lost a couple.
99
00:04:23,344 --> 00:04:24,816
Ha-ha.
100
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,948
Take the hit, just take the hit.
101
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:29,595
Okay, this is a cry for help.
102
00:04:29,912 --> 00:04:32,279
Can we invite Barney
over for dinner tonight?
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00:04:32,345 --> 00:04:34,348
But I was going to make
you a special meal to celebrate
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00:04:34,379 --> 00:04:37,079
my show getting nominated for
a Local Area Media Award.
105
00:04:37,175 --> 00:04:38,742
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention,
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00:04:38,773 --> 00:04:41,327
Nick had a cable access cooking show.
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00:04:41,762 --> 00:04:43,536
Chef Nick Podarutti uses
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00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:46,590
all fresh, locally grown ingredients,
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00:04:47,093 --> 00:04:48,810
but don't think for a second
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00:04:48,825 --> 00:04:51,800
that means he's not a bad boy.
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00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:54,581
She runs on corn.
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00:04:56,319 --> 00:04:58,688
# Nick the Bad Boy
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00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:03,674
# Chef...
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00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:05,304
I'm gonna invite him over for dinner.
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00:05:05,675 --> 00:05:10,243
Okay, fine, but you'd
better make sure he has a ticket.
116
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:14,712
'Cause it's all
aboard the Chow-Chow Train!
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00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:18,410
Honey, I know it's hard coming up
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00:05:18,441 --> 00:05:20,332
with a signature cooking catchphrase,
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00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:22,466
but I don't think that's it.
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00:05:22,574 --> 00:05:25,185
I know, but how do you
compete with "Bam!"?
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00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:27,522
It just says it all.
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00:05:29,147 --> 00:05:30,351
Hey, you.
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00:05:30,368 --> 00:05:33,091
Hey, can I ask you something?
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00:05:33,497 --> 00:05:35,591
Um, Lily and Marshall think
125
00:05:35,616 --> 00:05:38,482
I'm missing all these
hints you're dropping
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00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,590
that you want a deeper commitment.
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00:05:40,639 --> 00:05:43,056
I mean, you'd just come right
out and tell me, right?
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00:05:43,107 --> 00:05:44,183
Totally.
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00:05:44,238 --> 00:05:46,833
I think I can be a little
bit more direct than that.
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00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:48,732
Thank you.
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00:05:49,419 --> 00:05:52,386
Oh, hey, I was
cleaning my apartment today
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00:05:52,429 --> 00:05:54,987
and I dug this up.
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00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:56,448
Should I keep
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00:05:56,476 --> 00:05:58,276
this wedding dress, or do you think
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00:05:58,278 --> 00:06:01,062
I'll never, ever need it again?
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00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:07,531
So Lily and Marshall were right?
137
00:06:07,569 --> 00:06:08,881
Of course they're right.
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00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,961
When a girl jumps in
your car in a wedding dress,
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00:06:10,986 --> 00:06:12,261
you can't act surprised to find out
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00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,546
she wants to get married.
141
00:06:13,736 --> 00:06:16,553
Besides, we dated
before, and that time counts.
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00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,252
We just hit pause on the clock.
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00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,685
See, a lot of really smart people
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00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:21,066
would argue the clock resets.
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It un-pauses, everybody knows that.
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00:06:23,598 --> 00:06:24,848
You know, Barney's a little late.
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00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:26,076
I hope he's okay.
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00:06:26,117 --> 00:06:27,463
Ah, he's fine, and I still don't think
149
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,557
he's crying out for help.
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00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:31,018
Well...
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00:06:35,411 --> 00:06:36,503
Sorry we're late.
152
00:06:36,544 --> 00:06:37,961
We just came from the tailor.
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00:06:38,007 --> 00:06:40,367
Brover couldn't settle on a
tie, so I just bought them all.
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You say no to that face.
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00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:48,082
There's a reason that you're not
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00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:50,423
a hundred percent in this with me, Ted.
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00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:52,872
Something's holding us back.
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00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:54,249
Well, what is it?
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00:06:54,359 --> 00:06:55,987
I think we've established I'm not great
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00:06:56,023 --> 00:06:59,742
at picking up on
clues... well, in this situation.
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00:06:59,951 --> 00:07:03,026
As a kid, I was known as
a bit of a detective.
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00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:05,323
In fact, when my
friend's retainer went missing,
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00:07:05,348 --> 00:07:07,688
the Mosby Boys were put
on the case, and it was...
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00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,561
The retainer was in the garbage.
165
00:07:09,586 --> 00:07:11,536
The Mosby Boys were you, your sister,
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00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:14,128
and a neighborhood
squirrel you thought you had tamed.
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00:07:14,248 --> 00:07:16,912
I can't believe Squirrel-lock
Holmes turned on us like that.
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00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:18,949
Eight weeks of training down the drain.
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00:07:18,985 --> 00:07:20,956
You know how I know that, Ted?
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00:07:20,981 --> 00:07:23,275
Because we covered it in
the "getting to know you" part
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00:07:23,289 --> 00:07:25,605
of the relationship six years ago.
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00:07:26,305 --> 00:07:28,589
Six years.
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00:07:30,579 --> 00:07:34,249
Then... what's holding us back?
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00:07:35,636 --> 00:07:37,770
Call in the Mosby Boys, Ted,
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00:07:38,172 --> 00:07:40,503
let me know if they crack the case.
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00:07:45,147 --> 00:07:46,473
Guys,
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00:07:46,555 --> 00:07:49,958
Brover is not only the
best bro I've ever had,
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00:07:50,085 --> 00:07:52,647
he's amazing with the ladies.
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00:07:52,698 --> 00:07:54,660
I'm sorry, don't you
think it's a little pathetic
180
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,341
to use a dog to pick up chicks?
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00:07:56,396 --> 00:08:00,014
Sir, wingmanship is a two-way street.
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00:08:00,298 --> 00:08:03,519
If Brover meets a
cutie, I'll take the hit
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00:08:03,548 --> 00:08:06,592
and chat up the chubby lady friend.
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00:08:10,808 --> 00:08:13,366
Sometimes I'll be the jerk...
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00:08:13,735 --> 00:08:16,453
so Brover can swoop
in and be the hero.
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00:08:17,286 --> 00:08:19,149
And like any good wingman,
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00:08:19,197 --> 00:08:21,972
I gather as much intel
as I can right up front.
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00:08:22,173 --> 00:08:23,055
How old's your dog?
189
00:08:23,132 --> 00:08:24,572
- She's five.
- Oh.
190
00:08:25,326 --> 00:08:26,610
What's that in dog years?
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00:08:26,619 --> 00:08:27,581
Like, 35.
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00:08:27,619 --> 00:08:29,791
We're done here.
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00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:31,849
Well, you were right.
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00:08:31,908 --> 00:08:33,846
Victoria says
something's holding us back,
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00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,125
and I don't have any idea what it is.
196
00:08:36,197 --> 00:08:37,964
Any brilliant insights, Oprah?
197
00:08:38,178 --> 00:08:39,098
Steadman?
198
00:08:39,137 --> 00:08:41,304
Um, try Gayle.
199
00:08:42,504 --> 00:08:45,572
Marshall, I want you to take this one.
200
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,018
You're ready.
201
00:08:47,064 --> 00:08:48,914
Oh, I don't know.
202
00:08:50,508 --> 00:08:53,246
Although I do hear this
little voice in the back of my head
203
00:08:53,364 --> 00:08:54,653
trying to tell me something.
204
00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,030
That's your inner goddess.
205
00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:59,826
Listen to her, channel her.
206
00:09:00,371 --> 00:09:02,787
If Victoria quenches your
207
00:09:02,818 --> 00:09:05,051
thirst like a tall glass
208
00:09:05,106 --> 00:09:08,044
of sweet tea on a hot July day...
209
00:09:08,079 --> 00:09:09,246
Marshall, why is she Southern?
210
00:09:09,276 --> 00:09:10,734
Don't let him break the connection.
211
00:09:10,820 --> 00:09:11,754
well, you got to make
212
00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:13,308
an honest woman out of her.
213
00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:14,315
Okay, I'm leaving.
214
00:09:14,337 --> 00:09:16,187
But, but,
215
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:20,242
if not, well, then, sugar...
216
00:09:20,949 --> 00:09:23,079
you got to let that nightingale
217
00:09:23,275 --> 00:09:26,968
spread her wings and soar
218
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:30,230
to her own beautiful tomorrow.
219
00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:32,948
Testify.
220
00:09:34,669 --> 00:09:36,396
You guys are the worst.
221
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,071
Where am I?
222
00:09:48,011 --> 00:09:49,560
Sorry.
223
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,256
Uh, go for Barney.
224
00:09:52,915 --> 00:09:54,515
Uh-huh.
225
00:09:55,241 --> 00:09:57,217
I see.
226
00:09:57,855 --> 00:10:00,068
Totally understood.
227
00:10:00,619 --> 00:10:02,024
I'll do that.
228
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,542
Great.
229
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:04,902
Thank you.
230
00:10:06,379 --> 00:10:07,879
That was Brover's owner.
231
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:09,521
I guess, while she was
232
00:10:09,552 --> 00:10:11,546
out of town, he ran
away from his kennel,
233
00:10:11,582 --> 00:10:14,833
and now that she's
back, I have to return him.
234
00:10:15,586 --> 00:10:17,106
Oh, Barney, I'm so sorry.
235
00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:18,279
Oh, it's all good.
236
00:10:18,587 --> 00:10:21,213
Um, excuse me for one moment.
237
00:10:36,359 --> 00:10:37,980
Hey, Barney.
238
00:10:39,478 --> 00:10:42,529
No, no. No, no!
239
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,848
Oh.
240
00:10:49,837 --> 00:10:52,038
Wha...
241
00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:55,689
Victoria.
242
00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:01,172
Will you marry me?
243
00:11:01,346 --> 00:11:03,278
Yes, of course.
244
00:11:08,573 --> 00:11:09,992
There's just one thing.
245
00:11:10,021 --> 00:11:12,088
Anything. You name it.
246
00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:15,778
You can't be friends with Robin.
247
00:11:21,192 --> 00:11:24,377
You won't marry me if I'm
still friends with Robin?
248
00:11:24,764 --> 00:11:27,346
Wait. She's the thing
that's been holding us back?
249
00:11:27,492 --> 00:11:29,892
There-There's just
too much history there.
250
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,938
I mean, Robin's the
reason that we broke up
251
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:34,432
the first time
around. Robin's our roadblock.
252
00:11:34,456 --> 00:11:36,482
Robin's the deep, dark pit
253
00:11:36,502 --> 00:11:38,927
where our relationship goes to die.
254
00:11:39,326 --> 00:11:41,613
But nicest girl in the
world. Salt of the earth.
255
00:11:41,943 --> 00:11:43,273
But she's with Nick now.
256
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:45,243
I mean, sure, his cooking show is lousy
257
00:11:45,274 --> 00:11:47,302
with awkward catchphrase attempts.
258
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:50,526
Oh, my gosh, who's ready to nosh?
259
00:11:50,713 --> 00:11:52,701
Who's popping a chub for some grub?
260
00:11:55,603 --> 00:11:57,222
I offer my deepest apologies
261
00:11:57,241 --> 00:12:00,108
to anyone who was offended by
my "popping a chub" remark.
262
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,078
I can and will do better.
263
00:12:02,151 --> 00:12:03,681
Won't happen again.
264
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,345
And now who's ready to eat my meat?
265
00:12:07,224 --> 00:12:08,992
Oh, come on.
266
00:12:09,348 --> 00:12:11,531
But Robin's happy with Nick,
267
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:13,865
and I'm happy with you.
268
00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:14,812
Look, I,
269
00:12:14,837 --> 00:12:16,962
I just asked you to be my wife.
270
00:12:17,076 --> 00:12:19,907
Isn't that proof there's
nothing between me and Robin?
271
00:12:19,983 --> 00:12:21,399
Well, maybe today there isn't,
272
00:12:21,427 --> 00:12:23,126
but what about tomorrow?
273
00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:25,960
Or next week or 15 years from now?
274
00:12:26,443 --> 00:12:28,273
I'll always be wondering.
275
00:12:29,024 --> 00:12:32,206
I never wanted to be that girl who says
276
00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:34,276
it's Robin or it's me,
277
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,519
but, well...
278
00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:40,093
It's Robin or it's you.
279
00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:43,762
You've been a hell of a wingman.
280
00:12:44,235 --> 00:12:46,435
And even though I
think it's kind of gross
281
00:12:46,478 --> 00:12:48,311
when you pleasure yourself orally,
282
00:12:48,356 --> 00:12:49,696
don't ever think
283
00:12:49,721 --> 00:12:51,990
that means I'm not impressed.
284
00:12:54,369 --> 00:12:55,356
Hey...
285
00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:57,362
do you think that Barney's gonna be okay
286
00:12:57,379 --> 00:12:58,474
bringing Brover back?
287
00:12:58,501 --> 00:12:59,517
Yeah, he'll be fine.
288
00:12:59,542 --> 00:13:01,245
It's not just the ability
289
00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:03,096
to go to town on yourself,
290
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:06,185
but you do it with such joie de vivre.
291
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,219
I really think that
I should go with him.
292
00:13:10,291 --> 00:13:11,676
No, but you got to eat these crêpes
293
00:13:11,701 --> 00:13:13,151
as soon as they're flambéed.
294
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:16,111
They're gonna be bon appe-sweet!
295
00:13:16,142 --> 00:13:17,662
- No.
- Damn.
296
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:19,218
We'll work on it when I get back.
297
00:13:19,237 --> 00:13:20,676
No, I get it. You know,
298
00:13:20,722 --> 00:13:21,985
I only spent all night working on these,
299
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,391
but, hey, Barney's more important.
300
00:13:23,422 --> 00:13:25,973
- Nick...
- It's fine. Go.
301
00:13:27,314 --> 00:13:29,269
Anyway, let's not make a big deal of it.
302
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,088
We hung out for a few days,
303
00:13:31,222 --> 00:13:32,522
had some fun...
304
00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:34,391
No big woof.
305
00:13:36,177 --> 00:13:39,010
I don't know who I am without you.
306
00:13:41,798 --> 00:13:43,217
This is crazy.
307
00:13:43,424 --> 00:13:46,455
Victoria is being
completely unreasonable about Robin,
308
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,643
and my snap sister is gonna back me up.
309
00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:53,529
I say again...
310
00:13:55,136 --> 00:13:57,906
I kind of see Victoria's point.
311
00:13:57,953 --> 00:13:59,369
Come again for Ms. Fudge?
312
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,801
Ted and Robin have so much history.
313
00:14:01,820 --> 00:14:04,707
Exactly. History. Ancient history.
314
00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:08,467
Ted, you said "I love
you" to her earlier this year.
315
00:14:08,719 --> 00:14:09,715
I'm not saying
316
00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:12,708
this is fair, but I get it.
317
00:14:13,348 --> 00:14:14,979
I didn't get that at all.
318
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,226
How could my inner
goddess be so far off?
319
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:19,751
Oh, you'll get there, honey.
320
00:14:19,790 --> 00:14:21,924
Oprah wasn't built in a day.
321
00:14:23,576 --> 00:14:26,157
What?
322
00:14:26,524 --> 00:14:28,890
I kind of went rogue.
323
00:14:29,232 --> 00:14:31,186
Look, if you really want to have a baby,
324
00:14:31,217 --> 00:14:33,233
just stop taking the pill.
325
00:14:33,303 --> 00:14:35,104
You guys slept together at spring break
326
00:14:35,169 --> 00:14:36,701
three years ago.
327
00:14:37,238 --> 00:14:39,060
That means something.
328
00:14:39,276 --> 00:14:40,976
Loves show tunes,
329
00:14:41,004 --> 00:14:42,651
total shopaholic,
330
00:14:42,695 --> 00:14:44,728
not always pestering you for sex?
331
00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:47,408
Um, Clifford sounds like a keeper.
332
00:14:48,744 --> 00:14:51,321
Marshall, all of that
advice was terrible.
333
00:14:51,377 --> 00:14:52,708
Not as terrible as you saying
334
00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:54,501
that Ted and Robin should
stop being friends.
335
00:14:54,533 --> 00:14:57,550
I'm not saying they
should. It would be horrible.
336
00:14:58,054 --> 00:15:01,648
But if Ted really
wants to be with Victoria...
337
00:15:02,521 --> 00:15:04,303
Ted, tell her
338
00:15:04,327 --> 00:15:06,603
that you're not gonna stop
being friends with Robin.
339
00:15:08,503 --> 00:15:11,387
I can't imagine life without Robin.
340
00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:14,077
But she'll never be in love with me.
341
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,310
She'll never be my wife.
342
00:15:17,368 --> 00:15:20,373
She'll never be the person
I grow old with.
343
00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:23,444
Victoria...
344
00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:26,209
Victoria could be.
345
00:15:27,371 --> 00:15:30,323
Are you saying what I
think you're saying?
346
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:42,075
You ready to say good-bye?
347
00:15:44,226 --> 00:15:45,677
Thanks for coming with me.
348
00:15:45,714 --> 00:15:47,581
Oh, well, you did the same for me
349
00:15:47,595 --> 00:15:50,512
back when I had to give
away all my dogs. Remember?
350
00:15:50,671 --> 00:15:53,701
Oh, yeah, we drove to
your aunt's farm upstate.
351
00:15:53,725 --> 00:15:54,738
She was awesome.
352
00:15:54,782 --> 00:15:55,897
- Yeah.
- I love how she was this
353
00:15:55,917 --> 00:15:57,477
wise, old, chilled out,
354
00:15:57,508 --> 00:15:59,571
lesbian farmer.
355
00:15:59,614 --> 00:16:01,927
No, no, no. She's not a lesbian.
356
00:16:01,987 --> 00:16:03,410
Nor does she farm them.
357
00:16:03,428 --> 00:16:05,535
No, that woman she lives with,
358
00:16:05,566 --> 00:16:07,037
that's just her special friend Maureen.
359
00:16:07,061 --> 00:16:09,212
They've lived together for...
360
00:16:10,175 --> 00:16:12,016
Oh.
361
00:16:13,824 --> 00:16:16,654
Oh, this is gonna be tough.
362
00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:19,730
Brover really was the best wingman ever.
363
00:16:27,037 --> 00:16:28,437
Oh, my God.
364
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,142
Thank you so much for bringing
365
00:16:30,173 --> 00:16:33,157
- Mr. Sprinkles back.
- Mr. Sprinkles...
366
00:16:33,182 --> 00:16:35,299
is a great name for a dog.
367
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,451
Mommy missed you so much.
368
00:16:37,489 --> 00:16:38,645
Yes, she did.
369
00:16:38,676 --> 00:16:41,770
Did this nice couple take care of you?
370
00:16:44,144 --> 00:16:45,701
That's a laugh. Ha.
371
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,669
Big bro.
372
00:16:48,621 --> 00:16:50,284
I got to split. Yeah, I got to,
373
00:16:50,299 --> 00:16:52,155
I got to head back to the farm...
374
00:16:52,193 --> 00:16:55,528
where I live with my special
friend Maureen.
375
00:16:56,171 --> 00:16:57,285
Whom I now realize
376
00:16:57,322 --> 00:17:00,181
is my lesbian life partner.
377
00:17:00,549 --> 00:17:02,225
Surprise.
378
00:17:02,235 --> 00:17:04,773
Okay. All right.
379
00:17:05,377 --> 00:17:06,409
So...
380
00:17:06,432 --> 00:17:08,265
would you like a drink?
381
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:14,472
Best wingman ever.
382
00:17:19,562 --> 00:17:21,009
Hey.
383
00:17:21,643 --> 00:17:22,594
What's all this?
384
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,674
I thought you were mad at me.
385
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:26,081
I was...
386
00:17:26,202 --> 00:17:27,662
but then I realized
387
00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:30,450
I just have to accept that
you have close guy friends.
388
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:32,172
I mean, I don't want it becoming a habit
389
00:17:32,191 --> 00:17:34,578
that they steal you away from
me in the middle of the night.
390
00:17:34,615 --> 00:17:36,116
But...
391
00:17:36,141 --> 00:17:37,924
Oh, sorry.
392
00:17:39,732 --> 00:17:41,132
Oh, Ted needs to see me.
393
00:17:41,157 --> 00:17:43,140
- Oh, for the love of God, woman.
- Oh, it's not
394
00:17:43,165 --> 00:17:45,437
what you think. He
just wants to have sex.
395
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,576
Kidding.
396
00:17:48,059 --> 00:17:49,265
Just a little hand stuff.
397
00:17:49,287 --> 00:17:50,573
Ha. Kidding again.
398
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:54,021
Ted's more of a boob
man. I seriously can't stop.
399
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:56,625
- What does he want?
- Um...
400
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,082
I don't know, but he says it's urgent.
401
00:17:59,993 --> 00:18:01,093
I'm so sorry.
402
00:18:01,116 --> 00:18:03,822
Just one more little steal-away.
403
00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:06,387
Just as long as he gives you back.
404
00:18:08,028 --> 00:18:09,428
Thanks.
405
00:18:26,871 --> 00:18:28,224
So...
406
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,883
are you okay?
407
00:18:30,051 --> 00:18:31,819
What is this big, urgent thing
408
00:18:31,847 --> 00:18:34,097
that couldn't wait till tomorrow?
409
00:18:36,002 --> 00:18:37,706
There's something I have to tell you.
410
00:18:37,788 --> 00:18:39,404
Um...
411
00:18:40,356 --> 00:18:42,240
I've thought about this a ton,
412
00:18:42,261 --> 00:18:43,931
and...
413
00:18:45,196 --> 00:18:47,596
I was hoping it wouldn't come to this,
414
00:18:47,967 --> 00:18:50,184
but...
415
00:18:53,351 --> 00:18:56,718
I'm not in love with Robin...
416
00:18:57,590 --> 00:19:00,542
but she's like family to me, and...
417
00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:02,765
I can't end that.
418
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:04,935
So...
419
00:19:05,751 --> 00:19:08,056
can you accept that?
420
00:19:17,057 --> 00:19:20,250
I really hope you get her some day.
421
00:19:35,722 --> 00:19:37,005
Hey, guys.
422
00:19:37,039 --> 00:19:37,978
- Hey.
- Hey.
423
00:19:38,030 --> 00:19:40,308
So, last night
424
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:44,355
Ted calls me out to the bar to
talk about something urgent.
425
00:19:44,861 --> 00:19:46,338
Guess what it was.
426
00:19:46,737 --> 00:19:47,651
He wants to write
427
00:19:47,676 --> 00:19:50,813
a series of young adult mystery novels
428
00:19:50,845 --> 00:19:53,522
called The Mosby Boys.
429
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,831
Why did you need to tell me that?
430
00:19:55,878 --> 00:19:58,013
You work in the media. You know people.
431
00:19:58,050 --> 00:20:00,390
Okay, well, first of
all, lose the Mosby nerds
432
00:20:00,419 --> 00:20:02,269
and focus on that
crime-solving squirrel.
433
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,644
- That guy is gold.
- Yeah.
434
00:20:03,674 --> 00:20:04,785
And secondly, next time
435
00:20:04,816 --> 00:20:06,298
you have a big idea late at night,
436
00:20:06,323 --> 00:20:08,090
please bug your girlfriend about it.
437
00:20:08,179 --> 00:20:09,731
Uh, actually...
438
00:20:09,797 --> 00:20:11,981
Victoria and I broke up.
439
00:20:12,095 --> 00:20:13,961
Oh, my God.
440
00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:16,501
Why, what, what happened?
441
00:20:16,654 --> 00:20:19,685
We just, you know, wanted
different things.
442
00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:24,554
I'm so sorry, buddy.
443
00:20:24,712 --> 00:20:26,562
But, bright side...
444
00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:28,692
Robin is gonna be so touched
445
00:20:28,710 --> 00:20:30,712
when she hears you
ended things with Victoria
446
00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:31,473
because of her.
447
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:32,831
She can never know.
448
00:20:32,995 --> 00:20:35,783
Promise me Robin will never find out.
449
00:20:35,838 --> 00:20:37,146
I don't understand.
450
00:20:37,171 --> 00:20:38,137
Promise.
451
00:20:39,278 --> 00:20:41,213
- Promise.
- Promise.
452
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:42,644
Of course,
453
00:20:42,669 --> 00:20:44,522
Robin did find out.
454
00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,637
But we'll get to that.
455
00:21:02,715 --> 00:21:04,642
So you do have balls?
456
00:21:06,781 --> 00:21:08,538
Run!